Tigger woke me up at 6am, he doesn’t understand weekends, telling me he will die if he doesn’t eat, so I wearily poured out some dried food, much to Cap’s disgust, fell back into bed and, resetting my 7.30 alarm for 8.30 dived deep into a sexy, though not sexual, dream about Nong Fah!
When my alarm went off I forced myself up and now I’m at Utopia and struggling to focus my eyes properly on my book.
Today I’m grateful for:
A change of plans. Today I was supposed to drive us all up to Doi Chang and here and there and all around but Mai’s family are all tired and/or sick with dodgy stomachs and even the backup plan of going to the Black House got cancelled and in the end everyone just came to our house and chilled in the air con.
The best thing about today was:
A whole load of mala sticks for dinner at a Chinese shop and even though I could’ve skipped dinner completely I ended up with a stack of vegetables and dug into the super spicy Sichuan sticks whilst sipping some soothing milk tea. I’m not sure yet how my stomach is going to react overnight.
Something I learned today?
As we don’t have internet in the house I am perusing my hard drive full of TV shows and movies and watching some of Paul Merton’s travel series around Europe. It’s maybe 20 or even 30 years old already but at that time there was a group of Germans who dressed a little to look like Nazis and carried flags with the same colours as the swastika symbol but with an apple shape instead. They would go outside known Nazi gathering spots in Berlin and chant things like ‘Drink more apple juice’ in a fun attempt to humiliate them.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
I happily drove Mai and family around this morning and afternoon, trying to keep Yaya occupied and happy.
Someone took this picture in Utopia and they used it on Facebook. I’m happy with my hair in this picture.
Egged out, we must survive Enthusiastic push to thrive Finally, no one gets out alive That’s the way we all go
Early birds catch the worms The voice inside us turns In turn, the worm learns That that’s the way we all go
One day, in a different way Here tomorrow, gone today Even the early bird will say That’s the way we all go
Paraphrased and plagiarised (in the nicest possible way) from various majestic Cardiacs songs. Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 47
Today I’m feeling:
Good again though that 6 am alarm was tough. It had to be done though. My leg workout was too much, supposed to be 3 x 64 reps of lunges but I could only manage 40 by which time my skinny thigh muscles wanted to explode. But 40 is better than none.
Today I’m grateful for:
Matt, who kindly donated me some magic mushroom capsules as he tried them but didn’t enjoy the experience.
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying a whole day out of home even though I could’ve just gone to school, signed in and come home again. I had planned to do this anyway but it was made even more desirable because when I was leaving this morning Auntie Sue told me that the electricity would be off today as they are moving the lines to the new poles. Great – no reason to come home early.
After signing in I spent the morning reading and writing at House whilst enjoying three coffees and even getting another lesson done for the classes on Presentations.
After that, I dropped by Central to buy a gift for Funfai as it is her birthday today and she told me she would be playing tennis at 4 pm. I got her a notebook, pencil case and pen. I also got the same for Anchan.
For the afternoon I went to see Matt as planned and we talked for a couple of hours catching up on each other’s lives. He also showed me his guitar setup and pedals, all of which sound fantastic but not within my price range or even within my time limitations for being feasible.
I left at around 4 pm to head to the tennis courts though I could see in the distance very dark clouds and the wind started picking up dramatically. Baipad messaged me that it was storming in our village as, after cancelling bike riding yesterday due to a storm, we had rearranged for today at 5 pm.
I got to the tennis courts and there weren’t many people around and the wind was already making it difficult for those there. No sign of Funfai so I messaged her and she told me that her lesson had been cancelled. Ah well, no worries. I used the opportunity to go and clock out of school which I haven’t bothered to do so far this week.
As I drove back home it started to rain though nothing storm-like. It had already blown through by the looks of things. I figured Baipad wouldn’t want to ride and a wet road would have made it more difficult for her too, so I thought I’d drop by and see if I could chat with her a little more in-depth.
As I passed by our soi it was still blocked with electricity people running around so I assumed the power was still off at home too. Amy also called and said that she couldn’t get home earlier when she tried as the road was blocked then too.
