Tag: cactus

Nudge – 30th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Unexpected blossoms
– Sudden purple on blue skies

A gentle reminder
– Life blooms best unscripted, unplanned

Shared with Sammi’s Weekend Writing Prompt #387 – Unexpected (15 words)
10th Nov 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – unexpected

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again, though a tiny bit more tired than yesterday. I picked up another kicker coffee at Utopia this morning and it has me wound up well.

No classes this morning, so a lot of catching up with students’ videos that they sent to me on Monday. Finally cleared all 100 or so of them!

I did a little bit of reading and writing but not as much as I would like. Things will settle down again soon, though.

Amy messaged me that the fields are being burned already and she is understandably annoyed about it. What can we do, though?

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Baipad bought me a cuddly toy for my birthday, which was very nice of her, as I know that she doesn’t really have any money.

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying my new class of grade 10s. I know quite a few of them already and I did my best to try and remember some of the others, which was a tough ask in a room full of 47 students.

They all seemed happy and attentive and enjoyed the class, which wasn’t much more than a grammar quiz on tenses.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Baipad messaged me in the afternoon with the news that her little cat had died due to the car hitting her yesterday. I had kinda assumed that that would be the outcome, as she was tiny.

I saw Baipad a bit later and I think that perhaps she had assumed the same outcome too. She may have been sad but had accepted the situation.

Unfortunately, her mum doesn’t really care about any pets and she can’t really afford to have them either.

I feel a little frustrated for this likeable kid that may just end up facing the same struggles with life as her mum. For whatever reason, her mum isn’t able to encourage her growth and development into a strong, independent adult.

I will do what I can, when I can but I feel it may not be enough.

Something I learned today?

With the new class of grade 10s, I asked them who else teaches them and they told me that George teaches them for eight hours a week. I asked them how it was and what they learned, but they looked a little reluctant to say anything, just saying that he talks with them.

While it felt like they didn’t seem happy with his class, I also wondered how they would answer the same question if asked about my class.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I gave some Oasis posters to Art at Utopia this morning, as he is a big fan.

I took this picture because it’s blooming time again.

A Light Sentence – 18th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 18 Comments

Until the end of my days
I’m fighting to finish this life sentence

It may be 25 years or longer
The key is here somewhere

It’s solitary confinement
No escaping the prison of my mind

Resigned to my fate
The end of the tunnel

Shared with dVerse Quadrille #210 – light

Today I’m feeling:

A little underwhelmed, though everything has been just fine.

I think this is my third day on half a sertraline, and I haven’t had tramadol for a couple of days, too. I’m trying to get by just on kratom and see how it goes.

My butt was sore yesterday from too much sitting and my neck is sore today from not sleeping in the best position last night.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Discovering an old letter from Roger Miller of Mission of Burma! I don’t remember ever writing to them! I have some treasures hidden in my piles of old stuff and looking forward to rediscovering them!

The best thing about today was:

Getting up when I couldn’t stop my brain spinning, as I was drifting into an afternoon nap. It forced me to get up and go look for some photos in my room and then get distracted whilst there and finish off another book of poem updates that had me thinking hard to figure out when they were written and who/what they were about.

In the process of doing that, I found a few other things that were interesting and that I will add to the blog over the weekend.

I am a little conscious of the fact that I am spending a lot of time going back over my past and not generating any particularly memorable moments right now! But I feel ok with that at the moment. I’ll get bored at some point and go and do something else for a while, I’m sure.

Something I learned today?

Amy was telling me why she liked a particular Thai TV show at the moment, because the presenter is standing against injustices carried out by monks. This is very unusual, she said. It gives me hope that Thailand is slowly changing and hope that Amy will be a little bit more positive towards her country.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

In reading through other people’s poetry, I tried to find something positive to say wherever I could.

I took this picture because these two flowers look like buttons to be pushed, but best not to!

