Month: November 2021

Reading In Bed – 30th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

They were so meaningful, the words I read
As I fell to sleep, they remained in my head
They resonated more than any words said
But something happened as I was sleeping in my bed

This morning the memory struggles to recall
My mind is empty, without any words at all
Not even the gist, a notion or a vague idea
One day they’ll pop up again and the memory will be clear

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the two chairs we have on our front porch where we can watch the sunrise over the mountains on these cool winter days.

A quick one today as I dash out in between classes. Both my classes this morning were great and all students took part. It seems weird that last week parents were complaining about me and then this week students seem to be trying harder. Hopefully, the parents pushed their children a little too.

It makes me feel more confident in what I’m doing. One more class this afternoon and then some time to read and plan. Just one class tomorrow, so lots of free time to prepare for next week.

Alone In My Grandparent’s Living Room – 29th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

The air in this room is still
No motes of dust floating in sunlight
Each second the grandfather clock creaks
Each hour a church bells delight

Braced against cold, a fire emerges
Blankets removed at the next bell
The crackle and roar has settled now
As the sun struggles up over the hill

The window frost starts running
New roads made on the warming glass
Soon all the bears will awaken
And another day shall quietly pass

The ghosts of this room may gather
But will one day be all forgot
The fire replaced, the window glazed
And the striking of bells will not

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this crunchy strawberry muesli – it’s delicious. I look forward to breakfast every morning.

Try to get some writing in today as tomorrow I probably won’t have time. I did briefly talk with Hayden yesterday. He was out on a walk at the beach with his mum, so we didn’t talk for long. He seemed pretty happy after doing his care training. It’s early days but I hope he keeps it up and starts to feel the rewards of the work.

I sat down with my first class this morning – the wonderful 2/9. Whilst about 80% of the class do my work, there are a few who are struggling. The work is not hard once you understand what’s required. I sent all the class out except the 4 students who didn’t do my work last week and with the help of the leaders, explained how to think about my work. I’m hoping they understood a little bit and will put in a little more effort. I told them that if they don’t do anything, how can I know what to grade them? That trying and being wrong is better than not doing anything.

I think I’m going to do the same thing with my afternoon class – my least favourite class – 2/10. I’m hoping that this approach will ward off any more parent complaints. I was thinking over the weekend how the parents and many teachers just want their kids coddled through school. Pretty pictures and Venn diagrams.

I must admit to being a little lazy now at finding more engaging methods of teaching. The whole online/in-school fortnight is a bit of a challenge and I’ve tried to make it so that the method for the kids is the same in and out of class. We’ll get there. Keep going until they fire me.

The Week That Was – 4th March 1979

Ozma – 27th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

The hungry tiger had dead babies on his conscience
The more he wondered, the hungrier he got
Why was it so, that he should be born this way?
Which crazy god made this the hungry tiger’s lot?

21st Sep 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – ferocious

Leopold – The Wreck of Hope
CD on Total Annihilation Records
I’m always checking out new music, mostly through Bandcamp pages. This album was mentioned on the You Don’t Know Mojack podcast, which is going through the SST catalogue. At the beginning of each episode, the hosts (Brant and Ryan) talk about other items of interest that they’ve been listening to. Brant leans more on the metal side of things whilst Ryan is more in the noise rock direction so my ears prick up when he mentions something he likes and so it was with Leopold. I had a quick listen on their Bandcamp page and liked it enough to contact them about buying the CD.

Usually, I’m fine with just a digital copy but I think I was feeling comfortable with my bank account balance at the time that I shot off an email to find out how much it would cost to get a copy sent to Thailand. It was ridiculously expensive, the shipping costing one and a half times more than the actual CD. But having made the enquiry I felt obligated to buy it and in the end, glad that I did.


Quebradita Num. 4
This pummelling intro has me hooked already. Jesus Lizard-like, before a change of pace into a chugging bassline and some screeching guitars that have a wonderfully sharp tone. And here’s the riff, which has a nice Drive Like Jehu melody and timbre. The vocals are reminding me of my good friends from When Chimps Attack. I think this could have been what attracted me to buy this CD. I still wish the Chimps had made 10 more albums, so this is a nice addition to my album collection. Some nice high-neck guitar action breaks into the melodies and then there’s this funky Iron Maiden break. Er…perhaps funky isn’t the right word. It’s great!

Yes My Love
Oh, some skronking sax! Excellent. Great off-kilter rhythms that swell to a wicked bouncing chorus, if it could be called a chorus. Air punching, floor punching good stuff. Followed by a spacious guitar to let the bass and drums flow. Nice dynamics. Now chilling…is it going to stop? It feels like a wind-down. And that’s it.

