A cracked cup Chipped and faded Sits dusty behind antique glass A spectator to many stories Left untold
Holding congratulations aloft Cheers to that day Or sombre with lukewarm water The passing of time
The spiders came With their own tales Making a new home Hiding in wait But nothing comes All the times have died
The heat, the air The insects and the weeds A cup returns to earth Still cracked, still broken Yet still a cup
Today I’m feeling:
Strong and healthy. But also getting a little positive anxiety to start planning for next semester. It’s positive because I will use that as motivation. At the start of my exercise routine this morning I felt like I would want to fall back into bed by the end of it but I was suitably energised to get myself going. I can feel some of the exercises getting a little easier but push-ups kill me.
Today I’m grateful for:
The DuoCards app that is helping me improve my Thai learning quicker than other apps I use. I’m considering buying the subscription so that I can practice for longer. I currently use 4 free apps which are all time limited. DuoCards is a spaced repetition flashcard system similar to Anki.
The best thing about today was:
Getting a nice message from Earn after I sent her some positive reinforcement in an effort to help her combat her shyness when talking to a boy she likes. She wrote ‘i luv u t.shaun’ which comes as a big surprise as she was very rebellious and grumpy with me for a lot of the time last year.
Also today, Fah tried to sneak away from my class this afternoon and I just happened to see her and call her back and she was a little upset and impatient at the time. I messaged her later and she is smart enough to understand that she shouldn’t have done that.
When some of my students call me ‘father’ in a loving way I sometimes think that perhaps now I am suitable and knowledgeable enough to actually be a father. But that time has come and gone. It also helps that I don’t need to see ‘my children’ for more than a couple of hours at a time!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
For the second time, someone stole my cooling powder from the small teacher’s room where I keep my things at work. I have to remember to see if I can find keys for the lockers in one of the classrooms tomorrow.
Something I learned today?
In a speech directed at the USA Xi Jinping commented on their behaviour with a Chinese idiom along the lines of ‘blowing out everyone else’s light won’t give more light to you’. I liked that as it seems appropriate.
What is one good thing I can do for myself?
Keep going.
I took this screenshot because I thought I could use it from time to time to send to students when they are feeling a little down. I’ve been collecting other similar inspirational quotes for them since too. No new pictures today.
I lied to myself for a long time I always understood the truth Under the twisted thoughts of mine Born of the immaturity of youth
It’s always a struggle, always a fight To keep the evil demons at bay Complacency can be found in the light And the beasts come out to play
Finally, I sought to reject these lies Because I was slowly killing myself I broke the bonds of the feeblest ties And my mind rediscovered its health
Today I’m feeling:
Good and fairly positive. I woke up with a start as my alarm went off implying that I didn’t get enough sleep. I pushed through exercise knowing I was burning up some fat stores as I didn’t eat much at all yesterday, not feeling that hungry, and weighing in under 80kg again today. Throughout the day I was surprised at how well I was feeling and I put it down to the exercise I’ve been doing which inspired me to keep it up.
Today I’m grateful for:
The packet of Tong Garden jumbo raisin medley that I mix with a small packet of party snack mix to add some texture and flavour for a pre-dinner treat.
The best thing about today was:
Being greeted by so many different students, many of whom I didn’t even know, some talking to me about other students in my classes. Everywhere I walk around school students want to talk or at least communicate with me though they can sometimes get cheekily upset when I forget their name, though I might not have spoken to them for three months. I’m slowly starting to find where each little ‘gang’ hangs out at lunchtime so if I’m in the mood and have time I will happily wander around for an hour stopping for chats, play, and sometimes even learning.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In the morning I realised what I’d planned for my class today they had already done, so I quickly threw together a spelling test, 20 words open book and 20 words closed, along with a word search game for each. I started the class with the word search but it soon became apparent that it was really difficult and was going to take longer than expected. As I wanted to do both word searches and tests in one hour I quickly jumped online and remade the second word search easier. Even with that though we didn’t manage to get everything done. There are some poor students in the class who really struggle with spelling and a couple that didn’t write anything at all on the second one. I told them that it didn’t matter if they got everything wrong but they must at least try. One student did indeed get every word wrong but I could tell from what she’d written that she was at least listening and trying. That’s what I prefer, especially as opposed to some others who just copied from their friends.
