Author: shaun tenzenmen

Australasian DIY music specialist and practising poet, amongst other things

String-Lit Rooftop – 23rd June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It was perfect lighting for wine
The rooftop caught the breeze
Sharing anecdotes and views
Above the tops of the trees
The night air tasting so sweet
A joyful company of cats
A world down there goes on by
Dreaming of ways to relax
The love of careless dreams
Engrossing ideas softly debated
A world comes together up here
And the future becomes fated

inspired by part of this post at the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Tired despite getting more than 7 hours of sleep for the first time this week. When I got home I had a thirst for beer so stuck some in the fridge whilst I dashed out to get a salted fish for dinner. I was soon sat eating the chilli-drenched fish and downed two still-warm beers in the process. The satisfaction in my tummy triggered my exhaustion synapses and I started shutting down. I fed the cats and sent a good night message to Amy, who was out dancing around Sydney, and was in bed before it was dark. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The fish seller who had fish already cooked at 4.30 pm so I was able to grab dinner without having to wait. Along with a big bag of lettuce, some noodles and the rocket hot chilli it was a shot of protein that I needed.

The best thing about today was:

My dinner with beer. And not because I was getting drunk but just because it is unusual for me these days to even feel like having a beer and whereas I used to be able to keep drinking into the evening, now I feel satisfied (or sleepy) after just two.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I went to sleep without having written here or doing my Thai practice with my apps where I will lose my daily streaks. But I needed to catch up and won’t beat myself up over it.

Something I learned today?

Some days I need a break.

I took this picture because I was once again reminded that around this school of 3000 students are the remnants of the farming life of the locals. At some point in the next twenty years, there may not be anywhere for this herd to be. The picture is the tail end of a herd of about 40 goats that just ambled through the crossroads at the school with the farmer riding a rusty old bike cracking a stick on the road.

We Were Seventeen – 22nd June 2023

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In the grip of insecurities
She burned down the beautiful garden
New seeds sprouted with maturity
Reciprocated with a pardon

The weight of regret, too much to bear
One side of the story was hidden
Until this heartache was repaired and
Past indiscretions were forgiven

inspired by the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Susceptible to minor disruptions. I realise I’m tired this morning after less than 7 hours sleep but I felt pretty good driving to work and was happy to have a little funny conversation with my students Jan and Baipad before driving to House for coffee. At the school exit, I was careful when driving across the busy main road. A traffic cop was standing there and angrily (it probably wasn’t with anger but just clear gesticulation) waved me through even as a big truck was bearing down from the left. Somehow that really made me dark, though I really understood quickly what was happening in my head. I’m still trying to replace the feeling by remembering the interaction with the students instead. It’s not quite working yet. Perhaps this is a job for coffee!

Today I’m grateful for:

My students for really testing me today as I struggled with energy and enthusiasm. A couple of students who didn’t want to read in front of the class I kept back and had them try just for me and I’m proud that they did it. I just want them to get more confident and comfortable so that they test themselves and their abilities. I’m not so fussed about their actual output.

The best thing about today was:

Nothing in particular. Today was a bit of a blur and spent mostly in an above-average happy mood (after the incident in the morning).

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was starting to feel fatigued and exhausted by the time of my last class, who have become comfortable enough with me to try to push my boundaries. For the second half of the lesson, I had them read in front of the class with the rule that if anyone talked the reader would have to start again from the beginning. They soon figured out to be quiet and managed it for about 40 minutes which was good enough to get things done. 
I was happy to leave school and looking forward to getting home but then I remembered I had to go shopping too. Still, I managed to push on. I’m ready to drop.

What is a habit I would like to develop?

I think there’s nothing much at the moment. I’ve worked on developing a number of habits over the last three years and my time is too full already. So perhaps the question should be reversed to which habit I might like to inhibit instead. Eating candy? Watching YouTube? I don’t know, really? I think I’m good for the moment.

I took this picture because I saw something unusual sprouting from this plant (plant or tree, I’m not sure) yesterday and this morning it had become much more visible and grown to this. I never thought these would have flowers, which is presumably what will come. Stay tuned.

A Little Dirty – 21st June 2023

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The poison in his palace
Spews forth through angry lips
Hence it penetrates through
All his relationships
Take care not to smear
Or guilt by association
Is what we may all fear
For even a non-communication

inspired by thoughts at the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

My body felt good after some chest exercises that hurt a lot though I can feel I’m getting a little more strength each time. My mind is following my body and is fairly positive though contemplating being on the borders of exhaustion. It’s a long day today but I’ve planned reasonably well for it.