Junior Perkins
Jesus – it’s the Ace of Spades warped into a noise rock blur with buried vocals trying to punch their way out of a sleeping bag. The guitar tone is sharp and piercing, just the way I like it. Doubled vocals make me want to sing along but all I can make out is ‘get me out of here.’ I think I would like these lyrics. And it’s over as quick as you like.

(Another Killer In) Texas
A nice switch of pace after the previous frenzy but the whole band soon gets busy again, pulling everything together into a ferocious pounding force. Sinister and foreboding the song lurches forward, stalking the listener down the darkened streets. Suddenly cornered and roaring, the killer pounces, your guts are twisting, head exploding. Here it comes again. You’re dead.

Bag
A galloping pace, this one jumps out of the gate and feels like it won’t let up. A break comes a couple of minutes in which allows some breathing space before the anticipated relaunch. A great drum-rolling finale puts the final full stop in the sentence. The bag is broken.

The Wreck of Hope
Is this the opus rock-epic title track? This reverbing intro could go anywhere. Thankfully it dives into a gripping riff-heavy verse and staccato chorus and post bridge these soaring guitars are taking my mind off to faraway places. I’m back now.

Kentucky Nurse
A no-wave guitar freak-out leads this off before we get back to the brutality with an epic guitar sliding riff, flying off a cliff into some dark air. This is bringing me back to the best Chimps’ work.

Lovingstick
Holy ripping intros of death, Batman! Some exceptional noise rocking noise rock, all too brief but nailing each idea to the wall and screaming ‘THIS IS IT’

When Cousins Marry
A creeping pace with some Yow-like whispers, from Jack Brewer no less, before a lovely sax (?) riff gets added to the mix. No chords in sight so far….oh wait – here they are and we’re off, rolling down the freeway, overtaking the Tar Babies on the inside lane, skronking off the turnpike, heading nowhere in particular and without a care. Damn, that drummer is tight, holding the falling bumpers together. Train coming!

Brick Full of Tables
The rhythm section is freaking exceptional I realise by now, having paid too much attention to the guitar tone at first. Ah, this one has a buried chorus I would like to scream into the faces of all the idiots who’ve wronged me. I’ve no idea what they are saying but I’m absorbing the passion. More freak-out guitar before coming together for the chorus again. Time is flying along and I want the songs to last forever. But now we’ve disintegrated together and I’m spent.

There’s lots of great noise rock out there and I can’t quite put my finger on what sets this apart from many of its contemporaries. But, apart it stands.

Favourite songs on this listen: Junior Perkins and Brick Full of Tables.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to go to Game’s new cafe, fulfil, and try new coffee and his wife’s cookies and talked a little to Didi who dropped in. More good coffee in Chiang Rai.

It’s been a good Saturday so far; exercise, coffee, reading more about Slash’s childhood, blogging more poems, a nice drive to a cafe/restaurant for lunch, listening and reviewing the Leopold CD.

The morning sun has disappeared and a grey doldrum has set in that wants me to get out of my room. I still feel content but my mood has deflated. I was going to call Hayden but I don’t have the feeling now. I must do it tomorrow morning.

Breakout – 26th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The steeples point to heaven
Yet my feet are here on earth
The cities yield to the dirt
Whilst the woods exercise their mirth

Solace amongst the battlements
Whilst treading familiar paths
Breath deep the cool pine air
The sun sets upon our gentle hearts

United in our spiritual mores
This ghostly presence felt
Brings gladness to my heart
For these present tidings dealt

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Bruno to be able to help me plant a tree from a branch we pulled off from the side of the road. It’s only the size of a flower at the moment but I will plant it one day and watch it grow.

Be thankful for life’s difficulties. Grateful for those who show you disrespect. Thanks to those who judge and criticise without knowing more.

Thank you, Champ. I’m grateful that you let me rant at you and you showed some understanding. I calmed down later and I realised that that is because of you.

Thanks, George, for being consistently rude to me despite my being polite to you. Your behaviour feels like a challenge I can rise above and I’m sure you have your own motives and difficulties to deal with that I don’t understand. I can’t control the way you act so it won’t make me angry. I can control the way I act and respond – that is the test for me. So, thanks!

Thanks to the parents who complain about me as a teacher. I cannot control their actions and they have judged me on the words of their children without any interaction with me, so who am I to assume to know what they are complaining about?

