Time To Leave – 3rd November 2023

It’s time to leave, time to live
The tough have already got going
The soft remain inactive
But deep down already knowing

It’s time to go, time to be gone
Let the waste remain in this place
Time is forever marching on
And taking up so much space

The magnetic pull unwavering
Stick the cynics in the bin
Tomorrow is not worth savouring
If the journey doesn’t begin

Once again, inspired by this post at Spinning Visions. I am usually inspired by things I see, hear and read (more than conjuring things from the depths of my brain – at least, these days) and I’m catching up on reading Makenna’s journey via her blog.

9th Jun 2024 – Shared with dVerse OLN #363
20th Oct 2024 – Shared with Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – magnetic


The Blackened Screamo powercell from İstanbul, Jornada Del Muerto (featuring members of The Ousted, Burn Her Letters, ria, pembe, Noisy Sins Of The Insect, Slave Training) unveils their brand new full length “Pinturas Negras” via 11 DIY labels (see below) Mixed and Mastered by Pete Grossman at Bricktop Recording who has an excellent discography, such as Inclination, Frail Body, Uglybones, LUCA, Crowning…

Having released a cathartic and well-written debut album in 2021, the blackened screamo act Jornada Del Muerto dedicates Pinturas Negras to Goya’s “Black Paintings” in lyrical and musical ways. 14 songs for 14 paintings.

The band took it to the next level with their new release: while the band is maintaining the short-songs-with-violent-outbursts kind of approach with their songs, it is very clear that Jornada Del Muerto has given a lot of thought to the instrumentation of their new songs as the riffing and the song structures are very on point. The band makes it known to their listeners that very diverse influences are musing their sound, and Jornada Del Muerto transforms these muses into gut-punching screamo anthems with sheer explosions.

Jornada Del Muerto is Alican, Görkem, Mutlu, Onur

Recorded at PUR Music Studios
Mix and Mastering by Pete Grossman at Bricktop
Additional Cello by Öykü Opuz
Artwork by Nazan Aydın

Sabbath Video credits
Directed by Doğuş Asan & Mutlu Oral
Animated by Doğuş Asan
Character Design by Eda Dursun
Written by Mutlu Oral & Görkem Arslan
Edited by Mutlu Oral

Judith and Holofernes Video credits
Video by Görkem Arslan & İdil Kocabozdoğan

Co-operative release featuring the following labels:
Mevzu Records
No Heroes Records
Dead Red Queen Records
Fresh Outbreak Records
Friendly Otter
5 Feet Under Records
Dingleberry Records
Pumpkin Records
Salto Mortale
Seitan’s Hell Bike Punks
tenzenmen
No Funeral Records


Today I’m feeling:

Happy and content. I’m so happy that Amy is back and made our house back into a home again. Everything is clean and tidy! It’s not that I’m terribly messy and dirty but my standard and its importance is lower.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Jern for fixing up some things in the class attendance system for me. It’s important to have a good connection with some co-teachers because sometimes there are things that need to be done that I can’t do by myself.

The best thing about today was:

Unprompted, Kru David commented positively on my new Monotone trousers today. It’s nice to hear that though I never would expect that about my trousers as they are relatively plain when compared to some of the shirts I wear!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I have a smart kid in one class (Kwang) who suffers from a lack of direction and absent parents. She’s smart enough to avoid working hard and avoid getting in too much trouble. 

This week she explained that her phone touchscreen is broken and that she can’t do my work whilst in class but promised that she would do it at home in the evening, which she then didn’t do.  

As I have two old spare phones I figured I would donate one to her so she could do my work in class. I struggled to remember to find it this morning but in the end, I picked it up and found the charging cable too.

I waited for the homeroom teacher to appear in the morning and told her of my idea which she thought was a good solution. However, Kwang’s grandparents sent a message that morning that she wouldn’t be in school today! 

I left the phone with the homeroom teacher as Kwang will likely show more respect for receiving it from her than from me.

Something I learned today?

Of course, surely, I learned many things today but they all seem relatively minor and inconsequential as I try to summon them here to write. 

Name five ways you are quite difficult to deal with?

 I still have a childish reaction to being told what to do and how to do things sometimes, even when offered in good faith and it being a better solution than what I’m trying.