Today I’m grateful for:

The tax cheque that I got for 3200 baht. That will help go towards the 5500 baht cost of the aircon repair. The aircon also stopped again last night after two nights of success. The two fans are barely enough to make sleep comfortable.

The best thing about today was:

All my classes going well and being enjoyable. The students had a good time and I did too. Maybe they even learned some things.
I enjoyed the M4 class giving them a task that I only had the idea for on Monday. I saw that they went to some special training on the weekend with an ex-flight attendant so I got them to write about that. I put some time into helping them improve their work and we’ll continue tomorrow when I hope they can finish and then read aloud what they’ve written. 
It looks like this class might lose its last boy too as he is feeling a little friendless surrounded by 15 girls.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As I was busy preparing for the class mentioned above I ran out of time to learn a little more Thai with Amy and I’m almost out of time to chill with some TV as I still have to study with my apps too. It’s a little frustrating but I know that Wednesday and Thursday are my busiest days so I’m kinda prepared for it now.

Something I learned today?

In March 2022 Russia’s Putin had negotiated a secret peace deal with Ukraine and it had been agreed to. Part of that deal was to remove Russian troops from Kiev which they did. Then ‘the West’, via Boris Johnson, made Ukraine break the agreement. Since then 1000s of people have died in this conflict. For what purpose? It comes to mind that it is for financial profit for arms makers and to drive a wedge between Russia and Europe, all of which only benefits one party. Everyone’s favourite, the USA.

How do I define success?

Success is not worrying about success. Success is being happy with what you’ve got.

I took this picture because someone had gone to the trouble of building this tiny house that is too small for a child and too big for a doll house. And then it’s been abandoned to the jungle with a bull and me as its only witness.

Beautiful Hell – 20th June 2023

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A half-finished thought on a scrap
Of paper left to wait on the dash
Perhaps one day it will be completed
On this keyboard that I bash
The cosmos forever turning makes
For a beautiful hell to weave
Wherever these gifts are coming from
They’re a pleasure to receive

inspired by text at the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. My classes went well despite some annoyances and stresses. I felt a little bit over it by the end of the day and was glad to get home.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finishing entering my gratitude journal entries online for March 2021-June 2021. Onto the next little journal which continues up to August 2022 and when I started using this app (Day One). It’s kinda ironic that my last entry in that journal I just finished talked about being grateful for the journal itself as I prefer to write with a pen on paper rather than use the phone. I guess I still do prefer that but I’ve gotten used to doing these on the phone now.

The best thing about today was:

Chatting with my student Jet. She asked me what I thought about Kru Ren and I told her I liked him because he was unusual. She agreed and wants to talk with him more because she’s intrigued. She said he is an otaku’s otaku! I don’t know him well enough to comment but I also find him intriguing especially yesterday when he was wearing blue contact lenses.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Well, this is more the opposite. 
In my class yesterday it was apparent that the students didn’t understand much so I quickly put together some work that would give them more familiarity with the vocab and how to find their meanings in the dictionary along with a translation so that they could make connections. 
Setting this up kept them quiet and having them write it all down will help reinforce things a little more. By the time I got to the next class to teach them the same thing I had re-jigged the lesson so that it was in a better order. 
By tomorrow I should know if it has improved from the student’s perspective too.

Something I learned today?

I found some exercises and massage to possibly help my sore toe. I’m not sure if it is a bunion or not but the information should be useful anyway. It seems I would also benefit from buying wide-toed shoes to help too.

What is my favourite way to connect with nature?

See today’s picture. Right now getting on my motorbike and riding around is the best and easiest way for me. I do miss different natural settings these days. I mean the mountains and the jungle are breathtaking at times but it seems impossible to go anywhere here to get away from it.

On Sunday I took this picture because these vivid colours stood out as I was whizzing through this village on my motorbike. I had to stop and go back to get this shot but I’m glad I did.

Unmotivational Speech – 19th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Brain dead, no energy
Why bother? What’s the point?
A six-month-old funky floor
So, let’s clean up this joint

Asleep awake, uninspired
Dullest days in sepia greys
Waste not this time with fun
Let’s get these dull things done

Bored and tired, zombie walk
A total lack of motivation
Washing, ironing, the shitty work
Once achieved provides inspiration

20th Mar 2024 – Submitted to RDP – Anodyne
11th May 2024 – Submitted to RDP – Funky

Today I’m feeling:

A bit wired as I struggled to get to sleep last night after a late afternoon coffee (in a coconut smoothie – delicious!) at Panor whilst out riding around. It was a hot day yesterday and I’m still thirsty from it.

