Month: August 2024

Broken Poetry – 31st August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Is this matrix worthwhile?
I miss her, I miss her so
Broken hearts will mend in time
I know, I know, yes, I know

Inside broken poetry
Made a home from a dead heart
We are creatures made to love
And duty-bound, play our part

She has gone and I’m still here
The cosmic universe chose
She’s shown me that I’m worth it
Back to the matrix she goes

Inspired, borrowed and paraphrased into seven-syllable lines from the question and answer at The Red Hand Files #293

The Decline and Fall of the British Empire, 1781-1997 by Piers Brendon
(reviewed at Goodreads.com)

I love the language used in this book though it did make it a little bit of a slog but, as an Englishman myself, this was a fascinating journey. Somehow, in my youth, I was aware of the way things were going in Britain and got myself out just before the end of this book, the handover of Hong Kong.

I was appalled at the lies and deceit of the Empire and thoroughly enjoyed following its decline. I also noted how the USA was (hypocritically) critical of Britain’s colonialism before they stepped into the breach after WW2. And it fills me with warmth to see the USA making the same mistakes since then, and being able to watch their own empire’s decline in real time.

Today I’m feeling:

Sleepy and lazy. Knowing that I have the next six days at home isn’t helping either! 

I want to get myself motivated but my body is holding back my brain.

(Later) Well, I did a bit of reading and finally finished my book.  Onto some sci-fi next for something a little different.

I was able to motivate myself to get out to my room where I did some blogging, writing, listening and guitar playing, which I was glad of but didn’t feel was particularly inspiring.  

Sometimes you just have to go through the motions to work towards that habit.

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s friend Fon, who dropped off a couple of small fish for us yesterday and Amy cooked them up for lunch today.

The best thing about today was:

Eating! I had breakfast, lunch and dinner today, as I’m wondering if my lack of energy is down to not eating enough. I’ll see how I feel tomorrow. 

I’m a couple of kilos up on last week, too, so I need to make sure that if I do get energised, that I work out of again.

Something I learned today?

Art was really excited to tell me this morning that Oasis will play some concerts again and that he would fly to Singapore to see them if he had to!

I took this picture because our visitor came for a chill on the grass this afternoon.

The New Normal – 30th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 22 Comments

The dream is dead, since the sixties
Turned to the seventies, nice and sleazy
Endless wars processed the hippies and pixies
Economic vandals left a peace uneasy

Was it in our name, the forever fight for peace?
Did we ever question what’s going on here?
The grabs for land then returned for lease
The struggle for survival, a punishment severe

Can the decks be cleared with genocide?
The algorithms are running the numbers
There’s no longer a place to hide
And we’re left holding only clunkers

Sign away our lives with disappearing ink
Fingers crossed and handshakes informal
Accustomed to shit we no longer smell the stink
This is the new normal – abnormal

Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Uneasy, Weekend Writing Prompt #378 – Severe (though not 18 words – I always forget that there’s a word limit in Sammi’s prompts!), Monday Poetry Prompt: Abnormal and Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Clunkers. This could also be submitted to dVerse – stormy weather but I already submitted another poem to that.

Today I’m feeling:

Uncertain yet. I slept for about ten hours and could’ve slept more, too. I’m still coughing but it doesn’t feel so much like there’s a hole in my chest.

I’m looking forward to the end of the day already.

(Later) I was a little ill-prepared for my first class, grade 11s doing presentations, as the lesson I had could be completed quickly. 

As this class is fairly lazy, though they didn’t care and spent the rest of the time playing games or sleeping. I did go around engaging them in brief conversations, though. 

The next class were grade 11 too and we did my Scams lesson and it went well and I was particularly happy with Sugus who seems to have been trying harder over the last few weeks. She has improved her English and I made sure to tell her and encourage her.

I dashed off for coffee and caught up with reading at lunchtime before heading back to help the students with the play, cancelling my afternoon grade 8 class.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Having the freedom to cancel a class and accept the invitation from the students to help them with their play. 

I’m not sure what the teacher in charge really thought about it but she was only there briefly anyway.

The best thing about today was:

Watching my second grade 11 class set to the task that I set them for the final hour of the lesson. They all got to it quickly and would ask me for help and advice when they needed it. 

I guess these kids have matured to the point where they just need pointing in the right direction now.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I ended up leaving school later than normal and sent a message to Amy that I’d be running late and she then reminded me that she was going out for dinner, so that I would have to find my own food. 

