Month: December 2021

In The RV – 21st December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The power’s gone out
And there’s snow on the roof
So begins the test
If you are living in truth
There’s no heat now
Time for another sweater
“The sacrifices are severe
But the rewards are even better”

Inspired and quoted by interviews with Christmas tree sellers in New York at the Cafe Anne newsletter
11th Nov 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – sweater

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see the almost full moon on one side of the sky this morning, followed by a red sun rising over the mountains on the other side of the sky.

I didn’t sleep well on the 19th (Fui told me there was an earthquake and that may have woken me up.) and skipped school, not that I would’ve had much to do anyway with kids at home. Still, a couple of them sent me their work, which made me happy.

I spent most of the day reading comics in bed, which was excellent!

In the afternoon, I dropped over to Bruno’s and we went off for a good walk that took me over 10,000 steps for the day and I felt pretty good after that. I unloaded a lot of complaining on Bruno. He knows and understands the kind of things I’m going through with school. He listened sympathetically whilst we took a trip around the hilltop village near where Laetitia used to live.

I would like to do more walking, especially in these cooler days but my dodgy feet are holding me back. I should go and get them checked out at the hospital – see if the insurance gives me any cover for that.

25th Sep 2025 – I still haven’t done this!

I was pretty down at the weekend. Post alcohol malaise, I think, and I’m a little worried about when Amy is not here. She helps keep me steady and motivated at times like these.

I’m sitting in House at the moment and feeling a little anxiety as there are many things I want to do and I feel like I’m rushing things. Not teaching the kids online (and just assigning work to complete) has definitely made me busier as I spend more time following up on them. Oh well, I feel like I’m doing the right thing. Time to make calls for my next class.

Carrying The Pain Of The World – 20th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The more you learn about life
And the wiser that you get
There’s more responsibility
In carrying the pain that is met

This is love, the sacrifice
The willingness to forgive and forget
If this lesson is never learned
A life is lived full of regret

Inspired and quoted by interviews with Christmas tree sellers in New York at the Cafe Anne newsletter

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this sneaky day off work and being able to read a stack of comics in my free time. My mind is taken to so many different places when I read.

Some Days – 19th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Some days are shit, that’s the way it’s gotta be
How you gonna know if good is all you see?
In the end, there just can’t be another way
Some days are shit and that includes today

I enjoyed the whisky last night but the write-off for today just isn’t worth it. I feel slow, sluggish and depressed. I don’t feel like going to school tomorrow but I should be all right by then. Just have to talk myself around.

Born Ready – 18th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s all about the effort, you gotta believe
That’s what success is, not what you achieve
To be in control is to be steady
To become the best, realise you were born ready

Tell yourself, repeat, don’t be lazy
If you put 100% you cannot be crazy
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose
Success is defined by the action you choose

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the passionfruit I can see outside, on the ground, waiting for me to pick it up and scoop out its insides and drink its delicious juice.

Yesterday I ran out of energy. My last class was restless so we got through it double quick and the boys all left and the girls all cleaned the classroom, which made me sad and upset.

I ate lunch and read in the teachers’ room until George came in, making noise and encouraging everyone to eat more than they wanted, ordering Dylan and others around and wanting everyone to join in playing Kahoot. It’s sometimes difficult to see if everyone does it to humour him and not upset him or if they find him really inspiring and friendly. I find it all insincere and manipulative, as you can probably tell.

Anyway, it was obvious I had to get out of his way for them to play so I went out to the other room. During all this, I just flagged and though I’d planned to go meet Bruno, I cancelled and headed home and was in bed before 8 and asleep by 9.30!

I didn’t feel too bad in the morning today but couldn’t force myself to exercise and settled for coffee instead.

I’d missed a call from Ellen yesterday and she sent me a message this morning that she was thinking of killing herself! I called her and talked with her for half an hour. She’s having some tough times and I hoped I could give her some positive encouragement. I told her we should talk again each Saturday (just so I can check in with her).

She’s still looking for people to teach for her, which I’m too busy for now but I don’t really know anyone. Even foreign teachers at school, I wouldn’t want to recommend to her in case she gets fucked around by them. I hope she’ll be ok.

Today, I flagged again around 3pm. Amy and I had been running around preparing for next weekend’s party at her parents. We stopped in a cafe on the way back and as we drank our drinks, we both stopped talking and subconsciously realised it was time to head home and take a nap.

