Author: shaun tenzenmen

Australasian DIY music specialist and practising poet, amongst other things

The Wild World – 8th July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We live alone
Our relationships symbolic
Resources for production
Or a backdrop for healing

A miracle of blindness
Debasing all else
To second-order existence
We live alone

A massive fiction of things
The wild at the margins
An intellectual sleight of hand
Of us versus them

Ignorant of our nature
Domination the goal
Trading in certainties
At a bloodied altar

Denying our relationship
We live alone
We are the pandemic
In a wolf head mask

It’s business as usual
Caught in the weave
Dualistic blindness
We chose to live alone

Possessing the wisdom
The germ of a solution
Future archaeologists found
We died alone

Inspired and borrowed from Dan Ray at Philosophy Now’s review of Ways of Being Alive by Baptiste Morizot

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good, though I feel like I’m overheating.  Not sure if something is going on in my body or it’s just leftover from pushing myself with exercise this morning.

Today should be a relatively easy day at school and hopefully I still feel motivated when I get home and play some guitar.  I totally lazed away the weekend and though I don’t feel guilty about it, I still know that I should be doing stuff.

Today I’m grateful for:

Only five students turning up to my first class.  They didn’t know where everyone else was and assumed that they were taking the whole week away from school, as from Wed-Fri, they are not at school and supposed to be studying online.

I played a Quizziz of each student’s choice for the first hour and then let them go for the second two hours of our class, so I’m back early for more coffee!

The best thing about today was:

The extra coffee time that turned out well, as I got a couple of nice poems written after doing a bit of reading and thinking.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Another one of my pens went missing today during my class with 2/7.  I’m fairly certain that it is Program who is taking them as he is always trying to steal things out of my pocket, never has his own pen and always walks around the room and near the table when I am not there.

I may be wrong but I’ve got my eye on him.

Something I learned today?

As I had some spare time in the morning, I ducked into the grade 10 English class to chat with some of the students I knew and whilst there, Kru Ren came in to teach.  He didn’t do anything to try and get the students attention and seemed to be just shouting to no one, as everyone else was either on their phone, playing games or making TikTok videos.

I just don’t get how that is going to work.  But what was weird was that meeting some of the students a couple of hours later, I asked them about the class and they were able to talk about the subject fairly coherently.  Maybe it got better after I left, or Kru Ren decided to teach in Thai rather than English, so that at least he would be understood.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I stayed back after my last class to talk with Praew some more.  I think she is a little bit of an attention seeker in some ways and I’m not totally sure what to believe.  With her anxiety, depression and being bullied in class, it is sure to mess with her behaviour.

Not My Business – 7th July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Your opinion of me, it could hurt
You can only teach if I wish to learn
Keep kicking it along in the dirt
Your opinion of me is not my concern

To take offence is to give offence
An ever-decreasing circle of pain
I’ll not give you satisfaction at my expense
Or even bother to explain

First attempt at an 8-line poem about what offends me. Nothing offends me, not personally.

Today I’m feeling:

Lazy.  I didn’t intend to. Though I didn’t have any other intention either.

My energy has returned but motivation has gone missing. Part of this is due to knowing that I will have lots of spare time this coming week.

Today I’m grateful for:

The freedom to be lazy today. 

The best thing about today was:

Clearing a bunch of videos out of my ‘watch later’ queue.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Everything was in my control, I just made the laziest choices!

Something I learned today?

I finished watching the Idles documentary and enjoyed it a lot. I like their music but usually only in small doses. I can appreciate their appeal as genuine human beings and that makes me like them more.

I took this picture because I wanted to send it to Noey. I told her that Utopia is boys only now (now that there are no female staff). Save also said that she had told him that she wanted to stay in the USA, so I messaged her to find herself a boyfriend while she’s there.

