Tag: break up

Broken Rules – 7th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

You were so quiet, it was obvious
How could you think I was oblivious?
I’ll tell you now that I was serious
But you went and broke the rules

Whether them or me, was it just a fling?
Did either of us even mean anything?
Who next for the words you sweetly sing
And the hearts held in your cup?

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge – oblivious, FOWC – fling and NaPoMo

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good even though I slept badly due to aching shoulders. I should probably get them checked out as it’s been painful for about six months already.

I got up early so that I could watch the Swans game this morning.

I need to book flights to Bangkok to meet up with Arwith in early May, order a filter for our air purifier and will take Baipad and Butter to practice riding the motorbike again.

In amongst all that I’ll do all the things I usually do too; reading, writing, thinking and planning.

Today I’m grateful for:

My alarm getting me up and into action this morning.  I could easily have slept another three hours but glad that I gave myself that extra time to do things.

The best thing about today was:

It’s been a pretty good day all round.  It was 41 degrees and the house was like an oven so I spent most of my time in aircon.  

I didn’t read or play guitar today but did clear up a backlog of emails.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got back from coffee I prepared everything to watch the AFL but it wasn’t working, which was unusual.  I saw one error about location so I downloaded a free VPN and tried some different locations.  None of those worked either but they also didn’t have the option to set the server to Australia.

I checked if the Highlights and Mini Matches still worked and they were fine.  But even last week’s full match replays were no longer available.

I searched online to see if there might be some information about this and ended up posting on Reddit.  Whilst waiting for any response I found another VPN that had an Australian server and finally, I was able to watch the game (which was an unconvincing win).

It looks like someone else had the same problem too so I guess I need to figure out a VPN to watch full games in future. The one I used, TunnelBear, has a 2G data limit and I’m not sure if that is daily, weekly or monthly.  I really don’t want to have to pay for a VPN just to watch one match a week.

Something I learned today?

Butter’s mum came and introduced herself to me and when we got back from riding I also met his dad and sister, Cookie!  Great names!

Cookie will start grade 7 at my school next month though I won’t be teaching her.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

More encouragement for Butter and Baipad with motorbike riding.

Butter has pretty much got it already and Baipad improved a little more today too.  I think that gave her a mini confidence boost.

I can see from her actions that whatever bullying she suffered when she was younger has really knocked her self-confidence.  She is still vulnerable to other people who could easily bully and manipulate her.

I also sent another 100 baht to Anchan.

When was the last time I tried something new? 

Although I can’t pinpoint it I believe that I try something new every day. The journey through our minutes is diverted off course consistently. Even the Trumans Show fell apart eventually and Groundhog Day was never actually the same.

But something deliberately new? So something interesting? Not just a new restaurant, a new book, a new poem, a new song to listen to?

How about a new country, a new house, a new job, a new hobby?

Read anything here, there is nothing new and something new on every page.

Write about a time when you laughed uncontrollably.

Back in 1989 (I think) I was thrilled to be outside of England for the first time in my life and playing shows with my friends in Belgium and Holland. I soon bonded with our Dutch host Mark and we would drink, get high and laugh a lot much like any other early twenty-year-olds would.

At this one of our shows, which was an amazingly fun night where Mike, from the New York band Shaved Pigs (who had hung on a bit longer after their tour had finished the week previous) joined us on saxophone for our epic jam tune, there was a radio interview at the end of the evening.

Thoroughly happy and drunk, Mark, who was the interviewer, asked me to recite a couple of poems that I had written that he had seen before.

I think I read The Day The Apples Turned To Poison but hassled for more I was requested to read She Lost Her Virginity To A Worm. The anticipation in the room for this short poem was too much and I couldn’t even get to the end of it as Mark and I were in fits of giggles.

A fascinating radio listen? I doubt very much!

I took this picture because His Majesty was looking regal, watching over the dining room this morning. I’m so glad that he is feeling better this week.

Headstones – 25th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Staring away at the whispered words
The smile no longer inspires
Ghostly here amongst the sleeping
Letting go of what love requires

The end of the story, said goodbye
Seven minutes to break a heart
The one that promised themselves so much
Must find the joy of a new start

Today I’m feeling:

I slept in the air-conned bedroom with Amy last night but still didn’t sleep that well, waking up with aching hips or feeling too cold! Anyway, it was better than feeling hot and Tigger had also sprayed in our bedroom and it was still smelly in there. 

