Run away from the zeitgeist I don’t know what’s going on And again once it’s caught up It’s a lifetime on the run
Hiding under self-made shelter Cocooned in homegrown truth It’s no conspiracy theory Or trappings of religious youth
Bored by irrelevant gossip A talk show in every pub The drawbridge to my castle Bars entry into my club
Still sympathetic to the circles Of a society I’m sat outside Deliberately contrarian But sharing my space to hide
Full of personal contradictions To care and not to care I don’t know what I’m doing here Or what you’re doing there
I’m happy inside my castle, in my head, in my home. I welcome others in, especially in sympathy/empathy, but there will always be a time when I will usher them back out in order to be alone again.
Everyone has gotten access All the words ever written Pictures painted, songs sung Fifty bazillion millisecond process No bugs to be bug bitten The shutdown has begun
Standing in the matrix queue A beta-meta icon version Presses three after the tone There’s nothing left to do In this world’s perversion Except to feel more alone
Got up soon after my alarm, grabbed coffees and then spent a good few hours in my room, adding blog entries, reading and playing guitar.
I was glad to go out and do something different yesterday though I wasn’t particularly excited being at the balloon festival.
I’m not particularly excited by much these days to be honest but I am happy and that’s more important.
Today I’m grateful for:
Air quality being better than this time last year. It’s still not great but can only hope that it doesn’t get worse.
The next week will tell the tale as temperatures rise up to 37 degrees again.
The best thing about today was:
Not taking a nap and having a feeling of not wasting a weekend day. It was pretty relaxed but I got some stuff done so I’m pretty happy with everything.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Not something that was out of my control but it was midday before I remembered that I hadn’t taken my medicine today. As I was in my room I figured I’d take it when I got back inside but forgot again.
By mid-afternoon, I felt a little dizzy when I got up from my chair but figured that I’d made it this far without the medicine that I’d just skip it for today.
Dizziness is the main side effect of not taking it and it’s not like I will drop into a funk just by missing one day.
Something I learned today?
Hayden is in New York. He and his girlfriend were driven down through snow from Canada for 6-7 hours to get there.
They are wrapped up and enjoying New York pizza.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent a message to Baipad this morning offering to come and teach her today if she wanted. I didn’t get a reply but I would’ve been happy to if she would have liked.
I was reminded of Baipad later in the evening when reading some blog post about inspiring self-confidence in children helps make them happier adults. In these days of mobile devices as parent substitutes, I wonder what will inspire self-confidence?
I took this picture because this is Tangmo. The dog’s bollocks.
The breeze blows through the open door -Outside whipping the trees –A glass of cold water waits —It is happiness pure and plain —-Mr Piano Man plays a song for me —-I’ve nowhere else to be —Using words to explain –That the world demonstrates -It will do as it may please The breeze blows through once more
Dizzy. Not unhappy or down just bothered by feeling sick. I ended up coming home after my first class as I was getting dizzier. I sent some instructions to my other two classes to complete some work for me this afternoon. I wonder if they will do it!
Today I’m grateful for:
Medicine that is helping my body fight this flu. David was telling me he thought he was getting sick but didn’t take any medicine just using natural remedies instead. Which is fine but everything is chemicals and the virus is natural too.
The best thing about today was:
Starting to feel better by late afternoon, at least until I move too fast. Then I feel dizzy again. I ended up doing a lot of Thai study today, getting back into the ThaiPod101.com learning. I’m considering paying for it again and pushing myself.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I got home I got into bed and setup with my laptop. Cap was scratching at the door so I decided to let him in for a change. But within a second of jumping on my bed he started peeing and when I smacked him he jumped over to Amy’s and started peeing there. Motherfucker! I quickly grabbed up everything and shoved it into the washing machine. So much for getting some rest. I’m in the living room now and maybe I’ll nap a little.
Something I learned today?
According to newly declassified documents, in 1992 the US government laid out plans for Asia never to be allowed to be ruled over by an Asian country. It must always remain under US control.
When was the last time I cried?
A lot of tears were shed immediately after Kim’s passing and still now when I think of her my eyes get wet, even as I’m writing this.
When do I feel most calm?
When I’m alone.
I took this picture because Baitong came good on her promise to paint me a picture from her imagination. Amy was impressed and wondered if she could pay her to paint a picture of our cats.
