Author: shaun tenzenmen

Australasian DIY music specialist and practising poet, amongst other things

Lips Shut Tight – 23rd October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

Private in my thoughts
Breathe deeply with lips shut tight
Cautious of conflict
Concentrating and counting
Listen to air, push and pull

~What’s that I smell? An idea rising!~

My throat starts rattling
For a thought now fully formed
With my turn to speak
I watch you concentrating
Lips shut tight, breathing deeply

A tanka puente shared with Tanka Tuesday wordlist – listen, smell, speak

Today I’m feeling:

Good again, though waking before my alarm again, then getting back into some sleep and my alarm going off, shocking me reluctantly awake.

Last night, before I got into bed, I went outside to do some dead hangs to stretch my shoulders out. My hang rings are in the entertainment area, which is currently covered in a vine that hosts all sorts of creatures.

When I got into bed, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there were spiders crawling over me and I was itchy all over. I had some welts on my neck and arm too, so something was obviously dining on me. However, I couldn’t see anything.

I still got to sleep quickly but even this morning, I still feel itchy; maybe whatever was biting me has put an itching agent into my blood.

Today is a holiday but I was told we still need to come to school. When I got there, though, there doesn’t seem to be anyone around! Never mind. I’ll take this opportunity to do some more writing and another lesson plan.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

I’m wondering if I will ever move past 7 for my physical health? The daily dead hangs are helping with my shoulder and if that possibly leads to fewer problems with my neck, then just maybe…

Today I’m grateful for:

The family at the two-dollar shop who helped with a couple of plumbing supplies this week as I attempt to fix the dripping pipe under my sink.

The mum and daughter were at the counter and they looked exactly the same (except one is a child, obviously), allowing me to make the joke that they were sisters.

The best thing about today was:

Being in a good, positive mood all day. It started with a good attitude to being at school despite it seeming that many other teachers didn’t bother to hang around, then writing a poem that I particularly enjoyed the results of.

In the afternoon, when I got home, I enjoyed playing guitar more than usual and really, really loved the comics and book that I’m reading.

It’s been a good day all round.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whatever was out of my control today completely slipped on by without my notice.

Something I learned today?

Amy’s plans for our trip to Chiang Mai on the weekend are slowly coming together and I am finding out what my chauffeur duties will be. I’m fine with everything so long as I can find an hour or so to get to a book shop or two.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I bought some fruit at the market and got an extra tray for Baipad and her family.

I took this picture because Garfield was rolling around at the entrance to school today. He(?) is really affectionate.

The Chase – 22nd October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Seduction – theatre in real life
The meeting of illusion and reality
Lost in a hall of mirrors
Reflections prove difficult to see

Kept busy with ritual
The chase, chocolate and flowers
The world is just a stage
Filled with clockwork amateurs

A geometric jerky quickstep
A dance without a guarantee
All those things worried about
And that never came to be

The first two lines are paraphrased from Robert Greene.

Today I’m feeling:

Ok but a bit tired as I woke up well before dawn and my brain’s jukebox got active as I started thinking about school.

We’ve had trouble with starting the car recently and it took me a while to get it going this morning, so I decided to drive to Nissan before school, but they don’t open until 8. I thought that I could go to school and clock in and then come back, but unfortunately, I couldn’t start the car at all, so I waited until they opened. Hopefully its just the electronic key that is the problem.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

The folks at Nissan who helped me this morning. Despite our communication difficulties (even with Google translating), everything was sorted, with me 400 baht worse off and only 30 minutes late for work, where it seemed many other teachers were arriving late too.

The best thing about today was:

Getting stuck into a lesson plan about pyramid schemes. It was fun to figure out a way to approach that hopefully engages the students and tests all their skills. I think I can use it for at least two lessons, maybe even three if I choose to go a little more slowly with it.

Something I learned today?

My testing testy student Kwang will move schools this semester.

It’s a shame. She’s smart but has something holding her back, distracting her.

I forget her story now but I think her dad left or passed away and her mum is working in Pattaya, which may or may not involve the bar scene, but either way, it means Kwang is left here with her grandmother or some other relative and is probably losing out on a good emotional familial connection.

