Author: shaun tenzenmen

Australasian DIY music specialist and practising poet, amongst other things

Passive Acceptance – 14th December 2021

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Injustices were done by the highest power
Judgements given at the midnight hour
No stories heard except for prosecution
A night of grace before execution

The following day punishments exacted
Grievers told their stories reenacted
Tears were shed, sighs resolved in pain
Prayers sent to a god that can’t explain

Based on a Khalil Gibran short story

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy filled the petrol in the car on the weekend which saves me 1000 baht this month.

Yesterday, I read a simple mindfulness tip to practice. Every time you open a door or sit down, take a second to consider the reality around. Become aware of everything around you. Possibilities and realities. Brace yourself (when opening the door to a classroom!).

I liked this idea and thought I should try it but so far, I have not remembered even one single time! I think my brain is constantly engaged with thoughts about what is going to happen and what I am doing, planning or even just nonsense thinking – my brain is too busy and I just don’t think about it. I’ll keep trying though. Gotta bring it to the front of my brain.

This morning I finished my second lot of 30-day abs exercises. It’s still difficult but I can feel it getting slightly easier. I have to do the next set before Amy leaves because I’m not sure how much time I’ll have in the mornings, with having to feed the cats, unless I get up even earlier each day. I can do that but it will be harder to push myself. I will also have less time during the day as I will need to find food for myself too.

Damn, I will miss Amy’s cooking so much!

Ok – back to it – one more class on this busy day.

What’s The Point Of Your Third Eye When The First Two Are Blind? – 13th December 2021

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Standing in the garden at night
Looking up at the brightest star
The darkness blankets me in comfort
I cannot fathom where you are

I’m just beginning my investigation
An infinite universe to explore
I’m not afraid of this vagueness
It’s what every idea is for

It’s a new way of seeing
A view of the world with open eyes
No limits to where I roam
With childlike wonder and surprise

Repressed ideas often leak out
But they no longer make me afraid
I challenge myself for the pleasure
Of this wonderful life I’ve made

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy got up with me this morning to join my abs workout. It was tough for her.

The crappy TV break yesterday was less than crappy. It was perfect.

I watched some YouTube videos and some Trailer Park Boys. I dismissed TPB when it first aired because it wasn’t laugh-out-loud funny, just amusing stereotypes at play. After 15 years, I decided to give it another shot and I’m glad I did. One thing I like about it is the appearance of how much fun they must have had making it. I’m very curious what these people are like in real life but I don’t want to find out yet, that would spoil the illusion for me.

The environment for the setting of the show reminds me so much of when I used to visit Turlin Moor with Justin and, occasionally, Rupert and Jeremy. Looking back, that place was scary. Turlin Moor was an area in Poole where recently released convicts were rehoused. Needless to say, not many had been rehabilitated.

I don’t really remember how often I went there but it was enough to feel somewhat welcome and protected. We hung out at a family house. A mother (Pam) with two kids and then all the other wastrels hanging around. There was usually 10 to 12 people lounging around the living room.

I never went on my own, always with Justin, though I may have stayed there overnight sometimes and Justin went to his home, which was within walking distance.

Friendly though the people there were, they weren’t always the brightest sparks and trouble was never far away. I managed to avoid getting involved and just relished this little family community that accepted anyone.

My other main watch this weekend was on YouTube, where I discovered someone had uploaded the Sensational Swans video. Something I’d been trying to find since its release in late 2005. It was available to buy from the Sydney Swans website but I didn’t want to pay full price for it and hoped it would turn up in the video store and I could just rent it and rip it. I did that with the release of the Grand Final from that year but the Sensational Swans was an hour and a half review of the whole season. In comparison the final was not so excting.

Anyway, watching this on the weekend got me wound up. Remembering names and goals and faces but the best/worst things was feeling the tension watching the little game reviews, even though I already knew the result.

I love watching the AFL and the Swans (when we play well). I’m excited for the coming season already.

