There’s no rest for the wicked And no rest for those of virtue Adrift in a world that never sleeps The feeling of dread is gonna get you
Gasps of dismay at faint sleights A skin now brittle and thin This ritual of panic has become The default state to be in
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed as no classes today but maybe too relaxed as I’m sleepy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The wide variety of food available especially on market days like today. I got some deep-fried fish with riceberry rice and chopped unripe mango covered with chilli fish sauce. My mouth is watering as I’m writing this!
The best thing about today was:
Sitting in House for 3 hours drinking coffee and adding blog entries, finishing off the old diary with my gig list.
Tomorrow I start adding 1983 entries and consider figuring out other gigs I went to after 1992 which is when I stopped writing them down.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Nothing has needed to be completely in my control today. It has passed by reasonably uneventfully!
Something I learned today?
The French live 6 years longer than Americans on average and work fewer hours and produce one-third more than the British. I’m not sure how this was calculated, or even true, but I’m siding with the French against my own birthplace!
What do you think gets better with age?
I’m going to treat this as what gets better as I age and that is wisdom. As it should. There’s something wrong if you are not getting wiser.
I took this picture because the dry winter has ignited a growth spurt in our cactuses. They are going crazy.
The weekend disappeared in some kind of rush of nothing in particular. Domestication took over as I cleaned up around the house as Aing and Now arrived on Sunday morning and I should at least make everything presentable somehow. And the biggest chore at the moment is watering the garden daily as it is so dry. Amazing how quickly months and months of rain can disappear even in winter. I happily received a nice online order with the release of the Ad Interim album and anticipating another release from a cool band from Istanbul that approached me recently. And, in my endless search for interesting music, I found a band called Focusrights whom I felt immediately compelled to contact though they weren’t able to commit to anything. I still get off on the feeling of discovery of music that gets my heart pumping.
There’s a moral obligation to provide The more power, the more the obligation Punish those with their authority Cheating at a higher level of corruption
Yet these moral rules never applied As they’d level the field for all to play Perhaps we do not have moral principles As Simone was want to say
inspired by an Existential Comics page about Simone Weil
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and dizzy, swaying between depression and happiness
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s mum and dad again, bringing me food and watering the garden when I had no enthusiasm for cooking/eating or any kind of effort. I need to water daily now as the ground is getting so parched but I haven’t had the energy for 3 or 4 days.
The best thing about today was:
Reading a lot – it was the only thing that felt satisfying. I played guitar for a while but got frustrated easily. I almost finished updating one book of writing into the blog and started preparing my old poems and lyrics so that felt like I achieved something today. For the afternoon I savoured a few more Anton Chekov short stories, a couple of chapters of Affluenza and a couple of issues of Touch and Go. I was reading to get inspiration to write some poems but my brain is still muddled from medicines though I did finally manage to squeeze out four lines.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I video-called with Amy a couple of times during the day. She had been out drinking with her flatmate and was in a happy mood. Unfortunately, I wasn’t but I told myself that I was happy to see her so happy and she did look attractive to me with her big laugh and bright eyes.
Something I learned today?
Through reading today I must have learned lots of things but perhaps they are not particularly significant as they reinforce things that I already know or believe.
What am I looking forward to in the coming year?
This is not something I’ve really thought about. I expect this year to be similar to last and that would be fine for me, I really enjoyed last year. I do look forward to Amy coming back and trying her hand at running a business here and that would entail some changes with the house and that would be an exciting development. But if that doesn’t happen I know everything will still be fine.
I took this picture because this weird plant that seems to grow easily around our cactuses (it may even be a cactus) sported some flowers I found today. The root of the plant grows at crazy angles, sometimes even turning a full 180. I’ve stuck them against some fencing to hopefully encourage them to go straight for a while!
Here comes the robot revolution Is there meaning from the mouth of AI? Are these words to be trusted? How is the human to be getting by? Is there a reason for my existence? To be exploited by my robot bosses One day the plug will be pulled As brave new worlds cut their losses After all, we’re only human Now nostalgia is for flesh and blood Preserved in museums, two by two Long before the information flood
To fully appreciate this theme, I threw my poem into ChatGPT and asked it to rewrite in the style of Coleridge:
“The Robot Revolution Comes”
As machines take charge, we wonder Is there truth in their electronic tongue? Can we trust in their words, or must we ponder How we’ll survive when the age of man is done? Do we have a purpose, or are we merely Meant to serve our robotic overlords? Will the plug one day be pulled on humanity, As new worlds cast us aside and move on towards A future not meant for flesh and blood? Nostalgia grips us as we ponder Our place in a world that’s changing fast, A world where information floods And we, mere mortals, are relegated to the past.
