Tag: bully

Broken Rules – 7th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

You were so quiet, it was obvious
How could you think I was oblivious?
I’ll tell you now that I was serious
But you went and broke the rules

Whether them or me, was it just a fling?
Did either of us even mean anything?
Who next for the words you sweetly sing
And the hearts held in your cup?

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge – oblivious, FOWC – fling and NaPoMo

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good even though I slept badly due to aching shoulders. I should probably get them checked out as it’s been painful for about six months already.

I got up early so that I could watch the Swans game this morning.

I need to book flights to Bangkok to meet up with Arwith in early May, order a filter for our air purifier and will take Baipad and Butter to practice riding the motorbike again.

In amongst all that I’ll do all the things I usually do too; reading, writing, thinking and planning.

Today I’m grateful for:

My alarm getting me up and into action this morning.  I could easily have slept another three hours but glad that I gave myself that extra time to do things.

The best thing about today was:

It’s been a pretty good day all round.  It was 41 degrees and the house was like an oven so I spent most of my time in aircon.  

I didn’t read or play guitar today but did clear up a backlog of emails.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got back from coffee I prepared everything to watch the AFL but it wasn’t working, which was unusual.  I saw one error about location so I downloaded a free VPN and tried some different locations.  None of those worked either but they also didn’t have the option to set the server to Australia.

I checked if the Highlights and Mini Matches still worked and they were fine.  But even last week’s full match replays were no longer available.

I searched online to see if there might be some information about this and ended up posting on Reddit.  Whilst waiting for any response I found another VPN that had an Australian server and finally, I was able to watch the game (which was an unconvincing win).

It looks like someone else had the same problem too so I guess I need to figure out a VPN to watch full games in future. The one I used, TunnelBear, has a 2G data limit and I’m not sure if that is daily, weekly or monthly.  I really don’t want to have to pay for a VPN just to watch one match a week.

Something I learned today?

Butter’s mum came and introduced herself to me and when we got back from riding I also met his dad and sister, Cookie!  Great names!

Cookie will start grade 7 at my school next month though I won’t be teaching her.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

More encouragement for Butter and Baipad with motorbike riding.

Butter has pretty much got it already and Baipad improved a little more today too.  I think that gave her a mini confidence boost.

I can see from her actions that whatever bullying she suffered when she was younger has really knocked her self-confidence.  She is still vulnerable to other people who could easily bully and manipulate her.

I also sent another 100 baht to Anchan.

When was the last time I tried something new? 

Although I can’t pinpoint it I believe that I try something new every day. The journey through our minutes is diverted off course consistently. Even the Trumans Show fell apart eventually and Groundhog Day was never actually the same.

But something deliberately new? So something interesting? Not just a new restaurant, a new book, a new poem, a new song to listen to?

How about a new country, a new house, a new job, a new hobby?

Read anything here, there is nothing new and something new on every page.

Write about a time when you laughed uncontrollably.

Back in 1989 (I think) I was thrilled to be outside of England for the first time in my life and playing shows with my friends in Belgium and Holland. I soon bonded with our Dutch host Mark and we would drink, get high and laugh a lot much like any other early twenty-year-olds would.

At this one of our shows, which was an amazingly fun night where Mike, from the New York band Shaved Pigs (who had hung on a bit longer after their tour had finished the week previous) joined us on saxophone for our epic jam tune, there was a radio interview at the end of the evening.

Thoroughly happy and drunk, Mark, who was the interviewer, asked me to recite a couple of poems that I had written that he had seen before.

I think I read The Day The Apples Turned To Poison but hassled for more I was requested to read She Lost Her Virginity To A Worm. The anticipation in the room for this short poem was too much and I couldn’t even get to the end of it as Mark and I were in fits of giggles.

A fascinating radio listen? I doubt very much!

I took this picture because His Majesty was looking regal, watching over the dining room this morning. I’m so glad that he is feeling better this week.

The Beautiful People – 29th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Heads may turn in Soho streets
At soirees at the Ritz
And so this scene oft repeats
Amongst the glamour and the glitz

Here are seen the painted faces
And the finest flowing dresses
But the real beautiful people
Are down playing in their messes

The artists and bohemian types
The dustbin men, already sleeping
Absent of any media hypes
Content in the company they’re keeping

The farmers covered in mud and shit
The real diamonds under dusty feet
Pearly smiles gleam as they exit the pit
Just enough energy left to eat

All the beautiful people go unseen
Away from the cameras clicking
This is how it has always been
Since the time that kings came tricking

Let’s celebrate their grime and sweat
Grateful for the time they’re giving
Don’t let the glamour rats forget
Why they enjoy the way they’re living

21st Mar 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – Colourful Streets

Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed and a little sad. Most of my relationships now have been formed around my students and I know that I will miss them during the holidays. Some students feel the same, not necessarily about me but about not being able to meet their friends often. But it is also great to have a break from it all too and I’m starting to look forward to going to Australia.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nong Gam for putting a frangipani behind my ear, giving me a hug and saying she will miss me in the holiday. I have appreciated her efforts to improve her English this semester and she has appreciated the time I spent to help her.

