Month: November 2023

Chemo Kimo – 10th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hooked up to the slowly beeping machine
Waiting for the best result
Otherwise, it is time

image from https://www.cdc.gov/cancer/preventinfections/patients.htm

15th Jun 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good and positive but have a little bit of a sore throat which hopefully doesn’t develop further. This morning though it’s hella hot and humid and most of the booths for the Open House are out in the sun and students are dripping sweat from their faces and I’ve sought refuge at House for a couple of hours.

Today I’m grateful for:

The Hokkaido milk ice cream waiting in the new freezer for a refreshing afternoon treat in this dripping melting heat.

The best thing about today was:

The afternoon concert finale to the school Open House when the students let themselves go a little and got a friendly teenage mosh pit going to their favourite songs and as I tried to encourage my shy students to join, my more outgoing students tried to drag me in to join them too. It was an excellent afternoon of happiness and joy.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The ferocious mosquitos as the sun sets are a reminder that not everything is great in this paradise. Just as the sun goes down the temperature becomes perfect to enjoy being outside (getting some gardening done, enjoying a meal or just relaxing in a hammock) and all is well and good except for those blood-sucking critters. They do settle down a little about an hour after sunset but they still lurk.

I handled them by acceptance and wildly flailing my arms whilst I was hosing down the bricks outside the kitchen. I came back inside covered in red welts and hope that they fed themselves so fat on my blood that they were too drunk to fly.

Something I learned today?

At breakfast, I learned a little about the post-Beats, the Barbarian Poets and read a cool poem by Julia Vinograd called ‘For The Cafe Babar Poetry Reading’. Later I read about why space telescopes are stationed at the Lagrange point, L2, to block sunlight and orbit at the same speed as Earth due to gravitational pull.

Imagine three things that could go wrong in the next 24 hours.

  • I could be seriously injured in a car or motorbike crash.
  • I could be fired from my job.
  • Amy’s grandmum could pass away.

Being seriously injured would certainly be a drag here in Thailand. If I was conscious I would request to be taken to Bangkok Hospital as I believe the care there would be superior though the cost would match too. There are cheaper options but it’s better not to scrimp when it comes to health. I would hope to get some reading in during a recovery period!

Getting fired would also be a drag of course as I’m really enjoying what I’m doing these days. I think if I couldn’t find another job teaching junior/high school here I would give up and help Amy figure out what we could do here at home.

Amy’s grandmum passing away is likely to happen soon and I can see Amy is already mentally preparing for it. She talked about how her grandmum helped her when she was little and she’s upset to see her confined to a bed and slowly withering away.

This text is a mental preparation for possible futures. Best to be ready for what the world throws at you.

Nong Fern took this action shot because she and her classmates wanted me to dance with them.

Said And Done – 9th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I’ve no comment on what I remember
The past is done and gone
I don’t understand where I am now
It’s not where I belong

And everything that was said
Never made a difference anyway
But at least I felt better
That I had something to say

A thousand slogans were chanted
Marching fists into the air rose
When everything was said and done
Still here the jungle grows

Today I’m feeling:

Happy after a positive day yesterday. With no classes again this morning I could just enjoy the first couple of hours of the Open House entertainment and all the stalls and I actually thought it was good and well done. I realise that I have changed my thoughts and feelings about some things and can see them in a more positive light.

Today I’m grateful for:

My old favourite student Cake, who is now in grade 9 and studying science to become a doctor in the future. She was a favoured student because she always had a positive attitude. She was already reading heavy science books when she was in grade 6.

Today she was managing a booth for her science program and I asked her to tell me all about it. At first, she was worried because she said her English was not as good as it used to be but after a brief consideration she said ‘Ok, let me try!’ and she did, very well.

The booth has the same things every year and I recognised it all from before but I let her do the spiel,  including about different teas and their properties after I asked which was good for a headache. She told me and gave me a free teabag to try, which I will sometime when I remember to bring it in from the car.

