Woke up this morning feeling pretty damn good. Perhaps due to the bowl of veggies and potatoes I ate for lunch yesterday? I should be trying to fill up on veggies whenever I can. A lot of food shops here skimp on them.
Hayden woke me this morning to wish me a happy birthday and he seems in a pretty good state of mind too. There’s hope for the Hemsleys yet!
For lunch, we’ll go to Amy’s parents and I may even indulge in a little alcohol and be prepared to write off tomorrow and maybe even Friday too! I still don’t have the taste for it, though a whiskey for these cooler nights might be OK.
Tag: birthday
Here We Go Again – 29th June 2021
We’re off to the office
Where the witches never smile
What should take 5 minutes
Is sure to take a while
It’s a dreaded moment
Waiting for confirmation
This time can be no mistakes
On my visa application
……
Luckily it was quiet today
No one in the queue
And even the witches were happy
With nothing much to do
In and out like a flash
I get to stay another sixty days
I hope it’s this easy next time
So I can enjoy my stays
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful today as it’s Amy’s birthday and we will have a nice lunch together at Le Meridian. She will also help at immigration to apply for my new visa. I am so happy to have her in my life.
Amy’s birthday today. 42 years old. Still a young ‘un.
I didn’t feel so fantastic this morning – slight sore throat and headache but I still did some morning exercise and talked myself out of feeling worse.
I’m happy that on Monday to Thursday, I have 2/9 each morning as they are mostly good students and we can have fun together. And sure enough, by the end of the class, I was in a calm enough mood to deal with Amy’s crankiness as we prepared things for my visa application and my house registration document. Ironic that we are getting around to getting this as I’ve got it in my head that we will go back to Australia in the future.
Well, we got that all sorted easily enough and headed off to Le Meridian for a lovely lunch with lots of bread and it was a struggle to eat so much!
Anyway, the rest of the day was fine. Greeted by Tangmo as I came home, played a bit, pulled some weeds and then Amy and I did some Just Dance as she wants to do some more exercise. It was fun, and I even beat her. I think we’ll both sleep well tonight.
All in all, a good day. Got to prepare myself for my busy teaching day tomorrow and try to orgnaise what else we will do in classes for the rest of the week.
We got that attitude! – 22nd April 2021
I am so happy and grateful to my cousin Sharon. She sent me an email on my mum’s birthday with a picture of her garden and a plant my mum gave her.
Society’s glue bag smothers – 26th June 2020
Looking forward to a good day today. Coriky on jukebox – don’t know song title.
Fun dream last night. Met Cake – she is still cool. Wonder when I’ll see her again. Muslim food – Yum.
Amy happy – friends moving near here – excellent news. Update Coach app – new habits – feel myself improving. Watched Sydney Swans game last night but that wasn’t fun.
Dodgy knee maybe okay now?! Realise last night that it’s not hurting anymore. Fix my toe next?! Hope. Bubble of hope. Rubber bubble of hope! Someone fix my neck forever! But don’t kill me I don’t want to die yet. Gonna happen any time. History – doomed to repeat it. Humans innit?
De Lanna by the river – enjoy your thoughts flowing by.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I spent time to put up our decorative lights last night. It was fun and they look cool.
To-do list
- Compliment – silent wishes – savour ½
- Finish audio for ‘good friends’ clip ✅
- Get next blog post ready ½
- Record new TCRAH in evening? ½
- Scan photos
Now it’s Monday evening. The weekend was a little bit of everything and I was either lazy or too busy to write here but I’ve been feeling fine, getting things done and keeping my head straight. I didn’t get enough sleep last night though – it was Amy’s 41st birthday – dinner with her, her grandmum, mum and dad – and drama.
Anyway, I need to sleep so will come back and write more tomorrow, along with an updated checklist.
Our final day of freedom before students return to school tomorrow. The last two days have been lazy, hot and humid with nice bright sunshine. Though as I’m writing another storm has blown in from the mountains. It’s lovely to cool down but damn, that rain is cold and the air is still warm.
Feeling good again today doing bits and pieces for my blog, a little bit of video editing and drinking coffee. I cannot complain about my life situation currently. I’m happy to be healthy and able to enjoy it. I’ll try to maintain it.
