Author: shaun tenzenmen

Australasian DIY music specialist and practising poet, amongst other things

Old New York – 18th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Feel the ghosts and hear the stories
Factories become a millionaire’s abode
A generation of magnificent glories
Along pitiful streets where immigrants strode

Indifference poisons with its toxic fumes
Yet the awe of history inspires
For all the city night consumes
Comes the morning a coffee and bagel requires

The rattle and hum of the train tracks
Hints at the golden age of old
Before beastie boys were graffiti rats
Running away from the winter’s cold

Before the mob, before the game
Hotel rooms rented for a buck
Wishing the old times back again
Now the towers ran out of luck

The lady lights us on the way
Whether it’s another coming or going
Now just a symbol of a better day
One that was worth knowing

inspired by writing at Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

I had to sleep early last night to catch up a little. This morning I did my warmup but no exercise. Because Amy was coming with me I knew I would need to leave a little earlier to get her to her mum’s before I go to school. Amy was not in a good mood but warmed up after a while and I was feeling pretty armed and ready for the day. It’s stinky hot already.

Today I’m grateful for:

A change of routine for me. Going out with Amy and her family for lunch.  It was a little different to the normal Thai food we might get and certainly different to what I usually just get for myself. Despite not being terribly spicy it had my tummy doing somersaults in the afternoon.

The best thing about today was:

My last class of the day, which caused me so much grief last week must have been feeling a little contrite as they all came and started doing work for me. I changed things up and put the class in the canteen where it doesn’t matter how much noise they make and I didn’t really teach as such but set them some writing, reading and dictionary look-up tasks. When it came to reading though I did have to coach some of them and it was good to feel that at least a couple of these kids were learning something, in particular Gam, who really showed her appreciation for the help I gave her. I think I will keep this format of lessons for this class for a little while. They will learn that the quicker they get down to work and finish then the quicker they can leave without causing any disruption to others or frustration to me. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy surprised me with a gift and as I unwrapped and unboxed it I had no idea what to expect. She had found someone in Bangkok that makes 3D portraits of cats and inside the box was a portrait of our lovely little Kim Chi. I appreciated the thought but at the moment I’m not ready for this. Amy burst into tears as soon as she saw it too and I wasn’t far behind. Like old photos of Steve being the lasting memories of him, I don’t want this portrait to replace my memories of Kim. Whilst the likeness is good, it’s not her. 

I know in time it will be ok. I can imagine this portrait being on display in the house somewhere and it will serve its purpose as a reminder. I asked Amy if we could keep it away until the anniversary of her passing and perhaps it will feel more comfortable then.

Slightly shell-shocked I walked outside to close the gate and then spent some time pulling up grass and weeds from around Kim’s memorial plant which is growing where she is buried. 

I love/d that cat so much. 

Something I learned today?

Amy and I went to the drive-thru vehicle tax stop and got new tax discs for our bike and car. For the car though I had to pay for whatever speeding and red light infringements I’d incurred during the year, of which I know there were at least two because I just threw them away when I eventually found them in the letterbox which I only check every six or eight months. At 1500 baht it wasn’t too bad really. Less than the cost of some parking tickets in Australia.

Slightly amusing was having to go round again to get the second disc, we couldn’t just do them both at the same time. 

Amy thinks this is because sometimes just one person from a village will rock up with everyone’s paperwork from the village to get done at once. I kinda like this stupid flexibility where what seems like a strict rule should be enforced, i.e. making the owner of the vehicle pick up and pay in person, can be replaced by a simple rule of only processing one payment per vehicle at a time, allowing for a comedic drive around a 100m square to queue again. The motorbike tax cost 101 baht. About 4 Aussie dollars!

What are some of my favourite things about this time of year?

Usually, it would be the cooler air but that is not happening this year due to the El Nino effect. It’s 30 degrees in the bedroom and the two fans are just stirring around treacle air. 

The cycle of the seasons still confuses me a little here. This time of year doesn’t hold the same kind of meaning as it did in the UK or Australia. I don’t have any romantic connections with any of the seasons here. Last year’s bike rides around September and October are perhaps the first deep connections I have made in connection with the seasons here. It was the end of a longer rainy season and the temperatures had become more reasonable, all the dust had gone and the mud was hardening on the dirt roads again, before they were turned back to dust.