The best thing about today was:

Little Nicha wrote a very sweet message for me in the Quizizz I gave her class today. Along the lines of ‘Thank you to help me learn more when I am struggling and for comforting me when I was sad.’  I’m tearing up a little just writing it! 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had psyched myself up to stay at school and play a little tennis with Funfai before her coaching but it had rained a lot during the afternoon and I wasn’t sure if she would still go. She said she wanted to and the rain had cleared so I waited around playing volleyball with a bunch of other kids. But then more rain came and I gave up and we agreed to try again next semester when there will be less rain. 

So, it was annoying that I stayed around when I could’ve gone home quicker but I still enjoyed the time hanging out with different students.

Something I learned today?

Last night I was following up on the drama at school with Feije and asked Nong Fah what was the story. She told me a little and it was a totally new story to the one from the day before! 

When I asked Fah what she thought about the events she said she didn’t know, much like when I asked her before what was up with Feije recently. I then realised that she was being typically Thai-style diplomatic and didn’t want to say anything bad about someone else. 

I found this kind of endearing but also frustrating in that it’s difficult to know how people really feel about things in Thai culture.

Either way, it was an interesting learning experience for me to see how some cultural norms are here through the lens of my students.

Also in relation to yesterday, the student having trouble with his friends messaged me saying he stopped being friends with them because they were punching him. I told him that friends don’t do that and that he can tell me if they keep bullying him. He said that it was okay because he didn’t want to cause any trouble. I told him that I understood but that I was there if he needed me. 

I thought that this was a kind of Thai attitude but now I’m writing more I guess this is how many kids deal with being bullied anywhere in the world.

What changes did I experience this past month?

This feels a little difficult to contemplate these days. Things are changing a lot more slowly than previously and are less noticeable.  I guess that as it’s gotten to the end of September I’m starting to feel a little excitement about going to Australia, as I will leave in ten days time.

Also as the month has gone on and the holiday approached, I’ve felt a gradual winding down and relaxation in the classroom.

I took this picture because I have no new pictures today so scouted around the house for something interesting. These cats are part of a set of 5. The picture behind is from a long time back as I was still dying my hair black then. I think it’s from a trip to somewhere in Thailand.

Day Is Done – 14th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A day of too much time
Passes by lethargically slow
Nothing got done
And the day is gone before you know

Today I’m feeling:

Motivated and relaxed

Today I’m grateful for:

Our drain cleaning tool (again). It’s a bit of an effort but gets our pipes cleared 90% of the time and is a simple device. Good decision to buy it.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling like I did very little and realizing I’d done quite a lot, tasks that I knew would take some effort like fixing the screen outside my room and cleaning the gutter from the garage roof, which has my toe throbbing from a nasty cut. I’m feeling half dead and half alive. I know I could’ve done a lot more today but everything felt like there was little hurry.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing much today. Late afternoon I found the neighbour’s kids riding around our lawn and I found it amusing kind of reminding me of my old home in Whitehaven and the garden we had there where we left it open so people could easily walk through the alleys. We had many lodgers who came and went and I was used to there being many different and changing people around.

Anyway, whilst it’s not out of my control it is something I’m choosing not to control.

Something I learned today?

I got into watching One Championship women’s atomweight fighting and had been following teenager Victoria Lee, younger sister to Angela.

Today I found out that she died on December 26th aged just 18. She didn’t look much different to my students and had a bright future ahead. Although her death has no personal meaning to me it doesn’t seem fair or right. I also feel extremely lucky to be here at 55.

Have you ever been bullied?

When I was in middle school I was bullied by older kids. I purposely stood out as the only ‘real’ punk kid and was tormented by the older kids calling me Sid. I tried to brush it off but it definitely helped make me bitter towards humanity.

I couldn’t understand how people could be so normal and boring and also not furious at the situation they were growing up into. I didn’t want to be them so I brought it on myself but better that than an average Joe.

