Tag: Amy

Fair Trade – 9th April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Would you really trade wisdom for youth?
Too smart to ever fall off your bike
Born old and closed to new truth
Already knowing everything you like
The knocks that you took to grow
Gave deeper meaning to everything new
There are always more things to know
And these are the things that make you

Some people conform to the tastes of others, and they end up wearing a mask that hides their true nature.

Robert Greene

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my little hard-working motorbike that took me up and away into the mountains today.

Letter from the future to Amy (sent 7th Feb 2022)

Dear Future Little Amy,

Right now, you are in Chatswood, Australia and I am in Chiang Rai, Thailand. I’m in a cafe because the school doesn’t have anything for me to do today. Jobs where you get paid to do nothing! Crazy!

I just talked to you on the phone as you were eating spicy Som Tum in our old Chatswood kitchen. You sound happy to be back in Australia although maybe not quite sure what will happen next.

You’ll go to Albury and Adelaide and take a look around there, thinking about future possibilities. Who knows, by the time you get this letter you may be thinking of running your own little business in one of these places. Or you may be thinking to come back to Chiang Rai, relaxing and drinking red wine, playing with the cats and watching Netflix all day.

I’m happy with myself and my job. You know that I feel good to be working with the students and not necessarily the school. I’ll hang in for as long as I can and try not to cause any trouble! Haha. You know me.

Little Amy, you know I really miss your cooking. It’s the best and you’ve always taken care of me with that. Even though we are far apart, it still feels like you are here. It’s easy for us to talk anytime we want.

Happy Anniversary Amy Kee Mow.
Love you so mootch.

A Cola – 22nd March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A life born of consumption
My guts bubble in excitement
My body has these nightmares
Of a past now forgotten
Perhaps returned and crushed
Repurposed and reused
When you look inside
I’ll pop bubbles on your nose
Soon my existence will be elsewhere
As another form of recycling
No more thoughts

Inspired by the ‘Everything Is Alive‘ podcast. Won’t someone please think of the cola!?

Unlucky is the man who is born with great expectations and who finds nothing in life quite up to the mark.

John Burroughts

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Amy’s mum who cares and does little bits and pieces around the garden.

Two Hermits – 6th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When evil enters the heart
The mind speaks not plainly
But would force charity out of others
When desire was a brotherly fight
The bowl was never divided
And their love remained intact

Another Khalil Gibran parable.

Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.

Lu Xun

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Nong Gratae who helped me learn a little more Thai and can also help Amy get clients in Australia.

The Whys – 5th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There was a wisdom to the air
A confidence contained in words
A charismatic character
Striding forth with bellows
Seen from the side
Seen straight ahead
Backwards or upside down
Never questioned, the whys
– I questioned the wise
Found lacking and falling short
Unveiled, revealed to me
It matters not, what you see
This is just a matter for me

When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.

bell hooks

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy got offered both jobs and took the 2nd one as it allows her to travel in February before starting in March. Excellent.

Straight Line – 4th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Going straight isn’t always the best
Sometimes you gotta bend to pass the test
Life is not linear, the path may be curved
You made it here by the way you swerved

As the crow flies sure is so fast
But the lesson, maybe, does not last
If you don’t adapt, you can break
That’s a mistake you don’t want to make

What exists, exists so that it can be lost and become precious.

Lisel Mueller

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy is going for two job interviews already! She hasn’t even been in Australia for a week yet.

Last night I had a couple of spoonfuls of kratom powder and got really dug into creating some music, though I ran out of time to play guitar. It was only later, when I was feeding the cats and talking with Amy, that I realised how hungry I was and I was even feeling a little nauseous as I was eating some salmon I had bought.

After watching some TV, I was feeling tired and had a shower and couldn’t even read much before falling to sleep and it was a deep, long one. I don’t remember waking up at all. I’ve started using a sleep app, though I don’t have a watch for monitoinrg and the app told me my sleep was only 69% quality, so I’m a little doubtful how well it is actually working.