But July? It’s rainy season. I don’t go out much. Summer – it’s too hot to go out much. Winter? Winter is nice.

What is in my control today?

Me. I think I managed to keep myself in control quite well today. From a grumpy Amy in the morning to classrooms full of excitable kids caring less about learning, to running around shopping, eating with family and running out of time and energy at home, I was able to stay calm and collected (at least until I saw the portrait of Kim – but I know that wound will heal in time.)

I took this picture at lunch because I wanted to try the dessert which was a green mango ice cream with deep-fried crispy shallots, fine chilli and tamarind. That’s a pretty wild mix and something I would never have thought I would experience when I was eating 99s as a kid.

Two Goddesses – 17th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

So you want to be the hero?
This path is full of toil
The shortcut to vice and pleasure
Is the easiest to spoil
To be equal to the gods
Means Herculean choices
The answer reveals itself
So trust your inner voices

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but also subconsciously energetic. The kind of feeling after tough exercise, you will be happy with rest or with motion. As I wait for my one class at 1.30 I also have to be ready for when I get home, having to go straight out again to take the motorbike for rego inspection. I’m happy to have Amy pushing me along at the moment. Our house is cleaner than ever and smells of bleach!

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Aomsin to help me find some glue to try to fix Nong Jet’s broken glasses. It didn’t work unfortunately but we gave it a try and Jet appreciated the effort.

The best thing about today was:

I went to take the bike for inspection but they tried to tell me they needed a paper but I couldn’t understand. The only papers I knew were under the bike seat but apparently, it wasn’t those. So I got Amy on the phone and she said she had some papers at home. The shop wasn’t far away so she got in the car and came down with them. 

Whilst I was waiting I could see a price list on the table ranging from 1000 to 3000 baht so was stealing myself to pay this. But in a flash, we had the paper and Amy paid. 

I don’t believe they even looked at the bike. Total cost? 60 baht!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In a positive out of control moment I found out that we have another four days holiday starting on the 28th of this month. I reckon with all the holidays here the kids probably only end up studying for eleven years instead of twelve!

Something I learned today?

According to one report I saw today the USA has so much debt now that they have to pay 1 trillion dollars per year just to cover the interest. I don’t understand economics and I don’t understand a system that allows this to happen. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t get away with being able to borrow so much money that it can’t conceivably ever be repaid.

What is something meaningful that has happened lately?

Amy being back for a few weeks is meaningful in that it has gotten me out of my very comfortable zone. Comfortable zones are nice but lead to complacency and I don’t want to be that. I will have to make some adjustments and perhaps not have time to do some things I usually enjoy but that is meaningful too as it helps me decide the things that I really value and desire to do.

What is a challenge I overcame and what did I learn from it?

The biggest most recent challenge was to learn to teach English and then to stand in a real classroom full of expectant faces. What I really learned from it is that I can do anything. I can overcome insecurities and fears. Sometimes I have to remember that too, so I’m glad of this reminder.

I took this picture at the weekend because unbeknownst to me we have a bees nest happening above our heads. I asked Amy what will we do about it and she said her parents wanted to wait until it was bigger so that they could get the honey from it! Well, ok!

(It seems they were just here on the way to somewhere else as a week later there was no sign of them ever being here!)

29th June 2024

A Page Perfect – 16th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Perfect, unspoiled and clean
Yet only in imperfections
May the true art be seen

Here writ large, words spilled
To taint the page
Until it may be filled

Thoughts inspired, pour out pure
So much of myself
Of mess, of which I’m sure

Inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

Exhausted but Amy has me up and running around again. It’s ok. It’s 1pm and it feels like I’ve done about 8 hours already. That feeling is good sometimes. Still plenty of day left.

Today I’m grateful for:

The salted caramel popcorn Amy brought back from Australia. It’s pretty good, not too sweet. There’s also a pack of chocolate-drizzled popcorn here to look forward to too.

