Great for getting up a few minutes earlier, working out and beating the traffic to work. This morning, all the kids were in happy, playful moods, so it was a good start to the day.
Mondays are pretty easy for me, even with 5 hours in class, so I felt relaxed even though I had to rush some coffees and didn’t get much writing done.
Today I’m grateful for:
The students who have been dragged into performing a play this year. Most of them are my students, either currently or in the past. I was teaching next door to where they were practising, and they pulled me in to help them with some pronunciation practice. I felt grateful that they knew that they could come to me for help.
Even though I’m already busy, I offered to help them when I had some spare time.
The best thing about today was:
My grade 8 student Manow, who for parts of last semester was shy and wary of me, had her 14th birthday today and as I called her up to the board to do the last piece of work for the class, I announced (though everyone knew) that it was her birthday and we all proceeded to sing Happy Birthday for her.
She then shared out her cake, which she had been carrying around all day and as there were only ten minutes left for the class, it quickly got devoured.
She has warmed up to me a little more now that she realises that I am there to help her with learning. She’s not great at English, but I give her encouragement for her effort.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I got home, I was happy to see that the gardeners had been and things were looking tidier again (until you look closely anyway). I was appreciative that they had left alone the part of the garden I cordoned off and asked Amy to remind them to leave, too.
But then, Amy told me to go and look out in the drive, and there were the sad remains of two of our best ghost cactuses. Sigh.
Amy asked me to pay the gardener, which has left me well short of cash this month. I asked her to send pictures of our ravaged cactuses and to ask them to take more care.
Something I learned today?
Sydney Swans beat Geelong yesterday, and I was able to at least watch the 15-minute mini-match, though things weren’t looking good as we went six goals down and didn’t get our first into deep into the second quarter. Things came together after that, though, and things are looking positive for the future this season.
It’s kind of annoying that this season, when we are doing so well, is the first season I haven’t been able to watch the full matches. I’m still not going to fork out a week’s wages for a subscription, though.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I took Baipad a piece of Amy’s carrot cake this morning.
When I showed this picture to Jet, she said she suddenly felt hungry for fried chicken!
Life forever felt like a struggle We were constantly despised Together we slowly gathered – We aren’t the freaks I realised
The tribes became a legion We held hands and joyously cried All wishing for a better life – We aren’t the freaks you realised
With a quiet determination And through all the things we tried So we came to change the world – We aren’t the freaks we realised
Inspired by a thought by Norman Brannon in the Anti-Matter Anthology
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good again. I did sleep an hour beyond my alarm but was able to force myself to exercise again.
I want to vacuum my room and sit and do some writing, if possible today. Admittedly, I don’t feel like writing when I’m at home, preferring to be in a cafe where there are less distracting options.
Today I’m grateful for:
The carrot cake that Amy made whilst I was drinking my coffee this morning. After a couple of hours in the fridge, I ate it for my dinner.
The best thing about today was:
Getting lots of things done in my room today, including vacuuming up all the dried-up lizard shit.
I read a bunch of poetry, wrote three new poems and started analysing some texts for a blackout poem. I only managed to play a little guitar because I got distracted talking with Team in Bangkok about his latest EP and then figuring out whether to make some CDs for it too.
I also got a little bit of work done and prepared for this coming week.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Despite getting lots done, I still ran out of time with lots of other little things having to wait.
Something I learned today?
94% of the USA want to end the war in Ukraine. But they don’t get to decide that.
I took this picture because I’ve been struggling to take pictures recently, and I can see these becoming a daily photo opportunity following their lives from egg to flight!
Pretty good, more than most of my recent Saturday mornings.
Today I’m grateful for:
Cap scratching at the door after he heard my alarm. I was going to get more sleep, but I got up for him and decided to exercise. I want to try to get out of my five-day routine and into a seven-day routine instead.
The best thing about today was:
Finding our little birdies had hatched. At first, when I went out to look in the nest, it looked like the eggs had been broken and the liquid inside had spilled out.
I told Amy to come and look with a sad face and shaking my head, but when she came, suddenly these two little beaks appeared, open to the sky though they were still too young to make any noise.
I had noticed earlier in the day that both the mum and dad had been around at the nest, so it seemed that they had just been born, maybe even just within the hour.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy’s parent’s gutter specialists came today and said they can fix our gutter easily, quickly and for the same price as the last builder that fucked it up.
They said that it was obvious that the guy didn’t know what he was doing so Amy and I both felt vindicated on the shit that we’ve been giving him online. Amy also noticed that he’d removed many of his old posts and thought perhaps we weren’t the only people that he had ripped off.
