The year went by again Once around the sun And everything remained the same With the exception of one
In this world of déjà vu Everything has all been done The only difference is you You’re the exception
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed and lazy. I seem to have fallen right into the holiday mood. After coffee this morning, where Boss made an appearance and I was able to wish him well for his business adventure, I watched football until lunchtime and then after lunch played Fallout 4 until it was time to leave for New Year’s Eve dinner at Amy’s parents.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Mini Big C at the Caltex on the way to dinner, where I ran in, in need of a snack due to dizziness and picked up a sushi triangle, a banana and a Snickers, all reduced in price so it only cost me 34 baht.
The best thing about today was:
Playing Fallout 4 without worrying about wasting time. It’s a very enjoyable distraction that I don’t usually treat myself to. I still have lots of old games from years ago that I haven’t tried to play yet. I figure there might be time…
Something I learned today?
‘Unconfirmed’ reports indicate that lots of weapons found in Gaza are Chinese. Well, how convenient! Twenty-twenty-four, or Twenty-twenty-war? Zoom.
I feel some consolation that fewer people are falling for Western propaganda these days.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Designated driver tonight.
I helped lay the table as others prepared food. Everyone understands my capabilities!
I took this picture because Cap came and sat on my T-shirt whilst I was playing Xbox. We looked everywhere for Tigger this afternoon and he had managed to sneak into the walk-in wardrobe and curl up in a box.
Perhaps I was a president Making difficult decisions A surgeon with a scalpel Making precise incisions Maybe I was a singer Adored by many millions Or a famous architect Designing high pavillions
I used to be somebody And now that I’m not I’m just another nobody That everyone forgot
Today I’m feeling:
Lazy and relaxed today. Still a little numb from the whisky on Thursday but not bothered by the lethargy it has induced today as I was yesterday. I thought that I might read and play guitar today but have managed to do neither.
Today I’m grateful for:
Boss at Utopia for making me my final coffees that he will make for me as this is his last day before he leaves for Lampang to start his own shop.
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying playing games on Xbox and though being aware of it wasting time it felt like a reasonable trade-off today.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
There is some family drama going on that I won’t go into detail about here but it may make our New Year’s Eve at Mum’s a little awkward depending on who is there. A culmination of events and bad timing have brought about this drama which feels to me somewhat typically Thai. Amy and I are both on the same page and we are pretty much just bystanders wondering how things will unfold.
Something I learned today?
Thailand is looking to fast-track the high-speed rail from Laos to Bangkok, as well as the land bridge between the Andaman and Indian oceans. The USA is very unhappy with China’s involvement in these projects and will obviously try to disrupt them through one means or another.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I waited around for a few minutes to wish Boss at Utopia all the best for the future but he was in the toilet for so long that I decided to leave, with the thought that I might return later in the day but unfortunately, I didn’t. Was this a good deed that turned vile?
I took this picture on Wednesday because this kitty, as with all little Thai gingers, reminded me of Kim. This was about as close as I could get though as it was too shy to get closer.
Why is the way the way it is? Blue corner white, red corner black The fighting cocks duke it out With their Gods at their back
All the knowledge the child digests Unquestioned and never put to test Makes the world the way it is And unlikely to ever be at rest
Today I’m feeling:
Lazy and a little uninspired. Last night Amy went to stay at her mum’s and it was cold enough to enjoy a whisky and I ended up finishing off what was left of the two bottles here. I didn’t feel too drunk but also didn’t feel great this morning either. The pleasure wasn’t worth it.
Today I’m grateful for:
The TV and Xbox for keeping my sore brain busy today.
The best thing about today was:
Lard Na for brunch. Healthy and delicious and got rid of my minor hangover.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Last night I went to bed at about 11 and noticed a missed call from Amy. As she had told me that she was staying at her mum’s house I figured she was just calling to say good night so I didn’t call back.