The best thing about today was:

Pretty much everything I guess. The time has gone so quickly despite what I wrote earlier. I guess I’m trying to squeeze in the things I normally do when I’m here by myself along with all the things that I’m now doing with Amy too. I’m kinda looking forward to going to school tomorrow because I only have one class so will be able to spend time with my best friend, coffee, all morning.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The neighbour’s kids all came and played with me yesterday whilst I was picking weeds out in the driveway. They even came with me into the entertainment area when I was hanging from the gym rings. Of course, the boys wanted a go too so I lifted them up and they grabbed on and they screamed for me to help them as they lost their grip. Today, uninvited, they came right up on our terrace whilst Amy was trying to sleep so I quietly went out and tried to keep them entertained but that lasted all of about ten seconds. After entertaining them again for a few minutes I managed to usher them away and came back inside to find Amy reluctantly awake. She wasn’t grumpy about it though. As I watched things on TV and Amy read, they snuck back and around the side of the house and started tapping on the window. Amy said not to engage with them and after a while, they got bored and went off on other adventures. I don’t mind the kids at all but our cats hate them and always run off and hide somewhere. I don’t want them coming back every day thinking they can do as they please here.

Something I learned today?

China just tested a new high-speed train that can reach 453 km/h! This could make a train trip from Beijing to Shanghai just 2 and a half hours. That’s pretty wild. I just hope that one of these things never crashes!

What is something I’ve been wanting to try, but haven’t yet?

Hmm…I think that probably the obvious choice for me now is to travel to Vietnam, Cambodia and Indonesia. This was one of the reasons for us to be located in Thailand, ease of travel in Asia. Somehow at the moment, I’m a little afraid to travel again though. I feel like I’ve lost that mojo a little. My life has been so comfortable here that I can just enjoy everything without going anywhere.

I took this picture because being a cat (with a caring owner ) has got to be the best life.
Fatman report

The Facade – 15th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Growing up being told a mystery
Was the most interesting thing to be
A facade, facing out
Where I can keep and claim the real me
Trying to make sense of the times
Dizzy with the fumes of youth
The facade falls down
At the telling of a vulnerable truth

Vaguely inspired by (and first two lines borrowed from) Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

It’s started already. I turned off my 8 a.m. alarm and enjoyed dreams of hanging with my students when the pleasure was broken with the scream of ‘AUOOON! Fix this for me please’ Well, good morning! It’s an hour later now, on my second coffee after a cold shower and still I feel not awake.

Today I’m grateful for:

The plumber who came to fix up a few things around our house this morning. He nearly got away without fixing the main issue because Amy told me it was done but when I checked it wasn’t. Back to the frustrations of miscommunications!

The best thing about today was:

Amy making me busy. If she’s not here I will relax the day away, enjoying it but not getting most of the things done that we did today. Most of it is cleaning and tidying which I’m motivated to do in a different time frame to her. 

When I went to Utopia I joked with Art about Amy being back, shaking my head and looking up to the heavens. Art said, ‘You prefer to be alone?’ I said ’No, both are ok. It’s just the change that is difficult.’

Besides the plumber coming, the electrician also came and fixed the electric shocks coming from our oven as well as fixing some issues with our cameras. Our home feels slightly less dilapidated now.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Almost everything was out of my control as I submitted myself to Amy’s whims and direction. I did lose my temper in frustration this morning when I couldn’t use my mobile banking app on this new phone and setting it up proved to be impossible without going to an ATM. Frustrating at the time but easily resolved in the end. 

Something I learned today?

I watched a few iPhone videos before for tips and tricks to set it up the way I want but stopped watching when I realised my old iPhone 8 couldn’t do a lot of them. Today I was able to catch up.

I took this picture because Amy is back but doesn’t want her picture taken!

Different Worlds – 14th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When I walk by the river
Do you see what I can see?
Catfish jumping, catching cats
Elves flying from tree to tree
I see elephants tugging boats
The waters are dark and deep
Fireworks fired from the sun
Dreams of which my secrets keep
Do you see sparks flying?
Feel the love of the farmer’s daughter?
Here’s a dose of the real world
Found within this water

Perceptions, real or imagined, are all valid.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again. No class this morning because of the Japan Day event in the morning so teachers are running around preparing things and students are running around playing cosplay or slinking off to find a quiet place to sleep. I think what they are doing doesn’t teach much but I try to forget that and get into the spirit of it. It’s hot, humid and everyone is sweaty already. My students already asked me to skip class this afternoon but I think we can do a little bit just for fun.

