When I go for a stroll I always stay on the sidewalk, and I always wear a pair of nice warm boots – 15th March 2020

March 15, 2020June 19, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We wake up in the morning fresh and ready to go and by the end of the day, we are covered in dust. The dust of emotions, of work, of stress, of everything.
– Daily Stoic email

Most days disappear too fast. I was busy – busy with what? I set myself small goals and challenges and cross them off at nightfall. The next day, do it again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I am a machine and the dust gets in. Wash it away, wash this out of my life.

Talking of dust, it hasn’t rained here for 6 months, the land is cracking, grass clings to life but the jungle can still prevail. It doesn’t matter what gets thrown at it.

The sight of a big rat running around hopefully means the snakes are gone for now. Our lazy cats bring us gifts of small lizards and small birds, blood trailed across the kitchen floor.

Each evening we water the plants and trees, the sun red over the mountains, barely penetrating the thick smoke blown down from Myanmar and Laos. This is still the Wild East – laws often meaningless, common moral duties not learned in the chaos of the education systems.

We live in dust, breathe it in, poison for the lungs. But, we live.

A wise man said that you can’t step in the same stream twice,
But I find that wet feet soon get caked with sand and grit, that’s very unpleasant, especially between the toes…..
nomeansno

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to go outside again. It was weird to be outside again after two weeks at home.

To-do list

Record another TCRAH and finish off upload details ✅
Express your gratitude and happiness to see people ½
Do not judge people ✅
Finish installing Powerpoint ½
Chinese drawing

My first day outside in 2 weeks. It felt a little strange as I was riding to Utopia and this feeling of freedom and being able to go anywhere. It was good to catch up with everyone there – I think I should try and talk more with everyone who works there, maybe they think that I am not that friendly.

Anyway, the air quality sucks so it was back home and indoors again. For some reason, I woke up and got up at six thirty so actually managed to do a few things before even going out for coffee.

At around 10.30 it’s usually too hot and sunny to be outside but with the smoke so thick there’s an apocalyptic colour to the sky and only a vague idea of where the sun is. It was still hot but I took the opportunity to water our suffering plants and trees.

A trip out for lunch and re-stocks at Makro and I got a lot more done in the afternoon.

Back to school tomorrow. I want to try and maintain this good feeling I’ve had for the last two weeks even if having to deal with difficult people. This is my test.

I would like to go and help George with some lesson planning but I have a feeling that the lack of communication last week will end up getting dumped back on me in the morning (I was originally told that I would be able to start preparations back at CRPAO at this time). Oh well – let’s see how it goes and I’ll attempt to think before I speak.

Remember – things you can control and things you can’t control.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #29 – 14th March 2020

March 14, 2020June 19, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Music from The Radwan Satellite, The Spielbergs, The Ex, Teenage Depression, The Dickies, Prince Francis, Nihilistics, The Ladies, Third Thumb, Mothboxer, Bare Grillz, Sakarin Boonpit, Blondie, Naked Raygun, The Satellites, Ambient Noise and the Sex Pistols.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for these masks that can help me breathe. Coronavirus and high AQI.

14th Mar 2023 – That looks like a pretty fine podcast. Sometimes I go and listen to them myself. I think they’re pretty good. The mix of music represents my madness.
After having Covid last year I decided to stop wearing masks but with the summer burning season here again I’m wearing them intermittently when I’m outside.

To-do list

Record and upload TCRAH ✅
Install Powerpoint on laptop ½
Sort more CDs ½
Try to move more

Started off the day well then fell back into reading and watching TV. I do, however, feel much better today and much happier too. With holidays coming up, ie. not really having to work, I feel like I have lots of free time at the moment so I’m enjoying watching TV, though I do notice that time goes too fast.

Same with reading. I’m reading a lot more these days and before I know it, a couple of hours have gone.

Tomorrow is the end of quarantine and I’ll go buy coffee in the morning and we’ll stock up on supplies again.

Just enough light filters in – 13th March 2020

March 13, 2020June 18, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our purifier, giving us cleaner air to breathe.

13th Mar 2023 – Still in use and still necessary, unfortunately. As Amy says, we can’t get everything. I just hope that this poisoned air doesn’t kill me.

The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.
Gloria Steinem

To-do list

Record another TCRAH
Revise WOOT video
Continue drawing Chinese picture
Clear email and close tabs ✅
Sort more CDs ½

Time disappeared today – it seems to be fluid. I guess I read a lot and watched a lot of YouTube or TV but before knowing anything it was 7 pm.