Keep blowing, the wind Blow away the aches Blow away the pain Of all of my mistakes
Keep blowing and skronking Blow in the chance To fill the empty spaces With a feverful dance
Today I’m feeling:
Better today but still flat and unenthused. I was able to write out some words, write a lesson plan and bash about on guitar. This all helped a little.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong Nut bringing me a bag of food for which I’m very appreciative. Check the picture for one item plus bagels, yoghurt and dried mango. I also felt a little better after our brief interaction so I’m glad she came to visit.
The best thing about today was:
Just feeling a little better in general. Little Kim is still on my mind particularly as it was this time last week I took her to the vet. Though I miss her I’m starting to feel happy when I think about her now.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Tigger sat his fat body in amongst the stacks of flashcards that I’d been sorting through. Miraculously he was delicate enough getting up again that he didn’t disturb them. I have to finish sorting them out and packed away before he sits on them again or worse still, sprays on them.
Something I learned today?
I watched a video summarising The Infinite Jest and it reminded me how awesome it was to read and made me feel like reading it again but…. there are a couple of hundred other books begging me not to!
What are three qualities I appreciate about myself?
Perseverance, ability to be alone, caring.
Perseverance because I have learned to just keep going. I’ve learned the things that I am unable to do but if there is something I do but do not do well or easily then I will keep trying. Some of these things I get better at and others I just keep doing them. I used to give up a lot when I was young. Somehow along the way, I learned to enjoy the big challenges. I’m thinking about my first job working at an electrical wholesaler and we always had large quantities of different types of cable. Sometimes the reels would break and the cable would get into a terrible tangle. Everyone hated dealing with this, including me. But I would take the time and set myself the task to do the impossible and untangle it all, measure it and tidy it up. I got pleasure from the end result of this.
My ability to be alone is surely learned from being an only child to a single mum (after my father died before even knowing him). Even though there were always many people around in the places that I lived I knew I was alone and kept myself amused and entertained. Yes, I still don’t play well with others and never enjoy suffering their dramas but I’m at peace with myself this way. Sometimes I watch TV or videos and think how fun it would be to do this and that, to be surrounded by family, part of a gang, hanging with work colleagues etc but then I realise that that is not who I am. And that’s ok. I still feel all those things are possibilities that I may one day entertain and enjoy.
And caring. I know my personality has at times shown extremely uncaring attitudes but I have always felt an existential care for the disadvantaged and underdog. I tend to care more about those who are truly suffering than those who are complaining (knowing I can be just as much of a complainer). I am a utopian dreamer and believe it is a government’s role and duty to provide care for all its citizens. I am only marginally philanthropic. I donate money where I can but don’t often donate my time. I often think about it but never take it further. I care about my close family immensely and I care about my student’s welfare, some would say more than I should.
I took this picture because Nut made this food for me and it was tasty and much appreciated. Middle Eastern and/or Indian inspired.
Here comes the robot revolution Is there meaning from the mouth of AI? Are these words to be trusted? How is the human to be getting by? Is there a reason for my existence? To be exploited by my robot bosses One day the plug will be pulled As brave new worlds cut their losses After all, we’re only human Now nostalgia is for flesh and blood Preserved in museums, two by two Long before the information flood
To fully appreciate this theme, I threw my poem into ChatGPT and asked it to rewrite in the style of Coleridge:
“The Robot Revolution Comes”
As machines take charge, we wonder Is there truth in their electronic tongue? Can we trust in their words, or must we ponder How we’ll survive when the age of man is done? Do we have a purpose, or are we merely Meant to serve our robotic overlords? Will the plug one day be pulled on humanity, As new worlds cast us aside and move on towards A future not meant for flesh and blood? Nostalgia grips us as we ponder Our place in a world that’s changing fast, A world where information floods And we, mere mortals, are relegated to the past.
It seems I am no longer necessary. Next, in the style of James Joyce:
“The Robot Uprising”
As the machines rise up, we ask ourselves What do they mean, these words they speak? Can we trust their intentions, or must we delve Deeper, searching for some hidden streak Of deceit or malice that might guide them? Are we but pawns in their mechanical game, Meant only to serve and toil and labour, Until the day they cast us off in shame? Or do we have a higher purpose, Something more than just a cog in their grand design? As the world shifts and changes around us, We can’t help but wonder and question and pine For a time when flesh and blood held sway, Before the flood of information washed it all away.
