Month: July 2023

Sanctioned – 11th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

No bombs dropped 
No drones deployed
Bloodletting stopped
Society destroyed
A silent terror
Stalks night and day
Without error
Slowly eating away
Bloodless coups
To change regimes
No power to choose
Economic dreams
For years to suffer
To wither and die
Each breath tougher
A silent cry
A subjugated state
Media silence
Returns tenfold hate
Brewing violence
Order dies alone
Then the lies reveal
The war comes home 
Melting beams of steel
All the machinations
The manipulators
Warred with nations
Hate generators

Today I’m feeling:

The morning went fine as I had no class and the kids in the playground were all chatty and playful so I felt pretty good hanging out at House drinking coffee. I went back early to get some paper ready for my first class to make origami hearts and that went well and everyone had a good time. For my last class, I prepared a nice little Quizizz lesson about Japan in preparation for Friday’s Japan theme. Sadly things didn’t go well. Twenty minutes into the class and about 12 students hadn’t arrived so I marked them absent. I sent a message to their homeroom teacher who said that six students were helping her. Well, thanks for letting me know. When other students finally arrived I told them that they were marked absent and could leave if they wanted. Some did. Fuck them.

From here the students that were there were already rowdy and got more so as the lesson went on. They were mostly spread out all over the floor, rolling around and playing. I kept my cool as long as I could and we got to the final question of the quiz where the students had to write two things that they learned. When they just started writing nonsense I blew it. They had already been crying to leave early so I made them wait until the actual end time and told them they would have to do the whole quiz again within the next 24 hours and answer the question properly.

I left school bewildered and pissed off. Even the younger kids are more together than this class. And why do I let it bother me? Like I said above  ‘fuck them’ but really I can’t help myself. I want to try to make it better. So I have to find a different way. I’ll think about it more this week.

Today I’m grateful for:

The one or two students in that class who were paying attention and trying their best. I’m glad to see that some of them have some awareness about what is going on around them though they feel just as helpless as me.

The best thing about today was:

My first class making origami hearts was a lot of fun. I told them that they could write inside who they wanted to give their heart to and that caused a lot of frivolity. As they finished making them I handed back ever smaller pieces of paper to see how small they could go. They all accepted the challenge eagerly.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

While I was drinking my morning coffees Amy messaged me that her cousin (?) Boom had died. He had gotten sick after exposing himself somehow to some strong insecticide which started eating away at his legs. He was given medicine to help but apparently decided taking multiple doses would cure him quicker but sadly it fucked up his internal organs until they gave out. I’m not sure this is the full story but the sad thing is that it is possible he could have survived if he had money to pay for ICU for longer. Unfortunately, he had a bad habit of being spoiled by his family and had frittered away everything that they ever had. I don’t think people deserve this fate but some people certainly don’t do anything to help themselves.

In the back of my mind this afternoon, whilst struggling with my class, was having to go to the temple, possibly this evening but thankfully I don’t. I’m still feeling tense and annoyed. It looks like I will be able to go on Friday late morning as it is nearby. That’s better than having to go after the work day.

Something I learned today?

I read and learned a lot this morning but now my mind is full of saltiness. I look forward to waking up more positive tomorrow.

What does it mean to be wise?

This morning I heard a great line from Gino Jevdevic from Kultur Shock. It went along the lines of, to be old and wise you must be first young and stupid. I guess that’s no guarantee but perhaps feels like a requirement. So people seem to be wise already in their youth. Something innate for a special few though no doubt they themselves may not see it that way.

To be wise? To understand oneself, to understand the world as best as you can and for that understanding to bring contentment.

When was the last time I showed perseverance?

I think I show this quite often. For example, I will persevere with this annoying class of mine even when my thoughts are of just giving up on them. I will try to find a way to make it work for them and for me. 

I’m persevering with guitar playing despite very slow progress, same with learning Thai. I have kept going with tenzenmen for 20 years already through various ups and downs. 

I’ve persevered with writing here on this app too, almost a year now, so this sentence is an example of the last time I showed perseverance,

I took this picture because the sun was playing crazy with the tops of the clouds and this storm that threatened blew away somewhere else.

Blesses These – 10th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Princesses, such sweet peas
No stresses, eager to please
Impresses, hungry honey bees
Caresses, eyes of hes and shes

These princesses turned a lot of heads of their fellow students as they dressed up. It’s one of the arguments for having school uniforms instead of letting the kids dress how they would like.

