Tag: bullying

The Wild World – 8th July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We live alone
Our relationships symbolic
Resources for production
Or a backdrop for healing

A miracle of blindness
Debasing all else
To second-order existence
We live alone

A massive fiction of things
The wild at the margins
An intellectual sleight of hand
Of us versus them

Ignorant of our nature
Domination the goal
Trading in certainties
At a bloodied altar

Denying our relationship
We live alone
We are the pandemic
In a wolf head mask

It’s business as usual
Caught in the weave
Dualistic blindness
We chose to live alone

Possessing the wisdom
The germ of a solution
Future archaeologists found
We died alone

Inspired and borrowed from Dan Ray at Philosophy Now’s review of Ways of Being Alive by Baptiste Morizot

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good, though I feel like I’m overheating.  Not sure if something is going on in my body or it’s just leftover from pushing myself with exercise this morning.

Today should be a relatively easy day at school and hopefully I still feel motivated when I get home and play some guitar.  I totally lazed away the weekend and though I don’t feel guilty about it, I still know that I should be doing stuff.

Today I’m grateful for:

Only five students turning up to my first class.  They didn’t know where everyone else was and assumed that they were taking the whole week away from school, as from Wed-Fri, they are not at school and supposed to be studying online.

I played a Quizziz of each student’s choice for the first hour and then let them go for the second two hours of our class, so I’m back early for more coffee!

The best thing about today was:

The extra coffee time that turned out well, as I got a couple of nice poems written after doing a bit of reading and thinking.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Another one of my pens went missing today during my class with 2/7.  I’m fairly certain that it is Program who is taking them as he is always trying to steal things out of my pocket, never has his own pen and always walks around the room and near the table when I am not there.

I may be wrong but I’ve got my eye on him.

Something I learned today?

As I had some spare time in the morning, I ducked into the grade 10 English class to chat with some of the students I knew and whilst there, Kru Ren came in to teach.  He didn’t do anything to try and get the students attention and seemed to be just shouting to no one, as everyone else was either on their phone, playing games or making TikTok videos.

I just don’t get how that is going to work.  But what was weird was that meeting some of the students a couple of hours later, I asked them about the class and they were able to talk about the subject fairly coherently.  Maybe it got better after I left, or Kru Ren decided to teach in Thai rather than English, so that at least he would be understood.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I stayed back after my last class to talk with Praew some more.  I think she is a little bit of an attention seeker in some ways and I’m not totally sure what to believe.  With her anxiety, depression and being bullied in class, it is sure to mess with her behaviour.

Scattershot – 5th July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You made them, baby boys
Conceived in a sweaty room
Forgotten fruit left to rot
The urge to run too soon

Scattershot bonds stretch
Heated passion, spoiled seeds
Helpless baby boys flailing
Without the direction he needs

You made them, baby girls
Breeders, they can’t stop breeding
Pretty pink unkissed lips
Rushing towards the seeding

Scattershot, the TV dreams
Promises whispered or unspoken
Babies make babies cry
So all the boys and girls are broken

Submitted to FOWC with Fandango and inspired by my experiences teaching wild and untamed students already on their sexual journies as their young parents are missing in action (for various reasons).

Today I’m feeling:

Good again.  I pushed through the tough exercise again this morning, feeling breathless and sweaty by the end.  Amy has been sound asleep in the mornings for the last few days and in the evenings I’m usually asleep well before her.

I enjoyed my first two grade 11 classes this morning and just have a reading class with the grade 8s this afternoon and it’s the weekend again.

Today I’m grateful for:

My student, Beam. In the task I set his class yesterday of sending me an oral diary telling me what they learned that day, Beam told me that he really enjoys my class and learning things from me. 

Whilst he is smart enough to know how to butter someone up I believe his sincerity. It felt good to hear and encourages me. I will return that encouragement to the class.

The best thing about today was:

… (As I’m writing this on Saturday morning, I don’t feel that there was one best thing about yesterday. The day was pretty good all round until I ran out of energy, and as I’m still not fully recovered yet, it is clouding my memory of yesterday a little too.)

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my last class, I could feel my energy giving out and was glad to end it a little early and then head home.  I revived briefly with some dinner, but by around 7.30 pm, I was crashing badly and melting into the lounge, mindlessly watching TV.

Amy tried to revive me again before sleep, but ended up disappointed, and I was asleep an instant later.

(I didn’t even have energy to complete writing here and doing it now on Saturday morning)

Something I learned today?

Praew told me that she will leave our school at the end of the semester because of her unhappiness, and on further investigation, she told me it was because she was bullied in our class. 

I thought maybe this was by her old friends, Nudee and Ueang, but I was surprised to learn that it was by KanomBang. I hadn’t seen this at all.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I sympathised with Praew and her situation.

Wait A Minute – 28th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Just wait a minute, slow it down
You can’t see the trouble brewing
The choices made are pure emotion
And you don’t know what you are doing

Wait a minute, test the waters
Before the wave crashes and breaks
You’re rushing headlong into trouble
And the pain of those mistakes

Wait a minute, use your brain
Look at the direction you are going
Don’t brush off the wiser words
Thinking you’ve done all the knowing

Wait a minute before you decide
To step into the fire and burn
Live to fight another day
With all the things you’ll learn

Wait a minute, take a breath
Are you certain that you know it all?
Is now the time to experience
The depths to which you’ll fall?

