Tag: age
Listen to the old man talk
Cold Comforts – 9th February 2025
There are lookers and there are seers
And those blinkered of the mind
Some are do-ers whilst others are be-ers
Finally, those who choose to be blind
Some see magic within the leafless tree
Finding comfort in familiar concrete
As cold and unforgiving as they may be
Rainbows bloom all along the street
Some days, the sees will turn to looks
The busyness of time puts on the blinkers
Turning towards the turning page of books
The seers become the thinkers
The wanderlust begs the wonder lost
Learning is the unlearning to see
Expanding knowledge comes at a cost
Soon blindness becomes the reality
Inspired by writing at this post on the Spinning Visions blog and contemplating how we lose our sense of wonder as we age and become wiser, or at least, more filled with knowledge.
7th Nov 2025 – Shared with W3 – comfort – not quite to the prompt but adjacent at least.
Suddenly, Time Passes – 28th June 2024
A sip on a brandy to warm before bed
All the weekly beers still kept in the shed
Put on another log to keep the fire burning
The grandfather clock chimes our time turning
Another Sunday roast, all sat at the table
A quiet word for all being so grateful
Once were children running around playful
Suddenly, time passes and no longer able
Inspired by Existential Comics 249 and my own formative years living at my grandparents’ house.
Today I’m feeling:
Great (once I got to school). I skipped exercise this morning and opted for an extra 30 minutes of rest.
Most of this week I’ve been waking up a little before my alarm but today was a sudden jolt and I took the lazy option. I know that I could’ve pushed through but thought that tonight I would not be able to relax so much as friends and family will be over to celebrate Amy’s birthday.
Once at school, there was a very good feeling as students prepared for Teacher’s Day to pay respect to us (though us farang teachers are not particularly included).
Baipad was back at school and happily showed me all the videos that she had taken at Chiang Mai Zoo. When I commented that she wasn’t in any videos or pictures she said that she didn’t like having her picture taken. I was like that too at her age but wish that I had more photos of myself from then.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the well wishes that I got from students throughout today, for Teachers Day.
The best thing about today was:
Dutchie asked me if he could call me P’Shaun instead of Kru Shaun. I didn’t think much about it at the time and said to call me anything except Lung Shaun!
P’ indicates something along the lines of older brother whilst Lung is uncle (usually associated with being old).
I wonder what their thinking is behind wanting to call me this but I’m taking it as a positive, that the kids feel that I am more a brother than a teacher.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
We had a nice big party that Amy told me she finished at 3.30 am. I crashed at around 11 pm I think, after having my first alcohol of the year, opening the Glenfiddich that Amy bought for me last year. The party meant I didn’t do any writing until now (Saturday morning) sitting at Utopia.
Something I learned today?
Bruno talked with Takky about applying for a bachelor’s at MFU. I wonder if he will follow through.
What is my favourite time of day?
My favourite time of day is usually the one that I’m in.
I try to make the best of whatever the situation may be. Getting up early for school or to travel, staying up late to read or watch something interesting. Stinking hot in the classroom or in an air-conned room.
Day or night, it’s all alright.
Family And Friends – 17th March 2024
You may choose your friends
Come and go as depends
One starts, another ends
– Everything you could wish for
Family is a tricky game
Bonded purely by a name
Changing yet always the same
– So frustrating to deal with
Sometimes they comfort bring
Without saying anything
Soothing any dreadful sting
– Family and friends
Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge at RonovanWrites
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty flat and tired. Less dizzy than yesterday and my brain seems to be functioning reasonably well but I’m lacking energy and motivation.
Today I’m grateful for:
Two awesome coffees this morning where Nick was manning Utopia in Art and Noey’s absence.
The best thing about today was:
Watching the Swans beat Collingwood at the MCG (played on Friday) cheered me up, followed by watching the highlights of Ipswich beating Sheffield Wednesday 6-0.
As I was watching the AFL and thinking about how long I have followed certain sports teams and seeing how young they are, I was reminded of the time when I was the same age as the players and thinking I could’ve done that and that is 35 years ago now. Players have come and gone but the team maintains. How long will sports last into the future?
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’m not feeling particularly hungry today so I only ate some snacks but did finish off the chocolate almonds.
Something I learned today?
In the UK, the Tories have let slip their true intentions for Gaza: they want Israel’s genocide to continue for as long as possible and they are worried about peace because the genocide is hurting Labour in the polls.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I did so little today and of no real consequence but I did accidentally trap Tigger’s tail in the door and he was understandably upset. I hope he’s ok. I saw him outside later but wasn’t able to check.
