The little girl stares at my dress Telling me about my pretty hair Wide-eyed at the new world The little girl is just me, sitting there
She holds my heart in her hands As we both are looking up above Wondering what all the futures hold For the mystical creatures we will love
Today I’m feeling:
Exhausted still and a little uninspired. Bruno and Nut will come for a Christmas dinner later, hopefully I perk up a little before that. I’ve not been sleeping that well due to sore shoulders, maybe from lying down too much!
Today I’m grateful for:
All the work Amy did throughout the day to prepare a great meal for dinner this evening.
The best thing about today was:
Finding Tigger curled up in a plant pot, which still had soil in it. He was grumpy because yesterday I shampooed his head again and this morning I sprayed on some medicine to help clean up his wounds. He almost always takes himself off to get himself dirty again after I try to clean him up.
At the same time, Cap had somehow managed to open the door to the spare room and was curled up happily on the bed. Hopefully he hasn’t peed on it.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy got upset at me in front of Bruno and Nut when I said I didn’t want any mussels yet as I was filling up on everything else. She took it as an affront to her cooking skills but that was not my intention.
There was nothing much I could do except sit there and take her sour words towards me which miffed me a bit as I was enjoying everything otherwise. I feel like she chose to take my words the wrong way and make something out of nothing. That’s not something I can control.
Eventually she lightened up again but still threw barbs every now and then. I’ll not get bothered by it as it happens occasionally and usually when Amy is drinking happily and suddenly something I say or do sets it off. I can’t predict it at all.
Since I don’t drink much anymore it’s just something I need to try and be more aware of in the future. My default is to be silent but that is not really a good ongoing strategy for communication between us.
Something I learned today?
New clothes are being developed that can regulate temperatures powered by flexible solar panels built into the fabric.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I bought some cheap drawing pads for Baipad today but rather than just giving them to her, contacted her friends Jan and Apple, and will give them the books, asking to add a Christmas message and once they’ve done that, to gift them to Baipad.
I helped Amy in the garden when requested and kept out of her way in the kitchen whilst she prepared food for our meal this evening.
I took this picture to try and capture the bubbles in this champagne glass, viewed from above.
Excellent. Got up 5 minutes earlier than usual so that I can incorporate some stretching into my morning exercise routine. Also gone back to two lots of exercise. The habit is fairly well entrenched now so doing a little extra is not too much of an issue.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru David joining me briefly for a coffee at House. It cut into my writing time but actually, I appreciated a quick chat about AFL and racist English hooligans!
The best thing about today was:
Getting home around 2pm and getting lots of things done earlier than usual (trying to prioritise things). It’s not even 6pm at the moment and just a couple of things left to do. I was already contemplating going to bed and reading comics and I’ll do that soon I think.
I need to adjust my sleep time a little too, with getting up five minutes earlier and extra morning exercise. I don’t seem to have any problem falling asleep but I’ve not been getting good sleep recently due to waking up with pain in my right shoulder.
Something I learned today?
I read an interesting article on the West’s history of the Great Leap Forward in China and how no one who went there could find any evidence of a famine at all. There were food shortages due to 3 years of crop failure and the US, intent on destroying the Communist Party of China, then sanctioned grain into the country. However, the CPC continued to distribute grain to those most in need.
The whole narrative is posited to be pure Western propaganda and the figures quoted for the number of people who died were just the usual number of people that died anyway. When something is quoted as ‘6 million people died during the famine’ it implies that it would be on top of the normal death rate.
The author provided lots of evidence and it also reinforces other articles I’ve read recently stating that the US war with China started when they realised the Nationalists would be defeated by the communists.
Over time, I’ve become more convinced of the lies and deceit at play in the hands of the USA and it has become much harder to decide what is the truth. As the old phrase states, ‘If you see the lips moving then you know they are lying.’
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
The usual encouragement to my students for trying their best.
What were some moments of joy I experienced this year?
This is hard for me to recall specifically but as moments of joy did not particularly stand out (which doesn’t mean I wasn’t happy or having a great time) I do recall moments of savouring. And these too are not specific but I do recall the feeling when it occurs.
Sometimes this might be several times a day and other times maybe just once a week. It could be on a bike ride, drinking a coffee, eating food or just sitting and reflecting. That feeling has come more often in recent years rather than moments of joy.
I took this picture because Cappuccino looked beautiful sitting in the soft light of the sunrise this morning.
A bit more lively than yesterday and with a little bit of tension knowing that I have a few things to do. Amy will go out for lunch with Aun so there shouldn’t be any interruptions.
Today I’m grateful for:
Poowanut at Heaven and Hell record store for immediately paying for a couple of copies of the Jornada Del Muerto LPs which I immediately got packed and will send to him tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
Getting everything done that I had planned. The day went way too quickly though. Even what feels like doing nothing in particular goes too fast and being bored is a thing long past!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This one happened to Amy but I got to hear all about it. As mentioned above Amy had planned to meet Aun for lunch but as it approached time to leave she called Aun just to double-check, who then said she was still in bed and hungover and could she cancel.
Amy was rightly annoyed and complained to me about this common occurrence amongst her friends in Thailand.
She blamed herself though, saying that she should’ve known better. As she continued I just kept listening and acknowledging her displeasure and she let it all go with a ‘better just to be by myself and not care about other people.’