At some point during the night she called again but it was all a bit of a blur though I could remember something about helping her today at 8 am because she had been pulled over at a checkpoint. I immediately got back to sleep and my usual 6 am alarm annoyingly woke me up. Then I noticed Amy in her bed and she said, one more hour, to which I agreed. Even though I was confused at what she was doing here I easily slept again until 7 and the reset alarm.
We both hazily got up without talking much and eventually headed to the police station in the city.
Apparently Amy was out with friends last night and then went to meet Aun at Tawandang and as she was leaving there at around 2am she got pulled over at a police checkpoint and breathalysed. In typical Thai style, they told her that she should check the local websites before driving so that she can avoid checkpoints! And after they told her to come to the station in the morning they just let her drive off again!
Anyway, at the station she signed some papers and was told to come back again at 10 to go to court. As we didn’t know how long all this was going to take, she dropped me back home first.
Something I learned today?
In the court Amy accepted a 5000 baht fine and has to do some kind of community service, also reporting back to an office somewhere three times and if she’s found to have done anything else wrong she could face 7 days in jail!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Taking Amy into the city in the morning, though I’m not sure why I was needed except I was happy to provide moral support.
Fah took this picture yesterday with Jet on the left and Mai on the right. I like these kids and their group of friends (Lin, Noah, Gina, Guitar and Poom). No new pictures today.
Great. Last day before five days off. Pushed through arm and chest exercises this morning that really tested my endurance. My muscles ache and feel good.
Happy to be at school amongst all the happy kids, though many have skipped today after all the excitement of sports day yesterday.
I left pretty quickly to sit and catch up with coffee. Enjoying being here but also want to get back to the party atmosphere. Everything is easy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The lady who served me in the 7/11 this morning. It’s a job, someone has to do it and she did her job. Thank you.
The best thing about today was:
Everything. It’s been a really nice day.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Yesterday I appropriated Fah’s phone whilst she was in the stands and I wandered off taking multiple random photos just to fill up her phone. I gave it back after ten minutes or so and she shook her head at all the pictures now on her phone.
So today, to let her get me back I unlocked my phone and gave it to her whilst I was playing volleyball with her friends. I got it back about 15 minutes later and forgot about it until I got home.
I’ve just spent the last 30 minutes scrolling through 100s of photos, deleting half, considering the rest and wondering what to do with them all. There are some nice shots in there, though many were just of Fah, Jet and Mai messing around pulling faces and not many of me and the ones of me make me look old, which I am (but don’t want to be!).
Phone cameras are so good these days that it’s easy to zoom in and see every line, wrinkle or sag on the skin!
Something I learned today?
Australia is wider than the moon, with a diameter from east to west of almost 4000km! But this is only when considering diameter and not land area. If you flattened the moon out it would actually be wider.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I spent 100 baht (of my last 700 baht in the bank) on some wafer snacks for my students’ Christmas party today. I personally handed them out to everyone and wished them a Merry Christmas.
After getting home I let Amy take a nap and took myself off to my room so that she wasn’t disturbed.
As I was walking around the school I caught up with Baipad, Jan and Apple twice and Baipad was sleeping both times. The second time I dragged her up for a walk and sat down elsewhere to talk with her one-on-one.
She’s a sweet introverted kid who is resisting the responsibilities of growing up. I gave her words of encouragement and sent her back to her friends, and probably more sleep.
How did my relationships change this year?
My relationships this year have been 90% with my students and 10% with anyone else. My relationship with my students evolves over the course of the year.
The kids I taught at the beginning of the year I don’t teach so often now and we have all relaxed into a happy friendly environment in classes.
With the new students I got in May we have all gotten to know each other to varying degrees in that time. These are the relationships I value highly these days.
My relationship with Amy changed slightly again this year as she returned to Chiang Rai from Australia.
In most ways, we are back to what we were before she left. We and our relationship with each other is very familiar. It’s not boring but sometimes predictable. That is somewhat of a comfort for me at this stage in my life.
I think it is also for Amy but she still has the energy to consider going off and doing things and perhaps still looking to the future. It’s not contentious for either of us, just a matter of fact of the different stages of our lives.