The best thing about today was:

Only having to be around for a couple of hours this morning and not teaching. Again the kids were all in a great mood and there was a good vibe among everyone. I was tempted to stay longer because I was having such a good time but Amy and I went off to buy a fridge and a fan and we now have a drinks fridge and bar area in the dining room.

Amy is happily making the house into the way she wants to make her feel comfortable. Things are good now but how will they be when the burning starts again and things start to annoy and upset her more. I’m still hopeful she can fill her time with things to take her mind off it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Not a big surprise but I’d been waiting to be paid by TLC and sent a message to my boss who replied that she forgot to tell me that the school deducted my payment as I missed some days last month for my travel. I doubt that very much but like I said it’s not a big surprise really.

Something I learned today?

Today was Kru Jern’s 33rd birthday and after finding out I quickly ran to the cafe to buy a piece of cake for her.

Write about a song that always comforts and understands you.

Most of the songs stuck in my memory were not through comfort and understanding but through depression and perceived adversity. I distinctly remember playing the shit out of the Descendents ‘All’ album and The Dicks ‘These People’ album when trying to deal with the trauma of my first dumping. In a weird way they were my comfort.

There’s many songs that give me goosebumps and maybe Volcano Suns Room With A View understands me. ‘All I want is a second or two to collect my thoughts about you…I sit for hours on end, for hours on end…’

Kru Jern took this picture because Kru Ren and I are both playing dress up here. He is a video game character that I’ve never heard of and I am dressed up as a teacher.

Influence – 8th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Shoving in doughnuts
Pooping out rocks
Here lies the slovenly
Unable to put on socks

Ten gallons of soda
Living life liver-free
Stuck on the sofa
In front of the TV

Making friends with strangers
Fat thumbs on the phone
Influencing the influencers
Relatively unknown

Shopping in comfort
From the living room
Like a faulty product
Due to expire soon

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but improved in general. I could’ve slept more but got going with exercise and breakfast. My morning class I decided to cancel as students are preparing for an Open House event over the coming two days. Not what I had planned but I’m much more accepting and able to adapt more easily these days. I quickly planned a separate lesson for my afternoon class that they could easily do in the canteen and it went well compared to yesterday and everyone seemed to enjoy it, perhaps because it mostly involved drawing rather than writing.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to find the nozzle for the high-pressure hose that I borrowed from Bruno on Lazada. It arrived today and now the hose works incredibly well, even cutting through the concrete if set too fine!

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying having fun with students all day long even as they were preparing things, studying, learning, chatting or playing. Everyone was in a good mood it seemed.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The whole day at school was out of control as kids were busy everywhere doing things and making a mess. In classrooms, in hallways, in the canteen, library and playground. I went with it and had a great time. I met some of my grade 8 students in the canteen whilst I was taking care of the grade 7 class there in the afternoon and they told me that Teacher David was sad. I’m not quite sure what they meant but I can imagine that he is a bit frustrated with not being able to teach in the way that he’s used to.

Something I learned today?

Kru Fluke is leaving our team to go and take her turn working up in the mountains. It’s a shame as she is one of the teachers who actually makes an effort to engage despite having poor English herself.

How do I usually handle my emotions and feelings?

In some ways, I have managed to suppress strong emotions much of the time so that I am able to deal with events more reflectively. I am still afraid that I could overreact at some point. I don’t repress my emotions or feelings but let them play out with less stress and anxiety. In general, I have fewer cares and fewer worries. I guess I always had fewer cares and worries but exaggerated their importance before.

I took this picture because I walked around the corner to find my old class of students sitting here like this. They were waiting for a teacher to give them some items to help make decorations for tomorrow. They weren’t particularly enthused to do this but were excited not to be studying!

