Author: shaun tenzenmen

Australasian DIY music specialist and practising poet, amongst other things

Love I Feel – 15th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

This is not love I feel
Salty sweat drips off my cheek
And falls onto your neck

Make a pillow of your shirt
That got this thing started!
Let’s rest here a while
Pretending that this is love I feel

Submitted to Friday Writings #117 – Sensual Clothing

Today I’m feeling:

Not as good as yesterday.  Woke up with a chest full of phlegm that was keen to be expelled.  

A little dizzy and unclear though I’m very happy that my teeth feel more normal again and I’m getting used to being able to eat on both sides of my mouth (for a while at least) and not flinch when drinking cold drinks, though I am still mentally preparing for it.

Today I’m grateful for:

The chocolate almonds that have been sitting in the fridge and that I just opened.  I can’t remember who gave them to us now.  I had to stop myself from scoffing too many.

The best thing about today was:

Talking and playing with the last few students I knew that were hanging around at school this morning.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My body is rebelling against the air pollution and the medicines to soothe my inflamed throat and stop my eyes from itching.  The day is a dark yellow pall, like a 14-hour twilight.  Not much I can do about it except wear a mask. Even that irritates my ears and gives me a headache.  Damn, this weather sucks.

Something I learned today?

Do you know why movies are called movies? It’s because the pictures move. Makes sense, right? And then you remember that movies were originally silent. And what we call movies today were originally called talkies, to distinguish them from silent movies. It’s a fun reminder that we live in a tiny branch of all the possible futures that could have existed.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I helped Amy pack the gift packs for the monks tomorrow.

I helped Auntie cut a couple of banana trees so that she could park her car on the land next door and I parked her hi-tech car for her, having needed to be shown how to lift off the handbrake because there was no handbrake, just a button.

I took this picture because tomorrow is Amy’s brother’s wedding and they’ve prettied up the living room and it looks nice.

Just A Friend – 14th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Being that she is someone who
Seeing makes me happy, the
Snowball’s chance in hell
A know-all’s what you are
But not everything is about you,
Shut up for a minute to
Hear the story I tell,
Clearly, it’s not about me
So you are the one who
Go and let me be my
Best for all of my friends,
Rest your head where you are

A golden shovel using Black Flag’s Jealous Again – “Who the hell are you to tell me who my friends are”, with bonus rhyming first words (mostly).
Submitted to Living Poetry’s Monday Poetry Prompt: Green

Today I’m feeling:

Better than yesterday for sure.  My throat is still a little itchy and my brain isn’t quite in gear but I have little to do at school today and can relax a lot.  Maybe I will even sleep in the dentist’s chair today.

Today I’m grateful for:

My new bridge that fixes my teeth up again until the next crumbling occurs. My mouth feels semi-normal again.

The best thing about today was:

Trying new coffee at Block Booster as Gui is in Japan for a week. The coffee was pretty good and the time flew by way too fast there and all of a sudden I had to rush to be at the dentist, who was predictably, running late.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I ran out of energy in mid-evening and didn’t get to write here or finish any Thai study. Never mind.

What does ‘home’ mean to me?

Home means safety and comfort.  

A little more obliquely, home is where my stuff is.  I can make a home anywhere.  

There was a period of time when, after living at ‘home’ with my mother for twenty-plus years I moved house more than ten times in the space of two years (including moving from the UK to Australia).  

Each of those places was home in some small way.

I took this picture because I had to take Amy to get noodles and whilst we were waiting the sun was a deep pink turning burning red through the smoky atmosphere as seen at the end of the soi.

If I… – 13th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

If I was a woman
I, too, would shout for
An end to the patriarchy
To even the score

If I was a woman
I would happily strut
With head held high
“I am not a slut”

If I was a woman
I would live without fear
Of the rape and violence
That is happening here

If I was a woman
I would guide the boys
Away from stupid wars
And their destructive toys

As I am a man
I can do this too
To teach my sons respect
To be honest and true

Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge #321

Today I’m feeling:

Sick. I already decided that I wouldn’t go to school last night and I slept for 11 hours and woke feeling no better. I grabbed some medicine which did help and when I finally ate that helped a lot too. 

I have to go to the dentist tomorrow so I hope to be feeling better by then.

Today I’m grateful for:

Water. Over the last couple of years, I’ve watered the garden less and most things seem to survive from what they get during the rainy season. 

