My Journey – 15th July 2024

A boy that was born English
With depression he could not extinguish
Accepted his fate to relinquish
– Leapt into the unknown

Then a man of Australia
Who could not accept failure
Yet failed to modify his behaviour
– The journey was only just starting

Finally to the land of smiles
He overcame all his trials
Accepting all his different styles
– It was the journey, not destination

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 56 – accept


Today I’m feeling:

Not too bad.  My hip is only slightly sore now, and I think I got it from spending too much time sitting in the cafe on Wednesday and Thursday last week.  I don’t think that it was from exercise so much, though I’m still wary of starting up again, and so skipped it this morning.  I will start again tomorrow and see how I go.

I was a little dizzy this morning until my medicine kicked in, and I felt pretty good by the end of the day.

Today I’m grateful for:

The folks doing the new road again, as they put in some extra concrete to join up with our driveway, which we were expecting to have to do ourselves.  I’m not sure how good it is yet as it is still covered, but it will be better than nothing and cheaper than use having to pay to fix it up.

The best thing about today was:

I had back-to-back one-hour classes with my grade 8s this afternoon, and I was pleasantly surprised at the second class who can the most rowdy at times.  Within five minutes of setting them a writing task, they were quietly completing it, and I didn’t know what to do with myself.

As they completed the work, I told them what we would do on Thursday when they would read the tex,t and they listened attentively so that they could write out some pronunciation in Thai to help them remember.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In the morning, I had to walk over to auntie’s house where our car was parked due to the road work, and Tangmo wandered over for a cuddle, rub and snack.  His back was wet and there was a sudden smell of cat shit and I was sure that I must’ve stepped in some.

Even after getting in the car I was looking around for cat shit, wondering how a cat might’ve gotten into a totally locked car.  Then, as I was driving along, I smelled my hands and they smelled of some sort of horrible chemical, like a mix of paint thinners and petrol.

The bad smell must’ve been a mix of dirty dog and whatever the dirty dog had been rolling in.  After arriving at school I avoided saying hello and fist bumping students as much as I could and headed towards a bathroom to wash my hands and make sure that I hadn’t sat in cat shit somehow.

One wash helped, but it wasn’t enough. I took a second go at House and started to feel a little less self-conscious.

Tangmo came to say hello again when I got home, and he still stunk to high heaven.  I hope it is not having too much of an effect on him, as the smell is positively cancerous.

Something I learned today?

Today will be the last that I see of my grade 12 HAP and E-sports students for this semester.  It’s a shame, as I had a fun class lined up for them next week.

I took this picture of Ploy because she was bullying me as I was on my way to class.

Moron Convention – 11th December 2022

Janky parking in entitled lots
The prize to get has got to be gots
The hustled and hustlers dancing in jitters
A microcosm of moronic critters
Overrun with amateurs, unable to discern
Anything beyond their own concern
Grown men anxious and chomping at bits
Losing their minds in explosive fits
Society and humanity seemingly forgotten
The race to the top has now reached the bottom
Used to a life full of broken noses
Shop til you drop, or at least til it closes


Embrace all obstacles as learning experiences, as means to getting stronger.

Robert Greene

Today I’m feeling:
Content and tired
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong May, Amy’s cousin (?), for driving me to get coffee in Lampang. Also dad for driving on the way in the morning, and mum for paying for lunch.
The best thing about today was:
I really enjoyed driving back from Lampang for the first hour. My neck got sore after that though. I also enjoyed lucid dreams again on the way there and was amazed it was already 11am when we got there. The drive only felt like 30 minutes to me but was almost 4 hours. Also meeting the little girl doing dot-to-dot in the cafe whilst I was waiting for coffee. She was very cute and curious.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Most of the day was out of my control and I had already accepted this beforehand.
Something I learned today?
Why do I struggle to recall things at the end of the day? Does information logged in my brain stay in there? Is it useful? Does it only get activated when triggered by something relevant? I suppose that makes sense. Or am I going through days without learning anything at all?
I did learn it was Nong Fah’s birthday today, thanks to a notification in LINE!
What’s your favourite time of day?
Sunrise and golden hour are both up there. Birth and death. Why? The living and sleeping parts don’t hold the same appeal? Like the land meeting the sea is more special than being in the ocean or the middle of the land. Do special things only happen at the edges?

