Author: shaun tenzenmen

Australasian DIY music specialist and practising poet, amongst other things

Gone Away – 14th November 2021

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There’s no problem between us
I’d never tell you you have to stay
We are always together at heart
Even after you’ve gone away

Our dreams are sometimes different
And other times they are the same
We push each other to realise them
Cos our love will always remain

With the latest technology
We are merely a whisper apart
It may be a while ’til we meet again
But you always remain in my heart

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Google Translate. It can help make the parents aware of their children’s work and to push them to complete it.

On Friday afternoon, I started to enjoy a grim feeling. Lethargic, sour thoughts, dizziness. I got home and vegitated with some Netflix but I couldn’t enjoy it.

I woke up feeling good on Saturday but soon this sad feeling appeared again. I was very aware of it. Anything I watched or read compounded it; nothing was contributing anything good to the world.

I slept a little and in the evening read a load of comics and a little bit of Rollins ‘Stay Fanatic’. I thought that perhaps I should understand clearly what Rollins was saying about the power of music and he hides himself in the melodies and nuance of those sounds. Perhaps I should’ve tried the same.

Today, I’m feeling ok again and intend to indulge myself in some music – just listening, nothing else. Something familiar.

I’ve recently been adverse to going to my man cave. Something about it displeases me and I can’t quite figure out what. Could be time for a rearrangement. I want a comfy armchair to relax on. I rarely see comfy armchairs in Thailand.

A Celestial Emporium – 13th November 2021

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For things that tremble as if they were mad
For suckling pigs and mermaids that emperors had
Any grunt and squeal from a secret dictionary
Must define the world in words less ordinary

Inspired after reading about this piece of writing from Borges.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this island in our dining room where I’m now sitting. I can remember when it was being built – I can remember when it didn’t exist and now we use it all the time for eating, writing and preparing food.

Beyond The Blind Spot – 12th November 2021

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Seeing things as they are
Dreaming them as they could be
A dark forest, a wide sky
A landscape full of human history

A spirited manifestation
Flashes of insight, literary
The lyrical moment happens
There born, the epiphany

Inspired and mangled from Black Paper: Writing in a Dark Time by Teju Cole
30th Oct 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – epiphany

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch our jacarandas grow a few feet higher and the trunks a little thicker, every year.

Friday again already. It’s been great to be able to sit at House and keep up with lots of reading and writing. Next week I won’t have so much free time like this but have the pleasure of being face-to-face with students. I’m happy with all the scenarios at this stage. I’m enjoying everything. Is life too easy?

As with a couple of years ago, I’m kinda excited for Amy to go away for a while, leaving me to fend for myself and indulge in all my endeavours. I do know, though, that I will also get lonely and I will miss her a lot. Especially her cooking.

It looks as if Jess and Mei will be coming to Thailand soon too. It will be great to see them again and I know Amy will have a great time with them here.

The Week That Was – 18th February 1979

Byrne’s Music – 11th November 2021

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It’s a sex diagram
A time machine
Program Annihilator
A heartbreak scene
Messages subliminal
A Smith’s repetition
Gimmick harmonies
A metaphor competition
Ambiguous lyrics
A chaotic romance
Banging the drum
A community dance
Disturbed facilitator
A melodic personality
Layered catalysts
A concerted reality

Inspired and mangled from here: http://davidbyrne.com/explore/tree-drawings-arboretum/photos/music-tree-2002/1 with added references to SST, The Fall and Scream. The tune in my head is the Minutemen’s ‘One Reporter’s Opinion’.
13th Apr 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the possibilities to keep my brain engaged other than the mindless use of social media.

Here I am again, safely tucked up in my corner at House – talking online with the good students and anxious if the other students are actually doing any work.

Amy is busy working out more details for her trip to Australia and I’m wondering what I’m gonna eat when she’s away! I’ll need to get organised with shopping and potentially – shock! horror! – cooking! I think any cooking will purely involve potatoes, cheese, onion and garlic!

After a relatively good period with less neck ache, it seems to be playing up again. I’m back on the abs workout and hopefully that helps a little. I think that when Amy is not here, I will try sleeping in other places, second bedroom, lounges, etc and see if they make any difference. My neck has been a problem for more than a decade now. Hopefully, my general fitness improvements all keep me going a bit longer. Like another 50 years if possible!

I was surprised at the happy ending to the Aladdin story. I’m uncertain if there was any moral to be learned from the story and curious if it was told for any more purpose that is culturally adjacent to its places of telling. I always thought of being able to wish for anything as a curse; that was my cultural context.

Reading some Rollins last night resonated with me a lot, particularly about doing things alone. I need to check out more of his more recent writing again.

It’s 11:11 today and I don’t think I can afford to buy anything on sale at Lazada this time. I looked at the new MacBooks in Central yesterday, considering buying one sometime but also clinging on to my current machine as it is still pretty reliable. I often get these compulsions to get things even though I perhaps have no real need for them. And even though I can afford them, I’ve noticed myself more recently talking myself out of things or delaying that gratification, perhaps to enjoy the anticipation for longer. Anticipation is usually more pleasurable and longer-lasting than gratification.