Today I’m feeling:

Perhaps after yesterday’s prompt about dreams, I was very aware of the dream I was having this morning as my alarm went off. For some reason my thoughts and emotions were spiralling out of control and even as I was aware of it happening I couldn’t control it. Nong Fah was trying to comfort me in a kind of student/teacher role reversal, but it didn’t work. 

This dream was based on events from yesterday when Spain was very emotional in class and couldn’t be consoled. He is on the spectrum as is said these days and was having a tough time. 

Yesterday I also talked with Fah about not knowing why Feije was acting a bit of character recently because they seemed to have become more friendly.

I woke up feeling a bit stressed and disconsolate but soon got over it with exercise which got the blood pumping but I also had to push hard to motivate myself to complete.

At lunchtime, I found Fah and friends in the library and Feije’s expulsion was the main topic and then, lo and behold, she appeared. Everyone gathered around to get the gossip and I made myself scarce so the kids didn’t feel uncomfortable.

Today I’m grateful for:

Gui’s mum for giving me four or five custard apples from their tree outside the cafe. I was surprised and appreciative.

The best thing about today was:

Finishing all my grading files for my students and reflecting on how the semester has been. It is definitely an improvement on last year for me with fewer frustrations. As ever it is always enjoyable to watch these young people and their stories develop. I appreciate them very much and I feel as if some of them appreciate me in return.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There was just one point where a couple of students pushed my patience. I knew they were excited for the holidays but I just wanted them to do a little work for me first. Despite their initial defiance, they could see that I was serious and begrudgingly came and did it. I’m glad they didn’t push it further.

Something I learned today?

In my grade 7 classes this week I’ve just been giving short gratitude quizzes asking three things. What they are grateful for, what they learned and if anything is upsetting them. That last question has proved to be the most interesting. 

This afternoon one of the students, Film, said that they were worried about another student’s mental health. I looked around the room and that student did look troubled and flustered. I took Film aside and asked what had happened and he told me that the student’s two best friends had been bullying him.

Knowing all the students involved I was not too surprised to hear this. 

I took the student off to the teacher’s room and reassured him that the bullies were showing their true colours and were not being good friends. I can see he wants to be good in class but gets roped into doing ‘bad’ things by his friends. I encouraged him and told him that there were other students in the classroom who were concerned and cared about him.

He had a little cry but seemed to understand and appreciate the support. My guess is that they will all be friends again by next semester and it will all be forgotten though I think it would benefit him to find new friends that treat him better.

28th Dec 2023 – Sure enough they are all good friends and thick as thieves again, though I can see the bullied one is a little more cautious now.

What’s my favourite thing to do when I’m feeling down?

These days I kinda know how to stop myself from feeling down but if I feel like I can get it under control I know that sleep often helps me. Another thing that helps is to just do something different. I have so many options available really and it could be something as simple as going for a walk.

I took this picture because Cap hasn’t come and sat next to me for a few months. It was nice to feel his fur on my skin but the temperature was damn hot and sticky already and he was adding to it. I don’t know when or how deeply he sleeps as he seems to move from place to place every five minutes.

No Knowing – 9th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*I only blinked my eye
Suddenly then I knew
I would sooner die
Than doing all I wanted to do

Still practising my growing
With every single breath
Now there’s no knowing
The time to face my death

What I want to say to you
Has many times been said
Do everything you want to do
Before you end up dead

*appropriated from this blog post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

So tired this morning as I didn’t sleep well. Being back together in the cool aircon of our bedroom proper was nice and saw us off to sleep nicely with Cap joining us but, Cap being Cap, he wanted to go in and out a couple of times during the night which meant me opening and closing the door for him. The last time it was almost light so I left the door ajar for him but Tigger also came in and Amy woke up to find him peeing on her bed. First day back and already these cats treat our fresh-smelling beds as their toilets. 

Of course, I got into trouble (with Amy) for leaving the door open. I delayed my alarm to allow an extra 15 minutes of tossing and turning and I would dearly love to be back in bed sleeping more right now.

Today I’m grateful for:

The cafe next door to school changed its policy for every tenth coffee free, getting rid of it completely. I cried that I only had two more to go and then said, how about today for free? To which they agreed and I went away happy. As usual, the taste of their coffee is awful but it has a hell of a caffeine hit.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that there is some event tomorrow morning and it’s optional whether to teach or not. I will definitely not teach the first class and not sure about the second one yet. I’ll see how I and they feel tomorrow morning.

I ended up chatting to one of the students who said they thought that they would have to do some tasks which will take all morning so, what the hell? I doubt if it will take that long but I know they would prefer whatever it is they will be doing over sitting in a classroom anyway.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Many things out of my control today but I’m getting better at just going with it and not getting stressed about things. I can definitely feel that this has changed for me over the last couple of years.

Something I learned today?

I did 5 minutes research into overcoming sensitivity after being bullied and read that CBT is a suggested therapy to help. I will offer some advice and information to the student whom I talked with yesterday evening.

I took no pictures because my brain couldn’t expand enough into the spaces to find something interesting to take a picture of despite interesting things occurring around me. Now is the struggle to find interest in the minutiae, in the minor, in the greys and browns.