I took this picture because this was the pretty garden area behind the restaurant we ate lunch at in Lampang. There were some amazing mountains along the way but I was driving and couldn’t take pictures.

Picture Perfect – 9th December 2021

On the brightest sunshine day
An egg was cracked on her stomach
Sparks shot off the white
As the yolk glistened in the light
A photograph was taken
To recall this perfect sight

Inspired by Mona Arshi


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the tests of when things go wrong or not as you plan. Living in Thailand has taught me even more about patience and acceptance.


I’ve had a bunch of ideas float in and out and away this morning. I powered through my abs workout knowing that tomorrow is a rest day. I feel good and warmer this morning, despite the cool air.

Yesterday I drove over to Matt’s but couldn’t muster him whilst at the gate despite calling on Messenger and ringing the two bells. Later, he told me I could honk the horn but it’s so peaceful out in the countryside that it feels offensive to my ears to do such a thing. He also gave me his phone number – something so unusual these days that I wondered why! The only person I ever call on a normal phone is Amy.

Telling this story to Fui this morning, we both confirmed that we could remember phone numbers from our childhood still. 001144202881404! Crazy.

I didn’t hang around at Matt’s cos I had to do some printing at school but when I got back, the printer didn’t work and I couldn’t figure out why. It was only later that I realised that the power was off in the whole area! First rule of tech support! Got power?

I went home soon after cos I couldn’t heat up my lunch in the microwave.

After looking at these off white lined pages, my eyes struggle to readjust to the computer screen. I should take a break. Stretch. Go for a walk. Will I? Maybe not.

I have a couple more hours to plough through my backlog of reading. So many things interest and inspire me these days. There are so many fascinating stories.

I was struck by this Seneca quote today, “No person hands out their money to passersby, but to how many do each of us hand out our lives!? We’re tight-fisted with property and money, yet think too little of wasting time, the one thing about which we should all be the toughest misers.” I think this thinking could be a little why I don’t have or need many friends.

Of course, I still waste some of my time, or reconsider my definition. Everyone will have a different definition but no one, me included, should criticise another for what they may consider a waste of time. Disagree, for sure, but follow your way, not that of others.

Safety First – 13th September 2021

It’s a dirty war where enemies become friends
And friends enemies to further their own ends
To the victor the spoils, to make up the rules
To put out the fires burning on hated fuels

Some will celebrate whilst others may flee
An order emerges to which most want to agree
Freedom for the ignorant, itself its own cage
Repeated ad infinitum on every history page

Better to be oppressed than constantly scared
It’s all relative when your life has been spared
Safety comes first, freedom a patient wait
Rebuilding lives, thankfully able to create

Stop running tired now passed that difficult test
Grateful once more, living again, amongst the blessed

29th May 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that in my dream last night I tried to protect the people I love – even though I woke up screaming, waking up the people I love!


I was not in the best of moods over the weekend but not terrible. I think I ran out of energy yesterday and just ended up reading and watching TV. Last week, on Monday, I gave George some ground coffee as a gift and to show that I’m OK with him even though he doesn’t interact with me anymore.

Then, on Friday, as I was listening to YouTube and just before writing my entry here, he came into my classroom, which was a bit of a surprise, and I smiled towards him as he approached. He came up to me with the coffee and said, ‘Why did you give me this?’ I said, ‘No reason – just a gift. You drink coffee, don’t you?’ He put it on the table and said, ‘I don’t accept gifts for no reason’, turned around and walked off. I was speechless.

I sat for a while, writing my entry and decided not to mention this and to think about it over the weekend first. This may have also affected my mood a little, but I realise I feel quite resilient to this kind of behaviour! It gets me curious about what makes people act in this way. Suspicion? Pride? Culture? Anyway, I will ignore this stupidity,

I talked a little with Amy and Bruno about it. Amy blames me for even trying to interact with him. Bruno agreed that it was strange behaviour but not so uncharacteristic from what he know of George. We all agreed that we all feel sorry for Bee, who knows what he is like and puts up with it, whatever her reasons.

