Month: October 2023

Caterpillar Youth – 31st October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

Your youth breaks your heart
Trying to make someone love you
Push together and pull apart
As one returns to two

In the wake of all that came
As the stories were often repeated
It’s easy to lay the blame
At the child so easily defeated

Dazzling colours hide the truth
That a butterfly is waiting
To leave behind its caterpillar youth
To a life of constant recreating

Inspired by words and parts of this post at Spinning Visions
Submitted to dVerse ‘young and green’

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and relaxed. The calm before the storm. Back in the classroom tomorrow. Looking forward to it.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the folks who have been diligently working on putting together the Jornada Del Muerta 12” over in Turkey. I can see it has been difficult for them to organise and all I’ve had to do is just send money when necessary. Hopefully, the packages turn up safely though I don’t expect to have anything for Friday which is the release date.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a haircut. My winter cut. The Lady was very busy today as the locals were all bringing their kids in, as many go back to school tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy and I went up to the book fair at the University this afternoon. Before we left I’m sure I heard her say it was at the library so when we arrived nearby I headed off in that direction. When we got there there was nothing on and Amy asked me why I came to the library!

She was annoyed with me but at the same time didn’t know where the fair was either. We got pointed in the right direction and as Amy grumpily walked back I was happily enjoying the perfect temperature and the beautiful smell of evening flowers in the air. It was good to be able to walk anyway.

Something I learned today?

Leaked documents show that Israel deliberately shot its own people when Hamas attacked them on October 7th, blaming Hamas for all the deaths. Just to justify the genocide they are now carrying out in what is left of Palestine. Other documents show plans to remove all Palestinians from Gaza and into Egypt.

I took this picture because MFU sure is photogenic at this time.

Ghost In Place – 30th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Bursting in without knocking
A mountain of memories returned
Those days of confusion were shocking
And a heart left badly burned

Mentally reset by counting to ten
Big brother came to soften the blow
Remembering what year it is again
And closing that door, just so

Inspired by this story at Spinning Visions
14th Dec 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Ghost

Today I’m feeling:

Positive but a little tired and soft-sighted. Exercise was tough again but easier than yesterday. Still only doing one set for this week. Hope to get back to two next week.

Today I’m grateful for:

Seeing all my happy students again, giving me hugs, telling me they missed me, asking for candy! But most of all to Aunwar who brought me a piece of cake for my birthday! A typical, kind, Muslim gift. If only he was good in class! Haha! He’ll get there.

The best thing about today was:

Still being able to duck out after the morning flag-raising ceremony and sit in the cafe for a couple of hours before hanging out with the kids again at lunchtime, distributing the knick-knack gifts that I brought back from Australia and then heading home around 1pm. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Originally we were told that we had a whole week of activities but today I found out that we start our scheduled classes on Wednesday. Not particularly bothered by this and I know that everything changes all the time now and can better cope with these annoyances.

Something I learned today?

A Chinese airline passenger threw coins into the engine when they were boarding. It’s happened more than once and each time they all said they did it for luck and a safe flight!

What is my favourite memory from the past month?

Being in Sydney again and catching up with friends and family. The blue skies, green trees and purple jacarandas; old familiar smells, sights and sounds. 

One particular brief moment stands out and that was walking over the new park at the end of Barangaroo, along the piers of the Rocks, under the bridge and around to the Quay. 

Throughout my travels around the city were constant reminders of events past, who lived where, warehouses, houses and venues for shows. 

My life, guided by the dull dreary boredom-brown of England, then expanded by the city and country relaxed-excitement of Australia and contemplated here in hot-humid jungle-country Thailand. It’s hard not to be happy.

What am I learning about life right now?

I’m in the middle of a ten-day mini-meditation Stoicism course and whilst it covers many things I have learned already I need to keep reinforcing these things and keep them in mind and transfer them to practice.

I’m also learning that I don’t have enough time for everything and need to prioritise some things. I can easily fill my days. Every day.

I took this picture because the full moon with Mars (?) nearby was the view this wonderful temperate evening where I breathed deep the relatively fresh air. Perfect.

Top Left Brick – 29th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Couldn’t see the wood for the trees
And couldn’t see the trees for the wood
Just like counting to ten in threes
Somehow it can never be made good
But it will come and never stop
Start at the left brick at the top

Today I’m feeling:

A mix between lively and tired. I forced my way through exercise this morning and it was a struggle. I need to get up a little earlier now to be able to get everything done and get to school on time too. This first week will be a little rough I’m sure.

