Is this matrix worthwhile? I miss her, I miss her so Broken hearts will mend in time I know, I know, yes, I know
Inside broken poetry Made a home from a dead heart We are creatures made to love And duty-bound, play our part
She has gone and I’m still here The cosmic universe chose She’s shown me that I’m worth it Back to the matrix she goes
Inspired, borrowed and paraphrased into seven-syllable lines from the question and answer at The Red Hand Files #293
The Decline and Fall of the British Empire, 1781-1997 by Piers Brendon (reviewed at Goodreads.com)
I love the language used in this book though it did make it a little bit of a slog but, as an Englishman myself, this was a fascinating journey. Somehow, in my youth, I was aware of the way things were going in Britain and got myself out just before the end of this book, the handover of Hong Kong.
I was appalled at the lies and deceit of the Empire and thoroughly enjoyed following its decline. I also noted how the USA was (hypocritically) critical of Britain’s colonialism before they stepped into the breach after WW2. And it fills me with warmth to see the USA making the same mistakes since then, and being able to watch their own empire’s decline in real time.
The dream is dead, since the sixties Turned to the seventies, nice and sleazy Endless wars processed the hippies and pixies Economic vandals left a peace uneasy
Was it in our name, the forever fight for peace? Did we ever question what’s going on here? The grabs for land then returned for lease The struggle for survival, a punishment severe
Can the decks be cleared with genocide? The algorithms are running the numbers There’s no longer a place to hide And we’re left holding only clunkers
Sign away our lives with disappearing ink Fingers crossed and handshakes informal Accustomed to shit we no longer smell the stink This is the new normal – abnormal
*Sometimes I feel like I’m living with a stranger I’m talking to myself The branches hang down to the stream A tilt to somewhere else That I don’t know
Words are gathered and turned to stone Scratch and blow to see old bones I don’t know why
We keep it tethered, our world unfeathered We’re out of step, so don’t forget To keep your ear to the ground
Returning home to meet the stranger She’s talking to herself From scratch, she bakes such lovely cakes But words are somewhere else That I don’t know
We tilt until the room is feathered Or blow until the stone is gathered I don’t know why
I can see her avalanches turn into sharpened branches To break her bones, so don’t forget To keep your head to the ground
*Lifted from Three’s Swann Street as are the rhymes and rhythms. Submitted to No Theme Thursday (the two pictures) and The Sunday Whirl Wordle #669. This poem partially reflects on the time with my second wife, Kyoko and how, eventually, our cultural backgrounds couldn’t be overcome.
Grim-grey, red-crusted eyes shuck open A dim day where dirty sheets beckon to stay A vice-like grip holds firm the thoughts Let slip to stay trapped in false reports
Thick treacled repetition day by day Unequalled headache, a pacifier Deep inside, uncoughable gunk sits Wait and hide for uncontrollable fits
Thick wet air sinks from dark dead sky To hang there; infect pock-marked lungs Ventilate oxygen relief, breathe deep to keep Concentrate belief to dream continued sleep
Written about my struggles with the remnants of a recent second infection of Covid 19.
Slow and lazy. Slept until 8.30 and felt lethargic even after morning coffee.
The sun made it out in the morning and the rain looked distant in the mountains, but by 2p,m it was back and after our car service, we drove over the river into the city and it is already flooded over the side roads.
Health:
Physical: 6 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
The folks at Nissan for not fucking around and servicing our car in under two hours. Hopefully, they did more than just clean it. I didn’t recognise it at first because it was so shiny and new-looking again.
They said everything was good, though. I don’t care much about cars so long as they work and little Almy has been doing a good job.
The best thing about today was:
Finding some decent words to describe my current feeling of my second post-covid experience.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I didn’t make it out to my room today, as I was tired and our plans changed throughout the morning. I haven’t played guitar for almost two weeks now.
I just run out of energy and motivation at home these days and end up watching videos.
I haven’t read many books this year either, though I have read a fuck-ton more poetry.
Feeling a little under the weather for the last few weeks hasn’t helped but I hope I can wean myself off the videos and back to books and guitar again.
Something I learned today?
I was finally able to access the EDSY online trial that some of my students have been trying and was surprised to find Milk, who struggles a lot with English, was #1 of all the students, even beating Momo by a couple of points.
It looks like a reasonable tool to use but I feel that there are some components missing that don’t motivate the students to improve.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
As I checked Milk and Momo’s work in EDSY, I messaged them both to give them encouragement and advise on little things that they could do to improve.
I took these pictures because it was haircut day today. HoiTod reminds me so much of Kim, same size, colour and affection.
A little bit of everything. I could not force myself up with my alarm this morning. I felt a dark ache around my nose, like having a cold but with no other symptoms. Maybe it’s just a covid hangover. I’m still coughing up mucus from my chest but it’s not clearing at all.
