Month: June 2023

Beautiful Hell – 20th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A half-finished thought on a scrap
Of paper left to wait on the dash
Perhaps one day it will be completed
On this keyboard that I bash
The cosmos forever turning makes
For a beautiful hell to weave
Wherever these gifts are coming from
They’re a pleasure to receive

inspired by text at the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. My classes went well despite some annoyances and stresses. I felt a little bit over it by the end of the day and was glad to get home.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finishing entering my gratitude journal entries online for March 2021-June 2021. Onto the next little journal which continues up to August 2022 and when I started using this app (Day One). It’s kinda ironic that my last entry in that journal I just finished talked about being grateful for the journal itself as I prefer to write with a pen on paper rather than use the phone. I guess I still do prefer that but I’ve gotten used to doing these on the phone now.

The best thing about today was:

Chatting with my student Jet. She asked me what I thought about Kru Ren and I told her I liked him because he was unusual. She agreed and wants to talk with him more because she’s intrigued. She said he is an otaku’s otaku! I don’t know him well enough to comment but I also find him intriguing especially yesterday when he was wearing blue contact lenses.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Well, this is more the opposite. 
In my class yesterday it was apparent that the students didn’t understand much so I quickly put together some work that would give them more familiarity with the vocab and how to find their meanings in the dictionary along with a translation so that they could make connections. 
Setting this up kept them quiet and having them write it all down will help reinforce things a little more. By the time I got to the next class to teach them the same thing I had re-jigged the lesson so that it was in a better order. 
By tomorrow I should know if it has improved from the student’s perspective too.

Something I learned today?

I found some exercises and massage to possibly help my sore toe. I’m not sure if it is a bunion or not but the information should be useful anyway. It seems I would also benefit from buying wide-toed shoes to help too.

What is my favourite way to connect with nature?

See today’s picture. Right now getting on my motorbike and riding around is the best and easiest way for me. I do miss different natural settings these days. I mean the mountains and the jungle are breathtaking at times but it seems impossible to go anywhere here to get away from it.

On Sunday I took this picture because these vivid colours stood out as I was whizzing through this village on my motorbike. I had to stop and go back to get this shot but I’m glad I did.

Unmotivational Speech – 19th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Brain dead, no energy
Why bother? What’s the point?
A six-month-old funky floor
So, let’s clean up this joint

Asleep awake, uninspired
Dullest days in sepia greys
Waste not this time with fun
Let’s get these dull things done

Bored and tired, zombie walk
A total lack of motivation
Washing, ironing, the shitty work
Once achieved provides inspiration

20th Mar 2024 – Submitted to RDP – Anodyne
11th May 2024 – Submitted to RDP – Funky

Today I’m feeling:

A bit wired as I struggled to get to sleep last night after a late afternoon coffee (in a coconut smoothie – delicious!) at Panor whilst out riding around. It was a hot day yesterday and I’m still thirsty from it.

Today I’m grateful for:

The three or four students who understood (in English) what gratitude is and how to apply it. Most of the class were confused though I plan on slowly building their knowledge about gratitude by repeating the exercise every few weeks.

The best thing about today was:

Playing volleyball with some students as a light rain came and cooled us all down. Some students enjoyed it so much that they wanted to get soaked in it. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Trying to get my students to review their work outside of class is very frustrating as they mostly try to ignore messages and make excuses. I don’t know everyone’s situation outside school but I’m sure they mostly spend time playing games or looking at social media. I spent a lot of effort today trying to get everyone to finish the work for me and I was about 90% successful. I’ll take that as a win.

Something I learned today?

I’m learning a few things from reading Sapiens for example how certain mindsets in the past made for dramatic changes around the world. The thought that there was more knowledge out there in the world led to imperialism, capitalism and science. Those who believed that there was nothing outside their own realm worth bothering about were soon in for a surprise. In some ways, it would be nice if we were all just happy in our little spaces and just getting along with those near to us but if that was the case I probably wouldn’t own this phone that I’m currently writing on.