I enjoy things that most people don’t and I detest many things that others seem to enjoy. I’ve softened somewhat over the years and can bear small amounts of detestability. In general, this revolves around entertainment such as music and movies mostly.

I’m happy to be by myself and don’t need much interaction to be satisfied. It’s not that I don’t like people, I really do. It’s more that I don’t find a large percentage particularly interesting and I often don’t feel like investing the time to go deep with them. Others though, will appear that immediately interest me. I can wait for them to show up.

I still sometimes struggle with changing tack after I’ve invested time and effort into the direction I’ve been going. Working in Thailand has definitely made me improve myself with this as changes can manifest with little warning.

In the past, I was quite contrarian, in connection with point 1 here. However, I would say that I am not at all outwardly like that these days, though the thoughts are still entertained internally!

I took this picture because this is an accurate reflection of my place in this world. At the walls of my palace sit the beasts and the jungle.

Caterpillar Youth – 31st October 2023

Your youth breaks your heart
Trying to make someone love you
Push together and pull apart
As one returns to two

In the wake of all that came
As the stories were often repeated
It’s easy to lay the blame
At the child so easily defeated

Dazzling colours hide the truth
That a butterfly is waiting
To leave behind its caterpillar youth
To a life of constant recreating

Inspired by words and parts of this post at Spinning Visions
Submitted to dVerse ‘young and green’


Today I’m feeling:

Positive and relaxed. The calm before the storm. Back in the classroom tomorrow. Looking forward to it.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the folks who have been diligently working on putting together the Jornada Del Muerta 12” over in Turkey. I can see it has been difficult for them to organise and all I’ve had to do is just send money when necessary. Hopefully, the packages turn up safely though I don’t expect to have anything for Friday which is the release date.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a haircut. My winter cut. The Lady was very busy today as the locals were all bringing their kids in, as many go back to school tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy and I went up to the book fair at the University this afternoon. Before we left I’m sure I heard her say it was at the library so when we arrived nearby I headed off in that direction. When we got there there was nothing on and Amy asked me why I came to the library!

She was annoyed with me but at the same time didn’t know where the fair was either. We got pointed in the right direction and as Amy grumpily walked back I was happily enjoying the perfect temperature and the beautiful smell of evening flowers in the air. It was good to be able to walk anyway.

Something I learned today?

Leaked documents show that Israel deliberately shot its own people when Hamas attacked them on October 7th, blaming Hamas for all the deaths. Just to justify the genocide they are now carrying out in what is left of Palestine. Other documents show plans to remove all Palestinians from Gaza and into Egypt.

I took this picture because MFU sure is photogenic at this time.

Personal Growth Junkie – 27th October 2023

Always found in the self-help section
4000 hours to find perfection
Never enough time to exercise the mind
Because excuses are easier to find

Join the green tea and chai latté set
Have you tried the ice baths yet?
Tried everything but it’s never enough
Taking deeper breaths than Wim Hof

Personal growth junkie experimenting
A life lived always just implementing
Tried until all the rules were set
Died before all the goals were met

Title borrowed from a Spinning Visions blog post though otherwise unrelated


Today I’m feeling:

Flat but at a reasonably happy level. I’m not particularly thrilled about being back in my room as I feel a little kicked out of my own house. But I will adjust. I’ve thrown out a lot of stuff that I haven’t touched for the last two years so now the room is clean and more spacious, Amy allowing my bookshelves to remain in the living room for now.

Today I’m grateful for:

The staff at Mana Mala for making my mala soup, especially for me, even admitting they made a mistake the first time and even though I had to wait I appreciated their effort.

Also grateful to those who wished me a happy birthday today – Hayden, Bronwyn, Amy (duh!), Aunwar, Porpieng, Baitong (today is her birthday too), Momo, Fah and another student who I’m not sure who they are!

The best thing about today was:

Going back to school again, not having anything to do, so enjoyed a coffee at House whilst reading and writing, then a second coffee at Utopia.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

This afternoon I had just finished tinkering around with some bits and pieces in my room and lay down to read when Amy called from inside the house asking me to come and help her. I complained that I’d just lay down but came anyway and she promised not to ask me to do anything else all weekend to which I laughed as we both know that she will. I handled it with grace and humour and now I hope to read (though I can hear the neighbour’s kids coming to play….hopefully Amy sends them away!)

