Not In The Mood For It – 16th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I woke up well but things took a turn
The fruit was off and the toast did burn
Driving in the rain was such a chore
The podcaster talking was just a bore
The thought of coffee didn’t improve
This bad mood I was needing to soothe
The big truck guy wouldn’t let me through
Things were getting worse – it’s true
Today’s headaches won’t let me be
But at least the dog was happy to see me
…..
So, coffee consumed, helped a bit
Things weren’t so bad, I had to admit
Just plough on through, get on with it
Even if everything returns to shit

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to play with Kim Chi this morning (and this weekend). She loves to rub her nose on my fingers and my own nose and purrs in happiness.

Almost missed writing this today as I spent my time adding posts to my blog when I was free.

The morning started off a bit down and a couple of very minor incidents almost brought me to the idea of having a shitty day but I realise this and kinda talked myself out of it and now the day has disappeared.

I’m once again grateful to my students in 2/9, whom I teach in the mornings, and who always seem to pick me up. I’m also really enjoying reading my books. I can get totally absorbed in them.

I did forget to call Hayden today, though, perhaps when I get home or tomorrow. I subscribed to Ryan Holiday’s dad emails in the hope of some inspiration for me to inspire him!

Sleeping Garden – 15th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

*Why do we sleepwalk and tread all over our hearts?
Do you feel as if you’ve come out of the soil yet?
Step into the light, it’s time to play all our parts
Reach for the sun, let’s see how dirty we can get.

*First two lines (and ideas) stolen from Glenn Dakin’s ‘Abe – Wrong for All the Right Reasons’
26th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Didi this morning as she let me try some of her lemon cheesecake that she made for Art at Utopia. Also to Gang – who shared info about his tattoos and his plans. They are both nice people.

Alice Wants a New Toy – 14th August 2021

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The new philosophy
The capitalist bottom line
The shuckster’s manipulation
Of the words on which you dine
Everything’s an advert
Everything is for sale
This charming man
And prepubescent female
The disposable income
For more disposable trash
There’s Mr and Mrs Jones
Borrowing more cash
It’s all a public image
A burning rotten lie
Paid for ten times over
And never questioned why

Nods to Alice Donut’s ‘Every Body Is On Sale’ and PiL.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my little afternoon nap today, listening to music and fading in and out. It was a nice relaxing time to savour.

Split Idea – 13th August 2021

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The birth of morning,
begin it all over again
The pen on paper,
pondering what it means

The curse of ideas,
coursing through my head
The blessing of words,
buzzing about my brain
The lack of time,
lurching ever onward
The thread of images,
turning me more insane

The death of days,
dying sunlight fades
The soothing sleep,
succumbing now to dreams

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my sunburn from yesterday’s ride. Somehow, perhaps from vitamin D, it has given me some extra energy this morning and I feel great.

In an effort to stop Amy from drinking all afternoon, I took her for a long exploratory bike ride, leaving after lunch and planning to get back before it started raining. The skies were cloudy and threatening, but as we went on, blue sky and sunshine peeked through. I set a target destination somewhere in the back of beyond and only checked occasionally that we were on the right track.

Amy was in good spirits but then began complaining of a sore butt. I, too, had a sore butt but that’s the price to pay for adventure. I stoped and Amy walked around trying to pump some blood back into her butt, and it became apparent that I’d missed a turn and we were now way off target. Not lost but directionless, I turned around and headed back, Amy now quiet as a mouse and hiding from the sun.

We got back around 3 pm, and it was only then that I saw how burned my arms, shoulders, and forehead were. A cooling shower and aloe vera gel helped a little, but I was hot and itchy for the rest of the day. I practised guitar for an hour or so and finally nailed some pieces I’ve been struggling with.

Anyways, I slept really well and dreamed that I’d been given a playful calf for some reason, and it made my dream really happy. Often these days I’ve been resetting my alarm to give me an extra 20 minutes’ sleep, but today I just got up and go. I didn’t think about it until I was exercising and was thinking perhaps a shot of sun yesterday had boosted my energy levels. The sunburn suggests having overdone it, but I’ll take it.

I did my usual 5-minute morning warm-up workout burpees, which I always struggle to muster up strength for and also my mini weights routine for my shoulders.

I’ve been feeling great all day. I hope it maintains through the weekend.