What is something I’ve been procrastinating on that I need to tackle?

Not procrastinating so much as just not having enough free time or dropping something else but I still haven’t got going with Ableton Live and my keyboard. The enthusiasm I had for experimenting and figuring out how to do things with music software is countered by the overwhelming options and possibilities. Well, it’s still there, waiting for when I’m ready.

Where did I show self-discipline?

There was definitely a point in my one class today where it felt like frustration might take over. This usually happens when students are not paying attention and I have to repeat myself several times. 
Somehow I managed to push the emotion back down as ultimately I knew it would be counterproductive to getting anywhere near the result I wanted.

I took this picture because we may have our first-ever dragonfruit this year.

Grant Never Left – 18th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A local legend
Filled with holes
An awesome story
Forever told 
Misquoted memory
A dramatic twist
A Chinese whisper
Adds to the list
Was he so high
He just stayed on?
Slept under stars
Friends all gone

Inspired by the story of Grant Hart staying on in the town where Husker Du played their final show for several months after. I read this in The Punk Planet Interviews book.

Today I’m feeling:

My body is tired again. Can’t motivate myself much though I’ll hang from my hoops later and try to stretch out some weariness. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The old uncle who waved me forward indicating that the way I was going was the way out. This was after I emerged from a Google glitch that had me deeply embedded in jungle vines and old bamboo, shredding my legs. Thanks, Google. Thanks, uncle.

The best thing about today was:

Having an afternoon nap between 10 and 11 am was odd. It was maybe only twenty minutes long and despite having had two coffees it was deep and refreshing. Almost as if I was prescribed a certain amount of sleep and I just needed to finish it off. 
Anyway, I knew I would have to try and counter an actual afternoon nap by taking myself off somewhere so I hopped on the bike with the intention to ride up to Mae Chan in the opposite direction that Bruno and I came back through a couple of weeks back (avoiding the police check). From there I wanted to travel through some of the villages near the base of the mountains around there. Lots of nice spots with views and funny little paths off here and there that were fun to explore. All the while riding along the almost dry river there. A fun day out. Tiring and refreshing at the same time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At Utopia this morning I had a sudden need to use their tiny bathroom. I could see the floor was wet but didn’t realise how much so until I stood up and my pants were soaked through and I looked like I’d peed myself. There was nothing else I could do about it except walk back out into the shop and past all the staff and customers, all the while trying to explain that the floor was wet in the bathroom. Well, what can you do? Best not to be embarrassed and just keep going. I don’t notice much ribbing of each other between kids about things that were embarrassing to me as a kid. It seems a little more forgiving of uncontrollable embarrassment though of course, I could be missing it due to the language barrier.

What is one new thing I’d like to try?

Is there anything? There are probably many things but there’s nothing much that I think I would go out of my way to try these days. If something came along then I’d try it. Am I running out of things to try? Is nothing exciting anymore?

I took this picture because this just came out of the blue as I came around a corner. It seemed to be by itself but behind the trees and up the hillside were more temple-type buildings.

World Expanding – 17th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Stealing away at sunset
To the corner of the block
Distant twinkling on the horizon
There lies a future to unlock

Reaching out to infinity
If only with open eyes
Beyond the grip of safety
A world full of surprise

Removing the lines drawn
To travel the streets alone
Comfortable in the welcome
Arms returning home

And slowly, steps are growing
The night reveals the joy
For the wanderer, the movie
Of boy meets girl meets boy

Next the flight over oceans
To a scary place indeed
Where next to expand the mind?
Wherever it is, Godspeed

Inspired by this post by Makenna Karas

5th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

I’d set my alarm later than usual for 8 am but that still wasn’t enough sleep and when I finally got up an hour later I was still groggy. I did 60 jumping jacks and had a cold shower to wake up and my body feels good though my brain hasn’t quite kicked in yet. A job for coffee.

