Tag: Bloodstains

Bloodstains – 15th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

*What you don’t understand you can make mean anything
Bleeding the meaning dry, the overthought
Adjusting the angles, mentally scrolling through the rainbow
The world become more endless once the meaning caught

*Chuck Palahniuk from Diary

Today I’m feeling:

Good and positive again. Squeezed in a couple of workouts this morning and that has given me some energy boost. Looking forward to sitting and writing after my first class today.

(later) I caught up on poetry writing, easily inspired just by random phrases from things I was reading.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the students that asked me to watch them play their sports after classes and I stayed around for more than an hour walking from place to place, watching, cheering, chatting. Everyone was in a cheerful frame of mind.

The best thing about today was:

My old workmate Marie, from the Woolworths cafe in Sydney messaging me out of the blue after about five years. She had crossed my mind occasionally when I remember happier times working there. She is now living back in France, near Paris and is a single mum. A change from when she was in Sydney and dating girls.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After having just bought tubs of ice cream at Big C I got stuck in the car park as the police closed the roads for some Royal family member passing through. No point getting too bothered, if the ice cream melts, it melts. I won’t die because of that. I did beep the guy in the car two in front of me when he let every other car out of the car park for the next five minutes after it got moving again. But it wasn’t in too much frustration, more just a reminder that maybe we could get moving too.

Apparently, lots of locals complain when the roads are closed for royalty here and it did make me wonder how it’s done in other countries. I think in some they must travel incognito because it seems pretty obvious here that it would be easy to take out the vehicles if you so had that intention, it’s pretty obvious which vehicles would be carrying someone important. I wonder how the police would react too, as it would be so unexpected and they’d probably never have had to deal with a situation like that. I’m imagining a Keystone Cops movie!

Anyway, it’s sleepy Chiang Rai. People complain and then get back on with things.

Something I learned today?

I learned how to use Kahoot in team mode in class and the kids enjoyed it a lot. I can see the benefits from it too. I think I will try to incorporate it a little more often in my lessons.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I cheered on all my students in their various sports.

I checked in with ****** this morning but didn’t talk about her home situation and just let her get her mojo back with her friends.

I took it easy with both of my classes today. I had prepped them for it so that they happily obliged doing the work that I asked them to do.

What was a small detail I noticed today?

Looking at this this morning and wondering if there might be anything I notice. I need to pay attention.

I noticed the small Christmas trees Gui put up in House. I don’t think they were here yesterday….

When I stepped out into the dark garden to take tonight’s picture I made sure to step loudly just in case there were any snakes in the grass. Unlikely but possible. I didn’t really think too much about it. Yet, as I turned to come back inside I noticed something long thin and shiny on the ground which turned out to be a shed snake skin.

I know there were many other small details registered throughout the day but they were so inconsequential that they aren’t worth any mention.

I took this picture because my camera thinks it can see the dark side of the moon.

Well, it’s a futuristic modern world – 2nd September 2020

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Wake a little early again but enjoyed snoozing. Seven-minute classic exercise coming up – not looking forward to doing but looking forward to the feeling afterwards. First, a good stretch.

Scribble dribble – what’s in my head. Students, class, study, water, cats, coffee – damn, coffee I can taste it already – preparing my taste buds for that first hit. Am I addicted? No coffee after midday today, okay?

Cracking bones in my body – is it too late to repair my body? Let’s see, let’s try. Smelled alcohol last night and made me nauseous – weird to have such a reaction. Haven’t drunk for about a month, I think.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to take a photo by the river with our barista this morning. Manow is very poor at English but somehow we can communicate our needs.

1st Nov 2022 – I saw this picture recently but can’t find it now. Maybe got deleted whilst trying to figure out how the hell iCloud works across multiple devices and then deleting things off my phone. If you are reading this in 100 years I hope you laugh at how old and dumb this technology was.

To-do list

  • Savour something ½
  • Compliments and awards ½
  • No coffee after midday
  • 7-minute morning workout and squats ✅

As I was sat drinking coffee this morning, sat next to the river, nice temperature, I tried to put myself into a savouring state but somehow I just couldn’t manage it. I think it was because I was thinking too much about what to do with my class when I got back. I even checked my heartrate which was unusually high for me and the fitness app told me that I was stressed! I didn’t really feel stressed – just had that class on my mind.

I tried not to drink coffee after midday but broke down at 1.30 and caved in! It’s ok. I’ll try again tomorrow. Maybe get three coffees in before midday – that worked yesterday.