She’s forever standing next to me Begging me with bitter sad smiles Everywhere I turn, the memory Kept as treasure in my mind’s files
She’s out there still, ten thousand miles away Taunting me with her continued silence I only wish that there was something to say To return her back to this lonely island
Some parade photos. Students and teachers had been at school all night preparing costumes and make-up. What a palaver, my mum would say.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good and looking forward to the sports day event so that when I got to school I surveyed the parade for all my students, many of whom were difficult to spot as they were dressed up so fancily that I couldn’t recognise them at all!
I slept badly because of my aching shoulder and woke many times laying on my back and when Amy didn’t stir after I exercised I shook her foot and she complained of lack of sleep too due to my snoring. It’s possible the exercises I’m doing are aggravating my shoulder too much and it is not recovering from whatever stress or strain that I have given it.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kwang, Premier and Program again. I spotted them in the parade and they grabbed me and insisted I walk with them which I did for a little while. As Premier and Program let go, Kwang still held on and out of the blue said quietly ‘I miss my dad.’ Sigh.
The best thing about today was:
The feeling of excitement and happiness in the whole school celebrating sports day. In the past, I’ve usually left after an hour or so and gone home but this time, with an hour and a half break at House I stayed until around 2.15pm.
I was on my way to leave at around midday but got sucked back into staying and ended up trying to find Funfai whilst other students dragged me around to watch all the team’s cheerleader routines, partly because I had an umbrella they could shelter under.
Something I learned today?
Listening to the You Don’t Know Mojack podcast today, they were interviewing Chris Shary who is an artist that works with The Descendents and All. What was interesting was how he was a high schooler in Ipswich, UK and hung around with the Stupids, even singing with them near the end of their run. Pretty much useless information but of a little interest to me in discovering more about how everything is interconnected in our little weird music world.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Congratulating everyone who had dressed up for the day. Encouraging others to cheer and do their best in their competitions. Commiserating with the few who were bored or cold whilst waiting for things to get going.
What was the biggest risk I took this year?
Lending $1600 to Ad Interim so that they could get their album made. I only knew Max through acquaintance but I liked the band’s music and made the deal for repayment within 12 months and he was good enough to get it paid off within three or four months. I’m happy to work with people like this. I can’t offer a lot when it comes to marketing and distribution but can at least support artists with funds for production.
Do you think that most people are doing the best they can?
I borrowed this question from The Red Hand Files where Nick Cave simply replied with the answer ‘No’ which surprised me a little and made me consider why he replied that way.
Even though it seems that there is only tragedy in the world and so many bad people acting in bad ways when I look around my own personal environment I believe most people are doing the best they can.
We can all do better, and all try harder, I guess (maybe that is why Nick Cave answered no to the question) but here, for many people, they are still struggling to get by.
Maybe it’s the difference between living in a first-world country and a third-world one. Maybe in a first-world one, we expect more of each other and in the third-world folks are doing the best they can in the circumstances.
Bebe took this picture because she grabbed my phone and I just let her take as many pictures as she wanted. I like this one the best because Baibua has a big smile which she doesn’t usually show for me. Namfon, in the middle, has become a favourite student of mine because although we both know she may never be good at English she will now try her best and that is the main lesson to learn. Bebe is on a similar trajectory but still gets very distracted in class, though usually in a way that cracks me up. It’s hard to assert authority when you are laughing so much yourself.
Raised in the manner of wolves Howling at the moon Running wild in the company of fools Wide-eyed in chaotic tune
Tamed and reformed by riches The devil still pulls at the heart All are affected by witches The feral rips itself apart
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good from exercise but still not particularly enthusiastic. Perhaps due to this month’s struggle with money and its limit on what I’m able to do.
(Later) Things did improve as I spent time at House and then back at school wandering around talking to students everywhere.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Ning who seemed happy enough for me to help assist some of the students in her class – my grade 7 kids. It’s sometimes fun to join another class without there being any pressure and just offer assistance.
