Category: 2022

Our Primitive Nature – 2nd October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Groping in the shadows for understanding
Groping in the darkness in search of love
We’ll come to terms with our dark side
Get away and look down from above

Running away from our primitive nature
Rationalising and excusing ways to behave
Learning to accept what’s beyond control
The weight of knowledge will build to save

In the country of the bland, the one-idea man is king.

? – variation on another popular quote

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s mum and dad again for bringing me food. Somehow they seem to always pick the wrong time to bring food. Dad walked in with two serves of pla duk foo just as I pulled out my lunch which was reheating in the microwave. So I ate one for dinner and will have to eat the other tomorrow, even though I have soup prepared already. Their timing is uncanny.
The best thing about today was:
Getting out and working in a different cafe just to make change. The coffee was adequate and improved by the fact that it was only 35baht which was a nice surprise. I sat on a rooftop, with a big shade cover. Everything was dry despite the morning rain. Many kittens were dashing around and causing us all in view to smile. A soft cool breeze and a sensible temperature made for a fresh-air work environment. I realise I should have appreciated it for longer whilst there but I’ll be happy to appreciate it right now in my memory.

Describe your best concert experience.
So many to choose from but let’s consider seeing Cardiacs in London as a six-piece with Miss Swift and the Consultant, champagne, flowers and confetti. Lisa drove us and we were both amped a little on speed. The whole atmosphere was joyous and inclusive, the room filled with love and dry ice. We drove home on a high, watching the rain on the window and following the out-of-focus road leading the way. We couldn’t stop smiling until our cheeks hurt.

I took this picture because today is the first day it’s been cool enough to wear a t-shirt indoors. And when Tigger saw me laying down and finally clothed he started chattering away. I struggled to lift him from the floor and he settled on my chest before rolling into the crook of my arm and swimming away as I rubbed his fatty belly with deep rattling purrs. I don’t know why he only comes when I have a shirt on.

Scrabble – 1st October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

After a fall you may rest in bed
But those words can never be unsaid
Your actions may bring some trouble
But your words will score them double

Live long enough and you’ll learn that the people who’ll really hurt you and screw you over aren’t the obvious, overt monsters but the sly manipulators who smile to your face.

Caitlin Johnstone

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to listen to CDs throughout the day. Marc Ribot, Half Man Half Biscuit and That Fucking Tank. To have music available to suit (or make) any mood is something I’m grateful for.
The best thing about today was:
Walking in the rain and being in the garden in the rain, with Cap watching me from the terrace and Tig curled up on the chair. Idyllic.

What is your favourite season of year? Why?
My favourite season depends on where I am in the world but I guess spring would generally be my favourite. The balance of the four seasons in England makes each of them enjoyable. Sydney, Australia mostly felt like having two seasons but a short break in between each. Thailand has three seasons with no spring to really talk of. Just winter, summer and rainy seasons.

Spring is the light after the cold dark of winter, everything renews and regenerates. A time of hope and possibility. Sometimes summer is tinged with a hint of sadness, knowing that it will finish soon.

I took this picture because despite the rain I was enjoying this walk and I wanted to show my village, with the highway running through. I no longer wonder what I’m doing here. I could be anywhere and this is just where I am right now.

The Bull Remains – 30th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

The rain makes the dragonflies dance
Across the green rice field sea
Stalks quivering under droplets weight
Bent to the breeze in a quiet tango
Four rainbows beam from the mountain
Tin rooves announcing progress
Animals seek out shelter
Yet the bull remains, unamused

4th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt

In recent seasons of being, I have had occasion to reflect on the utterly improbable trajectory of my life, plotted not by planning, but by living.

Carl Jung

For vinyl pre-order: cowman.bandcamp.com/album/slaughter

Hand-numbered limited edition of 50. The first 10 include a copy of “Eye”, a handwritten and numbered book (handmade in Nepal) of aphorisms and poems.

For tape release (available soon): cruelnaturerecordings.bandcamp.com

Everyone involved in this release:
cowman.bandcamp.com/album/slaughter
cojurecords.wordpress.com
cruelnaturerecordings.bandcamp.com
www.inguerecords.com/cowman.html

released September 30, 2022

Recorded and mixed at the Slaughterhouse
January-February 2022
Mastered masterfully by Carl Saff

♥Juju, Steve, Cruel Nature, Lucie, Audrey, Gyeong-ryeong, Fai, George, birdbath, Ingue, Simon, Shaun, Tenzenmen, Seb, Dan, James, Tong-ann, Yuting, EBSN and my Mum

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed.
Today I’m grateful for:
The coconut shop that makes delicious iced coconut water drinks. They are delicious but disappear too quickly like good things are supposed to.
The best thing about today was:
As I was walking to the coconut shop a school van pulled up, the door opened and I heard ‘teacher!’ and it was my student Baipad, who I found out lives next door but one to Black Smooth cafe. I think there are a couple of other students in my village but Baipad is the first I’ve actually seen around and all because I decided to walk instead of going by motorbike.