In general, I enjoyed school today and I’m still really happy. I do think about complimenting people but except for people’s appearance, I’m finding it a little difficult to find some things to compliment on. I do compliment the students a lot though. I don’t really count that though as that feels to me like it’s just a part of the job.

I did spend an hour or so talking with George about Lebanon and religion. I enjoyed that and thinking back to it now, there were moments when I was savouring that conversation.

I still need to practice more listening than speaking and also pushing the conversations to new and interesting places. I don’t really need to share my opinion – is it really important that other people know what I think? It’s still possible to drive a deep and meaningful conversation without committing to absolute belief.

*The Week That Was – 2nd April 1984

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Record of the week: Minutemen – Politics of Time

2nd April 1984
Started off all right. Physics – was ok. Hayward nicked our lyric book. Maths – shit, did CSE exam paper. Lunch – fuckin’ cold, fuckin’ boring, fucking pissed off. H.E. – a bit better – me and Pete pissed around. Bus – can’t remember. Watched TV and that’s about it. Got letter from Zoe.

3rd April 1984
Feeling better today. R.E. – did some work – shit. Biz – Bell had a moan cos we did no work. Me and Burd nicked a book. This girl asked me out – I said no. English – ok. P.E. – decent game of football. Bus – put up PCH placade. Went to club – saw Burd. Went to Hinton Martell. Followed Kig (?) back to Wimborne – had a fag down the rec. Came back – put up PCH poster.

4th April 1984
H.E. – didn’t do much really. Physics – Hayward was in a good mood. He gave book back. Burd nicked a light thing. Moved the strobe to see if anyone notices. Lunch – fly by – kicked a netball about in gym. R.E. – did some more work for a change. English – read a play – fuckin’ good. Bern and Karen aren’t friends anymore. Biz – didn’t do a lot – something about spirit duplicating. Maths – fuckin’ shit. Langridge is a fuckin’ cunt. Bus – put up another poster. Practised drums – got some decent rhythms for PCH. Listening to Bloodstains. Doing some typing of PCH. Fucking knackered.

5th April 1984
Art – good laugh. P.E. – fuckin’ shit game of football. Lunch – can’t remember. Social Studies – ok, didn’t do much. Biz – Bell’s ill – got bored. English – did a play. Whole load of hockey teams came to Q.E. – not bad. This (?) is still on my back. Bus – can’t remember. Practising drums. Went to Houldey’s. Went to Muz’s. Went back to Houldey’s. Came back – watched telly etc etc. Can’t remember anything else.

6th April 1984
Assembly – fuckin’ yawn. English – did another play. H.E. had a laugh answering Pritchard’s questions. Maths – shit. Lunch – had a game of football and a fag. Art – spoke to Mandy. Used a typewriter. Quite a good lesson. Biz – boring. Physics – reading mags. Bus – ok. Practising drums – fucking good. Went to Shirl’s – got bass drum pedal. Went to Houldey’s. Went to chip van. Back to Houldey’s. Dandy gives me the horn. Came back – watching telly.

7th April 1984
Went to Poole. Muz etc were on bus. Still no Black Flag LP. Bought Minutemen LP instead. Got bored. Came back – 12. Practised more drums. Went to Wimborne on moped. Didn’t stay long. Came back. Watched telly. Played more drums. Went out on ‘ped again. Went up and down track – good fun. Watched TV rest of the night. Smokey and the Bandit Rides Again was good. Hand of Dracula was on – went to sleep.

8th April 1984
Got up. Got bored. Went to Simon’s to get records. Came back. Blah blah blah. Looking for something interesting to do. Zoe rang up, said she’d be coming down next Saturday. Don’t remember much else.

*The Week That Was – 19th March 1984

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Record of the week: Flux of Pink Indians – The Fucking Cunts Treat Us Like Pricks

19th March 1984
Decided I didn’t fancy going to school. So stayed home. Had kip. Poked around with moped. Wrote letter to Zoe – to send tomorrow with Bloodstains etc. Now I’m waiting for something decent to happen. Saw Julie on the bus. Mum wouldn’t let me out. So started writing a sort of book called ‘Collected Notes of an Imbecile’ including anything and everything.

20th March 1984
Might as well go to school. R.E. – did nothing. Boring YTS film. Maths – shit. Biz – ok. Lunch – can’t remember. P.E. – played football – good laugh. Went over to Rupert’s – gave Burd a lift. Did some taping. Went down club. Had a game of pool. Saw Amanda. Came back. Watched a decent film – Red Sun – Charles Bronson. Went to sleep.