The best thing about today was:
Kwang (and Premier and Program) took my arms and led me around the school whilst chattering away with me, so I feel happy that Kwang is comfortable with me again after her episode last week. I’d really like to talk more deeply with her and get to how she really feels about things. She’s still covering things up with bravado at the moment, which is not unusual for kids at this age.
Something I learned today?
I watched Alexei Sayle’s Christmas message where, as a Jew, he supports the Palestinians and calls out the Zionists in Israel as absolute liars. Much of the world is in agreement with his sentiment.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
My students were happy that I cancelled all my classes today. It was possible that we could still have them but they would be distracted and unfocused with many not even bothering to show up. I feel slightly guilty though! Though not guilty enough not to be sitting in the cafe writing this right now! I will go back to school soon though and play with my students and hang around for an hour or three.
What was the best new thing I tried this year?
Best new thing? I’m not sure I tried any new thing!
Maybe I started using the DuoCards app this year which has been pretty helpful with my language learning.
Fuck, that’s not very exciting, is it!
If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
As I’m already past the age of 30 and I can remember what my body was like then perhaps having that body would not be for the best. I was still skinny at thirty, the beer belly came on over the following ten years. As to my mind at thirty, I was still on my way at that point. I still had peaks and troughs that overly affected me.
If we could rephrase the question to be 60 instead of 30 then perhaps I would choose my body now, despite it being older and slower it feels like it has improved and is fitter than before. My mind is also in a better place…. Damn, this is a difficult choice. The two are inextricably linked – healthy body, healthy mind…. I think I will go with maintaining the body.
I’m thinking this because of seeing Grandmum now whose body is almost given up and unable to speak but I can’t help thinking that inside her mind is still sharp and that must be so frustrating.
I took this picture because Nicha wanted a selfie. When I showed her later she said she looked like a pig. At least I hope she was talking about herself.
The miracles you’ve forgotten Are still behind those tired eyes So long now woe begotten Every day the same grey skies
No longer believing in dreams Since they all became real All is exactly as it seems You no longer know how to feel
Approaching the end of the night The winter is setting in And cold hearts start to bite With no sight of the spring
Today I’m feeling:
A little down on the way to school but better once surrounded by happy smiling Christmas greeting kids.
A little disappointed but happily so that there are no morning classes as kids prepare for the sports parade on Wednesday and there’s a chance there will be no classes in the afternoon or tomorrow too, which is kind of a shame as I had a cruisey time planned for the kids, just making Christmas cards for all my classes this week.
Still, it means I’m already here back in my spot at House, drinking coffee already.
Today I’m grateful for:
Fui, who I haven’t seen for a few months but as we talked a little whilst he ordered his coffee he paid for my cup as a Christmas gift. I wish I had some extra money at the moment to be able to do likewise.
My grade 8 students who welcomed onlooker, my grade 7 student Spain, to play football with them. Spain has some kind of social problem but is a good kid at heart. He senses safety with me so follows me around a lot and he was watching me play football and the kids kept asking me who he was.
I went off for a while to see what else was happening around the school and when I returned he was happily joining in with their games with a big smile on his face.
The best thing about today was:
Playing football and volleyball with my students instead of sitting in the classroom with them. I waited to see if they would come to class but it was apparent that they wouldn’t and no one else appeared to be teaching either so instead of stealing off I decided to stay longer and play with the kids at least.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The change to the classes today was a bit annoying as I had left the Christmas card making activity until this week. But still, both teacher and students prefer not to be in the classroom as much as possible, so I guess I will convert this into a new years card making activity come next week.
Something I learned today?
From watching a classic books recommendations video I should try to track down Woman In White, Vanity Fair and Nicolas Nickleby.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gave Jan and Apple the art pads to write in and give to Baipad, who was sick at home again today.
I joined in with many activities through out the day, encouraging everyone, laughing with them and generally showing a good time and attitude. Even Kwang has forgiven me for the tough time we had last week.
I dropped by the flower market to pick up some lillies for Amy as a gift.
Perhaps a vile deed was requesting credit from Gui at House for my coffee this week as I’m almost out of money now.