Either way, we hope to have proper gutters back on Wednesday.
Something I learned today?
Art at Utopia video called with Noey, who is in the USA, whilst I was drinking my coffee this morning. She is on some kind of working holiday during her semester break.
She said that she is eating pizza every day and misses rice! The only coffee she has now is black drip coffee and at the place she works, some kind of amusement park, a cup is $4.22 and hardly anyone buys it!
It’s a good experience for her and she looks like she is enjoying herself. It is also a reminder for me that most of the USA is ok, normal and people are generally getting on with their lives.
A serial killer, an oil driller Hardened by wooden toys A road rager, black death plaguer Once were blue-eyed boys
A nasty bitch, the spiteful witch Waving a demonic wand A dirty washup, a wicked gossip Once were fair and blond
Even the spawn of Satan Was once a lovely child Depending on the road that’s taken Arrives either mild or wild
Submitted to WDYS #241, this picture is way too cute not to take a completely opposite run at it. That’s just the way my brain works sometimes!
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty energised and happy, coffeed up, I enjoyed talking, teaching and playing with my students (and other random ones, too).
I talked with Baipad and a couple of her classmates about the gory videos they were shown in class and told Baipad that this was a great opportunity for her to stand up for herself and make her opinion known. I tried to convince them that their opinions are valid and whilst they may not be listened to, they have the right to be expressed.
I could see from her face that she knew this but wasn’t able to steel herself to do it. Still, it’s early steps in showing support and one day, hopefully, she will be brave enough to stand up for herself.
The first two classes were grade 11, so they were pretty well behaved (though still have to put my foot down every now and then) and after a quick break, onto the grade 8 scoundrels who were entertaining, and, with gently prodding, made fairly valiant attempts at their reading.
As I was on my way out, I ducked into Kru David’s class and helped some of the bored and dejected students who were struggling with being asked to write a very simple poem.
As I had no pressure, I had time to explain to a couple of students what the idea was about and how to complete it, and they seemed to get the gist. Of course, when you are the only teacher in the room, it’s difficult to get around to all those strugglers and walk them through things more simply so that they can understand.
Today I’m grateful for:
A Facebook message from my students Baitoey and Piano saying that they missed me. I was happy to receive it, though not sure exactly why they sent it as I bump into them around school almost every day.
The best thing about today was:
A positive feeling through most of the day without any exceptional highs or best thing that stands out.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
While teaching in the new building and in the room where Kru Pooky sits whilst I’m teaching, I got a bit annoyed that she kept asking various students to go and run errands for her.
When we were about to start an online quiz, I asked her where my student was and told her that he needed to be here in my class. I didn’t push it any further than that, but hopefully, she understood my intention. This is the Thai way to try to deal with Thais doing things in a Thai way!
Something I learned today?
Duolingo, which I make all my students use for 5 minutes a day, has introduced what looks like a reasonably good AI chat component to its teaching practice. Hopefully, some of my students can benefit from this.
And whilst looking at the app to see if they’ve added Thai (which they haven’t, yet they have Klingon) I found that they have added music and math, so I’m looking into the music one just for fun.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I offered Aida a friendly ear if she needed to talk to someone over the weekend.
Today I’m feeling: Up early again and feeling a little brighter and more positive after yesterday’s relative successes.
My first class went well as they had been suitably chastised by their homeroom teacher so they were quietly obedient for the first 30 minutes or so. As they got more comfortable though they soon fell back into their playful selves. At least I was a little more relaxed about it this time.
After that, my grade 12’s were a breeze and they surprised me a little with their capabilities. I’m guiding them slowly through IELTS speaking practice and whilst their speaking skills aren’t in place yet, I’m happy to see that their thinking skills are. Much as I am with Thai, they can understand more than they can speak, so I will let them build on this slowly.
I ducked out to House and managed to pen a couple of poems that I’m proud of and I think that my skills in this regard are improving too, so that was a good break for me – though not long enough!
Back into it for the last class of the day, which is always a struggle. I made sure the kids knew that I wasn’t messing around and when they finally got in line, they listened, helped each other and were able to finish. I rewarded them by letting them go early.
At home, things are quiet, though slowly returning to normal (I think!). With my lack of money, I can’t do some things that I had hoped to surprise Amy with to try to help things along. I’ll have to use my imagination.
Today I’m grateful for: Meeting Nay at House this afternoon. She was there with friends when I arrived and I jokingly asked her if she could make my coffee, to which she laughed and declined.
The best thing about today was: Probably the delicious curry that Amy made for me when I got home. My day was pretty good all round. I felt not too tired and quite upbeat.