Today I’m grateful for:

The Twinkl website for offering 24 hours of free lessons and plan downloads. I didn’t overdo it preferring just to stick with one topic about bullying. There was lots there and I’ll still have to look through it all and make it work for my kids. I’m slowly getting my head into gear again.

The best thing about today was:

The fried egg that Amy cooked for me for lunch, topping off fried rice with fish sausage. Something about that egg though… it had some zing from somewhere!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The kids came from next door again as I was working and stood outside my room until I came out. They asked me if I was going to water the garden again because they wanted me to chase them with the hose and get wet and cool down a little. Who am I to deny them a little fun? I got some watering done too. After a while, I told them that I had to stop playing and do some work and thankfully they understood and didn’t come back.

Something I learned today?

I dropped by Daytripper this afternoon to see if they were interested in taking some lanterns that Amy was going to throw out. When I got there the two girls behind the counter were busy preparing something with a food mixer and so I learned that they make their own Banoffee in-house. They’ll also take the lanterns.

What is the weather like right now?

Last night was the first night with no aircon and just a fan and this morning is cool with low cloud cover, making it a little grey and dreary but at least comfortable. It’s making for a very pleasant Sunday morning so far.

I took this picture because Noey insisted after I showed her the picture of Nong Pear from House.  She has a lopsided swollen face today after having a wisdom tooth out on Friday.

New Ports – 28th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Fate permitting I will set sail
Clearing the rocks and the harbour
Navigating the rough and smooth
The winds may throw their might
But I am on my way

Loosen the sails, watch the sunset
Or contemplate the clouds forming
Steer by the facts, the stars shining
This ship cannot be abandoned
New ports on the horizon

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and more awake than yesterday. Having to go to school today wasn’t a big deal as I could sit in House and catch up on my own things for the morning. I got my new timetable which looks okay apart from an individual online section that I’m trying to get made back into a normal class as I’ve already got lots of plans for those students. Either way, I can figure it out.

Today I’m grateful for:

My old Macbook Pro that I was eventually able to login to today after starting it up again yesterday. I got the shuffle going on my iTunes library and now just leaving it running like a radio that I can tune into whenever I want to.

The best thing about today was:

A general feeling of contentment and happiness, which I have been savouring throughout the afternoon.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Getting my new teaching schedule is always a bit of a shock after having got into the rhythm of the previous semester. I have 4 mornings of immediate starts which means rushing some coffee but it’s also good as I prefer that to waiting around. Also another Friday with lessons first thing and last thing with nothing in between. It will all settle in soon enough and I’ll get used to it again.

Something I learned today?

The Thai band SpeechOdd posted a message saying they are recording again and that spurred me onto message them about a possible future release, potentially a split 7” with Stacked State.

What is one funny story about my life?

I don’t think there’s anything funny these days. I mean, all the funny things that happen or occur have just become amusing. Some personal things still make me chuckle and I suppose if I was devilish enough I could spin them into funny tales for others.

That’s actually a little weird to think about. I’m happier than I’ve ever been but I’m not necessarily having fun. I’m enjoying my life as it is, fun or not.

I took this picture because whilst I’ve been away Nong Pear has been practising her coffee-making and wasn’t phased this time when I asked her. She made this amusing latte art so I asked for this photo.

Personal Growth Junkie – 27th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Always found in the self-help section
4000 hours to find perfection
Never enough time to exercise the mind
Because excuses are easier to find

Join the green tea and chai latté set
Have you tried the ice baths yet?
Tried everything but it’s never enough
Taking deeper breaths than Wim Hof

Personal growth junkie experimenting
A life lived always just implementing
Tried until all the rules were set
Died before all the goals were met

Title borrowed from a Spinning Visions blog post though otherwise unrelated

Today I’m feeling:

Flat but at a reasonably happy level. I’m not particularly thrilled about being back in my room as I feel a little kicked out of my own house. But I will adjust. I’ve thrown out a lot of stuff that I haven’t touched for the last two years so now the room is clean and more spacious, Amy allowing my bookshelves to remain in the living room for now.

Today I’m grateful for:

The staff at Mana Mala for making my mala soup, especially for me, even admitting they made a mistake the first time and even though I had to wait I appreciated their effort.

Also grateful to those who wished me a happy birthday today – Hayden, Bronwyn, Amy (duh!), Aunwar, Porpieng, Baitong (today is her birthday too), Momo, Fah and another student who I’m not sure who they are!