21st March 1984
H.E. – wrote four songs for PCH. Physics – more PCH and peeing about. Lunch – played football. R.E. – nothing. English – ok. Biz – ok. Maths – shit. Bus – had a laugh with Beki. Came home. Got bored. Went out on ‘ped. Saw Jasp, Burt, Scott. Came back. Found out Zoe had rung. She’s coming down to Bournemouth April 7th. Rung her. She was out so she’ll have to ring me back. Typed up PCH. Packed letter to Zoe. Minder is pretty good. Got to prepare H.E. now. Did so.

22nd March 1984
Got seen smoking by Houldey. Art – Hough wasn’t here so did fuck all. P.E. – had an ace game of football. Jane still wants to go out with me. Is that good or bad? Social Studies – ok, didn’t do much. Nick and Chesh got caught smoking – which was quite funny. Went to H.E. to do preparation for exam. Finished early and went for a fag with Nick and Stece. Got Annabel to go out with Burt for a laugh. Went down to Gaunts, ran into a tree while setting (illegible). Saw two people doing strange things in their car. Came back. Watched something. Went to sleep.

23rd March 1984
Bought in rest of H.E. Assembly – boring. Did H.E. exam, everything went ok. Nick’s didn’t go too well. Went for a fag beginning of lesson 4. Langridge could smell it when I went into Maths and I think he might check-up. Lunch – checked exam dates. H.E. – went to tidy things up. Went for another fag lesson 6. Went on to Art. Did nothing as Hough wasn’t here again. Biz – ok. Physics – Hayward was in a good mood and was taking the piss out of us for a change. Liz is going to France for two weeks. Went to chippie. Went up to Houldey’s with Muz and Burt. Had a laugh. Dandy gives me the horn. Got back and had a wank. Watched Cheers. Went to sleep.

24th March 1984
Went to Houlday’s, thought I’d see Dandy but didn’t. Went to match with Mr Playing Howdy (?) – was a good match. We won 4-1. I scored with a head. Fell straight into mud, started pissing it down. Freezing. Came back home. Went to Poole. Bought Flux LP. Put deposit on DK live LP. Met Simon etc. Baldie’s lost his wallet but found it again. Went home on bus. Rich and (?) were on. Flux LP is pretty weird though I’ll probably get used to it. Watched telly rest of the time. Couldn’t stay awake for film though mum watched ice skating til 4.30am.

25th March 1984
Woke up 1 o’clock. Took dog for walk. Watching Milk Cup final Liverpool – Everton 0-0. Zoe rang – she’s not coming on the 7th but for the first week in Easter instead. Not a lot happening. Not feeling very tired so put on 4-Skins LP and did art til 12.20.

*The Week That Was – 12th March 1984

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Record of the week: Confessions Of Sin – Richochet or Roundabout (?) (live), Anti-Sect – In Darkness There Is No Choice, Sex Gang Children – Mauritia Mayer, Abyss, Deuche

12th March 1984
Rupert might go tonight. Physics – started new group, Pregnant Combine Harvesters. Maths – shit. Social Studies – had a laugh. H.E. – piss funny. Walked down to Wimborne. Collected moped. Found out I’m still not legal. Rode back. Rupert’s mum took us to Wimborne – got bus for Bournemouth. Went to gig – looking forward. Disgusting Pukey Scarves – not too bad. Someone (?) – good. Josh and John – fucking ace (bit like SPK). The Thing – just like Hawkwind – fucking good. Confessions Of Sin – bloody fucking amazing. Ended with Loose (again), bassist chucked his guitar about. Saw Neville there. Came back 10.45, got home 11.40 and here I am now.

13th March 1984
Going to look for new moped tomorrow. R.E. – ok. P.S.C.E. – wrote a song about Newtown (?). Maths – shit. Biz – crap. English – good. P.E. – played a serious game of basketball. Come home. Rang Simon, said practice was on. He rang back 10 minutes later – said it wasn’t. Went on moped to collect records off old Ratty. Was in pub. Had a coke – no d ‘n’ d. Went up to Simon’s – who wasn’t there. Came back. Ran out of petrol near Murray’s so left moped there. Pick it up tomorrow. Came back with Mum. Played records. Lost track of time doing art. 12.15 Mum told me to turn records down. I thought it was 11.15.

