Honey Glaze – 3rd February 2024

The orange sunrise
Perfectly reflected on the blue sky sea
Turning back inland
It’s a destruction from the river to me

Still, I have my god
That promises to set my children free
The skies alight
Where the others’ god wishes to be

The river run dry
Across those borders, we must flee
The honey glaze
Shines so that’s all anyone may see
*The honey glaze
On a fine crust of tolerated misery*

* David Elikwu
5th Oct 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Colour Challenge – Mainly Orange


Today I’m feeling:

My regular Saturday exhaustion though Amy didn’t give me the opportunity to wallow as she had me up and busy as soon as I got up. By the time I got to coffee at midday, I was dying for it.

Today I’m grateful for:

Time spent in the hammock reading about Britain’s colonisation of India. The sun is still a little low so that the remaining trees still give some shade though the ants, spiders and flies did get annoying.

The best thing about today was:

At the winter festival, Amy was shocked at the tiny crop tops at one of the stalls and said ‘Oh my god, who can wear a top like that?’ And as she said that she noticed a girl wearing a similar-sized top and finished off with ‘Oh, a girl like her.’ I looked and saw a small skinny girl looking cute in a tight crop top. And it was then that I noticed that she is one of the grade 11 students that I often talk to. And Amy was surprised to see me fist-bump the girl she was just talking about admiring.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy was cranky from the get-go this morning and I came close to losing my cool but took deep breaths and soldiered on through, knowing that at some point it would be over and things would be good again.

Something I learned today?

Word is that the local council want our road widened before the rainy season starts which is good news though it will be a little inconvenient for us for a while.

Though we’ve been waiting for this before Amy starts thinking about doing business on our land it has become apparent that since the end of COVID, most students have not returned to the habit of going out and staying out to eat drink and talk like they used to. Many businesses are selling up due to a lack of customers after 8pm.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Amy asked me to pick up some plumber’s tape to fix the joint under the sink. I was on my way to my first coffee but picked up the tape and took it straight home so that she can fix it quickly.

At times I was short in my replies to Amy as I was echoing her behaviour back to her but I shouldn’t do that.

I took this picture because here was another cat in the window above the eatery next to Utopia. That means at least five cats I’ve seen in this window and I know that there are also two dogs.

When You Are Ready – 30th January 2024

I will always hold you up on high
I will be your rock until I die
When you are ready I will never ask you why

I will walk through this field of dreams
I will remind you all is never as it seems
When you are ready you’ll know what it means

I will give you all the love I can give
I will show you how I learned to live
When you are ready you’ll know who to do it with

You will know there’s much to learn
You will teach them respect to earn
When they are ready – it’s their turn

Submitted to #WDYS


Today I’m feeling:

A little bit slow again but I was able to take it pretty easy with my classes today.  I was still tired and hungry by the end of the work day though.

Today I’m grateful for:

The last bagel in the freezer that I ate for dinner.  Thanks, Nut!  It’s probably been in the freezer for more that six months already but, well, that’s what freezers are for, right!?

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that next week is Scout Week again.  I initially cheered when David told me but then he reminded me that last year we ended up doing some silly useless tasks (that I decided to enjoy at the time). 

Either way – it’s a whole week out of the classroom (again!)

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy called while I was at House saying that she would stay in the city as the new owners of the apartments that Mum sold were having a housewarming party.  The plan was for me to pick her up after I finished work, we go home and then I bring her back to get the truck in the morning. 

When I got there though Amy was still happily drinking and talking whilst I was tired and hungry and itching to get home.  I stayed for a while but when Aun came back from work she offered to bring Amy home later and I quickly agreed that that was a good idea even though I would have to find my own food. 

Of course, I could’ve just come straight home after work but I tried not to think about that.

Something I learned today?

Whilst watching Jerry Grey talking about the possibility of war between China and the USA he brought up a point that makes some sense, about who would fight for the USA in a conventional war. 

This got me wondering about the fact that so many Americans are in debt and many are also homeless.  Is this being done on purpose so that when a serious war might arise the military will be able to easily incentivise joining up as a way for citizens to get back into the black? 

