We’re making black and white from grey With all the conflicting information on show Picking a side of the fence to stay But the smart thing is to say ‘I don’t know’
My new yoga mat which I finally unpacked and used this morning. I only did a quick workout as I woke up with a start with my first alarm and snoozed a bit after that. I’ll not be able to keep the mat out as our cats will eventually pee and puke on it which is what happened with the last two.
The best thing about today was:
A bowl of LungChom coconut ice cream with fresh strawberries, yoghurt and chocolate muesli. Damn, I’m going to have to make sure I workout a lot these days.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I couldn’t stop myself from an afternoon nap even though as I was nodding off whilst reading and telling myself ‘getting up to exercise will stop you from falling asleep’! I’d planned to get the bike cleaned and serviced and go to Daytripper and ended up not even leaving home again!
Something I learned today?
In Denmark women are (or were in the early 2000s) encouraged back into the workforce after their children reached 18 months, sending their kids to care centres. The carers and parents all rationalised this as positive despite all scientific evidence suggesting the outcome is negative for the babies.
What were the highlights of this past month?
This month has been pretty quiet in general. It’s just been work and home. Nothing stands out but as I’ve said before I’m happy with that. No highs mean no lows. And in general, I’m riding above the median and savouring my life.
Anchan took this picture as part of a TikTok video because that’s what kids do. So, being the annoying teacher I am, I photo-bombed her, making fun of her and to her credit, she was completely unfazed and finished her mime song and uploaded it. Maybe I’ll be famous!
I met a salesman from an orange land Who said “Two fat and chubby legs of stone Stand on the golf course…In the bunker, on the sand Buried in broken promises, whose botox smooth Unwrinkled lip, and sneer of old demand Tell that it’s maker well understood Lifeless things will always be lifeless things This hand mocks him, there is no good And on the pedestal, these words appear My name is Trump, you’re fired! Look at my face, losers, and despair No trace remains of policies of decay A colossal trainwreck of heartless hot air Blows across the bunkers and far away.”
The charging cable that I always borrow from Kru Mai so I can use the speaker in the classroom. I’m charging now so I can use it for class tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
In my morning class finding 100 baht that someone had dropped but no one claimed. I kept it and waited to see if anyone would come back to claim it though no one did.
In my second class, it was Anchan’s birthday and we sang her happy birthday. Often the kids ask me for money and I’ll give them one baht and tell them to share. Anchan cheekily asked for 100 baht and as I was up for the day I gave her the money I’d found.
Something I learned today?
In 2010 the US Supreme Court made a ruling in Citizens United versus Federal Election Commission that companies are people and money is speech, therefore allowing companies to use money to influence the political process, effectively turning the US into a plutocracy.
What is my favourite photo of the past month?
I think this must be the pictures Aing took of me at the waterfall. The experience itself was fantastic and freezing and then to see myself, a flabby middle-aged man in his underwear dwarfed by the torrents of water falling from the rocks yet laughing with joy, stupid mad joy still motivates me to live my life any way I can and want.
I took this picture because, in the messy garden of House which is full of green everything, this red flower overhanging the path screams ‘take my picture’!
A lazy weekend spent trying to keep my brain in control. It wasn’t too bad but it meant not being in the mood to do anything much.
There’s a bunch of chores I was hoping to complete but ended up doing only the essentials so another huge pile of shirts awaits as well as all Amy’s indoor plants that need some topping up with water.
At the the start of the week I’m somehow filled with energy but by the end I’m knackered. This weekend was a catch-up with myself.
To push myself a little I’ve messaged Bruno to go for a little ride which also forces me to get my bike a quick service and a wash too. By committing to some things I’ll get pushed along.
I did spend the weekend chatting in LINE with some students about their futures and that was a good little exercise in communication, not just for them but for me too.
Back in the classroom, this morning was fun as I’m relaxing into the end of the semester, as the students have been doing for the last six weeks or so already.
Sometimes I question whether pushing the kids harder is the right thing to do. Their lives are so much easier compared to my own experience and what I understand for many other students around the world. In my mind that leads to laziness and lack of innovation or critical thinking.
I look at myself and realise how I, myself, hidden away from people, generally ignorant of the dramas of the world, feel much happier that way. Maybe there’s just no right and wrong, or good or bad way. I can feel that I’ve bonded with this group of M1 (grade 7) students – I guess as we’ve had at-school classes for the whole year instead of the lockdown interruptions of the last two years.