Something I learned today?

I learned that next week the students will have activities so no teaching just yet. Gives me a little more time to get back into the swing of things again. I only did one lot of exercises this morning and whilst it pepped me up I was flagging by mid-afternoon. I’ll get back into it.

What is something I need to let go of?

Nothing. I embrace the good and the bad. I favour the good and acknowledge the bad. There are some emotions that I could let go of but they are just emotions. I can experience them without letting them have a negative impact.

Over time now I’m expecting to let go of my attachment to certain things. As I age,  my belongings should necessarily dwindle until they and I no longer exist.

Amy took this picture one week ago because we were enjoying our last night in Sydney. No new pictures today.

Toltec Agreements – 26th October 2023

Conditioned to live up to the image imposed
Wasting time searching for perfection
Society’s dictates are not as supposed
So stand tall to issue a rejection

Blow away the prejudice clouds
One’s own nature is found only in fact
Forget about the opinions of crowds
Practice how to think and act

Words are as powerful as bricks
Their poison remembered forever
Fall not to the devilish tricks
Of the twisted dogmas made clever

Heal the wounds held within
Another’s reality can no longer touch
Getting even is considered a sin
And never accomplishes much

No questions asked, assumptions arise
Understand and be understood
The best is the one who always tries
And whatever the result, it’s good

8th Nov 2024 – Shared with dVerse OLN #373 and What’s Going On


Today I’m feeling:

Super tired. I’m not quite ready for an early start and return to school tomorrow yet. But, that’s my new reality so it’s going to happen whether I’m ready or not.

Today I have to clean up my man cave and move back in. Amy will be happy to have me out of the house! 

Today I’m grateful for:

My working desk that almost fell apart as I was trying to move it out of the house. It did break in a couple of places but there are enough bits holding everything in place that it can still be safely used.

The best thing about today was:

The satisfaction of scrubbing the floor of my man cave clean and getting it looking almost new again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It seems there’s a problem with my stereo that keeps muting the sound at what seems like random times.  Also none of the USB ports were working on my computer after the move. I’m dealing with it by trying again tomorrow as I’ve run out of energy this evening already.

Something I learned today?

Israel’s bombing of Gaza has killed 35 UN workers helping refugees, destroyed 20 UN buildings, bombed the safe spaces they advised Gazans to go and it looks like they’ve also killed 50 Israelis that were recent hostages. It looks like they wish to completely wipeout Palestine and that will probably draw others into a bigger war.

And at the same time as the USA is arming and protecting Israel, Americans are busy killing each other in their own cities. 

Can this world find any peace?

How do I utilize my strengths on a daily basis?

Patience is the main strength that I get to utilise every day. Monday to Friday at school and then back at home with Amy for the rest of the time. I don’t mean to imply that I need to be patient all the time but that it will be tested at various times during the day.

I took this picture because the pandan has really grown over the last month and outside our back door now smells delicious!

Who Wears The Crown? – 23rd October 2023

Where the waters glisten night and day
With all the pearls of wisdom on display
There’s a bridge over untroubled waves
That draws the diamonds a gambler craves

Awash with stories, a rain with dice
There are twenty floors of a winner’s advice
A promise of the life richly deserved
Park your dreams in the spot reserved

Pearly smiles are this devil’s greeting
The chase of the highs is forever fleeting
One more roll, one more spin or turn
The future is no longer of concern
From the shore or dreams, ships depart
Into the mists of the broken heart


Today I’m feeling:

A little anxious about all the things that need to be done when we get back home but also thankful that home is there waiting for me.

(Later) Amy was straight into cleaning mode so I dashed out for coffee revival at Utopia. Once back home though I got sucked into the whirlwind.