With Art and Word – 6th March 2024
With revolutionary thinking
We will knock down the wall
Of the Kool-Aid drinking
Prisoners in it’s thrall
Rise up from your slumber
Take up your arms
You are many in number
Hearing the alarms
Battle with art and word
Against the unfairness absurd
Submitted to dVerse – Slumber
7th May 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty positive though my shoulder is giving me some gip. Something isn’t right in there and I can’t stretch or roll it out. I’ve done very little arm exercising for the last couple of months and may just try and push through the pain to get back to it.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy and everything she does to make our house a home. I don’t want to take her for granted.
The best thing about today was:
My grade 10s not turning up for class allowing me time to organise another classes’ worksheets, staple them together and gift them back to the students. I felt good doing that, even if they just throw their work away. At least I made the effort to present their work back to them at the end of the semester.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I lost my cool with Amy when she got overexuberant whilst drunk. She was in a good mood and playful but I was tired and eating and when I didn’t know what she was doing as she tried to put her fingers in my mouth I pushed her arm away. Unfortunately that then set her off and blew up into a fight. Now we are both in a bad mood.
I will try to make her feel better but also just feel like going to bed and sleeping already. I don’t have much patience for drunken antics these days, I’m old and tired when it comes to that. It doesn’t fill me with excitement anymore.
Something I learned today?
2024 marks a special year for cicadas in the USA. It is the first time since 1803 that two specific broods of cicadas (one that emerges every 13 years, and one that emerges every 17) should be emerging together. This co-emergence won’t happen again for another 221 years.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
My vile deed was pushing Amy’s arm away and initiating a tiff. I should have been (even) more patient or be more assertive in a different manner.
I bought some cream chup-a-chups to give to my grade 9 students for their graduation ceremony tomorrow.
Personal Growth Junkie – 27th October 2023
Always found in the self-help section
4000 hours to find perfection
Never enough time to exercise the mind
Because excuses are easier to find
Join the green tea and chai latté set
Have you tried the ice baths yet?
Tried everything but it’s never enough
Taking deeper breaths than Wim Hof
Personal growth junkie experimenting
A life lived always just implementing
Tried until all the rules were set
Died before all the goals were met
Title borrowed from a Spinning Visions blog post though otherwise unrelated
Today I’m feeling:
Flat but at a reasonably happy level. I’m not particularly thrilled about being back in my room as I feel a little kicked out of my own house. But I will adjust. I’ve thrown out a lot of stuff that I haven’t touched for the last two years so now the room is clean and more spacious, Amy allowing my bookshelves to remain in the living room for now.
Today I’m grateful for:
The staff at Mana Mala for making my mala soup, especially for me, even admitting they made a mistake the first time and even though I had to wait I appreciated their effort.
Also grateful to those who wished me a happy birthday today – Hayden, Bronwyn, Amy (duh!), Aunwar, Porpieng, Baitong (today is her birthday too), Momo, Fah and another student who I’m not sure who they are!
The best thing about today was:
Going back to school again, not having anything to do, so enjoyed a coffee at House whilst reading and writing, then a second coffee at Utopia.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This afternoon I had just finished tinkering around with some bits and pieces in my room and lay down to read when Amy called from inside the house asking me to come and help her. I complained that I’d just lay down but came anyway and she promised not to ask me to do anything else all weekend to which I laughed as we both know that she will. I handled it with grace and humour and now I hope to read (though I can hear the neighbour’s kids coming to play….hopefully Amy sends them away!)
Something I learned today?
I learned that next week the students will have activities so no teaching just yet. Gives me a little more time to get back into the swing of things again. I only did one lot of exercises this morning and whilst it pepped me up I was flagging by mid-afternoon. I’ll get back into it.
What is something I need to let go of?
Nothing. I embrace the good and the bad. I favour the good and acknowledge the bad. There are some emotions that I could let go of but they are just emotions. I can experience them without letting them have a negative impact.
Over time now I’m expecting to let go of my attachment to certain things. As I age, my belongings should necessarily dwindle until they and I no longer exist.
Ritual Of Panic – 6th February 2023
There’s no rest for the wicked
And no rest for those of virtue
Adrift in a world that never sleeps
The feeling of dread is gonna get you
Gasps of dismay at faint sleights
A skin now brittle and thin
This ritual of panic has become
The default state to be in
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed as no classes today but maybe too relaxed as I’m sleepy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The wide variety of food available especially on market days like today. I got some deep-fried fish with riceberry rice and chopped unripe mango covered with chilli fish sauce. My mouth is watering as I’m writing this!
The best thing about today was:
Sitting in House for 3 hours drinking coffee and adding blog entries, finishing off the old diary with my gig list.
Tomorrow I start adding 1983 entries and consider figuring out other gigs I went to after 1992 which is when I stopped writing them down.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Nothing has needed to be completely in my control today. It has passed by reasonably uneventfully!