Go Figure – 6th July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It was a cliché to be sure
A thumb stood out, throbbing sore
Cats and dogs did not truly pour
The joy was in the tale

Dead from boredom, a slow burn
The Cheshire cat smiles in turn
The bad seeds will never learn
The joy was in the deed

Brand new, champing at the bit
To get to the bottom of it
It’s hyperbole I must admit
The joy was in the search

It doesn’t get much better than this
A cuddle before make up and kiss
From shotgun wedding through to bliss
The joy was in the idioms

Submitted to the Ovi Poetry Challenge – joy and for an assignment at AllPoetry

Today I’m feeling:

Sleepy and bleary. I can’t quite focus my eyes on the screen, and despite killer coffee, I feel as if I could enjoy another few hours of sleep.

Nothing in particular to do today, and Amy and I talked about watching a movie later.

Today I’m grateful for:

Seafood buffet grill with Amy and Aun. I wasn’t going to go originally, but in the end I decided to. The food was average but cheap.

The best thing about today was:

A late morning nap after a little book and comic reading. I finally felt a little more awake after that.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At the seafood buffet, hygiene did not seem to be a high priority, highlighted by the maggot I found crawling across the ‘clean’ dishes. Hopefully, the spicy seafood sauce was able to kill anything that is likely to kill us.

9th May 2025 – That shop has now gone.

Something I learned today?

This evening we watched Furiosa, the latest Mad Max movie. It is big, dumb fu,n but not really that good.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I messaged Lin to see how she was doing because after having some issues at home mid-last week, she then looked and felt sick on Thursday and Friday. Happily, she said that she was getting a little better.

Tonaor took this picture yesterday and I think it’s funny. I don’t usually see myself in profile and it shows me a little of what I look like to the kids. The expression on Namking’s face is hilarious too.

Scattershot – 5th July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You made them, baby boys
Conceived in a sweaty room
Forgotten fruit left to rot
The urge to run too soon

Scattershot bonds stretch
Heated passion, spoiled seeds
Helpless baby boys flailing
Without the direction he needs

You made them, baby girls
Breeders, they can’t stop breeding
Pretty pink unkissed lips
Rushing towards the seeding

Scattershot, the TV dreams
Promises whispered or unspoken
Babies make babies cry
So all the boys and girls are broken

Submitted to FOWC with Fandango and inspired by my experiences teaching wild and untamed students already on their sexual journies as their young parents are missing in action (for various reasons).

Today I’m feeling:

Good again.  I pushed through the tough exercise again this morning, feeling breathless and sweaty by the end.  Amy has been sound asleep in the mornings for the last few days and in the evenings I’m usually asleep well before her.

I enjoyed my first two grade 11 classes this morning and just have a reading class with the grade 8s this afternoon and it’s the weekend again.

Today I’m grateful for:

My student, Beam. In the task I set his class yesterday of sending me an oral diary telling me what they learned that day, Beam told me that he really enjoys my class and learning things from me. 

Whilst he is smart enough to know how to butter someone up I believe his sincerity. It felt good to hear and encourages me. I will return that encouragement to the class.

The best thing about today was:

… (As I’m writing this on Saturday morning, I don’t feel that there was one best thing about yesterday. The day was pretty good all round until I ran out of energy, and as I’m still not fully recovered yet, it is clouding my memory of yesterday a little too.)

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my last class, I could feel my energy giving out and was glad to end it a little early and then head home.  I revived briefly with some dinner, but by around 7.30 pm, I was crashing badly and melting into the lounge, mindlessly watching TV.

Amy tried to revive me again before sleep, but ended up disappointed, and I was asleep an instant later.

(I didn’t even have energy to complete writing here and doing it now on Saturday morning)

Something I learned today?

Praew told me that she will leave our school at the end of the semester because of her unhappiness, and on further investigation, she told me it was because she was bullied in our class. 

I thought maybe this was by her old friends, Nudee and Ueang, but I was surprised to learn that it was by KanomBang. I hadn’t seen this at all.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I sympathised with Praew and her situation.