This meant spending some of what little money I had left this month. What could I do? I have to eat!

Something I learned today?

The last day the students will come to school is the 27th of September. That’s just four more weeks! Time to wind down!

Whilst helping with the play, I discovered that my old student Achang potentially has OCD. There was a part in the play where he should grab another student’s arm but he was really reluctant to do it. 

I thought that it was a cultural thing or just shyness but the other students told me that he will always go and wash his hands and that he has a problem.

He is also supposed to be acting like a smooth-talking player but is lacking confidence in being able to pull it off.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I spent an extra hour helping with the play and gave them as much as I could, considering that they have to perform it in the next few days. 

They were all very appreciative at the end of the afternoon, though and that made me feel good.

I took this picture of Guitar, Lin and Poppy as they perform this cheerleader routine at the beginning of their play.

Under Some Allegory – 29th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Understanding
Symptoms
Apparent

Under attack
Stirring up trouble
All for a buck

Unseen by most
So obscene when seen
All will not be forgiven

Unbelievable lies proliferate
Social media vacuums
Algorithms of manipulation

Unheard, censored headlines
Smile and be happy
As the world burns around you

Commented here at Mindlovesmisery Menagerie

Today I’m feeling:

Average.  My recent symptoms are sitting there in the background and now I’m just feeling tired.  Phlegm seems to be coming off my chest a little easier now but my lack of energy is begging me to rest or sleep more.

(Evening) During the day I was doing ok but by my last class, I was completely spent and I was glad to get everyone out 30 minutes early.

I’m in bed at 7 pm and will read for a while but I’m not sure how long I will be able to keep my eyes open.

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 6

Today I’m grateful for:

(Being able to fall asleep before having time to write here!)

The best thing about today was:

Helping Jet and everyone else with their play this afternoon. It was really fun and the kids appreciated my directing them more than their Thai teacher. 

I could see that they were frustrated because they knew there were parts in the play that didn’t make sense but they couldn’t say anything to the teacher about it.

I will try to help them a little more again tomorrow.

I took this picture yesterday because this is the first blue sky for a while, coinciding with our garden being freshly taken care of.

Russian Winter – 28th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

The nesting dolls I keep inside
All are versions of me
The tears spilt alone, I cried
Just so that I could be

Happy to be on my own
Bitterly ostracised
Content just to be alone
Even when criticised

The nesting dolls built belief
It’s only now they start to care
Looking for their own relief
I’m only here because I was there

Inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

At first, a little better but after getting to school, I just want to sleep. Headache, cough, difficulty breathing, exhausted.

Next, to go and wait at the hospital.

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 6

Today I’m grateful for:

All the nurses who helped me at the hospital today so that despite having to sit around for a while it was easy to know where to go and what to do.  

One nurse accidentally flashed her soft, smooth, tanned (securely bra-ed) breast as she leaned forward and her uniform gaped a little.  I should have said something to her but opted to look away instead.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a fair bit of book reading in. I’m finally at the last chapter of The Decline of the British Empire, which I’ve been reading since January. I’m looking forward to getting back to some fiction.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Waiting at the hospital – number 260 in the queue.  Thankfully, they were already at the 140 mark and were also randomly putting people through.  The delay for me was more connected with waiting for a doctor who could speak English.  

I spent my time catching up with Substack reads.

Something I learned today?

Having read a lot of SubStack stuff I should have learned something today…hmm… I saw some pretty horrendous pictures of Israeli crimes but sadly, that is nothing new these days. 

I did see some information that Starbucks is losing lots of money due to people boycotting it because of its connections to Israel. 

I took this picture because the little one is on a rope now and can’t get into our scrumptious grass anymore. Here they are with mum, next to the fence where the gardeners had dumped all the cuttings.

Living With A Stranger – 27th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 9 Comments

*Sometimes I feel like I’m living with a stranger
I’m talking to myself
The branches hang down to the stream
A tilt to somewhere else
That I don’t know

Words are gathered and turned to stone
Scratch and blow to see old bones
I don’t know why

We keep it tethered, our world unfeathered
We’re out of step, so don’t forget
To keep your ear to the ground

Returning home to meet the stranger
She’s talking to herself
From scratch, she bakes such lovely cakes
But words are somewhere else
That I don’t know

We tilt until the room is feathered
Or blow until the stone is gathered
I don’t know why

I can see her avalanches turn into sharpened branches
To break her bones, so don’t forget
To keep your head to the ground

*Lifted from Three’s Swann Street as are the rhymes and rhythms. Submitted to No Theme Thursday (the two pictures) and The Sunday Whirl Wordle #669. This poem partially reflects on the time with my second wife, Kyoko and how, eventually, our cultural backgrounds couldn’t be overcome.

