Month: September 2021

Take My Word – 20th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Do I have time to read every written word?
Don’t look at me as if it’s so absurd
Absorbed in stories that taught me much
Each one holding a teacher’s touch

The words to learn from times to burn
Find the right words for your concern
If it hits you hard then read it twice
Take my word, that’s my advice

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I can read books wherever I go. One for Utopia, one for school/House, one for evenings, one for bedtime.

Well, the weekend passed by quickly, with going to Amy’s aunties’ memorial on Friday and Saturday night and then her cremation on Sunday morning. I was happy to have a phone with me and felt less conscious of using it on these occasions, as I’ve gotten used to Thais doing it. Even one of the monks took a call whilst his leader was chanting.

At times when I looked up and around, I still could not feel what comforts these odd rituals provide. They seem a nonsense and can be adapted in any way anyone should please. If we got rid of all religions, would we just make new rituals to comfort ourselves? Perhaps not. It’s not so obvious in those who have no faith. They (we) accept the fact that we live and die and not much else.

Recently, I’ve been reading much about the USA’s foreign policy and interference in other countries, and it reinforces the fact for me that all of it is beyond meaningless. People left to themselves are generally ok and without any implanted biases, get on with everyone.

I’m thinking that China’s approach to world affairs is a more powerful way to share the world. From an outside perspective, it looks to me as if they are aware that helping people to help themselves benefits everyone in the long run. Trying to force your way of life on other people has continually shown in history to not be successful. Every country, group, philosophy, and government will have its share of bad apples, and the current media obsession with focusing on them forces a bias that is not conducive to love.

Religions have also failed at a mass level, of teaching to love everyone, even though it is a major tenet of them all.

Whilst these situations remain, frustrated people, like me, want to give up, see no hope. Even in our own happy lives. We can’t ignore the suffering of others. These people are humans, and we play this game of life together.

Old To The Front – 19th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Old uncles have their black pants on
That’s when I realise that I am one
Old to the front, young to the rear
There’s an order of expiry here
No tears are flowing, it was expected
Hanging on so long had made all dejected
Eulogies in memoriam were told
As I pondered what it means to be old
The smoke rose as rain began to fall
The chanting ceased and that ended it all
Black pants returned to wardrobes then
Until next time the family gathers again

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the sweet cakes we got from Auntie’s funeral. It seems to be a tradition to give the guests a box of these for attending the funeral. The shops that supply them must always be busy.

The Great Game – 18th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*You changed a world that was never asked
Recycled governments and remade the past
Made a play to counter power
Deciding fates from your golden tower
The mountains rose, inspiring action
Chieftains rose, combined each faction
The games played afar, on a wooden board
But real people could not be ignored
The dust and dirt, unforgiving weather
The warlords waiting, patiently clever
All the money and power wasn’t enough
Against backstabbing, lies and bluff
The game was watched by others abroad
Their armies played for a new accord
The game continues from your home
Whilst the victims just want to be left alone

*taken almost directly from Stuart Laycock’s ‘All The Countries We’ve Ever Invaded’

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Amy’s almond buns that she has been experimenting with and yesterday she got them just right. Yummy!

Let’s Go Home – 17th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Take me back to an English summer day
On green grass watching farmers stacking hay
The long evening daylight stretching ahead
Small fishes dashing along the clear riverbed

Walking through long beaten forest tracks
No more than a T-shirt needed on our backs
Running down pebble beaches to the sea
These are all things that have made me me

What now are the pleasures of the day?
Can we go home to relive the games we play?
My memories tricking me with a nostalgic dream
Yet still, I return to all those places I’ve been

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have all the things or access to all the things that I would like. The ability to do things as and when I please. I am so lucky, perhaps too lucky, it feels sometimes.

Really odd feeling when driving to work this morning. I was having some dark thoughts but instead of feeling them, I was just observing them. I have kinda felt that before but this time it was really apparent. Maybe it was the pending visit to immigration!

A quick coffee hit the spot and immigration was a breeze thankfully. I have to drive home after school and then we come back into the city to pay respect to Amy’s auntie. I’m not sure what that means but having a phone will be useful.

My Terrorist – 16th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You’re my terrorist, siding with our gods
Next week’s enemy, against all the odds
Difficult to believe, though it’s oft-repeated
Cheating the cheaters, so everyone is cheated

You’re my terrorist, you may do my bidding
About those rewards, I was only kidding
You die for nothing, just another’s lies
And in your defeat, I still claim the prize

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the coolness of winter days very slowly returning. Comfortable mornings of fog and misty mountains.

As I’m reading another article about stoicism, gratitude and amor fati, I can feel my brain changing. These words were revelatory for me when I first read them. Now they are comfortable reminders of my acceptance of the way the world is and the way I am. I often think about my mother and wish to hear her talk about things in our lives. I can’t do that except in my mind. That brings me some comfort still.

I miss Kimi even more, in some ways. My mother is/was always a part of my life. Kimi was a kindred spirit I found, like Jochen and Matt, Rich, Steve and Rob and others. Finding some special people in your life is a rewarding experience that provides hope and gratitude to my being.

Amy’s auntie passed away last night. Perhaps some people will feel the same way about her. I hope so.

Our plans (what little we have) will change this weekend but that is out of my control so I can accept it.

I will do what I can to continue living this blessed life in the best way possible. Now, it’s time for class. Let’s see if I can take this positivity and rub it off on some of my students.

