Tag: aches

Are We Here Yet? – 30th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

If this isn’t enough, then what is?
We have a reasonably long life of occasional bliss
The canvas is blank and beautiful, waiting
To be painted with all your colours, creating

Those times that can never be killed
An overflowing cup that can never be filled
Smell the roses, and don’t forget to smell the sweat
Sit in the back of the bus shouting ‘Are we there yet?’

Today I’m feeling:

I slept ok but the sunlight is waking me up in the mornings. Maybe I should get up earlier. 
Just set my alarm ten minutes earlier. See how it goes tomorrow.
Feeling reasonably good. My back is still sore but I got through an ab workout this morning. My first class was a bit tough with trying to get everybody into Quizizz. In that class, there are a couple of annoying kids identified so far but most of the others seem cool. I must try to remain calm. I must try to remain calm. I must….

Today I’m grateful for:

My old schoolmate Rupert, who has been much better at maintaining friendships with other schoolmates than myself. As I was writing out my 1984 diary I came across the name Ange but only had a very vague recollection about her. Rupert gave me her full name and reminded me how we both fantasised about her!

The best thing about today was:

Being reminded of so many things whilst writing out my 1984 diary over the last two days. That seemed like a crazy defining year in many ways. Despite hating school so much I did feel a sense of loss and overwhelming change when leaving. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I just had a huge long list of things I didn’t want to do.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It’s the old fallback of the out-of-control class today as my previously boisterous grade 7s are now boisterous grade 8s. However, I think I dealt with it ok, in the fact that I couldn’t control them but I could at least control myself! 

Something I learned today?

I stumbled across a video of a better neck-stretching exercise rather than just the regular pull-your-head to the left and then to the right. I’ll give it a go for a while, adding it to my never-ending list of stretches I should do as an older gentleman.

What are some memorable moments from this past month?

Going back to school and seeing the students again would be my number one. I know one day I will have to leave this all behind and that will be sad but also will mean moving on to the next thing.
There have been other minor memorable moments this month and that is as it should be. I would prefer consistency over highs and lows and to be honest, despite how good everything is really, when I walk to close the gate in the early evening and I look up I still feel like it is not complete anymore because that one little cat, that lovely little Kim, is gone.

I took this picture because these clouds looked promising but have amounted to nothing so far. Come on rain!

Soundbyte Generation – 29th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

SO … ten seconds … pass
UND … er the joker’s … glance
BY … the power up … above
TE …. ll him he’s … dreaming!
GEN … tle into the … night
ER … ror code … repeating
AT … death’s end, soon … here
I … wonder what … happened
ON … those days gone … by

1st Apr 2024 – Submitted to RagTag Daily Prompt

Today I’m feeling:

As I slept so early last night I woke up at around 5 am with the sunrise. That wasn’t enough to get me up though. However, I’d left the aircon on high and although I think it is only working as a fan it was sucking in cold air from outside and I was starting to shiver. I turned it off and tried getting back to sleep and just as the start of my dream felt like it was going to get interesting my alarm went off.

I got up, stiff and in some pain. I think the topple off the bike yesterday jarred something badly in my upper back and it’s pretty sore. Some exercise couldn’t loosen it up either. It’s the kind of sharp pain that stings with almost any movement and will be annoying all day. But I feel good, energised by seeing all the crazy kids and their stories this morning. Now I’m waiting at immigration for my 90-day report.

Today I’m grateful for:

Right now (whilst I’m at school) I’m grateful for the light rain and the anticipation of seeing how well (or more accurately, how badly) the tape on the gutter is working out. I hope it can at least hold some of the water back. (Later – seems it didn’t rain at home!)
I’m also grateful to the neighbours who swept up the grass that I had cut in the road. I was too stuffed to do it at the time and I was surprised this morning to see it all gone!

The best thing about today was:

Feeling happy and wanted at school. I feel that students appreciate that I am close with and care about them and that whilst breaking down the student-teacher barrier they still have respect for me. 
I think some teachers don’t like my style in this way but it is something that helps me to enjoy the time that I am in school and I feel more closely connected with the kids than with other teachers. 
I mentioned this to Bruno yesterday, that I can’t connect with many other adults here because I find them and their lives boring and that the pleasure I get from being around the kids derives from their unpredictable energy and ideas. 
Sure, I miss being in that youthful state (minus the depression of course) so what better way to relive it than through the lives of my students?

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Recently whilst learning guitar, I’ve been playing along in the Yousician app for up to 30 minutes and then loading some of my favourite songs in Capo and playing the chords along with them so some days I might end up playing for 90 minutes or more.
Today I was getting frustrated with Yousician and not being able to play something until getting it right. Sometimes I feel like my fingers are working without me thinking and when I realise that I start thinking about it and then screw up!
Today I just couldn’t push through and wanted to stop. But after a minute or two I loaded some songs into Capo and after playing along to about five I started feeling more positive again. Like anything I guess, some days it’s pleasure and other days it’s pain.