Thanks to this virus that has challenged me to come up with new ways and means to teach and to spend my days.

Thanks to my aching back and sore butt from sitting on wooden chairs all day. Reminds me to move.

Thanks to the difficult students, the lazy ones, the pretenders, they are a constant challenge for me to improve myself.

Yesterday, when I went back to the teacher’s room, I had a long talk with Kru Karn and she couldn’t stop talking! Her English pronunciation is very Thai and she has a limited vocabulary but we had a good chat about all sorts of things and I enjoyed it very much.

I’ll try to have more connective conversations with some of the other teachers too. It’s often difficult to do when there are many teachers in the room but if I can find them alone, I will try. I’m not interested in becoming friends with any of them. In fact, what I think is that I just want to improve their English abilities! My students have better English than some of them!

I’m sitting in Game’s new cafe that just opened today. Another place for good coffee in Chiang Rai. I’m pretty spoiled for choice here.

Weirdly, this has made me think that I want to get another tattoo. I have some ideas for tattoos but haven’t gotten around to following up on them. No hurry, I suppose. We’ve got forever.

I’m doing a free online course about Coleridge that is influencing my writing a little. I don’t like to read poetry much but I do like it when it is explained. Much like the couple of Shakespeare books I picked up. I’m curious about language and its use. Maybe if I study enough I’ll be able to enjoy it without explanation.

Or I can keep on listening to music and enjoy screaming along to the words. I’ve printed out some lyrics that I want to analyse and keep thinking of more, and I also have this stupid plan to review all my CDs, one by one, which will actually force me to listen to them. I estimate that doing one a day may still take me 4 or 5 years to complete. Never mind all the digital music I have!

I still haven’t sat down to listen to the Leopold CD again. Oh well – I have forever, right?

Stan’s Law – 25th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*It’s hard to accept
A door without a handle*
To hold in your fist
An eternal burning candle

When doing wrong
Turns out to be doing right
To purposefully ignore
What is clearly within sight

The door is shut
And your skin is burning
Oxymoronic times
Opens eyes to learning

*quote from Stanislaw Lem

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for T. Champ to be understanding about the way I teach. He’s good to be around.

I’m pretty happy this morning to receive lots of messages from my students asking questions or submitting their work. This makes me feel better about my teaching and confirms a little to me that those parents complaining don’t understand what I’m trying to achieve with their kids. It will take a long time to change things in this country.

Is my way better? It doesn’t matter. I am the way I am and I teach what I believe. I just want the students to try and not just think that everything is going to work out whether they put in effort or not.

Sometimes I know I’m intense but it’s my character. I can change it somewhat though I find it hard. I’m also not all crazy strict with the kids and I think they like me. It’s usually the parents who are the problem! I know they have their ways that they want things done. I guess I’m not the person to do that for them! Haha!

Anyway, the good students are doing really well. They make me proud.

I’m starting to miss Amy a little already, even though it’s two more months before she leaves! I’m starting to think about all the extra things that I will have to do for myself and the cats and the house. But this time I want to have music playing all day, every day! That should make things bearable.

I’m thinking about whether to post on the MFU Facebook page for students to come and hang out on weekends and to practice their English – but I’m not sure about this as I value my free time so much!

Hopefully, we get a good holiday in April next year. Perfect! I can practice retirement.

We got that attitude! – 24th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to have had the chance to sit quietly in the cafe doing work. Today I won’t be able to do that and I will miss it.

Naturally, last night I went over things in my head many times. I thought about many different questions and defences for my work but by the morning, I decided not to meet and talk more with Kru Nu. I’m certain that any parents’ complaints are just from lazy students and the only reason they complained is because I told them their children are lazy.

I’m still annoyed that the school didn’t support me without finding out any information but that’s the way it is. So, simple solution – don’t tell the parents!

I was hoping that by telling them that it would encourage them to push their kids a little when they are not at school. Maybe it worked for some but others are perhaps convinced that their little princes and princesses can do no wrong. Maybe they even believe the grades they get!

So, I will carry on as is, perhaps making things a little easier of simpler but I will push on with pushing them on. As I told Champ, I’m not really teaching English. Their understanding of English will occur naturally once they see the rewards of work and practice through thinking.