A Seed Of Sympathy – 12th May 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

Why does the devil drink?
Is he no longer happy
With our eternal suffering?
Has he grown a seed of sympathy?

Why does the devil drink?
Perhaps he suffers alone
We can’t be happy all the time
And that brimstone must irritate the nostrils!

Why does the devil drink?
Because his book didn’t sell that well?
Always seen as the bad guy
When he’s just doing his job

Why does the devil drink?
Does he want to forget past love
That keeps him awake at night
Tossing on his skull pillow?

Why does the devil drink?
Because too much is not enough?
Are hot tempers calmed
After too much banging on the bone drum?

Submitted to No Theme Thursday

Today I’m feeling:

A bit tired again, maybe from mentally preparing to get back into it with the kids again tomorrow.  I’m excited to see everyone again.

Today I’m grateful for:

Twinkl having a free download day for their whole site.  Perfect timing!  I got a stack of role-play and conversation starters that I can go through and see if I can use in my new classes.

The best thing about today was:

Spending time out in my room, clearing out emails, writing and reading, sorting out files on computers and online and probably the top thing was playing guitar with the new strings that I put on yesterday.  Sounds good again!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Our internet connection got fixed but it still seems a little shaky.  I’m struggling to download some of these things from the Twinkl site because it’s so slow.  I’m trying to handle it with patience! Mostly!

Something I learned today?

This morning Noey told me about a nice breakfast cafe in the city which had sourdough toast with avocado and smoked salmon. I’ll try it one day. It’s called In Am’s Kitchen.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I helped Amy with moving a big cactus from a pot to the ground but it was very clumsy and awkward. Hopefully, it doesn’t get blown over whilst waiting to get some deeper roots.

What have I been reading lately? 

I’m two-thirds through Charles Shaar Murray’s Shoots From The Hip, today reading about The Boomtown Rats and Guy Stevens.  It’s a nostalgic read about the wonders of the music business.

I’m halfway through The Decline of the British Empire, which is an amazing read but requires extended periods of concentration that I haven’t been making enough time for recently.

I’m still in the early stages of Goodbye 20th Century, the Sonic Youth biography but I’ve been skipping that and reading plenty of comics instead, 2000AD (still 21 years behind on that!), Judge Dredd Magazine, ALL of the New 52 comics (only up to 630 of 2500 comics so far!), Volume 1 of Shadowman, Heavy Metal (still in the 1978 issues – some of them are hard going) and I want to start Lucifer and 100 Bullets when I’ve finished Shadowman, Stray Bullets too.

I also have 4 books open on my laptop that I’m dipping into every now and then.

I took this picture last weekend at Chatuchak weekend market as there were plenty of tunnels of books to explore. No pictures today.

The Dragon Inside – 2nd May 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

All your voices will spin their songs
Fighting the dragon inside
For money or for happiness
What do you need to survive?

Fighting the dragon inside
Does the universe respect your vision?
For the art or for the love
You must make your decision

Does the universe respect your vision?
Not until you can define
For truth or for understanding
Or spinning wheels and wasting time

Not until you can define
All your voices will spin their songs
Can you do all this tomorrow?
Have you put it where it belongs?

Inspired by this post at Universe Of Thinking

Today I’m feeling:

Tired after all the running around yesterday. Woke up to mountain-less white skies as the smoke descends.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s student turning up for her online class today at 1 pm forcing me out into my room where I played guitar for the first time this week.  It’s been so hot that I just haven’t bothered going out there even though the air con cools things down fairly quickly.

I caught up on a few other things while I was out there too, so it’s been a reasonably productive day.

The best thing about today was:

Writing an excellent poem for the first contest that I ever chose to enter on the AllPoetry site only to find that in between the time that I started writing and finishing half an hour later, the contest had closed!  I laughed at my bad luck but smiled at the quality of my work.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

(See above)

Something I learned today?