Something I learned today?
I learned that two of my favourite students had a falling out a few weeks ago and I was a little surprised by it at first but on reflection it’s pretty normal for kids this age. I heard both their stories but couldn’t really get to the bottom of it and either way, I still love them both for who they are with me.
In the morning I had been updating blog entries from 1984 and was disparaging towards Rupert with whom I had been friends with just a week or two before and unfriendly a month or two before that. At that time I was a couple of years older than these two students today, which goes to show how immature I was at then despite hearing how mature I seemed from other people.
What do I hope to experience some day?
Sometimes I miss that feeling of excitement and discovery of new love but it’s been so long and I guess I’m somewhat jaded, just by my age, that if the situation ever arises again I doubt the feeling will be the same. Really, I prefer the feeling I have now anyway, of ongoing love, trust and satisfaction.
I’m avoiding the question.
Have I had all my experiences already? I’m barely shocked or surprised at anything these days. I’m appreciative of being appreciated or rewarded with kind words or even awards but they don’t emotionally charge me at all. I feel like I’m just doing what I do.
I guess I could do some thrill-seeking or travelling. But ultimately everything boils down to the same thing. Being in one place is much like being in another.
Okay, I hope to experience continuing happiness with my little Amy wherever we are in the world. I hope I can take my current feeling of contentment with me in whatever is next in my life.
I took this picture because this shy little cat often sleeps in the shade of my car whilst I’m drinking coffee at House. It’s too nervous for petting though.
With a hammer in hand Chiselling at the stone Crafting at the life planned In one’s thoughts alone
Painting cloudless skies To fall down to this earth Daydream a new surprise Meaning defines its worth
An artist in every way Reflecting deep-held traits When words can never say The statue silently states
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good but in some pain. I fell asleep on my back last night which was pretty unusual for me but I soon woke up needing to pee. Back to side sleeping, my shoulders ached me awake again a few times so when my alarm went off I wanted to sleep a bit more but then I was feeling pain on the left side of my jaw as my rotten teeth decided it was time to tell me to go back the dentist. With needing to pee again it was time to get up. I still managed to motivate myself with a 100 star-jumps and out to have a day of coffee, reading and ironing.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to watch a funny podcast on YouTube that made ironing 17 shirts more pleasant than normal.
The best thing about today was:
I found out Hayden has a new girlfriend called Vashti and I was surprised to hear that she is Aboriginal. I’m not sure why I find that surprising. I only ever met his first girlfriend who was a stereotypical pretty blonde-haired blue-eyed girl. He sounded very happy today and looking forward to his new job doing support work which he is hoping to start in the next week or two.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In general, the garden is out of my control or more specifically it is too big and I’m too lazy to get it under control fully. My priorities lay elsewhere. Handled by Amy asking if we needed the gardeners to come again to which I replied ‘Yes!’
Something I learned today?
Having removed a ton of YouTube subscriptions I returned to Little Chinese Everywhere and Yan’s journey from Europe to China. This time she was in a small Georgian village nestled in amongst rolling green mountains. One particular interaction stood out to me when the old lady owner brought breakfast and Yan said thank you in Georgian and the old lady gave her a hug and said thank you in Chinese. It reminded me of the goodness within most of humanity.
What mystery fascinates me?
Ultimately the mysteries of the truths of the world. Growing to be more aware of histories written by victors or manipulated by those in a position of strength I’m left contemplating what it is that I know that is true. So many lies are so often repeated these days and so much information and counter-information is available. What is it that I should believe?
Mysteries of origin, the universe, the planet, humanity. How can it not entertain the mind? The existential mystery of meaning.
The mystery of what I will eat tomorrow.
I took this picture because I found Tigger sitting here in the unkempt grass and though his colour is stark against the green in this picture he somehow blends in and would be difficult to spot for unsuspecting critters wandering by. Here he just seemed to be enjoying the sun after dinner and looking a little majesterial.
Tired but healthy. I just couldn’t make it up with my alarm and ended up with an extra couple of hours of bad sleep due to aches and pains in my shoulders from my exercise this week. But I got the washing on and have to go shopping and I’m mentally preparing for the stack of shirts to iron. I might even finish the vacuuming that I started last week but didn’t quite complete the kitchen and dining room!