Today I’m feeling:

Good so far, probably because I went through my usual work morning routine. Drove to work, clocked in and came back already as I have no classes today. It’s 8.15 and I’m here sitting in Utopia. Can I keep up this positive feeling? I have a couple of tasks to complete, cleaning and visa application forms, which I put off over the weekend. I know I’m going to have to force myself to do them. Do it you lazy prick!

(Later): I did it.

Today I’m grateful for:

The little pieces of gym equipment I have. I use some stretching bands with handles to do a little leg, neck and shoulder routine some days and I recently bought some rings which I can hang from and which I hope that one day I may even be able to do a pull-up. Just one. That would be enough for me.

The best thing about today was:

Trying to learn to play Bolero on guitar. I can play each part correctly after a few attempts but can’t nail it all the way through yet. I like it to play though – it has a good feel to it. In the app I use it is a level 7 song, a little above where I’m currently at. 
Yesterday I also managed to scrape through a level 11 rendition of the metal version of Asturias. That’s a fun song to play but level 11 is way out of my league. I can’t hit the strings that fast.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It is slightly annoying that I still have to go to school and sign in even if I have no class but at the same time, I’m glad I did because going through that morning routine has kept my energy boosted throughout the day.
I really should organise myself to have things to do on the weekend otherwise my lethargy takes over.
Amy is back on Friday for about three weeks and I’m sure she will keep me busy somehow or other!

Something I learned today?

It’s a new year of freshers at the university and the first day sees clean bright white shirts and pressed skirts. Weirdly I didn’t notice many boys as I was walking around the market. Do they start on different days to the girls?

How does the weather impact my mood and daily activities?

Everything impacts my mood. I noticed today that I felt disappointed that the kids weren’t very chatty and playful. I wonder if I depend on them too much to spur on my own happiness. It was only a brief thought but even those small thoughts impact my mood.
As I was driving back I could see the soft wispy clouds on the peaks and in the valleys of the mountains. It was beautiful and inspiring despite the general grey of the skies. It reminded me a little of the Lake District. It’s weird to feel down in Thailand when the skies are grey. I think it’s a trigger to my memories of England. Even when it is grey here the temperature is still high. It’s almost the opposite here in that the heat and humidity are so over the top and oppressive. That becomes annoying when you feel as if there is no escape.

I took this picture because big dumb Tangmo comes for rubs but smells so bad I rub him with my feet.

Echo Chamber – 9th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The walls may be far away
But as words reverberate uninterrupted
The room collapses around my ears
Til their meaning becomes corrupted

Today I’m feeling:

I didn’t know how I felt this morning but by the afternoon I didn’t feel good. I feel sick without having any symptoms. I have low energy and motivation which seems to be a theme on weekends. I know I’m a little down after thinking about how Amy may not settle down here again but I feel like there’s something else going on. Dodgy guts aren’t helping things either.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the people who make things happen in order for me to order cat food from my phone and have it delivered to my house a couple of days later. As I was unpacking it I consider what a technological marvel this is that those born this century will take for granted. The global supply chain should be celebrated and not used for political machinations. It’s a great example of humans working together. It reminds me of the Bill Hicks line, if we can shoot rockets from far away and have them fly into specific windows to kill supposed terrorists, why can’t we use that technology to shoot food into hungry people’s mouths? Indeed.

The best thing about today was:

Unmotivated days like today don’t provide any high points but I did get a little satisfaction from pulling out weeds around the cactuses. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

One thing that may be affecting my mood is that last night as I was contemplating going to bed I saw a transaction come through for 4000 baht which was for my podcast hosting that I had planned to cancel by sending myself a reminder last month. The reminder didn’t work. I cancelled the account immediately but don’t get refunded anything. An expensive lesson. At least it didn’t happen at the end of the last month and fuck up my bank account for my visa. So I’m trying to spin it as a good thing though it’s not quite working I must admit.

Something I learned today?

I just went out to shut the gate and could see the shadow of a cat under the car so went to see who it was. It wasn’t our boys because they were both inside eating. As I bent down to look underneath I saw it climb up into the engine area and disappear! I always thought the engine was completely shielded from the ground but apparently not. I went inside to get the torch and key. I couldn’t see any obvious animal-looking thing inside and I started the engine to scare it out though maybe it had already decided to dash off before that. I wonder if it was the cat I saw this morning and if I had actually brought it home from somewhere! Seems unlikely but I hope my car doesn’t become an unsuspecting cat taxi.