I’ll miss these kids as I won’t teach them so much next year if class arrangements stay the same
Is there good reason to fetch water To quell the house that’s burning? A reason to continue living oughtta Be something that’s worth learning
inspired by Existential Comics 487
Today I’m feeling:
A little dizzy but more enthusiastic than yesterday. I’ve stuck with the half tablet of sertraline again today and hope I can maintain it by taking tramadol in the mornings to keep me boosted up a bit.
Today I’m grateful for:
The strawberry sellers from the mountains are back outside 7/11 with a lot of juicy fresh fruit at ridiculously cheap prices. Tomorrow I’ll pick up some coconut ice cream from LungChom and get fat again like I did last year! Ok, well I’ll try not to do that but I am looking forward to that mix of ice cream yoghurt strawberries and a dash of chocolate toasted muesli.
The best thing about today was:
Finally finishing the Anton Chekov 100 short stories collection. It took about three months as I was generally satisfied with just reading one story a day and some stories were only two pages long. The stories themselves were all enjoyable to excellent though.
Liu Cixin’s Death’s End next, to finish off this awesome sci-fi trilogy.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My main computer is having problems again so I’m struggling to get some things done with it at the moment, such as using the app that I practice guitar with. I need to back up some files and reinstall the operating system again to see if that fixes whatever the problem is again. It worked last time, about 18 months ago and I hope it will work again. I could do with this machine running for a few more years.
Something I learned today?
27th Feb 2023 – I went off looking at things to consider something useful that I learned today and got so distracted that I forgot to update here.
How did I show kindness to someone today?
Apart from the three boys at Utopia (Art, Boss and Gong), I didn’t meet anyone today. I didn’t show kindness specifically, and nor was I unkind. After arriving home at 9.30am I haven’t talked directly with anyone. Except for conversations with four of my M2 students in LINE where I’ve been asking their ideas about future jobs and I have been encouraging them no matter how wild their dreams. I’ve also put suggestions forward for backup plans too.
I took this picture on my January bike ride because finding this lake was a little unexpected at the time. I came across a few like this and they looked like old rock mines and the blast holes had since filled with water. No new pictures today. It’s been dull and grey all day.
The tallest tree is afraid of lightning And forever wants to stand tall To rise above the rest is so frightening But one must look over them all
Competition begins at the very roots Fighting for glimpses of the sun Cooperation only required when it suits Until the race can be clearly won
The tallest tree, with its deep shade Stunts both the weak and the good The forest succumbs to death man-made And all becomes the finest wood
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and dizzy. Unenthusiastic. I’ve been reducing my sertraline dose to half a 50mg tablet a day and it had been on until today. The feeling is so disorienting that I don’t feel inclined to push through. I’ll go back to my regular dose tomorrow.
Today I’m grateful for:
Netflix and British TV. I’m really not in the mood for anything today and whilst on other days I usually hate to waste time with watching TV shows today I’m finding numbing satisfaction in not thinking. I think I’m gonna be ok.
The best thing about today was:
Cute Noey at Utopia making my coffee and trying her best to improve her skills. We didn’t talk for a long time as she is quiet and maybe intimidated in a work environment of boys. She has a kind of endearing ditzy attitude like she doesn’t take anything too seriously but obviously, deep down has a different personality lying in wait to be discovered by her intimates.
Anyway, the coffee tasted good despite the lack of foam that I like.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My feelings and emotions are a little out of control today but I’m well aware of it. I hate to waste a weekend day but know I need to get to the other side of this feeling so I’ve handled it by sleeping and TV.
Something I learned today?
I watched an edited version of a debate with Matt Taibbi, Douglas Murray and Malcolm Gladwell and was quite shocked to hear a usually smart guy like Gladwell resorting to straw man arguments.
The topic was about trust in mainstream media in the USA and I was quite surprised that Gladwell sided with the idea that we can trust it.
I’ve been watching Chinese news (CGTN) to get news from the States. They just report the facts as they know them. No opinion no debate no analysis. Just like news should be. Most of their reports are less than two minutes long.
USA news sources are 24-hour verbal diarrhoea and for all the talk nothing is achieved.
What do I enjoy doing?
Today the only thing I enjoyed was sleeping. Most days I actually enjoy almost everything I do.
I took this picture because I liked the look of this mini cactus at House. It could serve well as a model railway cactus.