I wasn’t particularly hungry but knew that I soon would be and I scoffed the lot. Actually, I’m not a scoffer, I take my time over food, but I did eat every last scrap.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
After the struggle of my first class (grade 8s), the pleasure of my second class (grade 12s) I was both delighted and frustrated to see Kru David’s class of grade 7s all diligently listening and paying attention.
Maybe they will start acting up the more comfortable they get, but good for David, as he has struggled with the grade 8 and 9s that I constantly battle with but love so much.
Something I learned today?
UK paratroopers recreating the D-Day landings for the anniversary were forced to immediately go through French Passport Control since the UK is no longer part of the EU. All of this was captured on video.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10 Baipad messaged me this evening that her Thai teacher for the subject of health education starting showing gory videos at the end of their class. She wrote “He says something positive and then opens a video where the man got eaten by a bear and says don’t think too positive” WTF!
I can understand the message that he wants to teach but surely not the best way to go about it!
Baipad said she had to look away as he played more and that other students felt traumatised by it.
I told her that she should tell her homeroom teacher in the morning but that I will talk with her and the other students first to see if they want to make an issue of it or not. It’s very typical Thai style to not stand up for yourself though.
Flat and down. I have no classes today as the kids will study online and no one has asked us farang teachers to do that. I still had to come to school to sign in though and now sitting at House, reading and writing.
I’m reading about resilience as I plan to teach about it in the future and I’m doing my best to keep myself up but the uncertainty at home has me rattled. I know that I have to do some things to improve the situation.
Reading about resilience this morning made me consider that I am very good at the world view, dealing with big generalities but not so good at the one-on-one and personal. I need to make some changes.
Today I’m grateful for:
There being no kids at school today, just a few kicking around doing various sports, allowing me free time, in the morning to read and write and in the afternoon to run around sorting things out (see below).
The best thing about today was:
Getting both our bike and car tax sorted out quickly and easily today. Different to last year, we got up to the drive-through booth and I handed both sets of paperwork and the lady there didn’t say we had to do one and leave and come back to do the other like last time but she did say that we had to pay cash (not scan) for the motorbike one. Neither of us had any cash so I told Amy I would come back and do it later.
Anyway, after doing the car tax and paying off my four speeding fines the lady then proceeded to do the motorbike one and said we could scan! What was that about? Well, never mind – we got it all done, quick and easy.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As we were driving to the transport office I got a call from FedEx about the shipment of records from Taiwan and found out the customs tax on them is 3500 baht!
Thinking that I maybe had a bunch of other speeding tickets to pay, maybe up to 10 I was seeing my money disappear rapidly. I only got paid yesterday and already more than 10,000 has gone already!
Anyway, what can I do? If I don’t pay they will get sent back and I’d lose a shit ton more money. I don’t think I’ll be doing much vinyl anymore.
Something I learned today?
I read up about Charon’s Obol and wrote a poem that references it.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I messaged for a little while with Aida and she told me about how her mum has been beating her since she was little.
She said that her dad left before she was born and I’m guessing that her mum has a lot of unresolved issues. I don’t get how parents can beat their children though. It’s wrong.
How do I feel about the year so far?
The year is the year, things have happened, mostly good, some bad and stressful.
Right now I’m not feeling particularly positive but I feel certain that is just my brain focusing on the negative more than all the good things that are in my life.
Slowly sipping on iced lemon teas Savouring the freshness of the breeze – Who will prepare the food to bring? – Who will push and pull the swing?
Feet put up and nestled with a read Imagining there’s nothing else to need – Who will make sure the dog is fed? – Who is gonna bake the daily bread?
When the body is settled in for rest And doing nothing then becomes a test – Who will ensure the grass is mown? – And cut the trees that are overgrown?
Dreaming of more of these lazy days Wondering what the bee to the flower says – Who’s gonna counter the middle-aged spread? – The time to sleep is when you’re dead
Tired, dizzy and upset. I slept very badly, waking at 4 am thinking about Amy and how I haven’t been supportive enough of her.
I was remembering that I had written that when Amy returned from Australia it would be good for her to get some business going and every time we have talked about it it has just felt impossible, in that it feels like it would be too much work for too little return.
Along with the many events since she got back, Grandmum passing, her brother’s wedding (and various issues that that has raised) and friends visiting, it hasn’t really but been easy for her to focus on starting a business too.
But now I feel that this may be able to focus her attention away from sitting around at home and brewing and stewing about things going on.
I started to wonder if one of the reasons that I am generally happier is because I am busy all the time. I don’t have time to think about the little annoying things that bother me. Maybe Amy needs that distraction.