An undercover reporter has an alleged CIA agent admitting that they withheld information from President Trump that China shared all its data about the Covid outbreak in Wuhan.  So whilst Trump was busy blaming China for withholding that info it was, in fact, his own government.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I do this every day at Utopia or House, and sometimes at other cafes and restaurants, but I always take back my finished cups to the counter to save the staff a few seconds having to clean up after me.

Who do I want to spend more time with this month?

This one is easy. 

My students! I miss them a lot, their energy, excitement, drama, learning gives me inspiration.

I took this picture because these two little flowers had suddenly appeared on our cactus. They had closed up again by evening time.

Aymara – 3rd January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The future is behind me
Invisible to the eye
The past keeps coming
Towards me until I die

Understanding is backwards
Yet life is straight ahead
In the end, it’s all done
When it’s all been said

Today I’m feeling:

A little edgy due to lack of sleep.  I kept waking up whilst having wild and unusual dreams.  I forget their story but have kept the feeling as I woke.  It’s a little disconcerting. Leg exercise and stomach stretching was good and easy.  My shoulders are feeling a little better but not sure that they will be fully ok before next week when I’d like to get back to arm and shoulder exercises again.

Today I’m grateful for:

The teachers who helped me with some little things today, such as finding a stapler and staples in the mess of the teacher’s room and sending the student list so that I could print out the student names for my new class.

I’m also grateful to my past self for downloading lots of useful English workbooks in the past and finding something useful to use for my new class.  I already have too many ideas and I haven’t even met them yet or know what their skill levels are.  I’ll soon find out though – first class tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

An interesting comment from Kru Karn when I expressed concern for one of my students that she looks after.  She off-handedly said that most teachers don’t care that much about the students, implying that I do.  I don’t know if she was congratulating or criticising but I took it as a matter of pride.  As an average, untrained English teacher I make it a point to at least care about the students and the job that I’m employed to do.

A late update as I’ve just hopped into bed with delectable-smelling clean sheets and anticipating this, I used the expensive shower gel that smells like glitter and glamour. I’m soft and snug, smelling of champagne!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My grade 7 class was a little out of control, still in holiday mode.  I have the feeling it will be like this until the end of the semester with this grade.  I didn’t push them too hard today, just prepping them for the real work on Friday.

Something I learned today?

The Ancient Romans used to drop a piece of toast into their wine for good health, which is why we ‘raise a toast’.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

After my grade 10 students had completed their work for me I helped them with a speech that they had to do for another class later today.  I recorded the speech myself so that they could copy my pronunciation and I sat with them as they practiced and gave them tips.

If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

Somehow I wonder if I might relax a little knowing this.

Without knowing this, of course, I may die suddenly tomorrow.  I should relax now!

Would I keep working?  I enjoy what I’m doing right now but with a known time limit what else could I do in the meantime?  Would travelling the world feel satisfactory or would it just feel meaningless?  Do I even know how to enjoy myself anymore!

I think perhaps I would go travelling but on a nostalgia trip and also to catch up with old friends and have one last conversation.

I don’t think I would just fuck everything off and spend the time decadently.  Maybe a little!

I took this picture because this weird little cactus at House appears to have the Christmas spirit.

The Super-Tramp – 22nd July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Wisdom, so obvious once read
It makes so much sense
Several times heard it said
Forgotten to one’s expense

Cliches are cliches because
Experiences made them true
Turn what one’s thinking of
Into something one can do

Travel along the world in wonder
It’s there for all to see
Love the skies one’s living under
Being as one should be

inspired by an article about W.H. Davies

Today I’m feeling:

Woke up before my alarm with a sore neck but feeling set to go. We went to the city and ran around from here to there as Amy thought about what to buy next and we both got hungry and grumpy by about 11, in search of food we could agree to eat together. I ended up with a small satisfying fish burger from a stall near Sammakhi school, and Amy, krapao from another stall. Crisis averted.

Today I’m grateful for:

The gloves I bought a couple of months ago for use in the garden as today I could quickly pull out the grass growing around the ‘accidental’ cactuses growing in our concrete pot. Easy. Nearly all our concrete pots have things accidentally growing in them. Just things we throw out from the kitchen and one day sprout again.