New Names – 12th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 9 Comments

40 years or many aeons
It’s all exactly the same
What more is there to see?
Just give it a new name

Every empire risen
Has since fallen away
It’s the rhythm of events
There’s nothing that will stay

Do not dwell further on it
Neither choose to ignore
Every atom recycled
And we will be no more

14th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United Friday Writings #131

Eremo are a four-piece math-rock band fighting their way out of Milan, IT since 2015

L’ego in un pagliaio recorded at Trai Studio
Mastered by Snug Recording

Artwork by Federico Verde
eremo.bandcamp.com – released May 2021

s/t originally released December 2016

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the cheap rope I bought for Tangmo to play with and that I found it again in the field opposite after he ran away with it last night.

Ploughed through all my recently downloaded music. Some genius works there and lots of perplexing nonsense. I have too much and also not enough. I have half a plan to do another new podcast for a while. We’ll see. I want to get on top of my blog more than anything.

The daylight is weird today. It’s warm but looks like it will rain but it is 100% unlikely to rain. It’s making me feel tired. Or maybe I am tired. I think I just want to go and watch crappy TV for a while. Give my brain a break.

In Tune – 11th December 2021

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Maybe you’ll never get old
Death attained so soon
Treat each day
In this way
And live your life in tune

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have the app Capo that gives me a good idea of the chords to play guitar for any song I have. So yesterday I spent a couple of hours playing – enough to cramp my hands!

Yesterday I took advantage of an extra day off. Got up late, drank coffee at Utopia, reading more of the fun Slash biography, got a quick haircut at my usual local auntie hairdresser, had a quick pep talk with Na, Amy went out for lunch so I picked up some friend rice and veggies at the aharn damsang in our soi and tried out the Busabee wheat beer, which was delicious, though I struggled a little with it and having to go to the toilet all the time was annoying!

Sat in my hammock under the passionfruit until it got too hot and then slowly kept drinking in my room and ended up playing guitar for a couple of hours, trying to play along to familiar songs, got hand cramps, then switched to listening to Nomeansno really fucking loud, which was great and something I don’t do enough of.

Listening to music loud is the best way to appreciate it.

At the hairdresser, the auntie used a razor to tidy up my ear hair and it struck me what a weirdly intimate act it was, though enacted in a professional environment. I compared it to sex work – an intimate act that for the worker is just part of the job. Yes – I’m comparing sex work to a haircut! Why is sex work so demeaned?

Due to my own upbringing and environment, I don’t understand or comprehend the rationale behind people who want to adopt the profession but at the same time, it’s not my business and as there is a huge calling for work of this sort then workers should be treated with the respect they deserve.

The abundance of online pornography available should change attitudes towards sex and find a way to make the whole thing more equal and less exploitative. Less religion – more openness.

Genius Sperm Bank – 10th December 2021

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Accepting donations for the future race
To pass the tests that man will face
A golden dawn will come between us
To separate the dullard from the genius

But who controls this magnificent bank?
Who would those future generations thank?
Are they genius or just self-proclaimed?
Nodding to a fascism slyly renamed

Sex magic for the superhuman mind
Superior beings would judgement find
Cosmic mates spiritually embraced
Can the monkey mind be replaced?

Picture Perfect – 9th December 2021

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On the brightest sunshine day
An egg was cracked on her stomach
Sparks shot off the white
As the yolk glistened in the light
A photograph was taken
To recall this perfect sight

Inspired by Mona Arshi

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the tests of when things go wrong or not as you plan. Living in Thailand has taught me even more about patience and acceptance.

I’ve had a bunch of ideas float in and out and away this morning. I powered through my abs workout knowing that tomorrow is a rest day. I feel good and warmer this morning, despite the cool air.

Yesterday I drove over to Matt’s but couldn’t muster him whilst at the gate despite calling on Messenger and ringing the two bells. Later, he told me I could honk the horn but it’s so peaceful out in the countryside that it feels offensive to my ears to do such a thing. He also gave me his phone number – something so unusual these days that I wondered why! The only person I ever call on a normal phone is Amy.