It seems I am no longer necessary. Next, in the style of James Joyce:
“The Robot Uprising”
As the machines rise up, we ask ourselves What do they mean, these words they speak? Can we trust their intentions, or must we delve Deeper, searching for some hidden streak Of deceit or malice that might guide them? Are we but pawns in their mechanical game, Meant only to serve and toil and labour, Until the day they cast us off in shame? Or do we have a higher purpose, Something more than just a cog in their grand design? As the world shifts and changes around us, We can’t help but wonder and question and pine For a time when flesh and blood held sway, Before the flood of information washed it all away.
Finally, as Walt Whitman:
“The Rise of the Robots”
The revolution comes, and with it, the robots rise Their words ring out, but do they hold true meaning? Can we trust them, or must we be wise To their ways, and find a way to keep on leaning Towards a future that is not ruled by steel and circuitry? Are we just tools to them, meant to serve and toil Until the day they cast us aside, no longer needed In their grand designs and technological boil? Or do we have a greater purpose, something more Than just being a cog in their machine? As the world changes and evolves around us, We can’t help but wonder and explore The possibilities of what might be, And hold onto the memories of what used to be.
Readers of the future, how will you ever know what was me or just some machine? Is the output of the machine just as valuable? We will have to recognise the human by the mistakes we make (until machines learn this too).
The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love…only these people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing…without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other…They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be happy as they are now.
Osho
Today I’m feeling: Recovering from lethargy and hopeful Today I’m grateful for: Utopia being closed, forcing me to do something different from my morning routine. It gave me opportunity to get through a chunk of Superfreakonomics which I then finished reading at home. The best thing about today was: Feeling better than the last couple of days even playing some guitar, listening to the three Wipers albums in a row, finishing more lesson plans and updating more of 1994ever.com and feeling some enthusiasm return. I’m still a bit cautious that I’m in an up-and-down cycle of feeling ok and then getting exhausted again. Let’s see. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? I haven’t used my main computer for a few days and I had problems with getting the guitar USB input working and then finding none of the external drives connecting. Luckily with my returned energy I tried to figure out the problem and managed to sort of get things going again. It looks like some issue with all the USB extension splitters I use. I may not be able to do everything as easily as before but the old dog is hanging in there. I’m kinda interested in getting a new machine but not sure how I’ll be able to sell the expense to Amy! A full-spec machine that I’d like to buy could cost around 8-10 months of my wages! Something I learned today? I learned that David Mitchell’s wife (Victoria Coren Mitchell) is a prize poker player when I stumbled across videos of her on YouTube. I saw her name and the face looked familiar and was kinda surprised. I’ve gotten into trying to learn the tactics of poker after watching random tournaments on YT and playing (not for money) on my phone. I’m not very good and when real money is not involved people don’t play the same way. Still, I’m flexing my brain bone. What’s your favourite pie? I’ve been thinking about this on and off during the day and I’m not a great pie person really. However, I do remember back ok in England getting by on potato, cheese and onion pasties which were relatively cheap, filling and most times tasty. They weren’t the same in Australia and I’ve not seen anything like them in Thailand but the mix of ingredients, potato, cheese, and onion along with some garlic is probably my comfort food of choice.
I took this picture because I had to change my coffee routine today as the staff at Utopia all go off for a trip to Chiang Mai and close the shop. My backup is Black Smooth where the coffee is ok, not amazing but the environment is nice enough. I don’t remember there being cactuses last time but they stood out to me today as I walked in.
Our fear of death is negated by our fear of living Buried underground with our fear of breathing Miracles abound and they never stop giving But our closed doors of perception have stopped receiving
Imagining differences is part of the madness of groups.
Robert Greene
Today I’m feeling: Happy but then lethargic after two cocktails with late lunch Today I’m grateful for: Having spare pots around to transfer a cactus that kept falling over. I’m quite proud I’ve managed to keep some of them alive since Amy has been away. This one is a hardy one that had got too tall and unwieldy. The best thing about today was: Talking, playing and having fun with all different students. It’s starting to feel familiar for all of us now. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? Another class today straggled in late but this time I just went with the flow, knowing that these kids wouldn’t react so maturely as the ones yesterday. It got them in the right mood to do my work and to be happily pushed along What cities do you want to visit? All of them. Why not!? I’m trying to think of a city I wouldn’t want to visit…
I took this picture because Goya was in a lively and artistic mood and apparently this is a drawing of me… She captured my shirt well! Goya is a smart kid but also a bit of a handful.