Amy has two job interviews lined up today, which is crazy. She hasn’t even been there a week! Fern also advised her about a position available where she works too.

My morning classes were excellent. I tested 2/9 (grade 8) with a really difficult text and they were so happy and shocked when I told them it was for a grade 12 level. I was teaching them not to be scared of difficult-looking things and that their skill level is very good.

I’ll take it easy for my last class in the afternoon and then have to psych myself up for the weekend. Vacuuming and washing need to be squeezed in along with all the cat and garden maintenance. Also have to take the car for service, which will give me the opportunity to walk a bit until it’s ready.

Revenge Bedtime Procrastination – 2nd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Working stiff, time is sucked away
Beer o’clock, a chance to play
Reclaim the day, sleep when you’re dead
Tomorrow’s here with a throbbing head

Power through with a mindful meditation
Revenge bedtime procrastination
An ever-decreasing circle of frustration
Revenge bedtime procrastination

The office runs, so take a rest
Getting paid to sleep is the best
Pretty soon it’s time to go again
Waiting for the whistle of 5pm

16 more hours without destination
Revenge bedtime procrastination
Chase away time with dedication
Revenge bedtime procrastination

When you’re young, dumb and energetic, your greatest asset is that you’re young, dumb and energetic.

Cole Schafer

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy arrived in Australia safe and sound. It was good to see her in our old house last night.

17th August 2023 – Amy’s old friend Anna and her husband still live in our old Chatswood apartment and offer us space to stay if we ever need it and I still receive bits and pieces of mail there so I can use it as an Aussie address still if necessary.

Damn, those kids were noisy in class and I can see that for some, they are not interested to study. So, I’ll just continue to focus on the ones who are trying their best. The sad thing is that the ones not interested could actually do the work. It’s not difficult. There are just too many damn kids in the class.

Anyway, I kept it as fun as possible and everything was OK. I floated around for the afternoon, pretty much just waiting until 4pm to go home.

I couldn’t tell if Amy’s parents had come and watered, so I did it again, which was pleasant and relaxing. I made it to my room but didn’t do much on Ableton and the keyboard; instead, I got sucked into the guitar, which has fallen off the last few weeks, so my fingers are a little soft. I played until they hurt too much to carry on.

In the middle of this, Amy called from our old home, where Anna and Big Boy now live and Amy felt so happy to recall all our memories from there. She was already excitedly talking about new plans. I’m glad she’s feeling good, though I can (and she can) already feel how expensive everything is. 100 dollar taxi from the airport!

(Later) Just the one class today, which was fine, though the kids were a little restless. It was still fun. I got my pay cheque today, which I’ve been hanging for and not just have to wait for it to clear.

I went over to Matt’s and he surprised me with a huge bottle of wee tincture, some dried wee and some mushrooms. Awesome! A pity I have to take the car for service on Saturday morning but maybe I can take a dose when I get home.

Matt and I talked a lot about getting older and being happy not to be surrounded by friends for friendship’s sake. We’re happy with ourselves.

Do you still have a deep dark secret?

I don’t think I do. There are perhaps certain things that I wouldn’t tell certain people but ultimately, there’s nothing really so secret in my life. There are things I’ve done that I’m not so proud of but they are all in the context of growth and development. In the end, I hope to put down everything here (in this blog) and some things may upset certain people if they ever saw them but they are generally intended without judgment and just a record of events and feelings of those moments.

I don’t think I’ve ever had any kind of dark secret.

New Coffee – 31st January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Close my eyes and count to three
Sit up as straight as I can be
Breathe in deep, expand my chest
Slow it down to do it best
Racing thoughts, I let them go
Race on down that river so
Five minutes later and I’m done
So now the day has just begun
I can face everything I’m thrown
I can count each day I’ve grown
Even more wicked witches come
I can carry on until I’m done

Successful people do things that they don’t like to do because they can accomplish the things that they want to accomplish.

paraphrase Albert Gray

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have made a good plan to get everything ready for my first work day without Amy.

Did a double exercise this morning so ended up rushing a little but managed to get everything done, though Kim Chi looked upset that she couldn’t come out today.

