This project is almost over Say your farewells and let me go I’m tired of these waking hours It’s time I slept Don’t shed tears, it’s not failure But a circuit complete I dream one day to be an eagle Or a happy fat cat But now we must let it be
You’re welcome to say a prayer But save it for yourself Whisper it to your own ear And listen to that breath
Today I’m feeling:
Well enough to exercise again but I’m coughing up lots of phlegm and although my throat isn’t too sore from coughing its giving me a headache.
I’m pretty tired after my first class and could easily sleep. At least I finish at 2.30 and can get home and relax for a while.
Today I’m grateful for:
My grade 8 class students slowly maturing, advancing their skills and understanding what I require of them. I’m starting to like them again, despite loving and loathing them!
The best thing about today was:
Finishing writing up two books to blog posts. Now there’s a bit of space in my bag again though there’s plenty more books to go yet.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My broken tooth is starting to get sensitive and its fricking painful to drink anything cold. My other dodgy teeth seem to also be coming out in sympathy pain too.
I go to the dentist in a couple of days but I don’t think that they will fix it there and then (unless they have a go at pulling it out, which maybe the best option in the end)
Something I learned today?
There’s a lot of volcanic activity in the world at the moment so it seems though perhaps it is just that I’m seeing more of that type of information presented to me. In the same manner it seems to be flooding everywhere that is usually a desert.
Our perceptions are so easily manipulated.
Hey, all is quiet down our street.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I tried to get over my dislike of one of my students by involving him in the class a little more and trying to be firm and consistent when he acts up.
In another class I supported a couple of the struggling readers with some one-on-one time and also tried to broker peace in a quarrel that they were having.
Amy ordered a new shoe rack which I duly put together with little complaint even though there were other things I wanted to do.
I believe there were no vile deeds today (as per most days now).
What are some of the sources of stress in my life right now?
Not having a visa currently us a little stressful, though in the process of getting sorted out.
The possibility of not getting paid next month is also stressful especially as I have a few things that require some extra cash, such as getting my teeth fixed again.
Came along in a shiny craft Took one look and loudly laughed Said ‘These things are sadly daft!’
Abilities deeply bereft Nothing even worthy of theft Closed the hatch and quickly left
Left no trace of any sort Radioed home and did report The value of this place is naught
Today I’m feeling:
A little worse again as all the phlegm gathered in my chest has decided it wished to evacuate, during the night. In an effort to stop constantly coughing, I shoved an extra pillow under my head and tried to raise my top end up so that the green slime stayed down in my chest until the morning. This tactic only had minimal effect though and it seems I have a constant supply of rising mucus now as I sit coughing into my coffee.
Today I’m grateful for:
Bruno’s high-pressure hose again, as I got back after coffee and with a burst of energy cleaned up the paths and area outside the kitchen and they are now gleaming white. They should stay like that for a year or so.
The best thing about today was:
The mango sticky-rice flavoured ice cream that didn’t really taste like mango sticky-rice but was delicious in its own way.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When using the high-pressure hose at the back door I knew the muddy water was going to spray under the door and into the kitchen a little (because nothing fits properly in Thailand!) and sure enough, it did.
After I finished Amy asked me why I didn’t close the door when I was hosing. I did!
I was hoping she would clean up but she asked me to and in the end, it was pretty quick and easy. No big deal.
Something I learned today?
I watched an interesting video of an American guy who was in Laos and trying to visit the casino area in the Golden Triangle. Casinos are already sketchy places in my eyes and I was totally put off them after visiting Macau.
This guy found a few sketchy things too but where there’s money, there are workers (willing or not) and as this area of the world is so poor people are easily lured there.
Commenters were worried about his safety and it made me consider some of the sketchy situations I found myself in some places before too. I think I just figure most people have good intentions and those that don’t don’t generally fuck with you if you don’t fuck with them.
What are three words to describe how I feel right now?
Satisfied, content and (is there a single word that describes a sore neck?)