Today I’m grateful for:
The Thai basil plant that Amy planted a few years ago but I was unable to keep alive since she’s been away. However, whilst pulling grass out from amongst the random cactuses we have growing I found a new Thai basil plant growing. Woohoo! I pulled the old one out and threw it over the fence and moved the new one into its place and hopefully, it will survive the move and grow as big.
The best thing about today was:
A relative feeling of accomplishment. I managed to get clothes washed and dried despite the big rain, though it did add another five shirts to the ironing pile which is something I didn’t get done today. I pulled up some grass and weeds, sorted out recycling, took it to our garage and got a haircut. Got all my shopping done too.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
It was time for my 4 or 5-month haircut (see below) as I’d been hacking at it myself recently and as I sat in the chair for the couple of minutes it takes to roll through my hair with the electric razor a big rain blew in with no end in sight. Ah well, a free shower and clothes wash for my ride home. The mountain rain is cold but the air is still warm so apart from drops stinging my face and blurring my glasses it wasn’t too uncomfortable.
Something I learned today?
By chance, I found an app called Sleepagotchi and recommended it to my sleepy struggling student. It needs a bit of setting up and perhaps a wearable device which I doubt she has but it looks like a more fun way of sleep tracking for teenagers than other apps I’ve seen. I’m trying it out to see how well it works.
What are my top three priorities for this week and why?
Finish grading my students as requested by the school. They’ve only requested to fill in 50% of the scores which is ridiculous as we have to have it all completed soon anyway. Why not just do it all? That’s what I’m doing anyway. As I’ve mentioned before grading is a farce here when no student is allowed to fail and 60% of the class must be graded 3 or more (out of four).
Pay the electricity bill, for obvious reasons. Though perhaps if someone is reading this in ten thousand years’ time and is unfamiliar with what may then be an antiquated technology, electricity is something that helps us live comfortable lives.
Get my shirts ironed. What a shit priority! Better to say; keep exercising, reading, writing, playing guitar etc. but they are all things I’m going to do anyway.
Take a view from above.
I sit in the hairdresser studying the hair across the floor. A sunburnt old man, probably younger than me is flat, laying back in the chair as the chatty hairdresser slides a cutthroat razor skilfully around his chin.
A clean tiled floor, two wooden park benches not designed for comfort for customers, and a fridge with a bag of fruit on top. Old dusty fans and faded pictures of landscapes and kings. There is so much dust on the old tape deck that it looks like it hasn’t been touched for years or would even work now.
The ubiquitous plastic chairs badly stacked next to a plastic sink in the corner, dirty from use at weddings, funerals, and dinners.
The room is full yet sparse with the rotating barber seat really the only signifier that this is a room for hairdressing.
The TV blares nonsensical (to me) words from the corner. An emotional lady talking about I don’t know what. Both the man in the chair and another old man younger than me waiting his turn are glued to the woman now tearing up but looks to me to be manufactured viewing fodder.
The little ginger cat is not sleeping here today. Where are you sleeping? Or are you chasing mice somewhere?
The stuffy air in here is filled with the hard-working old men’s sweat. Not particularly unpleasant but a positive reinforcement of satisfaction of work done. Lives worthwhile. The open windows and fan are merely feathering the hot heavy air. The stillness is reflected in everyone’s speed. There’s no hurry here.
Second in line, I’ll sit here happily waiting. I have things to do but they’ll get done when they get done.
I love the utility of this place. A room is only a hairdresser’s when there is someone cutting hair, otherwise, anything can happen here.
Am I nostalgic for poorer days, a voyeur into a past I escaped? I remember the days of make-do and mend and pulled myself sideways to avoid it. There is a sense of community in the struggle that no longer exists for those of us who found bootstraps to pull. The values of freedom and independence are a privilege that often finds us struggling still.
Remembering that the best part of the journey is what you find on the way and not what you find when you arrive pushes us onwards.
Let’s not be nostalgic, not be complacent. Let’s struggle more. Let’s revel in our simplified suffering. We are not facing life and death whilst simultaneously facing a slow life and death.
The woman on TV’s voice is quivering again and it’s my turn to get my hair cut.
I took this picture because this tells Amy exactly where I am and what I’m doing.
The old man looks like his life has been lived The stories contained in the lines on his face No more want except a smile and a seat What would you want to be asked in his place?
picture found in a newsletter but I forget which one.