If you’re going to win the lottery, would you rather win £10 million, or £100 million?
Why would someone choose $10 million? Yes, it’s enough but why not choose $100 million and give $90 million away? It’s an odd question anyway as there’s no choice in a lottery.
As this is such a fantastical question I’m not even going to think about who I might give $90 million away to.
I took this picture because the red team were practising their cheerleading and dance routines in the cool morning air. Soon after I went off for my second coffee of the day.
The little girl stares at my dress Telling me about my pretty hair Wide-eyed at the new world The little girl is just me, sitting there
She holds my heart in her hands As we both are looking up above Wondering what all the futures hold For the mystical creatures we will love
Today I’m feeling:
Exhausted still and a little uninspired. Bruno and Nut will come for a Christmas dinner later, hopefully I perk up a little before that. I’ve not been sleeping that well due to sore shoulders, maybe from lying down too much!
Today I’m grateful for:
All the work Amy did throughout the day to prepare a great meal for dinner this evening.
The best thing about today was:
Finding Tigger curled up in a plant pot, which still had soil in it. He was grumpy because yesterday I shampooed his head again and this morning I sprayed on some medicine to help clean up his wounds. He almost always takes himself off to get himself dirty again after I try to clean him up.
At the same time, Cap had somehow managed to open the door to the spare room and was curled up happily on the bed. Hopefully he hasn’t peed on it.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy got upset at me in front of Bruno and Nut when I said I didn’t want any mussels yet as I was filling up on everything else. She took it as an affront to her cooking skills but that was not my intention.
There was nothing much I could do except sit there and take her sour words towards me which miffed me a bit as I was enjoying everything otherwise. I feel like she chose to take my words the wrong way and make something out of nothing. That’s not something I can control.
Eventually she lightened up again but still threw barbs every now and then. I’ll not get bothered by it as it happens occasionally and usually when Amy is drinking happily and suddenly something I say or do sets it off. I can’t predict it at all.
Since I don’t drink much anymore it’s just something I need to try and be more aware of in the future. My default is to be silent but that is not really a good ongoing strategy for communication between us.
Something I learned today?
New clothes are being developed that can regulate temperatures powered by flexible solar panels built into the fabric.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I bought some cheap drawing pads for Baipad today but rather than just giving them to her, contacted her friends Jan and Apple, and will give them the books, asking to add a Christmas message and once they’ve done that, to gift them to Baipad.
I helped Amy in the garden when requested and kept out of her way in the kitchen whilst she prepared food for our meal this evening.
I took this picture to try and capture the bubbles in this champagne glass, viewed from above.
Removed from the mundane The newness shines a light It’s simple to explain Why it burns so bright
Let the first kiss remain The nowness such a delight Unsure and unsteady aim But dressed to win the night
Today I’m feeling:
Good in the morning after sleeping pretty well for almost 11 hours. I woke up on and off in the early hours as Tigger was complaining that the sun was coming up and that meant eating time! We stayed on for another couple of hours as he came and went with his chit chat.
After coffee, massage and spicy hot pot though I fell back into a doze whilst listening to Sorry’s albums, one of which I had to play again as I totally missed it in a deep sleep. I couldn’t get going again after that. My body is catching up with all the energy it has exerted with exercise this week. But I also feel good.
Today I’m grateful for:
The lady at the hot spring that gave me a massage this morning. Nothing out of the ordinary but the time flashed by and it was a good way to start the day (after coffee, which is the essential way to start the day!)
The best thing about today was:
The cooler weather that let us enjoy our home, both inside and out. I joked with Hayden that it’s t-shirt weather, in this case, meaning it’s cold enough to put on a t-shirt.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In the morning Amy was talking about going to a jazz restaurant this evening, the thought of which didn’t excite me much. It is nice to go and do things together but I love being at home in my free time doing all the things I enjoy. I don’t have the urge to go out much anymore now I’ve found my contentment.
Something I learned today?
The German government stated that if Europe wants to complete its ‘energy transition’, it needs control of massive lithium reserves. And those reserves are located in Donetsk-Luhansk (now technically part of Russia).
