It’s a labour of love, not big dreams But about what being human means Sticking a dollar in the cup, passing through This is all a gift from me to you And back again, that’s our reflection Open to each other’s introspection In for a penny, in for a pound Let’s pass the bucket of life around
Today I’m feeling:
A good vibe. This morning is not too hot. I lazily prepared for the day by rolling back and forth in bed due to stiffness finally getting up and mosying along to Utopia for a delicious throat-soothing coffee. Art told me about his ride to Doi Ang Chang and it looks like a great ride so I messaged Bruno to plan to go there next weekend.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s dad feeling good enough to come out to Central and eat at the seafood restaurant there, where we treated him for his birthday, Amy’s mum for selling her apartments and Nong Aun (Amy’s brother’s girlfriend) for getting a job as a teacher here.
The best thing about today was:
The first coffee was pretty spot on. Meeting Baipad’s mum, sister and three super cute cats was fun.
The fish speciality at Laem Charoen was delicious for lunch. The afternoon and evening are a relaxing chill-out. It’s been a good day.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My sore throat was getting me down a little at times today but I finally got to rest a little for an hour or so after lunch and it’s improved a little since taking some medicine. I dealt with it by soldiering on and despite feeling a little grumpy I don’t think it showed that much.
Something I learned today?
A theory behind renewed conflict in the Middle East is to cut off oil to China. A terrorist attack is said to be rumoured on US soil that will trigger them into war with Iran.
This whole ridiculous idea seems more likely every day. The US is putting all its pieces into play in preparation. The US is isolating itself more and more from the rest of the world and the rest of the world is looking forward to its downfall.
Whilst people were scoffing at the idea of the end of the Empire last year, this view is now going mainstream.
What’s on my mind right now?
This morning I will go and meet my student Baipad and her mum to introduce myself as her teacher. She lives in our village and since opening up to me about her struggles with being bullied in primary school and her father passing away a few years ago I’ve tried to encourage and support her. As she lives close by I suggested that once a week I can bring her home from school and hopefully introduce her to Amy so she can pick up on some confidence-building skills and keep up her English, which she is pretty good at in general.
I took this picture this morning because this oversized asparagus-looking plant is so big that I had to wide angle the shot to get it all in the picture. The multiple mini flowers are cute though not the spectacle-worthy of a stalk growth of this size.
Pretty good and positive but have a little bit of a sore throat which hopefully doesn’t develop further. This morning though it’s hella hot and humid and most of the booths for the Open House are out in the sun and students are dripping sweat from their faces and I’ve sought refuge at House for a couple of hours.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Hokkaido milk ice cream waiting in the new freezer for a refreshing afternoon treat in this dripping melting heat.
The best thing about today was:
The afternoon concert finale to the school Open House when the students let themselves go a little and got a friendly teenage mosh pit going to their favourite songs and as I tried to encourage my shy students to join, my more outgoing students tried to drag me in to join them too. It was an excellent afternoon of happiness and joy.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The ferocious mosquitos as the sun sets are a reminder that not everything is great in this paradise. Just as the sun goes down the temperature becomes perfect to enjoy being outside (getting some gardening done, enjoying a meal or just relaxing in a hammock) and all is well and good except for those blood-sucking critters. They do settle down a little about an hour after sunset but they still lurk.
I handled them by acceptance and wildly flailing my arms whilst I was hosing down the bricks outside the kitchen. I came back inside covered in red welts and hope that they fed themselves so fat on my blood that they were too drunk to fly.
Something I learned today?
At breakfast, I learned a little about the post-Beats, the Barbarian Poets and read a cool poem by Julia Vinograd called ‘For The Cafe Babar Poetry Reading’. Later I read about why space telescopes are stationed at the Lagrange point, L2, to block sunlight and orbit at the same speed as Earth due to gravitational pull.
Imagine three things that could go wrong in the next 24 hours.
I could be seriously injured in a car or motorbike crash.
I could be fired from my job.
Amy’s grandmum could pass away.