She Is Beautiful, They Said – 4th July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

Somehow, she deals gently with her blues
A feathery kind an introvert would choose
All told her that she is beautiful and smart
She counters she has no confidence at heart

A common theme for sure, though this poem is about one student of mine in particular. I could have gone on writing but I think I managed to sum it all in these four lines.
Submitted to WDYS #243, Writer’s Workshop Prompts – counter, Word the Day Challenge – introvert and Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Feathery blues

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again. I got up and exercised, the 20-minute video workout again, not feeling quite as strained after finishing this time.

Once at school, Baipad, Apple, and Ploy were excited about a new game, and I also later downloaded it and played a bit tonight to see what it was all about.

It looks really good, but trying to follow everything on the small phone screen just makes my eyes ache.  I can’t imagine what it is doing to children’s eyes, with them playing for hours on end.

After my morning coffee time, I had the pleasure of teaching the grade 12 kids, who are getting more into what I’m teaching them and also doing quite well.

With my younger kids, their blank stares usually indicate no understanding, but the older kids’ blank stares are them thinking!  Part of my class today was about showing enthusiasm in their conversation.

Today I’m grateful for:

Not teaching my second class as the classroom was in use for next week’s competition preparation.  I assigned the students some writing work to keep them busy for a little while, and was able to skip out an hour earlier than usual.

The best thing about today was:

Having the grade 12 students use the website that Kru Tang told me about today, and seeing the happiness on a few of their faces when they achieved relatively good scores testing their speaking.  

I will get them to test themselves each week, and hopefully they will be able to see their own improvement over time.

Something I learned today?

Parents have complained to the school that the teachers are not teaching their classes because they are too busy preparing for next week’s competition, just handing out worksheets instead.  I think the parents would complain even more if they actually saw what goes on in the classrooms!

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Spain turned up for class even though I had given them some writing work to do.  He ended up following me around the school as I went checking up that the kids were doing their work.

Spain is a funny kid.  He was some form of something or other, I wouldn’t like to say what, which seems to affect his social skills. With me today, though, he was nonstop talking, and I was quite impressed with his English skills.  He struggles to make friends because of the way he is, but deep down, he’s a nice boy with a good heart.

Tonaor took this picture because she saw me passing by and shouted ‘selfie’, and everyone else came running out.  From top right: Fah, me, Mei, Tonaor, August, Namthip, Namkhing, Nicha, Dena. Sadly, after three years of being in the ‘Talented English Program’, they can barely speak any English between them! Somehow, we’ve been able to bond and communicate with each other, though.

Cursed – 3rd July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Incarnated into another low form
Cursed again to never feel a real peace
It’s too late now to wish I’d not been born
The struggle to survive will never cease
Next life, please guide me away from the storm
Let me take a turn at a life of ease
Shed this skin before an exchange of breath
A return to life in exchange for death

An Ottavo Rima poem on reincarnation, submitted to FOWC with Fandango — Cursed and Three Things Challenge #M742 – death, wish, peace

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired but happy.  I skipped exercise this morning as I was dead asleep from perhaps 10.30 until my alarm at 6 am. 

My body is definitely feeling the effects of that exercise yesterday morning, so I’m ok to skip today and try it again tomorrow.  It’s a kinda good tired feeling.

Today I’m grateful for:

Mee’s mum getting out of the hospital last night.  I had just randomly messaged Mee to see how she was, and she said that her mum had been suddenly rushed to the hospital.  

Happily, everything was ok.  I didn’t ask anymore about it. 

My guess is that it wasn’t as serious as Mee was making out, but I also know how important it is for her to have her mum back in her everyday life.

The best thing about today was:

Nong Praew told me that she has three dads.  Her dad, her mum and me!  That was nice to hear.  I know she struggles in my class, not just with what I’m teaching but also socially.

I don’t know how much of an effect her medicine has on her, but she can be a little hyper happy sometimes, though she knows who to show it to and who not to show it to.  I can understand why some students are put off by her, but as an adult, I can feel empathy for her.