Something I learned today?

I got a message from my old student Boss (the boy I took to the psychiatrist last semester). He messages me about once a week since he started at a new school but today surprised me by saying that he’s come back. I’m not sure why yet but I can guess maybe it was more stressful there. 
Our school is super relaxed in comparison with others and I think it doesn’t help prepare students for the tougher realities of life once they leave, even just to other local schools.
It’s good for me in that I don’t need to be so rigid either. 
Anyway, I’ll get his story soon enough no doubt.

What would I like to accomplish this week?

This week I hope to figure out the best way forward with using Quizizz in my classes, without having to change what I’ve already done. I think a clearer way forward will appear over time so that I tighten up my lessons overall.
I could set some targets for this or that but I think I’m doing well with all the little tasks I submit myself to every day without having to add too much more. 
I guess I’d like to get this tightness out of my upper back by the end of the week though by tomorrow would be preferable.
Maybe I could get down to under 80kg before bedtime this week. I’ve been slowly moving in that direction for the last week or two.

I took this picture because it makes no sense to me. Tattoo and bakery? And all I’ve ever seen there is a small of street food kra pao dishes! Maybe it doubles as a nifty trendy bread and tattoo shop in the evenings!?

Temptation – 27th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

Winds a-whispering such alluring tunes
over the sashaying hips of the golden dunes;
A devil tempts to caress sweet flesh,
to find soft lips to taste afresh.

The valleys first open to be explored,
the enchantment, too strong to be ignored;
A hopeless daydream, a critical situation
must be forgotten, not lost to temptation.

There, within, lies the road to destruction;
the unthinking mind, the unfeeling instruction.
Look beyond this beauty, stunning, unreal;
around each corner lies further appeal.

The holy grail is beyond where the fishes swim,
the welcoming waves beckon to dive within;
Surrounding forest and earth, both lightly scented,
this story, oft-repeated, that has been invented.

21st Nov 2025 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United #204

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and my muscles aching, the ones I barely use until I worked them out yesterday. Just 7 minutes and I’m in pain. I’m weak, I know, but I’ll give it a go. I remember all the talk about working out and taking care of your body during my years of abusing it instead. Is it too late to fix it? Well, who cares. I can’t go back so I’ll do what I can now. My aches are good aches. I know my pain, mental or physical, is good even if it sucks.

Today I’m grateful for:

The grass cutter we bought when we got here that annoys the fuck out of me as it is difficult to use, feels like it’s falling apart, hurts my hands with its violent vibrations, gives me blisters and the engine burns my skin. But I’m still grateful for it to be able to do a little bit of cutting whilst waiting for the gardeners to come and do the job properly.

The best thing about today was:

Having a burst of energy that saw me wash Amy’s doona which smelt of cat spray again. Vacuuming and cleaning parts of the floor. Do some grass-cutting and apply the tape to the guttering in the garage again as it failed to stop the leaks in this week’s rain. I like the feeling of this energy and hope it keeps perpetuating.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I almost lost my temper with the grass cutter and the body strap that supports it. In fact, I did at one point, throwing the cutter to the ground whilst it was still spinning. I think it needs a proper service and repair just to tighten things up. I use it so rarely that I forget to take it for repair and just get frustrated again when I use it! It probably needs a new blade too as I don’t have anything to sharpen it with. 

Something I learned today?

I watched a video that asked the question ‘Why make music when no one cares?’ For me and the legion who grew up on DIY punk, this question never needed to be asked and I find it ironic that it is a common question amongst modern music makers. I don’t think a self-respecting artist would make their art for any other reason than to please themselves. You are the only person that needs to care. If you are doing it for any other reason it is no longer art but just a product.

What challenges am I facing right now?

Health is my main challenge. It’s not something that I consider a major challenge like trying to ace an exam, move to a new country or such like, but more a fight against the ageing process. It is also a challenge that is just a regular fact of life. Any challenges are really self-imposed. For example, I want to improve my Thai and get better at guitar but they are not really game-changers if they fall by the way. I also challenge myself to improve in the classroom and sharing knowledge with my students.

Things like cancer, deep depression or debilitating grief would be real challenges and I’m not facing anything like that.

I took this picture because I saw this plant stem literally looking at me as I walked to the door of Utopia. Even looking at it now is kinda creepy and cool. Reminds me of the movie Labyrinth which I loved to watch whilst tripping in my 20s.

A Dark Past – 14th June 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When there’s no light, a sunny attitude will light the way
There’s a grain of truth in any story so I’ve heard them say
The windows into the past took us to a world away
The light that gave us colours, a rainbow no longer grey

We are inhabitants of a factory so huge we can’t even see it.

Henry Rollins

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my aching hips – reminding me to move and stretch more.