(Later) It was so hot and running around to the temple and the crematorium, back and forth to school all wore me out so I fell in line with the kids and told them the class was cancelled and I came home. As I was driving back a nice storm cleared the air, though I had to quickly get to the gutter to clear all the leaves I found blocking it yesterday. Nothing like an emergency to galvanise one into action. The storm is long gone now though and the sun returned to torture us more.

Today I’m grateful for:

The Hobby coffee shop which Gui recommended me to try as House is closed today as he goes to Bangkok for a coffee festival. The barista at Hobby used to live in Melbourne and his coffee is good but lacked the kick of taste I like. Maybe he has a dark roast I can try when I go back later.

(Later) I’m here now and forgot to ask! Another time. Off to Boom’s funeral.

The best thing about today was:

Amy is about to board her flight to Chiang Rai and in a couple of hours she’ll be back here complaining about how hot it is. It will be good to annoy each other in person again! And kiss, cuddle and comfort too.

(Later) And now I’m at the airport again waiting for her and it doesn’t seem quite real. Everything changes, everything is the same.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Some of my students from the class on Tuesday were grumpy with me because I complained to their homeroom teacher so much. When I ran into them today some couldn’t resist the urge to come and chat and play with me and likewise, I always feel happy to see them, especially outside the classroom. They are good kids just bad students. They’ll figure it out given time and hopefully not too late.

Something I learned today?

A US presidential candidate has called for an end to NATO arguing that it has continually broken its own charter and is making the world a more dangerous place. I did not think it would sell in America but the rest of the world seems to agree.

What are some of my favourite things?

Amy surprised me with a new iPhone so right now that is my favourite thing.  Tomorrow it won’t be though. It will just be a phone, a little better than the one I was using before. 

Maybe Amy is my favourite thing. Most days.

I took this picture because today is Boom’s funeral and all his biker friends came to the crematorium to see him off. After his body went into the flames they revived their engines and tooted their horns for a minute.

A Brief Interest, Fleeting – 13th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I’ve learned not to fall in love
With each racing of my heart
Each small attention to detail
No longer makes me fall apart

With the little time we have
There’s all the time in the world
I’ll learn to love that first
Before the loving of boys and girls

Inspired, again, by the real-life story of other people via Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good in general. Amy flies tomorrow and we will see each other so long as she can make the connecting flight in time.

My day started off well, forcing myself up despite wanting to sleep more and once I got going things all fell into place making for a calm and relaxing day of classes for a change. Sometimes I know the attitude I bring has an effect on how the classes go. Likewise, all the students bring their attitudes too so we throw it all into the stew and sometimes it tastes good and other times not. Because it is Japan Day tomorrow I’ve just been teaching about Japan and the kids already have a lot of exposure and interest so they were mostly engaged with it. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The paper and scissors that were available to my classes that enabled the students to make origami hearts and other origami figures. Luckily many of the teachers were doing the same things so there were lots of items available. Sometimes it can be difficult to scratch around for certain resources.

The best thing about today was:

When the students were making origami hearts I asked them to write inside the name of who they wanted to give it to. I suggested boy/girlfriends and mums and dads but I was happy to find some to teacher Shaun. The 12/13 year-olds can be adorable when they are not being little shits!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Thailand tried to vote for a PM today but predictably the process has been derailed to try and exclude the one MP that the people of the country voted for. I don’t see it as that much of an issue so long as the government can still be managed more by the party that people voted for but the system here is still dominated by military-appointed members which makes any progress here extremely slow going.

However, I knew this was going to upset Amy and she would see it as another negative point to be upset about. When the subject came up we soon decided not to talk more about it at this time.  

Something I learned today?

In a laughable irony, the UK has passed a more draconian national security law than Hong Kong has. Hong Kong, a place the UK and US have criticised for its strict national security law. The US security law also allows for targeted killings of US citizens in other countries! It is ironic that the paid protesters in Hong Kong have been allowed safe haven in the UK and US where they are now subject to stricter security laws than the ones they were protesting.

What do I like most about myself?

I don’t know how to answer this. The most? The fact that I’m alive? That’s quite enjoyable! 

Maybe that I can connect with kids easily. I don’t consider myself to be a particularly good teacher but feel like I’m a good human for the kids I meet. For most of them that is enough.