8th Feb 2024 – These kids are grade 9 – mostly 14-15 years old. Can I remember their names? I only taught them for one semester and that was last year now.
?, Piano, August (the dancing, singing…), Art (I taught him occasionally in Primary), Fill (whom I taught in Primary), Chompoo (likewise occasionally taught in Primary), Stang, Phoom, NongNong (formerly Sunwa), Pat, Gear, Levi, Beena, Proud, Mangkron (who wants to be a farmer), Nice (taught in Primary), Leo, (? – this kid rarely came to class), Pon, Chokun (taught in Primary), Baitoey, (? – I should know her name as I talk with her almost every morning) and Earn. Missing are Yok, Ice and another boy whom I can picture but can’t name!

I Was A Ghost, But I Was Real – 7th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 15 Comments

When I was a ghost, my eyes were never met
Unknown, unspoken, unseen, unheard
There I stood, three monkies wiser
Until hearing the whisper of the magic word

A name on a page, a name in lights
Is that me, is this real?
Does a grain of sand on life’s beach
Really understand what the ocean might feel?

You can see me and I can feel you
Alone but never lonely, loneliness lost
Spaces filled with words and chatter
To balance it all comes at a cost

Tides are changing, shores are filling
Days and nights are both illuminating
The stories brought here remind me
Of the sandcastles we’re all creating

Inspired, borrowed, and butchered from this post at Spinning Visions (yet again!)

13th Jun 2024 – Shared with dVerse – liminal
31st Oct 2024 – Shared with What’s Going On – ghosts

Today I’m feeling:

Better than yesterday though still not quite awake, I feel. I had fun with all the kids at the flag ceremony this morning but need this first coffee for my first class.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the people who handled the parcel of records that got delivered safe and sound to me today from Turkey. 

The best thing about today was:

Spending time and effort with one one-on-one reading with my grade 8 students. Both yesterday and today’s classes are a challenge and I think it is beneficial to spend even just five minutes one one-on-one as often as possible. I can only do this with about 6 or 7 students per one two-hour class though.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My final class of grade 7s was disrupted somewhat as one student told me that a few of them were supposed to go for football practice. I told them that they could go when they finished their work but unfortunately they struggled with the work and then as it rolled past the time they asked to leave they struggled with their attitude. Many students ended up 20 minutes late for their vans as I wouldn’t let them go unless they at least attempted the work.

The kids don’t know how to help themselves and the other classmates that understand are reluctant to help now as their kindness has worn thin. The students that slacked last semester will struggle this semester as I ask them to think more about their own ideas, beliefs and feelings. Things that they can’t ask the answers from other students.

I managed to remain mostly patient throughout all this. Mostly.

Something I learned today?

I just realised that the candy I’m eating right now have little tidbits of information on them and so I just learned that crocodiles can’t stick their tongues out. Fairly useless information for 99.5% of people on Earth but there we are. I learned that today.

If I could change one thing about my life, what would it be?

I can imagine that this would be something ridiculous like not having to sleep or being able to party without hangovers! Or not die until I’m ready!

Or that I still had youthful boundless energy.

If I could change one thing about my life I would have done it already.

Which side of the bed do you sleep on?

It seems that I am always the one closest to the door so that if anyone ever breaks in to try and kill us they will go for me first. I don’t know if this is a subliminal thing on Amy’s behalf or why that makes her comfortable but it doesn’t bother me. I can sleep on any side of any bed so long as it is comfortable.

Right now we each sleep in the middle of our own King-sized beds which is both ridiculous and amazing.

I took this picture because this old boy was waiting for me to finish exercising so he could eat. Tigger wasn’t far away either. I didn’t feed them as Amy wants to do it ‘her way’ which I know is just to get their affections! I noticed that by this evening both cats are no longer looking at me with expectation but at Amy instead!

Getting Out – 6th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The world is trapped behind glass
A zoo of drunken circus chimps
We look up to others to ask
Just what is this wonder we may only glimpse?