So I hung out at Baipad’s for an hour and did get her to open up a little more and whilst not confronting any of her issues, started to get her to think about them a bit more.
She feels comfortable to talk with me though she still lacks the maturity to know how to express herself. I can report though that she is not happy with herself and does want to change, she just doesn’t know how and I can feel that her mum doesn’t know how to teach or show her either. Her mum obviously has her own struggles.
Anyway, I’ll try my best to support, motivate and teach her some skills that can bring up her confidence. It’s all valuable reminders for me too.
I came home around 6 pm and it has been raining most of the time since, 3 hours now, with a comfortable temperature again, which I, and most probably everyone, is grateful for.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got my new teaching schedule today. It has changed a little bit from what I was expecting, with me being given 24 hours instead of the 22 that the other teachers get. I’m not going to complain though.
I like being in the classroom, with the kids so another couple of hours is fine and it might also encourage me to stay each day and sign out like they want me to!
After arriving home I found that our internet wasn’t working, probably due to the work going on with the poles in our soi. I hope that our provider knows about this work, but I can also easily imagine that they don’t. At least I can still hotspot and connect with my phone tonight and we’ll be out most of the day tomorrow.
Something I learned today?
Both Jet and Praewa sent me messages today because they got their study schedules and they were upset that I won’t be teaching them this year.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
Any of the minor challenges that I’ve mentioned above didn’t feel that difficult at all (except the lunges) and my state of mind was good enough to accept everything as it came.
I took this picture of the Utopia FB post and sent it to Noey. She wanted to know where I was because she hadn’t seen me today. I should be there on Sunday though.
What kind of artist were you when you were young?
When I was about 5 or 6 I always got told off for drawing castles instead of writing. I tried to compromise by writing something that allowed me to also draw a castle!
In my teens, I got deep into punk iconology, cut-up style and sloganeering. I made many posters like this, including a huge one that I submitted for an art assignment. I also painted a picture of a faceless punk in a three-piece suit, crucified on a cross.
My forays into the artistic world ended up more around words but also into producing booklets, fanzines and posters. I don’t have the creative drive anymore to do this, perhaps hampered by a lack of time due to other endeavours such as writing.
Did you paint, colour with crayons, build things with blocks?
Painting and colouring yes but I had an aversion to building things. Other kids had Meccano but I could never figure out what to make with it. Similarly, with Lego, it seemed like too much effort to make a shitty version of a house or something like that. My imagination didn’t run in that direction.
What kind of creative acts did you enjoy?
When the punk ideology hit, the ‘anyone can do it’ attitude, I wanted desperately to be the singer in a band and so set about writing lyrics. This was from about aged 11.
A little later this also turned into writing brief poetic thoughts of which I was constantly churning out.
I always enjoyed doing that though somewhere along the way in my 20s, I stopped writing those until I started again in 2020 when I remembered how much I enjoyed it and got back to doing it again.
When did you write your first poem?
I guess it would have been in 1984 when I was 15 or 16 though I probably had some before that, written for an English class. The earliest things that I held onto were from 1984.
What was it about?
Poems from that time were about petty thoughts and trivialities of a schoolboy’s life. It turned serious though as depression sunk in and the future looked bleak. Back then though I could write about any little thing that sparked my interest. It was fun.
How did you come to poetry?
As described above, through writing lyrics. I still consider what I write mostly as being lyrics rather than poetry.
Don’t tell the monkeys that we understand Let them think we’re stupid and dumb Otherwise, they’ll force us to work And their rat race sure looks no fun
Don’t tell the monkeys we understand Our nature is just to laze and play Let them think we’re too stupid and dumb To be forced to an office job all day
Don’t tell the monkeys we understand Can you imagine us wearing suits!? We’re happy right where we are Still closely attached to our roots
Don’t tell the monkeys we understand We chose to communicate with grunts The monkeys have forgotten now That that’s how they were once
Apparently there is an old Indonesian myth that says that Orang-utans have the ability to speak human languages, but choose not to, because they know if we caught them speaking we would force them to get jobs.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good so far though I’m disappointed to find my weight has still increased despite doing exercise and getting lots of steps in at the weekend. I’m sure it will regulate back down to around 79kg once I get back into the teaching routine.