Today I’m feeling:
Positive but a little tired what with it being the end of the week. I sure don’t feel like Fridays are a big day to plan going out and getting drunk anymore. Get home and read a book. What a boring old man but I don’t care. I’ll do what I enjoy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The iron and ironing board that I have located in front of the lounge to inspire me to sit and iron the thirteen clean shirts here too. I’ll watch something interesting or listen to music to make the passing of that time more entertaining. Anyway, I’m grateful to own this equipment and that both the board and iron have served us well for more than five years already.
The best thing about today was:
As I was leaving after my first class this morning I went to see David who was preparing for his class with 2/6. I didn’t make it in to see him though as different groups of kids came to talk to me. Goya appeared in front of me holding the cutest tiny kitten and I immediately grabbed it for cuddles. I couldn’t quite get to the bottom of why she had a kitten in class and I reluctantly gave it back. Still grieving for Kim and our boys getting old, both Amy and I have told ourselves, no more cats but it’s hard to think about when there are unwanted kittens everywhere all the time. Caring for cats so much has tied us down a lot though. Today Amy said that if we didn’t have cats we would be living permanently back in Australia already. I’m finding that difficult to think about as I am feeling so contented here right now.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I had planned to spend my four free hours finishing off my grading files but when I tried to log in this morning our school was no longer listed in the system for some reason. I checked with another teacher and they had the same issue. It’s not like there was nothing else I could do in the meantime so it was only a minor annoyance and when I posted a message in our teacher’s group Kru Ren advised that the name of our school had changed for some reason and when I tried again I could get in. I updated all but one class and will get that one completed over the weekend. Bend with the breeze.
Something I learned today?
Amy messaged me that the face-tattooed German guy who ran the Bavarian bar in the city is now in a Bangkok jail and due to be deported back home to face murder charges from his time in a biker gang. I was not at all surprised by this news.
What am I looking forward to this month?
The end of it! The end of this semester and then preparing to go to Australia in October. I’m a bit tired today and started to feel a little wearisome to be teaching today though it’s enjoyable once I’m in class.
Kwang took this picture because I left my phone at my desk whilst I was helping other students. She is a smart independent tomboy, currently with a lackadaisical attitude towards studying. So long as she doesn’t go off the rails she’ll be good in the future. She also has a model-like face which she likes to hide with the mask and could be a child actor, model or somesuch. In comparison, this picture is not particularly flattering of me! Still need to work off some excess rolls of fat that accumulated during my prime years in Australia.
Give me a bad day To show you who I am Disturb my applecart And mess with my plan
Look at you, all smiles The sun, it always shines The measure of the man Is found in difficult times
An easy day for me Fills me with compassion For those facing struggle And life comes down a-crashing
So give me a bad day I’m gonna turn it around Enduring all the pain With this attitude I’ve found
Today I’m feeling:
Good for pushing through exercise this morning setting me up for my long day ahead. I’m starting to run out of time each day doing all the things I want to do and I think something is going to have to go and that will be TV and YouTube videos. I’m already cutting down just because of lack of time. Focus on the things I really prefer and enjoy to be doing. Stop wasting time.
Today I’m grateful for:
The language learning app Drops which I use to study Thai but which I have also asked a couple of my poorer students, Namsai and Nomsen, to use to study English and they checked it out this afternoon and seemed find it a little more compelling than Duolingo. I will introduce more of my classes to Drops instead and in the future. I think it is a slightly better learning tool despite not offering any opportunities to speak.
The best thing about today was:
Kinda improvising a lesson with one of my classes today and having it go really well.
The original lesson I had planned wasn’t going to be long enough so I picked up a worksheet about ordinal numbers (they always struggle when asked what the date is) that could fill up the time. I started with it as I was expecting it to only take a few minutes.
As they were getting themselves used to ordinal numbers I figured a best way to remember them was by doing birthdays so I went around the class asking everyone and writing them on the board. I noticed some smart students grabbing pictures so they could remember their classmate’s birthdays.
Once we had all the birthdays I got everyone and asked them to form a line from the first birthday of the year to the last and then spent 10 minutes sorting themselves out and finally I took a photo of them all.