Come in, my neighbour, share my bread Sit, eat, talk and listen to what is said This is the only meal that we need fed
Come in, my neighbour, you’re welcome here Sit, eat and talk and I’ll listen to what you fear The walls of our history will disappear
Come in, my neighbour, all will be well Sit, eat, talk and I, too, will tell Of the help I got each time I fell
Come in, my neighbour, the door is open Sit, eat, talk and I’ll consider words spoken We are the glue to fix the broken
Today I’m feeling:
Content
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s needles and cotton so I can attempt to fix the holes in my favourite t-shirts. I’m not sure quite how it will look afterwards, maybe even worse than the holes but anyway I’m grateful to have the tools to make an attempt!
The best thing about today was:
Some interesting LINE conversations with my students when I ask them what they would like to do when they finish school and university. Rista wants to be a volleyball player as her mum was denied the opportunity to do the same.
Aoey wants to be a tattoo artist which is a surprise to me as I don’t think I’ve ever seen her drawing. Anchan, a flight attendant, not unrealistic for her if she pushes herself and Bright wants to be a barista.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The washing machine couldn’t spin dry the doona so I hung it out wet. No big deals today.
Something I learned today?
I’ve been reading a lot of news today and somehow feel that I have learned nothing.
What do I need to embrace about myself?
I think I’m pretty well embraced. Perhaps that is a sentiment of age, a resignation or acceptance of one’s own foibles. I know what I’m not good at and have a good idea of what I am good at.
I took this picture because the forecast was for a possible storm but this was all the skies could muster. It did make for a nice shot at least!
Now we are the Nazis We are ISIS, the terrorists We accepted hatred For our motivational bomb-schools Where lessons learned Were in books burned As we mistook our enemies To be the ones fooled
Now we commit genocide From romantic shelter Far away from freedom Forcing refugees at our borders No ifs, just rifle butts Force of power, force power cuts And bodies pile up Of those who were simply following orders
The stash of Pocky that Amy left here because she couldn’t fit it in her luggage when going back to Australia. Now I can use them as birthday gifts for my students!
The best thing about today was:
I want to say my students but they were probably also the worst thing about today too! They make me laugh and they make me cry.
Goya and Pat gave me friendship bracelets (just pieces of string).
Fah and Boty play jokes on me and Bright always enjoys having jokes played on him.
And of course, they all try to get away with murder when they think I’m not looking.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The usual group of 1/7 students were late to my class again and I marked them as ‘absent’. I could tell 4 of them were debating whether to just skip class then but decided to stay though they weren’t very happy.
They soon cheered themselves up together though and were very happy when I rewarded them by changing their status to ‘late’ instead of ‘absent’.
They come up with all sorts of bullshit excuses for being late but realise they don’t fly when all the other students are always on time.
The work is so easy too but they don’t put it together that if they just cracked on with it they could finish the class that much sooner. They’ll figure themselves out at some point.
Something I learned today?
I learned that from 1971 until 1989 US-China relations were fairly cooperative except that for the US it was a case of an enemy of my enemy is a friend and the relationship changed again once the Soviet Union fell. It makes me wonder why we have to have enemies?
How can I be more mindful and present in the moment?
I think I need to calm my thoughts a lot more again. My brain is a little overactive recently and I need to stop looking at things like Twitter and YouTube as much as I do. It’s too easy to get wound up by the stupidities of the world when in actuality things are quite sedate around my own life.
I took this picture because our jacarandas are blooming and in the misty sunrise the purple looks luscious.
Baking soda which seems to have reduced the smell of cat pee in my mattress considerably. I may need another 10 kilos to completely fix it but hopefully, the mattress will start smelling of me and my sweat again soon.
The best thing about today was:
Was talking with a lady I often see at House who usually says hello in English but we never talked beyond that. I could tell she was quite chatty by the way she talks with Gui and today we started talking as we waited for Gui to get out of the shower (as we were technically there before he was open). Her name is Poy and she has pretty good English skills.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My students blatantly copying work and just laughing when I point it out to them. What can I do? I just laughed with them too.
Something I learned today?
The New York Times ran an anti-China piece about how a top Chinese banker has been detained by police in China, trying to show that bad things happen there.
However, people from all around the world commented that it’s good to see a country not afraid to detain high-level officials especially if they actually have done something wrong because that rarely happens in so-called free societies as are believed to be in ‘the West’.
How have I experienced wonder or awe lately?
My life and feeling these days is quite steady and stable without the highs and lows that come with awe or negative thoughts. I was quite in awe as I did my bike ride last month as I found myself exploring new hills and valleys secreted away aroundabouts. A little bit of that was enhanced by a hit of acid but still, I was feeling awe and wonder.
