A sermon for every sin A sin for every hour And all the dreams later Wishes to enter this tower
Just one more sin, one more sin This sermon the last Begging to be let in From the long nights past
inspired by Chapter 4(?) of Wuthering Heights
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good in the morning and Amy and I had a nice lunch at Nut and Bruno’s. We came back and had a nap but I felt not quite right after that and now I just feel like doing nothing. I’m in bed at 6.30 already.
Today I’m grateful for:
My grade 7 student messaging me saying that he wants to talk about his mental health problems. I will meet him tomorrow. I’m glad he is self-aware enough to reach out.
The best thing about today was:
My grade 8 students coming to help or just watch my grade 7s with their reading.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Run out of enthusiasm and my stomach is feeling a little wobbly. Hope to sleep early tonight.
I took this picture because I was surprised to see this reference to the Sex Pistols Bill Grundy interview on a student’s jumper! No one had really looked at it until I pointed it but when they did they knew that fuck was a bad word.
There’s a honey latte running through her head So sweet and milky, her memory a thread Not knowing the day, she ventures to the city Things she thought she knew shined so pretty
Alone, together, the hands are like ghosts Long gone now, sailed to separate coasts Eyeing the barista, nails polished black A laptop hipster, personified slack
She’s a wanna-be adult, yet still sixteen Smart and serious but remains unseen Loving the self-loathing, when will she arrive? Only when she realises she’s always been alive
Wishing for the future and suddenly it’s gone Standing in the middle of what she wanted for so long Nothing left to prove, no longer the impostor Discounted all the time that getting here cost her
Here’s to the memory, the empty honey cup Close the cafe door, breathe til she’s full up Treading familiar sidewalks always reveals the change Yesterday, today and tomorrow always seem so strange
A little tired with a headache and cough again. I didn’t sleep well due to discomfort in my shoulders. I woke up and exercised and felt good for that but my eyes are aching again.
I wondered if part of the problem was connected to the air quality so I checked on the AirVisual app and saw that the quality is already poor and approaching dangerous. Amy has also suddenly got her cough and runny nose back. We will put the air filter in the bedroom tonight.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to get paid a little money this month at least. Nancy has figured out some trickery so that I won’t starve just yet.
The best thing about today was:
Finding out that all classes are reduced to 50 minutes for December as kids go off for sports practice at the end of each day. There are also three days off this month. Great.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I got to House I was hanging for coffee but Gui’s machine was broken. I stayed a while doing some lesson checking and planning but couldn’t wait in the end and went around to Hobby coffee and I don’t know if it was just the wait but the first cup I got there tasted of delicious honey. I took a second cup back to school and carried on planning.
Something I learned today?
My old student Fah, who was always a bit of a handful but I was drawn to her because she reminded me of me when I was her age, got kicked out of school last semester due to lack of attendance, work, care etc. I wondered why I hadn’t seen her for a while.
Apparently, she has become even worse since, though she is supposed to be studying at another school.
I think she felt an affinity with me, maybe because I never gave her too much of a hard time and encouraged her more than berated her, every time she saw me, without fail she would give me a big hug.
I hope she makes it out there.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent Nong Fah (Sonsawan) an encouraging message to keep going with English in the future, using Amy’s story as evidence.
I helped fix many students’ microphone access so that they could read my work today. I’ve managed to figure out on most phones how to change the setting’s language to English and from there allow them microphone access.
When one of my students accidentally mixed up their words today and asked me if I was studying instead of if I was teaching, I told them ‘Yes, I’m always learning!’
I finally got to congratulate Funfai in person and she is very proud of herself for winning four trophies.
Despite being tired and wanting to get home I stayed and played Uno with Kru Ren, Jet, Noah, Lin and Mai after my class had finished and somehow the kids conspired to make sure that the teachers didn’t win. It was a lot of fun.
I gave my last candies to two of my laziest students, trying to buy their attention for our next class!
Rista asked if we could make Christmas cards in our class again like we did last year. Well, I don’t see why not?
I took this picture because as Tonaor and Nicha were on their way to their next class they suddenly shouted out ‘selfie’ and this was the result. I’d forgotten about it until now.
A little tense as there is a lot of running around today. First to the city to walk Leo, then Mae Sai immigration where we have just home from. Right now I’m ready to scoff some lunch before dashing back to school for my afternoon classes.
Today I’m grateful for:
Officer Oh at Mae Sai immigration. This was my first visit there and all the staff seemed far more friendly than in Chiang Rai. It’s a bit of a long way to go each time but hopefully the experience will be better.