I wanted to talk to her this morning about this but she is very grumpy and short with me. When I asked what was wrong she just said that it was her problem and no one else could help her. She said it’s nothing about me, that I do everything right, I’m a good husband and she needs to be by herself.
Of course, that could mean anything. Will she leave again? Will she leave for good?
I’m really upset about all this but still have to keep my head for work at school. I’d rather be sleeping and not having to think about all this. Wild scenarios are playing out in my head and none of them are particularly good.
Today I’m grateful for:
My umbrella. For my last class (grade 10s) I gave a brief overview of two pieces of work that I wanted them to do, whilst at the same time we would go to the gym to watch one of the students playing volleyball. Just as we arrived there though the game finished.
I sent the work to our chat group and most of them started doing it whilst a few seemingly slipped away (but I will catch them!). As they started working though, a huge storm came and flooded the school and also trapped us in the gym on the other side of the football pitch. We were stuck there for about an hour and I helped everyone who was having difficulty (and I’m chasing those who got away now this evening).
Having planned ahead and bringing my umbrella I made my way back across the field and into the flood! Some kids were trying their best to stay dry whilst others took advantage of the slippery playground and dived headlong across the basketball court.
The best thing about today was:
A poem that I wrote today. Somewhat inspired by events as written here, it was a challenge to write using lots of metaphors and I feel like I did it well.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Not being in the best of moods I struggled with my first class (grade 8s) this morning as they were unfocussed and doing their very best to wind me up. I ended up choosing a group of about ten boys, some of who were messing around and I asked them to leave. Things were a bit easier after that though still a struggle.
I sent a message to their homeroom teacher and deducted 5 points from everyone for their disrespect and then tried to forget about it.
Looking back at old entries here I can see that I have said before that it seems that each year’s students seem to be less and less able (generally speaking) and so it seems this year. I am teaching out of a book that I used with grade 7s a couple of years ago and many of these grade 8s just look at me bewildered!
I had texted a message to Amy earlier with what I wrote above in the What I’m Feeling section and when I got home she was very upset at what she perceived as an attack on her. Whilst that was not my intention at all I listened as she finally started to open up and get things off her chest.
(Reading back what I wrote I don’t really see an attack on her (of course we all perceive things differently) and I was really just thinking out loud because there was no communication at all last night)
As she was talking I thought perhaps I have misunderstood some things – particularly when it comes to her happiness. She tells me that she is happy with things at home, with us but not with the things that she can’t control such as the family issue and dealing with the bullshit builder.
I said that I thought that she was unhappy because of all these things and always talking about returning to Australia. So perhaps I misread some of this and so she took affront at me trying to find ways to keep her busy.
She is a very good homemaker, a great cook and takes care of most everything around the house and I certainly appreciate that about her. I do not want her to leave me here again for a long period of time if it’s possible. Yes, we can both survive by ourselves but I was only happy doing that knowing that we were still together, talking every day and supporting each other.
Amy says that I am very involved with my work and students and perhaps that is something that I need to pull back from somewhat. I know that whilst Amy was away I put all my love into little Kim Chi and all my heart into my work. Now that she’s here again I need to shift my focus back to her.
We are both still upset and ruminating but at least some talking has happened and we both understand each other a little better.
Something I learned today?
I was chatting with Lin and though she was frustrated that she couldn’t say everything that she wanted in English she did very well. I suggested that next year she change to the English Program but then she told me that her parents want her to be a doctor.
I asked her what she wanted to be and she semi-seriously said a K-pop idol. I asked if she could sing and she sang me a little song. I then asked her about dancing and she said she could but she was too shy to demonstrate.
When I suggested that being shy won’t help her to be an idol she changed her mind to be a gangster’s wife!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I chide myself for my selfishness and lack of understanding of the person closest to me in my life.
I chide myself for a lack of imagination and taking things for granted when it comes to taking care of our relationship.
So-so. Despite thinking that I might get up at my usual time of 6am I slept for another couple of hours. I feel less tired than yesterday but still not ready for action.
I did feel inspired enough to bring my laptop to Utopia and caught up on some poetry reading and a little writing. I may do some more lesson planning. I should, but I also may not!
Today I’m grateful for:
My old friends from When Chimps Attack. I messaged Tommy recently after he had posted a picture of himself and Aaron at a show in Sydney.
Tommy had been in London for the past ten years or so but he said things were so grim there now that he came back but that he was struggling a little bit on his return too. I told how I had felt there back in October – pretty similar.
Tommy also passed on Aaron’s email address and I wrote him today and look forward to hearing from him.
