The golden age has been and gone We danced those glorious times away Left exhausted after the final song The fat lady now has nothing to say
Revival is just a nostalgic fail That feeling cannot be repeated At least alive to tell the tale Yet feeling sad and defeated
Today I’m feeling:
A little tired and unmotivated for most of the day. A good reading day. I feel like I might be able to force myself to do a little workout after talking with Amy and before eating something.
Today I’m grateful for:
The tool (name unknown to me) that was lying around the garden (used previously to try to break down the termite mound in the front corner of the garden) which I used to dig out the tough grass that the gardeners were too lazy to get out from in between the bricks outside the kitchen. The temperature around 5 p.m. is nice now so I’ll try and do a little in the garden. This ended up replacing my exercise for the day.
The best thing about today was:
Reading Clive James’ biography about his childhood in Sydney. He lived in Kogarah which is just a suburb away from my first Sydney home in Allawah. Although I only recognise a few of the places he talks about I can get a feel from my own memories of the area.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My motivation was lacking today and whilst I did a few things I hardly feel like I accomplished anything. I suppose I don’t need to feel like I accomplished things but I often feel like there are lots of things I could enjoy doing but can’t push myself to get up and go.
Something I learned today?
The city of Birmingham in the UK has declared bankruptcy. Things don’t seem too great there at the moment.
What are the most important moments in my life?
Boiled down to basics this would be moving countries and meeting the girls that I would spend my life with, for better or worse.
My old friend Fatty would often criticise me for changing my behaviour when I had a partner and from his perspective, I’m sure there’s some truth to that. I guess because of my father dying I felt my life was missing something and subconsciously knowing that one day my mum wouldn’t be there anymore, I held on closely to my girlfriends.
In my mind, I can kind of divide up my life into who I was with at the time. These people are obviously important to me.
I found this picture online because I was chatting with Baipad about pets and she said she liked border collies. Smart dogs. I still pine to have more animals but not knowing what the future holds makes it difficult.
Oil pours from the heart Thick, sad and grey Even the falling tears Cannot wash it away Struggling with movement This unreal ache inside Consumes all thoughts As if one had died
Life continues blurred A no-prescription fix Life left without magic A wall without bricks Cogs no longer turning Rusted brown from salt Stuck in reverse But nobody’s fault
Today I’m feeling:
Still a little run-down. I had some tension in my legs that stopped me from sleeping much beyond my alarm and eventually pulled myself out of bed. The gardeners are coming today and I was expecting them to wake me up but no sign yet. I contemplated some exercise but flaked out. Ugh.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to watch the AFL again this season. This elimination final has got me tense and stressed and it’s the end for Sydney and the rest of the day will feel a little flat unless I find something to do to pick myself up. Fark it!
I’m also grateful to the Swans for their determination to make the finals this year against the odds. They are not a premiership-looking team at the moment though to be fair they weren’t in 2012 either when they beat Hawthorn. Let’s wait for next summer.
The best thing about today was:
Receiving a nice message from my student Namkhing (see yesterday) for helping her improve her English. It made me feel appreciated.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The gardeners still hadn’t come by 1 pm so I went out to grab some lunch and go shopping and when I got back three hours later they were just leaving. As I wasn’t here I couldn’t tell them not to cut Kim’s patch but at least they left the tub that is placed over her plant. The things growing there will recover pretty quickly anyway so not too bad. Elsewhere I can see everything is pretty badly done if you look closely. Really no attention to detail. I was curious if the little papaya would get destroyed and sure enough, it did. I don’t want to tell Amy how unsatisfied I am with their work as it will just make her upset and angry and give her more ammunition to complain about her undeveloped third-world country. I think that will just get me down so I’ll just dwell on the fact that at least the grass looks better.
Something I learned today?
There are an estimated 8.7 million species on earth and more than 80% of them are undiscovered. (factanimal.com)
What am I most excited about for the future?
I should be more excited about going to Australia and I probably will feel it more once I land. The familiarity of Sydney will make for a strange feeling as this will be the first time to take a holiday in this city. Most holidays I had when I was there involved going to someplace else.
As I was writing this Amy video-called and I could see the familiar deep blue sky behind her. I could sense the smells, sounds and feeling of being there. Whilst I miss that now, I know that familiarity breeds contempt or more just complacency and taking things for granted. Maybe I’m even taking things for granted here now too as I’m less awed by the fact that I am here in Thailand.