Often now though our pump stops working and Amy believes it is because there is not enough ground water to pump up. I don’t think that can be the case though as there was so much rain last year. 

Unfortunately, that means that there will likely be something else that is the problem that needs fixing. 

At the moment we can just restart the pump and it’s ok again until the next time we want to water the garden.

The best thing about today was:

Watching the first episode of the Chinese adaptation of Three-Body Problem. It was pretty good and the second episode is free to watch online but I’m not sure if I’ll take the time to find and the rest to watch for free.

Something I learned today?

More Children Killed by Israel in Gaza War Than in Four Years of Worldwide Conflicts

More than 12,300 children have been killed in the Gaza Strip between Oct 2023 and the end Feb 2024.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I did some watering whilst Amy was busy with her family organising things for the wedding this weekend.

Taking A Ride – 12th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Flying far above the troubled waters
Only the wind knows where it goes
Exiting the city through deep ravines
Up across mountains where little grows

Just one more mile, one more minute
There’s safety on the other side
From one prison wall to the next
The pleasure is in taking the ride

Submitted to FFFC

Today I’m feeling:

A little rundown.  I slept a little earlier than usual and when Tigger woke us up at 5am, crying with the sunlight, I reset my alarm to skip my exercise.

When I woke I was still sleepy and soon realised I had stuffy nose and a little sore throat.  I think it is from the air pollution but I’m hoping it doesn’t turn into a cold.

I think the air pollution is also contributing to the tiredness as it perhaps inhibits enough oxygen intake and though not noticeable as the day goes by it could be having that effect.

Today I’m grateful for:

The little story I wrote below about Ozone and friends.

The best thing about today was:

The good mood of the students that were at school and then the four hour break I was able to take between classes to do some reading, writing, studying and thinking.

Something I learned today?

Whilst watching the video yesterday about RipX DAW there was mention of AI music makers so I’m giving one a go right now, Suno.ai.  

The ‘punk’ option is generic pop punk which I could guess at.  Trying to see if I can get anything weird out of it next.  

Hmm – nope.  But I don’t think that is all the fault of the AI but me not knowing how to use the prompt correctly to get what I want.  

I may try again later.  I also may not….

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

BB ran up to me this morning saying ‘Help me, help me’ and she pulled down her mask to show half an earring sticking out from her nose!  She wanted me to push it in for her!

I gave it a little push but couldn’t stand to think that I was causing her pain so told her to keep trying by herself.  I tried to find a needle for her later but to no avail.

She eventually gave up and decided to go to the shop to get it done.  Probably for the best!

Monkey girl Sarah was playing with Ozone’s wallet so I held out my hand and Sarah gave me all the notes folded up in there.  Then she unzipped the coin section and I held my hand again and she handed me all the coins.  Ozone was watching all this but didn’t complain too much, until I left with all her money in my pocket.

I went back to my classroom and Sarah appeared a couple of minutes later trying to get the money back but I sat down and held my hands over my pockets.  They begged and tickled and fought with me but I wouldn’t give the money back.  Eventually I agreed to go back and hand the money back to Ozone directly.

She was sitting in her classroom talking with her friend and I jokingly told her that I already gave the money to Sarah.  Sarah screamed that I was lying and we all laughed as I pulled out the money and handed it back.

Afterwards, I was thinking about this little game and realised that Ozone, Sarah and all feel that they can trust me. They know that it is just a game and that everything will turn out right.

Sarah took this picture yesterday and this is another monkey in her class, Praewa. Praewa came to my grade 7 class today to be with her boyfriend and it occurred to me that KanomBang from that class is a younger version of Praewa. She is a little more restrained but playful in a fun way and comfortable to play with me.

Nobody Knows – 11th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 23 Comments

“Why does Spring once again offer its green clothes?”*
A break from the darkness, sprung from where nobody knows

Clinging to warmth on those dark winter nights
Hiding under covers as daylight dallies. Nobody knows

where the world is heading, these paths to be unmuddied
Always turning, the coming and going. Nobody knows

when the lights will turn off, green concedes to the dark again
Again, again – why the black dog barks, nobody knows

These clouds shower down a ridiculous rain
As I long for the green, now gone where nobody knows

*From Pablo Neruda’s ‘Book of Questions’
Shared with dVerse Meeting The Bar, a ghazal somewhat meeting the criteria!
31st Jul 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty bright and positive.  