I know Jon and Ama live in Sydney again and wondering if Aaron has moved back too? A Chimps reunion?
The best thing about today was:
Playing guitar after a couple of days break. I managed to improve a little on last time and I felt good for that.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Around 4pm I went out to my room to catch up on some emails and play guitar. Amy came out about ten minutes later and propositioned me.
As I had just sat down to do something else I was hardly in the mood, and these days I’m less in the mood a lot of the time.
My libido is definitely dropping off and I have no thoughts of looking elsewhere for satisfaction. I love Amy and am committed to her but it’s not easy for me to just put myself in the mood these days. This is not helped by Amy usually propositioning when she has been drinking which isn’t very flattering for me. Are beer goggles needed to look upon me now?
Having said that, when the time is right for both of us I still have the best orgasms that I’ve ever had with her.
Sadly, today she seems to be offended by my rejection and has locked herself in the second bedroom and won’t even communicate anything. I was frustrated enough to try and kick the door in but gave up, considering that it would make things worse.
What happens next when she comes out? I will try to just behave as normal and ignore her actions and try to smooth things over when she has calmed down.
Something I learned today?
All the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are set to 4:20.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gave candy to both Art’s at Utopia this morning.
Whilst I was there Amy called me because I had taken the car as I had planned to do some work at Utopia and wasn’t sure if it would rain or not. Amy suddenly decided to go for a spa and massage and needed the car immediately, so I drove back home and swapped over to the motorbike to go back to my coffee.
I took this picture because I’m trying to get this plant to grow over the top of the old roof frame. With the rain, it will grow like crazy and I just need to keep going along the beams.
If you’re going to fight the universe Learn to become wise first Else you’ll spend time sulking in corners Where thoughts become the worst
Joys are formed deep within Even on the path of most resistance Prepare well for the journey ahead Is the teacher’s eternal insistence
Inspired by a Sadhguru quote and a student who loves to battle with me in class (and obviously reminds me much of myself at that age) 19th Oct 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Ahead
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and slow which is surprising to me as I did next to nothing yesterday and should feel refreshed. Is my body telling me that I need to rest more or that I need to be doing more?
During the workweek, I’m switched on and ready to go and can usually get up at 6 am without any problem. I’m enthusiastic and inspired. But with nothing planned to wake up for in the morning, it’s like I’ve died!
Yesterday I didn’t write and didn’t get to play guitar despite having hours of free time.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s safe return and wanting to go straight from the airport to Makro to buy ingredients and cook.
Even though only gone a few days and knowing I’m able to take care of feeding myself, I was struggling to be bothered a little yesterday so I’m glad to have my personal chef back at home!
The best thing about today was:
Nothing in particular. I ran out of energy soon after picking up Amy. She even thought that I was hungover and I kinda felt like that.
I napped for a little while in the late afternoon and have recovered some energy from that but also ready for an early night and long sleep, with another day off tomorrow.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy was talkative whilst we were eating but my brain still wasn’t working properly. She was, fairly slowly, drinking small glasses of wine but seemed to me to be getting louder. I could feel some tension within me because of that but I knew it was my problem and not hers.
After eating I went to the bedroom and read until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.
Something I learned today?
You can buy some highly discounted items on the Bath and Body Works website, so I stocked up the cart and will purchase once I get paid!
19th Feb 2025 – Money ran short so that I never bought anything in the end.
In the maze presented ahead each day Unable to navigate true It is possible to get completely lost But there is always someone who Will find you and take you by the hand And guide you back to your bed A breadcrumb trail in the form of a friend Keeping you one step ahead
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed. Enjoyed a lazy sleep-in listening to the light rain outside this morning.
After coffee, I did some work and catching up on emails and then in the afternoon got sucked into watching music reaction videos.
Today I’m grateful for:
Quiet (as such). No one else around, nothing specifically to do, nowhere to be.
The best thing about today was:
I picked up my book to start reading at midday but then started watching videos and did a little weeding and tidying up in the garden (maybe 20 minutes max!) and it was about 6pm when I actually got to read!
I finished the chapter about Africa up until about the start of the Second World War and the rise of the anti-colonialist movements there.
Something I learned today?
Nicha sent me a heart message this morning. I’m assuming that means she’s doing ok.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent a follow-up message to Aida though don’t expect her to answer as she doesn’t usually respond on the weekends. I will try and talk some more with her next week though.
I also encouraged the students who did reading for me and that I listened to this morning. I love to see the kids improve their reading skills but it is definitely a chore to listen to the same text over and over!
1994ever 