Maybe another thing is that I have gained wisdom as I’ve gotten older and I like the current version of me more than the younger version.

I took this picture because my student Tulip enjoyed looking ridiculous, covered in talcum powder and posing for a picture. Playing with powder and water seems to be a thing and it is a little annoying in class but at least it smells nice!

Secret Stairwell Reader – 12th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A library for escape
Away from toxic adolescence
Give me a book, a cure
Ten-minute convalescence
A silent conversation
With Kurt, Leo or Tim
Sudden shock discovery
Stirs something within
Where I fell in love
Every day, every page turned
Caught like a naughty child
A secret found, unearned
This secret isn’t yours to share
Find your own stairs to sit
Fall in your own love
And be satisfied with it

inspired by the story here on the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Tired from lack of sleep. Slept well but just not long enough. Hopefully coffee gets me going.

I was having a very nice dream this morning but it was suddenly interrupted by what seemed to be a handsome TV presenter with a gleaming smile. He looked at me sideways and then gave me a wink and a knowing smirk. And my alarm went off!

Did I almost cross over into the Matrix? A glimpse behind the curtain? I actually laughed as I turned my alarm off. It felt like some sort of comfort.

Today I’m grateful for:

Teaching the grade 10 kids first this morning. Even though their English isn’t good, their maturity at least makes them more manageable to teach. They still have concentration issues when it comes to phone management issues. I can’t help but feel that letting them have their phones in class is going to affect them badly in the future unless our societies turn into 5-second functions where they might be ahead of the game. 

I think these kids will be in for a rude awakening or have already accepted their fates.

The best thing about today was:

A big beautiful rainstorm from low black clouds as I was driving home. Our poor rusted guttering couldn’t cope with the deluge and I may need to make another venture up onto the roof to see if there is anything blocking it. If there’s not it just means there’s too much rain too quickly to even take care of.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As a follow-on from yesterday’s annoying class, I spent much of the day chasing up lazy kids, offering them help several times and making myself available, all to little avail. Less than half the students bothered to do anything. When the online quiz deadline passed I advised their homeroom teacher again asking what she could do about it and she just said she’d tell them again. She doesn’t get it either. The work for my class is no longer the issue. My two-hour lesson shouldn’t end up as a twenty-four-hour helpline. I asked again what she is going to do to stop them from wasting everyone’s time. I’m not expecting any answer.

Something I learned today?

Chatting with David, he is also frustrated with his classes and the student’s lack of understanding. I do take it as a challenge for me to find better ways to engage the kids but it is exhausting when they are just not interested in developing themselves at all. I think David will quit soon.

When was the last time I felt at ease?

I feel at ease most of the time if I consider it carefully. Sure I can let my classes wind me up but I’m mostly wound down again the following day even if I’m still thinking about it. By that point, I’m thinking up solutions and not getting emotionally caught up in it anymore. I’m not letting things overwhelm me like might have happened in the past.
It is still a rollercoaster of being totally on during the semester and then totally off during the holiday. That transition does feel weird.

My student, Wipping, took this picture because she asked me to smile but I pretended to be upset that she wasn’t working. This picture captures my internal feelings in class sometimes. 99% of the time it remains internal and I have also never hit anyone with that stick. It is actually my remote control for the projector on the ceiling.

Sanctioned – 11th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

No bombs dropped 
No drones deployed
Bloodletting stopped
Society destroyed
A silent terror
Stalks night and day
Without error
Slowly eating away
Bloodless coups
To change regimes
No power to choose
Economic dreams
For years to suffer
To wither and die
Each breath tougher
A silent cry
A subjugated state
Media silence
Returns tenfold hate
Brewing violence
Order dies alone
Then the lies reveal
The war comes home 
Melting beams of steel
All the machinations
The manipulators
Warred with nations
Hate generators

Today I’m feeling:

The morning went fine as I had no class and the kids in the playground were all chatty and playful so I felt pretty good hanging out at House drinking coffee. I went back early to get some paper ready for my first class to make origami hearts and that went well and everyone had a good time. For my last class, I prepared a nice little Quizizz lesson about Japan in preparation for Friday’s Japan theme. Sadly things didn’t go well. Twenty minutes into the class and about 12 students hadn’t arrived so I marked them absent. I sent a message to their homeroom teacher who said that six students were helping her. Well, thanks for letting me know. When other students finally arrived I told them that they were marked absent and could leave if they wanted. Some did. Fuck them.