Could they be that cynical or is it my own cynical streak coming through?

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

With writing up old things into this blog I’ve been talking online a little more often with Rich Levine and will also drop an email to Rob again at some point.  He still doesn’t use much of this new-fangled technological stuff and only has email.

I did wait fairly patiently for Amy this afternoon.  Was it a vile deed to leave when it became convenient?  Perhaps, but hunger and tiredness can do that to a man.

My student Nudee stayed back in class after everyone had left and I saw that she was doing some of her own self study with a Kumon workbook.  It looked like a very useful study aid for her and she said she has been using them for about three years to improve herself.  Later she sent me a message that she had received a certificate from them for being in the top 5% of around 3000 students in Thailand.  She was ecstatic and I told her I was proud of her too.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 9. Take More Risks. Don’t be such a wimp.

I think this one would be more appropriate for me ten years ago than today.  Though ten years ago I was still big into risks – such as moving to a non-English speaking country to live.  These days I’m not so big on the risk taking. 

As the body’s inevitable decline edges ever closer I’m not so keen on taking physical risks though I suppose I might get further beyond that at some point and just think ‘fuck it’ such as sky diving when I’m 90 or something. 

I suppose I still take some risks with money as I’m still investing in releasing records that I’m not certain I can sell.  Those are low-level financial risks balanced by spiritual rewards.  I’m not going to sink all my money into trying to make a business out of it now. 

Amy is still considering the risk of opening a restaurant in Australia which would easily see us use up all our money and probably go into debt.  I’m not so keen on this idea though I will happily support her because I think she could do it well.  Whatever happened financially though, the stress levels of pursuing that dream might be enough to make me very unhappy.  My mindset would probably change though once this plan was executed. 

I guess I’m just happy with my life where it is right now and thinking that I would miss this.  Once getting into the maelstrom of something though my survival instincts would likely kick in.

I took these pictures on Sunday because this is where I drove to so that Amy’s mum and dad could leave gifts and give thanks because they had come here before to ask for good luck to sell the apartments and within a month they had sold. I don’t know the reason that they came here or even why these monuments are located here, directly opposite a T-junction.

The Legend – 27th January 2024

Always the winner, always on top
The sun shines from their behind
If outsiders looking in would ever stop
The legend would be hard to find

Because they suffered just like us
Made many mistakes along the road
But when life threw them under the bus
Determination is what they showed

So the legend came to be on the lips
Of those who needed inspiration
And everybody followed the tips
For the legends in preparation


Today I’m feeling:

Slooooow to go. Turned off my alarm when it went off and enjoyed a delirious sleep, probably aided by a couple of drops of cannabutter last night which also made me enjoy some guitaring that flew by in a couple of hours. My thought to exercise a little on waking at the weekend didn’t come to fruition but I guess I have to listen to my body sometimes.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nick at Utopia for not only giving me credit today (run out of money!) but making me two fantastic coffees with perfect texture for me.

The best thing about today was:

Despite just wanting to stay home all day when Amy suggested going to Oshinei for lunch I initially said no but quickly changed my mind and I’m glad we got out and enjoyed some food at a two-for-one discount.  I was still tired and not really thinking about anything much but just enjoying the moment.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After lunch I tried to resist the afternoon nap for as long as I could by reading, finishing the first chapter of the Decline and Fall of the British Empire and then a couple of comics before finally giving in and accepting my fate.  It was an enjoyable nap though.

I took this picture because Cap was sitting on the cushion by the bookshelves when I got home yesterday, though he got up as soon as I laid down to take pictures.

Two Whispers – 23rd January 2024

Where the light turned to dust
Silence remains
When two became none

Where the light became air
Extinguished flames
Await the rising sun

Where the light turns to the sky
Who prays
And in their solitude sit?

Where the light falls west
Who stays
To watch the candles lit?