The exercises in the Mad Muscles app that I’ve been using for a month take a little longer than my normal app as it’s not possible to skip the rest times and jump ahead. This means getting up a little earlier than before.
The subscription runs out soon though and I’m not sure if I will try it again, I actually just wanted the chair yoga exercises but got leg and arm exercises instead. Maybe when I get paid again I will check it out again, otherwise I will stick with the free app I’ve been using.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the Nat Geo books that arrived at the school a couple of years ago and are still sitting around waiting to be used. I didn’t use them last year but can see that they will be useful for one of my classes and will save me time as I already have lessons written for them.
The best thing about today was:
The books I bought at Dasa on Monday arriving and having forgotten about them, rediscovering what I had bought. The library grows way faster than I can read!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I got home I stuck a load of washing on as I was running out of underwear. I had to spin it twice as there were so many other clothes too and I started hanging it out at around 3 pm.
I joked to myself that it was so hot that some of it might be dry by the time I finish hanging everything and sure enough a couple of shirts were already dry.
A little while later I was preparing to head out to my room to play a little guitar but Amy called because she had forgotten to submit an assignment for one of her students. As I waited for her stupidly slow computer to load, login and open the web browser I heard a bang outside and when I looked around there was a huge wind blowing through and I ran outside to our washing which was now scattered around the garden!
I furiously gathered everything up and shoved it into the kitchen, also worried about any rain that might come with this wind but an hour later, the skies are still dark though nothing else.
I eventually got to log in and sort out uploading Amy’s assignments whilst marvelling at what a piece of shit Microsoft Windows is.
Something I learned today?
I watched an interview with the economic advisor to US President Biden who couldn’t even explain how his own economy works.
He made lots of confusing statements and then actually said ‘I don’t know how it works, but it does!’
I checked to see if it was April 1st – it was THAT unbelievable.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gifted some Thai candy to Baipad, her mum and Butter. We didn’t go and ride because the storm that blew in kept threatening though predictably it didn’t rain at all in the end.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
Push-ups as part of my morning exercise. The routine required different types of push-ups but my upper body is so weak that I could only do a few push-ups and even then, by the end of the sets I couldn’t do them all. But I didn’t quit the routine, at least.
I took this picture at the restaurant yesterday because it’s a pretty wild and interesting painting!
Good again. Pretty peppy with an underlying exhaustion just from adjustment to this routine again.
Mai, Dave and Yaya, along with Mai’s parents, arrive in Chiang Rai this morning and Amy will be busy with them for the next four days and I’ll be joining them after work this afternoon.
Today I’m grateful for:
Our step ladder so that I can try and organise our vine plant to grow over our entertainment area and perhaps stop a little of the rain in the future, though will undoubtedly block the gutters with dead leaves too.
The best thing about today was:
Getting on top of everything in preparation for being back in the classroom. I think I have a fairly clear idea for each class now and can adapt as I go. It was a good feeling to be back in the game so to speak.
I had felt pretty on the ball at the start of the holiday but then slacked off a lot for the last three weeks. I put up a self imposed barrier in my mind though thankfully found it easy to overcome. Though I’m damned tired right now! Tired but feeling great and positive.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I felt increasingly positive and happy as the day has gone on and nothing could stand in my way or bother me.
Something I learned today?
Mai’s husband Dave was so excited when he got to Thailand that he overindulged in smoking too much weed last night and had to spend the day sleeping today, so I haven’t actually seen him yet.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I drove Amy and I back into the city at 5 pm and the traffic is getting busy again after the holidays. I picked up Mai and her family and took us to the restaurant for a really nice meal with Amy’s mum and dad joining too.
I took this picture because this is another Yaya that I know.
