Tag: ageing

This Poet Saves Lives – 23rd February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 25 Comments

This poem saves lives
Drawing down the heavens
When without inspiration
All at sixes and sevens

This painting saves lives
Painted with blood and muck
When without inspiration
And the world seems to suck

This song saves lives
Proffered just as it was
Inspired by the chorus
And sung loud just because

These words save lives
In these perilous times
And inspiration found
Reading between the lines

Inspired (unironically) by The Red Hand Files #274 – check it out for some wise words from old man Nick Cave.

Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge INSPIRATION
13th Sep 2024 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United – speak up or stay silent
3rd Nov 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – chorus

Today I’m feeling:

Under the weather again.  Last night I could feel a slight tickle and ache in my throat as I was about to sleep.  

I slept well though not enough and my alarm woke me up with a start to which I succumbed to another 30 minutes of snoozing, skipping exercise.  When I got up I could feel the oncoming sore throat, confirmed by blood in my nose.  

My mood was down a little too but it’s Friday so let’s go and get it done.

Today I’m grateful for:

Discovering that there is a holiday on Monday.  Yippee!

The best thing about today was:

A chilled vibe at school (see below) and spending about five hours at House, reading, lesson planning, blogging and writing.  What a job!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At the morning flag ceremony, I noticed that my grade 7 classes were less than half in attendance and discovered that they were attending some meeting about a field trip. OK….

When it came to class time there were only about ten students and they told me the rest were still in the meeting.

I went to find Kru Karn, their homeroom teacher who didn’t know anything about where they were.  I mentioned a field trip and she said ‘oh yes, there’s about 6 students going.’  I asked when it was and she thought that it was in the holiday.  ‘Hmm’, I said, ‘that’s weird because there are more than 6 students missing from the class?’

She came to my class and talked with one of the students and was surprised to find out herself that many of the student’s parents skipped the process of advising her about their children going on the trip and, more importantly, the trip starts on Monday and is for one week!

The communication here is so crazy – no one knows what’s going on.

I said ‘Well, I guess that’s it for teaching these kids this semester.’  Kru Karn agreed and advised to start doing their grading files.  And it leaves me with another day with no classes again already.

Something I learned today?

As I was wandering around Baipad’s class this morning, because my class was cancelled and Kru Ren wasn’t there, I learned that a couple of students are taking money from the lazy ones to complete their coursework for them.

It’s enterprising of the hard-working kids to make some spare cash but disappointing from a teacher’s perspective.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I offered Baipad to help her on Monday with all her catchup work.  Let’s see if she gets it together to actually wake up and do it.

I helped various students in their different classes today as my own classes being mostly free time for everyone.

Kru Fluke dropped in to visit.  I gave her a big smile and a hug, happy to see her again.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  20. Enjoy Small Things. I like clichés because they are true.

Over the last three or four years of self-improvement I’ve followed the Noticing Things blog (I forget the proper name), thought about gratitude every day (with a couple of exceptions) and been writing, journalling, blogging etc.  All of these combined have led me to enjoy the small things.

Partly due to this, I’m not often in the vicinity of big things and things that I once thought of as big seem comparatively small these days too (the circumstance of ageing).

One thing that I was doing more of last year or the year before was savouring moments.  I don’t often stop to remind myself to savour something now.  I should practice that again.

I took this picture last weekend when I was getting my haircut. HoiTod makes me miss little Kim so much, almost one year now since she’s gone. Sniffle.

Temptation – 27th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

Winds a-whispering such alluring tunes
over the sashaying hips of the golden dunes;
A devil tempts to caress sweet flesh,
to find soft lips to taste afresh.

The valleys first open to be explored,
the enchantment, too strong to be ignored;
A hopeless daydream, a critical situation
must be forgotten, not lost to temptation.

There, within, lies the road to destruction;
the unthinking mind, the unfeeling instruction.
Look beyond this beauty, stunning, unreal;
around each corner lies further appeal.