Today I’m grateful for:

The hotel staff who helped us in the morning, the taxi driver who told us about his BYD electric car, the Thai Smile check-in staff who was very helpful with our bags, the airport staff we interacted with, the pilots for flying us home, the cabin crew who gave us a snack and water, Aing for picking us up at the airport on time, Now for washing the car (badly but I appreciate the effort), Art for a great first coffee home, the seller for his fish for our dinner. All the people in and out of my space that didn’t kill me today.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling positive and content despite all our running around. Getting back to our home was a little strange for a moment but when I jumped on the bike to go to Utopia I suddenly felt free again. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Aing and Now had two friends staying over and asked if they could stay for a couple more days. For me, it doesn’t really matter as we are still busy running around and Amy didn’t have any problem either except when we met them they didn’t say anything except hello. Amy was upset about that and I tried to rationalise it away. It’s pretty Thai style but still…

Also, despite us just getting back we had to drive into the city for dinner at Amy’s parents as her brother was here for the weekend and flies back early in the morning. It was literally, drive there, eat and drive back!

Something I learned today?

I caught up with all my Substack reading over the last couple of days so lots of stuff went into my eyes and possibly made it to my brain. I think I read one article twice without even realising it. Anyway, one thing that I do recall is a breakthrough in quantum computing. I don’t understand exactly what the machine was doing but the computation took one-millionth of a second whereas it was estimated it would take our current fastest supercomputer ten billion years to complete! That’s outrageous! But will it be useful? Time will tell.

What’s my earliest childhood memory?

I’ve answered this before and I’m a little curious if I would say the same thing now. It must be something from living in Bransty, Whitehaven. I have quite a few memories from there but can’t quite put them in order. The most important memory is from when I was 4 years old (and I even wonder now if that’s right but I’ve made it that age over the times I’ve recalled it) and crying because I didn’t want to die. I assume this may have been triggered by talking to my mum about why I didn’t have a father like other kids. Learning about death is pretty traumatic for a four-year-old.

I took this picture because I’m back home and our giant asparagus plant thing is about to do something. I don’t recall there being amazing flowers but it’s obviously part of its reproduction cycle. The other one that grew before hasn’t flowered again since it did back three or four years ago.

The Price Of Peace – 20th October 2023

Reality doesn’t care about your shoulds and shouldn’ts
The way out of suffering is the same on any scale
Would you side with peace or with the wouldn’ts?
Determined to see the negotiations fail
Does the price of peace negate your profits?
How many bodies are on your bottom line?
The brave will do the right thing to stop it
Not afraid to call the reality a crime

First two lines borrowed from Caitlin Johnstone


Today I’m feeling:

Slow but positive. Got home at around midnight and found the documentary about the making of Dogs in Space on TV so watched that and then there was a show about an explosion on an active volcanic island in New Zealand that killed 22 tourists. It was pretty compelling and kept me up til 2 am.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s co-workers to have become good friends and colleagues over the last 18 months. They were quite emotional to say goodbye today at dinner.

The best thing about today was:

Walking through Balmain down to the ferry, with a beautiful full blue Australian sky, purple jacaranda blooms scattered across the ground and the scent of jasmine everywhere.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy wants to dance this evening and I’m tired already but know that she will miss all this very much. I sat just outside in the foyer reading and finally, Amy came out.

Something I learned today?

China’s divorce rate has dropped for three years in a row. This seems surprising considering that time includes pandemic lockdowns where it would be assumed that families having to spend so much time together would get on each other’s nerves and separate easily.

What are you afraid of?

Toothache. At the wedding, I broke some more off one of my teeth whilst eating risotto of all things. The nerve isn’t exposed thankfully but it’s only a matter of time before more pieces break off and fall out. Toothache is the worst!

I’m afraid of other more existential things too but right now it’s toothache!

What am I longing for right now?

Knowing a long flight is ahead tomorrow I’m longing to be back home again.

I took this picture because it was a beautiful day to be a tourist in Sydney so that’s what we did.

Ground Run – 18th October 2023

The whole of life calls for tears
The past is done, the future coming 
Now is when the fog clears
Get ready to hit the ground running


Today I’m feeling:

Tired. I’m sleeping better but still not well so waking up feeling out of it and a little dizzy. Nothing on this morning though so can take it easy and get my brain into gear slowly.

Today I’m grateful for:

Mei and Haken again for picking up all of Amy’s donations this evening after sharing a nice dinner of tapas with them and their friends.

