Tag: affection

Chimera – 14th June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A fiction in fact
Feigned and fabricated
A figment intact
An invention stated

Imagined free will
A prayer to the sky
Blessed to kill
And martyred to die

A daydream nation
A fancy illusion
Fabled creation
Another final solution

A lie is a lie

Submitted to dVerse’s Quadrille – figment

Today I’m feeling:

Contented and happy.  It’s the end of the day now, and it feels like it’s been a big, long week.  I think it may only be the second full five-day week of teaching I’ve done in the first 7 weeks of this semester so far!

But, it was a day with three different but interesting classes that I enjoyed a lot.  The first was with grade 11s, where they are putting together presentations, and I taught them about using grammar checkers and ChatGPT to spice up their content (and hopefully, they don’t get smart enough to use it to write their presentations in full!)  I was actually surprised no one in the class knew how to use it already.

They all went through their presentations again, and though they are mostly still ranging from awful to average (with a couple of very good ones) we are going through it slowly and adding, improving and practicing and I’m hoping that they can feel that they are slowly improving over the course of the semester.

After that, I did the Thai Ghosts lesson with the Hospitality/Japanese grade 11s, and they were all quite interested and keen on it, though I was happy to acquiesce to their demand to finish off the work as homework so that we could all get out for lunch a little earlier.  I had to go to the bank, too and could sneak in an extra coffee at House whilst out.

So, after the morning disappeared in a flash, it was on to my grade 8s, where all they had to do was a 30-question online quiz based on the 6 texts they’d written and previously answered comprehension questions on.  I told them that they couldn’t finish until they got more than 75%.

I can remember writing about this last year and the fact that the lazy kids who forget their books are going to get caught out as they won’t have what they need to refer to.

This year, the class did much better, and it was really enjoyable helping those that are struggling with the English and showing them how to find the answers.  I could feel them getting all serious as it was starting to dawn on them that when they’ve just been copying answers before, they haven’t developed the skills to find them for themselves.

I directed them through their books, giving them clues on where and how to find the answers, and they were all quite proud of themselves by the end.  It made us all happy.

Once home, I’ve just sat in front of the TV trying to unwind.  I’m tired but not sleepy yet.  As I’m writing this, though, I’m reminded of just what a good day it has been.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding old videos of Ipswich Town from the 70s and 80s on YouTube and feeling all nostalgic about those days of watching football on TV with a picture quality worse than 360p.  

It’s interesting to read some of the comments of others who were around at that time too and how much respect Ipswich got for their achievements, even from fans of other teams.

The best thing about today was:

Pretty much as written above.  Very enjoyable.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my last class my student Ten has finally fallen out of favour with almost everyone after his closest friends have deserted himself, realising that he just treats them like shit.  They talked with me about him today, and they are struggling with it because they try to help him and encourage him, but Ten gives nothing back.

I can see clearly that he is compensating for his lack of ability to learn and develop social skills, and I can also see that my behaviour at times would have been similar.

He sulked around the classroom, not really attempting the work, and I decided to let him stay that way while I was helping others.  I asked him a few times to get started, but he just slouched off elsewhere until I found him again staring into space.

Finally, I translated for him, ‘Pick yourself up.  Look at how hard students like Nut and Namsai are trying to understand.  You can do this too.’

After about 80% of the students had finished and I started letting them go, I found Ten in the next classroom with Ploy, KanomBang and Namsai helping him, showing him what I had just shown them.  I joined in, and we all encouraged him, and by the en,d he managed to pass and felt a little better about himself.

He’s learning some big lessons right now, and it will take him a while to recover.  It will be interesting to watch.

Something I learned today?

Kru David told me that Thailand ranks something like 140th in the world for education.  I joked that there are not many more than 140 countries!  It’s sad for these kids but good for me.  I’m trying my best, and I have my own expectations, but in general, the expectations of the school won’t be that high.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

As last week, I dropped into Kru David’s least favourite class to teach (but with some of my favourite kids) and helped Nicha and Fah to try to get to grips with what was trying to be taught, which was alliteration in poetry.  They both looked perplexed and wanted to give up but were happy to let me try and explain to them so that they could at least get something from it.

Whilst I was writing something to help Nicha, she was playful and brought her eyeball up to mine and then her nose to mine and laughed and said to Fah something along the lines of ‘I almost kissed the teacher!’  I ignored it and brought her back to the writing, but it was a little weird, I guess.

I have no problem being mildly affectionate with my students in a fatherly way and Nicha could still pass for a primary student as she is so small, skinny and still a little immature in her behaviour.  But afterwards, I was thinking how I would react if she had pecked me on the lips!

I know some of these kids are testing things with me because they feel comfortable and safe to do so, but there is also a line that has to be drawn.