By now time was too short to finish my planned lesson too. So I got them all to write the list of names in the order that had just just stood. This took them a good thirty minutes and I could see everyone puzzling out which name came next until finally they were done. To end, a long Kahoot to reinforce their learning. Everyone was happy and maybe they even learned something.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I decided I needed to catch up a handful of students in one class and the best way to do was to clear out the rest of the students so these ones could concentrate better.
The class went well with the nine students, without all the usual distractions. They were initially a little miffed at their classmates going off for free time but soon understood the faster they got to it the sooner they’d be able to leave.
With some slow careful explanations, I could see some twinkling of understanding in most of them. They finished with 30 minutes spare and off they went and off I went to House for extra coffee.
Whilst I was there I got a message from our department head asking why my students were in the library at the time I was supposed to be teaching them. I got a little annoyed at this at first but I knew that it needed an explanation so I replied doing so. I didn’t get any reply.
Something I learned today?
Scientists have synthesised sugar out of carbon dioxide. Neat!
I took this picture because I wanted a record of the kids doing today’s lesson and lining up in birthday order. There are a few hilarious kids in this class and I hope this picture will be a useful reminder.
Whoever said it, wherever they were Whatever it is that was soon forgot Whenever there’s some wrath to incur To each their own and whatnot
Again, inspired by a short sentence at Spinning Visions blog.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good by the end of the day. I wasn’t quite sure how I was feeling when I got to school and the ‘art event’ that cancelled my morning classes didn’t seem to feature any art and felt like another money-grabbing exercise, from already fairly poor kids, with all the food stalls. I left pretty quickly and did some lesson preparations as one of the things I was teaching seemed to go over a few student’s heads yesterday. Time passed very swiftly along with my two coffees!
Today I’m grateful for:
All the students that I don’t even know that say hello and fist-bump me as they walk by. Rista laughed at me today when I couldn’t remember a student’s name but I have so many names to remember already. I’ve forgotten the names of some of my students that I taught two years ago. I sat with one today and knew he was one of two names but couldn’t remember which, later recalling it was Tan.
In the afternoon I was talking with Kru Ren and he said he wants to work here as long as possible which I found surprising for a fresh out of uni first-year teacher. But I understand his feeling. For me, I want to stay as long as possible too because of the pleasure of watching the students grow.
The best thing about today was:
Talking with Poppy at lunchtime. This follows on from the point above. Poppy has totally done a 180 since last year and she happily admitted it when I was talking with her. She said last year she was very immature and stubborn and she caused me a few problems in my classes. Even my trying to gain her confidence by teaching her card tricks didn’t seem to have any effect though perhaps she subconsciously realised I was reaching out to her after all her friends disowned her. I never thought badly of her behaviour though and told her not to worry about anything from last year. She’s become more aware of how her actions affect people around her and realised that she needed to make a change unless she wanted to continue being an outcast. I’m proud of her and enjoy talking to her now.
And then there’s Earn. She struggled in my class last year and was frustrating at times though she also had an ability to charm when it suited her motives. I could see that she was capable but fell back to laziness and distraction. One time her face absolutely lit up when she grasped a particular concept but it was difficult for her to maintain enthusiasm. I don’t teach her much this year but apparently, she is frustrating David in his class with her attitude, which I think stems from her lack of understanding and then laziness for clarification. I can see that she is changing friends to those who complement that process. I found her quietly sitting this afternoon, bored, scrolling through her phone. Usually, she doesn’t let me talk to her for long but today I commented that she didn’t look happy and that she usually doesn’t look happy. She agreed and said that she was tired. I told her that inside her head she is smart and capable. She said she felt like she was stupid. I told her that wasn’t true and that I believed in her. She thanked me sincerely and I felt she really appreciated it.
And I could go on about conversations with Fah, Khet, Wipping, KanomBang etc etc today.
I’m lucky and grateful and so happy to play some small part in these kids’ lives.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At last week’s science event my grade 10 students didn’t check out anything and just went somewhere to sleep for a couple of hours so today I set them a task to take ten photos each at the event. But then, as there was no art on display for them to take pictures of, there was nothing for them to do. I reluctantly told them not to worry about it as I couldn’t think of any other task for them and I was already in the middle of my coffee and planning. Of course, they were super happy to not have anything to do anyway and I had at least made sure that they hadn’t snuck off anywhere to sleep.
Something I learned today?