I took this picture because it was only by chance that I saw these strange star-shaped flowers on this cactus. Pretty and pretty interesting.

So It Goes – 29th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Moulded from broken sticks and mud
Bones wrapped in skin and filled with blood
Then lightning sparked man’s first feeling
And his survival seemed to be appealing

First, they fought over each other’s bread
Dashing rocks upon the head
Next, they fought over bits of dirt
The winners inflicting the most hurt

Then they fought over their beliefs
Despite the meetings of bigger chiefs
Fought and fought, spilt so much blood
Until the last was buried back in the mud

Not everything is something.

?

Today I’m feeling:
Tired but contented.
Today I’m grateful for:
My hammock, where I could enjoy a little cooling breeze as I did some school work and read a little before having a snooze.
The best thing about today was:
Sitting in the chair at the front of the house as the sun set and the sky darkened, as I drank a refreshing lemonade and enjoyed the neutral air on my skin. I sat and savoured this time as it may never happen again.
What three things did I accomplish today?
1. I finished adding attendance records for all my classes for the whole semester even though it was such short notice.
2. I finished reading A Portrait of Shunkin, a strange short story from Japan. It was evocative and provocative. I loved it.
3. I fixed up a little bit more in the garden. I’m too slow to keep it under control but I like to do a little bit here and there.

I took this picture because Anchan wanted more selfies but the main point here is that I was telling my students here about Hayden, as they asked me questions about my family. Yok is the boy sitting opposite me at the back and he was especially curious. He asked when I last saw Hayden and I said it was 3 years ago. Yok wrote (all this was using translation) that he was sorry and that he was rooting for me) and then he asked if I loved Hayden (presumably because it had been so long since seeing him) and I said ‘yes of course.’ Sadly, Yok then told me that his parents don’t care about him at all. I replied in translation ‘your teacher is rooting for you.’

The Diary That Was – 31st December 1979

Slow – 28th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The air is stuck
There’s no going anywhere
One step forward
It’s sideways from there
Invisible mud muddles
Through invisible puddles
Backed up traffic, stuck
Driving this torpid truck
Barely falling forward
Towards a future unseen
Holding onto the past
Where the memory’s been

The minute you hear ‘freedom’ and ‘democracy’ watch out because in a truly free nation, no one has to tell you you’re free.

Jacque Fresco

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and inspired.
Today I’m grateful for:
Pushing myself to go to Daytripper for coffee and to sit for an hour or more and prepare for class next semester. It was a nice space to be in and there were lots of uni students studying too. I’m grateful to have many choices for places to go to even though I rarely do so.
The best thing about today was:
Seeing an online post from my students saying how much they liked me as their teacher. That made me feel so happy! See photo entry.

I took this picture because I was truly heartened to see these words from Anchan. I can feel that she is mature in her thinking and attitude and I know she has to work hard at home after school too. I hope she becomes a great student and can have a bright future. I hope that for all my students.

Love Is Blind – 27th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Humbled to be the guide
The servant, the pupil
Heart soaring at every breath
And pluck of the string

Blind to her own beauty
Yet knowing it’s there
Seen by others without
Seen by one within

As the pale skin burns
He plucked out his eyes
So as never to forget
In his dreams, she is seen

Two united by cruelty
As ease in love, together
The lark and nightingale sing
Until they ascend the clouds

Inspired by A Portrait of Shunkin by Junichiro Tanizaki
21st May 2025 – Shared with dVerse – Intimate Moments

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.

from Slaughterhouse 5, Kurt Vonnegut

Today I’m feeling:
A little bored and tired.
Today I’m grateful for:
For the bananas that grew in the garden and fed me this afternoon. I don’t know why but it still delights me to be able to grow something and then eat it!
The best thing about today was:
Talking to Amy and discussing some future plans. She’s currently thinking she may move back here on my next visa extension which is great but I want her to have something to keep her occupied when she’s here so she doesn’t overthink things with so much free time.