Maybe this spectacle isn’t real?
How can something be so shiny and pretty?
When the glass shatters we feel
That the chimps are less deserving of pity

Running amok, all over our dreams
The promises now grown more distant
Nothing now is what it seems
And that nagging becomes more insistent

Inspired by the second part of this post at Spinning Visions
11th Oct 2024 – Shared with the Ragtag Daily Prompt – zoo

Today I’m feeling:

Still dizzy. Even dizzy during my poor sleep last night as my body aches made me uncomfortable. Wondering how serious this might be. But I still pushed through morning exercise hoping that that may get me going. Not quite. Will see how I fair today.

Today I’m grateful for:

Funfai bringing me a food gift. Unfortunately it was pork so I had to return it though I made sure she knew I was grateful. 

The best thing about today was:

Finally feeling better by the afternoon after sinking a cup of water with electrolytes. I’m not 100% yet but at least I don’t feel as if I might fall over now.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My first class this morning was a bit of a test for me and I almost lost it but I think the kids sensed it and were unusually quiet for a little while which softened me a little. I also recalled a daily reminder I have set – “Be grateful for what you have, for it is a gift that can be taken away at any moment.”

Something I learned today?

Some musicians I have worked with in Germany before are rushing to release a compilation to benefit women struggling through the war in Gaza. There are only four days to submit and I don’t think anyone I know would be able to commit to that. But in an effort to be useful, I passed the message on to the current folks I’ve been working with on the Jorando Del Muerto release.

Who is the wisest person I know?

I keep seeing this prompt and thinking it says who is the worst person you know!

The wisest….?

Even people I admire I don’t consider all-wise, all-knowing. Everyone has their foibles. And everyone has some wisdom. Take the best from people so that you can learn. Try everything until you figure it out for yourself.

How am I different than I was a year ago?

Change seems slow until you look back from further in the future. I don’t feel as if I’ve changed much at all in the last twelve months. I can see very minor improvements when I look back at diary entries and think to myself ‘Oh yeah, I remember doing that’ and then making decisions about where to go from there.

Answering this question for five or ten years ago would be much easier to analyse.

How am I stepping outside my comfort zone?

I’m not doing this too much these days but I can think that forcing myself to exercise is outside my comfort zone even though I’ve been doing it regularly for a couple of years now. I’ve been taking cold showers since about March and still going at the moment, testing myself to see how far I can make it into winter. I will go and play tennis with Funfai once a week, just for thirty minutes, despite my aching old bones. I’m still not often comfortable in the classroom either. I’m still learning everything.

There I Was And Here I Am – 5th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I never had no glamour in the city
No Gatsby hotels to wine away my youth
My world was dull grey and polished shitty
But neither place could contain all the truth

No sparkling floors can hide the vomit
From the mouths of the rich or poor
The eyes of men try to put the girls on it
As they rush on through the bathroom door

Living life is never not strange
There’s always a way from here to there
There’s only trouble not accepting the change
That a new you is just waiting to share

Inspired by the first half of this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

Tired again after my adventures yesterday with tree cutting. My body is aching and I’m a little dizzy and slow this morning. However, still feeling positive enough. The day is mine.

(later) Well, the day involved a three-hour exhaustion nap from which I woke up even more dizzy. I’m not up to much today.

Today I’m grateful for:

Discovering three sticks of Miang Kam in the fridge which I’d forgotten about. Amy bought them last night for me.

The best thing about today was:

Not being particularly worried or bothered about anything. Really, nothing much happened today and I’m just enjoying wallowing in our nice clean today house.

Something I learned today?

For the I-don’t-know-many-times, the resolution raised at the UN to lift sanctions on Cuba was voted for by all but two countries, the USA and Israel. I may not have a clear picture but it feels like the world has had enough of American imperialism and world policing.

I took this picture because P’ti was looking like a boss this morning.

