Author: shaun tenzenmen

Australasian DIY music specialist and practising poet, amongst other things

All The Arms We Need – 27th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments

The truth took the wind from me
I’m still not ready to stand
This isn’t the way it was meant to be
It’s not quite how I planned

I cannot face this world today
Please comfort me, I am in need
Give me the power to walk away
To heal me as I bleed

Together in the world we’ve built
And the challenges we are thrown
After all the tears we’ve spilled
We will never walk alone

A second submission to WDYS (picture above) and inspired by events from last night

Today I’m feeling:

Super tired due to waking up a couple of times during the night as Amy was checking on Cap who was very restless and crying often.  

It’s still difficult to see if there is anything specifically wrong but Amy will take him back to the vet to double-check this morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding Amy starting to watch the Netflix version of the Three Body Problem, so I said Hey, let’s watch it together.

I will try to put out of my mind how good the books were and try to judge this on its own merits.

The best thing about today was:

Cap seeming to improve a little after stopping one of the medicines the vet had given him a couple of days ago.  He’s still not eating or drinking much but he seems to be getting better rest and looks to be in less discomfort.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I rolled with the things that were working against me and sure enough, by sitting still and doing nothing, the world revolved full circle and back into my favour.

Something I learned today?

I met Kru Ren this morning and discovered that he has been tasked with creating the full curriculum for the integrated English classes next year.  He’s flummoxed!  He knows what a stupidly huge task he has been given and I commiserated with him because it’s pretty crazy to be given just a few weeks (that should be a holiday) to prepare.

It seems that he is also tasked to teach it and he has made the same complaint as myself – we don’t have the knowledge level to teach the sciences and other subjects.

Even things that we do have knowledge of would take much preparation to teach at the grade 7 level.

When I was doing the same in primary it would often take me six hours prep to teach a two hour class!

Good luck Kru Ren!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I talked with Kru Lucky about information on scholarships and exchange programs to pass on to Anchan, which I duly did.

To be honest, I’m not very optimistic that she can achieve a full scholarship and I hope that she doesn’t get disheartened.

She did seem to have a couple of backup plans though so it seems she has already thought about this.  

She’s a good kid and deserves better than what her situation is offering her.

I took this picture because as I was waiting for Amy this little chap flew up for a quick inspection and I just managed to get my phone out in time for this shot before darting off to his nest.

Our Part – 26th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

When judgement comes, what may you say
In your defence?
For every tiny part you play
Comes at some expense
With violence spent, you walked away
All of it forgotten
Whilst those you hurt were forced to stay
Sour and turning rotten

When judgement comes, it will be
Seen from your heart
For better or worse, you set me free
You played your part
A part in miniature, a part of me
Reborn stronger
My part in this is plain to see
And I will stay longer

Inspired by the poem Until Then (’till the last petal falls) by Michelle Ayon Navajas and comments there.
Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge Miniature

Today I’m feeling:

Uncertain.  I just looked in the mirror and felt old and worthless.  Perhaps it’s because I’m not around the energy of the kids at the moment.

Last night Amy also cried that Thailand isn’t her place anymore and that she feels more at home in Australia.  There’s a lot behind that but there is also a factor that I haven’t written about here because it’s a sensitive topic and the situation is ongoing.  Needless to say, I understand her feeling, whilst not sharing it.

She also asked me if I would ever go back to England to live and I said no, which made me consider her position.

I seem to have really found myself here and just have no real idea what I would do with myself back in Australia.

Anyway, this is not a new feeling or thought and is not able to be actioned upon just yet due to having our cats and our home here, which we would need to sell.  Sometime in the future though, it looks a given that we will be back in Australia.

Today I’m grateful for:

My student, Nong Aoi, who called me this evening as she was happily cooking and eating with her boyfriend and friends.  Despite giving me big headaches last year enough to make me worry that she was going off the rails, she has calmed down a little now and is quite sweet and affectionate.  I think it’s nice that my students feel comfortable enough to call me.  I’m doubtful that they call other any other teachers.

Yesterday I also messaged a little with Nong Nam, who was Aoi’s accomplice in giving me grief last year.  She has also matured a little more now and said that she really appreciates that I contact her every six months or so to check in on her.  Sometimes it’s the small actions that make all the difference.