I did try to sit and concentrate on some things but there is an overall feeling of dread – not just with the virus but also with the air quality. It’s starting to make me feel sick much like last year. Constant headache. It’s not helped that having to stay home means lots of sitting around or lying down so my body is feeling tired and unused.

We got that attitude! – 12th March 2020

March 12, 2020June 18, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful that I still have teeth, even though they hurt a lot of the time.

12th Mar 2023 – I haven’t been back to the dentist for over a year now. I still have a little pain but it’s not enough to make me go back for a fix. I wonder if I go to a dentist back in Australia what they are likely to say about the quality of work I’ve had done over the last few years here in Thailand. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t wish to afford the upgrade though.

Inner peace is the break between two thoughts. The moment of calm before the mind invades our serenity with another thought.

To-do list

Record TCRAH in the morning ✅
Just Dance ✅
Meditate to more Inner Eng. ½
Drink more water ½
Revise the WOOT video

Busy and fulfilling day today. I feel positive and energised. Tomorrow I hope to continue.

We got that attitude! – 11th March 2020

March 11, 2020February 20, 2025 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for being able to entertain myself at home.

Peace is the break between two wars.
Krishnamurti

To-do list

Just Dance ✅
Meditate ½
Sort CDs ½
Finish grading files ✅
Read a lot of Midnight’s Children ½

Dancing got us revved up this morning and I set to finishing marking all the exams and completing the files at around 5 pm. I remained calm even whilst trying to navigate the nonsense that gets sent out to us teachers. I even realised that marking the exams doesn’t really mean anything. It’s a strange system that sets the teacher to write the exam because it can’t be compared with anything. There needs to be a standard exam and defined curriculum to work with – it’s a huge waste of time for teachers year after year after year. But, whatever – I did it – it’s done (at least until someone tells me I have to do more).

Whilst marking the exams I think they were quite well done in that (with only a few exceptions) they accurately reflected the standard of the students. Someone will look at the results and will get upset because the scores are so low. They could say that the teacher is no good, to which can countered with, then why let the teacher write the exam?

I can see Ray, who taught these kids last semester, was very lenient with his marks and that’s fine – no one has the same standard. The three days I’ve spent filling in grades will be looked over and modified so that no one fails so that all entries can just be filled with random numbers and, indeed, that is what many teachers do.

I’m aware that someone will likely say something to me about my grading and I will have to control myself and try to be as diplomatic as possible. I don’t know how well I can handle that.

I’m always surprised at the things people come up with when they have different ideas about how things should be done.

We got that attitude! – 10th March 2020

March 10, 2020June 12, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to my students this semester. They made me laugh despite driving me so crazy!

Now, you’re in this argument. In the middle of it, take a deep breath and ask yourself ‘What do I want right now?’ My hunch is the answer is NOT ‘I want to argue!’

To-do list

Just Dance
Mark exams and complete grading ½
Record TCRAH
Meditate (Inner Engineering)
Sort more CDs (about halfway done now!)

I ate a lot of blue cheese yesterday and it woke me up during the night with bad diarrhoea so I ended up sleeping almost until midday.

After lunch, I started marking exams and it was around 7 pm by the time I finished so didn’t get many of the things done that I wanted. However, I feel like I still achieved things and completed tasks that had to be done.

I enjoyed marking the exam and thinking about all those different personalities in my class. It really sucks that the system has let the students down but it is what it is. I have to figure out a way to find myself happy within it.

I thought today that I can’t change the world – the ideal of youth – so I can only change myself.

Tomorrow, I hope to dance!

Tune for the wind god – 9th March 2020

March 9, 2020June 12, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have a lot of free time and not feel under pressure.

“How do I know that the wind should blow? It’s blowing!” She adds “I realised that it’s insane to oppose it. When I argue with reality, I lose – but only 100% of the time.”
Byron Katie

To-do list

Just Dance ✅
Again, yes again – think before writing and speaking ✅
Start grading if you can ✅
Meditate (Inner Engineering) ✅
Sort more CDs ✅

Watched the first Swans game of the year (not sure we’ll be in any contention this year – we have good players but not a good team for some reason) and taught Ellen, so the day has flown by.

Feeling good and positive again – maybe because I’ve been laughing at myself playing Just Dance in the morning. Going to do it again tomorrow.