In the eighteen months I’ve known her, I’ve made her laugh and made her cry. I’ve helped her, argued and fought with her. I like her a lot, like all my difficult kids and I’ll miss her being around despite how much of a pain in my ass she could be.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

A couple of days ago, I prompted Anchan to post an update on social media so that her friends could see that she is still around. She said that she didn’t have any photos and didn’t feel like posting, which I totally understood.

This morning, I was pleased to see that she had posted on Instagram, eating at a cafe somewhere in Chiang Mai. Lots of her friends commented and I hope that it makes her feel good.

I took this picture because, as often happens, suddenly there is a new plant flowering in our garden that we were unaware of. I do remember seeing something growing here earlier this year but pretty sure it was only one stem and only knee height. After the rainy season, here comes the surprise.

Recall – 21st October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 13 Comments

Dear me. Yes, you!

Recall that time you made a fool of yourself?
Your so-called friends, laughing and pointing

You grew stronger with every struggle
And maybe now, you don’t even recall
You are still here and where are they now?

A cherita letter shared with What’s Going On?

Today I’m feeling:

Good again, though I woke up during the night and can start to feel the rising anxiety (good anxiety) of returning to work and being in the classroom again. What with all the disruption from the flooding at the end of last semester, it seems like such a long time since shepherding my students towards enlightenment!

Today I’m grateful for:

All the free time that I have had to read, write and think. Particularly to work hard and focus on writing poetry.

I know that this free time is coming to an end and I will have to concentrate on getting things straight with all my lessons for the next few weeks.

I feel confident that I can do it again, just as I have done before.

The best thing about today was:

Stretching out my shoulders with a little bit of dead hanging. Today wasn’t filled with anything particularly exciting otherwise.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I succumbed to an afternoon nap again but felt pretty good as Amy put Tigger next to me and he settled down there, chatting away when I turned over.

I’m also feeling a little dizzy from the reduction in sertraline and also not taking Tramadol for two or three days. I don’t feel particularly bothered by it yet but will try and push through it.

I took this picture because the old boy was looking a little tired, unable to open his eyes in the sunlight this morning.

Stone Sirens – 20th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Why the angels are heaven-bound?
What purpose do they serve
When on earth there’s no sign to be found?

The witchcraft of man, made curious
The angel descends to earth
God’s breath drawn and furious

A silent walk through woods at night
amongst the garden flowers
Where beauty hides within plain sight

In thunder and a whirl of lightning flash
A metamorphosis into a siren
God’s wrath turns golden wings to ash

Unable to fly and then bound in stone
God sighs at the circle of life
The angel’s choice to die alone

Shared with No Theme Thursday picture prompt and The Sunday Whirl Wordle #675
(wordlist: witchcraft metamorphosis garden whirl woods fly siren sign breath stone circle why)

Today I’m feeling:

Good, though my neck is a bit creaky. As I looked into the bathroom mirror after getting up, I thought that I’m not doing too badly for my age. When I think about retirement approaching in the next decade, I can’t imagine it as I still feel fit and vital (at least this morning anyway!)

Last night Amy turned up the air conditioning, and I was freezing as I also had a fan on me. Once I woke up, I had to get going to warm myself up!

Two hours later, two coffees and two poems down and I’m feeling good. Today I must NOT nap! I have a plan!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy always doing the washing up. It’s not that I don’t want to do it – I’m not allowed to do it! I’m not allowed in the kitchen in general and that suits me fine!

The best thing about today was:

Staying awake all day! Yay! Amy’s mum and dad came for lunch and stayed for a while afterwards, so I took the opportunity to get out to my room for a while, adding to the blog and playing a little guitar.

I came back in at around 3 pm and executed my plan to stay awake by bleaching my hair, which also meant that I couldn’t be in a lying position either, so I read a bit more of Bob Mortimer’s biography, which is thoroughly enjoyable.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’m down to my last 1000 baht with another two weeks left before getting paid! Actually, I have some of this month’s pay saved in another account that I was hoping to put towards getting some new glasses. Looks like I’m going to have to dip into that, though.

Something I learned today?

I watched an interesting video about a homeless guy in Bangkok called Pichai who leaves weird mind map-style graffiti around the city.

He has something going on in his head but was an interesting character and his ‘art’ is fascinating to look at.