Telling this story to Fui this morning, we both confirmed that we could remember phone numbers from our childhood still. 001144202881404! Crazy.

I didn’t hang around at Matt’s cos I had to do some printing at school but when I got back, the printer didn’t work and I couldn’t figure out why. It was only later that I realised that the power was off in the whole area! First rule of tech support! Got power?

I went home soon after cos I couldn’t heat up my lunch in the microwave.

After looking at these off white lined pages, my eyes struggle to readjust to the computer screen. I should take a break. Stretch. Go for a walk. Will I? Maybe not.

I have a couple more hours to plough through my backlog of reading. So many things interest and inspire me these days. There are so many fascinating stories.

I was struck by this Seneca quote today, “No person hands out their money to passersby, but to how many do each of us hand out our lives!? We’re tight-fisted with property and money, yet think too little of wasting time, the one thing about which we should all be the toughest misers.” I think this thinking could be a little why I don’t have or need many friends.

Of course, I still waste some of my time, or reconsider my definition. Everyone will have a different definition but no one, me included, should criticise another for what they may consider a waste of time. Disagree, for sure, but follow your way, not that of others.

Puddle – 8th December 2021

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Hug me gently but without pity
I may fail these tests once more
Explain it all for me yet again
And tell me what I’m doing it for

I wasn’t great at being a teenager
And I’m a pretty flawed adult too
I’m a babbling paralysed 54-year-old toddler
Still figuring out what to do

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy likes to do some traditional things like have a Christmas tree and lights. If I was by myself, I wouldn’t bother and I do appreciate that it looks nice.

Pushed myself to get out of bed this morning and do my killer abs routine. It’s hard and I still don’t have the muscles to do a full sit-up. Maybe one day. A few years ago, Amy would jokingly show me pictures of buff 50-year-old men and I would dismiss them, thinking about chilli and beer! Now I’m 54 and losing fat. Can I be buff? I’d just like to be fitter and have a little more strength to support my aching bones. Getting up at 6.10 am on these cold days is a challenge!

I forgive myself when I fail but I now savour these days of feeling good and remind myself that to feel like this I have to do the work.

I’m learning more about myself every day.

I’m lazy and hardworking.

I’m quiet and loud.

I’m sad and happy.

We are all full of contradictions and realising it, accepting it, is bringing more contentment to my life.

Let’s enjoy it.

Throwing Sparks – 7th December 2021

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A world motivated by boredom
The deviants and perverts are tired
Laughing at their injustices meted
Their dreadful work so admired

Routine pleasures are not enough
To satisfy their indulgent lust
Sex and death, games of the rich
Where money can buy your trust

Inspired by a sample of Throwing Sparks by Abdo Khal

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to buy new jackets for just 80 baht at the local markets.

I got annoyed again on Saturday after talking with Nancy about parent complaints about my class being too difficult for their kids. It got me thinking over the weekend and I decided that I will try harder to communicate with the struggling students. I really don’t want to dumb down the work if I can help it.

As these complaining parents haven’t talked directly to me, I thought I should send out a positive message to them to show that I appreciated the work of the students and that their effort is rewarded. I worded it generally so that the complaining parents can see that other students are capable of doing my work and that it is not so difficult.

On Saturday, I felt like quitting again, or just giving up and going back to teaching ‘days of the week. But with some time to think less emotionally, I feel much better. I’m nervous to send messages to the parents as they will twist them in anyway that they can to suit themselves.

I know I’m not assimilating into the ‘Thai way’ but I feel compelled to give my students every chance to assimilate themselves into the world.

My Time – 6th December 2021

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This is my time, I’m gonna own it
Make it happen, make it count
No slave to bosses or obsessions
Our time is of finite amount
Never a minute wasted now
I won’t let them be taken away
When you’re dead, you’re dead forever
And I’ve got things to do today

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the experience of eating lunch sitting under our passionfruit vine on a clear blue-skied afternoon, to read in my hammock and just enjoy the day.