Anyway, I gave the coffee to Champ this morning, who was really appreciative of it!

We got that attitude! – 27th March 2021

I am so happy and grateful for our big washing machine – big enough for our king size doonas. I am grateful for the AFL app so even though I don’t want to afford to pay to watch the games live at least I can watch the full replays for free.


The best thing about today was looking through old diaries and poems – seems like I was always writing. Excited to look through it more, though sometimes it gets me down, knowing that I’m getting older and can’t take my existing knowledge back to those times and dealt with them better – or worse still, is looking back and seeing that I’m dealing with the same things as then!

This is about acceptance – accepting who I am. Loving myself the way I am. Fuck those people who don’t get me – that’s what I would’ve said back then – can I say it now?

Senyawa – Alkisah – 21st February 2021

Indonesia’s intense, vital experimental duo Senyawa release their newest album Alkisah via a decentralised worldwide co-operative effort. An explosive, exploratory trip through Senyawa’s unique sonics, Alkisah represents these masters of unpredictable experimental music pushing their own boundaries. 

Instrumentalist Wukir Suryadi performs on his homemade instruments, created from bamboo and other natural materials, offering a rarely explored link between the ancient, traditional, mystical music of South-East Asia and the contemporary avant-garde. 

Vocalist Rully Shabara (also of tenzenmen recording artists Zoo) mines the human voice for its strangest and most challenging sounds, chanting, yowling and throat-singing like a chorus of demons in one song and an arcane, chattering machine in the next. 

Rhythms skitter and crash around like gamelan, punctuated with trashcan drums or bulging plumbing percussion, while doomier moments (such as “Istana”) crush with seething waves of distortion and Rully’s mesmeric growls (a mix of Javanese, Bahasa, and other Indonesian languages). The record lurches from urgency to apocalypse, a twisting and twining story with animist mythology and hellish atmospherics. 

ALKISAH can be translated as ONCE UPON A TIME. 

This is that time.

SENYAWA 
Wukir Suryadi: Custom Instruments 
Rully Shabara: Lyrics, Vocals 

Recorded and Mixed by Iwan Karak 
At Eloprogo, September 2020 

Soundscape of Eloprogo recorded by tesaran 

Artworks by Sopeng 

Minang proverbs on “Kabau” compiled by Taufik Adam


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my tooth guard. Without it, I would grind my teeth down to the gums. I think my neck problem comes from doing this too. Maybe it’s because I drink too much coffee but I sleep well most of the time.


I met Bruno for coffee this morning and enjoyed a little ride around on the way there and I felt in a good mood when I arrived. As ever, we discussed our thoughts on teaching in Thailand, our frustrations with it and our solutions for dealing with it. We both feel much the same. We try our best because we want the best for the kids. We work hard for them whether they appreciate it or not. If we can make a difference to one student then our stress has been worth it.

Let’s hope I can remember this with my class tomorrow! Haha!

More importantly for me I brought up my feelings about George. I wasn’t sure how much to say to Bruno as George had said that they were good friends before but I could feel that something wasn’t quite there.

As it turns out Bruno has much the same problems with him. That he’s hiding something, or putting on a facade of happiness which makes us feel like he’s insincere, his patriarchal behaviour and upset when people don’t do what he wants or behave the way he would like. Neither of us dislike him but both feel less need to do things together (with him).

I always liked George for his positive and outgoing personality. He does deal with some things very well but if it is a facade then it puts sincerity in doubt.

I talked with Bruno about how we both feel that we know about our own weaknesses even when we can tell others the best way to deal with something, it can be very difficult to do as you say for yourself. I used the analogy of ‘the doctor who smokes’. And perhaps this has some similarities to my feelings about George. I know the way I should be with him – to let it go, don’t overthink etc but it keeps nagging at me unavoidably.

I also realise that I don’t say he is insincere or arrogant but that is the way I perceive him. That’s all I can control – but how? This is a difficulty for me.

We also discussed how Bruno had mentioned before that I seemed to have peace of mind but I explained that’s not so – as ‘the doctor who smokes’, I know the way to be but struggle so much to achieve it. I said that what my difficulty is is accepting who I am and why I am the way I am. When I’m happy – such as last Monday – nothing can hurt me but when I’m not quite right – such as Friday – I just can’t find that acceptance – though I do generally know that the feeling will go away again. At least I know now that I can accept myself – this actually feels like a recent event though.