Beyond that, I’m not particularly excited about anything specifically. I’m either flat or satisfied with where I’m at right now and I prefer to think I’m the latter.
I took this picture because this excited little pup came to greet me at the restaurant next door to Utopia. It’s grown since I last saw it but I could still squash it with my foot!
We apologise for the extended delay We’ll be with you as soon as we can Soon is not soon enough I say An hour to wait today was not my plan
Today I’m feeling:
About 80% this morning. I slept ok but could have gone for longer. I exercised well enough but can feel the tiredness through my body. I think I will sleep well again tonight.
(Later) Stressed for most of the day (see below)
Today I’m grateful for:
Hans, the guy I spoke to from the Westpac Fraud Department. He was efficient and helpful and dealt with my issue easily. What issue? (see below)
The best thing about today was:
Getting lots of things done whilst on hold on the phone waiting for Westpac to deal with my problem. What problem? (see below)
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I actually woke up before my alarm today as my phone had buzzed which means Amy had sent me a message. Everything else is set to Do Not Disturb until 8 a.m.
The message she sent was asking if I had used our bank account for anything recently, which I hadn’t. It seems someone had gotten hold of my card information and used it a couple of times before the bank, Westpac, automatically blocked it. As we have a joint account, Amy got a message saying both our cards have been suspended.
I got to school thinking more about my classes and after the first one was done went to House for coffee in preparation for calling the bank. My first try was 30 minutes of waiting without success and I asked Amy to try, knowing it was unlikely she would be able to do anything as it was my card that had been used. She waited for an hour and a half to find that out too, calling me to tell me to try again. With less than two hours until my next class, after about 40 minutes of waiting I spoke to someone in India who verified that I was who I said I was and then told me to wait whilst they put me through to the fraud department and do it was I was waiting and watch time tick away for my class to start. After about 45 more minutes, Hans answered and within about a minute, opened a case and told me the money should get returned in a couple of weeks.
I dashed back to school only five minutes late in the end and had to deal with hot sweaty impatient teenagers, one of whom got emotional and started crying. Several students skipped out too and I told their homeroom teacher that I’d marked them absent in the system.
I tried to destress myself by talking with students who were hanging out around school and the park but I have really only just managed to unwind in the late evening.
Something I learned today?
One of my new students, Jin, will change schools next semester purely because there will be no van to pick her up next semester. Kids are at the mercy of the weird system that is in place here, and at the mercy of their own economic situations.
I also found out that Namthip and Dena skipped a class yesterday and were given a final warning that they would be kicked out if they did it again. I was a bit surprised to hear that it was them, to be honest, and then to realise that Dena had skipped out of my class just then too!
What song always puts me in a good mood?
An interesting question. I don’t often listen to music to put myself in a good mood and the music that makes me happy is not really that uplifting. Having said that I have about 100 songs I can play rhythm guitar along with these days and I always enjoy the Volcano Suns songs the most and save them til last. Impossible to pick just one though.
I took these pictures (Namkhing sneakily taking one when I wasn’t looking) because despite the stressful day some of us were having there was still a lot of fun and laughter. Top to bottom, left to right; Namkhing, Pleng, Aoey, Pang, Khaofang and Husna (who had suddenly come to life after complaining of feeling sick when there was work to be done). Why all girls? All the boys just sit and stare at their phones all day and barely interact with each other, let alone with me.
Where did your confidence go? Now is the time that matters When the body began to grow Your self-belief just shatters
Open for manipulations And unable to see your abuse Dealing with the situations When you think that you’re no use
Ahead lies a trail of tears Never knowing where it’s going Unless you overcome these fears That are stopping you from growing
inspired by a struggling student whose name may translate to something like ‘blade’ or ‘propeller’
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and stuffed up. Last night I was getting a sore throat but that seems ok today. Now it seems to have moved into my head. I didn’t sleep well and when my alarm went off I sent a message to my students that I wouldn’t be at school and went back to an extra 3 hours of bad sleep. My body is aching from all the exercising I’ve been doing too, maybe pushing too hard (but the results in the mirror are inspiring). I’m grateful for a day off and time to go and check the dental clinic at the hospital.