I took this picture because they looked cute sitting together for most of the morning.

Strong Cap – 19th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

Vacuous thoughts rise
– then becoming prosaic
Never surrender!
Clarity comes with coffee
– so life has meaning again

Shared with Tanka Tuesday using synonyms for mindless and humdrum and reflecting the struggle to write before coffee and the ability to conjure words after coffee!

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good, getting up at a reasonable time. My hips were aching again, telling me that I need to move my lazy ass around more.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

The neighbours’ kids playing in our driveway and garden and making enough noise to ensure that I woke up from my afternoon nap in the living room. I couldn’t resist the temptation to sleep today after a big lunch.

The best thing about today was:

Reading 2000AD and Judge Dredd comics. I love their crazy stories so much and there are so many of them. I’m now up to the end of 2005 and thrilled to think that I still have another 19 years’ worth to read and by the time I get there, there will be another few years more too.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I took Amy for lunch as she made fun of me last weekend for taking my students for pizza and never taking her anywhere. I decided I wanted Lard Na near Big C.

When my food came, I poured over the sauce but we had forgotten to tell them that I didn’t want any pork, which isn’t usually in the sauce anyway but this time it was.

I picked out all the bits that were obvious, but resigned myself to eating the rest of the food, as I had already covered everything with the sauce and the crispy noodles and chilli vinegar were delicious.

Something I learned today?

I was surprised to see Gong in Utopia this morning. He was off being a monk as far as I knew but he told me that he was working as a coffee roaster in Bangkok. He said he missed Chiang Rai, particularly as his girlfriend is still here.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

When the kids woke me up, Amy soon came in and asked me to help her in the garden. I was still a little slow and blurry, and Amy had me up the ladder to try to attach our vine plant to the tree so it grows over and provides more shade. I wasn’t much in the mood for it, but did it and ended up doing a few other things of my own volition too.

I took this picture because now the rain and cloud has gone, everything is turning a deep green, preparing for a lack of rain for the next six months.

A Light Sentence – 18th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 18 Comments

Until the end of my days
I’m fighting to finish this life sentence

It may be 25 years or longer
The key is here somewhere

It’s solitary confinement
No escaping the prison of my mind

Resigned to my fate
The end of the tunnel

Shared with dVerse Quadrille #210 – light

Today I’m feeling:

A little underwhelmed, though everything has been just fine.

I think this is my third day on half a sertraline, and I haven’t had tramadol for a couple of days, too. I’m trying to get by just on kratom and see how it goes.

My butt was sore yesterday from too much sitting and my neck is sore today from not sleeping in the best position last night.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Discovering an old letter from Roger Miller of Mission of Burma! I don’t remember ever writing to them! I have some treasures hidden in my piles of old stuff and looking forward to rediscovering them!

The best thing about today was:

Getting up when I couldn’t stop my brain spinning, as I was drifting into an afternoon nap. It forced me to get up and go look for some photos in my room and then get distracted whilst there and finish off another book of poem updates that had me thinking hard to figure out when they were written and who/what they were about.

In the process of doing that, I found a few other things that were interesting and that I will add to the blog over the weekend.

I am a little conscious of the fact that I am spending a lot of time going back over my past and not generating any particularly memorable moments right now! But I feel ok with that at the moment. I’ll get bored at some point and go and do something else for a while, I’m sure.

Something I learned today?

Amy was telling me why she liked a particular Thai TV show at the moment, because the presenter is standing against injustices carried out by monks. This is very unusual, she said. It gives me hope that Thailand is slowly changing and hope that Amy will be a little bit more positive towards her country.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

In reading through other people’s poetry, I tried to find something positive to say wherever I could.

I took this picture because these two flowers look like buttons to be pushed, but best not to!

You Are The Key – 17th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Cultivate your garden
On the revelations of loss
A flower to push on through
The weeds you’ll come across

Are you terrified of the rain
Or love rolling around in mud?
Either way, stand up again
To see roses made from blood

There always was a before
And there will be an after
For every tear spilt
Endless hours of laughter

You can hold onto your pain
Keep it safely in a box
Remind yourself now and again
Of this healthy paradox

Inspired and paraphrased from this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

A little blurry in the head, though fairly happy too. Waiting for the coffee to kick in!