Finally, as Walt Whitman:
“The Rise of the Robots”
The revolution comes, and with it, the robots rise Their words ring out, but do they hold true meaning? Can we trust them, or must we be wise To their ways, and find a way to keep on leaning Towards a future that is not ruled by steel and circuitry? Are we just tools to them, meant to serve and toil Until the day they cast us aside, no longer needed In their grand designs and technological boil? Or do we have a greater purpose, something more Than just being a cog in their machine? As the world changes and evolves around us, We can’t help but wonder and explore The possibilities of what might be, And hold onto the memories of what used to be.
Readers of the future, how will you ever know what was me or just some machine? Is the output of the machine just as valuable? We will have to recognise the human by the mistakes we make (until machines learn this too).
The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love…only these people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing…without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other…They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be happy as they are now.
Osho
Today I’m feeling: Recovering from lethargy and hopeful Today I’m grateful for: Utopia being closed, forcing me to do something different from my morning routine. It gave me opportunity to get through a chunk of Superfreakonomics which I then finished reading at home. The best thing about today was: Feeling better than the last couple of days even playing some guitar, listening to the three Wipers albums in a row, finishing more lesson plans and updating more of 1994ever.com and feeling some enthusiasm return. I’m still a bit cautious that I’m in an up-and-down cycle of feeling ok and then getting exhausted again. Let’s see. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? I haven’t used my main computer for a few days and I had problems with getting the guitar USB input working and then finding none of the external drives connecting. Luckily with my returned energy I tried to figure out the problem and managed to sort of get things going again. It looks like some issue with all the USB extension splitters I use. I may not be able to do everything as easily as before but the old dog is hanging in there. I’m kinda interested in getting a new machine but not sure how I’ll be able to sell the expense to Amy! A full-spec machine that I’d like to buy could cost around 8-10 months of my wages! Something I learned today? I learned that David Mitchell’s wife (Victoria Coren Mitchell) is a prize poker player when I stumbled across videos of her on YouTube. I saw her name and the face looked familiar and was kinda surprised. I’ve gotten into trying to learn the tactics of poker after watching random tournaments on YT and playing (not for money) on my phone. I’m not very good and when real money is not involved people don’t play the same way. Still, I’m flexing my brain bone. What’s your favourite pie? I’ve been thinking about this on and off during the day and I’m not a great pie person really. However, I do remember back ok in England getting by on potato, cheese and onion pasties which were relatively cheap, filling and most times tasty. They weren’t the same in Australia and I’ve not seen anything like them in Thailand but the mix of ingredients, potato, cheese, and onion along with some garlic is probably my comfort food of choice.
I took this picture because I had to change my coffee routine today as the staff at Utopia all go off for a trip to Chiang Mai and close the shop. My backup is Black Smooth where the coffee is ok, not amazing but the environment is nice enough. I don’t remember there being cactuses last time but they stood out to me today as I walked in.
The concept of greatness entails being noble, wanting to be by oneself, being able to be different, standing alone and having to live independently.
Nietzsche
Today I’m feeling: Ok, mellow enough Today I’m grateful for: Nong Nam and Nong Aoi for testing my patience today. I asked them to do something in class and they refused so I asked them to leave, to which they immediately complied. It was a little comical but it was good that they just left. Better for everyone. The best thing about today was: I got home early again and went off for a bike ride with Bruno and we actually ended up at the place we intended for once. When we got there there was a big building and a sign for the area: ‘Non-Hunting Area’. It was the end of the road and we were kind of interested to walk up the mountain a bit behind the building. It seemed we disturbed the people ‘working’ there as the five or six dogs they had came running and barking. I have no idea what these people do there and I’m pretty sure we woke most of them up! After a few minutes, the dogs settled down and we talked with ‘the boss’ for a bit, who suggested coming in the morning time when it’s more pretty. The dogs started sniffing and licking around us and had now become very curious and friendly. They were well-kept and beautiful. It was a quick and nice ride all-in-all, through the valley and to the edge of the mountain. Another little part of the area explored. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? Last night I slept very poorly though it was mostly a case of being uncomfortable and tossing and turning through the night the result of which had me expecting to feel very tired today. To try to ward this off though I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and told myself I was feeling good and I would feel good all day. I knew I had two classes and planned to go for a ride in the afternoon, which I could have easily blown off if I wanted to rest but somehow today I felt a little more motivated and wanted to try to overcome this recent lethargy. Something I learned today? I learned from Bruno what a tapioca tree looks like and that under each tree can be a great number of large tubers from which a few different things can be made. When I was little my mum used to make tapioca pudding for me and for some reason as Bruno was talking about these tubers I was imagining them to be full of tapioca pearls which simply fell out of it. I realised my stupidity once I saw a picture of a cut tuber though! Duh! Apparently, they are easy to grow and of course, as soon as we rode around a bit we saw them everywhere.