My first class went well and has put me in a good mood as I sit here drinking coffee preparing for my next class in four hours and by preparing I mean doing something else besides thinking about teaching!

Today I’m grateful for:

My new pants that I bought yesterday and felt good wearing today. I tried the other pair I bought but even though they are the same maker and have the same label for waist size are about two sizes too small for me. No refunds. It’s a shame but I should’ve tried them on rather than trusting that they would be the same. My mistake.

The best thing about today was:

Firstly, having my last class, the troublesome rebellious lot, going well again and being a lot of fun this time, I’m glad that I made the change of style of teaching with them and whilst I don’t feel like I’m teaching them much at least they are practising their reading, writing and speaking skills to some degree.

Then, after school, Nong Na and Amy were waiting for me and we went off to Big C to get pizza and ice cream. It was good to see Na again, she has just started at the university in the Aviation faculty and I can already hear her improved confidence in listening and speaking since I last met her when she was in high school.

She is a quiet girl, never travelled far but is a good student and somehow Amy lit a fire under her and she has shown a determination to improve her English by herself. We are quite proud that she has come so far. She had never been to the Pizza Company store or to the ice cream shop so it was quite a thrill for her and it was our treat.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It’s ten pm and I’m in bed, ran out of time to play guitar today which I kinda look forward to even though some days I sit down to play and get frustrated after five minutes of trying. Tomorrow evening I should have enough free time though as Amy will go out so I await that with anticipation. Thursday will not be free but Friday is the start of six days off so I’ll get some practice time in then.

Something I learned today?

I’m in the middle of a questionnaire to discover my style of kindness at work but my eyes are drooping and Amy is already asleep on my shoulder so I will have to learn that tomorrow. I learned other things today for sure but what were they….?

How do I cope with stress and adversity?

By not inviting it into my head so often. When it does it always upsets me that I let it get the better of me. 

I took this picture a couple of weeks ago because these two-tone clouds looked amazing on the horizon. Unfortunately, it didn’t translate as well into a picture on my phone but as I didn’t find the time or opportunity to take a picture today then this will have to do. Tomorrow – must try harder!

Diaper – 27th July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When love has gone wrong
Run off to dark spaces
Desperately clinging to hope
Remembering those embraces

Butterflied chest and tears
And seething like a viper
In the car for 20 hours
Wearing an adult diaper

A last romantic gesture
To mend your broken heart
May push away with vigour
Forever to be apart

Don’t laugh at their madness
When Eros too was your sniper
At one time or another
We’ve all worn the diaper

Inspired by We Learn Nothing by Tim Kreider, recalling bad reactions to broken hearts

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the preserved cabbage that we got given by the Chinese students who went back to China. It was yummy.

I ended up sleeping at around 7.30 last night and I’m glad I did. Still felt dizzy and tired this morning but my mood picked up after my first class of the day.

Tigger is in the hospital again and Amy and I went to see him at lunchtime. He has some dodgy blood level count which seems to indicate a kidney problem but the vet said we caught it quickly before he had organ failure again.

I’m glad I cancelled teaching yesterday and tomorrow. I’ll have one class tonight after school but like I mentioned yesterday I’m in the right frame of mind as I already have the natural tension from teaching at school.

Perhaps I’ve been working too hard recently but I feel compelled to be doing things. The quote from Ryan Holiday that we are human ‘beings’ and not human ‘doings’ was interesting to me as at this time, with lockdowns and everything, we are not actually ‘being’ as much as we would like. I am always ‘doing’, I never stop doing things, and those things keep me happy. Sometimes I get too focused on some things when I could be doing more, perhaps around the house or in the garden, for example.

Sometimes I wish all my stuff was in the house (as opposed to my man cave outside), especially as I would have my music playing all day long, and would read books on the terrace more. Now I feel like I have to do all my things in my room so it divides everything up into ‘my’ time and ‘other’ time. It’s a first-world problem in a third-world country!

Hate Club – 29th September 1984

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I said I loved you, now I believe that’s not true
Now you don’t like me and I don’t like you
I never wanted to hurt anyone
But this love bullshit is spoiling my fun
My hate club, all your friends
My hate club, we’re at different ends
You say you still love me, but you found someone new
A funny way of showing love, now what do I do?
Hate club

1st July 2023 – Another poem about ‘breaking up’ with Zoe and her telling me that her friends, who I’d never met, all hated me. The tricky situation of dealing with broken teenage hearts. No doubt, I handled myself terribly.