I took this picture because I dropped off some lanterns at Daytripper and the reflections on the waterlogged paddy fields were enticing. I enjoyed a nice early afternoon coffee there too.
Forgetting how shadows fell to the ground When winds blew the dust without a sound A solution so final was finally found And everyone thought ‘never again’ But it wasn’t a matter of if but when
Good in the morning after excellent coffee and a pleasant drive to Paew’s shop for the blessing lunch which was fine until I started to flag at about one pm.
I came home first and hopped into bed listening to jazzcore as I like to do on lazy weekends. I let the crazy music guide me into light lucid dreams occasionally lulled deeper.
Amy woke me up with all her friends coming back here to carry on the drinking and celebrating which is fine with me so long as they leave me out of it. I’ve hidden in my cave until it quiets down a little before trying to get to bed.
Today I’m grateful for:
Paew’s dad who is always happy to see me and practice his English despite every time I see him he is drunk and says the same things over. I can feel that he is sincere though.
The best thing about today was:
Finding that there are two new issues of Love and Rockets to read and also grabbing the last year’s worth of 2000ADs which I may get to reading in about five years’ time at the rate I’m going. I love comics.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy was happy that I was not bothered about her bringing her friends home to party despite me not feeling 100% and tired. It’s not a big deal. Our house is ideal for entertaining and has only been filled with me and the cats for most of the last two years.
I noticed a bit more recently that my hearing has deteriorated and I especially struggle when there’s lots of surrounding noise like there was at the lunch this afternoon. Maybe it will encourage me to listen more carefully.
Something I learned today?
Paew and Mee will go back to Bangkok soon. We thought that they might stay a while longer but it seems that despite living with their family the internal politics are causing them problems that are easier avoided by distance. We hoped they might just move out of the family home and stay somewhere nearby but that seems to have changed.
What is my favourite song right now?
I don’t listen to songs over and over like I used to. The only time I do that now is when playing along to songs on my guitar to practice my playing. I could still list about 50 songs that are favourites in that regard.
What are my personality traits?
I’ve been kicking this one along for a week or so. As the question is worded, my flippant answer is ‘all of them’ as surely we possess all the traits to some degree or other.
As I searched for a list of traits online to guide me to answer this question, it seems established that there are five main traits but diving deeper provides lists of anywhere between 20 and 721. So I thought I’d find an online test or two and see what the internet thinks my personality is.
Even this was a little disconcerting though as depth is difficult to consider. A question will trigger a memory where I would strongly agree or disagree with it at that particular time.
Yes, I need to answer the question as I feel about it right now but the past also has contributed to my current personality. All the doubts and worries of the past that I no longer have have made me what I am today.
First result:
Advocate INFJ-A
Advocates are quiet visionaries, often serving as inspiring and tireless idealists.
62% introverted – Introverted individuals tend to prefer fewer, yet deep and meaningful, social interactions and often feel drawn to calmer environments.
Advocates (INFJs) may be the rarest personality type of all, but they certainly leave their mark on the world. Idealistic and principled, they aren’t content to coast through life – they want to stand up and make a difference. For Advocate personalities, success doesn’t come from money or status but from seeking fulfilment, helping others, and being a force for good in the world.
59% INTUITIVE
41% OBSERVANT
Intuitive individuals are very imaginative, open-minded, and curious. They value originality and focus on hidden meanings and distant possibilities.
47% THINKING
53% FEELING
Feeling individuals value emotional expression and sensitivity. They place a lot of importance on empathy, social harmony, and cooperation.
63% JUDGING
37% PROSPECTING
Judging individuals are decisive, thorough, and highly organized. They value clarity, predictability, and closure, preferring structure and planning to spontaneity.
71% ASSERTIVE
29% TURBULENT
Assertive individuals are self-assured, even-tempered, and resistant to stress. They refuse to worry too much and tend to be self-confident when striving to achieve goals.
I’m not going to disagree with these results but also can’t help feeling that they seem horoscopic in that the words are generalised to a point that they could apply to anyone.
