Made For Us – 31st October 2024

How can you ever let me down?
We’re not made to be broken
Just like fools, we left so much unspoken
Now the future is a past that’s come back around
We were made to be broken
How could you ever let me down?

A biolet quadrille shared with dVerse – promises.
Highly inspired by The Buzzcocks – Promises


Today I’m feeling:

Not bad once I got going, it was a struggle to get up this morning and my right shoulder was a little achy from using the new silica scrubs I ordered from Temu in the shower last night. For some reason, I had a sudden urge to clean.

Amy came with me this morning as she had some things to do in the city and she’ll pick me up again at 2.30 for my only day of the week to be able to get home a little early.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

My old students, Ploy and Ozone, playfully begging me to teach them again. I’m not sure exactly what brought this on for them but it made me feel good.

I wish I could teach everyone who begs to be taught!

The best thing about today was:

Listening to my grade 8s attempting to read a reasonably difficult passage of text and doing way better than I expected.

They are no longer afraid to try and to fail or get things wrong. Though some still need to be pushed to work because they are not really interested, I can see that they do have the capabilities if they so desired. Unfortunately, they are too busy with distractions most of the time.

Something I learned today?

Today I learned something that has left me a little stunned.

When Amy picked me up, she told me that she had gone to Nut’s house to have lunch with her and Bee, as Bee was visiting the psych at MFU.

Bee then told the whole story about her and George and it is fucking amazing!

Firstly, Bee moved out of their house about 3 years ago and they have been separate ever since! All this time, we have been saying that George was holding her back and that she was stupid to stay and she had actually already left.

This got me thinking about why she never said anything before and it turns out that George is still trying to influence her and to keep things secret from other people.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. We were all shocked to know that they were actually married! Neither of them had ever told any one of us so-called friends about this.

And why did she leave? She finally had enough of his vicious manipulation and control and had to get away from him. She said that he is totally self-absorbed and selfish. He has no friends and only cares about himself.

Well, those things I had figured out for myself and now I feel completely validated. He is indeed the dark empath, the smiling narcissist.

Bee said that he talks badly about everybody behind their backs. This is also a reminder for me to try and not to do the same thing but this one is going to be difficult, as I would love to put him in his place. I’d like to wipe that smirking smile off his face!

Interesting that Kru Mai said George no longer talks with him in the teachers’ room but that George has told others that it is Kru Mai who no longer talks to him!

My mind is blown by all these revelations and it makes me feel more confident in myself. All those times he tried to manipulate and control me, too and got upset when I refused to comply – it’s all making sense and falling into place.

I should never have doubted myself. I realise now that on quite a few occasions in my past, I have been a very good judge of character.

I learned a lot about myself today and that’s great!

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I bought an inspirational poster online and put it up in one of my classrooms today. I will refer to it at different times during my lessons.

I took this picture because today is Halloween and crazy little Winter wore this to school. He is fucking hilarious!

Your thoughts are chosen, your world is advertising now – 25th March 1994

Here you are again dear reader.  I’m currently sat here in the van waiting for my physio appointment.  Some old man politely hassling me about how long I’m going to be parked here cos he wants to put his car here.

Had a weird dream last night that involved a known paedophile and bestial man who I saw running naked down a street chasing a pig.  I was with a bunch of youngsters (11 to 12-year-olds) and to show them that this man was wrong I beat him the ground and pissed all over him!  Knowing he’d be mad at me I ran to the next town and went to where I lived (?) with Martin B(!) on a houseboat(!!!).  The man had got there already and had stolen Martin’s dog!  Jeez, what does all that mean I wonder?

Me and my baby are often in dispute these days and I wonder what it is that’s changed.  We are both of strong character but very forgiving so most arguments are laid to rest quickly but what is it that creates them?  Is it being together every night?  Is it how I am busy in the evenings and Broni just wants to relax?  I can’t help busying myself, it’s the only time I get to do things that I like (ie reading, writing etc).  I know these things are mostly to do on my own and in some ways that’s not fair but I do also take time and trouble to make Bronwyn happy.  It is difficult living with someone even if you are as madly in love with each other as we are. 

I wonder if things were any easier a hundred years ago when the men ruled the roost?  I honestly don’t think I could do that in this day and age, though it seems plenty of people still do.  I’m increasingly appalled by man’s treatment of women.  Why is there a page three girl?  Why so many (any) pornographic magazines?  Women blatantly used to sell everything.  Where in the world can I go to get away from it?  Where do people live in some sort of harmony?  With respect?

Sometimes I feel myself falling into these traps because they are ever present, bombarded at you from every media angle.  What future for our children?  So many decisions are made by few people who believe they know what’s best for the majority.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about Rich and how it’d be nice if he loosened up a bit!  He and Rob have their fair share of arguments I understand, and they live together.  Rich tells me some of the tales but I must confess to not being very sympathetic.  He’s on holiday in Europe right now so maybe that’ll relax him up a bit. 