Something I learned today?
The French live 6 years longer than Americans on average and work fewer hours and produce one-third more than the British. I’m not sure how this was calculated, or even true, but I’m siding with the French against my own birthplace!
What do you think gets better with age?
I’m going to treat this as what gets better as I age and that is wisdom. As it should. There’s something wrong if you are not getting wiser.
The weekend disappeared in some kind of rush of nothing in particular.
Domestication took over as I cleaned up around the house as Aing and Now arrived on Sunday morning and I should at least make everything presentable somehow.
And the biggest chore at the moment is watering the garden daily as it is so dry.
Amazing how quickly months and months of rain can disappear even in winter.
I happily received a nice online order with the release of the Ad Interim album and anticipating another release from a cool band from Istanbul that approached me recently.
And, in my endless search for interesting music, I found a band called Focusrights whom I felt immediately compelled to contact though they weren’t able to commit to anything.
I still get off on the feeling of discovery of music that gets my heart pumping.
Here Come The Good Times – 4th January 2022
Shuffling through the bodegas
Listening to all the chatter
Words of many are mundane
Though convinced they really matter
Seeking that perfect sandwich
Waiting in endless lines
Everyone is saying it now
Here come the good times
Lots of people suffer so much that perhaps they would have died of sorrow if they couldn’t dream something nice in between all the sadnesses.
Ceclia, Through a Glass Darkly by Jostein Gaarder
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that all the kids are back at school today. Hopefully until the end of the semester.
Two full-on classes as a welcome back this morning. As I was teaching in the second, I looked at the students, they were not really concentrating and full of beans but I only wanted them to do some writing, so once they had finished, it was difficult for them to maintain any concentration. Rather than try to push them to remain quiet, I walked with a few of them one-to-one instead and found that they could understand the work well enough.
Now I’m in the cafe and reading about the idea of longsight. I have to remember this when in class. Think about longsight for those kids and the bigger picture. I can only push them so far before they explode.
Dylan tested positive with an ATK yesterday and is at hospital getting a PCR test this morning. Covid creeps ever closer.
What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?
I don’t think anyone ever told me what to expect. I grew up in my teenage years around my mother and her parents and to my young self I could never imagine being their age and likewise I could never imagine them being my age.
I had gone to Australia and was away from my mother as she went from middle to old age, so I was only ever exposed to that on infrequent visits.
I am perhaps surprised at myself for not feeling old, not feeling what old people looked like. My mother had told me she felt like this too – even as she was in old age. She cursed her fading body but was proud to have kept her marbles.
So it’s surprising to me that I seem to be finding time to improve my fitness, perhaps a little too late but it makes me feel better anyway. I thought that I would keep on drinking my nights away but now don’t find the pleasure anymore. This may be typical for many older people but for me it was unexpected. I’m grateful I’m not so bloody-minded to keep pushing my liver to extremes like I was 18 or 30 again.
Mica Friction – 30th December 2021
A bowling ball
Heading toward the pins
A 7-10 split
Let’s see who wins
Internal asymmetrical block
Influencing spins
Dry board mica friction
Analysed, winner grins
We got some blowback afterwards, but so what? We won.
Brad Blakeman, Republican operative
28 Sep 2022 – Most quotes I find are affirmations of a sort, but this one is a reminder of how corrupt people can be, doing anything to win.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the cat massage Kim gave me this morning when I went to see her in her room. Then we rubbed noses and cuddled until she got distracted and ran off.
A busy time coming up and my head is full of things. Good things though. Not feeling stressed about anything except for maybe overloading myself with too much. Nothing serious though – I just have so much I want to do in a day and it doesn’t really matter if I don’t get to do them.
I went to Central to look for a diary but couldn’t find anything suitable, so opeted to get another notebooks that I didn’t really need but felt compelled to buy after having made the effort to go there.
The omicron covid variant is dirsupting Amy’s thoughts about travelling and may change her plans. I think if she doesn’t go in January then she won’t be able to go until after my next visa is completed. I think she’ll make a decision in the next couple of weeks, carefully watching the numbers and decisions Australia makes about travel.
I’m about to rush back to school for a quick meeting with some selected grade 8 students to do some extra work on producing TED-Ed presentations in the future. Let’s see how it goes. I will go sit in the school cafe later and write some more. Right now – let’s see if I can spit outa poem for today!
Back again. Met with the students. It is painfully obvious the difference between those in M2/9 and those in M2/10 and M2/11. Those in M2/9 have confidence and feel that they can do things. The others – not so much but I really hope they don’t quit out of fear of failure. It’s a great opportunity for them to learn and grow, work with new students and make new friends.