Second result:
The Lively Center of Attention
Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who’s constantly in the centre of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who’ll always cheer them up and help them out.
This quiz was much less academic than the first. I can adapt the results to apply when it comes to dealing with my students but they don’t seem to equate much to the results of the first.
Ok, let’s try one more. This one is way more detailed.
Third result
Well, I took 10 minutes to answer 100 questions and at the end, the website wanted 20 dollars before giving me the results. Never mind.
What does that tell you about my personality? I’m a cheapskate and what some website thinks my personality might be isn’t that important to me.
No picture today once again but Hayden sent me this shot from his recent trip to Paris. I’m glad he’s getting to see a bit of the world.
This is a tiny tattoo A minimal gift to you Sent through space and time To land now on your eye
This is the written proof A document of truth Often forced into rhyme These words can never die
Today I’m feeling:
Much better again than yesterday but still not 100%. I’m hoping to get back to exercise next week and want to be physically capable.
Today I’m grateful for and the best thing about today was:
All the students at school who feel comfortable talking with me. It feels like more and more that students I don’t teach have heard that I’m friendly and approachable and as I’m often around the school rather than stuck in the teacher’s room I’m visible and available too.
Although many of my own students came to me today, many others that I don’t know did too. It’s also become more common for just random greetings from students passing by as well.
I know some teachers like to be seen to be in a traditional teachers’ room, friendly but somewhat aloof. I prefer to be in amongst the melee, near the action.
I don’t see any real difference between us; we are all students. I still have so much to learn and there’s no need to hide that fact from the other students around me.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Last night I got the message to go to Primary at 8.30 am to start interviewing students but when I got there they wondered why I was there as no one had told them that it had changed from the afternoon. When I went back to ask Kru Mai what was happening he said that the time had changed to 9am and that he’d forgotten to tell me!
And then in the middle of all this I experienced my first earthquake! Apparently I’ve been in earthquakes a couple of times before but I never knew. This time I knew. What a strange feeling. It reminded me a little of being on a floating jetty but it being in an inappropriate place because you’re standing on land! It was very brief, probably not even five seconds but by all accounts it registered 5.9 and the epicentre wasn’t that far away, perhaps within a couple of hundred kilometres.
Of course, the whole school of kids was frightened and excited but today was a big day for the grade 9s, as they too were being interviewed for their programs for their final three years.
Many students ran to me to help, reassure and comfort them but a couple had sudden bursts of tears as they were so stressed about it. I did my best for them but my old student, Apple, couldn’t control herself and was teary all throughout her interview. It doesn’t reflect her skills and ability to study, only her emotional control in a stressful situation. I hope she can still make it.
15th Feb 2024 – Happily, Apple made into the high school English program. As she is friends with Baipad I have been trying to meet them a little each day and give them more confidence with themselves and with English.
Something I learned today?
I read, studied and listened to a lot of varying things today but two minor pieces of information come to mind because this morning I learned that it was Jet’s birthday and in the afternoon I met her in the canteen to give her some candies that I bought.
Whilst doing this Funfai suddenly appeared. She’s like a ghost sometimes, just stands waiting until you notice her. I guess she’s thinking it’s more polite to not interrupt any conversation I’m having but at the same when I see her I have to interrupt the conversation myself anyway!
She told me that she will go to Chiang Mai on Monday for a tennis competition. Good luck FF!
What is the best gift I have ever recieved?
This question has me singing Cows ‘Gift of Life’ in my head. I need to listen to more Cows again. I had a Cows phase for a long while, back when living in Sydney and can remember clearly the environment of the apartment at the time and then when I consider this I realise that it is more than ten years ago!
I haven’t answered the question, I know. Maybe I will if I revisit this entry later.
No pictures today. This one is from a couple of weeks ago when I was up on garage roof.