Today I’m feeling:

Not quite right. Slept early again and woke up a little later, skipping exercise. 

I want to go to the hospital to get checked out and contemplating whether to do it this afternoon or in the morning.

Health:

Physical: 5
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to leave at lunchtime and come home for a nap and a restful evening.

I decided that I would go to the hospital tomorrow and take a day off but then Amy said I should use the health insurance coverage that I get through work, which means going to the hospital in the city. Then Jet messaged me for help with her accent for her play. 

So I guess I’ll clock in in the morning and then see what they say at the hospital and decide then whether to go to school. I’d like to help Jet and I only have an afternoon class, so I could do it if I don’t feel too bad.

The best thing about today was:

Getting to my first class and finding that only half would be there as the others had to attend a meeting. It made for a much more intimate class with only twelve students and was very enjoyable.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

That half my class was missing today made me wonder how to proceed but I figured the best way was to teach the same lesson to the other half next week and let today’s students have free time, which they weren’t going to complain about.

As I was walking to my second class Iphone told me that their morning meeting was about events next week and that the school was closed! Huh!? Another student, Jee,  confirmed it too.

When Kru Tang went by my class a little later, I asked her and she said that she had only just heard about it from another student as well!

I’m used to this by now. Anyway, Monday to Thursday, we are supposed to be teaching online but we all know that that isn’t going to happen!

Something I learned today?

See above.

Black Hole 19 Again – 26th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 9 Comments

Grim-grey, red-crusted eyes shuck open
A dim day where dirty sheets beckon to stay
A vice-like grip holds firm the thoughts
Let slip to stay trapped in false reports

Thick treacled repetition day by day
Unequalled headache, a pacifier
Deep inside, uncoughable gunk sits
Wait and hide for uncontrollable fits

Thick wet air sinks from dark dead sky
To hang there; infect pock-marked lungs
Ventilate oxygen relief, breathe deep to keep
Concentrate belief to dream continued sleep

Written about my struggles with the remnants of a recent second infection of Covid 19.

2nd Sep 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United – letters to our body

Today I’m feeling:

Halfway good. I got up feeling ok and exercise was invigorating but once at school, I felt my energy quickly dwindle. I’m hoping for a good coffee kickstart.

(Later) As I went through the day, I felt pretty good though perhaps having the feeling that my tank was empty. My last classes with the grade 8s were fun if a little chaotic.

I was in a fairly positive mood when I got home but as soon as I got out of the car and into the humid air, I realised that I was running on fumes.

Straight to eat but that didn’t pick me up and I’m showered and ready for bed at 7.30 pm. I still have a lingering headache and cough. I got medicine yesterday for the cough, which seemed to be helping but today the phlegm has just risen up into my throat and made me croaky and squeaky, which had some students laughing at me.

Health:

Physical: 5
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady at Banana who helped me with sorting a refund on the USB-C adaptor that I bought last week, which I didn’t end up needing. It may take a month to get back into my account but that’s fine.

The best thing about today was:

Many students hugging me. I’m not sure why they felt the need but there are a few girls who come and hug me. 

It isn’t a sexual thing in any way, as most of them are openly gay. It feels like a comfort for them and some form of affection that they are not receiving at home.

I’m sure I will likely get in trouble at some point, as Thai adults also seem to see the worst in any form of affection and David was warned about it recently, too.

Something I learned today?

Pavel Durov, the owner of Telegram, a generally uncensored social media messaging platform, has been arrested in France and may face charges leading to up to 20 years in prison.

I took this picture because Nomsen and Namsai insisted, as they were making TikTok videos. They had completed their work and were at least fairly quiet for most of the class.

The Appreciator – 25th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The philocally challenged
Fake connoisseur
Impressed idle aesthete
An aimless flaneur
Claims beautiful perfection
With prudent circumspection

Submitted to AllPoetry.com contest – perfection

Today I’m feeling:

A little more energetic but not much and probably only because there are things that I must do today.