The best thing about today was:

Going back to school again, not having anything to do, so enjoyed a coffee at House whilst reading and writing, then a second coffee at Utopia.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

This afternoon I had just finished tinkering around with some bits and pieces in my room and lay down to read when Amy called from inside the house asking me to come and help her. I complained that I’d just lay down but came anyway and she promised not to ask me to do anything else all weekend to which I laughed as we both know that she will. I handled it with grace and humour and now I hope to read (though I can hear the neighbour’s kids coming to play….hopefully Amy sends them away!)

Something I learned today?

I learned that next week the students will have activities so no teaching just yet. Gives me a little more time to get back into the swing of things again. I only did one lot of exercises this morning and whilst it pepped me up I was flagging by mid-afternoon. I’ll get back into it.

What is something I need to let go of?

Nothing. I embrace the good and the bad. I favour the good and acknowledge the bad. There are some emotions that I could let go of but they are just emotions. I can experience them without letting them have a negative impact.

Over time now I’m expecting to let go of my attachment to certain things. As I age,  my belongings should necessarily dwindle until they and I no longer exist.

Amy took this picture one week ago because we were enjoying our last night in Sydney. No new pictures today.

Toltec Agreements – 26th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 24 Comments

Conditioned to live up to the image imposed
Wasting time searching for perfection
Society’s dictates are not as supposed
So stand tall to issue a rejection

Blow away the prejudice clouds
One’s own nature is found only in fact
Forget about the opinions of crowds
Practice how to think and act

Words are as powerful as bricks
Their poison remembered forever
Fall not to the devilish tricks
Of the twisted dogmas made clever

Heal the wounds held within
Another’s reality can no longer touch
Getting even is considered a sin
And never accomplishes much

No questions asked, assumptions arise
Understand and be understood
The best is the one who always tries
And whatever the result, it’s good

8th Nov 2024 – Shared with dVerse OLN #373 and What’s Going On

Today I’m feeling:

Super tired. I’m not quite ready for an early start and return to school tomorrow yet. But, that’s my new reality so it’s going to happen whether I’m ready or not.

Today I have to clean up my man cave and move back in. Amy will be happy to have me out of the house! 

Today I’m grateful for:

My working desk that almost fell apart as I was trying to move it out of the house. It did break in a couple of places but there are enough bits holding everything in place that it can still be safely used.

The best thing about today was:

The satisfaction of scrubbing the floor of my man cave clean and getting it looking almost new again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It seems there’s a problem with my stereo that keeps muting the sound at what seems like random times.  Also none of the USB ports were working on my computer after the move. I’m dealing with it by trying again tomorrow as I’ve run out of energy this evening already.

Something I learned today?

Israel’s bombing of Gaza has killed 35 UN workers helping refugees, destroyed 20 UN buildings, bombed the safe spaces they advised Gazans to go and it looks like they’ve also killed 50 Israelis that were recent hostages. It looks like they wish to completely wipeout Palestine and that will probably draw others into a bigger war.

And at the same time as the USA is arming and protecting Israel, Americans are busy killing each other in their own cities. 

Can this world find any peace?

How do I utilize my strengths on a daily basis?

Patience is the main strength that I get to utilise every day. Monday to Friday at school and then back at home with Amy for the rest of the time. I don’t mean to imply that I need to be patient all the time but that it will be tested at various times during the day.

I took this picture because the pandan has really grown over the last month and outside our back door now smells delicious!

Wonderland – 25th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Pinned to the floor, mouth full of dirt
Listening carefully for the next scream or roar
Unable to feel hurt, waiting for a hand
To pull back up to the new wonderland

No feeling in the toes, eyes red and wet
Blood pulses slowly down the nose
It’s not over yet, a forever-shifting sand
Every day a vision of this wonderland

Darkness surrounds, night is as day
Sharing space in these sacred grounds
Desperate again to play, desperate again to stand
Amongst the ruins of this wonderland

In and out of sleep, time for final dreams
All the promises no one was able to keep
Who knows what it means when it was all planned
And the devils came to play in this wonderland

24th Jun 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Today I’m feeling:

Sleepy but alive. As my body slowly revives from another rude awakening I’m sitting outside watching birds searching through the long grass for snacks or useful detritus for nest building, which I’m grateful to see they are taking full advantage of all our trees and safe nooks.

Today I’m grateful for:

Aing, Now and their two friends who helped look after our house and cats and best of all were very quiet and gentle so that us and our cats weren’t disturbed.

The best thing about today was:

Sushi buffet for dinner that I had saved up my hunger for, only eating a couple of pieces of bread around lunch time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Having our house back to ourselves has set Amy off on a cleaning frenzy despite being tired and full after dinner and this leads to lots of ‘do this, get that, get this, do that’ to which I oblige and after a little while say ‘anything else?’ hoping that there isn’t!