Oh homeless man, the new waiter The undercover friend, the infiltrator TV celebrity, the idol musician The data points inform the position
Oh trendy barista, petulant child Enraged protestor, a traveller wild The service staff, the queuers waiting The data points accumulating
Oh gentle find, words so kind A bus conductor helping the blind Kissing the ugliest and prettiest face The data points fall into place
Oh fighting man, the bruise creator The best, and worst – lover, hater The times recalled of instant regret The data points are all being set
Oh husbands, wives, fathers and mothers Every conversation where meeting others Their influence felt without fail The data points tell their tale
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty rough in the morning but I knew as the day went on I would improve. My cough has gotten worse but the sore throat is almost gone.
After my only class in the morning, which went well enough considering, I’ve been running around getting documents copied, printed and pictures taken.
By the time I got home I was tired but not sleepy and if I had slept it would have been long and deep and then I wouldn’t sleep tonight. But that has left me a little deflated and unenthused.
I played guitar for a little while before stopping feeling a bit frustrated. Some days don’t feel right and I can accept that much better these days.
Today I’m grateful for:
The immigration officer who was sympathetic to my situation though unable to do anything to help. He was kind and friendly.
I’m also grateful to TLC to put together all my paperwork for my visa and dealing with immigration for me this time.
The best thing about today was:
The feeling of things getting done and finished by mid-afternoon, even though it’s not really completed yet. It was just satisfying that after the running around everyone said ‘ok, done’. Now wait for the next bit of running around.
Maybe I still have to do a border run to get another 30 days extension if this visa application through TLC isn’t ready in time but even that could at least be an interesting day out.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
A little frustratingly in my class this morning many students were having trouble recording audio on their phones due to permission settings.
I’m getting better at figuring out how to change their phones’ language setting to English so I can then figure out how to fix the app permissions. In the course of doing this on one girls phone though I found she had about 60 porn website pages open.
I wasn’t particularly bothered about the content just that there were so many pages open possibly draining her battery and taking up bandwidth so I started closing them. When she saw that I could see these pages she wanted to grab her phone but I told her not to worry, that it wasn’t important right then and I eventually fixed her settings for her.
When I got home I sent her a message to clean up her phone just in case another teacher or her family members might see.
I also told her that I understood that all the kids her age are curious about these things but wanted her to understand that pornography doesn’t represent what sex is really like and that it is acting.
I sent her a translated version so she could more easily understand and she soon replied, though just with a simple ‘ok’ so I’m not sure exactly how she might be feeling.
Sometimes when I see my 13-year-old female students I’m reminded about the book I read years ago about a poor Thai girl who sold her virginity at that age to an old white guy. It was sure a depressing story and I can’t imagine the desire that drives people to seek out youngsters in that way.
Yes, they are cute, curious, sexy and everything else but actually having sex…? It doesn’t make sense to me.
Something I learned today?
I learned that I have to go and interview the primary students in the morning tomorrow instead of the afternoon as originally planned. Who knows, it might still change again in the morning….
What is something positive happening in my life right now?
My attitude. Considering I’m stuffing around with visas yet again, maybe working without pay, dealing with naughty children constantly and many other little niggles that could accumulate to get me down I’m still surprisingly upbeat and positive.
I took this picture because Pat turned up late to my class the other day with her hair like this and I found it quite amazing. I think another couple of girls who were late had helped her. Well done, good job! I still marked them all late in the attendance system though.Fatman report
A little bit better than yesterday and better as the day goes on but still only at about 80%. My classes today were pretty straightforward so they didn’t stress me out too much.
Today I’m grateful for:
The parking guy at Makro who blew his whistle loudly for me to park and then took my trolley for me with more whistle-blowing. A happy whistleblower. I want a whistle too.
The best thing about today was:
Despite all the disappointing bits and pieces of news (other tidbits not mentioned here, minimal but adding up) today I’m not that bothered or annoyed. I’m here and have to just get in with sorting shit out.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
First, I got a message that I have to go and interview the P6 students to decide if they are suitable enough to come to junior high next semester. I did this before and it’s a waste of time but it’s easy enough for me to do and at least try to have some fun with some new students.
Second, Nancy called to tell me that as my work permit has been cancelled because of my visa that I won’t get paid! Ugh! The stupid systems here don’t make it easy for people to stay.
