What I Am Not – 20th February 2024

Looking up into the darkness of the night
I could have been an astronaut exploring space
Tuned into the Sydney Olympics that time
I could have been the one that won the race

Trudging through the muddy fields in Autumn
We were as soldiers marching off to war
Or on the school fields, shoes for posts
We were the team with the winning score

Racing Matchbox cars down twisted tracks
I will be the one praised with champagne and girls
The architect of the biggest castles
And a new country whose flag unfurls

But would I always come out on top
With the skills that I have got?
I may not know so very much
But I do know what I’m not

Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge #318


Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. I notice that I’ve been waking up before my alarm recently and with my aching shoulder meaning a lot of tossing and turning during the night along with Cap wanting the door opened a couple of times to go in and out, I’m pretty tired too.

Today I’m grateful for:

Getting new tyres on the car today.  I couldn’t really tell the difference but after five or six years I guess it was time.

The best thing about today was:

Having a couple more reading classes in groups of five or six again.  It’s a lot of fun even though it means leaving the rest of the class to their own devices until it is their turn.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Just as I was leaving this morning Amy told me that after my first class, I have to go and wait at the car service place until our car is ready, which is hopefully before I’m due back at school!  I was looking forward to spending time at the cafe, reading and writing but I guess it doesn’t matter too much as I can do that at the car service place too.

So, after class, I grabbed a takeaway coffee, went to Mum’s, picked up Amy and with a slight detour got to the car service.  It was around 11.30 by now and Amy said they thought everything should be done by 12 so we sat around waiting. I did some lesson planning for a while and then someone came and told us that everyone was on a break now and that the car won’t be ready until later.

We tried to work out what to do next as I had to come back to school and Amy was off to visit Nut.  How would I get back from school to pick up the car?  Amy didn’t want to have to drive back to pick me up.  I figured I could get a Grab from school though that would be a pain in the ass as it is really busy around the school at that time.

Whilst we were thinking about this they said that we could pay now and it was then that Amy discovered she didn’t have her credit card and would have to go home and get it and come back anyway!  So I said that she may as well come and pick me up too!

So, I don’t know if that makes any sense but all in all it was a waste of two hours with absolutely nothing achieved from that running around.

If I had been the one that had forgotten the card I would never have heard the end of it and I gently reminded Amy of this fact, taking a minute to shine in the glory of not the one being at fault this time.  I’m sure this will soon be reversed by something relatively inconsequential that I will be admonished for.

So, ultimately I handled it with smug satisfaction and a little bit of annoyance.

Something I learned today?

I learned that Baipad didn’t do anything special or get any gift from her mum for her birthday which is a bit sad to hear.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I like to think that remaining calm and adaptable to the situation described above was a good deed.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  19. There’s No End Game. We, as a species, just are. Don’t try to figure it all out. Enjoy your journey.

OK, I know that we just are, life is meaningless and I am still enjoying the journey very much.  

But I also think it’s ok to try and figure things out as much as I can.  For myself, not for the world.  I just want to figure out how to make my world the best I can and slowly I see it improving.

Fah took these pictures because my phone was sitting on my desk where she was taking notes from my laptop screen. They were a surprise to me when I went to see what photos I had taken today.

Diaper – 27th July 2021

When love has gone wrong
Run off to dark spaces
Desperately clinging to hope
Remembering those embraces

Butterflied chest and tears
And seething like a viper
In the car for 20 hours
Wearing an adult diaper

A last romantic gesture
To mend your broken heart
May push away with vigour
Forever to be apart

Don’t laugh at their madness
When Eros too was your sniper
At one time or another
We’ve all worn the diaper

Inspired by We Learn Nothing by Tim Kreider, recalling bad reactions to broken hearts


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the preserved cabbage that we got given by the Chinese students who went back to China. It was yummy.


I ended up sleeping at around 7.30 last night and I’m glad I did. Still felt dizzy and tired this morning but my mood picked up after my first class of the day.

Tigger is in the hospital again and Amy and I went to see him at lunchtime. He has some dodgy blood level count which seems to indicate a kidney problem but the vet said we caught it quickly before he had organ failure again.

I’m glad I cancelled teaching yesterday and tomorrow. I’ll have one class tonight after school but like I mentioned yesterday I’m in the right frame of mind as I already have the natural tension from teaching at school.

Perhaps I’ve been working too hard recently but I feel compelled to be doing things. The quote from Ryan Holiday that we are human ‘beings’ and not human ‘doings’ was interesting to me as at this time, with lockdowns and everything, we are not actually ‘being’ as much as we would like. I am always ‘doing’, I never stop doing things, and those things keep me happy. Sometimes I get too focused on some things when I could be doing more, perhaps around the house or in the garden, for example.

Sometimes I wish all my stuff was in the house (as opposed to my man cave outside), especially as I would have my music playing all day long, and would read books on the terrace more. Now I feel like I have to do all my things in my room so it divides everything up into ‘my’ time and ‘other’ time. It’s a first-world problem in a third-world country!