The best thing about today was:

Quietly reading 2000AD and Judge Dread Megazine stories after getting home mid-afternoon.  It was excellent and I was savouring the time spent.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got a glimpse of my new classes from Kru Mai today and whilst he has taken heed of my reluctance to be involved with the Integrated classes for next semester he has spread me out into other high school classes which means figuring out new lessons to teach.

I would also not teach any grade 7 classes, for which I already have a hundred lessons accumulated over the last three years.  Oh well, new challenges lay ahead.

Cappuccino is still not looking too good at the moment and doesn’t seem to be able to settle himself into a comfortable position, like there’s something not right in his hips or belly.  Poking around doesn’t seem to cause him any discomfort but something is obviously not right.

Amy and I are both wary as it was at this time last year that Kim got sick and went to the vet a couple of times until that fateful day she didn’t come back alive.

Something I learned today?

In medieval Europe, mercury was used in medicine and manufacturing. Hatters were specifically exposed to mercuric nitrate, a form of inorganic mercury.

By 1837, “mad as a hatter” was a common saying.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent messages out to a few more students today to check in on how they are doing.  I discovered that Anchan is having a tough time of things these days.

She has been living with her uncle as the rest of her family have been put in prison for an illegal online gambling website!  She says her uncle is never around so she has to take care of the house and as she is not getting any money from her mum now she has to help her grandmum with selling things and gets barely enough to buy herself food.

And all that is taking away from her school work where, amazingly, she is still motivated to push herself and enrolling herself in extracurricular activities.  She’s only 14 years old.

She asked for some help with information about exchange programs to Australia and I talked a little with Kru Champ about that as it is something he is working on in the future.

It’s frustrating to see smart, motivated kids trapped in situations like this.  I hope she doesn’t give up and lose herself as so many teenagers can do.

I took this picture because Cap is not quite feeling well at the moment, unfortunately. 

We’ll Be All Right – 25th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Get ready for the struggle
Get up and get strong!
Don’t waste time on the puzzle
If all the pieces are wrong

Injustice sits in the heart
Sending signals to the head
Ignore them from the start
Choose to grow instead

The world is not unkind
Neither is it cruel
Fast forward, not rewind
The correct use of the tool

Inspired and paraphrased from The Red Hand Files #272

2nd Jun 2024 – Submitted to the Word of the Day Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

I’ve got some energy today, mainly through having ideas for lessons for next semester, which I need to focus on this week in preparation.  

I just hope that what I’m working on is suitable for the students and not above their level.  

I sometimes overestimate how skilled the students are and as this is my first time teaching grade 12 I have some reservations.

Today I’m grateful for:

Cap being able to come home from the vet.  He hates being there as he is a princess scaredy-cat a lot of the time.  

I doubt he slept much for the last three days but the saline has helped stabilise his blood levels and hopefully, he soon gets his appetite back.

The best thing about today was:

Getting on a roll with my lessons.  I checked with the grade 12 teacher from last year and they were very supportive of what I was hoping to teach some of these students.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I talked to Kru Mai about changing one of my classes so that they matched the other classes in that grade and he said he will look at it.  

But in the process of that conversation, the annual discussion of integrated study came up again and our grade 7 and 10 classes may need to follow that format.

I argued against this unless we are given the lessons to teach (which is not likely).  Every year they try to implement this and it’s always been shot down but it looks they are going to try and muscle it in somehow this time.

Also, any rejigging of our classes may also mean I don’t end up teaching the grade 12s that I just spent all day working on lessons for.  I asked if that could be left alone because I hope that I can get this opportunity to test out my skills and abilities, as well as the students.

Something I learned today?

USA TikTok users said that they were worried if the company was sold to a US corporation, believing that it would be more censored and restricted than it is currently as a subsidiary of a Chinese company.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Amy asked me to do many little things for her this evening and I’ve done them as required, even though it interrupted things that I was doing.

I took this picture because the full moon was looking rad as I went out to help Amy in the teaching room. She has plans for it but I’m not sure exactly what yet.

House Of Dreams – 24th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

What goes on in there?
Door ajar, window wide
Unholy noises emanate
Secrets unseen inside

Are there witches
Three crone sisters
That talk in tongues
And hypnotic whispers

A crash and a scream
There’s blood supposed
Suddenly the doors
And window closed

The shadows darken
And take their leave
Was it just a nightmare
That kids believe?