Something I learned today?
Nancy convinced me to do a non-B visa as it will resolve quicker so that I can get my work permit quicker and therefore get paid again. As part of that I have to supply a new resume. I updated it adding her company as TLC ‘English Teaching Agency’. She seemed to take umbrage at that description and advised it needs to say ‘Private School Outside System’! Ok, whatever. I know this is just some fancy wording that ticks the right boxes for the right people.
How do I want to be remembered?
It’s not something I have any control over so it’s not something to even think about. No doubt for every person who thinks nicely of me there will be as many dislike me. I’ll just keep being me and leave the memories of me to others.
I took this picture because I was only just found this note from Porpieng in a card she sent to me for my birthday. Her and her class stick long in my memory as being particularly able to be challenged to think and learn for themselves. Each successive class I’ve taught each year has diminished in capability, unfortunately.
The breeze blows through the open door -Outside whipping the trees –A glass of cold water waits —It is happiness pure and plain —-Mr Piano Man plays a song for me —-I’ve nowhere else to be —Using words to explain –That the world demonstrates -It will do as it may please The breeze blows through once more
Dizzy. Not unhappy or down just bothered by feeling sick. I ended up coming home after my first class as I was getting dizzier. I sent some instructions to my other two classes to complete some work for me this afternoon. I wonder if they will do it!
Today I’m grateful for:
Medicine that is helping my body fight this flu. David was telling me he thought he was getting sick but didn’t take any medicine just using natural remedies instead. Which is fine but everything is chemicals and the virus is natural too.
The best thing about today was:
Starting to feel better by late afternoon, at least until I move too fast. Then I feel dizzy again. I ended up doing a lot of Thai study today, getting back into the ThaiPod101.com learning. I’m considering paying for it again and pushing myself.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I got home I got into bed and setup with my laptop. Cap was scratching at the door so I decided to let him in for a change. But within a second of jumping on my bed he started peeing and when I smacked him he jumped over to Amy’s and started peeing there. Motherfucker! I quickly grabbed up everything and shoved it into the washing machine. So much for getting some rest. I’m in the living room now and maybe I’ll nap a little.
Something I learned today?
According to newly declassified documents, in 1992 the US government laid out plans for Asia never to be allowed to be ruled over by an Asian country. It must always remain under US control.
When was the last time I cried?
A lot of tears were shed immediately after Kim’s passing and still now when I think of her my eyes get wet, even as I’m writing this.
When do I feel most calm?
When I’m alone.
I took this picture because Baitong came good on her promise to paint me a picture from her imagination. Amy was impressed and wondered if she could pay her to paint a picture of our cats.
Run down and sick. I slept through most of yesterday and last night and feel like sleeping more. My sore throat has transformed to a sexy voice as my nose starts running causing me to cough and hack up phlegm. To top it all, I forced myself to eat this morning and more of my busted booth came loose. Really have to get back to the dentist soon. Needless to say, I’m not at school. I should go to the hospital but not looking forward to sitting around for a couple of hours just to get prescribed medicine I can get at the pharmacy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The staff at the hospital that made everything relatively smooth and pain-free. Just a bit of waiting around. A bunch of meds were prescribed all for 200 baht, about 8 Aussie bucks. I don’t not know how much the meds had to do with it but I started feeling a little better after getting back from the hospital.
The best thing about today was:
Still working a little with my students in the afternoon while waiting at the hospital. The work I give to my grade 8s is simple and repetitive just with a different text each week so I don’t actually need to even be there with them. Still, about ten students skipped doing anything, which is a shame.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I went out to Utopia and grabbed coffee but the bike wouldn’t start after and I had to wheel it down the road in the scorching heat, adding to my already-addled brain. After the guy in the shop got it running again I decided just to buy some medicine and go home and rest. Amy came back an hour or so later and berated me for not going to the hospital so here I am, already told it’s at least a one-hour wait. I’m handling it by sniffing, coughing and wondering if I’ll even be well enough to go to school tomorrow.