Being seriously injured would certainly be a drag here in Thailand. If I was conscious I would request to be taken to Bangkok Hospital as I believe the care there would be superior though the cost would match too. There are cheaper options but it’s better not to scrimp when it comes to health. I would hope to get some reading in during a recovery period!
Getting fired would also be a drag of course as I’m really enjoying what I’m doing these days. I think if I couldn’t find another job teaching junior/high school here I would give up and help Amy figure out what we could do here at home.
Amy’s grandmum passing away is likely to happen soon and I can see Amy is already mentally preparing for it. She talked about how her grandmum helped her when she was little and she’s upset to see her confined to a bed and slowly withering away.
This text is a mental preparation for possible futures. Best to be ready for what the world throws at you.
Nong Fern took this action shot because she and her classmates wanted me to dance with them.
I’ve no comment on what I remember The past is done and gone I don’t understand where I am now It’s not where I belong
And everything that was said Never made a difference anyway But at least I felt better That I had something to say
A thousand slogans were chanted Marching fists into the air rose When everything was said and done Still here the jungle grows
Today I’m feeling:
Happy after a positive day yesterday. With no classes again this morning I could just enjoy the first couple of hours of the Open House entertainment and all the stalls and I actually thought it was good and well done. I realise that I have changed my thoughts and feelings about some things and can see them in a more positive light.
Today I’m grateful for:
My old favourite student Cake, who is now in grade 9 and studying science to become a doctor in the future. She was a favoured student because she always had a positive attitude. She was already reading heavy science books when she was in grade 6.
Today she was managing a booth for her science program and I asked her to tell me all about it. At first, she was worried because she said her English was not as good as it used to be but after a brief consideration she said ‘Ok, let me try!’ and she did, very well.
The booth has the same things every year and I recognised it all from before but I let her do the spiel, including about different teas and their properties after I asked which was good for a headache. She told me and gave me a free teabag to try, which I will sometime when I remember to bring it in from the car.
The best thing about today was:
Only having to be around for a couple of hours this morning and not teaching. Again the kids were all in a great mood and there was a good vibe among everyone. I was tempted to stay longer because I was having such a good time but Amy and I went off to buy a fridge and a fan and we now have a drinks fridge and bar area in the dining room.
Amy is happily making the house into the way she wants to make her feel comfortable. Things are good now but how will they be when the burning starts again and things start to annoy and upset her more. I’m still hopeful she can fill her time with things to take her mind off it.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Not a big surprise but I’d been waiting to be paid by TLC and sent a message to my boss who replied that she forgot to tell me that the school deducted my payment as I missed some days last month for my travel. I doubt that very much but like I said it’s not a big surprise really.
Something I learned today?
Today was Kru Jern’s 33rd birthday and after finding out I quickly ran to the cafe to buy a piece of cake for her.
Write about a song that always comforts and understands you.
Most of the songs stuck in my memory were not through comfort and understanding but through depression and perceived adversity. I distinctly remember playing the shit out of the Descendents ‘All’ album and The Dicks ‘These People’ album when trying to deal with the trauma of my first dumping. In a weird way they were my comfort.
There’s many songs that give me goosebumps and maybe Volcano Suns Room With A View understands me. ‘All I want is a second or two to collect my thoughts about you…I sit for hours on end, for hours on end…’
Kru Jern took this picture because Kru Ren and I are both playing dress up here. He is a video game character that I’ve never heard of and I am dressed up as a teacher.
Shoving in doughnuts Pooping out rocks Here lies the slovenly Unable to put on socks
Ten gallons of soda Living life liver-free Stuck on the sofa In front of the TV
Making friends with strangers Fat thumbs on the phone Influencing the influencers Relatively unknown
Shopping in comfort From the living room Like a faulty product Due to expire soon
Today I’m feeling:
Tired but improved in general. I could’ve slept more but got going with exercise and breakfast. My morning class I decided to cancel as students are preparing for an Open House event over the coming two days. Not what I had planned but I’m much more accepting and able to adapt more easily these days. I quickly planned a separate lesson for my afternoon class that they could easily do in the canteen and it went well compared to yesterday and everyone seemed to enjoy it, perhaps because it mostly involved drawing rather than writing.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to find the nozzle for the high-pressure hose that I borrowed from Bruno on Lazada. It arrived today and now the hose works incredibly well, even cutting through the concrete if set too fine!