I took this picture because I was sitting outside and talking on the phone with Amy and enjoying the dusk turn to darkness and the temperature was just right to stay a while and contemplate things. Zooming in on the picture shows a bright star on the horizon. Mars or the north star, I’m not smart enough to know.

Happy Endings – 26th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Did you plan for this deflated feeling?
Post-orgasm jism dripping from the ceiling
In the cold light of day lies the rub
Impatiently waiting for the next rub and tug

Dopamine rushes are in high demand
Sex supply is in the dollars command
Is it really just money you’re spending
As you chase after another happy ending?

Culture is a perversion. It fetishes objects, creates consumer mania, it preaches endless forms of false happiness, endless forms of false understanding in the form of squirrelly religions and silly cults. It invites people to dimish themselves and dehumanise themselves by behaving like machines.

Terrance McKenna

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and contented.
Today I’m grateful for:
Not having anything specific to do at school so I could just hang out with the kids for a while and we could communicate as best we could in English, Thai and with translation. I could also get to 22 Grams for my favourite coffee, sit and read, write and prepare some lessons for next semester. Everyone was in a good state of mind.
The best thing about today was:
Was just the sheer enjoyment of being around my students and hearing them play and having fun with each other and then with me. Everywhere I go students wave and beckon me over and want to try and chat about something. It really gives me great pleasure to be a minor part of their lives. I can remember a time in the past talking to my friends about becoming a barista or even a teacher and they all thought that I would be a great teacher. I’m trying and I’m enjoying trying.

I took this picture because…actually, my student Anchan insisted on taking some selfies using my phone and this is one of the results. Feije, Jet, Anchan and me. There was good energy today.

Top Trump – 25th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Don’t despair, it’s not your role
It’s not within your control
Rejoice at what you can decide
That’s all the gods deemed to provide

For me, insanity is super sanity. The normal is psychotic. Normal means lack of imagination, lack of creativity.

Jean Dubuffet

Today I’m feeling:
A little flat and lazy but still content.
Today I’m grateful for:
My poor motorbike which must hate me for taking it through wet dirt tracks and getting stuck in deep mud and slipping off into the prickly jungle brush. What a trooper of a machine. I hope you enjoyed your wash.
The best thing about today was:
Getting off my ass and going for a ride, getting stuck in mud and getting out again and then getting home thirsty and filthy. Sun, fresh air and accidental exercise. Another ride to remember.

I took this picture because it was at the end of a path around the base of a stone hill and despite not much else being around except a broken fallen down old shack, this little field shrine was well-kept and pretty.

Roundhouse – 24th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This is the house that time built
The 60s are just through the door
Another world, another lifetime
What were the billions gone all living for?

This is the house that time built
Educated to a level capability
Flexing muscles of hidden thoughts
Exercising a great mental agility

This is the house that time built
Once glorious yet now decrepit
All shall one day return to earth
No matter how amazingly intrepid

Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.

Edward Abbey

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
The chef at the shop next to Utopia for preparing me a delicious lunch to my requirements with yummy fresh tofu and crispy noodles to make lard na.
The best thing about today was:
Getting so many little things done but in a relaxing manner. Sometimes I struggle with motivation but today I managed to push through without feeling like I was forcing it.

I took this picture because I was walking home from Utopia and thinking about how to make an interesting picture. The three contrasting colours of yellow, green and blue along with the lines as seen from the ground level give this picture a more complex feel. I thought about straightening the picture but kind of like that it is a little off.

True Loves – 23rd September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Sick and tired of freedom
I want to be a slave
I need to be kept in line
And told how to behave
I’ll gladly give up some rights
Just tell me what to do
I want someone else to think for me
I want it to be you

He who jumps into the void owes no explanation to those who stand and watch.

Jean-Luc Godard

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
All the many choices of different and delicious foods available so close to my home. It’s not often that I can’t decide or find what I want to eat.
The best thing about today was:
Listening to my student Feije singing and playing guitar. It’s great to see one of my students passionate about playing something other than mobile games or TikTok. She ran all the way over to the guitar room to bring one back to the classroom as I let them have free time. I also had fun with Mee, Yok and Kam with a silly fun game they had on their phone and also with another group of girls playing Uno.

I took this picture because Tokyo was in a friendly happy mood today and she’s lovely when she’s like that. She’s very possessive of what she perceives as her things and will quickly and easily bite you if you go near them.

The Week That Was – 23rd December 1979