Something I learned today?
Thailand is introducing a Clean Air Act but has no real solutions to stop the yearly burning by farmers. Just ideas and suggestions. There is support online behind a 28-year-old doctor who is about to die from lung cancer but I can’t imagine anyone in government is going to do anything seriously to stop this annual event that is due to be worse and for longer this year.
What new hobby would I like to try?
It’s not new I guess but I really need to get on and make some music with the equipment I have. The problem is that I would have to drop some of the other things that I already like doing with my time.
No new pictures today so this is from last week. Kam, Amy and Praewa tiktokking for me.
Attention spans are….. Just ignore the…. This perversity is…. Can’t make it to the end of the….. It’s new glittery…. I’d rather be…. I want, I want, I want
The modern world wants….. You’ll be paying for…. Moving through…. Skip the….. Get to the point!
I’ve got better…. The state of the…. Boss level killer
Today I’m feeling:
A little sick from my sore throat. It’s spreading up into my head now. Back to bed.
Got up again at 4 pm, ate some food and feel like sleeping more.
Today I’m grateful for:
Not having to do anything important, allowing me to rest.
The best thing about today was:
Clearing out the old bottles and cardboard from the garage. We got 160 baht for our trouble.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Skipping learning today as too tired and feeling groggy. Never mind. In the big scheme of things, this is just a minor blip.
Something I learned today?
I got about 20 minutes into a documentary about the fall of the Mayan Empire before feeling like coming back to bed before 7 pm. I learned a little about the guy who burned all their books and ironically it was his written records that allowed historians to try to piece the language back together again.
Here’s a picture from yesterday of the flowers on the giant asparagus.
It’s a labour of love, not big dreams But about what being human means Sticking a dollar in the cup, passing through This is all a gift from me to you And back again, that’s our reflection Open to each other’s introspection In for a penny, in for a pound Let’s pass the bucket of life around
Today I’m feeling:
A good vibe. This morning is not too hot. I lazily prepared for the day by rolling back and forth in bed due to stiffness finally getting up and mosying along to Utopia for a delicious throat-soothing coffee. Art told me about his ride to Doi Ang Chang and it looks like a great ride so I messaged Bruno to plan to go there next weekend.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s dad feeling good enough to come out to Central and eat at the seafood restaurant there, where we treated him for his birthday, Amy’s mum for selling her apartments and Nong Aun (Amy’s brother’s girlfriend) for getting a job as a teacher here.
The best thing about today was:
The first coffee was pretty spot on. Meeting Baipad’s mum, sister and three super cute cats was fun.
The fish speciality at Laem Charoen was delicious for lunch. The afternoon and evening are a relaxing chill-out. It’s been a good day.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My sore throat was getting me down a little at times today but I finally got to rest a little for an hour or so after lunch and it’s improved a little since taking some medicine. I dealt with it by soldiering on and despite feeling a little grumpy I don’t think it showed that much.
Something I learned today?
A theory behind renewed conflict in the Middle East is to cut off oil to China. A terrorist attack is said to be rumoured on US soil that will trigger them into war with Iran.
This whole ridiculous idea seems more likely every day. The US is putting all its pieces into play in preparation. The US is isolating itself more and more from the rest of the world and the rest of the world is looking forward to its downfall.
Whilst people were scoffing at the idea of the end of the Empire last year, this view is now going mainstream.
What’s on my mind right now?
This morning I will go and meet my student Baipad and her mum to introduce myself as her teacher. She lives in our village and since opening up to me about her struggles with being bullied in primary school and her father passing away a few years ago I’ve tried to encourage and support her. As she lives close by I suggested that once a week I can bring her home from school and hopefully introduce her to Amy so she can pick up on some confidence-building skills and keep up her English, which she is pretty good at in general.
I took this picture this morning because this oversized asparagus-looking plant is so big that I had to wide angle the shot to get it all in the picture. The multiple mini flowers are cute though not the spectacle-worthy of a stalk growth of this size.
1994ever 