Something I learned today?

Talking with my student Baipad I found out that she is part Lahu and of Chinese descent. I only discovered this when she told me she was staying in a village somewhere and when I looked it up it was the Lahu village that Bruno and I stopped at the time we rode out to Tha Ton.

What’s an opinion I held for a long time but changed?

When I was younger I ignorantly believed in freedom and anarchy. I say ignorantly in that I just didn’t know enough about it but I believed in the good of people in general, to help each other and make it work.

Age brings cynicism! I understand the appeal of less governance but ultimately I feel as if it is from the perspective of Western self-centredness and that leaves a lot of places for some to be left behind. Over time I’ve come to appreciate the ‘benevolent dictatorship’ of China, if I can call it that.

A well-governed country may not satisfy everyone when it comes to freedom but it seemed ironic to me when visiting that there was a feeling of more freedom in China than there wass in Australia (though I appreciate this was speaking as a guest).

Thailand is also way more relaxed in its rule of law, which has its upsides and downsides, of course. The government here is also not quite so benevolent to its people, or as well organised.

Governments that are corrupted are the scourge of the planet. It doesn’t matter what form the take. Corruption is the key.

Making Space – 24th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s treasure in the gaps
The white space of waiting
Suddenly an idea snaps
Into the place of creating

Here’s the room for thinking
Running between two places
Eyes open, no blinking
Look into the empty spaces

Removed from daily disarray
The thoughts now flow free
Consider all to do and say
Use the tools to think and see

All these things are at hand
To keep tidy the mess of the mind
So when things don’t go as planned
Peace is still easy to find

inspired by various posts by David Elikwu

Today I’m feeling:

Uncertain. I was having great interesting dreams all night and a 7.30 alarm was upsetting but here we are again with the get up and go. We had to come to the city as Dad has his first day of chemo. We had to run around a bit and take his dog for a walk. I had to go to immigration too, where they told me to go to the head office in Mae Sai or go over to Laos to re-apply for a visa. It’s so annoying but I’m trying to apply my practice of going with the flow.

I can understand that reality changes for us all the time and now I’m in a new reality where I have to do a certain set of actions to move forward. That’s all this is. It’s up to me if I choose to be frustrated and annoyed.

If I can keep thinking like this then these days will be smooth. I also need to counter Amy’s complaining about this and other things in general. She’s already light-heartedly talking about going back to Australia!

I usually don’t react too much to her complaints but things can build up. 

Breathe. Calm. Practice.

Today I’m grateful for:

My agent Nancy, who clarified for me what I need to do next to reinstate my visa.  I’ll still have to mess about getting an extension to my now-current tourist visa and possibly have to go out of the country and back one time, but that’s what will have to be done. Nancy offered to do a working visa through her but it will take just as much effort as us doing the spouse visa again. I just sent her a thank you message as I was writing this.

The best thing about today was:

Playing with the neighbour’s kids for a few minutes. They were waiting in our entertainment area even though Amy told them I was sleeping. I wasn’t actually sleeping but just chilling in the air-conditioned bedroom. They were so noisy though that I roused myself and played with them and communicated with them as best I could. There are two boys and one girl.
The boys are pushy and chatty, the girl, quieter and more respectful. They like to be lifted up to hang on my gym rings though I have to make sure I catch them when they want to let go. Yesterday the girl said she was too scared to try it but I told her she could do anything that the boys could and today she did and was proud of herself.
A few minutes later, through visual cues, she understood that I wanted to catch the smaller boy and turn him upside down. I couldn’t get close enough but she coaxed him over until he was within reach. She was thrilled and they were all giggling. Smart girl.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The visa situation could’ve gotten out of hand with Amy already a little stressed about having to run around for Mum and Dad but ultimately things settled down as we got on with everyday things.

Something I learned today?

The colour orange was named after the fruit. In English, at least, I suppose.

I took this picture because I don’t recall this tree having flowers like this last year. My memory is not the best though!

Who Wears The Crown? – 23rd October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Where the waters glisten night and day
With all the pearls of wisdom on display
There’s a bridge over untroubled waves
That draws the diamonds a gambler craves

Awash with stories, a rain with dice
There are twenty floors of a winner’s advice
A promise of the life richly deserved
Park your dreams in the spot reserved

Pearly smiles are this devil’s greeting
The chase of the highs is forever fleeting
One more roll, one more spin or turn
The future is no longer of concern
From the shore or dreams, ships depart
Into the mists of the broken heart

Today I’m feeling:

A little anxious about all the things that need to be done when we get back home but also thankful that home is there waiting for me.