Despite being so tired last night, for some reason I couldn’t sleep and I ended up reading more until 1.30 am or so.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

A slight return of energy and getting out to my room and doing a few things to catch up.

Also, the lady at Neko who explained to me how to use the dryers.

The best thing about today was:

Listening to Nomeansno’s Sex Mad whilst I was getting stuff done in my room. I haven’t listened through a full album for a fair while and it was good to singalong with at various moments.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Today we had planned that we’d do our washing and then take it to the dryers at the laundromat so before coffee time I put everything in the machine. 

As I was enjoying my coffee, the sky was looking dark and forbidding. 

When I got home, I took all the washed clothes out to the car and off to the place at the gas station. Unfortunately, several other folks already had the same idea and I didn’t want to wait, so decided to check out the place near one of the dorms.

There I managed to get straight in and waited for 30 minutes until the clothes were dry (getting some reading in too) and going home.

Then, the sun came out!

Something I learned today?

Ipswich lost to last year’s champions, Manchester City 4-1, though did manage to score first. Fifteen minutes later, though and they had let in three goals!

Review your acts, Good and bad.

As Amy was hungover this morning, I did all the laundry duty today.

I took this picture last week at The Saxophone Bar. Me, Aing and Now – photobombed by a couple of girls behind us too.

Ordinary Days – 24th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Recalling times without that hand
Holding me, wild and untamed
Seeking excitement and following
An uncontrollable urge

When you came I began to understand
Big ups are followed quickly
By downs, so far down
You smoothed out my graph

Of course, it wasn’t the way I planned
All these years later, still popping
But I’m grateful for the comfort
Of ordinary days

Submitted to AllPoetry.com – antidepressants

Today I’m feeling:

Slow and lazy. Slept until 8.30 and felt lethargic even after morning coffee. 

The sun made it out in the morning and the rain looked distant in the mountains, but by 2p,m it was back and after our car service, we drove over the river into the city and it is already flooded over the side roads. 

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

The folks at Nissan for not fucking around and servicing our car in under two hours. Hopefully, they did more than just clean it. I didn’t recognise it at first because it was so shiny and new-looking again.

They said everything was good, though. I don’t care much about cars so long as they work and little Almy has been doing a good job.

The best thing about today was:

Finding some decent words to describe my current feeling of my second post-covid experience.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I didn’t make it out to my room today, as I was tired and our plans changed throughout the morning. I haven’t played guitar for almost two weeks now. 

I just run out of energy and motivation at home these days and end up watching videos. 

I haven’t read many books this year either, though I have read a fuck-ton more poetry.

Feeling a little under the weather for the last few weeks hasn’t helped but I hope I can wean myself off the videos and back to books and guitar again.

Something I learned today?

I was finally able to access the EDSY online trial that some of my students have been trying and was surprised to find Milk, who struggles a lot with English, was #1 of all the students, even beating Momo by a couple of points.

It looks like a reasonable tool to use but I feel that there are some components missing that don’t motivate the students to improve.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

As I checked Milk and Momo’s work in EDSY, I messaged them both to give them encouragement and advise on little things that they could do to improve.

I took these pictures because it was haircut day today. HoiTod reminds me so much of Kim, same size, colour and affection.

Side Of History – 23rd August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Standing amongst the uncertain
As history falls around my inventions
Reverberating into the ground
A violent collision of good intentions

The aches and joys of this moment
Fall down, messy and infallible
No clear line may be drawn
History is an idea rendered irrational

Submitted to Weekend Writing Prompt #377 – Reverberate and inspired (and paraphrased) by the Red Hand Files #296

Today I’m feeling:

A little bit of everything. I could not force myself up with my alarm this morning. I felt a dark ache around my nose, like having a cold but with no other symptoms. Maybe it’s just a covid hangover. I’m still coughing up mucus from my chest but it’s not clearing at all.

I slept for an extra 30 minutes before getting up and slowly started to wind up for the day. And once I was going, I was fine. 

My first two classes with grade 11s were both easy and enjoyable. A quick dash out for another coffee and back for cat-herding my grade 8s, who still managed to make me laugh.

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Yoghurt being in stock at Makro and when I arrived there, I was directed to a parking space that was undercover from the rain. Perfect.