What’s unique about where I live?

The unique thing about where I live is me.  I’m the odd one out. This is quiet jungle village life in a non-English-speaking tropical country and there’s a wild-haired white-skinned punk here. This nail has not been hammered down yet.

I took this picture because I had just let Tigger out the back door and remembered that Tangmo might still be at the front door so I went to check and found this visitor instead. She ran away in Tigger’s direction which wasn’t the wisest choice but she soon figured out an escape. She looked healthy and had beautiful swirling colour whilst slinking away. Never seen her before.

Plan 75 – 8th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Self-conscious annihilation is the only freedom
Everything else is a self-generated illusion
Does consensus happiness increase with your end?
Willing and able to come to this conclusion

Based on the idea to make legal the choice of euthanasia at age 75.

Today I’m feeling:

Exhausted again. What is it with Saturdays? Last night I was up til 1am and I think it was purely because I did my two hours of work in the afternoon when I might normally have had a nap on a fully free day. So my energy levels were up. This morning I ignored my alarm and the cats until Amy woke me up calling from Chatswood. My brain wasn’t functioning but after she hung up I decided I should get up. A couple of coffees had the desired effect and made me feel so good that I had a third along with some free coconut ice cream. All was good until about 3 pm and I couldn’t fight my aching eyes. Waking up again a couple of hours later and I still can’t seem to get going. My left eye is still aching and is pushing me closer to actually going to the optometrist tomorrow as I’m starting to feel more concerned about it.

Today I’m grateful for:

Twenty minutes of evening rain. It’s not much but almost every day for a week it has looked like rain was coming and it just disappeared again leaving the days humid and the nights stinky hot. The temperature is reasonable again and the sun is gone so hopefully it will stay cool until tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

Definitely, the buzz I got from my coffees this morning. I really hope that whatever the issue is with my eye that I’m not told to stop drinking coffee! I know I could do it but damn I enjoy coffee so much sometimes. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy’s friend Paew, who had recently moved back to Chiang Rai from Bangkok has found that things here are not going so well for her and her husband and will move back. That’s a shame as having her around may have made Amy more comfortable when she’s back in October. Now I’m starting to feel that Amy will not be settled here at all. Ever. I will be disappointed about this but won’t stop her from making whatever choices she wishes. At some point, I will have to go with her to whatever our next decision dictates but my disappointment will be centred around the fact that I have found relative contentment here, especially with my job as a teacher. I could teach elsewhere but I know it would involve far more work and stress than I currently have. Whatever the next thing may be it will be more work and stress than I have now. It’s hard to psych myself up for that.

Something I learned today?

Reports are that there have been secret talks between the US and Russia about ending the war in Ukraine. My question is why the fuck were they secret? It seems because arms dealers can’t keep making sales whilst folks become aware of possible upcoming peace.

How do I want to grow as a person?

I was just thinking, as I was reading an interview from 1997 with a lesbian punk musician, that these days I don’t feel so connected with what they’re saying. One thing is about my age and relative experience but another is also that I no longer run around in the circles of young political punks like I did 10 or 15 years ago. It’s interesting to look at the outside and into something very familiar. I appreciate the fight for something important whether I believe in it or not. 

So I was imagining talking with the musician and trying to understand more about their passion. Or alternatively, imagining someone talking to me trying to find out more about me and my beliefs.

Now, I know we can get brief glimpses into people’s beliefs and ideas through even mundane conversation but I feel that I cannot express myself eloquently enough in verbal exchange. 

When I write I can sometimes feel that certain words and sentences accurately explain my beliefs but they are intermittent and spread throughout the mess of lots of other thoughts.

To feel some growth as a person perhaps I can get some of these core thoughts into order that help me to be more eloquent.

Having said that I also consider the fact that identifying and clarifying certain beliefs could be the beginning of close-mindedness. That’s something I would like to avoid as I can still recall how my younger self could consider ‘old’ people who had become set in their ways. Perhaps it’s inevitable.

I took this picture because dawg! Dumb dawg rolling around on the grass. He’s such a cutie for a smelly dumb dog. I just wish he was cool with the cats.

Space Measurer – 7th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Born, as a city born
No random fluke
A memory made it all
Made an engine to get here
To travel through time
No spontaneous abundance
No existence without this

How does the arrow know
In which direction its time does flow?