I didn’t sleep too well and will put the mattress back to the soft side tonight. When I woke up I just found myself worrying about food and what I was going to eat. Hope to sleep better tonight. Will try to get into bed later, reading comics in the living room instead of in bed.

Sacred Solitude – 29th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I must nourish myself to face the world
I’m always on the way to my home
I’m happy to have myself as my best friend
I’m never lonely when I’m alone

6th Mar 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Musings
11th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge

All it takes to get better at something is first a willingness to be bad.

Austin Kleon

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to all the people, technology and coordination that enable Amy to fly from here to Australia this weekend. It is not that long ago that this would be difficult to imagine.

I’m at home now, alone. Amy will be in the air on the way to Bangkok. The first hour at home. Have rearranged the living room and bedroom furniture a little as I will exercise in the bedroom in the morning now. Save a minute of time as I figure out a new routine for the working week.

It feels weird to have some freedom, or almost complete freedom (except for financial). Have I gotten used to the pseudo-authoritarianism of a loving relationship? Of course, whilst I’m free to do whatever I like, I will not do anything that would damage my and Amy’s relationship.

After saying goodbye at the airport, I dropped by Big C and bought some pomelo and had forgotten that there’s a B2S there and so splashed out on two new pens to replace those that ran out or broke last week. An 80 baht extravagance. I have to get carfeul with money. I’m already running coffee credit at House and Utopia until I get paid again. Need petrol for the bike and the car. It’s a test.

25th Feb 2026 – 4 years and a month later, I’m still running credit at House and Utopia – though not the same one. I do pay it off every month.

That’s Saying Nothing – 27th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You used a lot of words
To say nothing at all
Asking for some clarity
You raised a higher wall

Fake it until you make it
The megalomaniacal king
The rebels at the ramparts
Protest the hate you bring

The castle you’re living in
Contains a bloodied throne
Surrounded by your leeches
And afraid to be alone

There’s no way to be equal
In the games that you play
If you can’t explain yourself
Then there’s nothing left to say

Most people seek to avoid tedium, pain and any form of adversity. You must choose to move in the opposite direction.

Robert Greene

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see Amy’s grandmum on her 90th birthday yesterday. She’s going good.

My pen broke yesterday, leaving me penless. I brought one from home today but it doesn’t flow as well. I love a good pen.

After school yesterday, I took Amy to the skin doctor, who gave her a bunch of pills and creams that have previously worked for her, so hopefully will clear her up by Saturday when she leaves.

While I was waiting, I gave Hayden a call and he told me he got his first tattoo, which came as a bit of surprise, though perhaps more surprising that it took him so long. Anyway, it looks cool. Three 5’s on his wrist, which has a special meaning for him and made more so when I told him its meaning of laughing in Thailand. I’d forgotten that it was Australia Day today and he was out with his friends, so we didn’t talk for long.

Got home dog-tired and didn’t make it into my room and tonight we have to attack the termite problem again with more things to try and kill them off.

Top Of The World – 24th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What was here in the week before existence?
Were those seven days, days at all?
Were you alive yet somewhere else?
Hidden behind some divine wall?
What meaning has a simple atom?
The planning, random, still put us here
Must I make my own definition
Atop the world, this spinning sphere?

You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. But, that’s why they have coffee.

Cole Schafer

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I didn’t kill our grasscutter by putting the wrong oil in it. I poured it out after realising and everything was ok.

Did not sleep easily last night but feeling ok this morning. Just a little chest workout to get going this morning. Been trying mini 3-minute meditations but even those, I’m not able to keep focus. Will persevere.

Amy spent most of the day at the Cafe With No Name and I cut the grass and tinkered in my room a while.

Preparing myself for next weekend when Amy will be away. Need to find an ironing routine! Ugh! Will try to do some tonight.

Have to do a little more lesson planning and prep too. I want to add some variety to my lessons again. Try and keep students interested. After enjoying the weekend at home, I know where I would prefer to be, really. The kids will keep me inspired, hopefully.