I think I’ve already talked myself out of the new MacBook Pros and could easily manage with the MacBook Air, which is about half the price. For what I currently use it for, it is more than capable.

I also want to get a big iPad and would be happy enough with an older one, so long as it can store books and comics on it. I just want it for reading. Still, my current iPad is adequate, though some comics can be tough on the eyes after a while.

I also note to myself my many first-world problems while surrounded by people with their third-world problems.

The Week That Was – 11th February 1979

Shooting Rainbows – 10th November 2021

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Pointed words lost meaning and never became real
Maybe I’ve gone crazy, but it’s happiness I feel
My mind is ravelling, circled to the start
Painted rainbows shooting outward from my heart

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the farmer and cows that eat the jungle growing on the land next to us. Those cows are eating machines.

If I only had three wishes, as some stories contain, then it is obvious that the third wish should be for three more wishes, over and over again! But what to do with these wishes? Knowing that a wish for a positive more often than not ends in a negative, for example, wishing to be able to have sex with that beautiful girl ends up with her getting pregnant!

So, perhaps my wish could be more even-handed; perhaps instead I would ask my jinnee to give me useful advice when I so required and I could choose to take that advice or not.

In fact, as I think more deeply into this, I realise that a jinnee is not required. We have everything we need already (speaking from my position of privilege, of course). Our jinnee is in our head, just waiting to be used.

As Amy considers starting a business in Australia, I am not so hot on the idea. I am not opposed to it and I know we could do it. I just wonder, what is our purpose in doing it? We could be successful and make lots of money but will that make us happier?

I know Amy is frustrated with where we are, living in Thailand but actually our lives are very simple and easy despite those frustrations. We have choices and neither of us works particularly hard. Amy loves to cook and serve people; her dream is a business like this. We also currently have the choice to do that here, as we’ve often discussed before.

I’m not going to try to convince her one way or another, I will be happy anywhere, everywhere in the world. I am happy to be with her, even if we are not always in the same place. I got my jinnee working for me right now.

The Week That Was – 4th February 1979

Lower The Flags – 9th November 2021

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Flights of fancy, a child always spoiled
Political wrangling, in scandals, embroiled
A name in history, now forever soiled

A handy harem, each night to select
Behaviour fitting one of total disrespect
A country mourning its own death from neglect

Ignorance is the most practised of skills
Run away to a mansion in the hills
Escaping judgement on who pays the bills

An era ending not soon enough for some
Time to reflect on what has become
Lower the flags, put flowers in the gun

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to open the curtain this morning to thick fog, almost hiding the rice fields right outside our fence. It’s nice to wake up to cold air sometimes.

I lost it a little bit yesterday as I was saying goodbye to everyone in the teachers’ room and George refused to even acknowledge me. Dylan came outside and I asked him what was going on and he just said that George says I don’t talk to him anymore, so he’s not going to bother talking to me, even just to be polite.

I got pretty defensive at this but let it drop quickly and tried to forget about it. I just hope Dylan can see and understand George’s reactions for what they are but I feel that George will be able to persuade him whichever way he wants. It just feels so childish.

Even if I don’t like people I can still be polite. As I discussed with Bruno last week I’m not here to make friends and have a good time with everyone. I’m here to do a job and I want to do a good job – and I can have a good time doing that.

The opportunity arose to say hello to George today, so I gave him a cheerful ‘good morning’ and got a begrudging ‘hello’ in response. I just smiled under my mask and reminded myself of something I learned from George when he would say ‘I generate the atmosphere I wish to be in.’ Indeed.

I’m chilling in the cafe whilst preparing more work for the coming weeks. I hope these ‘off’ weeks can continue as it gives me lots of time to prepare.

Oh, last night I finished watching a short JTV series called The Queen’s Classroom in which a super tough teacher improves the students in similar ways to myself, though I am not as strict as she is. At the end of the story, the students agree that they will remember their teacher forever – in a good way. I hope that I can have the same influence on my students.

The work they are doing with me this semester will push them hard but I already get a feeling that they are very capable. I never want to underestimate their abilities and possibilities.

Reading the story of Aladdin. I’m only vaguely familiar with this story and I can see it not ending well for Aladdin. So, if I had a jinnee and unlimited wishes, from a lamp or ring, what would I do?

Out Of The Fire – 8th November 2021

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Brother and sisters
Our differences are an illusion
To overcome our tribalism
Is the one correct conclusion
The madness of our tribe
Forbids us to belong
Our cooperation and spirit
Forge us together as one

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that my body had the strength to make it through my 30-day lose belly fat workout, even though I only did half of the last day as it has been two weeks since I was sick since I did day 29.

Once again, after a week of opening the school, 11 cases of Covid have been discovered in students. This time though, it appears that the school won’t return to fully online. Just the classes with the infected kids will study online for two weeks. That seems OK but I can’t imagine that there are not going to be more cases, identified or not. None of the classes I teach have a problem but both George and Dylan taught students last week who are now infected.