Poison in a pretty pill – 15th January 2018
One of the very few nights I managed to sleep the recommended amount of hours and so far, I feel suitably alert. That could soon change after a couple of hours staring numbly at this computer screen.
It’s Monday morning and it’s been a while since I was working a regular day shift. Night times and weekends it’s so quiet here it makes you nervous to even sneeze. It’s somewhat comforting to hear the bustle of work and the earnestness of people discussing technical solutions.
One thing that I have developed as a pet peeve though is the absolute authoritative statement. There are a few folks here who talk as if their word is definitive and their tone implies that there is no point to discuss anything further. How can people be so secure in their knowledge of the world, of everything, that they already know that they cannot be convinced otherwise? This shows me a stagnant mind. No room to grow, no room to learn.
These people are usually men and usually older. Though it’s even more excruciating to hear younger men talking like this, you can almost hear their minds closing up already, sealing shut. The older men’s voices sound authoritative and dead. A resignation that things just won’t get better. ‘Things were better in my day’. Maybe it’s the work environment, some kind of unsaid competition. I never want to subscribe to this thinking, despite sometimes catching myself doing the same. I think I avoid it mostly and it is a reason little kids like me so much, they can recognise the essentially childish wonder I have, the interest in the details, the awe of the world.
This attitude seems less prevalent in women and the one or two times I have come across it, it has been scary. I’m not a macho kind of person. I was raised by my mother after my father died when I was 18 months old. I naturally learned the female perspective, a different view of things. I fought against this as a teenager, trying to put my own stamp on my personality and eventually on the other side of it, became more comfortable in a more feminine environment. I generally prefer the less competitive company of females. I’m not into cars, muscles, action movies and getting pissed with the boys. Not that I have rejected everything masculine – I can still be a beer drinking, sports-loving yahoo from time to time but mostly I enjoy these things alone where I can make an ass of myself, just to myself.
The Crass album ‘Penis Envy’ also made a big impression on my developing teenage mind too.
Sordid sequences in brilliant life!
Supports, and props, and punctuation
To our flowing realities and realisations
We’re talking with words that have been used before
To describe us as goddesses, mothers and whores
Describe us as women, to describe us as men
Set out the rules of this ludicrous game
And then it’s played very carefully, a delicate balance;
A masculine/feminine perfect alliance
Does the winner take all? What love in your grasping?
What vision is left, and is anyone asking?
I still had lots of growing pains when it came to love, sex and relationships with women though. I could be a master manipulator when I wanted to be. There are things I have done in the past that I now wish I hadn’t but I must acknowledge they were part of my own learning process and got me here where I am today. It takes a lot of effort to be 100% true to your convictions and there are times when we fail. Things aren’t always black and white.
—
The last few days my phone calls with Amy have been pretty short. There’s never much to report on my side and work on our house has slowed somewhat now.
I’ve been thinking about this period of time that I’ve been in Adelaide, away from Amy. It’s never felt like you imagine a long distance relationship to be. The goal we are working towards keeps us bound together completely. Just because we don’t see each other every day doesn’t mean we are not together. This is helped by our own securities, something that I may not have had the strength to contemplate when I was younger though.
I am already visualising looking back on this time as some kind of dream. It’s just something I’m doing rather than something I’m being. It was a bit of struggle before and during Christmas but with the turn of the new year, it finally feels like a countdown to the realisation of our plans.
Writing up the diary entries for 1994 has made me think about why I don’t really enjoy Christmas and new year celebrations. I’m not a big birthday or holiday celebrator in the first place and have often been alone at these times but looking back at the events at the end of 1993 I wonder how much of an impact they have made on my psyche. It’s not something I’ve really consciously considered for a long time. It’s also not that I mind joining in celebrations either, though I don’t find anything particularly special about certain dates to participate in them – let’s enjoy ourselves every day. A cliche, I know.
Look old – 29th June 2009
Facebook post:
Awesome Amy’s birthday today! She’s started to look old too…..;-p
Buy this! – 27th October 2008
10:30 am – If you want to wish me a Happy Birthday then buy some CDs off me!
12:47 pm – Thanks for the birthday wishes! No, really! All 1,000 CDs are now sold! No, not really!