The best thing about today was:

…there’s not one thing that stands out in particular. My time at school was very enjoyable all around.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

 Amy told me that it had been raining at home all day and it came to school in the afternoon with torrential downpours. 

When I got home, Amy wanted to go down to the bridge at the end of our Soi where she could see people gathering. It was already flooding on the other side of the bridge and runoff water spilt into the rice field. If the rice field fills, then our houses are next.

It’s stopped raining here but still falling up in the mountains and all that water will be heading down here at some point.

Amy is panicking a little as she sees pictures and stories online of animals and pets being drowned in floods in various parts of the country. I’m not too worried just yet.

Something I learned today?

As Nomsen was lying on the floor to do her work, she accidentally showed off a tattoo across her chest. I asked her about it, and she said that she has six tattoos already! She’s only 13 years old. 

She’s not the best student, but she doesn’t seem to be a stereotypically ‘bad’ girl either.

I told her that in Western countries, you must be 18 to get a tattoo (not that that stops everyone, of course).

Review your acts, Good and bad.

At the halfway point of the year, and halfway point of the three years of junior high for my grade 8s, I’m starting to see who will soon give up and not be able to go further. 

Somehow, these kids are the most fun to interact with and I will still try to keep pushing them, even just to try and fail but never give up.

I took this picture because it is unusual for Tigger to lie down here and he quickly made himself comfortable.

Slow Death – 22nd August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

Softly on the summer breeze, the satin dress
Illuminates the room as she steps into the
Light, gathered at her chest, the guests
Knew not to question the apparent apparition
Eyes greyed blue and deep, she will
Never be yours to keep, but still…..

Broken by all the glamour and gold
Left alone, to suffer the weight of eyes
Under the hammer, bought and sold to
Everyone, where each time she slowly dies

Submitted to Moonwashed Musings – silken blue and also to Ragtag Daily Prompt – blue

Today I’m feeling:

OK, though I fleetingly contemplated sleeping some more just because I was enjoying it so much but I was able to force myself up and exercise and feel pretty good for that.

My dreams were based on running around with my grade 8s after our class yesterday.  The dreams were as enjoyable as the class.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Different teachers helping me to find rooms to teach in, as both my normal rooms were taken over today by students preparing plays to perform next week.  Typically, I only found out by accident, by translating some Thai messages between teachers and realising that it affected me too.

It was all easily sorted and worked out in my favour in the end, too.

The best thing about today was:

Ending up teaching my afternoon class of grade 8s in what is called the Slope Room.  It is basically a small theatre/lecture room and as the floor slopes….that’s how it got its name.

There was already another class of students in there but they were just taking advantage of the air conditioning and weren’t studying.  It’s a big room, so I said that they could stay if they sat at the back quietly and as they were all glued to their phones anyway, it wasn’t a problem.

I gave my students a randomised online quiz based on the six previous reading texts I’d given them, which they should all have had written in their books, catching out those who didn’t bother writing or had left their books at home.  I also told them that they had to keep retaking the quiz until they got 80% correct answers, and as the questions were randomised, it wasn’t so easy for them to just remember correct answers the next time they played.

Slowly, most of the more diligent students managed to complete the task, whilst others called me over to help them, and together we used their books and I led them through finding the answers in the text.

This was the best part of the exercise as the students slowly realised how they can help themselves in the future.  I think that they also enjoyed being in a different environment from the usual stuffy classroom.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As described above, having to change classrooms at short notice, which could have been frustrating, turned out well enough and even pleasurable with the powerful aircon in the Slope Room.

Something I learned today?

A couple of days ago, Momo told me about a new online tool her class is using called EDSY, and today I tried to use it, but couldn’t find a way to create an account.  Momo pointed me to the website, which in turn directed me to a LINE account, where I eventually found out that it is being used as a trial project between the school and EDSY.

Amazing that I find out these things from students and not from our school!

Also, Takky came over this evening and said that his department had been approached for an English camp by someone at the school.  They were offering to pay just 6000 baht for two days, teaching 150 kids!  I chuckled when he told me.

I took these pictures with Nudee’s phone as she had left it on the table when she went outside the room. I didn’t realise that it was hers and when she came back in, she didn’t look amused and left again. Some others pulled me over and said ‘Period. Period. Nudee’s got her period’, implying that she’s in a bad mood. But at the end of the class, she was laughing and happily sent me the pictures when I asked her. In the pictures are Techit, Auto and Aunwar.