I sent a message to George as soon as I heard but he didn’t even reply. So weird. As Dylan and Amy have said, he must really hate me not to even respond when I show my concern. Whatever. I will just carry on as normal. I can’t control his actions so I’m not going to get upset by them.

This morning I clocked in and pretty much came straight to House to sit and drink coffee. As I have planned for my students to do work this week instead of having classes, I don’t need to worry myself with arrangements. The only thing I have to consider is that my students motivate themselves to do their work so I will probably spend a fair bit of time chasing them up.

So this morning I caught up on a backlog of emails, Thai study app and wrote a couple of poems. I’ll do a bit of reading today too – The Tale Of Alladin, who I only just learned is actually Chinese.

Tomorrow I can start work on preparing more lessons for future 2/9 classes. I just hope that my classes keep coming to school on alternate weeks and not go back to fully online. I can adapt easily enough but I think everyone, students and teachers, prefer face-to-face teaching.

The Week That Was – 28th January 1979

Ten Plagues – 7th November 2021

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I got my ten plagues coming
They’re gonna put me straight
Find a path to victory
And I’ll never forget this date
Struggled through the sandstorm
Rivers of blood were spied
Soldiered through the pestilence
Frogs and flies all denied

Found a path to my heaven
The journey was a reward
Through three days of darkness
My life has been restored
The tragedy passed over
I did it on my own
I am my own god
And I’ll never be alone

I asked my students what topics they wanted to study this semester and one of the Christian kids wanted to learn more about the Plagues of Egypt. I didn’t really know anything about this story myself and after digging into it I wrote this poem.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Australia has changed their rules to allow Sinopharm vaccinated to enter without quarantine. This means that Amy can plan to go and visit now.

I slept through my alarm, dreaming deeply, watching kids play instruments, a boy holding a note on a trumpet until he collapsed and I woke up.

It’s a beautiful sunny, clear day and I’m listening to crazy industrial music whilst weeding and res-stringing my guitar. Last night Amy found out that Australia now accepts the Sinopharm vaccine so she can return to Oz without quarantine, so she is busy working out everything so she can go next month.

Heavy Lies – 6th November 2021

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Seeking connections far outside of town
Wanting a verb but always finding a noun
A big nose, a smile upside down
Heavy lies the head that wears the clown

Trying to float yet about to drown
These waters swam are turning brown
This king is in a state of constant frown
Heavy lies the head that wears the crown

Inspired by a misspelling on an online post

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to sit in my hammock this morning and finish reading the Rolling Stones biography. It’s a nice and cool temperature as Tangmo and Kim Chi chased each other and sniffed around. Days are good.

Dragged myself up out of bed this morning as I was up later than usual last night, reading, trying to finish Cosey Fanny Tutti’s Art Sex Music – almost made it.

Utopia is closed at the moment due to one of the staff members catching Covid. It seems the main outbreak around here was from a Halloween event at a place called Retro Bar. Not sure where that is, somewhere on the university side of the highway.

Although we didn’t know it at the time, Aing was there too and I’d been trying to arrange meeting her as she was only here for three days. One evening, she messaged us that she was at Hope Bar, two houses away from us, but Amy and I were already in bed, old folks that we are these days. It was 9pm. So, as it turned out, it was good that we didn’t get a chance to meet this time.

So, with Utopia being closed, I had to do without my regular morning coffees and chose to read the Rolling Stones bio in my hammock, buffeted by a cool, almost cold, breeze and I did that for an hour or so until finishing the book. Hooray. The Slash bio next, as I continue on with the rock bio books on weekends.

Despite running around shopping, dropping off cakes and picking up coffees in the city, the day feels relaxed and stress-free despite all the potential for anxieties. My attitude is good, my head is in a good space and I’m chilling to new music and staring in wonder at my bookshelves, contemplating what to read next.

Condemned – 5th November 2021

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Condemned to a life of luxury
Paranoia digs away respect
Seen through anger-coloured glasses
Your reality empowers neglect

Trapped in a downward spiral
Your happiness evaporating
Chased away all the pleasures
Now anxiously awaiting

30th Jan 2026 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United #212 – luxury

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the coffee beans that came from all over the world to make my stronger coffee at 22 Grams yesterday. A really fruity flavour. I’m also happy and grateful to Bruno for paying for it this time.

A busy day running around, organising, getting everything prepared for my students to work by themselves next week so that they don’t need to attend class. I hope that enough students are self-motivated. It’s the first week so I guess I should give them a break but breaks are all they ever really get. I’d rather push them!

It’s great having students at school again. I love it when ones I don’t know try to talk with me or we can play around a little.

Lots of Covid cases around where we live at the moment. I don’t know what the future idea is. It seems inevitable that we will have to catch it one day. How do we manage that?

For instance, there have already been cases reported at school but there’s no protocol in place. Do we close the school? Close those classes with known contact? How many people have it undetected without symptoms? Have I had it already?

Of course, everyone is tired of the situation. Should we just get back to business as usual and accept the consequences?