*Operations – 6th September 1998
Email with TLJ
T: how’s your day been so far? hope it’s going well. apparently, sheera’s real name is princess adora – hah! pat wrote and told us all. anyway, sorry for keeping you up last night. still want to hear everything you did last night. real tired, only had about 5 hours sleep – how about you. anyway, how come you haven’t emailed me yet?
just doing sdd stuff. got a timesheet to do. email me babe.
S: Only just got here sweety. Remember I went to the doctors this morning. I have to have an ultrasound and may need surgery! Not sure if the Workers Comp will cover that and worried they might want all the money back. I’m real tired too. I wish you were here.
Missing you. Need coffee.
I mean REALLY missing you. Not the normal every day missing you that I day but a long heart aching miss of your breath on my cheek…..
T: i’m sorry you have so many things wrong with you (though i think you’re perfect!).
anyway, had the weirdest dream….I was supposed to meet my SDD group at 11am, and mel (from my sdd group) had sent invitations for this dinner/party at her house, that started at 1, and she didn’t want anyone turning up later than 1. anyway, in actuality, i don’t know what mel thinks of me, cause when we were doing sdd, we weren’t really on the same wavelength in understanding each other – but we were the two that knew and understood the most about it, but i left it to her to compile our documentation together – so the fact she invited me was weird – and i was really eager to see what her husband looked like – (just curious, because she talks about him sometimes).
anyway, when i got to uni whilst waiting for the sdd meeting, i went to see this performance, and they were giving out free magnums (the iceblocks – the food had to come in somewhere) and I saw eric and told him i couldn’t sell his friend my SM textbook. he said it was ok.
then i realised it was 2pm, and i had missed the sdd meeting AND mel’s party – but was still keen to go to mel’s.
also, i didn’t have anything to take to mel’s and thought she’d resent me even more if I didn’t take anything along – so i went to shop for wine, and met some other people on this grassy hill (kathleen was there for some of my dream).
anyway, that’s not the wierd part. i was phoning you from outside your office – like at csc when you ring from the phone just outside the door, but our lines crossed and i started talking to your boss jacqui and you.
anyway, she sounded like a real bitch and really sarcastic, so I decided to muck around with her a bit – being a real smartarse. and she was sarcastically asking for paper for the printer or something, and i was feeling pretty smug saying shit back to her.
then she hung up, and i got a scare because she burst out the door and grabbed hold of me and told me i was never going to work at csc ever!!!!!!!!!
i think it was a premonition. anyway, sorry to bore you with my dream, but it was so vivid, and funny that i dreamed it. i even remember what jacqui looked like and was wearing!
anyway, please explain it to me. i couldn’t write anything raunchy last email cause i was talking to the first year who thinks i am a militant lesbian, and well, i couldn’t ruin the fantasy for him!!!!!!
S: Not sure I can explain but it’s funny as fuck! Lucky you not having to ever work at CSC!! Not sure I like you being someone else’s fantasy. I think you should be just mine – actually I guess you are my reality (as you help me with my fantasies). Anyway – don’t want them thinking funny things about you. Tell them you have a mean mother of a boyfriend who’ll come beat him up. You never bore me sweety. Oh yeah – I’m still missing you.
Lots to say but too little time and also brain is on go slow due to tiredness. Mail me all day though!!
S: Ahh, yr the sweetest little thing
T: i remember after she came and yelled at me though, that i’d blown my chances and i’d never be able to work at CSC – and i was real disappointed. do you think jacqui would do that to me?
S: Anything to get things the way she wants them – watch out babe this is the real world and prepare to be crushed.
T: will keep emailing you. hearing from you is fun. missing you too babe.
S: I love the ding of new mail
T: just physio tonight?
S: Yes. and sleep at last.
T: i think our family is living on the edge and perhaps going indian tonight – cause nat’s bored with chinese.
S: Well, that’s what i was thinking last night while I was talking to Dharmini!!!! ONLY JOKING – DON’T HIT ME – well not til I’m ready.
T: we didn’t get mum anything so i feel bad, but i hope the party we throw her will cheer her up.
S: Is she unhappy – how can you tell.