Today I’m grateful for:

The three or four students who understood (in English) what gratitude is and how to apply it. Most of the class were confused though I plan on slowly building their knowledge about gratitude by repeating the exercise every few weeks.

The best thing about today was:

Playing volleyball with some students as a light rain came and cooled us all down. Some students enjoyed it so much that they wanted to get soaked in it. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Trying to get my students to review their work outside of class is very frustrating as they mostly try to ignore messages and make excuses. I don’t know everyone’s situation outside school but I’m sure they mostly spend time playing games or looking at social media. I spent a lot of effort today trying to get everyone to finish the work for me and I was about 90% successful. I’ll take that as a win.

Something I learned today?

I’m learning a few things from reading Sapiens for example how certain mindsets in the past made for dramatic changes around the world. The thought that there was more knowledge out there in the world led to imperialism, capitalism and science. Those who believed that there was nothing outside their own realm worth bothering about were soon in for a surprise. In some ways, it would be nice if we were all just happy in our little spaces and just getting along with those near to us but if that was the case I probably wouldn’t own this phone that I’m currently writing on.

What is something I’ve been procrastinating on that I need to tackle?

Not procrastinating so much as just not having enough free time or dropping something else but I still haven’t got going with Ableton Live and my keyboard. The enthusiasm I had for experimenting and figuring out how to do things with music software is countered by the overwhelming options and possibilities. Well, it’s still there, waiting for when I’m ready.

Where did I show self-discipline?

There was definitely a point in my one class today where it felt like frustration might take over. This usually happens when students are not paying attention and I have to repeat myself several times. 
Somehow I managed to push the emotion back down as ultimately I knew it would be counterproductive to getting anywhere near the result I wanted.

I took this picture because we may have our first-ever dragonfruit this year.

Grant Never Left – 18th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A local legend
Filled with holes
An awesome story
Forever told 
Misquoted memory
A dramatic twist
A Chinese whisper
Adds to the list
Was he so high
He just stayed on?
Slept under stars
Friends all gone

Inspired by the story of Grant Hart staying on in the town where Husker Du played their final show for several months after. I read this in The Punk Planet Interviews book.

Today I’m feeling:

My body is tired again. Can’t motivate myself much though I’ll hang from my hoops later and try to stretch out some weariness. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The old uncle who waved me forward indicating that the way I was going was the way out. This was after I emerged from a Google glitch that had me deeply embedded in jungle vines and old bamboo, shredding my legs. Thanks, Google. Thanks, uncle.

The best thing about today was:

Having an afternoon nap between 10 and 11 am was odd. It was maybe only twenty minutes long and despite having had two coffees it was deep and refreshing. Almost as if I was prescribed a certain amount of sleep and I just needed to finish it off. 
Anyway, I knew I would have to try and counter an actual afternoon nap by taking myself off somewhere so I hopped on the bike with the intention to ride up to Mae Chan in the opposite direction that Bruno and I came back through a couple of weeks back (avoiding the police check). From there I wanted to travel through some of the villages near the base of the mountains around there. Lots of nice spots with views and funny little paths off here and there that were fun to explore. All the while riding along the almost dry river there. A fun day out. Tiring and refreshing at the same time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At Utopia this morning I had a sudden need to use their tiny bathroom. I could see the floor was wet but didn’t realise how much so until I stood up and my pants were soaked through and I looked like I’d peed myself. There was nothing else I could do about it except walk back out into the shop and past all the staff and customers, all the while trying to explain that the floor was wet in the bathroom. Well, what can you do? Best not to be embarrassed and just keep going. I don’t notice much ribbing of each other between kids about things that were embarrassing to me as a kid. It seems a little more forgiving of uncontrollable embarrassment though of course, I could be missing it due to the language barrier.

What is one new thing I’d like to try?

Is there anything? There are probably many things but there’s nothing much that I think I would go out of my way to try these days. If something came along then I’d try it. Am I running out of things to try? Is nothing exciting anymore?

I took this picture because this just came out of the blue as I came around a corner. It seemed to be by itself but behind the trees and up the hillside were more temple-type buildings.