Today I’m grateful for:
To meet the little pregnant cat at the shop next door to Utopia that was sitting quietly on the mat and either contemplating life or watching the traffic. It’s about 60% white but then the rest is a complete jumble of every other cat colour you ever saw. A quarter of her head looks like Tigger and elsewhere are small patches of Kim-ginger. What a family tree this kitty must have and due to soon add further to the sad abundance of cats looking for homes.
The best thing about today was:
Doing very little. The chocolate protein milk I drank was nice and, pulling out some weeds, being about as much exercise as I got today, felt satisfying. Nothing over the top as a stand-out highlight and despite being tired, dizzy and lazy, the day was enjoyable enough.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Last night before going to sleep I told myself that despite having a sore throat and feeling tired I would get up with my alarm and exercise and if I still felt bad I would go back to bed. In the back of my mind I knew that there was little chance of me getting up and doing this and that is indeed what happened. I don’t yet have the thought control to overcome the easy way out though also feel I should respect what my body is telling me. It is tired for a reason and not just laziness. Today I have already decided to go to school tomorrow and that means exercise in the morning. As my mind is already anticipating being at school this is more likely to happen.
Something I learned today?
It is Nong Fah’s birthday today. Happy 14th birthday to a smart kid. I only knew from her Facebook post wishing herself a happy birthday. Kids seem to do that a lot. They maybe don’t set their profile up with a birthday or with the correct date but then when it comes around they want people to know and to soak in some best wishes.
What work do I enjoy doing?
At one point or another, I’ve enjoyed all the different types of work I’ve done. The work isn’t usually an issue, it’s the systems, people and chasing of profit that make it difficult, uninspiring and frustrating.
In some ways, I’m jealous of those who have utilised their creativity to be able to work at things they love and be able to earn enough money (or be satisfied with their struggle) to survive. In other ways, I’ve been happy to keep the money-making separate from the things I love to do.
At this moment in time, there has been some convergence between the two as I’m very satisfied with the work I’m doing (teaching) and getting financially rewarded enough.
Quote: It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see. – Henry David Thoreau
I’ve looking at this quote for many days not being sure what to write but Fah’s birthday has provided me with the inspiration. You can see from the picture that she is a pretty girl but she is not a standout amongst the crowds in the school or even in her class. What attracts me to her is her personality, smarts and common sense. It’s not about maturity as such, as she still acts in common with most 13/14-year-olds. To look at her is one thing, what I see is another.
What I see when I look at my wife is our history of 15 years and everything that that means to me. The good times, the tough times, the fun and funny times. Travels, experiences, companionship, love.
When I look at attractive young ladies I’m only looking at a picture, I don’t ‘see’ anything beyond that. When I look at Amy I ‘see’ her completely. On the outside, we are no longer the handsome or beautiful people we met but have travelled together beyond the superficial. Whatever the future holds it won’t be spoiled by anything that could merely be considered a picture.
I took this picture of the birthday girl from one of her online videos. I’ll send it to her again in ten years’ time (if we are still in touch) and we can reminisce about the days we are having now. Students for life.
A fish for today A problem gone away Tomorrow, will you be so kind? A gift quite odd Here’s a fishing rod And you may eat all the fish you find
Today I’m feeling:
Ready for the day. I had a bit of a bad dream when my alarm went off. A weird story of Nong May and I walking across a street and she bumped into a guy and they both fell over. I was concerned for both of them and we ended up catching a scary bus to get to a doctor and insurance place. Everything around was getting darker and more ominous. I could’ve slept a lot longer but I was quite glad to get out of this dream.
Today I’m grateful for:
Not having caught everyone’s colds and flu so far. Many students are sick, coughing and sneezing in class. Sooner or later I will get sick for sure but so far so good. I can feel my throat is dry and itchy just when I’m writing this!
The best thing about today was:
Feeling like my Thai language learning is improving just by using it in class more often and trying to understand the kids when they speak Thai to me. Google Translate is much better than it was a couple of years ago and I can imagine we get to a point where we don’t even bother to learn languages anymore and use super fast translation instead.
In my grade 10 class today I asked the students how often they used messaging instead of calling and it seemed to be 80/20 favouring messaging.