From here the students that were there were already rowdy and got more so as the lesson went on. They were mostly spread out all over the floor, rolling around and playing. I kept my cool as long as I could and we got to the final question of the quiz where the students had to write two things that they learned. When they just started writing nonsense I blew it. They had already been crying to leave early so I made them wait until the actual end time and told them they would have to do the whole quiz again within the next 24 hours and answer the question properly.

I left school bewildered and pissed off. Even the younger kids are more together than this class. And why do I let it bother me? Like I said above  ‘fuck them’ but really I can’t help myself. I want to try to make it better. So I have to find a different way. I’ll think about it more this week.

Today I’m grateful for:

The one or two students in that class who were paying attention and trying their best. I’m glad to see that some of them have some awareness about what is going on around them though they feel just as helpless as me.

The best thing about today was:

My first class making origami hearts was a lot of fun. I told them that they could write inside who they wanted to give their heart to and that caused a lot of frivolity. As they finished making them I handed back ever smaller pieces of paper to see how small they could go. They all accepted the challenge eagerly.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

While I was drinking my morning coffees Amy messaged me that her cousin (?) Boom had died. He had gotten sick after exposing himself somehow to some strong insecticide which started eating away at his legs. He was given medicine to help but apparently decided taking multiple doses would cure him quicker but sadly it fucked up his internal organs until they gave out. I’m not sure this is the full story but the sad thing is that it is possible he could have survived if he had money to pay for ICU for longer. Unfortunately, he had a bad habit of being spoiled by his family and had frittered away everything that they ever had. I don’t think people deserve this fate but some people certainly don’t do anything to help themselves.

In the back of my mind this afternoon, whilst struggling with my class, was having to go to the temple, possibly this evening but thankfully I don’t. I’m still feeling tense and annoyed. It looks like I will be able to go on Friday late morning as it is nearby. That’s better than having to go after the work day.

Something I learned today?

I read and learned a lot this morning but now my mind is full of saltiness. I look forward to waking up more positive tomorrow.

What does it mean to be wise?

This morning I heard a great line from Gino Jevdevic from Kultur Shock. It went along the lines of, to be old and wise you must be first young and stupid. I guess that’s no guarantee but perhaps feels like a requirement. So people seem to be wise already in their youth. Something innate for a special few though no doubt they themselves may not see it that way.

To be wise? To understand oneself, to understand the world as best as you can and for that understanding to bring contentment.

When was the last time I showed perseverance?

I think I show this quite often. For example, I will persevere with this annoying class of mine even when my thoughts are of just giving up on them. I will try to find a way to make it work for them and for me. 

I’m persevering with guitar playing despite very slow progress, same with learning Thai. I have kept going with tenzenmen for 20 years already through various ups and downs. 

I’ve persevered with writing here on this app too, almost a year now, so this sentence is an example of the last time I showed perseverance,

I took this picture because the sun was playing crazy with the tops of the clouds and this storm that threatened blew away somewhere else.

Blesses These – 10th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Princesses, such sweet peas
No stresses, eager to please
Impresses, hungry honey bees
Caresses, eyes of hes and shes

These princesses turned a lot of heads of their fellow students as they dressed up. It’s one of the arguments for having school uniforms instead of letting the kids dress how they would like.

Today I’m feeling:

Good so far, probably because I went through my usual work morning routine. Drove to work, clocked in and came back already as I have no classes today. It’s 8.15 and I’m here sitting in Utopia. Can I keep up this positive feeling? I have a couple of tasks to complete, cleaning and visa application forms, which I put off over the weekend. I know I’m going to have to force myself to do them. Do it you lazy prick!

(Later): I did it.

Today I’m grateful for:

The little pieces of gym equipment I have. I use some stretching bands with handles to do a little leg, neck and shoulder routine some days and I recently bought some rings which I can hang from and which I hope that one day I may even be able to do a pull-up. Just one. That would be enough for me.