Coy Maids Yield – 23rd November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

A peach, not yet ripe, hangs tempting
Soft fur on skin clear and pale
Untouched by the hands of fate
A heart grows older, lamenting
This light will never be the same
When summer arrives, the crow is late
And so shall end this game

The gravity tugs at all the fruits
Suspended like puppets, dancing on the wind
The ripened fall among the flowers
As the strings begin to yield and bend
Gently whispered words that sour
As hungry wolves gather sniffing
In search of fresh fruits to devour

No new ideas found under Newton’s tree
What is gone will bloom again
Forbidden fruits in gardens green
Cherries picked, hummingbird and bee
Seeds spread to await cold rain
The coy maids’ pollen floating free

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that we found a little scratch on Cap’s belly last night so that we could treat it before it might get infected. It was because I love to pet our cats that I usually find scratches and cuts that need attention.

All good things must come to an end? Whilst I’m happily working away, thinking up more and better ways to encourage my students to learn, I got told that the school has received complaints about me from parents. It’s not clear to me exactly what these complaints are yet but giving students assignments to work on when they are not in class (ie online teaching times) was mentioned.

As I think about it I wonder if these complaints are actually not so much about me but about the students, their children. Some are so far behind that they would struggle in even primary classes.

Tomorrow I will talk to Champ and Kru Nu and I will think of questions that I want to ask them. In particular, now, my two questions are what are the specific complaints and what do you want me to do? When I was talking with Champ, I just got the vague response of ‘make the complaints go away.’

I know that George will be shaking his head if he knows about this. He always keeps everything smooth and makes everything as easy as possible for his students. They can cruise through his class. I see the Thai teachers doing this too.

Ah – I’ve written this all here before. I want to push the students, make them curious and interested to learn. Each class has such good students mixed with others who have very poor skills. I prefer to teach to the middle-top rather than be bored with teaching such simple stuff.

But maybe I should change my thinking, have the simple life, make it easy and care less about the outcome for the students. It feels like such a cop out to me. Should I even be a teacher? I’m anxious and confused now. I want to defend myself but I should just try and keep my mouth shut. In the meeting tomorrow I should take notes and just work to what they tell me.

Gah! Even as I’m writing that my head is going ‘but…but…but.’ Do I care too much? I love all these kids, even the poor students. Even the ones who don’t like me.

Along with all this we’ve been trying to sort out Amy’s name change for her Aussie passport and that can of worms continued to grow but now we’ve sorted it out and will have to deal with all the Thai paperwork when she’s back from Australia again. That was stressful and it’s still stressful knowing that we will have to revisit it again in the future.

In another 11 years (or is it 15?) I will be able to get my superannuation from Australia. Where do I want to be? Where will we want to be? Should we sell up and go back now? Could I survive in Australia again? Could I do it without working? Where is the easy life I was searching for?

Haha. I make myself laugh. I’m always telling myself that it is better to suffer in life. To know that you are alive. Life is pain. And that’s ok with me.

The Week That Was – 25th February 1979

Sleep Alone – 22nd November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We can’t share this dream together
Each world, a darkness of our own
The waking world we have in common
Born to us after our sleep alone

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Dave Drayton in Australia who sent me his book of poems. Today I will send him something in return.

Yesterday was a beautiful blue sky day, which Amy tuts at and means that people will start burning again now, and then we’ll be back to a smoky sky. What she says is true but I’d rather just take in the beautiful sky as it is, right then and there. She warned me that she was pre-menstrual, so I didn’t say anything!

We went to visit Bruno and Nut and had a good lunch through to dinner, chatting about everything and anything. Bruno and I did a quick dash into the city to meet an acquaintance of his who has just opened a coffee shop at their house. His name is Run and his English was pretty good.

Back at Bruno’s, I ate lots of hot pot food and took part in drinking all their ‘weed whiskey’, which didn’t taste like either and didn’t have much of either effect too, but it tasted nice. I had a good time even though I didn’t get a chance to practice guitar. I’ll make up for it tonight, hopefully. I’m starting to feel a little tired now.

This week is no-kids week for me, so I’m at House, marking their work as they send it and preparing for more weeks for 2/9. My ass is getting sore from sitting on these stools for too long.

At some point, I want to sit and listen to a CD and write about each song, to try and practice my writing and get down how those sounds make me feel. I really wanted to just listen to the Leopold CD I just bought. I heard it last week and really liked it and wanted to take the time to concentrate on it a bit more. I ran out of time though.

No Permanent Thief – 21st November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Stolen words, grabbed from shelves
Taken off pages with eyes aware
Returned to racks, no damage done
No theft, just a knowledge share

Inspired by Ray Bradbury describing stealing magazines from newsagents, reading them and then putting them back on the shelves.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have things to do this weekend. Yesterday was a little teaching and today we’ll visit Nut and Bruno.