The holy grail is beyond where the fishes swim,
the welcoming waves beckon to dive within;
Surrounding forest and earth, both lightly scented,
this story, oft-repeated, that has been invented.

21st Nov 2025 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United #204

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and my muscles aching, the ones I barely use until I worked them out yesterday. Just 7 minutes and I’m in pain. I’m weak, I know, but I’ll give it a go. I remember all the talk about working out and taking care of your body during my years of abusing it instead. Is it too late to fix it? Well, who cares. I can’t go back so I’ll do what I can now. My aches are good aches. I know my pain, mental or physical, is good even if it sucks.

Today I’m grateful for:

The grass cutter we bought when we got here that annoys the fuck out of me as it is difficult to use, feels like it’s falling apart, hurts my hands with its violent vibrations, gives me blisters and the engine burns my skin. But I’m still grateful for it to be able to do a little bit of cutting whilst waiting for the gardeners to come and do the job properly.

The best thing about today was:

Having a burst of energy that saw me wash Amy’s doona which smelt of cat spray again. Vacuuming and cleaning parts of the floor. Do some grass-cutting and apply the tape to the guttering in the garage again as it failed to stop the leaks in this week’s rain. I like the feeling of this energy and hope it keeps perpetuating.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I almost lost my temper with the grass cutter and the body strap that supports it. In fact, I did at one point, throwing the cutter to the ground whilst it was still spinning. I think it needs a proper service and repair just to tighten things up. I use it so rarely that I forget to take it for repair and just get frustrated again when I use it! It probably needs a new blade too as I don’t have anything to sharpen it with. 

Something I learned today?

I watched a video that asked the question ‘Why make music when no one cares?’ For me and the legion who grew up on DIY punk, this question never needed to be asked and I find it ironic that it is a common question amongst modern music makers. I don’t think a self-respecting artist would make their art for any other reason than to please themselves. You are the only person that needs to care. If you are doing it for any other reason it is no longer art but just a product.

What challenges am I facing right now?

Health is my main challenge. It’s not something that I consider a major challenge like trying to ace an exam, move to a new country or such like, but more a fight against the ageing process. It is also a challenge that is just a regular fact of life. Any challenges are really self-imposed. For example, I want to improve my Thai and get better at guitar but they are not really game-changers if they fall by the way. I also challenge myself to improve in the classroom and sharing knowledge with my students.

Things like cancer, deep depression or debilitating grief would be real challenges and I’m not facing anything like that.

I took this picture because I saw this plant stem literally looking at me as I walked to the door of Utopia. Even looking at it now is kinda creepy and cool. Reminds me of the movie Labyrinth which I loved to watch whilst tripping in my 20s.

Projects – 7th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Put it together, pull it apart
A lesson is a work of art
Things to be responsible for
A world to discover more

Give them a wooden stick
Balanced on a broken brick
Trial and error, many a blunder
A world filled with natural wonder

Put in water, then dry it out
Let’s see what it’s all about
Neurons link, making able
A poem written at this table

People don’t take your power or make you invisible. You do that.

Andrea King Collier

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my positive attitude to helping the kids try new things, to grow and develop themselves.

Well, yesterday was excellent with the afternoon club going well despite Kartoon and Nampan’s reservations but I can feel that they are just lazy – it’s not that they aren’t capable.

I went home quite excited and upbeat though a little exhausted. I was expecting to have trouble falling asleep with thinking too much about what to do next with club and classes. However, after about 10 minutes I was out of it until my alarm went off at 6.20.

I joked with Amy that I had such a good day at school that it wouldn’t last and some nonsense would come along to knock me back down again but this morning was great too.

2/11 (grade 8) have been very good recently – I think starting to comprehend the class method, whilst perhaps not understanding all the English.

2/9 were reticent when they saw the work I wanted them to do today but they all settled down to it and I could clearly see them understanding and learning how to do my work. It made me feel very proud and I told them all how great they were doing.