Submitted to #WDYS


Today I’m feeling:

Good and positive again. I can feel that I have a better attitude and more energy in the days that I exercise in the morning and that I should also force myself to do this on weekends and holidays as I often just fall into laziness then.

Today I’m grateful for:

The little female (age indefinable) petrol pump assistant who double-checked what I wanted and then, after filling the car,  gave me two bottles of water. She tried to explain about the water but I didn’t understand. I just assumed that they were free!

The best thing about today was:

Taking time with a couple of my troublesome students this afternoon and helping them get a better idea of a grammar point. I felt relief and joy when they started getting the answers right by themselves. I even managed to get a smile out of one of them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My first class today with grade 8s was a little wearisome. Some days it feels like they just insist on not learning. I stayed relatively calm but inside I feel a little tired and deflated from it.

Something I learned today?

The single most expensive item for the British in the American Civil War was rum.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

We went to the temple again for some follow-up Buddhist things for Grandmum. I did as was directed though wasn’t sure about any of what was happening. In the end, we served monks food and everyone (except me) at lunch too.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO
3. Spend Time with People You Love. That’s your family and best friends. If you don’t have a family, create one. Most people in life are only visitors. Family is for life.

My tribe is my family these days. I’m not particularly close to anyone except for Amy and I’m fine with that. If I ever need to make new relationships they will come naturally from within my tribe. 

The internet definitely has made things easier to stay in contact with my tribe, who are scattered all around the world.

Whilst the ease of communication keeps us together, our tribe survives apart.

Nourishment – 15th January 2024

What does it feel like to function?
Thoughts turned to action
The picture comes alive
An outlaw in this society
We lose life every day
Yet art will always remain
The air and the food
In a world where it’s easy to starve

inspired/borrowed from this post at Spinning Visions


Today I’m feeling:

A little dizzy still and my sore throat is back, I think from the incense at the temple irritating my throat.

Today I’m grateful for:

This Thai family around me. Not without faults but somehow welcoming and inclusive for this idiot.

The best thing about today was:

I did get an hour of free time this afternoon and got twenty minutes of enjoyable bad guitar practice.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve been assigned a task this evening as part of the ceremony though I’m not clear what it is. I was just told to follow the others doing the same thing. I feel like a kid in a school play who doesn’t remember where to stand or exactly what to do and just looks around at everyone else and hopes no one notices.

(Later) Well, it involved some scooting on knees and wai-ing and I hoped didn’t look too out of place as the only white non-Buddhist in the room.

Something I learned today?

This was a couple of days ago but worth mentioning that journalist Gonzalo Lira died in a Ukrainian prison. He was imprisoned for reporting truths about Ukraine’s targeting of civilians in Donetsk both before the US proxy war and in the early stages of it. It’s just another nail in the US imperialist coffin that lies about freedom and democracy.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

In between classes, I came to the temple to support the family and after class, I came to collect Amy before driving us home and then back to the city again to pick up food for Grandmum’s mourners.

August (grade 8) came to my class today sighing that she misses her boyfriend (who broke up with her six months ago). I consoled her but later sent her messages to be strong and independent. She appreciated my words but I could feel she’s not strong enough yet.

August (grade 9) took this picture because she stole my phone out of my pocket whilst I was talking with Kru Ren. This is Sunwa, August and Pat, whose birthday it was today. 15th birthday I guess, though she behaves with a little more maturity than her classmates.

Love Is For The Lucky – 14th January 2024

Peggy asked me to come over
She said she was alone and scared
I remember when we were kids
Dancing like no one cared

Fearless, the world was ours
We thought there was nothing to lose
Great dreams lost in the wrong turns
Sorrows drowned in booze

In her eyes, she cast the blame
Yet knew it was her fault
Slowly learned that accepting less
Could still return a result

Is she only flesh and bones
Waiting for death and forgotten?
Always a need to be needed
Made her miserable and rotten

I held her hand to lead her back
And we did that for a week
But a war was going on
And there was a wider world to seek

Peggy now, did you find your way
Did you see direction through your tears
Did we both realise true love
In the aftermath of those years?

