Month: March 2024

No Hope – 31st March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A lottery ticket’s luck
To a loser’s life will suck
Muddling on through the muck
Hope is a waste of energy

Waiting for a winning hand
To cross the line in the sand
If it doesn’t go as planned…..
Hope is just poor expectation

These tragedies will never fail
To inspire us to rail
Against them, tooth and nail
Hope is a waste of time

Don’t just hope for the best
Without committing to the test
There is never a second’s rest
For the heroes and their inspiration

Submitted to Ovi Challenge – Hope

Today I’m feeling:

Much improved.  Almost normal even!  Is it a psychological trait of mine?  A mental quirk?  Does my brain make me feel ill when there are things that I’m supposed to do that I really can’t be fucked to do? 

And now, Sunday – usually the day before going back to work (which I love when there are students at school and detest when there aren’t and we are there just because we are supposed to be) but tomorrow is the first day of the holiday.  Has circumstance suddenly tricked me into feeling well?

It’s also weird to be annoyed at having five weeks holiday this year, a week more than last year, and this is because it is the worst time of year here for air pollution and five weeks in October would be so much more preferable.  But like I say it’s weird to be bothered about having extra holiday time!

Today I’m grateful for:

Uncle Nit next door who is helping us sort out some extra work that we need to connect up our drainage to the new drains being added under the widened road.  

Uncle also told us that he’s never seen anything come out of our drain so I’m not exactly sure where our wastewater even goes.

The best thing about today was:

Getting this message from one of my grade 10 students Miwkey:

I am impressed and enjoy learning in the teacher’s lesson. Since I studied with foreign teachers, I have never met a teacher like you. I’ve only encountered foreign teachers who use their emotions towards their students while not paying attention to the lessons they teach in the classroom.

I kind of understand what she means – I think there are many teachers who don’t and sometimes can’t actually assist with explaining some things and just tell the students that they are stupid and should figure it out for themselves. Sigh.

I do also ask them to figure things out for themselves but I’m going to guide them with effective methods that they can remember and reuse.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst at Utopia Amy called me to pick up some veggies at the market. When I got back she saw them and exclaimed ‘Noooo, not that one! Go back now!’

Luckily I was in a good mood and quickly went back and got the correct ones.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

More encouragement for students via LINE.

What word or phrase sums up this month?

Tired would pretty much be it. Is it that I’m tired after this busy school year? Because I invest so much of myself into it emotionally? It’s not really been that busy since Christmas.

Perhaps it’s a combination of that and missing the kids, the heat and air pollution and not really having any plans to go anywhere. 

But I did feel better today at least.

Amy took this picture because she wanted to show off her tamarind eggs. Unfortunately, she got a crazy teacher in the shot too!

Always Going Home – 30th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Outside, the sheds, rotting,
With stores of coal
And wood for the winters

Stray cats brought their kittens
to the secret stash of beers
Stolen to curious teenage lips

The washing hangs from the kitchen ceiling
Dried damp infused with boiled pork
At least the rain can’t get in

There are Proustian moments
of potpourri,
The lotions on the bathroom shelf

Creaking stairs and creaking doors
You’ve been here for hundreds of years
Standing as a home

That scary sloping floor
Will it one day fall on those
grandparents sleeping below?

In my pit
Corners of dirt, carpets of dust
How many skins I shed there?

The icy windows stuck shut
I settle under covers thick with
this year’s sweat

My love of the comfort of your walls,
crumbling as they were,
Left when I did

Submitted to dVerse – Buildings

Today I’m feeling:

More reasonable today though still not breathing properly and have itchy tired eyes.

I slept for almost 12 hours though it wasn’t all good sleep but I was happy to at least have the opportunity anyway.  Getting up late meant that the day disappeared fairly quickly.

After coffee, I came back and watched some videos before a delicious experimental lunch that Amy made of roasted vegetable lasagna but instead of lasagna sheets using soft tortillas instead.