14th March 1984
Thinking of getting a DT50 depending how much. H.E. – time plan exam – piss boring – fucked it up. Lunchtime – went down to practice football – had a laugh. R.E. – ok. English – reading some ace poems. Biz – ok, electric typewriter. Maths – shit. Mum picked me up. Went to 3 Legged Cross and decided to get Kawasaki AE50 – looks good. Collect on Sunday (?) £625 (?) – on the road. Go get moped in a mo’. Went down – had a laugh. We got Burt’s trousers down for a laugh – he wasn’t too pleased. Went for a drive about on moped. Went to Horton and back. Watched football Derby 0-1 Plymouth.

15th March 1984
Looking forward to Sunday. Julie’s acting like she doesn’t want to go on Saturday. Maybe I don’t want her to now. Art – ok. P.E. – talking to Daisy in weight training room. Lunch – not a lot happened. Social – not too bad. Biz – ok, getting used to electric now. English – ok. Cleaned out Damien – fucking bit me again. The cat had a sniff at him too. Went to Gaunts. People in school – knocked on windows. We nicked Martin’s trousers – he started crying and went to tell his mum. Came back with a stick. He started smashing Jasper’s lights so Jasp hit him. Mark came back with a stick. They made up in the end. Saw cops on way home.

16th March 1984
English – pretty boring. H.E. – very boring. Maths – don’t remember. Lunch – must have been boring cos I don’t remember anything. Art – ok. Biz – ok. Physics – had a laugh. Writing more PCH. Went to Muz’s and chippy. Got bored so went to Houldey’s. Watched football. Southampton beat Liverpool 2-0. Got bored. Went back to Muz’s – nicked on of his mum’s fags – then she gave me one. Came back. Watching film ‘Tower of Evil’ while finishing Bloodstains cassette cover. Went to sleep

17th March 1984
Get up. Caught bus. Saw Gilby (?). Saw Jasper in Poole so went around with him – he was looking for Muz etc. Found them. Went back to Arndale. Met Lisa. Had a chat. Saw Justin. Not doing an awful lot. Met mother at 3.15. Went to Huxhams, Parkstone – got a bike jacket and reflector. Came back to Wimborne – found out we lost football 5-1. Jim got an own goal. Came back. Still looking forward to tomorrow. Went to Muz’s had a laugh in Gaunts knocking down hedges. Could have gone to Muz’s sister’s party. Started at 10 ended at 4. We didn’t have any way of getting back. Muz was a bit pissed off. Came home. Watched Joan Rivers and Comic Strip. Went to sleep.

18th March 1984
Got up 10. Had a fag. Put on Anti-Sect. Went to collect moped. Had a practice around the estate in 3X. Came back. Had dinner. Took dog. Went out again. Saw Chris. Went down to Witchampton. Saw Pru (?) and Carly. Went to Muz’s – he wasn’t in. Came back. Went out again. Went to Roo’s. He wasn’t in. Waited but left. Went to Muz’s – he wasn’t in. Went to Simon’s – he wasn’t in. So I went to Jim’s – he was in. Stayed there. Wrote a song. Had a couple of fags. Came back. Clocked up 43 miles. Watched Spitting Image. Had some semolina. Watched a film. Long weekend. It’s good. Went to sleep.

*The Week That Was – 20th February 1984

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Record of the week: DOA – Bloodied But Unbowed (again), Middle Class Fantasies – Publikum, Minutemen – (anything)

20th February 1984
Burd and Rupe came round with rest of booze. Went to Mr Houldey’s – I did his drying up. Went to Shirl’s. Went home. Recorded some Bloodstains. Went to Mr Houldey’s again. Pissed around in Dandy’s room. Made some pancakes for them. Nicked her pyjamas. Recorded some more – can’t remember much else. DOA.

21st February 1984
Woke up at 4. Had a drink. Went back to bed. Woke up 6. Had a drink and squeezed some zits. Got up 11. Took Dandy’s pyjamas back. Started Bloodstains booklet. Listening to Crass. Giving up fags, booze etc. Written letter to Zoe. Feeling good today.

22nd February 1984
Got up 11. Had a bath. Had a wank. Listened to some Crass. Decided to stop getting Sounds. Went to see Muz and saw Burt and Jasp. Me and Muz went to Houldey’s, found out there was a party at Jo Holloway’s so went there later at night. Had some good times with Tanya and Mandy and had some bad times with Jo, Vicky and mum and dad. Anyway, DOA. Wrote letter to Zoe again.

23rd February 1984
Muz and Scott and Burt woke me up at 10.30. Went to Queen’s Copse. Saw Annabel on the way. Got done by. the Forestry Commission. Came back. They went home. Went to Gaunts later. Had a go on Muz’s computer at Football Manager. Went up to Annabels’ with Muz, Scott and Burt. Came back – pissed around on Muz’s computer some more. Went home.