Growing Up In A House Of Cards – 15th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

She grew up in the countryside
A daughter of farming folks
Nothing much expected of her
The butt of the villagers’ jokes

The poverty that surrounded her
Made no sense as she grew older
And she stopped believing
The things that her teachers told her

Revolution in the hearts and minds
Consciousness was being raised
And the young girl from the village
Was now the one being praised

She stood for what she believed
To bring her country change
And the people stood strong together
With a better system to arrange

She saw the source of the problem
Came directly from the top
Wild plans were being formulated
To bring them to stop

Bullets and brains were deployed
At times it seemed too hard
But soon the house would collapse
By removing a single card

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the farmer and his cows eating through the jungle on the other side of our fence.

Gui has got me onto a different he calls Dirty. Cold milk, a teaspoon of cream and an overextracted shot of coffee. I’ve taken to it. It’s a little more expensive but I think I will drink less. Let’s see!

In one of my classes (2/9 – the good class!) yesterday we were talking about democracy and dictatorships and I explained that our class was a dictatorship but then I started thinking about the Montessori schools and how their classes are often like a democracy.

I might try this with this class next semester – I think there are enough smart students in the class to make it work and it could be fun. I’ll try to read up on how teachers work in those classes.

Amy has been getting busier with her cake-making (cinnamon bun making) and I told her yesterday how proud I was of her skills and abilities.

We had also been talking about what happened with George last week and I had been thinking about why it upsets me. Amy keeps talking about when we invited him and Bee to stay at our house and Bee saying what a big deal it was for him so he obviously had some expectation for our friendship after that but I said, ‘That’s the thing. I feel like I trusted this person as sincere and honest and now I feel like I’ve been tricked and made a fool of.’ And we realise that this was exactly what had happened with Amy and Bebe all those years ago.

Bebe sucked Amy in with so many nice words but only to manipulate the friendship in her favour. I saw it easily and immediately with Bebe but I was fooled by George.

We live and learn and I’m happy enough with the friends in my life, whether they are close or not.

The Gift – 14th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Your head games and offensive words
Spewing out your hole like stinking turds
The two-faced smiles and stinking breath
Your finagling towards friendship death

Daggers raised at those honest necks
A passive-aggressive sweep of the decks
The bitter change of heart so swift
Beyond the tears, you gave me a gift

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have a nice deep sleep totally missing the storm that blew everything around in the night. Feel good this morning!

I forgot to mention yesterday that I finally managed to play the first part of Scarborough Fair after what seems like months of trying! Changing from Dm to F was so difficult and it was getting so frustrating. I was so happy to finally do it on Sunday. Now I have to complete the next two sections and advance to Level 6. It’s all starting to get a little more difficult now but I’m still enjoying it. I will try and find more old punk songs that I know to play along to. I think that will keep up my motivation.

Today I can celebrate Matt selling me his stash of Kratom and also giving me the rest of his weed tincture. I never tried these before, so let’s see what they are like.

I’m happy today. Tuesday is my easy teaching day and giving the student work ahead of time makes the class go quicker, although it kinda spreads the work out for me, making it longer. Anyway, I’m enjoying it at the moment. I am still looking forward to a break though.

Safety First – 13th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s a dirty war where enemies become friends
And friends enemies to further their own ends
To the victor the spoils, to make up the rules
To put out the fires burning on hated fuels

Some will celebrate whilst others may flee
An order emerges to which most want to agree
Freedom for the ignorant, itself its own cage
Repeated ad infinitum on every history page

Better to be oppressed than constantly scared
It’s all relative when your life has been spared
Safety comes first, freedom a patient wait
Rebuilding lives, thankfully able to create

Stop running tired now passed that difficult test
Grateful once more, living again, amongst the blessed

29th May 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that in my dream last night I tried to protect the people I love – even though I woke up screaming, waking up the people I love!

I was not in the best of moods over the weekend but not terrible. I think I ran out of energy yesterday and just ended up reading and watching TV. Last week, on Monday, I gave George some ground coffee as a gift and to show that I’m OK with him even though he doesn’t interact with me anymore.

Then, on Friday, as I was listening to YouTube and just before writing my entry here, he came into my classroom, which was a bit of a surprise, and I smiled towards him as he approached. He came up to me with the coffee and said, ‘Why did you give me this?’ I said, ‘No reason – just a gift. You drink coffee, don’t you?’ He put it on the table and said, ‘I don’t accept gifts for no reason’, turned around and walked off. I was speechless.

I sat for a while, writing my entry and decided not to mention this and to think about it over the weekend first. This may have also affected my mood a little, but I realise I feel quite resilient to this kind of behaviour! It gets me curious about what makes people act in this way. Suspicion? Pride? Culture? Anyway, I will ignore this stupidity,

I talked a little with Amy and Bruno about it. Amy blames me for even trying to interact with him. Bruno agreed that it was strange behaviour but not so uncharacteristic from what he know of George. We all agreed that we all feel sorry for Bee, who knows what he is like and puts up with it, whatever her reasons.

Anyway, I gave the coffee to Champ this morning, who was really appreciative of it!

Wash, Rinse – 12th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s comfort in repetition
There’s comfort in repetition
There’s comfort in repetition
Never making a decision

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to find the rope for Tangmo to play with again. Hidden in the grass. I found it when I went to find Kim Chi who had jumped over the fence to play with the cow. The cow chased her back and she appeared on top of the hedge when I called her.

Tipping Point – 11th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s a tipping point, no longer equalised
Catch it quick, as soon as it’s recognised
Adjust the balance, time for compromise
An equilibrium now realised
There’s a boiling point where the flames are fanned
Control is lost to the waves of shifting sand
Change is coming forced by the people’s hand
Too little, too late and too old to understand

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for spending time out at Amy’s parents today and getting fed plus picking up some bits and pieces around town.