Then some more 3 Body Problem, more videos (I didn’t move much today!) then I made it to my room to play guitar but I wasn’t quite in the mood but still managed about 25 minutes.  My room is super hot in the afternoons now and I need to go there and play guitar in the mornings when my brain feels more alert!

I’m also reminded that I need to get back to my Thaipod101 lessons now that I have some free time again.

And also I want to do some study around active listening.  I figure that after 56 years on earth, I might actually start listening to what other people have to say!  Of course, I may find out the opposite too.

Today I’m grateful for:

The cowman from a couple of doors down.

This evening I was about to go out and close the gate and noticed something black on the grass.  On closer inspection, it was cow shit!  When did that get there!  We were out in the garden in the afternoon and it wasn’t there then.

I grabbed a torch and walked around the garden just to check that whatever visitors we had had gone before going to close the gate.  When I got to the gate it was already shut.  I figured that a cow must’ve come in and the cowman found it, chased it back out and closed the gate behind him.

The mystery was soon confirmed by our CCTV system – a mum and calf with the cowman chasing them out!

The best thing about today was:

Amy’s lunch and then in the evening, Amy’s delicious peach crumble with chocolate ice cream.  What a lucky guy I am.  Or was I just smart enough to pick the best person for me to marry?

Something I learned today?

Last year in the world happiness index, China was number 1, followed by Saudi Arabia and then the Netherlands.  In this year’s report neither China nor Saudi Arabia were in the top 30.  That’s strange!  It turns out that even though their data was collected it wasn’t used in the final report meaning a white Western nation (The Netherlands) is the happiest in the world.  At least, if you cherry-pick the data to your agenda.

Also, whilst watching the Netflix 3 Body Problem it seemed fairly obvious to me that the ‘China Bad’ narrative was highlighted intentionally.  It followed the book in that it was a Chinese woman who made contact with the aliens but as the rest of the series wasn’t set in China, as most of the book was, it bluntly exposes Western audiences to a message of ’look what the terrible Chinese did.’  Sigh.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent more messages out to students about their holidays. Checking in with them.

Paen sent me another message out of the blue talking about ending her life again.  I wrote back quickly but still haven’t had an answer.  I just sent her another encouraging message. I hope she’s ok.

I took this picture when closing the gate a couple of nights ago. Is this a blood moon or air pollution?

For What It’s Worth – 29th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Tell me what you want me to say
And I’ll say it
Just slip a dollar into my hand

The great shepherds of society
Created an illusion of fear
To maintain their demand

For whatever it’s worth
I’m just as happy as all the other people
I know

So drop some silver in my pocket
Buy me now
Before I go

Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – buy now.

Today I’m feeling:

Really tired again.  It feels like I just can’t get enough good unbroken sleep.  Cap woke us both up again last night, vomiting up some food.  

I’m starting to feel really concerned for him now.  He’s not eating or drinking enough and is all saggy skin and bones.  It feels like this might be his final days but I hope I’m wrong.  

Maybe I’m just being overly cautious after being less concerned with Kim Chi last year.

Today I’m grateful for:

The people who found Leo after he ran off this evening and Amy had to go and ride around to search for him. Without luck, she then just happened to check a local online message board where someone had posted that they’d found a lost dog. That crazy Leo!

The best thing about today was:

Watching more of the 3 Body Problem. I don’t have energy for much at the moment and am already in bed at 8 pm.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After a couple of coffees, I cancelled meeting up with Matt and figured to go to school and sign the documents to get paid before going home to catch up on sleep. Nancy sent a reminder to go to sign the documents so that was my trigger to leave. 

It was already about 36 degrees and with the bad air and lack of sleep, I was super dizzy, especially after walking up to the fourth floor where waiting for me was absolutely no one. 

I was about to pass out and couldn’t wait around and so left a message with Nancy saying there was no one there and I was sick and leaving.

When I got home there was another message from Nancy saying that if I didn’t sign today I would be paid late, without giving any indication of what late meant.