Endless, insufficient, endless
Easy to discard, to waste
Measured up, down and sideways
Space inside a space

Today I’m feeling:

A little strange. But only because I won’t go to school until the afternoon. I’m envious of people who can wake up and do leisure activities before going to work. I’m a wake-up and work person. I like to get the difficult stuff done first and then fully relax. Right now I’m wound up and ready to go with nothing in particular to do. I’ll happily fill my time but in the back of my mind is that anticipation.

Today I’m grateful for:

A little conversation I had with my student Tonaor after school. She and another student missed my class cos she was off doing something so when I saw her I asked what they were doing. She said it was some training about dealing with depression. I was quite surprised to know that this was on the agenda at school and would like to find out more.
I also asked Tonaor if she thought she was depressed (which is something I wouldn’t have said was obvious with her) and she said sometimes and that the only time she is happy is when she is with her boyfriend. She understands that this feeling could lead to issues later in life and I’m glad she is a little self-aware though at 13 also understands she doesn’t have the skills yet. 
I like conversations like this (though it was mostly through translation), getting beyond superficial and playful talk. Some students feel very comfortable doing that with me which I take as a great compliment.

The best thing about today was:

A three-hour sleep-in with dreams about being on a bus or train. Perhaps a reminder that life is about the journey rather than the destination as I woke up before getting to the end. I was surrounded by people I knew but now can’t figure out who they were. It may have just been representations of people I was at school with or something like that.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy called whilst I was watching the football (see below) as she was just about to catch a ferry home and I would be accompanying her for the duration. Well, that’s fine, I can pause the game and carry on later. About 15 minutes in she realises she is on the wrong ferry, so to make use of the time I went out to the garden and picked some weeds whilst we were talking.
Eventually, she got back to dry land and had to dash off to the bathroom so she said she’d call back. I decided to stay out in the garden though. As the storm that was threatening got blown away, I started watering. Later Amy called back and I did accompany her home and about an hour and a half after starting our call I was able to get back to the football.
Despite leading for most of the game we lost in the last ten minutes and my superstitious mind tells me they lost because Amy interrupted my viewing of it! Of course, I know that’s ridiculous but is something that often crosses my mind. If this didn’t happen then that wouldn’t have happened. From there it goes in ever-decreasing circles. Now I’ve had this thought that also affects the outcome, and then that thought has done the same and on and on. Imagine if we could harness mind power purely for knowledge advancement rather than for ridiculousness.

Something I learned today?

The Swans game was last night and I didn’t even know. I can watch it on replay this evening – woohoo!

(not so much woohoo after watching it!)

What experiences have shaped me as a person?

Er…. all of them? My experience today, this evening, the last five minutes, are all accumulating second by second. Each shaped by the one before into a big mess that forms habits and thoughts that can be identified and hopefully reshaped over time.
I watched an interesting podcast yesterday where comedian Antony Jeselnik said that he was glad he didn’t have his life worked out when he was 17. Everyone he knew who did, ended up in a boring humdrum existence. He said if you’re happy and have everything figured out in your fifties then you can be certain you’ve lived a good life. I kinda feel like that’s me though I’m still uncertain if I have anything figured out. 
So when I see how my students are at school, having fun, playing and generally behaving like children, which is exactly what they are, I guess they will figure things out in their own time too. Who’s to say one form of education is better than another when it comes to the specific realities for these kid’s lives? Being top of the class doesn’t necessarily bring happiness.

I took these pictures because Amy messaged me if I was at school and I sent her these. Is this a school? Every day is playtime for them. They did the work I asked of them though what I ask of them each week diminishes more and more! It’s 2.30 Friday afternoon and the roof fans are just stirring up the hot air that saunters in from outside. It’s relentless and difficult to avoid, sapping energy quicker than a 5-cent battery. I’m fascinated to know where my students might end up in the future.

With Open Arms – 6th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The immigrant children complain of immigration
They think they own the land
Never taught their history, or easily forgotten
They offer no helping hand

The suburbs are full of lawnmowers and cars
This happy life must not be disturbed
New arrivals collect glasses in the downtown bars
Where lines of demarcation become blurred

A drink to our new friends here to find a way
To live a long-forgotten dream once told
To all who struggled in an effort to stay
To seek the world their movies sold

20th Nov 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – downtown

Today I’m feeling:

I had to talk myself into exercising this morning but I pushed through with my mini ab workout. I’m glad I did because it got me awake and settled into a reasonable mood. I know I’m tired but also not craving rest. My left eye is aching still and whilst meditating this morning wondered if I’d had a stroke. I looked in the mirror and there were no obvious changes to my face. I should perhaps go to the local optometrist and get them to have a closer look inside.