Anyway, Nicha and Fah went to Kru David with the bare amount of understanding but at least now had the confidence to do so, instead of running out of the class as they had been doing in past weeks.

Day 7

In The Woods – 12th July 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

The trees are listening, they hear your tears
Wept on your journies through a thousand fears
The fight never-ending, til its bitterness arrives
Waiting in the woods, a world no one survives

2nd Apr 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge

The cosmic fate of humanity is somewhat mysterious, but we should act ‘as if’ what we do matters. This belief will then become a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading to a good life.

Jules Evans paraphrasing Roosevelt

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have little Kim come and sleep on me and next to me last night along with Cap sleeping next to my pillow. I’m not sure what brought on Kim’s sudden affection. She seems very happy.

Though he was very small, he did what he was told – 3rd January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Jimmy talked to me today and told me he had complaints from parents about me hugging the kids. I got a little defensive, unfortunately, as to me, it’s not a big deal. But I need to understand how the kids might feel if they are influenced by this culture and their parent’s understanding.

(Later) Fuck me, these kids drive me crazy. Fucking annoying obnoxious little brats.

What am I doing here? I feel like I’m wasting my time trying to teach them anything. Fuck – it was a bad day.

I felt a little better after looking at what I have prepared for them next week. I don’t know if things will go well enough but at least it has a little more structure than today. I need to try and concentrate on the ones who want to learn and ignore all the others.

I wish I could explain to the parents that their children (the ones who want to learn) are constantly held back by the rest of the class. I don’t know how much they would care. It’s a pointless thought anyway because it will never happen. So – I have to keep myself happy somehow and fuck everything else.

It’s not really contenting so I hope Amy and I can work out a way to get out of this position by developing our own classes – something that is somewhat fraught with danger due to work conditions.

Gratitude Journal

What a sunrise this morning. I am so happy and grateful to be able to view this every morning.

From commonplace book

…these fragments of musical expressions good as some of them were, stuck me as unpleasant because they were entirely unexpected and unprepared for. Gaiety, sadness, despair, tenderness, triumph burst upon the ear without any justification, just like the emotions of a madman. And, as with a madman, these emotions vanished just as unexpectedly.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, pg 789

To-do list

  • Compliment everybody. ½
  • What you read – read deeply.
  • Write back to Lachlan. ✅
  • Write to Kieran – anyone else?
  • Look for nice things to do for others.
  • Smile a lot – do not complain.
  • Get books from Mohan.

I started today well by complimenting the teacher on gate duty. My first class went well too despite my initial worries.

Things got derailed from there though as Jimmy talked to me that a parent had called to complain that their daughter cried at home because I hugged her. Jimmy said not to touch the students or he didn’t know what would happen.

I put forward my case that it is my style and though I understood what he was saying that it could happen again. I know the benefit of hugs and haven’t come across any signs from the students that they are upset by it.

I tried to stay as neutral as I could but was infuriated, not listening or choosing to misunderstand me. I got annoyed when it looked to me as if he was pretending to take a phone call and just started talking to his phone, cutting off what I was saying.

I did notice myself quickly trying to think about the content of what he said and despite being a bit miffed I thought that I have to accept this if I want to stay working.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t keep it out of my mind and as I thought more I thought perhaps that no students had actually complained but that he (or another teacher) had made the complaint. This certainly made more sense in the context of the conversation as Jimmy was quite vague and evasive.

Still – there is the message that they want to give me either way.

I wrote out a few different thoughts and ideas and my approach at the moment is to push more to teaching students at home – no boss, no stupid systems to follow and kids actually interested to learn more. Teaching at home comes it’s own predicaments as it’s technically illegal without a work permit and I could get thrown out of the country. This left me anxious somewhat and unsure of which way to turn.

My thinking right now is to teach until the end of the semester and see where things are at. I feel like I have to be like a robot more now – which I think is what they want. Good little automatons that can be used when required.

My patience was tested and broke in my last class and that was quite upsetting but I have thought of a strategy to attempt to stop it from happening again. Let’s just hope it is acceptable.

I’m still thinking about all this so it’s not clear from my mind yet. I have the weekend to adjust.

*Where you be? – 12th June 1998

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Email to TLJ

S: TLJ
I offer you my unending affection and undying love – so where you be? Why you no call? Why you no mail?
I be missing you muchly. I want to talk to you (always). Can you visit tonight? Tomorrow night, sat morn, mon pm?
How are your new sunnies?
Come wash my dishes again so I can pull yr pants down.
Thank you for your cleaning last night – I had a great time in your company. Let’s read a play.
Shaun

T: don’t you read email. i just sent you two (make that three).
tlj

S: As the Del-Emmas say – ‘Yeah-yeah’!