My lower back is sore from sitting in the cinema for three hours and this morning a bit of tooth, or porcelain (I don’t know what is mine anymore) broke off whilst eating yoghurt and has left it very sensitive.  

I have an appointment on Thursday anyway so hopefully I can hold on until then.

Today I’m grateful for:

The positive feedback that I’m getting on some of my poetry.  I’m also grateful to have found many prompt pages and ideas around poetry forms which I’m enjoying trying out.

The best thing about today was:

Watching a group of various students, some of whom I knew, bonding together as there are few students around this week.  They were bonding by playing truth or dare and a drinking game, though with an assortment of soft drinks, of course.

Still, it is obvious to me where that idea will lead.  What can I say, that’s what we all did at that age.  You live and learn, hopefully without anything untoward happening.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It was a little annoying that all my first class turned up in the classroom this morning which meant I had to stay around for a while and babysit them, though I took time to visit the other classrooms too.  

All of them were lazily playing on their phones or making up their own ideas of fun.  

I managed to get out about 30 minutes early at least.

Something I learned today?

Britain mocked France and Egypt when they were building the Suez Canal until they realised what a benefit it was for them to be able to get to India two months quicker than previously, in case there was another uprising there.

When Egypt soon came unstuck and wanted to sell its share in the canal, Britain eagerly snapped it up.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I offered some emotional support to Praew who has become slightly isolated in her class recently. 

Also to Kwang who told me that her mum, who is in Bangkok somewhere, has blocked her phone calls.  I don’t think there is any animosity in it but it must suck to know that your mum is too occupied with other things to take your calls.

I took the motorbike for a little ride, sticking in some petrol and charging up the battery a little for Amy as she wanted to go to the market tonight but hasn’t been able to use the bike since it needing to be kick-started on its back stand. She’s too little to pull the bike up onto it though I reckon she could if she really needed to.

What is one thing I want to learn more about?

I’m watching a video about RipX DAW and reminded that I still need to learn more about using a DAW, particularly the one I already paid for (Ableton Live – which has been so long since I tried it that I had to look up what it was called!) and bought a midi keyboard to use with it.  

I’m really interested to do it but can see that it involves a lot of time investment that I don’t really have enough of at the moment.

Sarah took this picture of Ozone because she stole my phone out of my pocket as Praewa dragged me off to dance on the other side of the room. As she filled up my phone with pictures I only found three worth saving at the end of the day.

This Could Be Anywhere – 10th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

Child, let me take you by the hand
Angel, let me walk you home*
The future, waiting to be planned
You don’t need to walk alone

The coming is with each step
Sun rising over dusty hills
The past taught not to forget
The truth each lesson instils

Praise each day’s hidden delight
Adhere to the wisdom of the word
Now let the sunset each night
Angel, your prayers have been heard

*paraphrasing Unrest’s ‘Angel, I Will Walk You Home’. It could be argued that the first line paraphrases Ralph McTell’s Streets of London too.
Title is a line from Gallucci’s ‘You-Wrecker’.
Submitted to No Theme Thursday

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and dizzy because of an evening coffee and then many trips to the bathroom during the night along with Cap wanting to be let in and out of the bedroom a couple of times. Hopefully I don’t sleep in the cinema this afternoon!

Today I’m grateful for:

Going out to see a movie for a change.  I’m grateful that even here in North Thailand I’m not far away from a movie theatre that shows movies in English.

The best thing about today was:

Nothing stands out today in particular.  Everything has been pretty good.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was expecting to leave at around 2pm today but Amy was hungry and said we will leave at 12.  Well, ok then.

My yearly subscription renewal for Quizizz was automatically deducted today which took out a much-needed 800 baht from my account.  

Not much I can do about that as I need the subscription so that I can continue teaching with this tool next semester.  

I am grateful that they didn’t put the price up which is what normally happens.

Something I learned today?

Okinawa used to be called Ryukyu up until the 1870s and was a tributary state to China before Japan invaded on a murderous conquest.

What made me laugh out loud today?

I don’t tend to laugh out loud much these days unless I’m playing with my students at school – they certainly make me laugh a lot.  In day-to-day life though I am…subdued…. Is that the correct word?

I like to think that I am more emotionally stable these days, as I’ve mentioned before, and not so affected by the ups and downs of my mood.

In today’s thoughts about the best thing about today, the whole day has been pleasant and relaxing without any real highlights and definitely no lows.  This is preferable for me these days.