I know sometimes, when I was that age, I would just give up. I know how they must feel. I also know that I would have benefited by changing my mindset and giving it a go. I’ll try my best to keep encouraging them.
I had hoped that Champ would be here to help reassure them and kicking myself a little by not explaining things clearly enough. Hindsight. That’s why I sent out a message of encouragement with a Thai translation. I hope I can keep up the momentum I’m feeling and don’t get dragged down by the setbacks.
What is difficult about being your age?
I’m half-jokingly thinking to myself that it sucks that I have the confidence (and lack of caring about the outcome) to talk to anyone now. Especially to pretty girls. Why I couldn’t do it when I was younger is annoying to think about! But it’s not really a difficulty of my current age.
The only thing that really sticks out is the obvious one of aching body parts. Constant sore neck, tender shoulder blades, sore wrists, and painful left foot. As I never really exercised much when I was younger, my muscles have all learned bad habits that may be difficult to reverse now. As with my initial thoughts, perhaps all I’m really feeling is regret – something that I consciously try to avoid or not consider.
At whatever age we are, we probably all want to be 5 years old again, without many a care in the world. So perhaps that is what is difficult – the inability to be a 5-year-old. Seeing things with a greater sense of wonder. It seems to require a greater effort to achieve that as you age.
I am a serious person these days. I’m happy like that. I can’t not care about things, so sometimes that is a little difficult to accept.
Milan Said – 29th December 2021
No one possesses the truth
But everyone has the right to be understood
We wander our imaginary paradise
Where our belief is in everything good
Love and life sometimes prove
That our truths are often out of time
Things are not as simple as they seem
And I’ve read this many a time
Mangled from a Milan Kundera quote
The people with the most potential are the ones who know they have a lot to learn.
Adam Grant
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for taking the time yesterday to do 15,000 steps yesterday. My hips and legs, ankles and feet are feeling it this morning!
I feel an urge to go buy some cheap diaries. Austin Kleon, inspiring yet again, writes a quote he enjoys each day into one of his diaries. I guess I’ve been doing something similar already, with writing a poem each day and often directly quoting things I read. Still, I have the urge to buy more cool things to write on! A trip to B2S tomorrow!
Leaving school yesterday, there was an accident on the bridge over the river, which, of course, messed everything up, traffic-wise. I got to enjoy listening to the No Means No Thing podcast for a bit longer so that was a bonus. I got to Bruno’s late and we shot off to the same walking track as last week and walked around until the sun set and the blur lights of Bangkok Hospital shone out in the distance, below the hills.
I can tell Bruno is thinking about things quite deeply as he comes up with quite philosophical questions, connected with our places and our time in life. An enjoyable exercise to press mind and body (him with a fractured foot no less!) and breathe deep the cleaner air around the quiet areas of woods, fields and water. Even saw a squirrel – my first in Thailand!
I ended up walking 15,000 steps and today my feet, hips and calves are feeling it. I thought I would sleep well after that walk but I got back to thinking about new cool things to do with the students until I remembered one of the articles I read about putting noisy thoughts on a TV in another room and just letting them chatter away in there instead. It ended up working though I woke up again before my alarm clock and spent a while tossing and turning, hoping to get back into a deep sleep again. I briefly contemplated not getting up with my alarm but pushed through and as soon as I stood in the bathroom, despite the aching body, I felt pretty great.
Oh – Bruno said to me something that surprised me. He said he thought I was a good listener. I don’t really consider myself to be but I think he meant more in the context that I try not to judge and try to consider what people say and don’t just jump in and say something is right or wrong. I hope I do that, so it was nice to hear that from someone. I have tried to make an effort to speak less and listen more when possible.
What do you like about being your age?
I sure like the wisdom that comes with age. My definition of wisdom, of course. With experience comes learning. It’s kinda weird to consider that as a teenager, people thought that I was mature but I think that mostly manifested on the outside. The inside was a troubled little boy searching for a happiness that didn’t seem to exist, jealous of those immature on the outside yet happy inside.
I chose not to fit in because it bored me. I made life difficult for myself but now that those difficulties have passed, I have learned so much about myself.
I don’t usually think about my age when I think about myself. I guess when you discover someone’s age, you can find a convenient box that you can expect them to be in. I guess many people feel the same about themselves – that their age doesn’t put them in any box.
It seems to me, though, that I don’t act as if I’m 54 years old, as people think I am much younger. Just like other people I know who are younger than me appear to act much older. I put that down to the expected norms of age to close-mindedness, perhaps contentment and an attitude of not having anything else to learn. My mind is still open.
Although I seemingly have strong opinions, I am not so confident in them that they can’t be changed and that it’s ok if they do change after new experiences. I think I don’t like or dislike my age. It’s out of my control.
1994ever 