The best thing about today was:

A big dinner with Nut and Bruno this evening. I was getting tired but then I realised that we’d been eating and talking for three hours already. Three pretty cats came scrounging for food, two heavily pregnant, one of them tiny and no more than six months old itself.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When Amy saw me pulling grass and weeds up around the garden she suddenly decided that I could help her move some things for her home dinner party tomorrow. My plan was to go and play some guitar. Never mind. Amy wanted the sofa from Kim’s room moved into the classroom. I didn’t like being in Kim’s room again and have avoided it since April. We need to get everything out from there that reminds me of Kim. At the time, and even now, I feel on the verge of tears. It’s getting better and easier every day but it still cuts.

Something I learned today?

As mentioned above I found a shop where I can buy a cheap easy fish burger in the city in the future if I so desire.

I took this picture because our old boy is still cute and despite looking wise, we know different.

Isolation – 22nd May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 18 Comments

Trapped within these walls
There are no words to share
Bare functions, dirty nails
Life lived less there

Rats outside running scared
The snakes all need to eat
From sundown to rise again
A dead circle again complete

The echo chamber of the heart
Energy gone to waste
Dreams quietly smashed apart
With only bitterness to taste 

The many paths that led here
Beyond the now closed door
Content in isolation
Left alone forever more

16th Aug 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy. Mondays are a breeze for me so I enjoyed the whole morning drinking coffee after greeting all the students at assembly. When I went back to school I made some photocopies for David to help him out a little. He is still confused about how things work here and doesn’t really try to help himself in that regard. I chatted with him for a fair while too. He was trying to guess my star sign as he is really into astrology but he guessed wrong and I wouldn’t tell him after that.
I had my first class with new students and took it very easy with them. They were cautious but seemed happy enough. The class didn’t feel too big even though there are 29 students. I felt good and came home as that was me done for the day.

Today I’m grateful for:

The gummy sticky oily rubber tape that Amy’s dad bought to hopefully stop the guttering from leaking in the garage next time it rains. I sanded the metal down and cut the tape to size. The tape smells like it’s full of cancer which, I don’t know, maybe gives it a balance in that something made of carcinogenic material is likely the only thing to stop the bad thing from happening. I’m reasonably hopeful it will work in the short term but all the different types of relentless weather tests even things made of stone. I also need to get on the roof and check the gutter is clear too. Dirt gets trapped up there easily and plants and weeds here don’t need much of anything to start growing.

The best thing about today was:

Almost all my students coming to me saying that they miss me and they want me to be their teacher again. I know they’ll soon get over it but it definitely made me feel good.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Oddly, despite this being the first day back in class I can’t really find anything that felt out of my control. Talking with David he started saying he doesn’t know how I do it, in reference to just getting on with my job and not letting the people around me bother me. It took me a while to figure it out and find the balance I need to be stable. David overthinks things sometimes and sure people are out to get him in some way whereas I’ve come to the conclusion that other people are thinking about you very little, if at all. And even if they are gossiping it’s none of my business. I’m doing what I’m doing and if that’s not good enough then I’m sure someone will let me know.

Something I learned today?

Well, I guessed I learned a little about one of my classes of new students. I see them again first thing in the morning and will do little interviews with them to get a better idea of where they are at.  I will be learning quite a lot this week – more than the students!

How can I make today amazing?

I don’t do amazing. Why is amazing something to strive for? My mundane days are full of amazing things. Every interaction with every atom around me is amazing for what it is. Of course, I’m not always thinking about each of those interactions but when I do I find myself in awe.
Today was filled with love, joy and happiness.

I took this picture because this cactus that got smashed a couple of weeks ago is starting to sprout new wings already.