Inspired by this post at John Coyote’s blog


Today I’m feeling:

Better than yesterday but I slept really badly, waking seemingly every 20 minutes or so and feeling either too hot or too cold. When I went out for coffee Noey commented that I looked better today, that yesterday I looked about 60 years old and today I look about 20! I’ll take compliments wherever I can get them.

It felt good to work with Thiban this morning and get the order placed for the High Voltage/Speech Odd split 12”. We were able to get that done before Amy and I headed into the city to see Grandmum and get lunch.

Today I’m grateful for:

A surprise rain last night that did the watering for us and helped clean the air of the layer of smoke descending from the mountains.

The best thing about today was:

Still being alive. Many others didn’t make it today.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy invited me into the room to see her grandmum. I didn’t want to go but felt obliged to. She looks like a skeleton, just bones and motionless except gasping for air. I couldn’t stay.

A minute later, Amy let out a scream and everyone came running. As mum comforts grandmum, saying it’s ok to go, but life wants to hold on. Shallow breath returns but how long can death be put off and is it worth it? There’s nothing to look forward to except another gulp of breath.

Another minute later and she’s gone.  

I don’t know what the etiquette is now or how to help. I feel useless. This once vibrant body is off on its final disintegration and I don’t wish to acknowledge that this is my fate. Everyone’s fate. I feel empty in my stomach.

I don’t cry for grandmum, for Amy or her family. I cry for my own useless self.

Something I learned today?

It seems that the best option for the nomeansno book is to order it on Amazon but as money is short this month it will have to wait.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Of course, today took a turn and I did as Amy instructed without complaint despite still feeling dizzy and tired by around 4pm. Lots of running around picking up things for the temple. This will be the way for tonight and the following three nights before the last prayers and trip to the crematorium.

I took this picture of Grandmum’s photos that we took to the flower shop and will be used alongside the wreaths for her funeral. Her younger self; a beautiful Chinese-looking lady, though I think the Chinese heritage was on the grandfather’s side. The picture on the right was how I knew her. She always offered me food when I saw her. I held her hand when we went out to restaurants or visited the temple, her skin was so soft and smooth that it was hard to believe she was the age she was. She would have been 92 in March. A good run but as I approach my own end it doesn’t seem like it is even close to enough.

Beautiful Mess – 6th January 2024

Standing here amongst the detritus
This is certainly a lived-in room
The treaties of the past are scattered
Across a floor that’s never seen a broom

There’s an unused TV in the corner
Hoping the remote will be found one day
Tho’ full of dust, it’s fuller with love
A satisfying sty in which to laugh and play

inspired by the memory of living in Mick’s house – more detail here


Today I’m feeling:

Tired but relaxed.  Amy stayed at her parent’s last night and much of today and after coffee, hanging out washing and shampooing Tigger I slowly watched the day disappear reading, watching TV and not much else.

Today I’m grateful for:

The discounted milk protein drinks at the Lotus store – three for the price of two.

The best thing about today was:

Finishing reading Wuthering Heights, which I enjoyed much more than I expected.  I love finishing one book because it means I can start another! 

I also started reading China Underground at Utopia, the first two stories of which reminded me a lot of my time meeting people in China and to realise how much the world, and I, have changed since.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There is some family drama going on that I have absolutely no control over and so the best I can do is to comfort Amy and help her with figuring out the best way forward. 

It’s a frustrating situation that goes deep into Thai culture and societal norms that involve blind acceptance of the patriarchy. 

Whilst I knew about this, it is uncomfortably close to home this time.  It is also making me feel even more for the female students that I teach and wonder what of their future.

Something I learned today?

Our avocado tree is infested with giant hairy worms that are eating their way through the leaves.  I have to warn Amy to stay away from there as she will surely be allergic to their hairs.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I fist-bumped the staff at Utopia and the girl customer whom I have seen there a few times before and smiled and acknowledged most everyone else who came in whilst I was there reading and drinking my coffee.

Apart from that I didn’t have much interaction with anyone else today, even online.