The best thing about today was:

Taking the ferry from Drummoyne to Olympic Park and seeing every single house and apartment that we are likely never to be able to afford along the way. Sydney is a wealthy city, or in a lot of debt.

Something I learned today?

Watching a documentary today about abandoned places, I learned about an old nuclear missile silo somewhere in the USA that housed the biggest baddest bombs of the time but due to technological advances had become obsolete and abandoned after only three years.

What is an experience that changed my perspective?

My experience of being in Thailand has certainly changed my perspective on many things and is highlighted by my return to Australia where I now feel a little out of place again. Perhaps it is the switch from country living to being back in the city again though. I guess I’m a country boy at heart. The slower quieter life.

I took this picture because it was certainly a beautiful day on the Harbour. This was Amy’s view every morning as she went to work.

Aching Bone – 15th October 2023

Everyone has got an aching bone
Something imperfect inside
The picture may be pretty
But there’s always something to hide

Flat feet, terrible teeth
The flaws remain concealed
There’s lipstick on the cover
In the morning the truth revealed

Bad breath and wrinkled eyes
The Botox is wearing off
The aching bone is constantly nagging
Unable to look pretty and cough

As I was waiting somewhere, my left foot aching from fallen arches, a pretty girl walked by, drawing my eyes. Perfect on the outside, what is her fallen arch? Her hidden aching bone?


Today I’m feeling:

(1.40 am) still awake with a headache.

(3pm) When I finally got to sleep it was deep and with no real morning planned for, I slept until 11am and headed off to coffee and Tom’s new shop on the bus. Even then I didn’t quite wake up until I started browsing the books in the shop, of which he had curated a good selection and I picked up about five. It was good to see Tom too, he looks like he’s doing well these days. 

I walked over to Newtown which was really nice to do, past old buildings and streets I used to drive through.

I got to Moshpit and met Bob and Julian and the band turned up and I caught up with everyone again. Nicely nostalgic and not too weird, even though it’s a Sunday afternoon and I have other places to go to soon.

Today I’m grateful for:

Tom and 19th Nervous Breakdown for buying me coffee, giving me CDs and only charging me 20 bucks for 5 books and a CD. Good man!

Also to Julian for covering the cost of my ticket to the show today. Good man! 

The best thing about today was:

Catching up with Shouwang and Carsick Cars again and talking about the good old days, I suppose. It seems like in Beijing these aren’t the good old days anymore.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Apart from my sleep there was nothing much that couldn’t be easily handled. I didn’t even eat until 7 pm except a Snicker Bars which took off another piece of tooth after losing a bit last night whilst eating bread rolls. I guess that was out of my control but thankfully the filling is still intact so there’s no pain at the moment.

Something I learned today?

Thanks to Dave I learned too much about chickens and limestone. I’m somewhat jealous of people like Bronwyn and Dave who are just able to keep talking even if it’s not that interesting or relevant. I noticed Dave checking himself occasionally before he started wandering off into conspiracy land though he did end up getting into something but I can’t even remember what it was now because it was just so dumb.

Who do I need to spend time with?

I need to spend more time with Amy and to settle back into a comfortable routine that will work for me again. I know there will not be enough time to do all the things I’ve been used to and Amy will have me busy doing things.

I took this picture because it’s been a good while since I got my ears blasted at a show.

Signals – 11th October 2023

I didn’t ask to be me
Yet here I am
Not excited or proud to be
But that’s what I am
Why can’t I be you
There you are
I like your point of view
And what you are
Together is community
Made from many mes
All signals of society
The mes, the yous, the wes

inspired by the first paragraph of the introduction to Wallace Shawn’s Essays


Today I’m feeling:

I woke up feeling pretty great as the sun was coming up. Unfortunately, it was just the street lights from outside, I’d only slept for three hours and it was 1.30 in the morning. 

I eventually got back to sleep and Amy woke me up again at around 10.30. I still wanted to sleep more but forced myself up.

Amy is showing me around the area now, like the tourist I’m actually feeling. I’d forgotten how big Australians are. Loud too!