She told me that she might move to Chiang Mai at some point because she is not happy at this school.  I’m not sure how much that will help her in the long run.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My most annoying student really pissed me off today as he pulled down his best friends pants whilst he had his hands full, in front of the whole class.  I asked him to leave and have since been talking to his homeroom teacher about what to do with him this time.

No previous warnings or punishments have had any effect and I believe they won’t have this time either.  I will see if I can switch from teaching his class because I’ve had enough of having to deal with him.

Something I learned today?

“Do you want some tea?” Is the new kids code word “Do you want some gossip”.  I found out this morning from JubJib that the gossip is that a group of grade 9 students from my old class are bullying Yurin in various ways.  I think I wrote here a few days ago about it.

Whilst Yurin is unlikely to be blameless in whatever is going on, the others shouldn’t be ganging up on her either.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Kru NumNim was away from the grade 8 class this morning so I sat in and encouraged them to do their work which was a little tough as kids played and slept instead.  

By the end of the class, about 80% of the students had at least put something together.

This morning Nong Praew gave me some rice crackers as a gift for which I thanked her.  A few minutes later I met Lin and she looked very sad and thoughtful.  

She couldn’t or wouldn’t explain what was wrong, so I just patted her back and handed over the rice crackers for comfort.  I also sent her a message later on.

The Horror – 2nd July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Unrecognised alive
Ash and dust
Swirl around your eyes
As the grim sun starves
Flies start investigating
The first on-scene
To witness the horror

An unrecognised state
Take a breath
Before the bullet
Where revenge rises from the shadows
Books and bodies burned
On the wrong side of the fence
The olive trees have no branches

One day, one day
God’s wrath will flood the earth again

Inspired by Palestinian poet, Noor Hindi.
Submitted to Weekly Prompts -The One-Day Prompt (3)

Today I’m feeling:

Happy, though a bit undecided.  I woke up with a start, enjoying my sleep and a sexy dream (with Amy) and struggled through my first 20-minute video exercise, which made me feel good but also on the edge of over-exertion.

At school, the kids that I regularly visit in the morning were all in pretty good moods, and we chatted and played a little.  Now I’m waiting for the first coffee to kick in before heading back to school early to help Kru Tang again, and then my first class of the day with my grade 8s.

Today I’m grateful for:

Gui for allowing me credit again last month and then for getting paid and being able to pay off the debt.

The best thing about today was:

I felt a bit rushed today but still got a few things done. I got to Kru Tang at 9.30 and whilst waiting for her students to arrive, my grade 11 students were doing an online speaking exercise that instantly gave them a CEFR and IELTS score. 

I tried to help them a little bit and also thought it would be a good test to do with my other students too.

Something I learned today?

As I was leaving school yesterday, a car drove by and a shout came, ‘Hey, Teacher Shaun’.  I looked around and waved back to see ShinChan driving an old car.  This morning I saw him and asked him how old he is, to which he replied, 15!

He told me that he lives with his dad and they have a motorbike and a car.  Sometimes his dad will take the motorbike, so he has to take the car to get himself to school.

He has a motorbike license, but I don’t think he can get a car license until he is 18.  He knows to be careful, but could get caught out if someone crashes into him.

It’s good that he has taken some responsibility at an early age, and I have to chuckle a little at the way things work here.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I caught up with Anchan briefly this morning and found out that her mum should be home in a couple of weeks’ time. That’s great news for her if it happens.

Sitting with Baipad and Fahmai this morning, Fahmai said that Baipad is smart and beautiful. I told him that Baipad doesn’t think that she is and asked him why he thought that might be. He said he couldn’t understand that, and she quickly stated, ‘I’m not confident’. Hopefully, these kind words her friends say about her are remembered and will accumulate to bring her confidence in the future. Fahmai said that he is smart and beautiful, demonstrating his confidence.