12 Jun 2024 – The Swans finished 16th out of 18 this year. One of the only years they have not played finals in the last couple of decades. It was a time of rebuilding and if memory serves me correctly they made the Grand Final a couple of years later.

We got that attitude! – 8th March 2020

March 8, 2020June 11, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to have so many options available to keep me entertained.

What we believe means nothing. How we act is what it’s all about.
Eckhart Tolle

To-do list

Just Dance in the morning ✅
More CD sorting
Record another TCRAH ✅
Meditate ✅
Think before writing and speaking ✅

Well, doing Just Dance in the morning definitely had a positive effect, made Amy laugh and gave us some exercise. It was a good start to the day. We’ll do it again tomorrow.

I spent most of the day in my room whilst Amy was happily drinking inside – she got the dancing mood later in the evening but then got a little teary as she was thinking about our cats, 2 of whom are approaching the end of their lives. We really love them and it will be sad when they go. But we can go at any time.

I’m feeling more in control of my emotions currently, perhaps because I’m not surrounded by the gossip and chatter at school. It’s very tempting just to quit doing it but I feel I should just keep pushing myself and improve myself. I can’t keep making the same mistakes and expect things to change.

Sometimes a parrot talks – 7th March 2020

March 8, 2020June 10, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In the 1970s, 80s and 90s, Arthur Deikman warned that many of the spiritual and utopian groups that had mushroomed out of the counter-culture were harmful cults…… He identified four signs of cult-like behaviour — dependence on a leader, compliance with the group, forbidding dissent, and devaluing outsiders. These four behaviours were particularly strong in cults, he suggested, but existed throughout society.
Jules Evans – The soulful psychiatrist (email newsletter)

When I read this I immediately became aware that the school system that I am working within in this country is cult-like. These are government schools where I work, so it makes some sense. Governments operate utilising these four behaviours too.

In this system, preferences are given to the leader, superior or elder, whether they are deserving or not. If they are found lacking machinations begin to move that leader along, often with a handshake to comfort the stab in the back.

Compliance within the group is essential. You must conform. Non-conformity will enable idle gossip, rumour and lies. This will dig deep into your soul until it becomes unbearable. The nail that sticks out gets hammered down. (I am that nail, over and over. Yes, I am stupid but I hope to learn.) It is a culture clash that happens repeatedly as teachers come and go faster than they can be replaced. No one learns from this as each party shakes their fists as they walk away.

Dissent leads the same way. Any question is seen as dissent, any suggestion is dissent, opening your mouth can be taken as dissent. To make improvements trickster behaviour must be employed, backroom suggestions that may filter through as if the leaders had thought of it themselves.

And the old favourite – devaluing outsiders. In an environment of education, it seems like it should be essential for everyone to work together. However, here there is a palpable us and them. If you decide to follow the path of non-compliance and dissent you will be seen to have no value (‘you’re one of them, one of them’). The survival technique ensures devaluing yourself – it is too great a burden for many to take.

I am not filled with hope for education in this country. But I can hope that it is only my limited experience and that things are much better in private schools at least, but which unfortunately only the wealthy can afford.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #28

Music from Aburadako, Ween, The Fall, Ahleuchastistas, Steve Miller Band, Radio Palestine, Sajjanu, The Motions, The Letters, Abnorman Chaffy, The Ramones, Jimi Hendrix Experience, Girls Against Boys, Marmalade Butcher, Guzzlemug, Slight Seconds, Cinematics, Strange Changes.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to watch our trees sprout new growth. To see the birds fly down from the branches and pick up yummy worms.

To-do list

Practice being nicer to everyone ½
Upload and record TCRAH ✅
Check files and start grading ✅
More CD sorting ✅
Xbox Dance today?

I woke up a little hungover today despite only having two beers last night. I’m really not enjoying drinking as much now, though I think I’m not really enjoying anything at the moment. It’s just a feeling that I’m sure will pass soon enough. I feel like I’m going through the motions mostly.

I did get a few things done today and starting to refocus myself a little and after six days stuck at home, I am getting a little itchy to just go for a walk.

I really want to get up tomorrow morning and start playing that dance game. I must do it. I should dance – in my own unstylish way. It will at least make Amy smile.

I got bothered today because Amy mentioned that when I write to school or TLC my words are quite argumentative, or could be perceived that way. I need to become more aware of that and be more amenable. I must think more about what I write and hoping that will transfer to the way I speak too.