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying having fun with students all day long even as they were preparing things, studying, learning, chatting or playing. Everyone was in a good mood it seemed.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The whole day at school was out of control as kids were busy everywhere doing things and making a mess. In classrooms, in hallways, in the canteen, library and playground. I went with it and had a great time. I met some of my grade 8 students in the canteen whilst I was taking care of the grade 7 class there in the afternoon and they told me that Teacher David was sad. I’m not quite sure what they meant but I can imagine that he is a bit frustrated with not being able to teach in the way that he’s used to.
Something I learned today?
Kru Fluke is leaving our team to go and take her turn working up in the mountains. It’s a shame as she is one of the teachers who actually makes an effort to engage despite having poor English herself.
How do I usually handle my emotions and feelings?
In some ways, I have managed to suppress strong emotions much of the time so that I am able to deal with events more reflectively. I am still afraid that I could overreact at some point. I don’t repress my emotions or feelings but let them play out with less stress and anxiety. In general, I have fewer cares and fewer worries. I guess I always had fewer cares and worries but exaggerated their importance before.
I took this picture because I walked around the corner to find my old class of students sitting here like this. They were waiting for a teacher to give them some items to help make decorations for tomorrow. They weren’t particularly enthused to do this but were excited not to be studying!
8th Feb 2024 – These kids are grade 9 – mostly 14-15 years old. Can I remember their names? I only taught them for one semester and that was last year now. ?, Piano, August (the dancing, singing…), Art (I taught him occasionally in Primary), Fill (whom I taught in Primary), Chompoo (likewise occasionally taught in Primary), Stang, Phoom, NongNong (formerly Sunwa), Pat, Gear, Levi, Beena, Proud, Mangkron (who wants to be a farmer), Nice (taught in Primary), Leo, (? – this kid rarely came to class), Pon, Chokun (taught in Primary), Baitoey, (? – I should know her name as I talk with her almost every morning) and Earn. Missing are Yok, Ice and another boy whom I can picture but can’t name!
When I was a ghost, my eyes were never met Unknown, unspoken, unseen, unheard There I stood, three monkies wiser Until hearing the whisper of the magic word
A name on a page, a name in lights Is that me, is this real? Does a grain of sand on life’s beach Really understand what the ocean might feel?
You can see me and I can feel you Alone but never lonely, loneliness lost Spaces filled with words and chatter To balance it all comes at a cost
Tides are changing, shores are filling Days and nights are both illuminating The stories brought here remind me Of the sandcastles we’re all creating
Better than yesterday though still not quite awake, I feel. I had fun with all the kids at the flag ceremony this morning but need this first coffee for my first class.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the people who handled the parcel of records that got delivered safe and sound to me today from Turkey.
The best thing about today was:
Spending time and effort with one one-on-one reading with my grade 8 students. Both yesterday and today’s classes are a challenge and I think it is beneficial to spend even just five minutes one one-on-one as often as possible. I can only do this with about 6 or 7 students per one two-hour class though.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My final class of grade 7s was disrupted somewhat as one student told me that a few of them were supposed to go for football practice. I told them that they could go when they finished their work but unfortunately they struggled with the work and then as it rolled past the time they asked to leave they struggled with their attitude. Many students ended up 20 minutes late for their vans as I wouldn’t let them go unless they at least attempted the work.
The kids don’t know how to help themselves and the other classmates that understand are reluctant to help now as their kindness has worn thin. The students that slacked last semester will struggle this semester as I ask them to think more about their own ideas, beliefs and feelings. Things that they can’t ask the answers from other students.
I managed to remain mostly patient throughout all this. Mostly.
Something I learned today?
I just realised that the candy I’m eating right now have little tidbits of information on them and so I just learned that crocodiles can’t stick their tongues out. Fairly useless information for 99.5% of people on Earth but there we are. I learned that today.