World Expanding – 17th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Stealing away at sunset
To the corner of the block
Distant twinkling on the horizon
There lies a future to unlock

Reaching out to infinity
If only with open eyes
Beyond the grip of safety
A world full of surprise

Removing the lines drawn
To travel the streets alone
Comfortable in the welcome
Arms returning home

And slowly, steps are growing
The night reveals the joy
For the wanderer, the movie
Of boy meets girl meets boy

Next the flight over oceans
To a scary place indeed
Where next to expand the mind?
Wherever it is, Godspeed

Inspired by this post by Makenna Karas

5th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

I’d set my alarm later than usual for 8 am but that still wasn’t enough sleep and when I finally got up an hour later I was still groggy. I did 60 jumping jacks and had a cold shower to wake up and my body feels good though my brain hasn’t quite kicked in yet. A job for coffee.

Today I’m grateful for:

The ten baht soft noodles, the twenty baht watermelon and 75 baht drinks I bought to go with dinner, a super spicy fish soup that sure woke up my face. And despite the morning coffees I never really got going today.

The best thing about today was:

That nothing really mattered too much. I got things done, chatted and prompted some students with their catch-up work etc and also this whilst feeling exhausted and lethargic. Pick it up and start again tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst I was sipping my coffee at Utopia I saw the lady from the phone store next door outside and remembered that I should get my phone screen replaced there, to give them my business. I went out and she said she could do it for me. My memory of having the protective screen replaced was that it cost about 100 baht. I was a little surprised when she said it was 250 baht. Has the price gone up that much? Did I remember wrong? Was she taking advantage? I don’t know so I thought of it as a random act of kindness that makes her happy and keeps me happy too.

Something I learned today?

I saw a BBC story about terrible things happening in North Korea. I didn’t watch the content but I’m now wondering if this is further preparation for war with China? The timing seems convenient.

What are some personality traits that I admire in others?

I was thinking that the personality traits I admire in others are not always something I feel comfortable to try and replicate. They are not always suitable for my personality today. If they are admirable then perhaps I can learn to slowly integrate them in my own way. It’s unreasonable to expect to immediately become the kind of person that another is. Also, some traits that I admire may be in people that I dislike for other traits that jar against mine. Separate the trait from the person.

Where did I embody courage?

I’ve been trying to answer this for a couple of days already but don’t feel like I’ve had to embody courage at all recently. Life has been pretty much within my stride for the last couple of years. I’ve embodied courage in my past, for example, when moving countries or going to visit new countries with little information, starting new careers and so on. I’m happy to keep exploring new possibilities but things that might require good chunks of courage are not really on my radar either because my level of fear has been defused or things are beyond my thoughts to attempt these days.

I took this picture because this nice piece of art was in Utopia. I like it.

Left To Stay – 16th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Time doesn’t have to make sense
In fact, it never will
Every now becomes a then
Forever standing still
A life amounts to nothing much
Just another day today
Gone are the years to come
There’s nothing left to stay

Today I’m feeling:

Aircon worked all night again though I changed the setting so it wasn’t freezing but I still woke up a few times and on top of being worn out, I woke up groggy, already thinking about tomorrow’s sleep-in. However, I got going with some exercise and my body feels good. Hopefully, this first coffee I’m waiting for helps keep my eyes open through my four hours between classes.

Today I’m grateful for:

My poorer students. Sometimes it is more enjoyable to watch them discover something than to watch the ones already up to speed rush to finish first. In my morning class, I was worried about how to fill the time but thankfully many students struggled with the task and we ended up finishing just five minutes early.

The best thing about today was:

I just finished playing guitar for about an hour and enjoyed making a bad racket for no one to hear. My whole day was enjoyable with tiring but fun classes filled with laughter.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I couldn’t stop myself from getting a late afternoon coffee as I was running around after school. I think it kept me going but may also keep me up tonight. I will handle it by sleeping in tomorrow if I wish.

Something I learned today?

I found out that at the end of the month is scout week again plus two days holiday too! What a life.

What is a recent accomplishment I am proud of?

That’s an interesting question. I think my accomplishments may be diminishing in grandeur these days but that is fine. I’ll bite off whatever I can gum. I’m quite proud of myself for my improving Thai skills though I’m still way off from being able to carry out a decent conversation but I was happy for my students to tell me that they appreciated that I spoke a little Thai with them and one student told me my pronunciation was the best of the foreign teachers in the school. It’s a bit of a delicate balance as the schools generally don’t want the foreign teachers speaking Thai but I’ll do whatever I can to help my students understand.

I took this picture because Tokyo is not an excitable puppy anymore but now has a chunky body with a skinny neck and a thin face. She spends her day mostly lazing around like this.

