Tag: Atrox

The Safest Space – 2nd June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In my orbit, looking down
Twenty-six thousand kilometres per hour
Is the earth spinning?
Am I moving?
It’s safe up here
In the most dangerous place
Nearly on earth
Nearby goes Elon’s debris
Who was he when he was alive?
I have so many questions
Like why won’t they let me return?
Unable to experience the thrill of danger
With feet back on the ground
I remember the old pictures
From encyclopedias tattered and worn
The lights of humanity
Turning on in darkness…

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired, it took a bit of effort to not snooze my alarm but I got going and did some chest exercises again along with a distracted meditation. A cold shower and breakfast and I got going, feeling good and upbeat.

Today I’m grateful for:

Paul (Fatty) for contacting me to advise he’ll put out a vinyl album of Atrox, the band I was thrilled to join back in 1984 or 1985. I didn’t do any studio recording with them but there are a couple of live tapes with me and maybe he will use some of those. I’m cool with the idea though joked about having two hundred copies left over under his bed. We also admitted that neither of us even owns record players anymore!

The best thing about today was:

At lunchtime, I came back to school a little early from House where I’d enjoyed coffees after my morning class. I went over to the new building where the little store is to buy some rice crackers and my new grade 10 students shouted to me from the third floor.
With an hour to spare, I went up to meet them and they were in good spirits as their teacher hadn’t shown up for their class. They had lots of fun interrogating me about tattoos and piercings and they seemed happy and comfortable to be able to talk with me.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got frustrated at my last class of students as they were all spread out around the room shouting ‘teacher, teacher ‘ whilst I was trying to sort things out. I banged the table really hard and shouted at them to be quiet and if they had a problem they need to come and ask me not just shout from where they are. I asked them if they treated their parents like this at home shouting for help from their bedroom. They were stunned into silence.
Though I was loud and a little angry at the behaviour, I wasn’t upset and smiled at them for being quiet. The rest of the class went ok after that and I think they get it now, more than last year. They have a little better understanding of the limits with me and more self-control.
Whilst this was going on Noah and little Nicha were nagging me to go to the bathroom but I had asked them to wait whilst I checked their phones were set up correctly. I’d just sent them off when I had my meltdown. I came over to help Nicha after they got back and she looked very upset and Noah said she wasn’t feeling well. They were still around at the end of class and Nicha was adjusting her skirt with Noah’s help. Nicha picked up another skirt and said ‘teacher, look’ and there was blood on it. She had borrowed another skirt from a classmate. I told her not to worry, that it happens sometimes and it’s just a normal thing and Noah said the same to try and comfort her.
As with many situations with kids she soon appeared to get over it and was laughing and playing about twenty minutes later in the playground. After all this excitement though I realised that I had hurt my vocal cords shouting so loudly and I’m pretty sure my throat will be sore in the morning and I just hope it doesn’t lead to a cold or flu.

Something I learned today?

When I got home and sat down to eat, a video recommendation on youtube came up about classroom management that was totally appropriate to my day. I’m not sure I need to implement the good ideas from it just yet but it also made me realise that I do have a great rapport with about 90% of the students in each of my classes and we can and will work out the classroom together.

What am I looking forward to this month?

I look forward to every day. I look forward to nothing in particular. When I look back I can see forward.

Amy’s friend took this picture as part of a video because she was impressed that Amy could sing Aussie karaoke in the pub so well. In the picture is another Amy that my little Amy met and they decided to do this duet which I think was a Fleetwood Mac song.

You’re my only friend, and you don’t even like me – 17th April 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I don’t like no-one, well except for you

A wild and willing 16-year-old, somehow I got into town and searched out like-minded comrades in teenage delinquency, knowing they would be gathering at Capones, a hotel room situated atop a dirty multi-storey car park in the centre, up from the church where you’d find green-haired youths sitting on gravestones with their bottles of Merrydown. Like joining any cult I knew no one but was accepted immediately as a member because I had already made the choice, they recognised the signs, the ripped clothes, the safety pins and messed up hair, so they joined me as much as I joined them.

So I talked to someone who had patches on their sleeves of names that I recognised and made friends. I told of my knowledge of American bands of this hardcore genre and this guy suggested I meet his friend and so started at long close friendship, that very night him being recruited to play bass guitar in the band Shock To The System and me later joining them when they changed their name to Atrox (shock); all through this friendship that started in that dim hall.

Young and rebellious we rejected the ways of our parents (ha!) and strove for a better world (in our ignorant teenage minds). Through dramas and drugs we were close in outlook and preferences, taking trips down to Bournemouth in the evenings of our early twenties to look back and wonder where this new new generation was going wrong. (I later realised it was us who were going wrong but that’s a longer story).

Proud and cynical we thrived off each other’s dark outlooks, revelling in the glory of life’s disaster. Myself the more adventurous of the pair I took initiatives when needed and we helped each other through several bands and a couple of publications. To look back now and see the tiny streams of change is easy, though I didn’t recognise them as such then, they soon turned into rivers which would not be turned back and this year would be the crucial year in our separation as friends.