If I could change one thing about my life, what would it be?
I can imagine that this would be something ridiculous like not having to sleep or being able to party without hangovers! Or not die until I’m ready!
Or that I still had youthful boundless energy.
If I could change one thing about my life I would have done it already.
Which side of the bed do you sleep on?
It seems that I am always the one closest to the door so that if anyone ever breaks in to try and kill us they will go for me first. I don’t know if this is a subliminal thing on Amy’s behalf or why that makes her comfortable but it doesn’t bother me. I can sleep on any side of any bed so long as it is comfortable.
Right now we each sleep in the middle of our own King-sized beds which is both ridiculous and amazing.
I took this picture because this old boy was waiting for me to finish exercising so he could eat. Tigger wasn’t far away either. I didn’t feed them as Amy wants to do it ‘her way’ which I know is just to get their affections! I noticed that by this evening both cats are no longer looking at me with expectation but at Amy instead!
Still dizzy. Even dizzy during my poor sleep last night as my body aches made me uncomfortable. Wondering how serious this might be. But I still pushed through morning exercise hoping that that may get me going. Not quite. Will see how I fair today.
Today I’m grateful for:
Funfai bringing me a food gift. Unfortunately it was pork so I had to return it though I made sure she knew I was grateful.
The best thing about today was:
Finally feeling better by the afternoon after sinking a cup of water with electrolytes. I’m not 100% yet but at least I don’t feel as if I might fall over now.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My first class this morning was a bit of a test for me and I almost lost it but I think the kids sensed it and were unusually quiet for a little while which softened me a little. I also recalled a daily reminder I have set – “Be grateful for what you have, for it is a gift that can be taken away at any moment.”
Something I learned today?
Some musicians I have worked with in Germany before are rushing to release a compilation to benefit women struggling through the war in Gaza. There are only four days to submit and I don’t think anyone I know would be able to commit to that. But in an effort to be useful, I passed the message on to the current folks I’ve been working with on the Jorando Del Muerto release.
Who is the wisest person I know?
I keep seeing this prompt and thinking it says who is the worst person you know!
The wisest….?
Even people I admire I don’t consider all-wise, all-knowing. Everyone has their foibles. And everyone has some wisdom. Take the best from people so that you can learn. Try everything until you figure it out for yourself.
How am I different than I was a year ago?
Change seems slow until you look back from further in the future. I don’t feel as if I’ve changed much at all in the last twelve months. I can see very minor improvements when I look back at diary entries and think to myself ‘Oh yeah, I remember doing that’ and then making decisions about where to go from there.
Answering this question for five or ten years ago would be much easier to analyse.
How am I stepping outside my comfort zone?
I’m not doing this too much these days but I can think that forcing myself to exercise is outside my comfort zone even though I’ve been doing it regularly for a couple of years now. I’ve been taking cold showers since about March and still going at the moment, testing myself to see how far I can make it into winter. I will go and play tennis with Funfai once a week, just for thirty minutes, despite my aching old bones. I’m still not often comfortable in the classroom either. I’m still learning everything.
I never had no glamour in the city No Gatsby hotels to wine away my youth My world was dull grey and polished shitty But neither place could contain all the truth
No sparkling floors can hide the vomit From the mouths of the rich or poor The eyes of men try to put the girls on it As they rush on through the bathroom door
Living life is never not strange There’s always a way from here to there There’s only trouble not accepting the change That a new you is just waiting to share
Tired again after my adventures yesterday with tree cutting. My body is aching and I’m a little dizzy and slow this morning. However, still feeling positive enough. The day is mine.
(later) Well, the day involved a three-hour exhaustion nap from which I woke up even more dizzy. I’m not up to much today.
Today I’m grateful for:
Discovering three sticks of Miang Kam in the fridge which I’d forgotten about. Amy bought them last night for me.
The best thing about today was:
Not being particularly worried or bothered about anything. Really, nothing much happened today and I’m just enjoying wallowing in our nice clean today house.
Something I learned today?