My first day of teaching and I only have one hour to teach, annoyingly at 1.30 so I have to wait around all morning. This is ok though. I can get a bunch of things done and ensure that I have things prepared for the rest of the week.
Recently I haven’t been taking Tramadol very often and I’m surprised at the lack of side effects not taking it this time; usually, I get really dizzy. But I think I’ll pop some again once I get back into the working habit.
I’m feeling pretty okay again. I’m glad to be out of home, as much as I love it there.
One of my students, Eing Eing, was a little reticent about studying with David this semester and kept telling me she wanted me to teach her and that she loves me. Quite a few students are disappointed that I’m not teaching them.
It’s a nice feeling to have their appreciation. But this is life and we don’t get everything we want.
Soon enough they will be telling David that they love him too.

Food Fight – 18th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A starving cycle, a luxury trap
The fight for food for generations
These are anxious times to live
Constantly making preparations
Adapted gut, adopted aches
Too late to repair our mistakes

Today I’m feeling:

Fairly positive and upbeat. I enjoyed being around the students this morning though still left at 10am as there was nothing specific for me to do. But everyone is in a fairly good and relaxed mood, teachers and students both.

Today I’m grateful for:

The second 20 baht shop I went to that had some cheap nasty leather gloves that I want to use to pull up the grass around the cactuses as the gardeners will just smash all the little hidden ones with the cutter. I don’t feel comfortable asking them to pull out the grass first even though that’s kinda what I’m paying them for. It’s a little annoying task I can do to help the cactuses grow and make me feel good. The gloves are badly made and uncomfortable on the pinky finger but they’ll stop me from getting spiked I hope!

The best thing about today was:

Pretty much everything was enjoyable today. I feel quite happy. I’m still a little guarded when I write that as I still feel that I have no right to be happy.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In our teacher’s room today we were introduced to Ren, a new university student teacher on placement. Kru Mai said he likes to cross-dress and cosplay. George started saying why do we get these strange or ugly student teachers and why not get some hotties instead and then Kru Mai talked about another one (female) starting this week that was cute. I bit my tongue and left.
I know it’s just gossipy shit talk but George is often saying things like that. I used to play along and I’m not averse to working with attractive people but it’s usually the weird and unattractive ones who have the best personalities and are more enjoyable to work with.
It’s not nice to complain about the lack of beauty in our co-workers and if it’s not sincere then it’s a bad joke.

Something I learned today?

I watched a short documentary about kids speed-cubing, solving Rubic cubes as quickly as possible. Not life-changing but a little interesting. I’m still more impressed by the young Chinese boy who solved 3 cubes whilst juggling them, in under six minutes. When I see crazy feats like that I wonder what more meaningful achievements lie ahead for people like that, or if they expended all their brain power on this inconsequential feat.

What is a decision I need to make?

I can’t decide what to write. Right now, it’s a decision about whether to read a little or just go to sleep.

I took these pictures because this is about as close as these decade-old companions ever get to each other. Still putting my Kim Chi love into these two so taking lots of pictures of them.

A letter to future Hayden (sent 18th May 2022)

Dear Future Hayden,

You just finished your work orientation and I just started back at school. We’re both moving forward with this next step and who knows where will be by the time we read this. It’s exciting.

I don’t know too much about the kind of work you will be doing but it does sound as if it will be rewarding and fulfilling, along with frustrating and difficult as all work can be. I hope you are enjoying it and getting back some of the good karma that you are putting out there. I don’t believe in karma as an external thing, in that it actually comes back to you from outside yourself. I think it is internal. Helping other people just makes you feel good and more positive about all the things going on around you. What do you think?

When we receive this letter it gives us chance to look back and reflect on the last 12 months. For better or worse, here we are.

Love
Dad

Where To Hide? – 29th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Where can I hide from you?
Your red and blue words cut
Angel face, honest and true
Harder to crack than a nut
Where can I hide from me?
My blue and red words cut
My cave mind unfair, unfree
Always stuck in my own nut
All that glitters is not gold
Our stories best left untold

Today I’m feeling:

Very relaxed feeling today so far. I feel like I got an unexpected holiday gifted to me.