I took this picture because these little fucks are difficult to see on the tree. There are five visible here and 100s more out of focus.

No More However – 4th January 2024

There’s no more debating
The words that you’re stating
Broke down my defence
Pushed me off the fence
There’s no more however
I’ll live this truth forever
No more other hand
A line in the sand
Fighting the good fight
Confirming I am right

Having said that though
No! Tell me it ain’t so!


Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy though also a little saddened at some circumstances that arose last night when Amy’s brother and girlfriend came to visit.  Things are happening in the family space that are a little upsetting for Amy and she is quite bothered by them.  It feels like another thing to push her away from Thailand unfortunately.

Today I’m grateful for:

Funfai again as this morning she presented me with a big bag of almonds. 

One of her quirks tickles me in that when she doesn’t know the answer to a question she says ‘I don’t know’.  This may not sound odd when written down but it is sometimes quite difficult to get people here to admit that they don’t know something.  Often they will just give some bullshit answer. 

I’m glad Funfair happily admits not knowing things though.  To me, that shows a desire to learn, or an acceptance that it is ok not to know everything.

The best thing about today was:

Teaching this extra (grade 10) class.  I found out in the morning it is a pretty good class including many of my old students so it was good to have some familiar faces there because that made me feel comfortable, which in turn made the other students comfortable too. 

I’d put together a quick reading and writing lesson in the morning and wondered if we would have enough time to do it but they pretty much breezed through it and were happy to be corrected on pronunciation.  It’s a stark contrast to my grade 7 class in the morning which was like herding cats as usual.  I enjoyed both classes in different ways. 

I’m quite happy to have taken on this extra class despite it meaning extra work for me.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I still didn’t get paid yet and had to beg money off Amy to put petrol in the car.  I’m down to 61 baht in the bank and 40 baht in my wallet.  I’m taking this as an opportunity to be frugal and make do with what I already have.  Except coffee.  That is on credit, thankfully, though I hate doing it.

Something I learned today?

In Switzerland, it’s illegal to own just one guinea pig because they’re social beings and get lonely.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

This morning Paen messaged me asking if she could come and join my class with the grade 7s.  The reason being that she is developing a friendship with Praew and wants to see if she will be her girlfriend. 

As I didn’t really have much planned for the class except some Quizizz and as I’d like to help Paen make a new friend or girlfriend I allowed her to come and sit and help a little too. 

Both Praew and Paen were happy to have this chance to be together.  Paen has struggled with friendships with her peers so I’m hopeful that making friends with a younger girl could work out for her.

Are you a doer, a maker or a leader?

Out of these three choices, I reckon I’m a doer.  I’ve always been an advocate for doing something, anything and I still follow that line of thinking.

My doing recently involves the challenge of presenting a poem every day.  I’m not sure how long I have been doing it now, maybe it’s two years already.

Also, trying to go back and add information to this blog about the past is a monumental and endless task which is the kind of stupid thing I like to get into.

Previously, in the absence of anyone else doing it, I started the record label, organised shows and tours and shared the information to help others to do the doing too.

Part of that crosses over to being a maker, as I made part of the Sydney/Australia/Asia music scene and am still involved in that, though not as relentlessly as before.

As a teacher, I hope that I am helping in making responsible adults and this also crosses over to being a leader.

I don’t play well with adults and have no desire to lead them, to lead a work team or the like but seem to have fallen into being a de facto leader for my students.


I took this picture because Nudee and her friends were trying to make TikTok videos after they’d finished my classwork. I was outside the classroom and this picture was actually taken through a highly tinted window (it’s very difficult to see inside with the naked eye) so I was surprised that the picture even came out so well. Ironically, the girls were all too embarrassed to have their picture taken and I grabbed this shot before they put their hands up in front of the camera. Nudee likes to wear colourful contact lenses which make her eyes look amazing. She also has a lip-piercing which is prohibited by the school rules (hence the mask) but I have seen many kids flouting it recently and I like it.