Ok, one last student story. Wipping called me her second father, jokingly buttering me up before holding out her hand, and asking me for money. I said that her father at home has money but her father at school doesn’t to which she replied ‘What father at home? Who is my father? I don’t know!’ Oops! She soon turned it around though saying ‘It’s ok, I don’t need a father. Just me and mum is fine and I’m a strong woman who can look after herself!’ Wow! I was so happy to hear this.
A couple of minutes later her male classmate Spain came over and shyly gave her twenty baht. I’m not sure if he had been listening to the conversation or not but I guess he likes her. She accepted his money and they went off and talked for a bit though I don’t know about what. When she came back she said she didn’t know why he gave her the money. Wipping, though, is always talking about a girl she likes in another class and after what she said about her father I can understand why she might prefer relationships with girls instead of boys. Never mind, Spain!
Today feels like I’m in the middle of a teenage gossip column!
I took this picture, damn, two weeks ago already, because this was the sourdough Nong Fon sent me. My mouth is watering just to look at it. Talking with Amy tonight she asked me what food I want to eat when I’m in Sydney and the first thing I thought of was sourdough toast with Vegemite. No pictures taken today.
A familiar pain satisfies Almost spurning contempt Each feeling classifies Contradicting its attempt Mouth breathing still Forms subconscious thrill
Inspired by a sentence or two at Spinning Visions. Sometimes, the familiarity of something is comfortable even though it is something we dislike. We, as humans, really don’t enjoy change.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good. My body is a little achy from exercise but I can feel my bones getting more support from my muscles. My head is feeling positive and I’m happy to be where I am in the world.
Today I’m grateful for:
The guy who makes the Post-Avant Jazzcore Happy Hour podcast that has given me many hours of interesting listening either at home or in the car.
I mention it today because I was listening today and the music was a little minor-chordy, moody and dark and ultimately I didn’t find it quite as exciting as other times though I could feel the musicians were pretty damn awesome.
The only downside to the podcast is that I have to change the playback speed to normal as I’m usually listening to talking podcasts at one and a half speed.
The best thing about today was:
The chaos of my last class of the day! It is one of the classes that I moved to work in the canteen because I was embarrassed by them in our language building as they were extremely difficult to control.
Moving them and giving them standard tasks that they repeat each time but with a different text has allowed them to get an understanding of what is required and they can plan ahead so that they don’t have to sit around until the end of the class.
One of the advantages of being in the canteen is that the kids can spread out and go off as they please when I’m happy that they completed the work.
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that some of the poorer students have improved their skills a lot, perhaps with maturity as well as learning.
What I like the best is that they no longer fear work when they see it. Gradually over time, they’ve realised that they have to try and that is all that I’ve been asking of them. I guess you could say they’ve made me proud!
They are still a chaotic bunch as any group of 36 13-14-year-olds are prone to be but they are generally fun to be around.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
One of my classes, one of the better ones, was a bit of a handful today and tested my patience. Thankfully it was only a one-hour lesson and a fair percentage of the students understood what was required. Some days you just don’t know what you are going to get but I’ve gotten better at rolling with the punches.
Something I learned today?
Some American politicians are considering leaving the United Nations. To be honest they should as they never follow or implement the consensus opinion unless it suits them. That is not what a UN should be about. BRICS is becoming a superior allegiance of countries that does follow international law and UN resolutions and they have put forward a 10-point charter that states so. Outside of the brainwashed Western kaleidoscope of nightmares, it seems obvious where the better path forward lies.
I took this picture because Kim’s grave is finally looking the way I want. I’ll be happy if it continues like this without any grass growing through. I miss that little kitty too much.
Not so easily impressed these days I’m still glad of what you’re doing I remember those times and ways As I often find myself reviewing
So go ahead and tell your tale As has been done many times before One day recognition will come You too can review the score
Today I’m feeling:
Much better after the sleepy weekend. My exercise felt easier this morning and I hope that continues throughout the week. I was also happy to be back at school and to see everyone. My students help improve my own emotional well-being.