Will we stop talking altogether? Once we figure out converting thoughts into text maybe our mouths will only be used for eating.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Yesterday I was thinking about doing a particular exercise (running dictation) with a couple of my one-hour classes but then remembered that in previous years it had taken much longer, so I quickly switched them around to be in our two-hour classes, one of which was today.
I was then shocked to find them finished within the hour and us having time to spare. I stretched things out before letting them do other work or free time.
Everyone enjoyed the class, though they got hot with the running and as I had anticipated the lazier students soon got distracted but in the end, things turned out ok. I do the same exercise with another class tomorrow.
Something I learned today?
There are rumours that the terrible fires in Hawaii, which locals are saying may have killed a couple of thousand people, may have been deliberately started or at least had a deliberately delayed response as investors were looking to get the area cleared out to build a new ‘city’. Save time and money by letting everything burn!
The locals are still struggling to receive help or even information. It sure looks like a horrible situation and is close to a modern genocide if these people are to be believed.
What random memory comes to mind right now?
This is a difficult question to answer when sitting and trying to think of it. It then becomes not random. Random memories will pop up during the day but not at the time I have this question in my mind. All the things that happened today are already memories and they are already swirling around in the quagmire of my brain.
Next time an older memory does randomly appear I’ll try to remember it and come back and add it. Or more likely I will read this sometime in the future and all the text here will be the actual random memory.
What am I taking for granted?
I think I am probably taking a lot of things for granted right now, though because of that, they are difficult for me to identify. Everyday things such as water, electricity, internet, phone, computer data, and music are almost ubiquitous and easily taken for granted and would be stressful if taken away.
In some ways, I take Amy for granted but that is part of a relationship and we often remind each other in mostly humorous ways that we don’t do that.
Part of writing a gratitude entry every day is to be reminded not to take things for granted.
Miyor took this picture amongst a whole bunch of others because she was messing around with apps and filters etc. I wish the kids would put as much effort into studying English!
A cracked cup Chipped and faded Sits dusty behind antique glass A spectator to many stories Left untold
Holding congratulations aloft Cheers to that day Or sombre with lukewarm water The passing of time
The spiders came With their own tales Making a new home Hiding in wait But nothing comes All the times have died
The heat, the air The insects and the weeds A cup returns to earth Still cracked, still broken Yet still a cup
Today I’m feeling:
Strong and healthy. But also getting a little positive anxiety to start planning for next semester. It’s positive because I will use that as motivation. At the start of my exercise routine this morning I felt like I would want to fall back into bed by the end of it but I was suitably energised to get myself going. I can feel some of the exercises getting a little easier but push-ups kill me.
Today I’m grateful for:
The DuoCards app that is helping me improve my Thai learning quicker than other apps I use. I’m considering buying the subscription so that I can practice for longer. I currently use 4 free apps which are all time limited. DuoCards is a spaced repetition flashcard system similar to Anki.
The best thing about today was:
Getting a nice message from Earn after I sent her some positive reinforcement in an effort to help her combat her shyness when talking to a boy she likes. She wrote ‘i luv u t.shaun’ which comes as a big surprise as she was very rebellious and grumpy with me for a lot of the time last year.
Also today, Fah tried to sneak away from my class this afternoon and I just happened to see her and call her back and she was a little upset and impatient at the time. I messaged her later and she is smart enough to understand that she shouldn’t have done that.
When some of my students call me ‘father’ in a loving way I sometimes think that perhaps now I am suitable and knowledgeable enough to actually be a father. But that time has come and gone. It also helps that I don’t need to see ‘my children’ for more than a couple of hours at a time!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
For the second time, someone stole my cooling powder from the small teacher’s room where I keep my things at work. I have to remember to see if I can find keys for the lockers in one of the classrooms tomorrow.
Something I learned today?
In a speech directed at the USA Xi Jinping commented on their behaviour with a Chinese idiom along the lines of ‘blowing out everyone else’s light won’t give more light to you’. I liked that as it seems appropriate.
What is one good thing I can do for myself?
Keep going.
I took this screenshot because I thought I could use it from time to time to send to students when they are feeling a little down. I’ve been collecting other similar inspirational quotes for them since too. No new pictures today.