Travesty – 4th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s thunderstorms in the desert
Rainforest rivers are running dry
Heading in the wrong direction
While potential joys are passing by

Money makes the mind numb
To the monotony of many a day
Adventures await around corners
If the mental devils are kept at bay

A royal life seems so appealing
Yet remains the want for more
The clock of life is ticking
But cannot divine what lies in store

inspired by this post at She Trucks A Lot

Today I’m feeling:

Super tired. I was even super tired in my dream! I kept thinking I was going to fall asleep in my dream! I rolled around and stretched myself for a good long while before getting up this morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

The assistant at Mega Home who tried to clean out the hose nozzle of Bruno’s high-pressure hose machine and successfully managed to dislodge a tiny stone that was blocking it. Unfortunately there seems to be more stuff stuck inside blocking it and I’ve had to order a new one online. Hopefully that all the problem is.

The best thing about today was:

Cutting some big branches off our trees as I suddenly got it into my head after investigating what was making noises on the roof. Birds were bathing in water trapped in the gutter and vines were spreading all over as they had attached themselves to the dirt trapped there in the debris of leaves held in place by the tree branches.

I hacked about four or five of them down and dragged them off the roof and artlessly dumped them over the fence. By this time I was completely covered in dirt, dust, mould and ants. My muscles are aching and body scratched and bruised but I had a good time!

Something I learned today?

People laugh when they don’t know what is coming next. Surprised and happy at a new interesting thought injected into the conversation or action. 

I think I don’t laugh so much because life has become fairly obvious over time. At least when it comes to being around adults. Kids make me laugh all the time because they can still be wildly unpredictable. 

And none of this means that I’m not happy or even that I don’t find things funny. 

Good comedians make me laugh. For me they are becoming rarer but that is perhaps connected with growing older and not fully immersed into the cultural zeitgeist they are coming from.

I took this picture because these branches took some mighty effort to be pulled down from the garage roof and dragged across the garden and deposited over the fence. I got a good workout doing that.

Time To Leave – 3rd November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

It’s time to leave, time to live
The tough have already got going
The soft remain inactive
But deep down already knowing

It’s time to go, time to be gone
Let the waste remain in this place
Time is forever marching on
And taking up so much space

The magnetic pull unwavering
Stick the cynics in the bin
Tomorrow is not worth savouring
If the journey doesn’t begin

Once again, inspired by this post at Spinning Visions. I am usually inspired by things I see, hear and read (more than conjuring things from the depths of my brain – at least, these days) and I’m catching up on reading Makenna’s journey via her blog.

9th Jun 2024 – Shared with dVerse OLN #363
20th Oct 2024 – Shared with Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – magnetic

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and content. I’m so happy that Amy is back and made our house back into a home again. Everything is clean and tidy! It’s not that I’m terribly messy and dirty but my standard and its importance is lower.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Jern for fixing up some things in the class attendance system for me. It’s important to have a good connection with some co-teachers because sometimes there are things that need to be done that I can’t do by myself.

The best thing about today was:

Unprompted, Kru David commented positively on my new Monotone trousers today. It’s nice to hear that though I never would expect that about my trousers as they are relatively plain when compared to some of the shirts I wear!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I have a smart kid in one class (Kwang) who suffers from a lack of direction and absent parents. She’s smart enough to avoid working hard and avoid getting in too much trouble. 

This week she explained that her phone touchscreen is broken and that she can’t do my work whilst in class but promised that she would do it at home in the evening, which she then didn’t do.  

As I have two old spare phones I figured I would donate one to her so she could do my work in class. I struggled to remember to find it this morning but in the end, I picked it up and found the charging cable too.

I waited for the homeroom teacher to appear in the morning and told her of my idea which she thought was a good solution. However, Kwang’s grandparents sent a message that morning that she wouldn’t be in school today! 

I left the phone with the homeroom teacher as Kwang will likely show more respect for receiving it from her than from me.

Something I learned today?

Of course, surely, I learned many things today but they all seem relatively minor and inconsequential as I try to summon them here to write. 

Name five ways you are quite difficult to deal with?

 I still have a childish reaction to being told what to do and how to do things sometimes, even when offered in good faith and it being a better solution than what I’m trying.