I took this picture because the colour of the numerous flowers on this tree forced me to pull over as I was driving by. This is an acceptable drive-by shooting.
From orange to red, we’re ready To march off into four-cornered war Fortunes hold battle lines steady When it’s forgotten what we’re fighting for
And twenty years of resistance Have been unable to remove the stink Yet perhaps with a little more insistence Peace may be found with CODEPINK
Today I’m feeling:
Content. Happy that I have the afternoon free from classes.
Today I’m grateful for:
Lachlan and Mike for sending me the lost package replacement of the HCT album release from last year though they unfortunately also sent me vinyl instead of the t-shirt I ordered.
The best thing about today was:
Going to Daytripper and learning a new card game with some of the students there. The game is called Keng (I think) and after getting a quick understanding of the rules I played a few hands before I had to go and could see there was a deeper strategy involved.
I’ll play again if I see those kids there again. I’ve seen them there before but today was the first time I’ve been introduced.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Struggling to think of anything, except my students as per usual but even that didn’t bother me today.
Something I learned today?
From listening to Jello Biafra’s podcast I learned a little about Ukrainian history and if I remember correctly Ukraine is where the original Russians are from, something about Vikings moving down from the north.
I also put 2 and 2 together about the connection between Russia and the ‘rus’ in Belarus though I think I might’ve acquired that knowledge many years ago and since forgotten.
Whilst listening and considering these things it makes one wonder why we’re fighting over arbitrary borders that have changed over the years. One of the interviewee’s stories was about a family member who had lived in three different countries without ever moving house!
What are some of my favourite memories from past travels?
The extreme dry heat in Rhodes, the smell of a new world, swimming at the pool, riding around the island on a motorbike, getting naked at the pebble beach, the broken bottle of ouzo in my luggage on return.
Landing in Sydney for the first time, the smell of lemon-scented gums, riding on highways wider than I’d ever seen, through so much beautiful scrubland, mountains and rivers.
Landing in Guangzhou, China, clueless; again, the smell of a new world, wandering around the Forbidden City in Beijing and a ruined part of the Great Wall in the countryside, the food! The food! So many different places around China and crazy stories. One day maybe, they’ll be written down before forgotten.
The temples in Kyoto, the flashing neon of Osaka and Tokyo, the food! Beautiful walks in Nikko and the onsen in Minikami.
The crazy car ride from the airport in Kuala Lumpur with Epit, meeting up with Lex at Batu Caves, the start of a great friendship with Kimi and staying in his many residences over the years, the food, the monkies, the waterfalls, the monitor lizards.
In Thailand, the rice paddies, the valleys, the waterfalls, the beaches, the food!
I took this picture because my routine doesn’t vary that much and I’m here again at Daytripper though this time at a different table than usual. The temperature is cool due to the haze though it doesn’t seem to be from smoke or at least not the usual lethal smoke.
You can tell I’ve been watching too much Trailer Park Boys recently.
So I’m sending a letter from the past. It’s Feb 21st 2022 and I just talked to you this weekend. You sounded pretty upbeat and happy. You were helping your friend move house. Is that friend still around?
It was great to hear you sounding happy. And at least if things weren’t going your way you still seem to be being positive about them.
Right now, it’s been a couple of weeks since Amy came back to Australia. We miss each other a lot but support each other in what we’re doing. I wonder where we all will be when you receive this. Right now, I’m hoping I’ll still be chilling in Thailand, maybe even not working.
Suck up all the art Fill yourself with beauty Become a state of being Admit yourself this duty We need you here You’re needed now Your inquisition Inspires somehow
Within enrichment’s search Potential will be realised Corrosive forces negated Leaves creatives satisfied This is your art Your appreciation Forever fuelling Fires of inspiration
Today I’m feeling:
Surprisingly ok despite a lack of sleep last night.
Today I’m grateful for:
The traditional Thai brooms that I used this afternoon to sweep leaves off our paths and terrace. I’ve grown to like them over time. I used the prefer a hard sweeping brush but that wouldn’t be so useful for these leaves.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing my first class with about 30 minutes spare so I let the kids go and some invited me to play volleyball with them.
Later some of my students from my second class seemed in a jovial mood and happy to come to my lesson when usually they have other things on their minds.