Stupid Delusion – 1st January 2024

No longer intoxicated
Awoken from my dreams
Meaning was a delusion
A stupid delusion it seems


Yeah, happy new year!


Today I’m feeling:

Happily lazy again.  I ate lots and did little over these last 4 days and it’s been a good wind down to the end of the year.  Tomorrow it’s back to exercise, work and reality. I plan to just do abs and legs this week to try and get the ache out of my shoulders before working on any upper body exercises again.  I’m stiff from sitting and laying down so much recently too!

Today I’m grateful for:

The internet, YouTube, the BBC, John Peel and Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 whose John Peel Session I have just found and listening to as I’m writing this.  Excellent!

The best thing about today was:

Finishing the excellent John Cooper Clarke biography.  It feels good to finish reading a book on the first day of the year.

Also releasing the SpeechOdd/HighxVoltage album for pre-order through Bandcamp today which got a few folks interested.  It feels good to have a record release on the first day of the year.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There wasn’t much to be done today, lots I could’ve done but decided not to, so there was little to get out of control.

Perhaps I could say that though I was happy to play a little guitar this afternoon I was also really bad at it. Just missing a few days sets me back. And then after watching some Thinking Fellars live footage I marvel at the genius of their guitar interplay and wonder if I could ever become as skilled as they are. It’s half inspiring, half frustrating. What a great band. I fucking hate popular music – what a waste of skill!

Something I learned today?

I came across an interview with a YouTuber I follow called Nathan Rich titled Scientology, Punk Rock and Addiction.  Wild!  I know him for his investigative journalism opposing the Western anti-China narratives.  Life is long and varied and I’m looking forward to watching this and learning more about his past.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I made Amy’s bed for her without being asked.

I cleared as many hairy worms as I could find around the hose and drowned them all in a bucket.  All this was in an effort to stop Amy’s allergy to them which makes her itchy and brings her out in a rash.  Somehow I’m not affected by them.

A close member of your family has committed murder. Would you keep quiet about it? What might your silence depend upon?

No way.  The circumstances of the event may have an effect on my attitude towards them but covering it up would be out of the question.

Write a message to myself to be reviewed one year from today.

Why? Everything I write here is up for review at any point in time. Review that.

Art took this picture a few weeks ago on his trip up to Mae Hong Son. I saw it on his Facebook page and it jumped out at me with its magnificent misty morning glow. No new pictures today.

I Used To Be Somebody – 30th December 2023

Perhaps I was a president
Making difficult decisions
A surgeon with a scalpel
Making precise incisions
Maybe I was a singer
Adored by many millions
Or a famous architect
Designing high pavillions

I used to be somebody
And now that I’m not
I’m just another nobody
That everyone forgot


Today I’m feeling:

Lazy and relaxed today.  Still a little numb from the whisky on Thursday but not bothered by the lethargy it has induced today as I was yesterday.  I thought that I might read and play guitar today but have managed to do neither.

Today I’m grateful for:

Boss at Utopia for making me my final coffees that he will make for me as this is his last day before he leaves for Lampang to start his own shop.

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying playing games on Xbox and though being aware of it wasting time it felt like a reasonable trade-off today.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There is some family drama going on that I won’t go into detail about here but it may make our New Year’s Eve at Mum’s a little awkward depending on who is there.  A culmination of events and bad timing have brought about this drama which feels to me somewhat typically Thai.  Amy and I are both on the same page and we are pretty much just bystanders wondering how things will unfold.

Something I learned today?

Thailand is looking to fast-track the high-speed rail from Laos to Bangkok, as well as the land bridge between the Andaman and Indian oceans.  The USA is very unhappy with China’s involvement in these projects and will obviously try to disrupt them through one means or another.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I waited around for a few minutes to wish Boss at Utopia all the best for the future but he was in the toilet for so long that I decided to leave, with the thought that I might return later in the day but unfortunately, I didn’t.  Was this a good deed that turned vile?

I took this picture on Wednesday because this kitty, as with all little Thai gingers, reminded me of Kim. This was about as close as I could get though as it was too shy to get closer.