Today I’m grateful for:

The ten baht soft noodles, the twenty baht watermelon and 75 baht drinks I bought to go with dinner, a super spicy fish soup that sure woke up my face. And despite the morning coffees I never really got going today.

The best thing about today was:

That nothing really mattered too much. I got things done, chatted and prompted some students with their catch-up work etc and also this whilst feeling exhausted and lethargic. Pick it up and start again tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst I was sipping my coffee at Utopia I saw the lady from the phone store next door outside and remembered that I should get my phone screen replaced there, to give them my business. I went out and she said she could do it for me. My memory of having the protective screen replaced was that it cost about 100 baht. I was a little surprised when she said it was 250 baht. Has the price gone up that much? Did I remember wrong? Was she taking advantage? I don’t know so I thought of it as a random act of kindness that makes her happy and keeps me happy too.

Something I learned today?

I saw a BBC story about terrible things happening in North Korea. I didn’t watch the content but I’m now wondering if this is further preparation for war with China? The timing seems convenient.

What are some personality traits that I admire in others?

I was thinking that the personality traits I admire in others are not always something I feel comfortable to try and replicate. They are not always suitable for my personality today. If they are admirable then perhaps I can learn to slowly integrate them in my own way. It’s unreasonable to expect to immediately become the kind of person that another is. Also, some traits that I admire may be in people that I dislike for other traits that jar against mine. Separate the trait from the person.

Where did I embody courage?

I’ve been trying to answer this for a couple of days already but don’t feel like I’ve had to embody courage at all recently. Life has been pretty much within my stride for the last couple of years. I’ve embodied courage in my past, for example, when moving countries or going to visit new countries with little information, starting new careers and so on. I’m happy to keep exploring new possibilities but things that might require good chunks of courage are not really on my radar either because my level of fear has been defused or things are beyond my thoughts to attempt these days.

I took this picture because this nice piece of art was in Utopia. I like it.

Left To Stay – 16th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Time doesn’t have to make sense
In fact, it never will
Every now becomes a then
Forever standing still
A life amounts to nothing much
Just another day today
Gone are the years to come
There’s nothing left to stay

Today I’m feeling:

Aircon worked all night again though I changed the setting so it wasn’t freezing but I still woke up a few times and on top of being worn out, I woke up groggy, already thinking about tomorrow’s sleep-in. However, I got going with some exercise and my body feels good. Hopefully, this first coffee I’m waiting for helps keep my eyes open through my four hours between classes.

Today I’m grateful for:

My poorer students. Sometimes it is more enjoyable to watch them discover something than to watch the ones already up to speed rush to finish first. In my morning class, I was worried about how to fill the time but thankfully many students struggled with the task and we ended up finishing just five minutes early.

The best thing about today was:

I just finished playing guitar for about an hour and enjoyed making a bad racket for no one to hear. My whole day was enjoyable with tiring but fun classes filled with laughter.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I couldn’t stop myself from getting a late afternoon coffee as I was running around after school. I think it kept me going but may also keep me up tonight. I will handle it by sleeping in tomorrow if I wish.

Something I learned today?

I found out that at the end of the month is scout week again plus two days holiday too! What a life.

What is a recent accomplishment I am proud of?

That’s an interesting question. I think my accomplishments may be diminishing in grandeur these days but that is fine. I’ll bite off whatever I can gum. I’m quite proud of myself for my improving Thai skills though I’m still way off from being able to carry out a decent conversation but I was happy for my students to tell me that they appreciated that I spoke a little Thai with them and one student told me my pronunciation was the best of the foreign teachers in the school. It’s a bit of a delicate balance as the schools generally don’t want the foreign teachers speaking Thai but I’ll do whatever I can to help my students understand.

I took this picture because Tokyo is not an excitable puppy anymore but now has a chunky body with a skinny neck and a thin face. She spends her day mostly lazing around like this.