Later on I was chatting online with both of them and I asked them about whether they did anything kind today which they both found something to say about each other. Well, that’s a start.

Kids playing together, July 2024. Earn, Dena, Namthip, Nicha and Fah, my old students, now grade 9.

Satisfied – 1st July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Through a process of elimination
We conquered our impulsive mind
To overcome the madness
That once made us so blind

Valley waters now run clean
Pure air fills our lungs
Meditating on our madness
Forced to review the sums

So the moon eyes open
A twinkle amongst the gleams
Falcon flight a-diving
At the fish thriving in our streams

Submitted to No Theme Thursday and Three Things Challenge #M739

Today I’m feeling:

A little bit down this morning, but not about anything specifically.  I think it was still the leftover rust from drinking on Friday.  It takes so long for me to recover now that it just isn’t worth it.

I struggled with exercise this morning but glad that I did.  I have found some videos that I might try to follow, too.  I keep going across different exercise apps, but they all want my money and for some reason I only just now realised I can just follow along with videos instead.  I’ll try my first one tomorrow.

I felt much better after my first class, my happy grade 12s and the lesson I had come up with worked well with them, so that gives me confidence for the next two classes that I try it with.

Today I’m grateful for:

My wage (again!).  Much of it disappearing already into cat food, the electricity bill and a little shopping.  A bit more will disappear tomorrow when I pay off my credit at House.

The best thing about today was:

Kru Tang roping me into helping a trio of primary students with their pronunciation for a presentation that they will give next week.  Their English is excellent already and I could only offer minimal advice.

But the best things that came out of it is that for three days next week, many students are away at these competitions so the school will be closed to students. Those not in competitions are to be taught online.

What that means for me, though, is no classes as I don’t have the knowledge or facility to teach online.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Suddenly, the power went out when I was teaching and I was assuming that it was in the whole building, school or area.  I continued teaching without missing a beat and writing on the board instead of using the projector.

Something I learned today?

At the end of the class, when the power went out, I discovered that it was just our room where it was out and so I assumed that a breaker had been tripped and now I know where they are.  

Another teacher asked me if both of the air conditioning units were on and I wasn’t sure but it made me think afterwards, what if they were?  There are two air conditioning units in each classroom, why have them if there is not enough capacity to use them!?

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I sent Baipad and Anchan a translated parable from Khalil Gibran.  It is about fear and dealing with it.  

I talked it through with Baipad who is not well practiced at understanding allegory or thinking more broadly about things.  

I hope that she understood the meaning a little deeper than before.

Shadowman – 30th June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments
Englehart

Wound tight, played precise
A night fight, all that jazz
Voodoo spell, doll will dance
Deadside hell and razzmatazz
Pagan sages, a ragtime roll
Inner rages in shadow hours
Pinprick pain, man divided
Ridden insane by fiendish powers

Inspired by the original run of the Shadowman comic. Submitted to FOWC with Fandango – tight and precise along with the Word of the Day Challenge – jazz

Bennu is a Heron 2023全新EP -「despite the world is so big, but not a corner belongs to me」現已上線。
四曲自我記錄忠實呈現，獻給2019 – 2022的我們，祝好。

Home, Sweet Home
「未曾問你來自哪裡。」
關於家，關於身份，關於歸屬，關於靈魂的容納之處。

Injurer
「你還像從前那般？」
關於憤怒，關於立場，關於公義，關於變成曾經憎恨的人。

My Dream
「昨晚睡得好嗎？」
關於愛，關於記憶，關於留戀，關於每一個不眠之夜。

Fairy Tale
「你啟程後，不會再回來了吧。」
關於海，關於浪漫，關於自我，關於不設限的未知旅程。

實體將於10月發售

Vinyl release is a DIY worldwide co-operative with:
Desperate Infant Records
Qiii Snacks Records
Sango Records
ungulates
22 Records
Calm Lake Records
tenzenmen
Gizzmoix Records 