The best thing about today was:
Getting my visa application in and hopefully having that finalised within the next three weeks.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Being out of my class this morning was a little difficult as I tried to monitor everything from the work they were sending me in their messages.
About ten students didn’t submit anything and later in the day I deducted points in the system.
It was then found that I had gotten two students mixed up and needed to add their points back but then finding that I can only deduct points and not add them! I want to get that fixed because I want to reward students too.
Something I learned today?
More than 87% of Palestinian deaths caused by Israel in the last 51 days are civilian. The highest ratio of civilian to combatant deaths in any war ever and by a long way.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Last night I made the choice to get up early and go with Amy to walk Leo but when we arrived this morning we found that her dad had already taken him. Everyone has been telling him to take it easy and he only finished his second round of chemo yesterday but he is obviously frustrated at not being able to do all the things he wants to do. As the brief thought went through my mind of wasted time and wasted petrol, I pushed it aside and prepared for the next step of driving us to Mae Sai.
I messaged Manow hoping that she recovers from her cold soon.
I apologised to Pin and Gam as I accidentally deducted points from them in the SchoolBright system. They were both gracious in return.
As a few of my final class wanted to go off early to sports practice I made a deal with them to help them get through the work quicker.
After going to Immigration in Mae Sai Amy wanted to go to the markets. I didn’t really want to buy anything myself but happily went along with her as it felt like we had enough time. We bought some roasted chestnuts and noodles for her mum and dad and I was tasked with delivering them before getting back to school. It was a bit of a rush but I got it done.
What emotions do I feel most often?
I’ve become much more emotionally stable over the last couple of years and the emotion I notice more often these days is joy. There are times when I just have a feeling of inner peace and happiness.
Other emotions such as stress, tension and anxiety seem to occur often enough but register less. Depression is almost gone completely.
I took this picture last night because I wanted to capture what we had setup for Loy Kratong in the driveway. No new pictures today.
The whitest wild eyes of youth Lips that have never kissed Always running away from truth Without fear of anything missed
The smoothest skin, muddied hands Boys and girls with crazy dreams And no one ever really understands What the problem really means
Loving and losing without a touch A game on the playground of thought Wanting it all and not wanting much Is all that’s ever been taught
Today I’m feeling:
Much better though somehow time ran out yesterday and I was so tired so I woke up with a complete surprise when my alarm went off. I could’ve slept for a few more hours. But as soon as I got to school I got my energy back again. Now I’m only coughing a little bit.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nancy for helping to fast-track my visa so that I can lodge it tomorrow and get my visa extended until it’s completed. It means driving to Mae Sai tomorrow so I’ll miss my first class in the morning but should be able to get back for the afternoon.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling good in general despite being on the go for most of the day from morning exercise, getting to work, photocopying for my first class, teaching, writing and reading during the only real downtime of the day today, back to class then finishing, shopping, post office, back to the city after Nancy’s call, back home, setting up for Loy Kratong, preparing to tomorrow, playing guitar, studying, cleaning up all the Loy Kratong candles, finally into bed.
Lots of good interactions with people even though not all of them were about positive things. Again, not one thing stands out as best.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
6 of my grade 8 students didn’t really bother doing work in my class today which was very disappointing. I didn’t really get upset about it, though I did deduct points from them in the SchoolBright system and tell their homeroom teacher(who is pretty useless). I’m not going to bother pushing these kids much as I only see them once a week. They understand what my requirements are and it’s pretty simple. If they can’t be bothered, well, it’s up to them.
Something I learned today?
According to Al Jazeera Israel has released 117 Palestinians in the last 3 days and in that same time they’ve detained 116 new Palestinian prisoners in areas across the occupied West Bank!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I messaged Earn about her not getting distracted by other students in my class today which she is sometimes prone to do. She said it was because she was in a good mood, so I told her to try and bring her good mood to every class.
I messaged Funfai who told me that she won 3rd place in her tennis competition which was for the whole of Thailand. I congratulated her on all her good work.
I took some selfies and gave Kru Fang a farewell hug as today is her last day at our school. I hope she is happy and has a good future.
I was Amy’s Loy Kratong photographer and assistant with setting up and lighting candles. I happily did as she requested despite her shortness with me at times.
What do I want to focus on this week?
My focus at the moment has come around to consistent Thai study with ThaiPod101. But I’m already in the habit with that so I don’t need to focus particularly.
Same for exercise and playing guitar.
I should focus on finishing sorting out the piles of things in my room as I never got to finishing it. I made it to a functional and clean 85% leaving 15% of things that I didn’t want to make a decision on yet.
I took this picture because the full November moon means it is Loy Kratong, a festival to celebrate the goddess of water and ironically ends up polluting most rivers with debris of one sort or another.