I lied to myself for a long time I always understood the truth Under the twisted thoughts of mine Born of the immaturity of youth
It’s always a struggle, always a fight To keep the evil demons at bay Complacency can be found in the light And the beasts come out to play
Finally, I sought to reject these lies Because I was slowly killing myself I broke the bonds of the feeblest ties And my mind rediscovered its health
Today I’m feeling:
Good and fairly positive. I woke up with a start as my alarm went off implying that I didn’t get enough sleep. I pushed through exercise knowing I was burning up some fat stores as I didn’t eat much at all yesterday, not feeling that hungry, and weighing in under 80kg again today. Throughout the day I was surprised at how well I was feeling and I put it down to the exercise I’ve been doing which inspired me to keep it up.
Today I’m grateful for:
The packet of Tong Garden jumbo raisin medley that I mix with a small packet of party snack mix to add some texture and flavour for a pre-dinner treat.
The best thing about today was:
Being greeted by so many different students, many of whom I didn’t even know, some talking to me about other students in my classes. Everywhere I walk around school students want to talk or at least communicate with me though they can sometimes get cheekily upset when I forget their name, though I might not have spoken to them for three months. I’m slowly starting to find where each little ‘gang’ hangs out at lunchtime so if I’m in the mood and have time I will happily wander around for an hour stopping for chats, play, and sometimes even learning.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In the morning I realised what I’d planned for my class today they had already done, so I quickly threw together a spelling test, 20 words open book and 20 words closed, along with a word search game for each. I started the class with the word search but it soon became apparent that it was really difficult and was going to take longer than expected. As I wanted to do both word searches and tests in one hour I quickly jumped online and remade the second word search easier. Even with that though we didn’t manage to get everything done. There are some poor students in the class who really struggle with spelling and a couple that didn’t write anything at all on the second one. I told them that it didn’t matter if they got everything wrong but they must at least try. One student did indeed get every word wrong but I could tell from what she’d written that she was at least listening and trying. That’s what I prefer, especially as opposed to some others who just copied from their friends.
Something I learned today?
I learned that two of my favourite students had a falling out a few weeks ago and I was a little surprised by it at first but on reflection it’s pretty normal for kids this age. I heard both their stories but couldn’t really get to the bottom of it and either way, I still love them both for who they are with me.
In the morning I had been updating blog entries from 1984 and was disparaging towards Rupert with whom I had been friends with just a week or two before and unfriendly a month or two before that. At that time I was a couple of years older than these two students today, which goes to show how immature I was at then despite hearing how mature I seemed from other people.
What do I hope to experience some day?
Sometimes I miss that feeling of excitement and discovery of new love but it’s been so long and I guess I’m somewhat jaded, just by my age, that if the situation ever arises again I doubt the feeling will be the same. Really, I prefer the feeling I have now anyway, of ongoing love, trust and satisfaction.
I’m avoiding the question.
Have I had all my experiences already? I’m barely shocked or surprised at anything these days. I’m appreciative of being appreciated or rewarded with kind words or even awards but they don’t emotionally charge me at all. I feel like I’m just doing what I do.
I guess I could do some thrill-seeking or travelling. But ultimately everything boils down to the same thing. Being in one place is much like being in another.
Okay, I hope to experience continuing happiness with my little Amy wherever we are in the world. I hope I can take my current feeling of contentment with me in whatever is next in my life.
I took this picture because this shy little cat often sleeps in the shade of my car whilst I’m drinking coffee at House. It’s too nervous for petting though.
With a hammer in hand Chiselling at the stone Crafting at the life planned In one’s thoughts alone
Painting cloudless skies To fall down to this earth Daydream a new surprise Meaning defines its worth
An artist in every way Reflecting deep-held traits When words can never say The statue silently states
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good but in some pain. I fell asleep on my back last night which was pretty unusual for me but I soon woke up needing to pee. Back to side sleeping, my shoulders ached me awake again a few times so when my alarm went off I wanted to sleep a bit more but then I was feeling pain on the left side of my jaw as my rotten teeth decided it was time to tell me to go back the dentist. With needing to pee again it was time to get up. I still managed to motivate myself with a 100 star-jumps and out to have a day of coffee, reading and ironing.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to watch a funny podcast on YouTube that made ironing 17 shirts more pleasant than normal.