Pray tell me, where it is you go Lady of this loveless moon Underneath the stars on show Could it be considered too soon? Kisses taken nice and slow Youthful daring saw this romance bloom
Exhausted (at the end of the day). I got through the morning exercise easily, hurting my legs further after two 10,000-step days.
I kept running ok throughout the day but once home in the afternoon, I flaked pretty quickly.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Keng and Kru Bright, who provided me with a table to store my stuff in their room in the new building, where I will generally be teaching now.
The building is a little removed from the rest of the school but if I keep parking out by the cafe it means I will have to walk through the canteen and the main playground so I will be sure to still meet many of my students.
The best thing about today was:
Meeting the new teacher in Primary. He’s an Aussie ‘activist’, obviously a weed smoker and hinted at being a conspiracy theorist. He was quite interesting to talk to for a while as he had been in China around the same time I was there and knew some of the bands.
He mentioned how much he was looking forward to teaching here but I got the feeling from his personality that he won’t last long.
12th Dec 2024 – I found out later that he didn’t even make it a full week!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Back to school, back to disorganisation. There was a message about the Songkran blessing with the school directors and I was told it would start at nine, so I got back from coffee at that time but then the word was that it would be somewhere between 10 and 11.
I contemplated going back to the cafe but instead decided to check out where I could put my things in the new building and after moving my things, the teachers there told me it was just about to start.
No sign of George or David (though I had heard he was spotted there in the morning) so I was the only representative of the high school English teachers. Hopefully, someone has noted that somewhere that I have been a good boy!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
A customer at House left their charger in the wall and I alerted Ying, the latest new staff there, who ran out and gave it back.
I also dropped the word search book around to Baipad this afternoon.
After I closed the gate this evening, Amy ran out asking me to take her to the twenty-baht shop to buy a gift for Yaya, Nong Mai’s daughter, who we will meet tomorrow. A minor annoyance but at least the 200 metre ride to the shop was nice, cool and refreshing!
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
Back in long pants and long sleeves, I was heating up quickly and easily today. I didn’t complain though and just got on with everything.
I should have been doing more lesson plans but ended up writing more poetry and updating the blog. I did scan over what I still need to update and tomorrow, I will work on the next couple of IELTS lessons and Thursday, more of the presentation lessons and then Friday figuring out what else I need to add. I just put the seed in my mind for today.
My old student from grade 7, Yaya, sent me this picture because I asked her to. I usually send her a message once a year to see how she is doing since she moved away. She was another smart kid and I’m happy to see her doing well. She appreciates my asking after her too.
A little dizzy but happy. After difficulty getting to sleep I enjoyed a deep long rest but the morning light woke me up way before my alarm.
I checked the map and it was going to be a hassle to get into the city to the bookshop so I showered and got going.
Despite needing 4 different trains it didn’t take as long as I was expecting and I’m enjoying my first coffee of the day now.
Today I’m grateful for:
Arwith coming to meet me at the bookshop this morning. I bought books for myself and he for his kids.
We grabbed some great vegetarian lunch at MQuarter but the malls were a bit too upmarket for us to buy gifts.
After that I caught a train to Mo Chit and now braving the bus to the airport. It’s airconned though so not so bad.
The best thing about today was:
Finding some good books at Dasa. More to add to the pile.
Something I learned today?
As with yesterday I learned more about getting around Bangkok. I feel like I used to feel while visiting London, nice to visit but not to live.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I found a small present for Amy at the airport.
It’s actually hard to find things for her as she can just buy whatever she wants (within reason of course) but this time I thought that I should at least bring something back so I found a nice pandan snack at the airport.
I also found a gratitude word search book that I will give to Baipad but first I want to see if there is anything inside that I can use for my grade 8 classes too.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
Getting around in Bangkok transit was a bit of a challenge and annoyed me at first but as trains were fairly regular and I considered the cost, it started to feel more comfortable.
I took this picture to remember us old uncles meeting again in Bangkok.