24th February 1984
Went to Wimborne to go to dentists. Saw Liz J so decided to stay in Wimborne. Was with her and Jason most of the day. Went into the Yew Tree three times for some tea. Pissed about all day. Came back on the bus.Had to give Andy Froud a lift to Horton on moped as bus didn’t go to Horton. Went to Muz’s and we went to Houldey’s.

25th February 1984
Woke up 12.30. Went to Muz’s 1.30. Got to First Division in Football Manager. Lost FA Cup Final to Brighton. Came back 4.35, took dog for walk. Played with cat. Had tea. Went to Muz’s 6.30. Decided to go to party. His mum gave us some money. Went to Wimborne. Bought some booze to add to the wine. Saw Stroud who was going so we followed him to Pamphill. We decided not to go in so we came back to my place and got snotted. Fell asleep watching a film – according to mum.

26th February 1984
Woke up 12. Had some lovely food. I was fucking starving for some reason. Played some records while doing Maths homework – what a bore – maths that is. Thinking about becoming a vegan. Going down Muz’s later, see what state he’s in. Had a bath. Had a wank. Listening to DOA again. Went to Muz’s. He wouldn’t come out/I couldn’t go in – doing his Maths homework – yawn. Came home. Went to find Chris on my moped – couldn’t find him so came home and watch the film – pretty good. God knows how I’m going to get up tomorrow.

*The Week That Was – 30th January 1984

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Record of the week: Aheads -Minuteman, Self Abuse – Batman (Live)
Song of the month – Confessions Of Sin – Loose (Live)

30th January 1984
Didn’t do much today. Physics was quite good – writing for the Bloodstains. Maths was shit. Social Studies was depressing as usual. H.E. was boring – god what am I gonna do? Rung Justin and Paul – had a chat. Hill Street Blues is on again. Nearly finished my book. Got letter from Zoe.

31st January 1984
Not a lot happened today – boring eh? Patchet had a go at me and Kas (?) in R.E. PSCE was boring. Maths was shit, what’s new? B. Studies – yet (?). English was interesting. Had the Bloodstains book taken by Mr King. P.E. was alright. Doing a tape of the Clash for Liz at the moment. Grange Hill was interesting, Glenroy having a go and sticking up for the poor. Had a bath and here I am. Alas, Smith and Jones is on tonight, it was pretty good. Not a lot else.

1st February 1984
Had a bit of fun today. H.E. made a Lemon Delight which we all scoffed. Physics – I took some incense in and Haywire thought it was dope and nearly took me to the Head of Year. Nearly got caught smoking with Vince by Clarke. R.E. did nothing. English – wrote some more Bloodstains. Business Studies – watched a rainbow. Maths was shit. Hell Comes To Your House Part II has been released. Now I’m here and that’s the end. Finished Time Enough For Love.

2nd February 1984
Didn’t do a lot in Art. Slaughtered Chesh in squash. Got bored in Social Studies. Business Studies was boring. English was alright. Saw Mandy Richardson get stuck in a bin. Nicked Liz’s scarf. Might be buying a moped tonight. See you later. Did buy it – it’s jolly cool. Amanda rang – so I told about the gigs. Managed to scrounge a day off school next Thursday to go and see Conflict and 15 other groups down Bournemouth. Started The Satanist.

3rd February 1984
Did fuck all in English. H.E. was boring. Maths was shit. Art was alright. B. Studies was boring. Physics was ace. Heyward wanted volunteers for detention so me and Rat got it. Mine’s next Thursday when I won’t be there. Chris Frost came round and we went round on it. Went down to the chippie and had an accident with it. Went down Hinton Martell, then the club. Bought some fags, saw Carly then came back. Not a lot else.

4th February 1984
Went into Poole. Was with Lisa – Siomn’s girlfriend, til we met Simon. Saw Snowy – the tramp. Then caught the coach to Ilminster – was a laugh. The pub there wouldn’t let us in but everyone managed to get a drink. The gig was good. Self Abuse were their usual self. Breakout were good. We left at 11.30, got back to Paul’s about 1 and watched some videos. Had some of the most silly conversations ever. Andy was getting on everyone’s nerves and I’m thinking of chucking him out of the group.

5th February 1984
Got up at 11.00. Found out last night that the Conflict gig is off. Came back at 12.30, got to Wimborne about 1.10 then came back. Borrowed a load of fanzines off Paul including Flipside. Had a bath. Had a wank. And now I’m here. Fuckin’ knackered. Cat slept on my bed til 1.45 am then decided he wanted to get out.