Trying to write a poem and started off with two killer lines and then coming up blank on anything else! Trying to think but I’m lost in the fog at the moment!

Finally, the coffee started working and I went for a third cup and I should be able to fight off the urge to nap this afternoon!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Not napping! I was tempted but forced myself out to my room to get up to my usual bullshit there. Listen to music, download comics, add blog entries and play guitar.

The best thing about today was:

Playing guitar along to Archers of Loaf, the Wipers and SquirrelBait, whilst a little under the influence of a weed brownie, had me now imagining that I was actually quite good on guitar. I’m not but it sounded good at that moment!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I braved the rain on the motorbike this morning to go to Utopia, as Amy didn’t want me to use the car yet. Thankfully, it was the end of the storm and just a little drizzle and by the time I came back again, the sun was out.

I also stopped and chatted with Aum Aim while she was working at her mum’s stall. She proudly told me her grade when I asked her – 3.85.

I’ve been thinking about my grading a lot this week, since fielding questions from students last weekend. I think I will be less serious about grading for the high school kids from this semester. The grades they get can seriously affect their options when it comes to university choice in the future.

It seems a bit petty to give an average grade to an average student who isn’t in the English program and whom I only see once a week. If they show willingness, I just give them a good grade, regardless of their skill level.

Am I submitting to the foibles of the Thai system?

Something I learned today?

Anchan told me that despite her being sick, she was in Burma to visit her mum in prison, perhaps the only chance she will get. She said it was dirty and crowded there.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Anchan also told me that she can get back to Chiang Mai from Burma and she will be a little better looked after, food-wise, until she has to come back to school next week. She asked me for money again but I had to deny her this time. I’m happy to help her a little bit but I don’t want her to think that I’m just an ATM.

I took this picture because I received the Minnesota Pocket Circuit CDs from Team today.

The Captain’s Heart – 16th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

In the desire to impose order and ritual
Where do you find yourself at end of the day?
Ahead lies the veiled valley
To walk in the everyday world
With promise, a heart full of hope
To be humbled by the universe

Receiving truth in fragments – parts
Colliding, collapsing, pulling & pushing as if
They change every night and pull you along with them
Its dark edges are still dissolving
The captain’s heart, a compass true and fierce
Brings souls together

A cento – 12 lines from 12 other poems. Each line is linked back to the original full poem.

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired this morning with aching eyes again. But it was get up and go time as we took our car to get the windscreen repaired and new tinting, which means that we’ll be out all day too.

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

The Honda showroom having a really nice seating area with free coffee and muffins. I sat there whilst Amy’s mum was looking at new cars.

I personally don’t think she needs to buy one but if she does, there’s a chance that I will end up with her current one.

The best thing about today was:

Getting our windscreen fixed. It’s been cracked for about three years now! Amy also wanted all the windows tinted darker, which ended up costing almost three times as much as the windscreen.

Apparently, it will keep the car cooler but I could see that it made it much more difficult to see other cars at twilight when I was driving home.

Amy also wants to get all the dings and scratches fixed up but that will have to wait until next month.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I succumbed to another afternoon nap today and really wish I hadn’t, as I woke up again feeling tired and a little grumpy. I need to plan my day so that I’m doing something in the afternoons and not get tempted to nod off.

Something I learned today?

I saw that I had a missed call from Hayden, so I called him back and asked him where he was and what he was up to and he replied, ‘Changi’. I wasn’t sure that I heard him properly but he confirmed that he was in Singapore on his way to play a show in Germany and travel around Europe a bit to meet his friends.

Well good for him, I hope that he has a great time.

He will start his new job when he gets back and probably have to pay off some credit card debt too, I’m guessing.

I took this picture because this is Amy and her first love….. alcohol.
Fatman report

Uncle Slaughter – 15th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Roll up, roll up, it’s the next celebrity President
In our broken project, our failed experiment
Cutting off our faces to spite our noses
Now, we no longer smell of roses

Dear Uncle Slaughter is playing American Roulette
Seeing how much blood from oil he can get
Those colour revolutions are all black and white
And they’re coming home, ready to fight

Without the destroyer, there are no destroyed
Our freedom and democracy never employed
Long decades of lies, living The Big Instead
Until every last inch has been bled

Roll up, roll up, let every lawyer in
If it’s all a game someone has to win
Roll up, roll up, it’s your time to choose
Between the little and nothing you’ve let to lose

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good despite going to bed last night with a sore throat. Thankfully, it seems to be gone today.