A Gift Is A Gift – 15th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Can I keep the bullet you gave me
When you shot me through the heart?
Perhaps one day it will save me
To put back together what you ripped apart

Today I’m feeling:

Got up easily but woke up tired. The aircon worked last night and I was scared to make any changes to the settings so I woke up cold a couple of times!
By the time of my last class, I was feeling a little dizzy but I made it through well enough and got home to a message from the aircon people that they would come around 5pm. Result! 
They came and checked it out and will go off to find the price of the part they think needs replacing. They said there were ants inside part of the outside fan. That wouldn’t be surprising but also possibly bullshit. Whatever, I just want working aircon!

Today I’m grateful for:

In my search for food, I bumped into Boss and Safe from Utopia at the walking market and they told me there weren’t many stalls because the university is on a break now. So that’s probably why my fried fish lady has disappeared. 
I couldn’t find anything there so popped into Lotus’s and was grateful to find a plant-based pork belly microwave meal, buy two get one free. Perfect!

The best thing about today was:

I feel as if I was too busy to have anything that stands out above everything else as the best. I’ve just replayed the day in my mind and everything was fine and dandy and I was happy indeed. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both my M1 classes were pretty chaotic with many kids sprawling themselves around on the floor like fallen Jenga puzzle pieces. It still strikes me as bizarre the differences in acceptable behaviours in schools in Thailand and England (at least from what I remember). The atmosphere in schools here is kinda nice but Im struggling to see how the kids are actually learning!

Something I learned today?

I watched two separate videos about the war in the Ukraine and both the content and the commentators were totally at odds with each other. One discussed the masses of destroyed tanks in Ukraine’s counter-offensive and the other saw Ukraine prepare to attack on Russian soil. It felt like neither side’s commenters knew about the possibility of there being other narratives and as someone who hasn’t been following too closely, it’s difficult to know what to believe. Maybe that’s the point.

How can I be kinder to myself?

I’m pretty kind to myself already. At 55 I think I’m finally over my angsty teenage phase. I’m just getting started on real adult life.

I took this picture because when a student is not concentrating and looking at their phone I will ask them to hand it over and sometimes take as many pictures as I can with it to fill up their free space and they have to go back and delete all the photos. This was one of about 50 photos I took on Tulip’s phone today. She was a good sport about it even after finding that she actually had run out of space.

Spit It Out – 14th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s a big ball of metaphors
With cherries, where I sit
Sweet and juicy popping flesh
Surrounds the poisonous pit
Dancing with death
But willing to lead
The softest smash
Reveals the seed
The greatest thing ever seen
A cigarette left unlit
Cyanide on a sunbeam
A perfectly mouthed spit

19th June 2023 – inspired by this post by Makenna Karas

Today I’m feeling:

No aircon last night again so I shoved the fan next to the open window but that stopped sometime during the night to perhaps to a power glitch which had happened a couple of times during the evening. So despite waking up hot at one point I finally got up with my alarm and felt pretty good, less achy than after the weekend, which seems to point to the fact I should exercise on the weekend too. Anyway, I’m sipping my first coffee and ready to go.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding another salad seller today at the market up at the university, which I don’t normally go up to. I was actually looking for the spicy fish seller but happy to find salad instead.

The best thing about today was:

Breezing through the day enjoying teaching, being around and talking and playing with students. I’m enjoying the challenge of keeping my students occupied and happily learning what little they can in each class. I must admit that I feel like I have little time for much else from Tuesday through to Friday.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Apart from running out of time to do more of the things I want, today was all smooth sailing. I am still waiting for Kru Jern to give me parents’ emails for one class but I hate to hassle her as I know everything admin-wise from the whole department gets dumped on her. The only way to deal with it is to wait.

Something I learned today?

I read an article about a lady that deliberately put up a ‘cat found’ poster in New York that had pictures of a possum on it and wanted to see what reaction they would get from people who called the number supplied. I learned that the New Yorkers that did respond were helpful and respectful with not even one saying anything bad about the kind of person that would mistake a possum for a cat. A tiny sliver of hope for humanity.

What is something that I find challenging but worth pursuing?