Originally digitally released by Sango Records @sangorecords and Desperate Infant Records @desperate.infant.records
Recording by 伟松&拓坤@RC Studio, Nam@Zhuying Studio and Sam@Home
Mixing / Mastering by Brian@Sound Blade Studio
Artwork by Jumpgate, Saki, Yellow and Jinbo

Bennu is a Heron (Guangzhou, China)
贝努是只苍鹭，来自广州的 Skramz / Emoviolence 乐团，由多支 Hardcore 乐团的乐手组成。 以所见、所闻、所想为出发点，直白陈述内心情绪。
Vocal – Jinbo
Guitars – Sam & Joe
Bass – Gao
Drums – Chal

Today I’m feeling:

Still a little dusty and vague. Predictably, last night I didn’t sleep well as indigestion bothered my stomach and the oysters bothered my guts. 

A really vivid poop dream got me out of bed as the oysters decided to make their early exit and it was a struggle to get a good deep sleep after that.

Today I’m grateful for:

Starting to feel normal again this evening.  Even early this afternoon I could still taste Friday night’s whiskey in my mouth.  This evening I seem to have my energy and motivation back after pushing through with a few things this afternoon.

The best thing about today was:

Sorting things out this afternoon for the Bennu 12” release and the upcoming MPC CD, downloading some comics, listening to some tunes and playing a bit of guitar.  I have to try and force myself into my room this week to play some more.  No book reading again this weekend sadly.  I really want to read more but seem more invested in YouTubing.  I’m going to turn off the video I’m about to watch and read instead.

Something I learned today?

Watching the Swans mini-match I found out that we lost by one point in a poor game.  Hopefully, it keeps us from being complacent.

I took this picture because I needed a shot to put on Bandcamp to try and sell this latest release from Bennu Is A Heron.

Dad No Dad – 29th June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

It’s not your fault you couldn’t be
A good or bad father to me
Dying when I was only three
I never even knew your face

And son, although I never had
A chance to learn to be a dad
It never made me feel so bad
I’ll do my best for you

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge – dad

The following is a letter from July 17, 2023, delivered today from the past

Dear FutureMe and FutureAmy,

Today is 17th July 2023 and Amy has just come back from Australia for one month and has whizzed around cleaning the house and getting it up to her standard of cleanliness.

Of course, she will have to clean it again when she comes back again in October!

Writing this today I feel quietly hopeful that Amy will be able to find herself again in Thailand. The onset of the pandemic at the end of 2019 really disrupted our plans to do some kind of business on our land or somewhere in Chiang Rai.

I think we all went a little stir-crazy being stuck at home so much, though for me I am quite comfortable sitting back and enjoying our little paradise.

I hope by the time this letter arrives that Amy hasn’t run off again to another part of the world in frustration. But whatever has happened I will support her. I have resolved to stay here and see out the lives of our cats and I am fine with that, whether Amy is here or not. Wherever she is in the world I can feel her with me. I want her to be happy.

When you receive this email it will be your birthday my little moo. I never know what to get you because I have already given you all that I have. Know that wherever you are, you have all my love.

Happy Birthday for another year, little Amy
Love you,
Shauny

Today I’m feeling:

A bit dusty after my first night of drinking this year.  I fell asleep in my clothes last night, half expecting to be dragged up again. At some point, I must’ve undressed as I was naked when I got up at 10am with a whiskey mouth.

Today I’m grateful for:

The staff at La Favola who took care of us tonight for Amy’s birthday dinner. We had a great time, overloading on their buffet, especially the oysters.

The best thing about today was:

Besides late morning coffee and dinner, the rest of the day was mostly spent either sleeping or reading in bed. 

The best thing was going out for a fancy dinner and having a good feeling of being together tonight.

Something I learned today?

The AFL usually quickly puts up videos of the last two minutes of very close games and I happened to see that there was one for the Swans game today which is a bad sign. Did we manage to scrape by or just lose? I’ll find out tomorrow.