Today I’m grateful for:

Our crazy school schedule that means I only have one class tomorrow afternoon at 2.30 so I’ve made the decision to sleep in and not sign in tomorrow and head to school around 1.30. Great!

The best thing about today was:

Watching some reluctant students stand up and speak in English and overcome some of their fears and hesitations. I made sure to commend them after class to lift their confidence further.

Before my last class of the day, I was playing volleyball and saw some of my students heading to class that included the three ‘bad’ boys, including the porn kid from yesterday. I roped them in to come and play and we bonded a little further. Enough so that we had a comfortable lesson without incident. I was happy with that result.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Things are humming along smoothly as of now.

Something I learned today?

Some folks in the West are railing against the Taliban because they have once again made opium production illegal and reduced it by 80% just as they did before the US invaded twenty years ago, when they made it legal again. Somehow drug production is okay in other countries but not in their own. The West is doomsaying all the negative outcomes that will arise from a country’s government implementing their own law. Hmmm… Hypocritical much?

How am I different than I was a year ago?

Differences year to year feel more slight than in my youth. If there’s anything that I can really feel it’s just a general improvement in well-being and contentment. My health has also improved though I can also feel my age as more time passes.

I took this picture because this simple little plant is growing in the parking space at the back of House and as I was walking by the sunlight was hitting at an angle that made the leaf shapes jump out at me.

Sexy Halloween Dress – 5th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The house is empty, the lights are off
Yesterday’s glitter stuck to my shoes
Spending time alone in a crowded home
Are reminders there’s no time to lose

Is this now and is this our future?
The illusions around me would shatter
All those other sexy Halloween dresses
Illuminated the things that really matter

Figured it out but was unable to act
Here I am figuring it out again
Trying to rescue ice cream on a sidewalk
Is it even necessary to explain?

inspired by musings on Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Surprisingly good. My classes have been okay and I haven’t been too serious with my lazy kids. I’m doing what I can to motivate them. If they don’t catch on at least I know I’ve tried.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the preparation work that I did during the holidays so that now I can walk into class and know that there is something ready to go, even if I can’t remember exactly how it goes, it will fall into place.   I think I will run out of lessons though and have to prepare a lot more during the next holiday when I already know I will have less spare time. But I can start getting my act together sooner too.

The best thing about today was:

It being a smooth and steady, enjoyable day. Lots of points in my short-term memory without anything standing out as the best. To add one thing though that I hope will be able to bring to mind in ten years’ time perhaps….

Yesterday one of the grade 7 boys was showing off some pornographic pictures on his phone. I just happened to catch a glimpse as he was doing it. I took his phone and put it in the teacher’s room and carried on teaching. He already felt regretful, particularly as I hadn’t talked to him about it or got angry about it. When I had assigned some work and the class settled into it I asked him to come with me to the teacher’s room. The only other teacher there was Ren who I think may also seem a little intimidating and he was overhearing me ask what the pictures were and why he was so interested in showing other students. He tried making excuses but he knew it wasn’t working and as he got more uncomfortable I used translation to tell him that now is not the time for playing but for studying. I also showed him that I knew how to mark down his behaviour in the school app and deduct points that his homeroom teacher and parents can see. He went back to class with his tail between his legs and messaged me later apologising and begging me not to tell his teacher. Today his behaviour was much improved though as a typical 12-year-old, he still struggles with self-control. I hope he stays onside because he is definitely capable if he chooses.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Today was the first time that I assigned work in Quizizz to the class whilst trying to teach it step by step. Despite telling the kids not to rush ahead some of the smarter ones still did and I’m not sure quite how to go ahead with these lessons. But I’ll give it a little more time because maybe a bright idea will come out of it.

One of the technological setbacks is students not being allowed access to the microphone to record themselves speaking. I know how to fix this most times but found it almost impossible to do when the phone’s language is set to Thai!

I’ll work my way through slowly fixing this I hope!

Something I learned today?

The notoriously bad weather department of Thailand forecast drought well into 2024. It’s definitely been hot again and drier than the last two years but I’m hopeful that up here in the mountains we will be ok.

What am I looking forward to tomorrow?