A bit more lively than yesterday and with a little bit of tension knowing that I have a few things to do. Amy will go out for lunch with Aun so there shouldn’t be any interruptions.
Today I’m grateful for:
Poowanut at Heaven and Hell record store for immediately paying for a couple of copies of the Jornada Del Muerto LPs which I immediately got packed and will send to him tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
Getting everything done that I had planned. The day went way too quickly though. Even what feels like doing nothing in particular goes too fast and being bored is a thing long past!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This one happened to Amy but I got to hear all about it. As mentioned above Amy had planned to meet Aun for lunch but as it approached time to leave she called Aun just to double-check, who then said she was still in bed and hungover and could she cancel.
Amy was rightly annoyed and complained to me about this common occurrence amongst her friends in Thailand.
She blamed herself though, saying that she should’ve known better. As she continued I just kept listening and acknowledging her displeasure and she let it all go with a ‘better just to be by myself and not care about other people.’
Something I learned today?
My football team, Ipswich Town, making a bid to return to the top tier of English football lost their first game this season to West Bromwich Albion.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I smiled and acknowledged the old lady (she may not have been old) at Utopia in the morning. She gave me a nod and a smile as she left.
I committed to investing time and money in a new release for SpeechOdd and High Voltage.
A random guy had emailed me last week about wanting to buy a CD in my collection and though I really like it I figured I could track it down again and he seemed really desperate to get it so I decided to let it go today.
Another random guy had emailed me about making music together but he thought that I had made a song that was actually done by Trumans Water. I forwarded his message to the band and replied to the guy that I had done so.
What made me smile today?
Walking into Utopia after riding my pushbike from home, I smiled and greeted staff and customers with a smile because I was in a good expectant mood looking forward to that first sip of delicious coffee.
Seeing Cappuccino and Tigger curled up in the cat tree boxes.
Watching a funny video of a kitten running after a delivery guy whilst I was laying next to Amy in bed after having my morning shower.
I feel like I didn’t smile that much really even though I’m pretty happy today.
What puts me in a good mood?
Seeing my students. They can also have the opposite effect but in general, being around all the students at school makes me happy and picks me up.
Coffee helps too!
I took this picture because I managed to capture Cap’s blue eyes.
Imagination once so bright Turned toys into tigers Battered to death with culture That no longer inspires us
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and needing that Saturday morning sleep-in catch-up. Still stuck with this dry cough. My weight this morning is down to 78.45kg because of not eating much yesterday and no doubt contributing to my tiredness.
Today I’m grateful for:
Noey at Utopia changing my water to be room temperature instead of with ice after she noticed I was coughing a lot.
The best thing about today was:
A little evening ride around to check out new advancements in our little municipality.
Lots of new things going on and we ended up checking out a shop that we have been past many times where there are just a bunch of bean bags on a lawn with no cover. It stands out a little because the shop will have to close whenever it rains.
They serve some really simple food and speciality sodas. It’s a nice environment to chill out and is pretty popular now that things are back to normal after Covid.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Much of the day felt out of my control today but none of it was in a way that bothered me. Some days are easy to accept.
Tomorrow though there are things I want to do and I will push the time in that direction.
Something I learned today?
Hayden’s girlfriend Vashti will move in with him soon. They will have separate rooms so that they can get away from each other somewhat if necessary, which I don’t think is a bad idea.
I realise that it was at the age that he is at now when I moved to Australia.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
As usual I let Noey make my coffee at Utopia and despite it not being quite hot enough, it still tasted fine. I’m happy to let her improve her skills and be her taste tester.
After an afternoon snooze I was looking forward to going out to my room and playing guitar. Amy said ‘lets go for a ride’. Ok, I thought. It won’t be long before the sun goes down so there’s still plenty of time.
As we were riding around though Amy was looking for places to eat dinner. So even though it was now apparent that I wouldn’t be home soon, I happily rode us from here to there until finding a place to eat.
How do I practice patience and perseverance?
Well, as a quote-unquote ‘teacher’ this is an easy question to answer. I was fairly well practiced in patience before but even I have noticed that I have become far more patient these days.
As to perseverance I do remember as a child and teenager giving up way too easily whenever I found things too difficult. Somehow, possibly aligned with starting work, that changed. I started to enjoy working hard and to see a job completed, even if not always well done.
I believe I learned these traits from my mother who was always working and trying things. I’m grateful for that. Thanks mum.
I took this picture because this was the view from my beanbag at the restaurant this evening.