And it’s weird looking back at old diary entries, seeing that even 30 years ago, I knew all these things, could say all the right things yet I still haven’t found real peace of mind. I felt good talking about these things and somewhat validated that it wasn’t just me being a bad friend to George and there was someone else having exactly the same thoughts as me.

Take a swipe at it with a single feather – 2nd April 2020

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that we will go out today to take our cats to the vet.

Krishna descends to this planet every 8.6 billion years and this purpose is stated in Bhagarad-gita and we have to accept it as is; otherwise there is no point in trying to understand it!

Swami

To-do list

  • Finish one more lesson
  • Start that course – now is a good opportunity ½

I taught Bruce today though actually, I didn’t really teach him anything. We ended up talking about Chinese history and how things repeat themselves. I should try and talk to more people – though I don’t really need a high quota to be happy, I have to be aware that I don’t cut everyone off.

I talked with Hayden for a little while today too. He seems to be doing okay under the conditions of the lockdown in Australia.

I watched some of Joe Rogan’s interview with Andrew Yang about Universal Basic Income and I’m starting to consider Hayden’s attitude to work may serve him well in the future, maybe at least not wasting his time and energy on a career that leads nowhere or is made redundant by technology and automation. He still needs to master himself in self-motivation and hard work for himself though.

I’m still confused about my own direction in continuing teaching at the moment. If we move to online teaching it will remove one of the things that I enjoy about teaching and that is the connection I have with the students.

And why waste time working hard when this virus could just stop me dead at any time? If we have only a year left, do I want to spend it in the frustrations of this teaching system? But I guess I shouldn’t be thinking like that (and I am still, very slowly, preparing lessons).

Surf’s Up With Shaun – 1st May 1995

Originally printed in the May edition of the STE Bulletin

Sat on a train station in the middle of nowhere, with the sun beaming down from a beautiful blue cloudless (+ ozone-less) sky. What better place to sit + philosophise in these moments spent waiting for the train.

For those who are interested + I know some of you are, Bronwyn + I got ourselves married on March 5th, a beautiful ceremony amongst some of our beautiful friends (we only wished that more of you could come over to share the experience with us because we miss you all greatly).

It was so cool to have an English ambassador over, that’s Mr Rob Callen (of S.T.E. fame) with all the news + gossip we’ve been missing out on since we left. We had several great lengthy discussions, just like we hadn’t seen each other for a week or so + needed to catch up (+ we caught up pretty quickly thankfully, as time was short – time is always too short when you stop + think about it).

Rob coped really well with all the people that he had to meet + this is something that I’d like to comment on. A lot of my new friends + relations have mentioned to Bronwyn just how well I’m coping with this glut of new people. I guess it could be an overwhelming experience for some people + easy to hide away in your own little world + think that it would be easier to deal with it later + then hope the time never comes.

Now I have to say that I’ve met lots of people here, whose ideas + politics do not correspond to mine + probably the main area of possible contention is with religious ideals. A lot of people I have met (now friends + relations) are involved in their churches in one way or another + are in themselves, deeply religious. I guess this is where things have been easier for me, in that no one is preaching or attempting to convert me. This has meant that there has been no contention to speak of, despite the possibility of it. This has led me to understand that people, even people that I don’t agree with, are basically human.

For instance, while Rob was over here, we found several things that we didn’t agree on. Does this mean that I should shun him + refuse to have him as a friend? How narrow my view of the world would become – missing out on all those great ideas (no matter how ludicrous!). So why should I shun a person, a human being, for their beliefs + ideas, even if they weren’t already a friend to me – that possibility will always exist if I choose to keep my mind open. After all, I have a voice + if someone starts to become overbearing, I can ask them to stop or change the subject.

I have a friend here who I met through college. He’s Dutch, 74 + lived through the Second World War. One of the first things he told me, while explaining Australian politics to me, was that he is, what we in England would call a Tory supporter. If I’d cut off our friendship there because I disagreed with his political persuasion, I would never have heard how he survived tuberculosis in a concentration camp + how he sought to escape to England.