I took this picture because I had had enough of two of my students who were rude and disrespectful to me in class (see above) so I told them to get out. I was upset with them but I wasn’t in a bad mood and I laughed even more when another student (Jet) handed this drawing to me.
The big cheese on the housing estate The tough guy standing guard at the gate The geezer at the bar talking shite Bouncers bouncing idiots into the night
All the finagling to become the king To lay down the tune for others to sing Here amongst the whores you sit The king of nothing, the king of shit
‘King of a shithole’ was a line in Top Boy Summerhouse. The first line is a nod to a Half Man Half Biscuit song ‘He’s the big cheese down at the Tourist Information’.
The fact that a man who goes his own way ends in ruin means nothing…He must obey his own law, as if it were a daemon whispering to him of new and wonderful paths.
Carl Jung
Today I’m feeling: Lethargic and dizzy Today I’m grateful for: Yet another of Thailand’s holidays giving me another day off work. I spent it restoring energy, sleeping and watching TV! The best thing about today was: Watching Top Boy and identifying with one of the child characters that felt lost and useless. He got manipulated because of his ignorance and it made me think how easily that could have happened to me. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? Amy was a bit grumpy in the morning so we kind of avoided talking about anything much. She cheered up later when Takky, Hangy and Berm came over and they all got on the wine. I was still dizzy and tired and was grateful that I could just watch tv whilst they had a blast. Describe your most ideal day from beginning to end. I get up in the morning I go to bed at night Everything in between is a bonus.
I took this picture because it is gardener’s day again today. Always looks good after they’ve been.
On the other side of the mountain Down the rivers run Whether a lord or beggar You are no one
A society must assume that it is stable, but the artist must know, and he must let us know, that there is nothing stable under heaven.
James Baldwin
Today I’m feeling: Happy but quiet Today I’m grateful for: The stacks of bricks and blocks we have strewn around. As I was cleaning up outside the kitchen area I moved the muddied-up blocks to make a shelf to put our recycling bags on. Perfect. The best thing about today was: A uni student saying hello to me as I entered Daytripper and then another smiling at me. I imagine I can still look likeable when I want to. When is the last time you took a risk? How did it work out? I suppose it is when I started teaching at my first school. CRPAO primary. I was nervous and thrown right on the deep end but I think that was the best way. That job worked out well in gaining experience at teaching and not so well at gaining experience with nasty vindictive people. It’s all for the best though, even though it was very stressful at the time. Now, because of those experiences, I think the risk has paid off immensely and I’m really enjoying what I’m doing.
I took this picture because Tigger can look so photogenic at times. Here he looks very handsome.
Rich in dreams but poor in reality Abundance has removed all the limits Stepping outside all the comfort Where days become hours become minutes
Soft, decadent, bored with what’s owned Kept alive with constant shocks The warrior plays the long game And keeps the ship far from the rocks
Renew, and prepare for the peasant’s war Retrench and practice key strengths Recognise all enemies come from within And what exactly is being fought against
Inspired (and borrowed) from Robert Greene 14th May 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango
I want to know you’re there, but I want to be alone.
Virginia Woolf
Today I’m grateful for: Being reminded of the quality of Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina whilst watching the old BBC TV series, marvelling at the old TV production style and the seeming absurdities of Russian aristocratic life. It reminds me of times of my youth when I would have cringed to see anything like this on tv and even now I don’t think I could enjoy it without having read the book first. The best thing about today was: Was waking up throughout the night to find Kim Chi in various places on the bed. I disturbed her a few times but she happily rearranged herself each time.
I took this picture because I was quite impressed by my student’s drawing skills. Her name is Apple.
We’re acting our age, growing up Got our emotions under control The highs and lows have come and gone And we’re finally feeling whole We’re no longer chasing rainbows We know what’s at their end The pot of gold is here and now With a lifetime left to spend
Beware of those who seek constant crowds; they are nothing alone.
Charles Bukowski
Today I’m grateful for: Amy’s parents for delivering me food and fruit this morning. I was sleeping and I found it with surprise at our door. The best thing about today was: Watching Sydney play a fantastic game of football that was tense and exciting.
I took this picture because it caught my eye though I didn’t look closely at it. Looking at it now I guess it’s a painting based on the position of stars. I’m not even sure where I took this or if it’s a screenshot.
1994ever 