The best thing about today was:

Trying to learn to play Bolero on guitar. I can play each part correctly after a few attempts but can’t nail it all the way through yet. I like it to play though – it has a good feel to it. In the app I use it is a level 7 song, a little above where I’m currently at. 
Yesterday I also managed to scrape through a level 11 rendition of the metal version of Asturias. That’s a fun song to play but level 11 is way out of my league. I can’t hit the strings that fast.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It is slightly annoying that I still have to go to school and sign in even if I have no class but at the same time, I’m glad I did because going through that morning routine has kept my energy boosted throughout the day.
I really should organise myself to have things to do on the weekend otherwise my lethargy takes over.
Amy is back on Friday for about three weeks and I’m sure she will keep me busy somehow or other!

Something I learned today?

It’s a new year of freshers at the university and the first day sees clean bright white shirts and pressed skirts. Weirdly I didn’t notice many boys as I was walking around the market. Do they start on different days to the girls?

How does the weather impact my mood and daily activities?

Everything impacts my mood. I noticed today that I felt disappointed that the kids weren’t very chatty and playful. I wonder if I depend on them too much to spur on my own happiness. It was only a brief thought but even those small thoughts impact my mood.
As I was driving back I could see the soft wispy clouds on the peaks and in the valleys of the mountains. It was beautiful and inspiring despite the general grey of the skies. It reminded me a little of the Lake District. It’s weird to feel down in Thailand when the skies are grey. I think it’s a trigger to my memories of England. Even when it is grey here the temperature is still high. It’s almost the opposite here in that the heat and humidity are so over the top and oppressive. That becomes annoying when you feel as if there is no escape.

I took this picture because big dumb Tangmo comes for rubs but smells so bad I rub him with my feet.

Echo Chamber – 9th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The walls may be far away
But as words reverberate uninterrupted
The room collapses around my ears
Til their meaning becomes corrupted

Today I’m feeling:

I didn’t know how I felt this morning but by the afternoon I didn’t feel good. I feel sick without having any symptoms. I have low energy and motivation which seems to be a theme on weekends. I know I’m a little down after thinking about how Amy may not settle down here again but I feel like there’s something else going on. Dodgy guts aren’t helping things either.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the people who make things happen in order for me to order cat food from my phone and have it delivered to my house a couple of days later. As I was unpacking it I consider what a technological marvel this is that those born this century will take for granted. The global supply chain should be celebrated and not used for political machinations. It’s a great example of humans working together. It reminds me of the Bill Hicks line, if we can shoot rockets from far away and have them fly into specific windows to kill supposed terrorists, why can’t we use that technology to shoot food into hungry people’s mouths? Indeed.

The best thing about today was:

Unmotivated days like today don’t provide any high points but I did get a little satisfaction from pulling out weeds around the cactuses. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

One thing that may be affecting my mood is that last night as I was contemplating going to bed I saw a transaction come through for 4000 baht which was for my podcast hosting that I had planned to cancel by sending myself a reminder last month. The reminder didn’t work. I cancelled the account immediately but don’t get refunded anything. An expensive lesson. At least it didn’t happen at the end of the last month and fuck up my bank account for my visa. So I’m trying to spin it as a good thing though it’s not quite working I must admit.

Something I learned today?

I just went out to shut the gate and could see the shadow of a cat under the car so went to see who it was. It wasn’t our boys because they were both inside eating. As I bent down to look underneath I saw it climb up into the engine area and disappear! I always thought the engine was completely shielded from the ground but apparently not. I went inside to get the torch and key. I couldn’t see any obvious animal-looking thing inside and I started the engine to scare it out though maybe it had already decided to dash off before that. I wonder if it was the cat I saw this morning and if I had actually brought it home from somewhere! Seems unlikely but I hope my car doesn’t become an unsuspecting cat taxi.

What’s unique about where I live?

The unique thing about where I live is me.  I’m the odd one out. This is quiet jungle village life in a non-English-speaking tropical country and there’s a wild-haired white-skinned punk here. This nail has not been hammered down yet.

I took this picture because I had just let Tigger out the back door and remembered that Tangmo might still be at the front door so I went to check and found this visitor instead. She ran away in Tigger’s direction which wasn’t the wisest choice but she soon figured out an escape. She looked healthy and had beautiful swirling colour whilst slinking away. Never seen her before.