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Over the last two days I’ve been messaging my student Earn and encouraging her to think about all the things she likes about herself. She finds it very easy to find five things to do with her looks, she’s a cute kid and knows it, so I pushed her in the direction of her personality and beliefs and she stumbles a bit here as she lacks some self-confidence. I was surprised she told me that she doesn’t think that she is a very nice person. That’s some good self-awareness but a surprising thing to admit, especially if you think it is a negative trait. I guess it goes hand in hand with low self-confidence. I gave her more positive feedback which she appreciated.
I took Amy to all the shops that she wanted to go to for ingredients this morning and carried the bags.
When summonsed I dug some holes for Amy to plant some cactuses around the garden.
Namkhing took this picture because Nicha wanted a selfie and I said she’d have to take it so then she roped in NK to do it and after taking the pictures she jokingly added this shot as she was handing back my phone. We were out on the football fields after school yesterday watching the girl’s teams play soccer. It was a lot of fun. No new pictures today.Namkhing, Fah, Nicha and me, monkeying around.
A bit stronger than yesterday. My exercise was easier and it put me in a bright mood which I hope continues throughout the day. I know I’m tired but I don’t have the feeling yet. Perhaps because I’m ‘on-the-go’. If I sat and relaxed somewhere it might be a different matter but the plan is for no relaxation today!
Today I’m grateful for:
My lip balm. One time a year I need it, just when the air cools and gets drier.
The best thing about today was:
In my first class, Baibua was wearing a bootleg Iron Maiden sweatshirt. Thailand has lots of knockoffs like this and people wearing them have no idea what they mean or represent. Anyway, I asked her if she liked Iron Maiden to which she just looked at me blank-faced. Namfon joined and she couldn’t understand either. Eventually, I pointed to the shirt and even knowing what I was talking about neither of them knew what Iron Maiden was. Well, let’s do some teaching. I searched YouTube for The Number of the Beast video and blasted it through the room speaker to everyone’s laughter and my pleasure. What a way to start the school day.
Also, watching some of my students playing football after classes finished and chatting, and playing with everyone around. It was a good atmosphere, everyone happy and having fun.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
There was a lot of plan-changing going on today, for things happening today and tomorrow. I’ve gotten used to it now and don’t get annoyed at some plan that has been made that isn’t quite what I feel up for. More than half the time the plan changes back to nothing or something I’m more interested in. The rest of the time I just accept my fate.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I rubbed the hands of some students who were cold throughout the day. Skinny Nicha in particular has no fat whatsoever to keep herself warm. I told her to jump up and down which she did for a little while before hugging herself around my arm.
What are five positive characteristics about Amy?
Happiness. I first noticed Amy at the cafe where I daily bought my double-shot cappuccino because she was always happy. Many pretty girls were working there and I could have chosen to talk with any of them but I chose Amy. One of the first things I said to her was ‘Why are you always so happy?’ Because it’s pretty much the opposite of my default mode at the time. She just replied ‘I’m a happy girl.’ Well, this sounded like someone whose influence I could enjoy.
Outgoing. Amy is somewhat extroverted but not in an obvious way. She told me that when she was still in high school her friends couldn’t believe that she would just go up to foreigner strangers in bars and start talking with them. She has no fear in this regard and can make friends easily.
Hardworking. When she has a goal in mind she will work hard towards it. From running her own business in Thailand to moving countries, studying, cooking and more lately housekeeping – she puts all she has into it.
Good with money. Amy has always managed to budget well even in what seem like difficult circumstances. And she can still enjoy herself without fear of spending money when it makes her feel good. I’m happy for her to take care of our finances.
Loves cats (and good dogs!). A first judgement can be made on many people by their love of animals. A love of animals shows the ability for compassion. Amy will do anything for our cats.
I took this picture because Hayden called me as I was talking with these students and they all shouted hello to him. I figured he might like to see his new fans, Sarah, Toey, Iphone, Pump and Ozone.
1994ever 