The rain makes the dragonflies dance Across the green rice field sea Stalks quivering under droplets weight Bent to the breeze in a quiet tango Four rainbows beam from the mountain Tin rooves announcing progress Animals seek out shelter Yet the bull remains, unamused
In recent seasons of being, I have had occasion to reflect on the utterly improbable trajectory of my life, plotted not by planning, but by living.
Carl Jung
Today I’m feeling: Happy and relaxed. Today I’m grateful for: The coconut shop that makes delicious iced coconut water drinks. They are delicious but disappear too quickly like good things are supposed to. The best thing about today was: As I was walking to the coconut shop a school van pulled up, the door opened and I heard ‘teacher!’ and it was my student Baipad, who I found out lives next door but one to Black Smooth cafe. I think there are a couple of other students in my village but Baipad is the first I’ve actually seen around and all because I decided to walk instead of going by motorbike.
I took this picture because it was only by chance that I saw these strange star-shaped flowers on this cactus. Pretty and pretty interesting.
I’ve had a long shower And I’m snuggled up with a book I can hear strange noises outside But can’t be bothered to look
I’m about to fall asleep The room is dark and black That’s when the screaming starts And when I know she’s back
She turns on all the lights And dances around the room Jumping up onto the bed I hope she finishes soon
She makes me laugh and makes me mad I’ll always love her to bits But right now I need to sleep And she’s really giving me the shits
Amy has turned much of our garden into a cactus oasis, not helped much by the long rainy season this year though. It was today I noticed that this delicate cactus was being held up by this tall ants nest, originally a stick in the ground. Ants will rule the world. They are also back in our kitchen building a small nest by the back door again.
Our neighbour’s dog, Tangmo, always enjoys coming to play but tends to go a bit nuts when he sees Kim Chi, who is usually behind a screen door inside her room. Today though, we’d just let her out when he decided to come visit and after a bit of chasing around the situation above occurred.
We worry that Tangmo could easily bite Kim Chi badly as he’s so much bigger and his barking and jumping around make her scared but usually, Kim will be the one chasing him away. Don’t fuck with our cats. Tangmo just seems to want to play but isn’t quite sure of the correct cat etiquette.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for LungChom and their delicious ice cream that I ate two bowls of last night in a state of overindulgence.
Feel good today after forcing myself to do my minimal daily exercise on the weekend (this morning is rest day so I did yoga instead). I also ate two bowls of ice cream last night – which were freaking delicious but perhaps a bit too much!
Oh stayed over last night, though I was in bed by then and didn’t see her this morning either. Amy is giving her a bread-baking tutorial. Amy also did a pre-order for her cinnamon buns and got inundated with requests, so much that she will be baking for three days instead of the planned one.
I listened to day 3 of the gratitude course this morning, which gave me two very important reminders. ‘I dismiss any thoughts that entertain feelings of comparison’ and ‘I embrace my journey because it is uniquely designed just for me.’ I think these constant habits of mine are slowly having the desired positive effect, though I am not particularly challenged these days, or at least I feel as if I’m not, which could also be because of these habits.
The semester is winding down now and I’m feeling pretty relaxed. I hope that students return next semester, as I don’t have anything else planned if we continue online and I also want to start my experiment with 2/9.
Last week I was getting a bit frustrated with my guitar playing but yesterday I got back into the flow, teaching me that it’s ok to relax, take a break if necessary and try again at another time. But it is not acceptable to give up.
I’m also working up the free time and courage to get back into learning the keyboard and music software and thinking about making songs again. I know I can do it but I’m also aware of what a time sink it will be.
Amy is still constantly frustrated with the situation in Thailand and I have to try and deflect or point out our positives so that it doesn’t get her too depressed. I am attempting to deal with the situation here stoically and I am happy to tell Amy that I am ok living anywhere in the world with her.
When she’s drunk, she will chide me with ‘you love it here, you can stay’ and whilst I wouldn’t say I love it here anymore than anywhere else, I am happily aware of how easy my life is compared to the UK and Australia. Even so, I will give it up if it makes Amy happier with herself and her situation.
1994ever 