For the I-don’t-know-many-times, the resolution raised at the UN to lift sanctions on Cuba was voted for by all but two countries, the USA and Israel. I may not have a clear picture but it feels like the world has had enough of American imperialism and world policing.
I took this picture because P’ti was looking like a boss this morning.
Super tired. I was even super tired in my dream! I kept thinking I was going to fall asleep in my dream! I rolled around and stretched myself for a good long while before getting up this morning.
Today I’m grateful for:
The assistant at Mega Home who tried to clean out the hose nozzle of Bruno’s high-pressure hose machine and successfully managed to dislodge a tiny stone that was blocking it. Unfortunately there seems to be more stuff stuck inside blocking it and I’ve had to order a new one online. Hopefully that all the problem is.
The best thing about today was:
Cutting some big branches off our trees as I suddenly got it into my head after investigating what was making noises on the roof. Birds were bathing in water trapped in the gutter and vines were spreading all over as they had attached themselves to the dirt trapped there in the debris of leaves held in place by the tree branches.
I hacked about four or five of them down and dragged them off the roof and artlessly dumped them over the fence. By this time I was completely covered in dirt, dust, mould and ants. My muscles are aching and body scratched and bruised but I had a good time!
Something I learned today?
People laugh when they don’t know what is coming next. Surprised and happy at a new interesting thought injected into the conversation or action.
I think I don’t laugh so much because life has become fairly obvious over time. At least when it comes to being around adults. Kids make me laugh all the time because they can still be wildly unpredictable.
And none of this means that I’m not happy or even that I don’t find things funny.
Good comedians make me laugh. For me they are becoming rarer but that is perhaps connected with growing older and not fully immersed into the cultural zeitgeist they are coming from.
I took this picture because these branches took some mighty effort to be pulled down from the garage roof and dragged across the garden and deposited over the fence. I got a good workout doing that.
It’s time to leave, time to live The tough have already got going The soft remain inactive But deep down already knowing
It’s time to go, time to be gone Let the waste remain in this place Time is forever marching on And taking up so much space
The magnetic pull unwavering Stick the cynics in the bin Tomorrow is not worth savouring If the journey doesn’t begin
Once again, inspired by this post at Spinning Visions. I am usually inspired by things I see, hear and read (more than conjuring things from the depths of my brain – at least, these days) and I’m catching up on reading Makenna’s journey via her blog.
The Blackened Screamo powercell from İstanbul, Jornada Del Muerto (featuring members of The Ousted, Burn Her Letters, ria, pembe, Noisy Sins Of The Insect, Slave Training) unveils their brand new full length “Pinturas Negras” via 11 DIY labels (see below) Mixed and Mastered by Pete Grossman at Bricktop Recording who has an excellent discography, such as Inclination, Frail Body, Uglybones, LUCA, Crowning…
Having released a cathartic and well-written debut album in 2021, the blackened screamo act Jornada Del Muerto dedicates Pinturas Negras to Goya’s “Black Paintings” in lyrical and musical ways. 14 songs for 14 paintings.
The band took it to the next level with their new release: while the band is maintaining the short-songs-with-violent-outbursts kind of approach with their songs, it is very clear that Jornada Del Muerto has given a lot of thought to the instrumentation of their new songs as the riffing and the song structures are very on point. The band makes it known to their listeners that very diverse influences are musing their sound, and Jornada Del Muerto transforms these muses into gut-punching screamo anthems with sheer explosions.
Jornada Del Muerto is Alican, Görkem, Mutlu, Onur
Recorded at PUR Music Studios Mix and Mastering by Pete Grossman at Bricktop Additional Cello by Öykü Opuz Artwork by Nazan Aydın
Sabbath Video credits Directed by Doğuş Asan & Mutlu Oral Animated by Doğuş Asan Character Design by Eda Dursun Written by Mutlu Oral & Görkem Arslan Edited by Mutlu Oral
Judith and Holofernes Video credits Video by Görkem Arslan & İdil Kocabozdoğan
Co-operative release featuring the following labels: Mevzu Records No Heroes Records Dead Red Queen Records Fresh Outbreak Records Friendly Otter 5 Feet Under Records Dingleberry Records Pumpkin Records Salto Mortale Seitan’s Hell Bike Punks tenzenmen No Funeral Records
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and content. I’m so happy that Amy is back and made our house back into a home again. Everything is clean and tidy! It’s not that I’m terribly messy and dirty but my standard and its importance is lower.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Jern for fixing up some things in the class attendance system for me. It’s important to have a good connection with some co-teachers because sometimes there are things that need to be done that I can’t do by myself.