(Later) Amy was straight into cleaning mode so I dashed out for coffee revival at Utopia. Once back home though I got sucked into the whirlwind.

Today I’m grateful for:

The hotel staff who helped us in the morning, the taxi driver who told us about his BYD electric car, the Thai Smile check-in staff who was very helpful with our bags, the airport staff we interacted with, the pilots for flying us home, the cabin crew who gave us a snack and water, Aing for picking us up at the airport on time, Now for washing the car (badly but I appreciate the effort), Art for a great first coffee home, the seller for his fish for our dinner. All the people in and out of my space that didn’t kill me today.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling positive and content despite all our running around. Getting back to our home was a little strange for a moment but when I jumped on the bike to go to Utopia I suddenly felt free again. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Aing and Now had two friends staying over and asked if they could stay for a couple more days. For me, it doesn’t really matter as we are still busy running around and Amy didn’t have any problem either except when we met them they didn’t say anything except hello. Amy was upset about that and I tried to rationalise it away. It’s pretty Thai style but still…

Also, despite us just getting back we had to drive into the city for dinner at Amy’s parents as her brother was here for the weekend and flies back early in the morning. It was literally, drive there, eat and drive back!

Something I learned today?

I caught up with all my Substack reading over the last couple of days so lots of stuff went into my eyes and possibly made it to my brain. I think I read one article twice without even realising it. Anyway, one thing that I do recall is a breakthrough in quantum computing. I don’t understand exactly what the machine was doing but the computation took one-millionth of a second whereas it was estimated it would take our current fastest supercomputer ten billion years to complete! That’s outrageous! But will it be useful? Time will tell.

What’s my earliest childhood memory?

I’ve answered this before and I’m a little curious if I would say the same thing now. It must be something from living in Bransty, Whitehaven. I have quite a few memories from there but can’t quite put them in order. The most important memory is from when I was 4 years old (and I even wonder now if that’s right but I’ve made it that age over the times I’ve recalled it) and crying because I didn’t want to die. I assume this may have been triggered by talking to my mum about why I didn’t have a father like other kids. Learning about death is pretty traumatic for a four-year-old.

I took this picture because I’m back home and our giant asparagus plant thing is about to do something. I don’t recall there being amazing flowers but it’s obviously part of its reproduction cycle. The other one that grew before hasn’t flowered again since it did back three or four years ago.

Break Down The Wall – 22nd October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 15 Comments

Disappointment with humanity
And the reality we conceed
To American dreams of freedom
From which we’ll never be freed

Misinformed and kept indebted
To slave away for all we need
Uneducated and ignorant
Of other points of view or creed

But the towers of empire crumble
As revolutions rise from seed
And the writing is on the wall
But only for those who read

23rd Aug 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United – break free

Today I’m feeling:

(Early) Anxious and wound up. I went to sleep easily but woke up cold because of the intense aircon that I couldn’t figure out how to temper. Both Amy and I feel like we have colds and that could quite easily be true after being on a plane and then into the crazy humidity here. My shoulders are stiff from not moving much on this hard bed and I’m awake well before I’d like to be.

(Late) Calm and contemplative after a 2-hour massage, good food and even a reasonable enough temperature to do the short walk back to the hotel from the shopping centre. Back home tomorrow. Happy.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nong Fai for picking us up at the airport last night when we were dog-tired after a long day.

The funny taxi driver who picked us up from the train station this afternoon and then the Auntie who massaged me into pain for two hours at the hotel. Bless them all for their small parts in my story.

The best thing about today was:

Finding new work pants at Monotone and then some cheap soaps at Bath and Body Works after a train and MRT ride into the city. No rush today, everything will be ok.

Also sending a couple of boxes of things back home via a courier service so that our bags will make the weight limit for our final flight. Only 430 baht. Bargain (so long as it arrives!)

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got caught out yet again with my visa, this time not having a re-entry permit so now I just have a 30-day visa on arrival until I go to immigration again on Tuesday.

I have a visa to stay and I can leave any time but I’m not allowed to leave without permission and not allowed back in with the visa! Frustrating.

Something I learned today?

I found the Monotone stores in BKK again today and was advised to use LINE to contact them in future rather than use Shopee as there are fake stores on there! Weird to think that people would imitate this rather small independent brand.

I took this picture because I like the message for my kids and am curious if any of them will tell me that it is grammatically incorrect.