I got sucked in by the Khalil Gibran story I was reading, ‘Khalil The Heretic’ and then ended up reading comics until just before sunset. Better for a good sleep tonight anyway.

I’ll go feed the cats and feel like watching a movie, maybe a few sips of whiskey.

You Gotta Show Up – 17th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A boring meditation of repetitious boredom
A distant goal but no one to score them
Successful or not, you just gotta show up
Sisyphus is happy and never gonna stop

10th Oct 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – distant

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to snooze my alarm this cold morning. I slept deeply but woke up feeling uncomfortable so I ended up with not enough good sleep.

Oh, new pen, I love you! But I grabbed the last one available. I hope that they restock them. This pen is called Energel Metal Tip 0.7. It’s cheap, made in Japan. The flow is nice on this paper and it’s comfortable enough in my fingers.

I was tired again this morning and snoozed. It was cold too so staying in bed longer was too appealing to overcome.

I did some sit-ups last night. Something that I want to add to my daily routine. I have to do them by hooking my feet under the lounge in Kim Chi’s room because I don’t have the muscles yet to pull my body weight up completely. But hopefully that happens at some point in the future. There are some things my body just cannot do.

As I was driving home yesterday, Amy called and asked to pick up some ice so I took the turn off to go to the auntie store at the back of our house. As I approached, there is a vacant block just before the store. In the corner, near the edge of the road, is a spirit house and I saw a guy standing, facing it. As I got closer, he turned to look at me. He was wearing a trilby-style hat and a big, fluffy coat that came down to his waist. His face looked brutish, with a rough beard. He was built like a Samoan rugby player.

The weird thing, though, was that he wasn’t wearing anything else – completely naked from the bottom down, his butt cheeks shining out to the road and the world, his skinny legs stuck, thankfully, as he swivelled his torso to eye me. I didn’t catch it and quickly drove past.

As I got out of the car at the store, he was still standing there, facing the spirit house. Some weird ritual? More likely, good drugs. I got the ice and got the hell out of there before he decided it was time to come and say hello. Welcome to Ban Huai Phlu!

A Good Witch – 16th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What power does a good witch wield
And how can it be so?
The power to limit jackassery
Using that golden word – No!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the coffee shop next to school where I can go and work quietly when I don’t have the car to go off elsewhere.

Quick one today. I gotta pee and I gotta go buy some bits and pieces.

Reasonable classes today and I enjoyed the students a lot. A little bit of effort from them will bring them a reward. A happy teacher will make a happy student.

I started the final 30-day abs workout. Already, it’s hard! But I’m gonna do it.

This pen is running out. That’s two pens in two days. Something else to buy.

New Wind – 15th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I let the spiders in through the tiny cracks
Their wicked whispers leave deadly tracks
A background chatter of ropes and pills
Terrible solutions that may cure my ills

I must welcome the birds and breeze
A new wind to put my mind at ease
Open the doors to let the sunshine in
And live life with the shadows the light will bring

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to play badminton with Amy yesterday in the driveway. We had to lock out Tangmo because the day before he chewed on the shuttlecock.

I was looking forward to only having one class today, catching up with a few things, sitting drinking coffee at House but last night Amy told me she will use the car today so I’m sitting in Le Paradis instead (the school cafe). At least it’s a little better in here than in the teacher’s room and I can be pretty much by myself.

I also have to go to see the psychiatrist again this afternoon, just to get more medicine. I’m back down to just 50mg sertraline again for now, which seems to be doing me ok. I’m enjoying 37.5mg tramadol every day and generally that just makes me feel fucking awesome. I’m glad you can just buy over the counter here. It’s addictive but it has a powerful effect and I love it! The sertraline stops me being depressed and the tramadol makes me happy and relaxed. If there are any negative effects from this combination, perhaps it’s worth it!

In my one class today, one of the female students, Kartoon, called me over and she had translated (on her phone) that she wanted to go and change her sanitary napkin. I thought it was cool that she had no fear to share this information without any feeling of shame or fear. Maybe girls are always like this, even when I was their age and, as a boy, I never noticed and, as a boy, I didn’t really understand the concept of periods.

Anyway, I told her that she didn’t need to explain why she needed to go to the bathroom, that I understood girls have different needs than boys and she understood what I was trying to tell her.

Passive Acceptance – 14th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Injustices were done by the highest power
Judgements given at the midnight hour
No stories heard except for prosecution
A night of grace before execution

The following day punishments exacted
Grievers told their stories reenacted
Tears were shed, sighs resolved in pain
Prayers sent to a god that can’t explain

Based on a Khalil Gibran short story

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy filled the petrol in the car on the weekend which saves me 1000 baht this month.