I ran around to go to the hospital in the morning and then back at 1pm for the actual appointment, and everything went smoothly and I was feeling good. I decided that I feel good enough to try to cut down on the sertraline and even wonder if I can get off it completely.

I dropped in on Baipad as she was complaining about having to go to her grandparents’ village again, which she hates doing. I told her that she needs to start planning things for herself in the holidays but that will need her to figure out a lot of things first and I think it’s a responsibility that she isn’t comfortable with yet.

When I got home, I started reading and then felt sleepy and my eyes were hurting. I’m pretty sure my eyes are hurting because of my glasses and going to start trying to save money for myself to buy a new pair sometime.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

The gardeners, finally cutting up the tree that they killed a couple of years ago and fell down about four or five months back.

The best thing about today was:

Reading some more David Foster Wallace in the waiting rooms at both hospitals today. Also, not watching any video or TV so far (7 pm). I think I can easily cut that right down and enjoy reading much more, or getting more regular guitar practice in.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After getting sleepy in the afternoon, I napped for an hour and a half and felt pretty dismal on waking up again. I tried to motivate myself with a cold shower, which helped for a while, but my eyes started aching again as I drove to the city for my ENT appointment (which ended up being more of the same – medicine, at least for now).

Here’s an example of…. what is it?

At the second hospital visit, there is a place to check in and get your queue number. The place for my appointment, though, is another building, perhaps less than 30 seconds’ walk away. Instead of walking though, there is a golf cart that drops patients off at the building.

As I was late today, I asked if it was ok to walk over but was told ‘please wait a moment’ and sat back down. A moment later and there’s a tap on my shoulder, it’s the driver. I head towards the buggy where there is one other woman already sitting.

We head off and notice that we’re not going straight to the building but into the car park area and we are dropping off the woman at her car. In a straight line, it was less than ten metres from where she was originally waiting!

As the car park is all one way, it means that we have to go all the way around again to get to my building, where I could have been much sooner if I’d walked!

Something I learned today?

Israel has killed a classroom full of children every day for a year. 😢

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I asked Baipad if she still wanted to talk with a psychiatrist but she says she feels better mentally recently. She did say that she would still like to get her general health checked, though.

No Warriors – 14th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

What now for the warriors brave
The fighting all said and done?
There’ll be no more bloodied hands
No more battles to be won

The fire is going out in my eyes
Fingertips full of flames
I return my atoms to the universe
To recycle my remains

I’ll rest in peace, return to the stars
Unable to know the rewards
But if there’s a light worth fighting for
That’s what I’ll head towards

Shared with Kevin’s No Theme Thursday picture prompt

Today I’m feeling:

Good, waking up before my alarm again though I’m in a happy enough frame of mind.

I hope to get into my room and play more guitar again today. I feel like watching less videos now, which, in my mind, is a positive thing.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

All the folks who have been leaving comments on some of my poetry. I still have to catch up on lots of reading and make some comments myself, as I know how inspiring they can make people feel.

The best thing about today was:

I fleshed out some more poems and ideas whilst drinking coffee and after getting back home, read through the Cliff Notes for Childhood’s End and discovered a cool website for generating ideas for poems and also a lot of word games to inspire.

In the afternoon, I enjoyed banging away on the guitar again, with about 30 minutes on Yousician and another 30 minutes playing along to familiar songs.

As I was in my room I also added some older blog entries, listened to music and did a little bit more writing.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I went up to the hospital today to get some more medicine from the psych but I also remembered that Amy had mentioned today was a holiday and so I wasn’t sure if anyone would be working and sure enough when I got there only the ER was still open.

Never mind. I can go back again tomorrow morning and make an appointment for another day this week when he’s there.

Something I learned today?

The first person in history whose name we know is “Kushim,” an accountant from Mesopotamia who lived around 3200 B.C.

I took this picture because the guard at Utopia was at his usual position this morning, hoping for escape.