A successful shopping expedition has me dressed for dinner tonight and the wedding on Saturday. I feel fucked though and will perhaps sleep a little despite three shots of Campos.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding new shirts and pants at reasonable prices (for Australia) at Birkenhead Point. It’s nice to be in a place where there is lots of choice for me. In Thailand, it is difficult to find nice clothes in my size. Anything that really attracts me is usually made for skinny Thai boys.

The best thing about today was:

Doing 10000 steps without realising. In the evening after cocktails and tapas, we walked from Barangaroo to Haymarket then back through Chinatown and up George Street to catch the bus back. It was cold in the wind but perfect out of it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Today was about going with the flow which meant letting go of control. Amy continued as my tour guide through new areas of the city and I enjoyed it very much.

One thing I noted was that just outside Paddy’s Market a family car had stopped in the middle of the road and a big old Ute couldn’t get past and the guy inside kept leaning on his horn. That doesn’t happen in country town Thailand. No one will toot their horn, they’ll just wait or even get out for a sticky beak to see what the situation is. I can imagine in Bangkok it’s a little different but that’s what I’m used to in sleepy Chiang Rai.

Something I learned today?

As Amy and I were walking up to the bus stop I could see that I have changed. I now walk much slower than her, now moving at the speed of a Tropic dweller, just as I remember having to slow down when visiting my friends in Malaysia.

The peculiarities of Australians feel mildly annoying but I know that that is my fault, not theirs. It is something that makes me feel like I’m a tourist again.

What am I nervous or anxious about?

I’m anxious about Amy’s return to Thailand and how she will deal with things. Anxious about next April and the air pollution and the possibility of being able to escape it for a while.

That’s about it really.

I took this picture because that’s not a bad view from the bar we’re drinking at.

Carcasses – 8th October 2023

Held together with string
These bones are grey
No more gifts to bring
And just empty words to say

Thrown onto the pile
Then deleted
A last goodbye smile
Broken and defeated

Whilst wheels are turning
They often roll on clear
And all the bridges burning
No longer bring the fear

Not meant to thrive
And natural to decay
Barely kept alive
Forever felt this way

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions about the changing relationships of friendship over time.


Today I’m feeling:

A bit more lively at first but after an hour or two there’s some aching eye muscles. Again, tired but not sleepy. I have things I want to get done this morning though so I’ll push on through.

Today I’m grateful for:

Aing to come from Bangkok and take care of our cats for a couple of weeks whilst I go to Australia. Amy and I both appreciate that a lot.

The best thing about today was:

Chatting with Boss and Noey over coffee this morning.

Playing guitar for an hour again.

Dinner at Mana Mala with Aing.

All equal and taking up a majority of the day.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Time feels like it is flying out of control at the moment and I’m wondering what I will have to drop in the future as I don’t think I can keep going like this! Just stay flexible and ride the wave wherever it takes you.

Something I learned today?

Both Noey and Boss (at Utopia) broke up with their partners recently. Boss seemed a little down today so maybe he’s still dealing with it but Noey said she was over it a couple of days after the breakup. She also says she’s not that interested in finding another boyfriend and that most boys here are too short for her!

What is my deepest hope?

Ridiculous I know but I vote for the old-fashioned world peace. I mean that is my ‘deepest’ hope.

Other hopes are for personal health, happiness and satisfaction. Likewise for my friends and family and then outwards from there to the rest of the world.

I have a minor hope that Amy will be happy back here in Thailand for a while at least.

Hope both our cats can stay healthy for another ten years.

I can control some of these things to a small degree and won’t be disappointed if something out of my control sees these hopes dashed. 

Did you have any bad ideas this year?

I reckon I have bad ideas every five minutes but now I’m smart enough not to act on them. 

There’s not been anything that stands out on initial thought. I also haven’t really been attempting anything unusual or challenging that I might regret.

Maybe some ideas could have been executed better; I’m thinking about the record label mostly here. As I’m a little bit out of the loop with things going on around the Asian music scene it’s getting tougher for me to know who to promote to.

As I’m writing I’m getting a crazy idea to do a 7” for my friends in Stacked State as they are just about to release a new CD. That may be a bad idea financially but it’s not about the money.

I took this picture because P’ti is happy keeping guard in the shop window. I wish our cats could be so comfortable around other people. Coincidentally, check the picture from October 9th 2022!