The Chaotic Era – 12th August 2021

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Always searching for something stable
Hoping that tomorrow the sun will rise
Campfires warming wherever able
Tomorrow’s fire fills half the skies
The pyramid’s cauldron is bubbling
Predicting the future, obviously uncertain
Our civilisation’s end is troubling
And the kings pull down the final curtain

*inspired by an early section of the The Three Body Problem by Liu Cixin

Gratitude Journal

I am do happy and grateful to go on a long bike ride (even with Amy complaining) and get lost and just take in the scenery. I need to remind myself that the earth is beautiful.

112 Reasons – 11th August 2021

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Laws to maintain, silence any dissent
Manipulated by a corrupt government
There’s a real jail cell for you to fear
If you’re lucky enough not to disappear

Pureblood power, losing all relevance
Inbreeding has diminished their intelligence
But 112 reasons, enforced and brutal
Ensure a society medieval and feudal

Lies become truth once revealed
They cannot forever remain concealed
All dynasties rise and fall in time
It’s your choice to ignore this crime

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the sound of the rain this morning. Not so heavy to be distracting but just the right amount to be meditative.

Bruno has led me down a rabbit hole with a link he sent me yesterday, with a lot of English articles which follow on from the book about Thailand that I’m reading. I’ve been digging in and will spend more time reading a more honest history of this basket case of a country.

Anyway, feeling good today. Coffee kicked in very well this morning, all today’s classes are planned and going well and to top it all off, tomorrow is another holiday.

It’s been cloudy and raining all day – humid indoors but perfect outdoors. ‘Lovely’, as mum would say.

Curiouser – 10th August 2021

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Are you curious about the world
Or is everything in its place?
Is every piece already set in stone
The winner chosen for every race?

Do you see what’s under your nose?
The dusty corners of darkened rooms
Comings and goings of all earthly creatures
The life and death that one presumes

When eyes open to let the light in
The world becomes majestic and grand
Life fills suddenly with meaning
And understanding begins to expand

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the folks who will service our car today. I hope they do a good job and are in good health and don’t catch Covid.

At Amy’s parents’ for lunch. It’s Mother’s Day this week, so it’s a family get-together. Amy said to teach up in the new room they built above the garage, and I thought, ‘why not?’, so I’m lying on their comfortable brand new sofa trying to stay awake before my class starts.

Today, George blanked me in the morning when I said hello and then again when I said goodbye at lunchtime. This annoyed me a little until I told myself to calm down and that I can’t control his actions, only my own. I let it go and feel much better.

I’m happy to have no more online classes after school and have that free time back again. It’s a great feeling, and I still wish I had all day, every day, free! Still, it’s not so bad. I’m really enjoying teaching at the moment, and it looks like it will be for the whole semester. The students and I are pretty locked in now.

Slow It Down – 9th August 2021

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Luckily I don’t need to be chasing bucks,
I can breathe through stressless days;
I’m not surrounded by some useless fucks
who always listens to what someone else says.

I’m not nostalgic for the weekend gone
and not living for the one that’s coming,
Today is the day to get things done,
I’d rather savour the walk than running.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my dreams – for my dream last night which I know was stimulating and interesting though right now it is out of reach again. I do remember meeting my favourite student, Cake, and she was happy to see me again.

The weekend made me so tired because I like to stay up late watching TV and then reading before going to sleep. Yesterday, Sunday, I went to bed at 7.30, read until 9 and couldn’t understand what I was reading, so went to sleep.

Sometimes I long for those days of finishing school on Friday, partying with friends, bumming around without direction, making our own mischief until Sunday evening came and the weekly bath indicated that that time was gone.

Amy has the possibility to go to the UK to work with Bookie, and it has got me wondering about returning to the UK. Also, Rupert is living in Holt now and is contemplative of how, no matter how much he travelled, he has ended up back close to where he started. Is that our destiny?

Sometimes I miss winter, but feel confident that going through another one would cure me of it!

Happy World – 8th August 2021

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*The apocalypse doesn’t need to arrive
It passes through us every day
Have a happy end of the world
It’s up to you if you decide to play

*First two lines (and ideas) stolen from Glenn Dakin’s ‘Abe – Wrong for All the Right Reasons’

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that currently, we have so many options available to us for our future. With calm heads, we can make good decisions.

8th August 2023 – Choose to play happy in this world.