The best thing about today was:
I found out Hayden has a new girlfriend called Vashti and I was surprised to hear that she is Aboriginal. I’m not sure why I find that surprising. I only ever met his first girlfriend who was a stereotypical pretty blonde-haired blue-eyed girl. He sounded very happy today and looking forward to his new job doing support work which he is hoping to start in the next week or two.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In general, the garden is out of my control or more specifically it is too big and I’m too lazy to get it under control fully. My priorities lay elsewhere. Handled by Amy asking if we needed the gardeners to come again to which I replied ‘Yes!’
Something I learned today?
Having removed a ton of YouTube subscriptions I returned to Little Chinese Everywhere and Yan’s journey from Europe to China. This time she was in a small Georgian village nestled in amongst rolling green mountains. One particular interaction stood out to me when the old lady owner brought breakfast and Yan said thank you in Georgian and the old lady gave her a hug and said thank you in Chinese. It reminded me of the goodness within most of humanity.
What mystery fascinates me?
Ultimately the mysteries of the truths of the world. Growing to be more aware of histories written by victors or manipulated by those in a position of strength I’m left contemplating what it is that I know that is true. So many lies are so often repeated these days and so much information and counter-information is available. What is it that I should believe?
Mysteries of origin, the universe, the planet, humanity. How can it not entertain the mind? The existential mystery of meaning.
The mystery of what I will eat tomorrow.
I took this picture because I found Tigger sitting here in the unkempt grass and though his colour is stark against the green in this picture he somehow blends in and would be difficult to spot for unsuspecting critters wandering by. Here he just seemed to be enjoying the sun after dinner and looking a little majesterial.
Tired but healthy. I just couldn’t make it up with my alarm and ended up with an extra couple of hours of bad sleep due to aches and pains in my shoulders from my exercise this week. But I got the washing on and have to go shopping and I’m mentally preparing for the stack of shirts to iron. I might even finish the vacuuming that I started last week but didn’t quite complete the kitchen and dining room!
Today I’m grateful for:
The Thai basil plant that Amy planted a few years ago but I was unable to keep alive since she’s been away. However, whilst pulling grass out from amongst the random cactuses we have growing I found a new Thai basil plant growing. Woohoo! I pulled the old one out and threw it over the fence and moved the new one into its place and hopefully, it will survive the move and grow as big.
The best thing about today was:
A relative feeling of accomplishment. I managed to get clothes washed and dried despite the big rain, though it did add another five shirts to the ironing pile which is something I didn’t get done today. I pulled up some grass and weeds, sorted out recycling, took it to our garage and got a haircut. Got all my shopping done too.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
It was time for my 4 or 5-month haircut (see below) as I’d been hacking at it myself recently and as I sat in the chair for the couple of minutes it takes to roll through my hair with the electric razor a big rain blew in with no end in sight. Ah well, a free shower and clothes wash for my ride home. The mountain rain is cold but the air is still warm so apart from drops stinging my face and blurring my glasses it wasn’t too uncomfortable.
Something I learned today?
By chance, I found an app called Sleepagotchi and recommended it to my sleepy struggling student. It needs a bit of setting up and perhaps a wearable device which I doubt she has but it looks like a more fun way of sleep tracking for teenagers than other apps I’ve seen. I’m trying it out to see how well it works.
What are my top three priorities for this week and why?
Finish grading my students as requested by the school. They’ve only requested to fill in 50% of the scores which is ridiculous as we have to have it all completed soon anyway. Why not just do it all? That’s what I’m doing anyway. As I’ve mentioned before grading is a farce here when no student is allowed to fail and 60% of the class must be graded 3 or more (out of four).
Pay the electricity bill, for obvious reasons. Though perhaps if someone is reading this in ten thousand years’ time and is unfamiliar with what may then be an antiquated technology, electricity is something that helps us live comfortable lives.
Get my shirts ironed. What a shit priority! Better to say; keep exercising, reading, writing, playing guitar etc. but they are all things I’m going to do anyway.
Take a view from above.
I sit in the hairdresser studying the hair across the floor. A sunburnt old man, probably younger than me is flat, laying back in the chair as the chatty hairdresser slides a cutthroat razor skilfully around his chin.
A clean tiled floor, two wooden park benches not designed for comfort for customers, and a fridge with a bag of fruit on top. Old dusty fans and faded pictures of landscapes and kings. There is so much dust on the old tape deck that it looks like it hasn’t been touched for years or would even work now.
The ubiquitous plastic chairs badly stacked next to a plastic sink in the corner, dirty from use at weddings, funerals, and dinners.