When I became one of the older kids I sometimes resorted to bullying but I understood it wasn’t the right way to go about things. I also wasn’t beefy enough to be threatening.

I did acquire a vicious tongue though and was never afraid to speak my mind.

I took this picture because this gunk came out of my bathroom sink pipes! No wonder water was backing up. I could only unblock it so far and not sure how long it will be before I have to do this again. So much for a beautiful picture every day. However, it should be recognised I can do some dirty work every now and then. My hands aren’t always soft and clean.

I’ve got to get some pretty pictures in my mind – 29th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Count on the insane to save the souls of the suckers.

Nuclear nightmares last night at Chatswood apartment – safe but the outside world changed – coronavirus allegory? Kimchee trapped in an escalator – she turned up in the morning safe and sound. Why those dreams?

Eat more, exercise more – no energy, weight is okay but need to toughen up my body. Thinking, I think too much and haven’t turned thoughts into actions. Stay positive – look at everything positive – listen better – compliment, help others. Life is easy so take time for others. You can do it.

What else you got in your head this morning? Creaky little froggy under the fan, foot aching old man. Take what you want from others’ speech. They may be right, they may be wrong. Do you need to say the words? If not then don’t say them. This is your life now so do the best with it – it’s easy.

Pink, the colour – not the person. I really don’t know modern popular music – I think it’s funny. Is it calming your mind? I freeze my thoughts writing this but if I sit to meditate, thoughts come on back. Today, yesterday. Seeking clarity. Couldn’t do long meditation yesterday – got too itchy and antsy. Keep going. Keep trying. The benefits are what I’m looking for – fat sticky stomach. Breathe. Big yawn – fun day ahead and weekend after that. Gratitude and project good wishes.

Okay, rest your weakened wrists now. Got coffee cups to hold.


Gratitude Journal

I am happy and grateful for my newly found patience with things at the school. Things can be so dynamic here that they can change with every person you meet. I have been able to deal with this well so far this semester.

To-do list

  • Take a few minutes to wish everyone happiness ✅
  • Take a moment to wish yourself happiness too! ½
  • Speaking is ok – but does it need to be said? ½
  • Give more compliments today – nothing negative ✅
  • Are you just reading about self-improvement or actually improving? ½

A funny old day today where plans kept getting changed and ultimately nothing got done. I just went with it and felt fine. It was a good day.

Amy and I went out for one last meal at Oshinei together with Aing and Nu. When we got home I was too full and tired to write here and went to sleep very quickly.

In the morning I went to meet Bruno for coffee and we spent a pleasant couple of hours catching up on each other’s gossip. Bruno is interested to do some other things together sometime such as motorbiking around, fishing or just generally catching up. I think he’s looking for other folks to hang out with.

I like Bruno but also want to be careful with what I say to him as we both have lots of mutual teacher friends and gossip travels fast.

Today, I’m consigned to my room to sleep as Goy and Nan and their families are staying the night. Suits me – I had a lot of fun playing around with music and can keep it going all night as I drift in and out of sleep.

If it’s not raining in the morning I’m hoping to go for a motorbike around before it gets too hot.

We got that attitude! – 25th September 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I dreamt I couldn’t find my socks so that I could go to school/work. Mum was there, although, I didn’t see her. She made me feel calm and I understood to work methodically to find them. I think my mum taught me patience – I surely tested hers.

Hayden will come to visit soon. I hope he can take away some life lessons from me. I should plan some things to talk with him.

Gratitude Journal

I learnt today that the sun still rises. No matter what. The old adage ‘it will pass’ is consistent, even if it doesn’t feel like it at times. I am grateful to the kids in my class. Day to day they don’t give a shit, yesterday’s problems are forgotten.

18th Feb 2021 – Sometimes I need an ego reset. Resume child-like wonder! This time was tough for me and I’m reminded now of one girl in another class getting really upset and angry at another student who made fun of her skin colour. I comforted her and told her she was a beautiful person and not to ever forget that. She looked up to me a lot after that. But now, I look up to her, as she and the bully run around playing together still.

Bravo – 13th October 1984

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You look so hard
You marked my card
I’m down to die
But I wanna know why
Bravo

6th July 1984 – As an awkward and different teenager, purposefully outside normal society, I was always a target for the normies. At the time I couldn’t understand it. No matter how I looked or acted I was still a human being just like everyone else. I would be kicked and punched and called names just for being different, for being a punk. Whatever hatred and misunderstanding they had of me they passed along and I returned the favour though never took anything to violent extremes. I could let people be if they could do the same.