Both classes were quite raucous but I was able to eventually guide them through and maybe even one or two of them actually learned something.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’m still playing catch up on household chores and want to vacuum and mop the floors but I can’t get everything done. Or perhaps I’m just a little too lazy to knock it all off in one night.
Tomorrow afternoon I’ll have some extra time but I’m already thinking to go to Daytripper and chilling there!
When I’m thinking about things getting out of my control for this question I’m usually focused on emotional control and in general that has been quite stable recently.
Something I learned today?
I found out about a group of women called Codepink who have been protesting in the US against the war in Ukraine and against the sabre rattling and machinations of the war machine towards China. Good on them. Now they need to get the rest of the American people on board to convince their government against further escalations.
What am I thinking about right now?
The smell of cat pee! My students. Cat pee. Making the bed. Washing my hands. A snack? The smell. My own pee. My aching back. Today’s journal entries. A whole lot of thoughts about nothing in particular. My version of ignorance is bliss.
I took this picture because I’ve had to cover my mattress with Snake Brand Prickly Heat Cooling Powder in an attempt to cover up the smell of cat pee. I’m not sure how well it’s going to work or what side effects I might experience once laid down in bed.
The smell is overpowering. If there is a purgatory it is surely full of cat piss. Sitting and making video presentations over the weekend was reasonably enjoyable as far as having to do extra school activities goes though the conditions to make them were less than favourable and it wasn’t exactly made clear that we had to do them and why we had to be doing them there and then. In fact, it was my guess that it wasn’t necessary at all and by the end of the day nothing was said when neither David nor I had finished videos. I had already decided on what I wanted to do and that I would submit it later when conditions were more suitable. What has all this got to do with cat piss? One of our bastard cats (otherwise lovely) pissed all over my bed and it sank into the mattress. No matter how much perfume I sprayed on it and had beautiful new clean sheets it meant that every time I rolled over and awoke slightly that terrible smell brought me around and I started thinking about perfecting this damn video! I’m not sure I’ll make it – I suppose I could be doing it now. Well, that’s kinda my story for the weekend and despite only about five hours sleep I feel okay right now at 10 am. My first class was rowdy but okay. The kids were super happy to finish early and I went and played volleyball with them for a bit before their next class. I’m trying to figure out if I’m imagining the smell of cat piss or if it is somehow on my skin or clothes or just particles of ammonia stuck in my nose. I’ll have to figure something out for the mattress before sleeping tonight – I’d like to put it in the sun but worried other cats will come along and add to the odour.
8th Nov 2023 – I never made any video in the end and typically, nothing was said. None of the foreign teachers have been doing it so far. Keep smiling.
As the book opens, princesses are yawning Dead-eyed dogs trudge homeward Bamboo whistles in the wind Lulling all with the promise of reprieve Here at the edges of time The world diverges for those to clash Mad deviations keep the wheels greased For those dogs forever fighting The red sky denied, turns blue Filled with the joyful and forlorn Intermissions inspire reflection About the dogs that stalk the dark
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and better than yesterday.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Thai teachers around me who were helpful and also amusing. Despite having to ‘work’ all weekend it was interesting enough and time passed by quickly thanks to the pleasant atmosphere.
The best thing about today was:
Finding out about some cool features of some of the tools we were learning today, enough to make me consider paying the small fee to access them. They would help enhance my classes a little.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? Not having enough time at home to get all the chores that should have been completed on time. How did I handle it? By doing them, but not on time. It’s not the biggest issue but it means leaving wet washing outside overnight.
Also, I wasn’t able to shampoo Tigger again and he really needs it. I hope to do that on Tuesday afternoon if nothing else comes up.
Although these things are not really in my control I don’t consider them to be that important that they are giving me too much stress. There was a time when I would’ve let these things bother me more.
Something I learned today?
From reading an online post I found out that perhaps Hanoi is comparable to Chiang Mai and HCMC to Bangkok. Armed with that information I think I would prefer northern Vietnam to the south. Not that I wouldn’t want to check it all out for myself.
The writer described Hanoi as more of a collection of villages that have become joined and it is still quick and easy to get out into the mountains and jungles.
How do my thoughts and emotions impact my daily life?
My thoughts need to counter my emotions so I can stay in control. I get better at this though that may be due to avoiding people rather than actual improvement in control!
I took this picture because I knew there weren’t going to be many other chances to take photos today. I dropped into Utopia for my coffee, drinking it quickly but enjoying it immensely. Art gave me a new blend today that was light but zingy.
1994ever 