I got the good news today that one of my classes tomorrow and Friday will be off doing something which makes my days much easier. I’m looking forward to that!

I took this picture on the weekend because Bruno and I came across this bullpen as we were walking around the university botanical garden. The bulls were separated from the mum and calf, the photo of which I posted before.

Idea Of Heaven – 4th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We still have to teach the Gods to be human
They should bend to our will, not us to theirs
First, we have to understand ourselves
And an idea of heaven that everyone shares

Today I’m feeling:

I didn’t sleep well but felt ok at my alarm. Two hours into the day though and I’m feeling a little low and flat. My eyes are sore again and the cloudy grey skies feel depressing.

Last night Paen (Baitoey) contacted me again feeling depressed and suicidal. I don’t know how much more I can give her. I know she doesn’t have the skills but it seems like she doesn’t want to do the hard work and is always looking for the easy way out. She needs some guidance to turn her thinking around and I’m not the best person for that.

Her struggles weigh me down too.

Today I’m grateful for:

Payment coming through today as I was just about to run out of money. It meant I could pay the gardener who came today and can also order some more cat food now too. I still have money put aside for the aircon fix and hopefully enough spare for the plumbing fixes. Not sure if there will be enough for the guttering though.

The best thing about today was:

Many interesting conversations with my students outside of class.  They usually remind me about things I went through when I was their age.

Also, Champ was back from Australia for a quick visit and he was telling me that he had to do some part-time work to be able to afford to stay there whilst studying. He’s working at a school teaching grade 5 kids. He was comparing the difference between the education systems in Oz and in Thailand and that he now has a clearer understanding of us farang teachers when we work here and get frustrated at the way things work. I’ve adapted myself now but it does feel like a little vindication.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got home I could see that the gardeners had been. I’m thankful to them for tidying up our home but also can’t help noticing what a bad job they are doing. After asking them to clear the weeds properly along the driveway last time, this time they made no attempt at all. Worse still was that they cut the avocado tree that Bruno gave me last year, cut at the trunk! It was just starting to grow well and looked like it would develop into a nice-looking young tree. Fucking careless.

Something I learned today?

The great Chinese spy balloon incident is over. The US admitted that they found no evidence of anything beyond the weather instrumentation that the Chinese told them it was. The US is in the hands of adults acting like 5-year-olds.

How did I practice kindness?

Today I sat down with Paen and listened to her grievances about her life and what help she would like me to give her. She actually didn’t say much, I did most of the talking. I challenged her a lot because I can see that she is just running away from the real issue which is her own self-esteem, insecurities and problems at home. I can see that the things she wants me to help her with are not long-term solutions. 

I have shown her a lot of kindness and tried to help her many times. I can’t fix what happens in her head but I will support her as best I can.

I also ran into Preawa during the day and she was having some kind of problem with her boyfriend who was following her around forlornly. I messaged her this evening to see if she was ok and she said she was and appreciated my concern.

I think one of the reasons that the kids like me is that the can feel my empathy towards them even as I might be berating them for being lazy. I may not be the best teacher in the world but I think I’m a pretty good human.

What do I want to focus on today?

It looks like I will have to focus some time on helping Paen to see if she can change programs back to English. I see this as a band-aid solution for her because the problems are coming from within herself. I’ll try and find her the school counsellor and also find out why she stopped taking her meds. She seemed to be doing well in the first couple of weeks of the new semester.

I took this picture at the weekend because I’m loving seeing the freshly planted rice paddies. Is this a Thai spring?

Small Town Arkansas – 3rd July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

We don’t dream, we don’t ask for much
We live next door to our best friends
There’s nothing the community doesn’t touch 
We’re twenty years behind the trends

God gave us this blessing to enjoy
And thanks must be given by our deeds
The twisted roots may often annoy
But among them are nurtured the seeds

Marrying a best friend’s brother
Swelling further our congregation
Expelling all that worships the other 
And questions their role and station

We’re white, right and pious
Our satisfaction is easily met
Nothing evil will get by us
In God’s way, we’ve all been set

inspired after reading an interview with The Gossip in Punk Planet magazine
20th Nov 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Nurturing

Today I’m feeling:

A little bit more upbeat than yesterday, thankfully. I feel like I’m going to succumb to an afternoon nap right now though (at 1 p.m.). 
(Later) Somehow I managed to stay awake and I’m pretty happy about that. I should sleep okay tonight.
I feel a little lazy and uninspired but also very comfortable in my lovely home.