Inspired by the attached picture that reminds me of my own childhood home a little but made me think more of a house that as kids we used to pass sometimes at night and heard all sorts of weird noises coming from. Our childish minds formed ghosts and witches and we would run past as quickly as possible. A few years later and I ended up dating the girl that lived there with her wild and crazy mum and girlfriend and I soon saw for myself what was making all the noise inside. They were bat-shit crazy. It was fun for a while.

Submitted to Crimson’s Creative Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired and underwhelmed so far though I’m waiting for my first coffee. I haven’t been sleeping well due to discomfort in my shoulder and struggling to breathe clearly.

Today I’m grateful for:

That the AFL website now has a dedicated page for match replays where the scores are not displayed.  

Maybe they had it before but this is season is the first time I’ve found it.

The best thing about today was:

Realising what I can do for my grade 12 classes next year.  Last week Australia announced that they are raising the IELTS level for students from 5.5 to 6.  Already well above most kids level but as we were talking about it it reminded me of when I was teaching Chinese students online, preparing them for the Speaking exam.

So I figure why not use my class to prepare these kids and go through a different set of IELTS questions, discussing and preparing one week and then attempting the following.

It should be easy enough to find sample questions online again and it will just be a case of wash, rinse, repeat.  I love it when an idea comes to me like this because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with this class.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Today has been pleasantly full. From coffee to immediately getting home and watching the Swans play well to beat Essendon, then straight out for buffet sushi lunch at a place we hadn’t tried before, to visit Cap at the vets and then a little shopping at Makro on the way home, straight into my room to play guitar and then to finally sit and watch some YouTube videos at around 5.30 pm.

I’ve been glad to be on the go for a change as I’ve not been moving my old bones enough for this last week or so and I’m feeling it.

Something I learned today?

I finally found out where to change the setting on my Mac to do a three finger window drag!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Amy hurried me along to not wait around with my morning coffee as I usually do today but thankfully I was up early enough to get back and watch the football with enough time for us to make it to lunch before she started biting my head off.

I’m happiest when …

Listening to music, reading a book, reading a comic, playing with students – when the joy resonates through my body bringing me to a point of savouring.  

Anything that triggers this is when I’m happiest and sometimes, if I remind myself, I can activate this feeling at will.

The Golden Rule – 23rd March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

When good and evil were formed
Hearts either chilled or warmed
So then every God had warned
To follow the golden rule

I will no longer subscribe
That my life is a tragic ride
Not a rose-tinted world I describe
Just a way of looking and seeing

So sound the bells and travel far
Drop a coin and pass the jar
It’s up to us to heal the scar
Tragedy is a choice

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge – Tragedy and inspired by comments there.

Today I’m feeling:

Rested and slow to get going. Two Utopian coffees are working their magic though I wish I could clear the phlegm out of my body and breathe clearly again.

Today I’m grateful for:

The Ruamittr ice cream in the freezer that Amy only told me about today!

The best thing about today was:

Clean (and new) sheets!

Something I learned today?

It was interesting to read an old interview with all the members of Rancid and to hear a wild story about an exhumed baby at Gilman Street!

The Trail – 22nd March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 13 Comments

A resplendent hall of brown and greys
Escher lines, a maze, amaze
Djinns in from the desert dunes
Rest before the trail resumes

Submitted to WDYS #230 and Moonwashed Musings

Today I’m feeling:

Phlegmy and short of breath.  I slept fairly well but yesterday another piece of porcelain fell off one of my teeth and has made it sensitive.  One tooth fixed, another one broke!

Today I’m grateful for:

A storm!  Hooray!  I noted last year that we had a storm around this time in March which cleared the air for a while, but then got much worse as more fires were lit once it dried out again, which doesn’t take long.  The forecast is for ten or more days of 35-degree plus sunny weather after today!  Oh well, enjoy the air while it is breathable.

The best thing about today was:

Getting some positive feedback on some of my poetry and being inspired to write more, as well as trying to read and appreciate more of what others write.

Something I learned today?

My old student, and Baipad’s best friend, Jan will change schools to Sammakhi next semester.  I hope Baipad doesn’t miss her too much though she knew that they wouldn’t be in the same class next year anyway, so she was hopefully a little prepared to accept this news.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Again, I randomly messaged a few of my students to chat and encourage them in their holidays.  Tonaor was having a bad time with a boy so I comforted and encouraged her.  And of course, I congratulated Jan on getting into Sammakhi.

I also messaged Nice, my old primary student, who I will teach again next semester.  I asked for her input to help me plan what to teach them and she was very helpful, which I really appreciated.