T: anyway, i’ll keep looking. dad made croissants this morning, and kath got her chocolates and dried apricots or something (though mum made it pretty clear to her she didn’t want chocolates or flowers this year!) but dad
doesn’t seem to get the message – how could anyone not want chocolates and flowers i ask you? or kitchen appliances for that matter – or irons………..
S: Someone to iron too hey
T: real tired as well, though my fingers aren’t keeping up with the brain so well (what’s new) – and there’s so much i’d like to tell ya. notice the length of my mails to yours – mine’s longer – but what’s new? – ha!
S: I’m sorry but I’m happy. Thanks for your beautiful time
T: i’m full of energy babe, full of you, tlj
S: I’m full of you and I’ll be full of energy too if you come right here and sit on my lap.
Soon, sooner, soonest
T: that dharmini comment’s the funniest thing i’ve heard all week – can’t stop laughing – i look like a git. man that was such a good call…….you bastard!
S: I’ll take that as a compliment!
T: love the name. also love ari for a girl.
S: The singer in the Slits was called Ari Up.
T: anyway, if you’re that bored with chinese, try something else.
S: Well, I’m not, so there!
T: now you tell me, what’s irish and spanish cuisine like? heard an awful lot about the tapas and paellas – fiery!
S: Jeez, man you the one who watches all the cooking progs on TV. Din’t you see Iain Hewitson (or whatever his fat name is) do his tour of European cuisine. Only remember Italy actually but sure they went to Spain too. As for Irish they just eat anything and potatoes and you have to drink ten pints of Guiness at lunch time then it doesn’t matter what the food tastes like.
T: love to try them all one day, won’t stop til i’ve tasted all the nations – i’m very multicultural.
S: Watch out for Pauline. Yes – we’ll try them together – you go the meat I’ll go the veggies (cos I’m cool and yr not)
T: quick thinking – i thought you were tired, but you’re just crude.
S: Don’t understand this comment
T: i hate that in a man, and in english food – getting fucking tired of just plain old bangers and mash!
S: What the fick are talking bout sweety. PLEASE EXPLAIN!
T: better keep me satisfied babe, tlj.
S: Well, howm ah doing?
T: ps – HA!
S: PS HA2! Loving ya sexy
T: well, you vague little thing – you say you’re getting bored with Chinese, so I’m a gonna get bored with english. get it? you were talking bout girls (I was talking about food)
S: Ah, well now I understand you see cos you are always thinking bout food and I’m always thunking bout girls and in particular one little cute girl on the end of these mails, namely you , you understand.
T: so know i’m talking about both – men and food (bangers and mash and you). still don’t get it? i’ve gotta go.
S: Yr gone.
T: have fun, love tlj. ps – you’ve kept me entertained this morning. thanks babe.
S: The same!
White Man, you, you just starting to get the blues – 27th October 1994
I climb out of the comfort of the bed, over sleeping Broni. I stumble in the half blindness of the early hours of the morning to the toilet, I feel like something’s following me. While I stand over the toilet I recall some of my dream, it’s pretty hazy but it felt big, it was a big dream, scary and huge and I kinda woke and everything felt strange and I realised where I was in this world and how I’d got here and what I was going through subconsciously, emotionally. It was big. I got scared, climbed back into bed and went to sleep to mad dreams.
When I woke up it was my birthday and after initial happiness and some present receiving a big gloom set in for the morning which Broni helped me out of in the afternoon and we went out to a bar and I thought back to times when we’d sit in pubs in England and relax for the afternoon for a couple of beers and just waste time, and maybe everything had been catching up with me and I’d been making a bigger deal out of smaller things when they didn’t go quite right.
We went off to the cinema and saw Spider and Rose which is a really good movie, Australian again, cool filmwork, script etc which really lifted our spirits too.