I flaked into bed but couldn’t get a good rest, sleeping for maybe only twenty minutes. I tried to get Kru Mai to go and sign for me. Why not! Why do we even need to go through this nonsense every month?

At three-forty, looking like there was no other way around it I decided to drive back just to sign their paper.

I took this picture because this tree at school is blossoming and looked great with the sun rising and the school building in contrast.

Where’s Your Courage? – 28th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

“The little things are the big things.”

Courage demands bravery in this very moment
Of heroic action.

And so happiness is possible,
Living an ordinary life
In an extraordinary way

Text is borrowed and arranged from this post at The Stoa Letter and the form (Cherita) is inspired by this post at the Skeptic’s Kaddish and the title is from the Minutemen.

Today I’m feeling:

Super tired again.  Yesterday I managed to resist an afternoon nap and I got to sleep OK, until Cap kept crying to go in and out of the bedroom and then to be fed.  Happy to know that he has his appetite but I just want to sleep more!

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy and her family deciding to go for a fish lunch out in the rice fields.  It was good to do something different though it was funny that they decided on the restaurant that Bruno and I went and tried as we were riding by a year or two ago.

Also to Kru Karn who offered me her shelf space in the teacher’s room to keep my things.  I’ll do that for now but may move it to somewhere more suitable later.

The best thing about today was:

Reading more about the British Empire in Africa.  It was interesting to read that there were people who abhorred the colonial treatment of other human beings at the time.  Interesting in that nothing much has changed, sadly.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I haven’t been able to do any more lesson planning as I haven’t been able to get more information from Kru Mai about my classes yet.  It’s a little frustrating as it is what we are supposed to be doing this week and now it means I will have to do more in the actual holiday time.

When I went to school just before lunch I found lots of people cleaning out the office space for Kru Puu who will stay in there in future.  Unfortunately, this means moving my stuff out from there and also not being able to use it for one-to-one speaking exercises anymore.  A lot of student’s work that I was keeping to look at later was also missing, presumably thrown out. Oh well. Nothing stays the same.

Something I learned today?

I just got sent a video by Noey. It was of me riding the wrong way at the traffic lights (to save time) as I was out getting a tub of ice cream at the 7-11.  She must have been on her bike at the traffic lights going in the other direction.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I messaged a few more students today and had little conversations of encouragement with them.

I took this picture because this was the view from our restaurant table at lunch time.

All The Arms We Need – 27th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments

The truth took the wind from me
I’m still not ready to stand
This isn’t the way it was meant to be
It’s not quite how I planned

I cannot face this world today
Please comfort me, I am in need
Give me the power to walk away
To heal me as I bleed

Together in the world we’ve built
And the challenges we are thrown
After all the tears we’ve spilled
We will never walk alone

A second submission to WDYS (picture above) and inspired by events from last night

Today I’m feeling:

Super tired due to waking up a couple of times during the night as Amy was checking on Cap who was very restless and crying often.  

It’s still difficult to see if there is anything specifically wrong but Amy will take him back to the vet to double-check this morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding Amy starting to watch the Netflix version of the Three Body Problem, so I said Hey, let’s watch it together.

I will try to put out of my mind how good the books were and try to judge this on its own merits.

The best thing about today was:

Cap seeming to improve a little after stopping one of the medicines the vet had given him a couple of days ago.  He’s still not eating or drinking much but he seems to be getting better rest and looks to be in less discomfort.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I rolled with the things that were working against me and sure enough, by sitting still and doing nothing, the world revolved full circle and back into my favour.

Something I learned today?

I met Kru Ren this morning and discovered that he has been tasked with creating the full curriculum for the integrated English classes next year.  He’s flummoxed!  He knows what a stupidly huge task he has been given and I commiserated with him because it’s pretty crazy to be given just a few weeks (that should be a holiday) to prepare.

It seems that he is also tasked to teach it and he has made the same complaint as myself – we don’t have the knowledge level to teach the sciences and other subjects.