Like Jack, I ran quickly from my dreams Eager to discover what it all means In the moment, exploring the themes Is anything at all what it seems? – Put it down on paper – To review this endless caper
I found a box and put time inside
Was it living or was it writing? It’s only myself that I’m fighting A jazz dance in the underlighting Each pair of eyes met, newly smitten Fresh fruit waiting to be bitten Another story begging to be written – Late nights spent on the town – Running home to get it down
I found a box and put time inside
And when I meet my future me I’ll open the box to look and see Words pressed, sentimental free Whether tragedy or victory – Presented here from me to you – A diary of everything I do
I found a box and put time inside
Submitted to No Theme Thursday and dVerse Meeting The Bar (bop poem) Inspired by the movie The Subterreans, based on the Jack Kerouac novel of the same name, where one of Jack’s girlfriends criticises him for always running off to go and write about the events of the night whilst he could have stayed and enjoyed more adventures. For some reason, this interaction always stuck with me. Either way, WordPress provides a box of time for our future selves.
Today I’m feeling:
Anxious this morning. I woke up well before my alarm thinking about going to Bangkok and preparing for school next week.
Starting to relax a bit as I wait for the plane as I leave control to others for an hour or so until landing again.
Today I’m grateful for:
The crazy mixed-up rail options in Bangkok for helping learn more about getting around and gauging travel times. It’s also helped me achieve 10,000 steps easily.
The best thing about today was:
Meeting old friends and new ones at the show tonight. First Nampan and Pam from SpeechOdd.
Then Team, who is a young uni student that contacted me last week trying to make connections to put together a screamo band. Later, another young guy called Poom bought some screamo from me so I introduced them to each other.
Of course, I met Arwith and his bandmates in Piri Ries.
I met Sano-san from Low Fat again and exchanged CDs.
I briefly talked with Fern who is the owner of the venue.
Nampan introduced me to the High Voltage folks.
I also met one of the guys from ADxHD (Korea) who also plays in Struggle Session (China).
Another guy came up to me and asked if I was Shaun and if I remembered him? It was Sasha from Russia! I met him about nine years ago in Kuala Lumpur when we were both staying with Kimi!
It is a little sad to think how small our world is because it feels like there are so few of us interested in this music. But it is amazing to bump into random connections anywhere in the world.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Just my sweat. Thankfully I bought an extra pair of clothes as I was expecting this.
Something I learned today?
Coming from Don Muang, don’t get off the train at Chatuchak for Chatuchak market! Even the nearest station at Bang Sue is a fair walk.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I left some stock free of charge at Heaven and Hell. Poowanat gifted me a CD in return.
I sold some merch at a discounted price at the show and also gifted the venue the Trumans Water and Flesh Narc CDs.
I took this picture because I finally got to see SpeechOdd play.
Quiet and confused but more settled throughout the day.
Today I’m grateful for:
The end of the holidays!
As often happens I end up deleting lots of things that keep me updated with news from around the world. This time I’ve deleted a lot of subscriptions to reports from the USA or geopolitics that generally involves the USA. It’s sad and frustrating to watch the wild thrashes of a beast in its death throes so I’m putting out of my sight.
The best thing about today was:
I went out to get some sodas and dropped in to see if Baipad was back home now, which she was and I chatted with her for a few minutes.
She seemed ok and was glad to be back from her Grandmum’s though as soon as she was back her cat knocked her phone to the floor and broke it!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Yesterday’s roller coaster of emotions ended on a sour note, as even though Amy had eventually been happy and grateful and affectionate towards me I couldn’t shake the rest of the bad feelings out and when, as she often does, she drunkenly came to me for sex I calmly said that I wasn’t interested tonight and was annoyed at the fact this only usually happens when she is drunk. When I’m rebutted in my approaches at other times I will laugh it off and wait for another day.
To be approached when drunk feels insulting to me. I know I shouldn’t feel like this but it had been a long day for me and I was nowhere near in a loving mood.
And Amy took great umbrage at this and stormed off slamming doors and going to the other bedroom. I left it for a while and came and asked her back into our bedroom and cuddled her til we both slept.
Although there were no hostilities this morning Amy didn’t want to communicate and so I was as pleasant as I could be and left her to it. We continued the day quietly without talking further about what happened in particular. I feel OK but could also feel better.