One more class before the weekend – the dreaded 2/10, though even they have been showing signs of maturity lately, too.

It’s getting closer to Amy leaving now, though there is still a lot of doubt about whether it will actually happen, due to Covid. Could be a last minute decision.

How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?

I have become more comfortable with who I am as I’ve gotten older but I think that has only happened more recently.

Moving to Thailand 4 years ago forced a re-evaluation of my identity, much as it did when I lost my job (my big, expendable income) in 2013. The trying times I have had since then have been things that have tried to force me outside my identity and there was clearly a period for me last year, when I made the call to chat with Jochen, that I knew that I was part of a particular tribe that doesn’t exist where I am, as such. I’m fine with that, in that I don’t need to be close to my tribe, I know that I am still a part of it and can always find my way back, if necessary.

I do not identify with many people around me, though I can recognise them. My instinct is non-adaptive to a degree. I am friendly, kind and understanding but I don’t want to hang out and talk about your mundane shit.

When I was younger, this may have bothered me a little. Sometimes I thought I should do more to fit in, or I would wonder why people don’t like me. I’m comfortable enough with myself not to care what other people think of me. Like it’s said – it’s not my business.

I quite admire the odd eccentrics of yesteryear who maybe sat around philosophising in drawing rooms, with brandies, into the early hours, whilst normal people went about their normal lives. I’m not a part of that but I do romanticise it somewhat.

As I age further, will my identity modify further or will I become a narrow-minded fuddy-duddy? No matter, it’s not for me to say but I try to keep my mind open for all new experiences that may be offered or sought.

Dissolve – 5th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I dissolved myself into nothingness
Reverse engineered my being
Back to the womb, the sperm met egg
A cluster of molecules
Formed by random atoms
I saw my place in the infinite
My space and time, nothing
Dissolved

We’re all born listeners, so try to adapt a child-like listening mode, set aside expectations and really just be there.

Gordon Hempton, On Listening

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the chickens that laid these two eggs I’m eating, the farmer that collected them, the drivers that drove them and the shop that sold them.

Having free time in the morning, I clocked in and headed to House to read and relax. As I was talking to Fui, I got a couple of LINE messages that I was supposed to be covering Dylan’s class. An indirect message had been sent at 8.31 that I hadn’t seen – it was now 9.10.

Anyway I rushed back, a little flustered and had a great class with M1/6 (grade 7) – it was actually better that it was rushed. We got down quickly and it was fun.

In my head I’ve been thinking about what to say if anyone asks me why I wasn’t at school but the more I think about it (and thankfully I’ve had time to think about it) I should just say nothing. No need to be defensive or to make excuses.

I’m in Le Paradis right now, not risking going out again! As I was sitting here, 3 grade 8 students came in. They are not in my classes but have been chatting with me whenever they see me. They are upbeat and positive and I like to put in the effort to talk with them. We communicated through our poor second language skills and translation and I could feel tired trying to communicate in a second language, just as my students must feel in my classes sometimes.

It’s worthwhile to connect with them though. Give them a confidence booster and me a little conversation practice.

What has ageing given you? Taken away?

Easy answer: Wisdom/youth.

Ageing has also given me more of an insight into how short our time is. The things I think I will enjoy, because I enjoyed when I was younger, do not always correlate with how I feel now. Is that something that has been taken away?

It’s also given me a better understanding of all the old people in my life, or the people who seemed so far away old. I was just contemplating this morning that it is over 30 years ago that my grandparents passed. And my cousins, Sharon and Ken are around the age my grandparents were when I first went to live with them. These times feel so short, so fast.

Hayden is 25. It’s strange to see him in a grown-up body. My picture of him is still as a two-year-old.

As many have often thought, age brings confidence and wisdom to talk with the opposite sex but now we’re too old to take advantage of this knowledge with the members of the opposite sex as we would like. Not without being creepy anyway.