Even things that we do have knowledge of would take much preparation to teach at the grade 7 level.

When I was doing the same in primary it would often take me six hours prep to teach a two hour class!

Good luck Kru Ren!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I talked with Kru Lucky about information on scholarships and exchange programs to pass on to Anchan, which I duly did.

To be honest, I’m not very optimistic that she can achieve a full scholarship and I hope that she doesn’t get disheartened.

She did seem to have a couple of backup plans though so it seems she has already thought about this.  

She’s a good kid and deserves better than what her situation is offering her.

I took this picture because as I was waiting for Amy this little chap flew up for a quick inspection and I just managed to get my phone out in time for this shot before darting off to his nest.

Our Part – 26th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

When judgement comes, what may you say
In your defence?
For every tiny part you play
Comes at some expense
With violence spent, you walked away
All of it forgotten
Whilst those you hurt were forced to stay
Sour and turning rotten

When judgement comes, it will be
Seen from your heart
For better or worse, you set me free
You played your part
A part in miniature, a part of me
Reborn stronger
My part in this is plain to see
And I will stay longer

Inspired by the poem Until Then (’till the last petal falls) by Michelle Ayon Navajas and comments there.
Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge Miniature

Today I’m feeling:

Uncertain.  I just looked in the mirror and felt old and worthless.  Perhaps it’s because I’m not around the energy of the kids at the moment.

Last night Amy also cried that Thailand isn’t her place anymore and that she feels more at home in Australia.  There’s a lot behind that but there is also a factor that I haven’t written about here because it’s a sensitive topic and the situation is ongoing.  Needless to say, I understand her feeling, whilst not sharing it.

She also asked me if I would ever go back to England to live and I said no, which made me consider her position.

I seem to have really found myself here and just have no real idea what I would do with myself back in Australia.

Anyway, this is not a new feeling or thought and is not able to be actioned upon just yet due to having our cats and our home here, which we would need to sell.  Sometime in the future though, it looks a given that we will be back in Australia.

Today I’m grateful for:

My student, Nong Aoi, who called me this evening as she was happily cooking and eating with her boyfriend and friends.  Despite giving me big headaches last year enough to make me worry that she was going off the rails, she has calmed down a little now and is quite sweet and affectionate.  I think it’s nice that my students feel comfortable enough to call me.  I’m doubtful that they call other any other teachers.

Yesterday I also messaged a little with Nong Nam, who was Aoi’s accomplice in giving me grief last year.  She has also matured a little more now and said that she really appreciates that I contact her every six months or so to check in on her.  Sometimes it’s the small actions that make all the difference.

The best thing about today was:

Quietly reading 2000AD and Judge Dread Megazine stories after getting home mid-afternoon.  It was excellent and I was savouring the time spent.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got a glimpse of my new classes from Kru Mai today and whilst he has taken heed of my reluctance to be involved with the Integrated classes for next semester he has spread me out into other high school classes which means figuring out new lessons to teach.

I would also not teach any grade 7 classes, for which I already have a hundred lessons accumulated over the last three years.  Oh well, new challenges lay ahead.

Cappuccino is still not looking too good at the moment and doesn’t seem to be able to settle himself into a comfortable position, like there’s something not right in his hips or belly.  Poking around doesn’t seem to cause him any discomfort but something is obviously not right.

Amy and I are both wary as it was at this time last year that Kim got sick and went to the vet a couple of times until that fateful day she didn’t come back alive.

Something I learned today?

In medieval Europe, mercury was used in medicine and manufacturing. Hatters were specifically exposed to mercuric nitrate, a form of inorganic mercury.

By 1837, “mad as a hatter” was a common saying.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent messages out to a few more students today to check in on how they are doing.  I discovered that Anchan is having a tough time of things these days.

She has been living with her uncle as the rest of her family have been put in prison for an illegal online gambling website!  She says her uncle is never around so she has to take care of the house and as she is not getting any money from her mum now she has to help her grandmum with selling things and gets barely enough to buy herself food.