Yesterday, I read a simple mindfulness tip to practice. Every time you open a door or sit down, take a second to consider the reality around. Become aware of everything around you. Possibilities and realities. Brace yourself (when opening the door to a classroom!).

I liked this idea and thought I should try it but so far, I have not remembered even one single time! I think my brain is constantly engaged with thoughts about what is going to happen and what I am doing, planning or even just nonsense thinking – my brain is too busy and I just don’t think about it. I’ll keep trying though. Gotta bring it to the front of my brain.

This morning I finished my second lot of 30-day abs exercises. It’s still difficult but I can feel it getting slightly easier. I have to do the next set before Amy leaves because I’m not sure how much time I’ll have in the mornings, with having to feed the cats, unless I get up even earlier each day. I can do that but it will be harder to push myself. I will also have less time during the day as I will need to find food for myself too.

Damn, I will miss Amy’s cooking so much!

Ok – back to it – one more class on this busy day.

What’s The Point Of Your Third Eye When The First Two Are Blind? – 13th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Standing in the garden at night
Looking up at the brightest star
The darkness blankets me in comfort
I cannot fathom where you are

I’m just beginning my investigation
An infinite universe to explore
I’m not afraid of this vagueness
It’s what every idea is for

It’s a new way of seeing
A view of the world with open eyes
No limits to where I roam
With childlike wonder and surprise

Repressed ideas often leak out
But they no longer make me afraid
I challenge myself for the pleasure
Of this wonderful life I’ve made

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy got up with me this morning to join my abs workout. It was tough for her.

The crappy TV break yesterday was less than crappy. It was perfect.

I watched some YouTube videos and some Trailer Park Boys. I dismissed TPB when it first aired because it wasn’t laugh-out-loud funny, just amusing stereotypes at play. After 15 years, I decided to give it another shot and I’m glad I did. One thing I like about it is the appearance of how much fun they must have had making it. I’m very curious what these people are like in real life but I don’t want to find out yet, that would spoil the illusion for me.

The environment for the setting of the show reminds me so much of when I used to visit Turlin Moor with Justin and, occasionally, Rupert and Jeremy. Looking back, that place was scary. Turlin Moor was an area in Poole where recently released convicts were rehoused. Needless to say, not many had been rehabilitated.

I don’t really remember how often I went there but it was enough to feel somewhat welcome and protected. We hung out at a family house. A mother (Pam) with two kids and then all the other wastrels hanging around. There was usually 10 to 12 people lounging around the living room.

I never went on my own, always with Justin, though I may have stayed there overnight sometimes and Justin went to his home, which was within walking distance.

Friendly though the people there were, they weren’t always the brightest sparks and trouble was never far away. I managed to avoid getting involved and just relished this little family community that accepted anyone.

My other main watch this weekend was on YouTube, where I discovered someone had uploaded the Sensational Swans video. Something I’d been trying to find since its release in late 2005. It was available to buy from the Sydney Swans website but I didn’t want to pay full price for it and hoped it would turn up in the video store and I could just rent it and rip it. I did that with the release of the Grand Final from that year but the Sensational Swans was an hour and a half review of the whole season. In comparison the final was not so excting.

Anyway, watching this on the weekend got me wound up. Remembering names and goals and faces but the best/worst things was feeling the tension watching the little game reviews, even though I already knew the result.

I love watching the AFL and the Swans (when we play well). I’m excited for the coming season already.

New Names – 12th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 9 Comments

40 years or many aeons
It’s all exactly the same
What more is there to see?
Just give it a new name

Every empire risen
Has since fallen away
It’s the rhythm of events
There’s nothing that will stay

Do not dwell further on it
Neither choose to ignore
Every atom recycled
And we will be no more

14th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United Friday Writings #131

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the cheap rope I bought for Tangmo to play with and that I found it again in the field opposite after he ran away with it last night.

Ploughed through all my recently downloaded music. Some genius works there and lots of perplexing nonsense. I have too much and also not enough. I have half a plan to do another new podcast for a while. We’ll see. I want to get on top of my blog more than anything.

The daylight is weird today. It’s warm but looks like it will rain but it is 100% unlikely to rain. It’s making me feel tired. Or maybe I am tired. I think I just want to go and watch crappy TV for a while. Give my brain a break.