I enjoy things that most people don’t and I detest many things that others seem to enjoy. I’ve softened somewhat over the years and can bear small amounts of detestability. In general, this revolves around entertainment such as music and movies mostly.

I’m happy to be by myself and don’t need much interaction to be satisfied. It’s not that I don’t like people, I really do. It’s more that I don’t find a large percentage particularly interesting and I often don’t feel like investing the time to go deep with them. Others though, will appear that immediately interest me. I can wait for them to show up.

I still sometimes struggle with changing tack after I’ve invested time and effort into the direction I’ve been going. Working in Thailand has definitely made me improve myself with this as changes can manifest with little warning.

In the past, I was quite contrarian, in connection with point 1 here. However, I would say that I am not at all outwardly like that these days, though the thoughts are still entertained internally!

I took this picture because this is an accurate reflection of my place in this world. At the walls of my palace sit the beasts and the jungle.

Behind The Scenes – 2nd November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When a lie is all you have
You might as well believe it
The past has been corrupted
So you no longer conceive it

When reality is so messy
It’s wasted time to keep in line
The truth is no longer in view
But a vision of a new design

First two lines lifted, and the rest inspired by this post at Spinning Visions (and also connected to yesterday’s poem about photographs)

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy though I slumped a little in the afternoon after getting home. My Thursdays now are my easy day with just two hours of teaching in the morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

Bruno lending me his high-pressure hose to clean the mould off the paths around our house. It worked for a while but I think maybe some ants were in our hose and maybe have blocked up the nozzle somehow. I hope I didn’t break it!

The best thing about today was:

Listening to the David Kleiler interview where he gushes in the same way I do about Mission of Burma and Volcano Suns. I think he’s right when says Peter Prescott is a true artist and the show hosts also put Roger Miller in that category.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At 7.30 pm I was trying to watch a video but Amy kept making calls so I paused so she could listen easily and because I have trouble hearing when there is other noise too. After she finished I started watching again but then she started asking me questions about things. I didn’t get frustrated but turned the TV off as it just wasn’t the right time to watch. I started to feel very tired then and got into bed shortly thereafter. The first work week and return to exercising is wearing me down so I’m looking forward to the weekend.

What am I looking forward to this month?

I look forward to what every day brings me. I don’t have any specific idea of what I might look forward to. 

The weather is nice so a bike ride might happen this month, but if it doesn’t, that’s ok too. 

I look forward to continuing with things I enjoy such as reading and playing guitar, teaching and having fun with my students.

Art took this picture because he said I looked good sat here. After seeing the picture I commented that I look tired. And old. 

Photographs – 1st November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

No longer memories in a desert
That night of drunken play
Lost to the pictured word
That claims all that happened that day

Today I’m feeling:

Anxious and excited as classroom days resume. The fun, the fighting, the lessons we all learn.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding two useful textbooks in the teacher’s room which I immediately turned one part of the text into a lesson that I used for the grade 7 class. I figured it would be pretty easy revision and just take an hour but they managed to stretch it to two with lots of faffing around.

The best thing about today was:

Listening to the You Don’t Know Mojack podcast about the Volcano Suns album ‘Thing of Beauty’ on the way home from work and then in the evening playing guitar along to a couple of tunes from it. Love that band.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

A couple of my grade 7 students were a little temperamental in my class this afternoon and tested my patience a lot. It’s early days as we all get used to each other again and instead of getting too bothered, I tried to find other solutions to get them back in line.

Something I learned today?

I read about the China-Laos rail line that crosses the border in Laos at a place called Botan. The crossing in 1993 was little more than a single iron bar gate but now lots of investment has grown the city rapidly. Despite the economic slowdown and the pandemic’s effect on travel, Laotians are hoping that this is a springboard to a better future.

List three goals for this month.

Renew my tourist visa. This is a must!

Get back to the exercise routine I had before the holiday.

Get back to around 80kg again, whilst improving my fitness.

Nam took this picture because the class insisted on a photo with everyone showing off the koala souvenirs I gifted to them.