And all that is taking away from her school work where, amazingly, she is still motivated to push herself and enrolling herself in extracurricular activities.  She’s only 14 years old.

She asked for some help with information about exchange programs to Australia and I talked a little with Kru Champ about that as it is something he is working on in the future.

It’s frustrating to see smart, motivated kids trapped in situations like this.  I hope she doesn’t give up and lose herself as so many teenagers can do.

I took this picture because Cap is not quite feeling well at the moment, unfortunately. 

We’ll Be All Right – 25th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Get ready for the struggle
Get up and get strong!
Don’t waste time on the puzzle
If all the pieces are wrong

Injustice sits in the heart
Sending signals to the head
Ignore them from the start
Choose to grow instead

The world is not unkind
Neither is it cruel
Fast forward, not rewind
The correct use of the tool

Inspired and paraphrased from The Red Hand Files #272

2nd Jun 2024 – Submitted to the Word of the Day Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

I’ve got some energy today, mainly through having ideas for lessons for next semester, which I need to focus on this week in preparation.  

I just hope that what I’m working on is suitable for the students and not above their level.  

I sometimes overestimate how skilled the students are and as this is my first time teaching grade 12 I have some reservations.

Today I’m grateful for:

Cap being able to come home from the vet.  He hates being there as he is a princess scaredy-cat a lot of the time.  

I doubt he slept much for the last three days but the saline has helped stabilise his blood levels and hopefully, he soon gets his appetite back.

The best thing about today was:

Getting on a roll with my lessons.  I checked with the grade 12 teacher from last year and they were very supportive of what I was hoping to teach some of these students.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I talked to Kru Mai about changing one of my classes so that they matched the other classes in that grade and he said he will look at it.  

But in the process of that conversation, the annual discussion of integrated study came up again and our grade 7 and 10 classes may need to follow that format.

I argued against this unless we are given the lessons to teach (which is not likely).  Every year they try to implement this and it’s always been shot down but it looks they are going to try and muscle it in somehow this time.

Also, any rejigging of our classes may also mean I don’t end up teaching the grade 12s that I just spent all day working on lessons for.  I asked if that could be left alone because I hope that I can get this opportunity to test out my skills and abilities, as well as the students.

Something I learned today?

USA TikTok users said that they were worried if the company was sold to a US corporation, believing that it would be more censored and restricted than it is currently as a subsidiary of a Chinese company.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Amy asked me to do many little things for her this evening and I’ve done them as required, even though it interrupted things that I was doing.

I took this picture because the full moon was looking rad as I went out to help Amy in the teaching room. She has plans for it but I’m not sure exactly what yet.

House Of Dreams – 24th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

What goes on in there?
Door ajar, window wide
Unholy noises emanate
Secrets unseen inside

Are there witches
Three crone sisters
That talk in tongues
And hypnotic whispers

A crash and a scream
There’s blood supposed
Suddenly the doors
And window closed

The shadows darken
And take their leave
Was it just a nightmare
That kids believe?

Inspired by the attached picture that reminds me of my own childhood home a little but made me think more of a house that as kids we used to pass sometimes at night and heard all sorts of weird noises coming from. Our childish minds formed ghosts and witches and we would run past as quickly as possible. A few years later and I ended up dating the girl that lived there with her wild and crazy mum and girlfriend and I soon saw for myself what was making all the noise inside. They were bat-shit crazy. It was fun for a while.

Submitted to Crimson’s Creative Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired and underwhelmed so far though I’m waiting for my first coffee. I haven’t been sleeping well due to discomfort in my shoulder and struggling to breathe clearly.

Today I’m grateful for:

That the AFL website now has a dedicated page for match replays where the scores are not displayed.  

Maybe they had it before but this is season is the first time I’ve found it.

The best thing about today was:

Realising what I can do for my grade 12 classes next year.  Last week Australia announced that they are raising the IELTS level for students from 5.5 to 6.  Already well above most kids level but as we were talking about it it reminded me of when I was teaching Chinese students online, preparing them for the Speaking exam.