Born empty, yet complete A whole thing of being A clean slate to begin Eyes open for the seeing Entropy now underway Holes puncture the slate Until the whole is empty No longer able to create
Pretty reasonable, though exercise was a bit of a struggle this morning. Just a tiny tickly dry cough left and there’s little pain from the tooth extraction but just a little bit of a weird feeling in my mouth.
Today I’m grateful for:
A kind of family dinner at Amy’s folk’s house. I ate as soon as I arrived after school as I had only had a few spoonfuls of yoghurt in the morning. Amy rode out to get me some fish congee which was what the dentist suggested for a couple of days whilst the hole in my gum heals. Everyone else was running around preparing food and then ate outside but I ran inside because of the hundreds of busy mosquitoes.
The best thing about today was:
It seems more common these days to not have anything stand out in particular but just to be generally having a good day all day. This is reflective of a more positive and healthy attitude all round.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In my last class one of my students advised me that everyone had to be out of the building by 4.30 because the pest control people were coming to spray.
I don’t know why it is that we have to wait for our students to inform us of what is going on in the school but I’ve gotten used to it by now.
Something I learned today?
Sadly Kru Fang will leave our school on Monday which is such a shame as she has been the most helpful and friendly teacher of all in our building. I like her a lot. Nothing stays the same.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Despite feeling tired during the day I was still happy to accept Amy’s message that we would eat at her parent’s for dinner.
Arriving after finishing school, Amy directed me to walk Leo and though I was hoping to relax for a minute I got over it quickly and let Leo pull me along as he snuffled in any interesting pile of leaves and dirt that he came across. He gives few clues about what is going on his head.
After finishing dinner I was keen to get home but Amy needed some baking ingredient that we needed to go back into the city for. I took it in my stride, even after the first shop we tried being closed and the second shop not having any stock and rushing to the third shop before it closed where finally she got it. I was satisfied with a nice soft cake that I found at the second stop and I think that kept me going.
I sent congratulations to Funfai for more medal-winning tennis and get-wells to Nut, Lin and Baipad.
I sent supportive messages to Aum and Ice because I saw them both enjoying my class of tongue twisters and helping other students.
I managed to go another day without taking a picture. I guess I had opportunities here and there but I did spend a lot of time either in class or in House and distracted with other things like reading or studying Thai.
I feel a little like I’m accustomed now to my environment here in Thailand. It’s not as novel as it once was though I do still appreciate what is around me. I need to get on my bike again soon and go exploring.
The aching thrill of first holding hands Believing it is only love that understands But merging doesn’t make you as one Still alone when the other has gone
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty positive despite a disrupted sleep due to coughing. That’s improved a little throughout the morning and I just hope I can control it when I’m sitting in the dentist’s chair.
Today I’m grateful for:
Some of my grade 8 students stopped by to help with my grade 7’s and helped them with some reading. I think it showed both groups some healthy things.
For my grade 7’s they saw that we are all in it together, helping each other. They also saw how in interact with the grade 8’s and how they interact comfortably with me.
For the grade 8’s they can realise how much they have progressed since they were doing similar work last year.
7.30pm – just got out from the dentist after a successful removal of my dirty old gnarly broken tooth. I’m grateful to the dentist who did a great job explaining everything and quickly and easily removing the tooth.
I can always remember the Hong Kong dentist back in Chatswood who was so short that he had to brace his foot against the chair to pull out one of my wisdom teeth. It took him a good few minutes.
The best thing about today was:
Getting home around midday feeling quite happy and satisfied with things and then hopping into bed for a little Thai study and some comic book reading before weird disrupted light sleep that I enjoyed because of crazy thoughts and dreams.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At the dentist I was given three options for my broken tooth.
One was for root canal and crown but they said it would involve removing some bone along the whole side of the jaw to keep everything level. I didn’t like the sound of that much.
Another option is to pull the tooth and replace it with an implant but that is 45000 baht! Two months wages!
The final option is to pull the tooth and recap the surrounding teeth with a bridge. That will be about 21000 baht! Still expensive.
I asked about pulling the tooth and just leaving it empty but it was clear from the X-ray that the tooth alongside will fall over into the gap and be a bigger problem in the future. So, the bridge option it will have to be.
I have to wait a month after extraction and I’ll push it to two months as it will give me time to get paid again.
Now is the time to curse my junior self for poor teeth maintenance but well, my teeth have made it further than most of my mum’s so I’ll take it as a win.
Something I learned today?
“It takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds to refocus on a task after a distraction.”
I berate my students for lack of focus but if this statement is true I can berate myself a lot of the time too!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I encouraged Ten, who is a poor student that acts up to compensate. When he was able to read something slowly without giving up and getting frustrated I congratulated him, as did his classmate. Slowly, slowly I will chip away at his barriers and behaviours and pull him into the class as an active participant.