A Gift Is A Gift – 15th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Can I keep the bullet you gave me
When you shot me through the heart?
Perhaps one day it will save me
To put back together what you ripped apart

Today I’m feeling:

Got up easily but woke up tired. The aircon worked last night and I was scared to make any changes to the settings so I woke up cold a couple of times!
By the time of my last class, I was feeling a little dizzy but I made it through well enough and got home to a message from the aircon people that they would come around 5pm. Result! 
They came and checked it out and will go off to find the price of the part they think needs replacing. They said there were ants inside part of the outside fan. That wouldn’t be surprising but also possibly bullshit. Whatever, I just want working aircon!

Today I’m grateful for:

In my search for food, I bumped into Boss and Safe from Utopia at the walking market and they told me there weren’t many stalls because the university is on a break now. So that’s probably why my fried fish lady has disappeared. 
I couldn’t find anything there so popped into Lotus’s and was grateful to find a plant-based pork belly microwave meal, buy two get one free. Perfect!

The best thing about today was:

I feel as if I was too busy to have anything that stands out above everything else as the best. I’ve just replayed the day in my mind and everything was fine and dandy and I was happy indeed. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both my M1 classes were pretty chaotic with many kids sprawling themselves around on the floor like fallen Jenga puzzle pieces. It still strikes me as bizarre the differences in acceptable behaviours in schools in Thailand and England (at least from what I remember). The atmosphere in schools here is kinda nice but Im struggling to see how the kids are actually learning!

Something I learned today?

I watched two separate videos about the war in the Ukraine and both the content and the commentators were totally at odds with each other. One discussed the masses of destroyed tanks in Ukraine’s counter-offensive and the other saw Ukraine prepare to attack on Russian soil. It felt like neither side’s commenters knew about the possibility of there being other narratives and as someone who hasn’t been following too closely, it’s difficult to know what to believe. Maybe that’s the point.

How can I be kinder to myself?

I’m pretty kind to myself already. At 55 I think I’m finally over my angsty teenage phase. I’m just getting started on real adult life.

I took this picture because when a student is not concentrating and looking at their phone I will ask them to hand it over and sometimes take as many pictures as I can with it to fill up their free space and they have to go back and delete all the photos. This was one of about 50 photos I took on Tulip’s phone today. She was a good sport about it even after finding that she actually had run out of space.

Spit It Out – 14th June 2023

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There’s a big ball of metaphors
With cherries, where I sit
Sweet and juicy popping flesh
Surrounds the poisonous pit
Dancing with death
But willing to lead
The softest smash
Reveals the seed
The greatest thing ever seen
A cigarette left unlit
Cyanide on a sunbeam
A perfectly mouthed spit

19th June 2023 – inspired by this post by Makenna Karas

Today I’m feeling:

No aircon last night again so I shoved the fan next to the open window but that stopped sometime during the night to perhaps to a power glitch which had happened a couple of times during the evening. So despite waking up hot at one point I finally got up with my alarm and felt pretty good, less achy than after the weekend, which seems to point to the fact I should exercise on the weekend too. Anyway, I’m sipping my first coffee and ready to go.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding another salad seller today at the market up at the university, which I don’t normally go up to. I was actually looking for the spicy fish seller but happy to find salad instead.

The best thing about today was:

Breezing through the day enjoying teaching, being around and talking and playing with students. I’m enjoying the challenge of keeping my students occupied and happily learning what little they can in each class. I must admit that I feel like I have little time for much else from Tuesday through to Friday.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Apart from running out of time to do more of the things I want, today was all smooth sailing. I am still waiting for Kru Jern to give me parents’ emails for one class but I hate to hassle her as I know everything admin-wise from the whole department gets dumped on her. The only way to deal with it is to wait.

Something I learned today?

I read an article about a lady that deliberately put up a ‘cat found’ poster in New York that had pictures of a possum on it and wanted to see what reaction they would get from people who called the number supplied. I learned that the New Yorkers that did respond were helpful and respectful with not even one saying anything bad about the kind of person that would mistake a possum for a cat. A tiny sliver of hope for humanity.

What is something that I find challenging but worth pursuing?

The thing I find most challenging right now is having the free time to fit in everything I want to do in a day. Exercise, learning Thai, playing guitar, communicating with students, reading books and comics, listening to music…. time runs out every day.

I took this picture because these three funny naughty students were trying to annoy me so I took their pictures and I told them I will send it to their homeroom teacher and they all screamed and sat down. For about five seconds.