The thing I find most challenging right now is having the free time to fit in everything I want to do in a day. Exercise, learning Thai, playing guitar, communicating with students, reading books and comics, listening to music…. time runs out every day.

I took this picture because these three funny naughty students were trying to annoy me so I took their pictures and I told them I will send it to their homeroom teacher and they all screamed and sat down. For about five seconds.

No Code – 13th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I don’t want to leave here
These familiar sounds and smells
Every hour, stand up, sit down
With the tolling of the bells

The time of laughter and joy
Mixed with frustrations and tears
I want to be a kid forever
I don’t recognise these years

Freedom and future evaporate
As responsibilities reveal their load
I fail to understand how adults work
I don’t want to know the code

19th June 2023 – At 55, as a teacher, I’m finally enjoying my school years!

Today I’m feeling:

Last night the aircon in the bedroom was working again which was a relief…until! The power went out sometime while I was sleeping. I woke up hot and sticky and checked if the ELCB had tripped which it hadn’t so there was nothing to do except to try and get back to sleep which I did eventually and when I woke again, which may have been 5 minutes or 5 hours later, the power was back but the aircon stopped working! So when my alarm went off I elected to snooze it though stirred myself before it re-triggered.  I pushed through an ab workout and slowly my brain and body woke up properly.  By the time I was in class, I was set and felt good for the whole day.

Today I’m grateful for:

Breaking a guitar string that I had a single replacement for without having to open a new pack. It’s simple but I’ll take what I can get.

The best thing about today was:

The feeling of flow in the classroom. Sometimes being a teacher feels like herding cats and whilst that can be frustrating today I had the energy to run around and keep everyone focused (from time to time at least).

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Before I left school I met a few grumpy students from my last class. They were grumpy because they had been blamed for someone else’s garbage outside and had been made to clean up around the whole playground. When I got home Kru Wow had sent me a picture and message about the rubbish my students left in her classroom. Possibly the same students who had been wrongly accused outside! I apologised to Kru Wow but those kids are a very messy bunch. It’s up to me to check before they leave though.

Something I learned today?

Apparently, the forecast for this rainy season is no rain until August.  Fuuuuuu…..

What is a dream or aspiration that I have yet to pursue?

One of the main ideas of being located in Thailand was the easy access to the rest of Asia but due to covid, I’ve barely been anywhere. Still want to visit Vietnam, Korea, Cambodia, the Philippines and Indonesia as well as get back to Japan and China too.

Little Nicha (front) took this picture because she stole my phone out of my pocket while I was talking with JubJib (back). I was curious about what photos I would end up seeing and this is my favourite. Noah, JJ, Fah, me and Nicha. All good kids.

Recognition – 12th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What does your world feel like?
Is there still wonder in your eyes?
Do you recognise yourself anymore
When you hear the children’s cries?
Can you describe this moment
Even to yourself in thoughts?
Or are you too busy thinking
What may be in others’ reports?

Today I’m feeling:

Busy and positive. Even with only one class today I seemed to have little relaxed time though that’s not to say that it wasn’t enjoyable. I was at House most of the morning but filled that time with schoolwork and writing. I got back to school early and helped out a few students before class as well as getting some volleyball in with a mix of students I knew and others I didn’t. It was a lot of fun. Time ran away quickly.

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady in the next air con shop who I communicated with using translation and asked for a mechanic to come visit on Saturday if all goes well. I hope she doesn’t get scared off like the last shop.

The best thing about today was:

Watching one of my students, Goya, in Kru David’s class do really well at finding information within a text. David had been complaining about her before as her behaviour in class is not always attentive and he wasn’t convinced when I told him that she was quite clever at English. I was proud of her today.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst I was talking to Amy on video call Tangmo and Tigger were suddenly fighting on the terrace. I got them apart and Tigger ran off with Tangmo chasing and barking. They ran all the way around the teaching room and back again until Tigger got himself up a tree. I was quite impressed as I’ve never seen Tig run and climb like that before. The old fat furball still has some energy in him.
I managed to drag/chase Tangmo out and close the gate before trying to coax Tig down from the tree. Eventually, I was able to get him down with help from the step ladder and he seemed to be ok though shocked and grumpy. Amy went off upset too but I reassured her that if there were any problems I’d take him straight to the vet.
He seems ok now it’s later in the evening but I’ll continue to keep a close eye on him. That was a bit of excitement I could do without. I’ll keep the gate closed more often again now. 