Perhaps I do need to laugh more (outside of school) and be a bit more playful, maybe.

Sarah took this picture on Thursday because I wanted a photo with Apple, Baipad and Jan to remember them and Iphone snuck in on the right too.

Bang Bang, You’re Dead – 9th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

With great spirit
She fought the world
Thought against her
Yet the world was indifferent
When she left

Submitted to Sammi Scribbles

Inspired by news this morning that one of my young female students didn’t come home last night and was seen drunk posting on Instagram. Her name is connected with the poem’s title.

Like all my troublesome students, she reminds me of myself at that age. We fail to see that others want to help us and believe that we know better.

I hope she is safe and that the title doesn’t become a reality.

Today I’m feeling:

Super tired. I slept for about ten hours and when I woke up Amy started asking me questions and I could feel that my brain wasn’t working yet. I couldn’t think what to say!

The air is thick this morning and the mountains are barely visible, my nose blocked and bloody. I guess all the talk of countering the air pollution this year can’t overcome the actual problem. Let’s pray for rain, for all the good that prayer has ever done.

Today I’m grateful for:

An evening out for a change, trying this new restaurant Friendcation. It’s a fancy, expensive, beautiful place. The owners obviously have money though we can’t see how they can make profit yet. Chiang Rai isn’t quite ready yet but in the future they could be perfectly placed to do well.

The best thing about today was:

Reading more about British colonialism in the afternoon. I’m really enjoying this book, though it is hard going with the language used. Once I get into the rhythm of it though I don’t want it to end.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy and I left the restaurant at about 10:45 and Amy wanted to go to The Hideout Bar to check it out. 

I was just tired and wanted to come home though. I didn’t see the point in us having to go tonight when we can go there at any other time to check it out. 

As I was the driver I came home and listened to Amy complaining to along the way.

Something I learned today?

I heard that Pang made it home after her friends heard that the police were going to get involved. Not sure what the fallout from this will be.

I took this picture because this was the pleasant Mediterranean garden environment for our dinner this evening,

The Last Resort Technician – 8th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Like a loopy Ikea jigsaw puzzle
Needing all the king’s horses and men
Humpty Dumpty took sage advice
To R.T.F.M.

Submitted to The Sound of One Hand Typing

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and relaxed.  Now the real semester wind down is happening which saddens me somewhat, as less students bother coming to school, less youthful influence to inspire and the prospect of adult nonsense for the next couple of weeks of grading and lesson planning.  But I will make the best of that.

Today I’m grateful for:

Getting home and then remembering that today is the first game of the season for the Sydney Swans.  The game was actually yesterday but I have to wait until I can watch the replay.  

Every year the site layout changes and I have to try and figure out how to watch the game replay without seeing the score.  I usually don’t manage this on the first game due to the changes and sure enough that’s what happened today.  

But that’s fine – because we won, beating the Melbourne Demons by 22 points.  Watching the game was still entertaining because we played well.  I hope we can keep it up.

The best thing about today was:

Chatting, playing, teaching my students today along with a 4 hour break at House where I did some reading and writing, trying some new forms of poetry and contemplating others.

Something I learned today?

What a ghazal is and forced myself to write one.  It took me about an hour just to figure out ten lines.  It was an interesting exercise though.

I also learned that my grade 7 student Pang never went home yesterday. The night before she and her mum had a fight and her mum told her not to come home again. So that’s exactly what she did!

When Kru Karn was trying to find information from her friends she discovered that Pang skipped school at midday yesterday and went off with her old friends and got so drunk that she couldn’t walk and posted the story on Instagram! If the director of the school ever sees that then that is instant expulsion. 

For me, getting drunk with her friends isn’t that big a deal, it’s what I did at that age too. Hopefully her friends are true friends and will take care of her.

It reminds me of a time when I was about 18 and there was a very drunk 13-year-old in town and my friends and I took care of her. We called her parents to tell them that we were all very sorry but that she wouldn’t be home that night but that we would take care of her. Of course, they were very upset but we did take care of her and found her a female friend to stay with that night. I don’t know what the fallout from that event was but I think we did the right thing taking care of her.

Our worry with Pang is that not only is she strong-willed and wild but that she is on medication for depression. So, along with a risk of being sexually taken advantage of (or willingly accidentally falling pregnant), she is also susceptible to doing something tragic.