The emotional heartache I went through was tough but I realised that by trying to remain friends was like paddling the canoe against the tide, no matter how hard I tried to make it up the river I was always pushed back, and what kind of friendship is that, when all effort is countered? I turned the canoe around and found myself in the vast oceans of love and warmth that others offered me. Myself as Mr Cynical was no more.

pic: screenshot from this video taken in January 1984 – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNll6PtC9qM – where I bounce around in front of the band Confessions of Sin, proudly showing off my hand-made Better Youth Organisation t-shirt. I thought I was really something – I was really something else.

Hate That Smile – Energise – 14th June 1988

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Alex Vann: Drums 
Rich Waitland: Guitar/Vocals 
Paul Chambers: Bass/Vocals 
Paul Simmons: Guitar 
Shaun Hemsley: Vocals

26th Feb 2021 – Not certain about the date for this but 1988 would be correct. This was the first iteration of Hate That Smile. Rich left fairly soon after recording this as we started to want to play more shows and I think he had young kids at the time and wasn’t able to commit his time. If I remember correctly I joined the band a little later after formation and still wasn’t sure about how to sing some of Paul’s lyrics so he and Rich ended up singing their songs in the studio.

Alex, the two Paul’s and I had all played together in Atrox which disbanded after Dave Redfern and Charlie Mason went off to university. I’m not sure of the genesis of Hate That Smile anymore. I think the Paul C came up with the name though not sure what the meaning was behind it. This was the time of the rise of Acid House music and raves which adopted the smiley face symbol and I found an image that was similar but the smile had been manipulated into something a little more sinister. I got 500 stickers made up and spread them everywhere I could around my little town. I don’t think they had any impact.

I still enjoy listening to these songs and we felt part of the much larger punk scene of the time though musically sometimes it’s hard to see where we fit in. I was always critical of my vocal skills, especially as this band needed a strong singer and not so much a shouter (which I also wasn’t particularly good at anyway) but considering how badly I sing these days I think I gave it a fair shot. The music holds up as interesting and I was happy with the lyrics I was contributing.

Survivors – 28th May 1988

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*Woke up this morning, rubbed the dust from my eyes
Had to live again the life I despise
No use pretending I was born free
I was given eyes, but they’re not to see
Drew back the curtains to view the outside
And to my disbelief, I realised the world had died
Couldn’t understand why I was alive
And there was no one to hear my fear-fraught cry*

Been through pain and back again
We’ll survive to the end
Seen the hate confronting me
I will not concede

You’ll feel alive if you can survive

What you always wanted to be
Too hard to believe
Take your chance to be free
You will achieve

You just can’t convince me now
I have the right to feel so proud
You just can’t control my mind
I’m taking back what was always mine

*These lyrics were originally written by someone in Atrox (possibly Charlie Mason) for the song Is This Tomorrow…?

Paler Shade of Black, Atrox, Suicide Pact, All The Glory – West Indian Club, Southampton, Hampshire, UK – 19th September 1985

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Diary entry: Last (Atrox) gig in Southampton. Went really well.

12th Feb 2021 – A Thursday night, no less. Not being too familiar with Southampton after having only been there a couple of times, we often got misdirected by the locals, whether by accident or folks not appreciating these scruffy young punks in their city.

We did establish many lifelong friendships from these times though. The West Indian Club was a magical place (in my mind now) though I had no real idea of the workings of organising shows or even understanding how sound was mixed in a live situation. I just stood on the stage and shouted as loud as I could and hoped I could be heard. Folks seemed to enjoy it, either way.

*The Week That Was – 5th August 1985

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Record of the week: (Group at Waterlooville that played for 4 hours), Hawkwind (still)

7th August 1985
Fuckin’ ace practice at Dorchester. Really good laugh.
8.5

8th August 1985
Had gig in Southampton. Fuckin’ excellent laugh though it took two and a half hours to find. Bought B.G.K. and Mornington Crescent 7″s and fanzines.
9

10th August 1985
Worked in morning. Went to Waterlooville in afternoon/evening with Paul, Nicky and Ken. Had a fuckin’ fine time.
10

11th August 1985
Came back at 9am. Crabby drove up near to Basingstoke. Quite a laugh. Went down Stocks. I got merrily drunk.
8

*The Week That Was – 29th April 1985

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Record of the week: Atrox – live (yeah!), Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody

29th April 1985
Working with other bloke called Ken. He’s all right.

30th April 1985
Found out tonight that I’ve been laid off until the end of the week.

1st May 1985
Paul rang up tonight. We’ve got a gig tomorrow.

2nd May 1985
Busy remembering our lyrics. Went to Bridport. Had a fuckin’ good laugh. Gig was OK. Sound wasn’t too hot. Me and Chaz had a thrashing comp. I won.

3rd May 1985
Got pissed. Perry stayed the night. I puked out of window.

4th May 1985
Woke Bennett at 7.50 am, pissed around all day.

5th May 1985
Found out not working for rest of week.