So I figure why not use my class to prepare these kids and go through a different set of IELTS questions, discussing and preparing one week and then attempting the following.

It should be easy enough to find sample questions online again and it will just be a case of wash, rinse, repeat.  I love it when an idea comes to me like this because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with this class.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Today has been pleasantly full. From coffee to immediately getting home and watching the Swans play well to beat Essendon, then straight out for buffet sushi lunch at a place we hadn’t tried before, to visit Cap at the vets and then a little shopping at Makro on the way home, straight into my room to play guitar and then to finally sit and watch some YouTube videos at around 5.30 pm.

I’ve been glad to be on the go for a change as I’ve not been moving my old bones enough for this last week or so and I’m feeling it.

Something I learned today?

I finally found out where to change the setting on my Mac to do a three finger window drag!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Amy hurried me along to not wait around with my morning coffee as I usually do today but thankfully I was up early enough to get back and watch the football with enough time for us to make it to lunch before she started biting my head off.

I’m happiest when …

Listening to music, reading a book, reading a comic, playing with students – when the joy resonates through my body bringing me to a point of savouring.  

Anything that triggers this is when I’m happiest and sometimes, if I remind myself, I can activate this feeling at will.

The Golden Rule – 23rd March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

When good and evil were formed
Hearts either chilled or warmed
So then every God had warned
To follow the golden rule

I will no longer subscribe
That my life is a tragic ride
Not a rose-tinted world I describe
Just a way of looking and seeing

So sound the bells and travel far
Drop a coin and pass the jar
It’s up to us to heal the scar
Tragedy is a choice

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge – Tragedy and inspired by comments there.

Today I’m feeling:

Rested and slow to get going. Two Utopian coffees are working their magic though I wish I could clear the phlegm out of my body and breathe clearly again.

Today I’m grateful for:

The Ruamittr ice cream in the freezer that Amy only told me about today!

The best thing about today was:

Clean (and new) sheets!

Something I learned today?

It was interesting to read an old interview with all the members of Rancid and to hear a wild story about an exhumed baby at Gilman Street!

The Trail – 22nd March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 13 Comments

A resplendent hall of brown and greys
Escher lines, a maze, amaze
Djinns in from the desert dunes
Rest before the trail resumes

Submitted to WDYS #230 and Moonwashed Musings

Today I’m feeling:

Phlegmy and short of breath.  I slept fairly well but yesterday another piece of porcelain fell off one of my teeth and has made it sensitive.  One tooth fixed, another one broke!

Today I’m grateful for:

A storm!  Hooray!  I noted last year that we had a storm around this time in March which cleared the air for a while, but then got much worse as more fires were lit once it dried out again, which doesn’t take long.  The forecast is for ten or more days of 35-degree plus sunny weather after today!  Oh well, enjoy the air while it is breathable.

The best thing about today was:

Getting some positive feedback on some of my poetry and being inspired to write more, as well as trying to read and appreciate more of what others write.

Something I learned today?

My old student, and Baipad’s best friend, Jan will change schools to Sammakhi next semester.  I hope Baipad doesn’t miss her too much though she knew that they wouldn’t be in the same class next year anyway, so she was hopefully a little prepared to accept this news.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Again, I randomly messaged a few of my students to chat and encourage them in their holidays.  Tonaor was having a bad time with a boy so I comforted and encouraged her.  And of course, I congratulated Jan on getting into Sammakhi.

I also messaged Nice, my old primary student, who I will teach again next semester.  I asked for her input to help me plan what to teach them and she was very helpful, which I really appreciated.

When I got home at lunchtime Amy wanted to take Cap to the vet, which was ok with me.  In the end, I’m glad we did as one of his blood levels was slightly high and they recommended for him to stay in a couple of days on a drip to help stabilise that because it can become more critical.

Amy took this picture because the surprise morning storm blew all the smoke away to reveal the blue sky again. Though only for an hour or two!