Mostly the other things on my mind involve Australia.  Everyone’s wishing me luck for when I go. (Hey, I caught up with Little Crabby in Safeways and heard the latest gossip!  His parents got divorced!  Wow!  Murray’s still the same and Jasper’s a pothead!  Double wow!  I remember he wouldn’t touch that stuff when I had it!).  I can’t wait to get to Australia – I think it’s going to be a great adventure and a turning point in my life.

I heard someone talking about their destiny the other day and whether they put their success down to luck but he said it was just about making choices and he was positive in his thinking and therefore made the right choices.  This is the way I will be and I know I’m making the right choice in going to Australia.  I know that this country has little to offer me unless I want to work my ass off for the next 50 years (dying in the next 10 from stomach ulcers).

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I’m in search of that harmonious world, not expecting to find but just happy searching.

I want to mention that Kerry has given up drinking and has slimmed down considerably over the last four weeks.  I mention this on looking back at previous entries when she was drunk!  Just wanted to put that straight.

*The Week That Was – 6th February 1984

Record of the week: DOA – Bloodied But Unbowed

6th February 1984
Knackered. Physics was alright. Maths was totally shit. Lunchtime was boring. I was depressed by now. Social Studies made it worse. As did H.E. Bus home was alright. Hill Street Blues was good – cheer me up. Chucked Andy out of the group.

7th February 1984
R.E. – no teacher. P.S.C.E. – Jim’s shit. Maths – shit. B. Studies – shit. English – good, right piss around. P.E. – basketball – quite a laugh. Told Simon about Andy – no practice Sunday. Grange Hill was good. Went out on bike, down the road and round about. Looks like a good film on later ‘Visions of Death’. Football on instead.

8th February 1984
H.E. – made some bread. Physics – did a mock practical – quite good. Spent 80p on sweets. R.E. was ok. English was ok. B. Studies was boring. Maths was shit. Went out on my ped again. Didn’t do much else really at all at all at all at all at all….

9th February 1984
Art – Ok. P.E. – slaughtered Chesh at badminton. Social Studies – not bad. Business Studies – cut my thumb on a typewriter. English – ok. Fuck all to do at home at the moment. Reading Paul’s fanzine at the mo’. Ped just ran out of petrol or something.

10th February 1984
Did my English exam today – don’t think I did too well. English was a laugh. About 30 of us got caught smoking today. Burdet was lippy to Brooke and has got to see Crud. H.E. – boring. Maths – shit. Played football at lunch – good laugh. Art was ok. Business Studies was ok. Physics was alright. Jim’s decided to go vegetarian. Quite an eventful day so far. Watching telly now – well, there’s not much else to do.

11th February 1984
Got up at 8.15. Went to Poole. Saw Burd. Saw Lisa, Justin etc. Got some vivisection posters. Bought DOA LP. Met Paul around 3.20 and didn’t do much. Went to Arts Centre with Fish, Gilly and Paul. Quite a laugh. Came back home – played records, watched telly. Watched the horror movie – was fuckin’ shit. Talked til about 2.30.

12th February 1984
Woke up 10.30. Played records. Played darts and cards with Paul. Didn’t do a lot. Took dog for a walk. Took Paul back to Wareham. Not a lot on telly tonight. Read book most of the night. Couldn’t stay up for Sgt Bilko.

The Week That Was – 26th August 1979

Record of the week: ELO – Don’t Bring Me Down
Highest entry: Buzzcocks – Spiral Scratch

27th Sept 2021 – Double checking this, I don’t believe the Buzzcocks were the highest entry but I was developing early signs of favouritism and believing what I wanted to believe.

13th June 2022 – It’s also odd now to me as Spiral Scratch originally came out in 1977. I see it was re-issued in 1979, perhaps because so few of the original were pressed at the time but that was quite an achievement to chart on the repress.

26th August 1979
Pistols Split
2p 2p 149p*

13th June 2022 – In hindsight, the Pistols had obviously split long before now but perhaps this was the end of the ongoing Great Rock N Roll Swindle and the flogging of the dead horse. The timing seems to coincide roughly with the reformation of the Professionals so this kinda makes sense.

27th August 1979
Gonna watch My Way Manhattan Murdered
2p 147p*

13th June 2022 – Can’t find anything about this now but guess it was some TV doco about Sid and Nancy. I was going all-in with this punk rock thing though still not really understanding what it was.

28th August 1979
Went to Beaulieu
Saw an Aston Martin Lagonda
2p 221p*

13th June 2022 – Not quite finished with the childhood fascination with cars, Beaulieu was always an exciting visit for a pre-teen boy. Though, funnily enough, I mostly remember the monorail and the palace house as well as the surrounding forest and gardens.

29th August 1979
Gotta old Sex Pistols posters
League Cup 1st Leg 2nd Rd
Ipswich 0-1 Coventry
2p 2p 219p*

30th August 1979
1. Cliff Richard
2. Boomtown Rats
3. B.A. Robertson
4. Roxy Music
5. EWF
6. Specials AKA
7. Darts
8. Flying Lizards
9. Ian Dury
10. Gibson Bros
2p 2p 215p*

31st August 1979
Notta lot
2p 213p*

1st September 1979
Ipswich 2-1 Stoke
2p 211p*