When I got home at lunchtime Amy wanted to take Cap to the vet, which was ok with me.  In the end, I’m glad we did as one of his blood levels was slightly high and they recommended for him to stay in a couple of days on a drip to help stabilise that because it can become more critical.

Amy took this picture because the surprise morning storm blew all the smoke away to reveal the blue sky again. Though only for an hour or two!

The Opposite Is True – 21st March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

In a world of lies
The opposite is true
It’s little surprise
To either me or you

When Newspeak terms
Manipulate meaning
The population learns
Between-the-lines gleaning

When news is not news
Opinion and not fact
Open to abuse
And control how we act

I never thought
To live in 1984
After being taught
And then taught some more

Submitted to Writer’s Workshop Prompts

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and phlegmy.  Coughing lots from my chest and struggling to breathe a little too.  May succumb to an afternoon nap today!  I’m saying that and it’s not even 8 am.

Today I’m grateful for:

Yukari for sending me all the Limited Express CDs that I’m missing, along with some extra things to check out.  Sadly I couldn’t avoid paying the customs tax without it becoming a big pain in the ass to deal with.  Never mind.  You win some, you lose some.

The best thing about today was:

Spending the morning at House blogging and writing.  And drinking coffee.

Also, in the afternoons recently, when I’m home I catch up by adding blog posts from 1998, capturing emails, that I miraculously saved to text files at the time, of conversations with TLJ.  They’re a trip to revisit again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst I managed to push through the afternoon without a nap, I ran out of energy, needing to eat, before getting to practice guitar and now, after eating I feel lazy and sleepy and will probably get an early night (of reading!)

Something I learned today?

A student (Min) that I never taught but would often chat to around school told me that now she has finished high school she will go to Maejo University in Chiang Mai to study business and hopes to possibly get into real estate.  Not a bad goal to aim for.  I wished her luck.

Amy and I are considering buying the land next door to us as with the road widening going on and more construction in the area, prices are being pushed up.  It could be a good time to invest but it’s also a risk.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent a few messages to various students to see what they are up to during the holidays.  Keep them practising English a little and trying to come up with responses beyond ‘eat, sleep, play game’!

The Bridge – 20th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments

The demons are attacking our integrity
The bogeyman is coming
Teeth razor-sharp

*We stand at opposite ends of the bridge
That we both hope to cross*

Unable to turn away from the pain
Manipulated and manufactured
Misused for another’s gain
Consent assumed given

*Taken from Joanna Chen’s censored article at Guernica – still found using the Wayback Machine
Submitted to dVerse – Look Sharp, Now!

Today I’m feeling:

Similar to yesterday in that I feel like I have an oncoming cold.

Yesterday’s trip to the hospital doesn’t seem to have fixed up Amy’s skin allergy so we’ll go to the city this evening to see her doctor who usually is able to help with issues like this.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s specialist skin doctor who advised exactly what she thought her problem was and prescribed medicines to help. Amy trusts this doctor and was much more upbeat after seeing her.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out which classes I will teach next semester. Some new challenges for me that have got me thinking already.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When Kru Karn first showed me my new classes I saw that I would teach my two most testing groups of students again. Ah well, I can deal with it, I thought to myself. 

As it turned out it wasn’t my classes and I found that I don’t have to teach them at all!

I haven’t exercised for over a week now due to not feeling well and also due to the toxic air. I don’t want to be gulping down big gasps of it, trying to catch my breath whilst exercising.

Something I learned today?

A Boeing employee was giving evidence in court blowing the whistle on the company (for what I’m not exactly sure).  Boeing’s lawyers asked him to stay an extra day to add more detail and answer questions.  However, the following morning he was dead by supposed suicide!  And he had already told colleagues that if he was ever found dead it would definitely not be from suicide.  Will corporations in the USA still be allowed to get away with murder?

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I messaged David that the new class lists were available so that he could go and get it from school and start preparing for next year too.

My vile deed today was cutting into traffic at the annoying traffic lights near the hospital. Minus a karma point or two.

Nothing new today so here’s Garfield again.