The best thing about today was:
Unprompted, Kru David commented positively on my new Monotone trousers today. It’s nice to hear that though I never would expect that about my trousers as they are relatively plain when compared to some of the shirts I wear!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I have a smart kid in one class (Kwang) who suffers from a lack of direction and absent parents. She’s smart enough to avoid working hard and avoid getting in too much trouble.
This week she explained that her phone touchscreen is broken and that she can’t do my work whilst in class but promised that she would do it at home in the evening, which she then didn’t do.
As I have two old spare phones I figured I would donate one to her so she could do my work in class. I struggled to remember to find it this morning but in the end, I picked it up and found the charging cable too.
I waited for the homeroom teacher to appear in the morning and told her of my idea which she thought was a good solution. However, Kwang’s grandparents sent a message that morning that she wouldn’t be in school today!
I left the phone with the homeroom teacher as Kwang will likely show more respect for receiving it from her than from me.
Something I learned today?
Of course, surely, I learned many things today but they all seem relatively minor and inconsequential as I try to summon them here to write.
Name five ways you are quite difficult to deal with?
I still have a childish reaction to being told what to do and how to do things sometimes, even when offered in good faith and it being a better solution than what I’m trying.
I enjoy things that most people don’t and I detest many things that others seem to enjoy. I’ve softened somewhat over the years and can bear small amounts of detestability. In general, this revolves around entertainment such as music and movies mostly.
I’m happy to be by myself and don’t need much interaction to be satisfied. It’s not that I don’t like people, I really do. It’s more that I don’t find a large percentage particularly interesting and I often don’t feel like investing the time to go deep with them. Others though, will appear that immediately interest me. I can wait for them to show up.
I still sometimes struggle with changing tack after I’ve invested time and effort into the direction I’ve been going. Working in Thailand has definitely made me improve myself with this as changes can manifest with little warning.
In the past, I was quite contrarian, in connection with point 1 here. However, I would say that I am not at all outwardly like that these days, though the thoughts are still entertained internally!
I took this picture because this is an accurate reflection of my place in this world. At the walls of my palace sit the beasts and the jungle.
Positive and happy though I slumped a little in the afternoon after getting home. My Thursdays now are my easy day with just two hours of teaching in the morning.
Today I’m grateful for:
Bruno lending me his high-pressure hose to clean the mould off the paths around our house. It worked for a while but I think maybe some ants were in our hose and maybe have blocked up the nozzle somehow. I hope I didn’t break it!
The best thing about today was:
Listening to the David Kleiler interview where he gushes in the same way I do about Mission of Burma and Volcano Suns. I think he’s right when says Peter Prescott is a true artist and the show hosts also put Roger Miller in that category.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At 7.30 pm I was trying to watch a video but Amy kept making calls so I paused so she could listen easily and because I have trouble hearing when there is other noise too. After she finished I started watching again but then she started asking me questions about things. I didn’t get frustrated but turned the TV off as it just wasn’t the right time to watch. I started to feel very tired then and got into bed shortly thereafter. The first work week and return to exercising is wearing me down so I’m looking forward to the weekend.
What am I looking forward to this month?
I look forward to what every day brings me. I don’t have any specific idea of what I might look forward to.
The weather is nice so a bike ride might happen this month, but if it doesn’t, that’s ok too.
I look forward to continuing with things I enjoy such as reading and playing guitar, teaching and having fun with my students.
Art took this picture because he said I looked good sat here. After seeing the picture I commented that I look tired. And old.
1994ever 