Later we went up to the Basement, which is this cool expensive jazz club and got some food and champagne and beers before watching Dewey Redman and his quartet improvise their way through a couple of numbers, which was about forty-five minutes, the first number was kinda trad jazz/blues which incorporated a solo by Dewey then the piano player then the double bass til they all hit back in together to finish. The second number a more swinging affair, again with the solos, which I was thinking was a bit of a drag, like they’s all good players and all but it was predictable. The last number was way cool though started with Dewey mumbling around for a bit getting the rhythm in his head and letting the rest of the band in on the secret, then he plays a few bars solo in the swing and mumble the beat and snap his fingers in time and on some parts he missed his sax bit or hit a bum note and instead of carrying on he mumbled the notes out aloud carrying the mood, laid back and crazy, then the rest of the band joined in on the few bars, dropping off letting the audience feel the beat with just the tap of Dewey’s feet and the dance of his crooked body and then they all picked it up again and the song got into full swing for about a minute before the drummer had his turn at a solo, now I’m not one mad on drum solos but this dude, old dude, looked like he’d been exhumed, probably played with Zappa or something you know, he really kicked the shit, made that kit talk man, keeping the beat then exploding off and before it all got out of hand, kicked back in with the beat to let the double bass player have a little go and wow, he made that chunka wood sing little bird songs in harmonics before getting real mean and hitting hardcore riffs, really powerful in yer face double bass before relaxing back into the sweet melodies, the piano man, facial contortionist, quietly joining in with the odd chord strike here and there, builds it up and takes over the piece and stamps his mark all over it going wild crazy man, fingers a blur with the speed, hanging onto the rhythm by threads, shut yer eyes and go with the ride, it’s alive, finally Dewey comes back on and blows his own, hot tootin’ tune and they settle at the end like how they started, Dewey with a mumble and a shot.
They’re exhausted and go off but, fuck that weak shit, I wanna hear us some more, but time and alcohol is catching us up, we depart during the first song off their second set, stumbling drunkenly through the city’s streets, the tall buildings tower over us, shielding us from harm like a security blanket, the neon somehow comforting us, light defeats the fear, or maybe we have a drunken dutch courage but tonight we are not afraid of the dark!
We laugh ourselves silly on the walk back from the station and I’m starting to feel more comfortable now I’ve had a good night out in the city. Broni drops herself onto the bed and falls asleep with me following shortly afterwards, good night world sweet dreams.
I turned 27 on this day.
Too smart to ask for more, this is all I’ve waited for – 24th April 1994
All I need is one true friend
I want total peace of mind
To leave the hurting world behind
I’m not scared; I swear I’m free
It may collapse the fear
That burns to bring the worst from me
– Lou Barlow
Like sparks igniting the brush, we’re up and awake this morning. Last night saw me, Broni, David, Louise and Piers up at Uxbridge Road a jot, to a wild Greek restaurant with some old English fella singing English 60’s songs. The place packed out, with the restauranteur stomping around with his clipboard and shades like some guy out of the Comic Strip Presents. Real stereotypical big fat guy running a business, short and abrupt with people with London accent, though Greek descent.
A crowd of people walked in and he went up to them and said ”Oo uh you? You’re late should’ve bin ‘ere an ‘our ago! I’ll see what I can do fer you!’ Food was okay, especially the salad with coriander! Came back to David and Louise’s and drank champagne – did I mention it was David’s 30th birthday? – and I pondered how I’ve ended up here in the last two years and how I’ve changed to broaden my horizons.
We ate plum pudding with brandy and whiskey sauce and hours later arrange a bed on the floor to sleep. I wrote some, as you can see, and me and Broni talked a bunch before Sandman carried us away into our subconscious fantasy worlds.
This morning the sun shines and our souls are alive with adventure, waking us up and now sat waiting impatiently to leave, to discover new things in old museums. Live life, love life.
How to describe all my emotions as I leave my true sweetheart behind in wicked old London and I travel rapide back home to Poole. I wrote a poem in the few moments before the bus left, a poem for my Broni. We waved and blew kisses as the bus pulled out of the station. I remember how whenever Broni used to say goodbye to me that was it – no lingering around.
We really do feel madly in love with each other and I would die if anything happened to her. I feel a big sense of loss already, I hope she’s okay getting back to David and Louise’s. I nearly cried as I saw her sweet face for the last time today, a beautiful smile wishing me well. How love has taken me over once again but this time with my real soulmate, one true friend. How we ever survived being apart for five weeks last year I’ll never know (but I will because we have all the letters). Love to my Broni, my thoughts are with you always.
1994ever 