Today I’m grateful for:
The receptionist at the hospital who advised the doctor I wanted to see only worked in the morning today but would be back tomorrow. It was a simple exchange but even that can be a struggle with our language barriers. Her English was better than my Thai but with a mix of both, we sorted it immediately. I’ll go back tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
Having a reasonably long discussion with JubJib, mostly about other students. She’s a smart kid and her English is excellent which is a rarity at school so it was nice to be able to have a complete, flowing conversation for a change. We’ve talked often before but usually get interrupted quickly just with there being so many kids around.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Watching a replay of yesterday’s AFL game between the Swans and the Demons. Finally, a game in which we played really well though we lost. This, after the last six or so games where we haven’t been that great but managed to win. No games this coming weekend and the following will see us play Carlton in Melbourne. Likely to be a quick exit for the Swans this year.
Something I learned today?
Yesterday one of my students posted a picture of her arm after she had tried cutting it. I talked with her today and she didn’t say anything (she’s VERY quiet usually) but I told her that if she did want to talk then I would be there for her. She was very happy in the class today though I’m uncertain if it was because I talked to her or if there is something worse going on at home that makes her happier to be at school. I thought this because a few students have told me they prefer to be at school rather than at home.
What is an upcoming milestone worth celebrating?
I’m not a big celebrater or care about milestones particularly.
I had plans to have a big show for my 50th birthday in Sydney but when the time came I was living in Adelaide and working night shift, and Amy was in Thailand.
I’ve not been big on birthdays or Christmas once I ‘grew up’ and I didn’t really get back into them when Hayden was growing up either. I kind of grudgingly did it!
If 60 was thought of as an upcoming milestone in still not sure how I would celebrate it. I don’t need a milestone or celebration to be happy. I’d rather just be contented all the time.
I took this picture because I was shocked to see this sudden tall protrusion from this plant. This one is growing even bigger than the one we had a couple of years ago. When the hell did it grow like this? I feel sure it wasn’t there yesterday!
A bit more active than yesterday. I think the pleasure of the cannabutter is giving me good long sleep but also still affecting me the following day so I’m going to lay off it for now. It’s effect is very mild and pleasureable but if it makes me groggy for the whole of the next day then it’s not worth it.
Today I’m grateful for:
My own understanding of my body and brain. Today has been completely drug free except my anti-depressant and whilst it’s not been a fun day to speak of it’s passed by pleasantly enough. I can feel my muscles and joints recovering slowly and hopefully they are primed to get me going again in the morning.
The best thing about today was:
Finally watching Come And See. I feel like I don’t have the attention span for movies sometimes but then realise I can sit through hours of podcasts or TV series. I knew this movie wasn’t going to be any kind of rom-com but the mood kind of reflected my day and it’s message and purpose were clear to me. It showed the trauma and atrocity of war and was a struggle to watch but I’m glad I did. I might have to sit back with something comedic tonight to balance it out.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The weekend has been a bit of a write-off, no writing, little reading, no workout and no guitar. I’m not worried about it at all as I know I need downtime. It’s just sometimes I feel like kicking myself when it feels like I’m wasting time.
I’ll be back on it tomorrow though. Morning exercise then off for coffees. Then I have an 11.30 appointment with Kru Hin to learn how do our grades in the online system, my one class at 1.30, then off up to the hospital to get more sertraline and back to play guitar and watch the last Swans AFL of the regular season.
Something I learned today?
One of my grade 7 students was proud to send me pictures of himself running in a 5km through the city today, similar to one that Amy and I did a few years ago. It’s nice to feel that he wants to show his teacher this. He was one of the kids I kicked out of class a couple of weeks ago so there is an element of sucking up involved but I know he’s a good kid, just being a teenager.
If I could live anywhere in the world, where would that be?
I’d like to live anywhere that is safe and stable. I’ve found living somewhere where I don’t fully understand the language has been helpful as I don’t get fully sucked into the vortex of shit-talking that people find so enjoyable. No matter how much I tried to avoid the corruption of politicians in the UK and Australia I always would get back into it. It was a waste of my time. I know things are even worse here in Thailand but I don’t have to think about it or be involved with it.
I can still see myself living in the UK or Australia though I don’t think it would be for extended periods. Otherwise, I think I can live anywhere, as I said, so long as it is safe. Water, electricity and internet preferred.
I took this picture by accident when I was talking on a video call with Amy. She was busy running around cleaning Lewis’s poop at the time, just as I was about to feed our cats (action shot in the top corner). This is how Amy and I have communicated for the past two years and I’m glad of the technology that makes it possible.
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