I took these pictures because they represent the feeling of the day. My students, hard at work.

Melt – 7th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

No melt off
Here in the tropical East
Hell’s getting hotter

Submitted to Haikai Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

Exhausted despite a long sleep.  I don’t feel good after arguing with Amy last night.  Amy also doesn’t remember some of the things we discussed last night but just remembers that she’s upset.  

She forgot part of our plan this morning for taking Cap to the vet and heading to get the truck first.  It was annoying to me as it triggered another argument last night and yet was forgotten by the morning.  

I feel dumb even writing this down.  

I should be more patient, more forgiving, more understanding.  I should be better than this and I don’t know why I behave the way I do sometimes.  

As I was drifting off to sleep last night I was reminded of what I told Baipad when she was having problems with her mum, that we ‘save our worst behaviour for the people we love the most.’  I want to change that.

Today I’m grateful for:

My job and this school, today organising a great graduation event (at least after all the boring parts were completed anyway) for grade 9s and 12s, some of whom we won’t be seeing again.  

I could feel that the students were in a celebratory mood but also with a slight tinge of sadness as life will change for them all in the next couple of months, whether moving on to university, high school or a job.

The best thing about today was:

Definitely the atmosphere in the school.  It was a relaxed party time for everyone.  

I had a lot of fun with some of my monkey students and couldn’t believe what time it was when I thought about leaving.  A few kids were also keen to introduce me to their parents. 

Days like this make the grind worthwhile.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Only a couple of minor and inconsequential things that were easily dealt with.

Something I learned today?

Starbucks is having to lay off workers as the company is being boycotted for its support of Israel.  Good.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I took Amy (and Cap) to pick up her truck and she will take Cap to the vet.  Between us, at some point today, one of us needs to pick up her mum from the hospital and take her back home.  

If I’m available then I will do it, no problem.  However, as today is the M3 and M6 graduation ceremony I don’t know exactly what times I will be able to get out.

What moment from today do I want to remember?

I want to revel in the happiness that my grade 9 students were feeling for completing their first three years of high school. 

It hasn’t been easy for them or us as teachers as they were particularly affected by pandemic restrictions and having to study online for much of their first semester together.  It took them longer to bond and get into the swing of studying once back in the classroom.  

I can still remember them and their immaturity, slowly changing into young men and women, slowly figuring out their places in their world.  It’s a fabulous feeling and I really enjoy watching it.

Some photos will help me remember too.

I took this picture because Sarah is the funniest monkey. She was a problem to deal with in grade 7 but she found her way and can still have fun but also learn some things too.

With Art and Word – 6th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

With revolutionary thinking
We will knock down the wall
Of the Kool-Aid drinking
Prisoners in it’s thrall

Rise up from your slumber
Take up your arms
You are many in number
Hearing the alarms

Battle with art and word
Against the unfairness absurd

Submitted to dVerse – Slumber
7th May 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty positive though my shoulder is giving me some gip.  Something isn’t right in there and I can’t stretch or roll it out.  I’ve done very little arm exercising for the last couple of months and may just try and push through the pain to get back to it.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy and everything she does to make our house a home. I don’t want to take her for granted.

The best thing about today was:

My grade 10s not turning up for class allowing me time to organise another classes’ worksheets, staple them together and gift them back to the students. I felt good doing that, even if they just throw their work away. At least I made the effort to present their work back to them at the end of the semester.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I lost my cool with Amy when she got overexuberant whilst drunk. She was in a good mood and playful but I was tired and eating and when I didn’t know what she was doing as she tried to put her fingers in my mouth I pushed her arm away. Unfortunately that then set her off and blew up into a fight. Now we are both in a bad mood.

I will try to make her feel better but also just feel like going to bed and sleeping already. I don’t have much patience for drunken antics these days, I’m old and tired when it comes to that. It doesn’t fill me with excitement anymore.

Something I learned today?

2024 marks a special year for cicadas in the USA. It is the first time since 1803 that two specific broods of cicadas (one that emerges every 13 years, and one that emerges every 17) should be emerging together. This co-emergence won’t happen again for another 221 years.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

My vile deed was pushing Amy’s arm away and initiating a tiff. I should have been (even) more patient or be more assertive in a different manner.

I bought some cream chup-a-chups to give to my grade 9 students for their graduation ceremony tomorrow.

I took this picture because I got home to melting cats (again!)