The Poems of a Ridiculous Man – 7th August 2021

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So here’s the last of my Dostoevsky cool quotes for now, this time from the fantastic The Dream of a Ridiculous Man. Despite being quite dark and moody I feel like my poems came out a little more on the positive side – perhaps a reflection on how I was feeling when I wrote the poems compared with when I was inspired by the quotes as I was reading the story.

Acknowledgement to Husker Du and Rob Crow/Heavy Vegetable for some relevant phrases and ideas and, as before, the poems borrow heavily from the text.

Searching for a picture for this post also lead me to finding this hand painted animation of the story.

Ah, it’s so hard to be the only one to know the truth! But they won’t understand it. No, they won’t.

No Truth

Only I know the truth
They sure won’t understand
I carry this burden
It is just as I planned
Truth is in the saying
The truth will set you free
But I will never share
The truth is just for me

Maybe it was the result of the conviction that dawned upon me quite independently of my will that nothing made any difference in this world.

Conviction

I tried and tried and tried and tried
To make a difference before I died
Close to the end a sudden dawning
Independently and without warning
Your time is pointless, meaning, none
A pinprick in millions more to come
So make the best and start believing
Despite the sentence we’re all receiving

…eternally dear to the hearts of her most ungrateful children.

Realm

This earthly realm
Where it all starts
Never ending, eternally
Dear to the hearts
….of her most ungrateful children

We can truly love only with suffering and through suffering. We don’t know how to love otherwise; we don’t know any other love. I want to suffer so that I may love.

Love and Suffering

I wanted it all, wanted it so badly
Staring out of misted windows like a fool
To love this love is to suffer it gladly
Our twisted hearts make us look so cruel
This love, true love, it knows no other way
Crushed and broken hearts not spoken thereof
Life lived without it, not for another day
I must, I want to suffer so that I may love

My hatred for the people of our earth had always contained a feeling of despair – why couldn’t I hate them without loving them?

World of Masochism

My hatred for the people of our earth
Has always contained a feeling of despair
Why couldn’t I hate them without loving them?
Why did I have to care?
Some days I’m just in KEN Mode
A rage of pure hate and seething
Other days I wish for utopia
A paradise full of our dreaming
Which way will it go today?
Which side of the bed did I wake?
Every thought is masochism
No matter which path I take

They grew to appreciate the beauty of untruth…the germ of the lie penetrated their hearts, and they took a fancy to it.

A Good Lie

Sometimes a lie is like a lover
A beauty to be believed
The untruth penetrates the heart
Willingly deceived

…they experienced suffering, and came to love it; they declared that suffering was the only way to Truth. Then science spread among them.

To Suffer

He felt he’d suffered enough
So the Buddhist jumped from the roof
Science says ‘he’s dead’
He thought it the way to truth

Each became so jealous of his individuality that he had to do his best to belittle and humble the individuality of others….

Tall Poppy

You’ve reached the greatest height
Like it’s some crowning achievement
Society brings you down to earth
Where everyone is in agreement

Voluntary slavery in which the weak submitted to the strong of their own free will, if only in order to gain their support to oppress those who were even weaker than themselves.

Shit Trickles Down

Submit to the strong by your own free will
Eat the shit until you’ve had your fill
So you may enslave those below you
Pass on the shit your master throws you
The human centipede, a fitting analogy
A voluntary agreement to this economy
A vicious circle made of 7 billion pieces
The pyramid scheme of human faeces

We’re striving for the same things; we’re all, from the sage to the worst criminal, making our way toward the same objective. Only we’re trying to get there by different roads.

Different Roads

You take the high, I’ll take the low
It’s the same whichever way you go
You take the low, I’ll take the high
Arriving together, just in time to die

Let’s say paradise will never come about! I know myself it won’t – yet I’ll still go on preaching.

Right Turn

Never stop believing
Counter negative traits
Never stop the search
Paradise awaits
It will never come
In your lifetime’s fight
You know what is right
Be doing what is right

Afterword:

Man’s desires are not reasonable and often make him act against his own interest and common sense, but they are what makes him human.

Contradictions

I am respectable, yet not reasonable
My flaws are the things that make me
My desires maybe contradictions
This human interest will not break me

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the daily struggle of thinking of something to write here, without repeating myself. During the day something will pop into my mind to write but when I sit down to do it I struggle to remember. As days are somewhat repetitive at the moment I keep coming up with the same ideas. So anyway, I am grateful that I have this first-world problem.