Today I’m grateful for:

My curtains all around the house. Since Amy went back to Australia I keep most of the curtains drawn all day to try and stop the sunlight and heat getting in. I think in our next house we have to think more carefully about design to allow better airflow and insulation to keep heat out. If there ever is a next house.

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying all the things I was reading from Substack articles about events in China, Dave Simspson’s book The Fallen about ex-members of the Fall and Michael Parkinson’s biography about his interviews with Muhammad Ali.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I called Hayden today and he was feeling down about things. He complained about his friends and how he feels they are treating him and also that he was feeling lonely. I was a little stuck with what to say and ended up saying that me and mum were far from good examples on how to make and maintain friendships and I felt a bit apologetic towards him. I tried to generalize things a bit and tell him that we often don’t have any idea what other people are dealing with so we have to forgive them and at the same time, we also have to be kinder to ourselves. I’m still trying to understand these things so he shouldn’t beat himself up about not knowing the best thing to do.  Although I couldn’t really help him at least he knows he has someone he can talk to.

Something I learned today?

I think I accidentally saw the result from today’s Swans match whilst looking around Youtube. I didn’t see a score but the picture and title were definitely pointing to a defeat. Oh well. I will still watch the match replay tomorrow morning and try and enjoy it!

What is my idea of fun?

These days I feel like I have no idea about fun. I’m happy and content but fun doesn’t play much of a part in my life right now. Perhaps the closest I get to the feeling is going on crazy bike rides or being with my students. I would love to be involved in concert organisation again but there’s just no chance of doing it locally and I’m slowly losing touch with what’s going on around southeast Asia too.

I took this picture as a follow-up to yesterday’s. It seems these flowers don’t burst open into bloom, they just wilt like this. They look like they are tired and gave up.

Morning Glory – 28th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Remember, everything is going to be alright
Or else you’ll fill yourself up with spite
You may either inspire or sometimes bore me
Either way, I’m just telling myself a story

Today I’m feeling:

Feeling ok today. Not particularly enthusiastic about anything but not down on anything either.

Today I’m grateful for:

The last serving of Amy’s fake duck with rice from the freezer. I’ve managed to spread out all the meals she left for me for three months. I really love that she did that for me.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out I have another week off before heading back to school. Woohoo! I was sure we would start again on Monday but held out hope that it would be the following Monday and so it is!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I thought I would be taking Runa to the airport this evening for her flight back to Bangkok and around midday she called and asked if it was ok to come over at around 4 pm when her cousin would drop her off. Sure no problem. I was tired from getting up early again and couldn’t resist an afternoon snooze and when I woke up it was already 5 pm. I tidied up a little (a very little!) and went to do some watering by which time it was 6 pm and Runa called again saying she was still in the city and not to worry about taking her to the airport. Well, ok! This is Thailand and I’m used to this flexibility now and not bothered if it doesn’t really affect me too much. I’ve probably also learned not to put myself in situations where I may be reliant on people who are unreliable therefore avoiding any drama.

Something I learned today?

Amy met Nong May and her boyfriend Jay for dinner as they haven’t met up for 6 months or so. Amy told me they are suing one of their Dodee franchisees because they opened a second store out of contract and tried to hide it by altering the name and the colours of the logo.  I can’t imagine getting into something like that. It seems crazy to me. May’s family has gone through more drama than the BBC.

What is something I’d like to do for someone else?

I’m finding this tough to think of something specific and something applicable to right now. Usually, if I feel like doing something for someone it is not particularly planned. Of course, I do like to do things for Amy, my cats and my students but those are standard. It’s like when I track if I have complimented anyone today I always exclude Amy, my students and my baristas – it must be someone I don’t always compliment anyway.

I took this picture because suddenly this cactus sprouted these flowers. I’m not sure if they bloom and open up but I’ll find out in the next day or two.