These stories + indeed any story you are told, are tales of life + are learning experiences. All information is learning + by purposely cutting your possibilities of information (by rejecting people for their beliefs), you are losing your will to understand + also run the risk of becoming close-minded.

OK, so what about the fascist Nazi, who beats you up in the street for looking like a ‘black loving queer’? It’s not easy to accept this point of view but step back + see the human underneath, see his weakness + find something in that person that you do not hate.

Hate is the most powerful negative emotion a person can feel + hating in return, is not going to find any real long-term solution. Put down your prejudice (including your CRASS + RUDIMENTARY PENI LPs) + open up your mind.

Just remember it’s OK to disagree but it’s wrong to hate. Hatred achieves nothing except the continuance of hatred – something I’m sure we would all like to see an end to.

Finally, some surf news to justify the column title. A cyclone hit Australia while Rob was here, the east just catching the tail end of it. This meant rain, rain + more rain – Rob only saw about 4 sunny days (it’s still warm enough for shorts + a t-shirt though) but this also led to 15-foot waves + some awesome though violent surf (which tragically drowned a man too). During the quiet moments, Rob got out there on the board and caught a few waves, Which I’m sure he’ll be telling you all about.

OK, gotta go, my train’s here – write y’all to x Alanna St, Terrigal, NSW 22xx, Australia.

(In his accompanying letter, Shaun felt certain that some people wouldn’t agree with his view, I know I (Rich) don’t share all his points + to this end, he positively encourages a reply!!)

31st Jan 2024 – I remember this walk to TAFE to study every morning, after catching the train from Gosford. I particularly remember walking behind a pretty girl that I was, one, too shy to talk to and two, still happily in love with Bronwyn. She looked like how imagined an Italian girl to look and her dark black hair was tinted to the red shone when the bright hit it. Strange the little details one remembers. I wonder what life that girl ended up having. I hope she’s happy somewhere.

STE Bulletin 23 – 2nd February 1994

Coarse and guttural one-syllable Anglo-Saxon with Mr Cynical

Hello again, bet you’re glad to hear from me again. 

Time moves on, things change, people change. Not me, no way. I see all those so-called punk rockers wearing nice new clothes and brand new shoes and, get this, with their shirts tucked in! 

I had the misfortune to actually converse with one of these working-class pretenders (baseball cap on backwards!). You know what he had planned? He was going to punk out at a local show, with so-called punk bands playing. No doubt going on to a bar later and dance to rave or somesuch! What are these people coming to? Let me tell you – it’s not punk rock is it? 

You’ll never catch me in one of those places, even if Beki Bondage was naked in there. Punk rock is about rebellion and rejecting all those normal things. What do they think they’re going to change with their positive attitudes and smiling faces? Sod all – that’s what! 

All those straights can’t be changed – they’re assholes and always will be – this isn’t opinion, it’s truth and I should know….

Shaun’s Shorts

Mr Cynical, miserable old git, eh?

There’s been a lot of talk in the bulletins recently, about friends, especially since one of our greatest friends, Steve Burgess, passed away. I too have been thinking about friends.

Friends, by nature, are friendly. They reassure you and respect you. They can also point out your faults without holding a grudge, or without putting you down so that you still feel good about yourself. They don’t hold you responsible for their own problems and they are willing to accept change.

Steve Burgess was sometimes disheartened by the punk scene, due to its lack of acceptance of change or new ideas, i.e. closed-mindedness.

What do us old-time punks do? The ones who were there years ago?

Do we disassociate ourselves from what is happening now and reminisce about the glory days, or do we put in our efforts and make those glory days again (and again)?

I think those wishing for the old days are closed-minded and unable to accept change. I also think that is their right but what I’m afraid of is the poison that can be spread. It is easy to criticise our scene – it is easy to criticise anything. It is also hard to ignore unconstructive criticism. Doubts start to nag, “Is it worth it? Why do we bother?”

Let’s reject those ideas – they are not for our scene.

One of Steve’s favourite sayings was “It’s all punk rock, innit?” meaning that whatever we did, whatever we do – it’s still punk rock. We are not trapped by the term but released from it.

Can you accept change? Can you be my friend?