The room is full yet sparse with the rotating barber seat really the only signifier that this is a room for hairdressing.
The TV blares nonsensical (to me) words from the corner. An emotional lady talking about I don’t know what. Both the man in the chair and another old man younger than me waiting his turn are glued to the woman now tearing up but looks to me to be manufactured viewing fodder.
The little ginger cat is not sleeping here today. Where are you sleeping? Or are you chasing mice somewhere?
The stuffy air in here is filled with the hard-working old men’s sweat. Not particularly unpleasant but a positive reinforcement of satisfaction of work done. Lives worthwhile. The open windows and fan are merely feathering the hot heavy air. The stillness is reflected in everyone’s speed. There’s no hurry here.
Second in line, I’ll sit here happily waiting. I have things to do but they’ll get done when they get done.
I love the utility of this place. A room is only a hairdresser’s when there is someone cutting hair, otherwise, anything can happen here.
Am I nostalgic for poorer days, a voyeur into a past I escaped? I remember the days of make-do and mend and pulled myself sideways to avoid it. There is a sense of community in the struggle that no longer exists for those of us who found bootstraps to pull. The values of freedom and independence are a privilege that often finds us struggling still.
Remembering that the best part of the journey is what you find on the way and not what you find when you arrive pushes us onwards.
Let’s not be nostalgic, not be complacent. Let’s struggle more. Let’s revel in our simplified suffering. We are not facing life and death whilst simultaneously facing a slow life and death.
The woman on TV’s voice is quivering again and it’s my turn to get my hair cut.
I took this picture because this tells Amy exactly where I am and what I’m doing.
The old man looks like his life has been lived The stories contained in the lines on his face No more want except a smile and a seat What would you want to be asked in his place?
picture found in a newsletter but I forget which one.
Today I’m feeling:
Positive but a little tired what with it being the end of the week. I sure don’t feel like Fridays are a big day to plan going out and getting drunk anymore. Get home and read a book. What a boring old man but I don’t care. I’ll do what I enjoy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The iron and ironing board that I have located in front of the lounge to inspire me to sit and iron the thirteen clean shirts here too. I’ll watch something interesting or listen to music to make the passing of that time more entertaining. Anyway, I’m grateful to own this equipment and that both the board and iron have served us well for more than five years already.
The best thing about today was:
As I was leaving after my first class this morning I went to see David who was preparing for his class with 2/6. I didn’t make it in to see him though as different groups of kids came to talk to me. Goya appeared in front of me holding the cutest tiny kitten and I immediately grabbed it for cuddles. I couldn’t quite get to the bottom of why she had a kitten in class and I reluctantly gave it back. Still grieving for Kim and our boys getting old, both Amy and I have told ourselves, no more cats but it’s hard to think about when there are unwanted kittens everywhere all the time. Caring for cats so much has tied us down a lot though. Today Amy said that if we didn’t have cats we would be living permanently back in Australia already. I’m finding that difficult to think about as I am feeling so contented here right now.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I had planned to spend my four free hours finishing off my grading files but when I tried to log in this morning our school was no longer listed in the system for some reason. I checked with another teacher and they had the same issue. It’s not like there was nothing else I could do in the meantime so it was only a minor annoyance and when I posted a message in our teacher’s group Kru Ren advised that the name of our school had changed for some reason and when I tried again I could get in. I updated all but one class and will get that one completed over the weekend. Bend with the breeze.
Something I learned today?
Amy messaged me that the face-tattooed German guy who ran the Bavarian bar in the city is now in a Bangkok jail and due to be deported back home to face murder charges from his time in a biker gang. I was not at all surprised by this news.
What am I looking forward to this month?
The end of it! The end of this semester and then preparing to go to Australia in October. I’m a bit tired today and started to feel a little wearisome to be teaching today though it’s enjoyable once I’m in class.
Kwang took this picture because I left my phone at my desk whilst I was helping other students. She is a smart independent tomboy, currently with a lackadaisical attitude towards studying. So long as she doesn’t go off the rails she’ll be good in the future. She also has a model-like face which she likes to hide with the mask and could be a child actor, model or somesuch. In comparison, this picture is not particularly flattering of me! Still need to work off some excess rolls of fat that accumulated during my prime years in Australia.
1994ever 