I complimented the dentist on her English this morning. She was worried that she didn’t know how to explain things but actually she did it very well. I’m still trying to improve my Thai but trying to listen to people talking in the dentist waiting room I can feel it is going to take a lot more time. Well, let’s hope I have a lot more time.
What am I grateful for in this moment?
I’m sitting in the dentist waiting room and grateful for the renovations they have done as everything looks new shiny and sparkling and at least gives the impression of professionalism. Hopefully I am still grateful in an hours time when they might have fixed my broken tooth or at least tide me over until next month with a temporary solution.
No picture today so let’s go back to an old favourite that I like to confuse my students with.
The last time you looked at me Your eyes were pleading ‘I don’t know what’s happening And I don’t like it’ We waited for each other But were never able to see again
Your world in a plastic bag That will still end up in landfill And survive for ten thousand years The relentless tide offers little comfort Except that it will be there tomorrow But I’ll never wear this red dress again.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good but the headache from coughing is still annoying. I think it will hang around for a couple more weeks so it’s just a case of soldiering. People are sympathetic with each other at school though as everyone is coughing, sneezing or has lost their voice.
Today I’m grateful for:
Tim from Chocolat Frog for messaging me to introduce me to their new album which I had already downloaded anyway. Listening and enjoying it right now.
The best thing about today was:
Being pleased with the engagement with both my classes today. They were a pleasure and everyone did well. Maybe the little bit of support I gave yesterday helped. Let’s see if we can keep it up until the end of the week!
Something I learned today?
For some reason the app for ThaiPod101 doesn’t include the flashcards which is disappointing as I’ve found them a useful tool. With a bit of fiddling around though I discovered how to import them into Duo Cards so I’ll use that to reinforce what I learn during the TP101 lessons.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I offered a wish of better health to Kru Ren who has been struggling with some kind of flu for more than a month already and today complained of losing his sense of taste.
I congratulated the students who got into the programs they applied for and commiserated with those that didn’t.
I took this picture because this grass looked nice in the morning golden hour as I took Leo for his walk at around 8.15am. It’s cool now but not cold enough for a jacket for me. The kids at school are wrapped up already though and complain about how cold it is.
I’m saying goodbye to all the terrible kissers Crazy roommates and sideways pissers No more mental breakdowns for me I’m handing the landlord back the key
Moving on from fast food dates Working minimum wage cleaning plates I’m tired of all the dreams I’ve dreamt That I never had time to attempt
But finally, the time has come for me To make the trip towards a different sea The school of life has me graduating Beyond the realms of just contemplating
The terrible kissers will be a reminder To treat myself and others kinder Four winters and summers now past The time is right to move on at last
Ok but still coughing a little. When I got to school I found that one of my classes has 15 students off sick today! Amy is coughing and has a sore throat now too.
Today I’m grateful for:
My student Lydia for expressing her appreciation for my class today which was about vowel sounds.
I was also grateful to Tulip, who I moved from the back of the class to the front, which she was extremely unhappy about but then excelled in her interactions and was full of smiles.
I messaged her later to see how she felt about it and she gave positive feedback. I hope it encourages her for the future.
The best thing about today was:
A steady diet of happiness, many happy positive moments without one standing out.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I turned up to an empty classroom for my first class of the day, only then finding out that they had to go off to some meeting for the morning.
It would be nice if the kids learned about planning and communication so that when they become adults they can plan and inform people like me that get frustrated about its lack!
Nevermind. Five hours before my next class. Let’s drink coffee!
Something I learned today?
I read it on the internet so cannot claim it is true but this text said that supermarket apples can be up to one year old. After picking they are covered in wax, hot air-dried and placed in cold storage.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent supportive messages to Tulip, Khawhom, BB and Namfon after our class today.
I encouraged my grade 10 students when they sulked after I gave them a more difficult option and then proceeded to do very well anyway, so I gave them positive feedback.
I helped supply a couple of forgetful students with pens this morning.
I helped Amy without complaint immediately after getting home. She had been sweeping up leaves and wanted me to finish off and throw them over the fence.
What deserves my energy and focus right now?
Now I’ve settled on Thaipod101 for my Thai studies and will stop with the other apps for now. I have a two-year subscription and must focus on pushing forward with it. I have the routine and habit in place and the belief that I can do it. So, this is not just ‘right now’ but it does start ‘right now’ and ‘right now’ every day!
I took this picture because I was thinking I should try to identify this dead snake that Amy found near our terrace. It was hard to say why it was dead. There were no obvious wounds except a little blood around its mouth.
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