Faux Concern – 19th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Who determines the state of us turtles?
Is it those that pump poison into my home?
As if there is not enough for us to deal with
Better you didn’t exist and left us all alone

Submitted to Monday Poetry Prompt – determine, state, turtle

Today I’m feeling:

A little better.  I started to feel almost ok after eating some dinner last night. I wasn’t really hungry but ate anyway and glad that I did.  I struggled with sleep again last night but don’t feel too tired yet; I know that I really need to push through today and not take a nap so that I can enjoy a good sleep tonight.  Right now – 8 am – I feel like I have the start of a cold or flu again, much like I did last week.  So despite feeling better than I did on Saturday, I’m still on the edge.

Today I’m grateful for:

The hospital being close by and able to see Amy for whatever allergy is bothering her skin at 9 pm. Hopefully, it’s nothing serious but best for her to get checked as she has had attacks from allergies before.

The best thing about today was:

Playing lots of guitar although much of it was frustrating as I haven’t played much this week and I can notice the struggle I am having to get my coordination working again.

Something I learned today?

I learned what a cherita is in poetry. I will give this a go sometime.  I’m currently thinking about a cascading poem using a nomeansno lyric as a starting point.

Cherita (pronounced CHAIR-rita) is a linked poetry form of one-, two- and three-line stanzas.

Cherita is the Malay word for “story” or “tale”.

A cherita consists of a one-line stanza, followed by a two-line stanza, and then finishing with a three-line stanza.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I talked a little bit with my student Earn again and gave her some more encouragement as she figures out who she is and where she is going in her life.  As usual, it’s wonderful to watch these kids grow and mature.

How do I practice self-care on a busy day?

My days are mostly made busy by self-care!  Over the last few years, I have been bringing self-care to the forefront of my mind and I no longer mean this in a selfish way (as I might have done in the past).

My days are generally not that busy so the remaining time is taken up with self-care in the form of reading, writing, relaxation and thinking.  On a busy day, the actions are the same.  Each space must be filled with thought that ensures care for one’s self (along with everyone around).

I took this picture because the school cat Garfield was waiting for cuddles and rubs this morning.

Gift Return – 18th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

I.

This time is a gift I give
Sharing these pictures on a page
The words a gift from the past
So that you remember the age

This love is a gift I give
To teach is to learn is to teach
Wisdom is the gift I offer
Put within your reach

II. (Rolling Haiku)

The gift keeps giving
To the wisdom of learning
Each generation
To the wisdom of learning
The gift keeps giving

Submitted to No Theme Thursday

Today I’m feeling:

Tired because I had slept too much over the last two days and so struggled to sleep last night along with Cap wanting to be let out and back in again three times.  I hope to get home in the early afternoon and catch up on some sleep then.  The air is still making me feel dizzy and sick too.

Today I’m grateful for:

The four staff at the post office who I communicated with Google Translate telling them that I didn’t want to pay customs tax on a parcel from Yukari in Japan.  The shirt and CDs were already expensive and I don’t want to have to pay even more just to receive them.

Anyway, in my mind I’m already resigned to having to pay the tax but I thought that I would try my best to not and the four guys were all a little stuck as it is just their job to collect the money and send it to the customs people.

I explained that the things in the parcel were just some stuff that I left in Japan when I was visiting there and it was just being sent back to me.  The value on the customs declaration is just for insurance claims if it gets lost.  They were sympathetic but said they just collected the money.

This would be different in Australia where you have a good chance of not paying import duty if you can argue a good case as I have done in the past on several occasions.

Well, as it was up to the customs people I asked them to call them and explain the situation.  They tried but said there was no answer, maybe because it was lunchtime.  OK, when you’ve talked to them you can call me and I gave them my phone number and left.

I doubt that they will call as none of them speak English so I will go back in a day or two and see what the situation is.

The best thing about today was:

Getting my grading files all done and dusted by 9.30am, allowing me time to enjoy coffee before a little bit of shopping, where, finally, Big C has the Strawberry Granola in stock again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I suppose the situation above that I describe about the customs tax is out of my control and I dealt with it calmly and softly.  There was no point in getting upset with the staff at the post office – they were just doing their job.

How do I deal with uncertainty?

I remind myself that everything is uncertain.  When you consider that everything is uncertain and that you have been dealing with this reality for 56 years already, you might not be exactly sure how you deal with it but like my mum always said you ‘just get on with it.’

I have become more flexible and accepting of change over time, something I know that Hayden often struggles with.  I have also reduced my expectations around things being a certain way – Thailand has taught me this quite well.

I took this picture because Cap looked like he was curled up in a warm winter house with a fire roaring nearby which couldn’t be further from the truth. This old man is still so cute.