Something I learned today?
Sydney Swans are top of the table in the AFL after beating GWS and Geelong losing to Melbourne. It’s a bit of a surprise, to be honest. The media rarely focus much on the Swans as they have just been a consistent team without flash or bravado and they (the media) focuses on the Melbourne teams for gossip and rivalry.
And Ipswich Town have won their last game of the season to make it back into the Premier League next year. Wow!
And then double wow, stumbling across a video podcast of interviews with Ipswich legends from my youth. I watched one episode today with George Burley. Amazing.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Great, after accidentally enjoying an extra hour of sleep. Exercise felt a little easier and I’m even doing a little Thai writing practice in-between sets. A three-coffee Utopia morning sets me up for the rest of the day.
Today I’m grateful for:
The two fish that fed us, the fishermen that caught them, the chefs that prepared them and Nut for collecting them. Thank you fish, I know I am a hypocrite to take your lives for mine.
The best thing about today was:
Sudden inspiration whilst reading other poetry and prompts that ended up with me writing more words that I’m proud of.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I had to wait a long time this afternoon as Amy was enjoying drinking with Nut and I was not having a good time at all despite the good food.
The atmosphere was off as Nut and Bruno bickered with each other, sometimes seeming nasty to me and infecting Amy to take some shots at me too.
I was happy to leave her there and pick her up later but she wanted me to wait.
Finally, she felt sick and wanted to leave though she has a second wind now and screaming loudly singing along to her favourite songs and dancing in the living room, whilst I’ve come to the bedroom to write this.
She also just came and gave me a hug and thanked me for being a good husband (perhaps for putting up with her drunken mood swings or letting her get on with being Amy).
Something I learned today?
Despite Monday the 6th being a national holiday we are meant to be at school. This prompted me to send messages to Kru Tang and Kru Mai that I would be on leave that day and also on the 20th.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Amy was in a bad mood because we had forgotten to bring the beer to take to Nut and Bruno’s for lunch. As I wasn’t drinking I didn’t think anything about the bag sitting on the dining room table as I went out to open the gate to prepare to leave.
When Amy realised later that we didn’t have the bag with us she blamed me for forgetting it or at least for not thinking to help her with it.
Honestly, it wasn’t even that big of a deal to me as we stopped at a shop and bought more beer but Amy couldn’t let it go and her car door slamming carried over to me and I took on her bad mood.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
This afternoon was a challenge, not just because of what was happening but also how I was thinking about it. I wondered if we are still compatible, still love each other or want to be together? What would happen if we decided not to stay together any longer.
I recognise, now that it is later, that these are just the negative thought patterns that I can easily conjure but are not clear reality. Thoughts that float on down the river.
Thailand to the left, Laos to the right. Mae Khong.
Tired after all the running around yesterday. Woke up to mountain-less white skies as the smoke descends.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s student turning up for her online class today at 1 pm forcing me out into my room where I played guitar for the first time this week. It’s been so hot that I just haven’t bothered going out there even though the air con cools things down fairly quickly.
I caught up on a few other things while I was out there too, so it’s been a reasonably productive day.
The best thing about today was:
Writing an excellent poem for the first contest that I ever chose to enter on the AllPoetry site only to find that in between the time that I started writing and finishing half an hour later, the contest had closed! I laughed at my bad luck but smiled at the quality of my work.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
(See above)
Something I learned today?
An undercover reporter has an alleged CIA agent admitting that they withheld information from President Trump that China shared all its data about the Covid outbreak in Wuhan. So whilst Trump was busy blaming China for withholding that info it was, in fact, his own government.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I do this every day at Utopia or House, and sometimes at other cafes and restaurants, but I always take back my finished cups to the counter to save the staff a few seconds having to clean up after me.
Who do I want to spend more time with this month?
This one is easy.
My students! I miss them a lot, their energy, excitement, drama, learning gives me inspiration.
I took this picture because these two little flowers had suddenly appeared on our cactus. They had closed up again by evening time.
1994ever 