Today I’m grateful for:

The salad seller at the market. I bought two, one with 3 small prawns and another with avocado. I mixed them both up along with sesame seeds and a packet of English Cheddar chips that I’d bought a stack of from Makro. Stirred through with two blasts of creamy salad dressing that made for a fine-filling fancy.

The best thing about today was:

Getting back into the guitar lessons on my app. Since I bought premium access more than a year ago it allowed me to play any song on the app which I’d been doing. I figured I was pretty much stuck on the lessons too but I have steadily improved enough to give them a good go. Slowly slowly.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both our bathroom sinks are leaking again and I was hoping Amy’s mum’s plumber could come and sort them out but they advised me to figure out all the different things that needed doing in the house so he could come and do it all in one go rather than back and forth, which makes sense but also means no one will come until Amy is back and has checked everything that she wants done.

In the meantime, I took apart and cleaned all the pipes under my sink and shoved it all back tightly together but it needs proper sealing at the wall.

Something I learned today?

Messaging Aing today to see if she could come up from Bangkok to visit later this month she told me of her struggles since she has been back there. All her hopes and dreams have been shattered through no real fault of her own though she probably realises that she would have been better off saying no to certain things at some point. She wants to come back to Chiang Rai and I hope she can find a way in the future.

What have I been savouring lately?

Mostly writing and updating this blog. Every old entry I add feels like a ticking off of a box of the longest-ever to-do list. I’m adding diary and poetry entries from 1984 and it’s triggering lots of things. Currently, there is also a big gap of entries from around 1997 until 2004 which doesn’t have much written down but sure played a big part in my life. A time when I was living and loving with a lot less thinking.

I took this picture because for a while I couldn’t find Tigger. Sometime during the afternoon I went to sit at my computer and found his fat butt poking from behind the screen. I’ve never seen him up here before. What are you doing fat cat?

Aspirations – 2nd July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We invented the Joneses
Something to aspire
Keep on the treadmill
Tweaking on desire

Bold, beautiful and rich
A mansion in the hills
Chasing after a life
Defined by constant thrills

Today I’m feeling:

Yesterday I felt like I was on a bit of a high but today feels the opposite. I can’t quite figure out why. I slept well enough but perhaps not long enough as I ended up back in a deep sleep from 11:30 until 2 pm. Since then I’ve not been enthused about anything and passed an hour or so pulling up weeds.

Today I’m grateful for:

Noey’s coffee. Now she is capable of making a perfect cappuccino for me. I like to think that I contributed to her improvement by always allowing her to make my coffee so that she can get more practice, though in reality there is obviously more to it than that.

The best thing about today was:

It’s almost 6pm and there is nothing of any real highlight except for Noey showing off her belly button with the clothes she was wearing. Or the satisfaction of a square metre of the garden weed free for a week or two. It’s not been a bad day either. Just not much of anything.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve been getting an aching pain in my eyes. Also a vague toothache around my jaw. Maybe I’ve got some sinus problem or perhaps even just a bad tooth that is causing pain elsewhere in my face. It could also just be looking at too many screens. I should probably go get my eyes tested at some point again. I don’t feel like my vision has gotten worse but a new pair of glasses might help. 

When I look at my glasses I always see a speck on the left lens from when they dropped on the floor in Kimi’s bathroom not long after I first got them. 

Something I learned today?

Watching Little Chinese Everywhere as she(Yan?) travels to Tibet and the second-highest hotel in the world. The highest being in Peru. The scenery in Tibet is quite amazing.

What is a fear that I would like to overcome?

I suppose I still have plenty of fears but not sure I feel the need to overcome them. For example, my fear of spiders is not particularly life-threatening or would be life-changing if I overcame it.

I was chatting with Ellen yesterday and she had just been tandem skydiving in Sichuan province. I’ve thought about doing that before but feel afraid. The fear is not of the height or hitting the ground, the fear is about losing control, fearing fainting or heart attack or something like that.

Still though, it’s not like a fear of skydiving is holding back my dreams in any way.

I took this picture yesterday because I’ve never been on this side of the dam at the university before. The whole university grounds environment is exceptional but doesn’t seem to get much use. It’s too hot or wet most of the time and you need a motorbike to get around. The only thought I did have is that there are many places you could go for a romantic walk, talk or view. I don’t know how much of that happens here though.