Something I learned today?

Apparently, China plans to build a military base in Cuba! Well, why not? China is surrounded by US military bases.

Who has had a significant impact on my life?

My mum, for being there; my dad, for not.
Bronwyn, for helping me gain confidence and to leave England.
TLJ, for being the kick in the ass I needed at the time.
Amy, for being able to share a life without letting compromise get in our way.
These are just very quick and minor thoughts, before bed.

I took this picture because cows were on the loose. This is just outside the school cafe.

A Glass To The Gods – 11th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Never admit that the gods will win
Even if you know it true
It’s your dream you’re murdering
If such you are admitting to
Accept the contradiction
So that the greatest art is created
It’s a long line of tradition
In which the battle is clearly stated
Children born with great dreams
Eyes turn cold when they learn
Nothing is ever what it seems
And for that, the heart must yearn
The lovers and kings will dance and drink
Until they can masquerade no more
Because there comes a time to stop and think
What was all that dancing for?

inspired by this post by John Coyote

Today I’m feeling:

I slept so badly last night maybe because I had that nap that left me exhausted but also not helped by the humid air that even with the window open and the fan sucking in air did little to help. Woke up before my alarm and bumbled around before riding my pushbike to Utopia. Still not sure how I feel yet.
(Later) I managed to get going and keep going until now, late afternoon, shopping and vacuuming and just now playing guitar and reading but my body is feeling like it will enjoy sleep again. Let’s just hope it is better than last night.

Today I’m grateful for:

Haagen and Mei for getting a very drunk Amy safely home tonight. I don’t like to see Amy like that, it looks like it has gone beyond happiness and towards oblivion. I’ll never ask her to stop drinking because I know she enjoys it so much but I would like her to moderate better. As I’m not drinking these days it is difficult for me to share her feeling and I find myself frustrated. I generally don’t like hanging around people when they have had too much to drink unless I feel compelled to take care of them. Of course, I will take care of Amy and I hope that sometime she will start to feel like me in that the hangovers counter the pleasure to a negative degree.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling better than yesterday though I am wondering if I may be sick with something. Last week there were free covid test kits in the teacher’s room as many people supposedly have had it recently. Also, a couple of my students have looked sick in my classes.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I asked Art to come with me to the aircon repair shop next door to Utopia and see if he could convince them to come and fix mine. This time the lady said that the mechanic was too busy. So it seems like he’s not sick anymore. Well, too bad for them. They did mention another aircon shop and Art sent little Art out to see if they could help but he soon came back and said that they close on Sundays. I really appreciate all the help they gave me and makes me feel that I have at least some friendly local acquaintances here.
I will drop by that shop tomorrow afternoon and see if they can help me. I’d like to get it fixed before Amy comes back which we realised is only 4 weeks away now!

Something I learned today?

I watched a video of a mosh-style hardcore band (Speed) touring South East Asia and it reminded me of the documentary I took part in about ten years ago. Watching the reactions of the band members to the quirks of South East Asian life and the enthusiasm took me back to my own experiences and made me miss Kimi and the thought that I will find it hard to travel there again without him being around. Writing this also reminded me to contact Asikin, Kimi’s widow, which I just did.

How can I improve this moment?

Damn, I’m in bed, about to do some Thai study and a bit of reading before sleeping. The aircon seems to be working again (fan only) and I’m prepared for a good sleep. This moment may only be improved by actually being asleep.
I will try to improve with some positive reflections to take into my dreams.

I took this picture because a couple of these mushrooms suddenly appeared overnight. No idea if they are edible and I’m not going to try.