I slept for an extra 30 minutes before getting up and slowly started to wind up for the day. And once I was going, I was fine.
My first two classes with grade 11s were both easy and enjoyable. A quick dash out for another coffee and back for cat-herding my grade 8s, who still managed to make me laugh.
Health:
Physical: 6 Mental: 8
Today I’m grateful for:
Yoghurt being in stock at Makro and when I arrived there, I was directed to a parking space that was undercover from the rain. Perfect.
The best thing about today was:
…there’s not one thing that stands out in particular. My time at school was very enjoyable all around.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy told me that it had been raining at home all day and it came to school in the afternoon with torrential downpours.
When I got home, Amy wanted to go down to the bridge at the end of our Soi where she could see people gathering. It was already flooding on the other side of the bridge and runoff water spilt into the rice field. If the rice field fills, then our houses are next.
It’s stopped raining here but still falling up in the mountains and all that water will be heading down here at some point.
Amy is panicking a little as she sees pictures and stories online of animals and pets being drowned in floods in various parts of the country. I’m not too worried just yet.
Something I learned today?
As Nomsen was lying on the floor to do her work, she accidentally showed off a tattoo across her chest. I asked her about it, and she said that she has six tattoos already! She’s only 13 years old.
She’s not the best student, but she doesn’t seem to be a stereotypically ‘bad’ girl either.
I told her that in Western countries, you must be 18 to get a tattoo (not that that stops everyone, of course).
Review your acts, Good and bad.
At the halfway point of the year, and halfway point of the three years of junior high for my grade 8s, I’m starting to see who will soon give up and not be able to go further.
Somehow, these kids are the most fun to interact with and I will still try to keep pushing them, even just to try and fail but never give up.
I took this picture because it is unusual for Tigger to lie down here and he quickly made himself comfortable.
Softly on the summer breeze, the satin dress Illuminates the room as she steps into the Light, gathered at her chest, the guests Knew not to question the apparent apparition Eyes greyed blue and deep, she will Never be yours to keep, but still…..
Broken by all the glamour and gold Left alone, to suffer the weight of eyes Under the hammer, bought and sold to Everyone, where each time she slowly dies
OK, though I fleetingly contemplated sleeping some more just because I was enjoying it so much but I was able to force myself up and exercise and feel pretty good for that.
My dreams were based on running around with my grade 8s after our class yesterday. The dreams were as enjoyable as the class.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 8
Today I’m grateful for:
Different teachers helping me to find rooms to teach in, as both my normal rooms were taken over today by students preparing plays to perform next week. Typically, I only found out by accident, by translating some Thai messages between teachers and realising that it affected me too.
It was all easily sorted and worked out in my favour in the end, too.
The best thing about today was:
Ending up teaching my afternoon class of grade 8s in what is called the Slope Room. It is basically a small theatre/lecture room and as the floor slopes….that’s how it got its name.
There was already another class of students in there but they were just taking advantage of the air conditioning and weren’t studying. It’s a big room, so I said that they could stay if they sat at the back quietly and as they were all glued to their phones anyway, it wasn’t a problem.
I gave my students a randomised online quiz based on the six previous reading texts I’d given them, which they should all have had written in their books, catching out those who didn’t bother writing or had left their books at home. I also told them that they had to keep retaking the quiz until they got 80% correct answers, and as the questions were randomised, it wasn’t so easy for them to just remember correct answers the next time they played.
Slowly, most of the more diligent students managed to complete the task, whilst others called me over to help them, and together we used their books and I led them through finding the answers in the text.
This was the best part of the exercise as the students slowly realised how they can help themselves in the future. I think that they also enjoyed being in a different environment from the usual stuffy classroom.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As described above, having to change classrooms at short notice, which could have been frustrating, turned out well enough and even pleasurable with the powerful aircon in the Slope Room.
Something I learned today?
A couple of days ago, Momo told me about a new online tool her class is using called EDSY, and today I tried to use it, but couldn’t find a way to create an account. Momo pointed me to the website, which in turn directed me to a LINE account, where I eventually found out that it is being used as a trial project between the school and EDSY.
Amazing that I find out these things from students and not from our school!
Also, Takky came over this evening and said that his department had been approached for an English camp by someone at the school. They were offering to pay just 6000 baht for two days, teaching 150 kids! I chuckled when he told me.
I took these pictures with Nudee’s phone as she had left it on the table when she went outside the room. I didn’t realise that it was hers and when she came back in, she didn’t look amused and left again. Some others pulled me over and said ‘Period. Period. Nudee’s got her period’, implying that she’s in a bad mood. But at the end of the class, she was laughing and happily sent me the pictures when I asked her. In the pictures are Techit, Auto and Aunwar.
1994ever 