Something I learned today?
My football team, Ipswich Town, making a bid to return to the top tier of English football lost their first game this season to West Bromwich Albion.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I smiled and acknowledged the old lady (she may not have been old) at Utopia in the morning. She gave me a nod and a smile as she left.
I committed to investing time and money in a new release for SpeechOdd and High Voltage.
A random guy had emailed me last week about wanting to buy a CD in my collection and though I really like it I figured I could track it down again and he seemed really desperate to get it so I decided to let it go today.
Another random guy had emailed me about making music together but he thought that I had made a song that was actually done by Trumans Water. I forwarded his message to the band and replied to the guy that I had done so.
What made me smile today?
Walking into Utopia after riding my pushbike from home, I smiled and greeted staff and customers with a smile because I was in a good expectant mood looking forward to that first sip of delicious coffee.
Seeing Cappuccino and Tigger curled up in the cat tree boxes.
Watching a funny video of a kitten running after a delivery guy whilst I was laying next to Amy in bed after having my morning shower.
I feel like I didn’t smile that much really even though I’m pretty happy today.
What puts me in a good mood?
Seeing my students. They can also have the opposite effect but in general, being around all the students at school makes me happy and picks me up.
Coffee helps too!
I took this picture because I managed to capture Cap’s blue eyes.
The breeze blows through the open door -Outside whipping the trees –A glass of cold water waits —It is happiness pure and plain —-Mr Piano Man plays a song for me —-I’ve nowhere else to be —Using words to explain –That the world demonstrates -It will do as it may please The breeze blows through once more
Dizzy. Not unhappy or down just bothered by feeling sick. I ended up coming home after my first class as I was getting dizzier. I sent some instructions to my other two classes to complete some work for me this afternoon. I wonder if they will do it!
Today I’m grateful for:
Medicine that is helping my body fight this flu. David was telling me he thought he was getting sick but didn’t take any medicine just using natural remedies instead. Which is fine but everything is chemicals and the virus is natural too.
The best thing about today was:
Starting to feel better by late afternoon, at least until I move too fast. Then I feel dizzy again. I ended up doing a lot of Thai study today, getting back into the ThaiPod101.com learning. I’m considering paying for it again and pushing myself.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I got home I got into bed and setup with my laptop. Cap was scratching at the door so I decided to let him in for a change. But within a second of jumping on my bed he started peeing and when I smacked him he jumped over to Amy’s and started peeing there. Motherfucker! I quickly grabbed up everything and shoved it into the washing machine. So much for getting some rest. I’m in the living room now and maybe I’ll nap a little.
Something I learned today?
According to newly declassified documents, in 1992 the US government laid out plans for Asia never to be allowed to be ruled over by an Asian country. It must always remain under US control.
When was the last time I cried?
A lot of tears were shed immediately after Kim’s passing and still now when I think of her my eyes get wet, even as I’m writing this.
When do I feel most calm?
When I’m alone.
I took this picture because Baitong came good on her promise to paint me a picture from her imagination. Amy was impressed and wondered if she could pay her to paint a picture of our cats.
When I was a ghost, my eyes were never met Unknown, unspoken, unseen, unheard There I stood, three monkies wiser Until hearing the whisper of the magic word
A name on a page, a name in lights Is that me, is this real? Does a grain of sand on life’s beach Really understand what the ocean might feel?
You can see me and I can feel you Alone but never lonely, loneliness lost Spaces filled with words and chatter To balance it all comes at a cost
Tides are changing, shores are filling Days and nights are both illuminating The stories brought here remind me Of the sandcastles we’re all creating
Better than yesterday though still not quite awake, I feel. I had fun with all the kids at the flag ceremony this morning but need this first coffee for my first class.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the people who handled the parcel of records that got delivered safe and sound to me today from Turkey.
The best thing about today was:
Spending time and effort with one one-on-one reading with my grade 8 students. Both yesterday and today’s classes are a challenge and I think it is beneficial to spend even just five minutes one one-on-one as often as possible. I can only do this with about 6 or 7 students per one two-hour class though.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My final class of grade 7s was disrupted somewhat as one student told me that a few of them were supposed to go for football practice. I told them that they could go when they finished their work but unfortunately they struggled with the work and then as it rolled past the time they asked to leave they struggled with their attitude. Many students ended up 20 minutes late for their vans as I wouldn’t let them go unless they at least attempted the work.
The kids don’t know how to help themselves and the other classmates that understand are reluctant to help now as their kindness has worn thin. The students that slacked last semester will struggle this semester as I ask them to think more about their own ideas, beliefs and feelings. Things that they can’t ask the answers from other students.
I managed to remain mostly patient throughout all this. Mostly.
Something I learned today?
I just realised that the candy I’m eating right now have little tidbits of information on them and so I just learned that crocodiles can’t stick their tongues out. Fairly useless information for 99.5% of people on Earth but there we are. I learned that today.
If I could change one thing about my life, what would it be?
I can imagine that this would be something ridiculous like not having to sleep or being able to party without hangovers! Or not die until I’m ready!
Or that I still had youthful boundless energy.
If I could change one thing about my life I would have done it already.
Which side of the bed do you sleep on?
It seems that I am always the one closest to the door so that if anyone ever breaks in to try and kill us they will go for me first. I don’t know if this is a subliminal thing on Amy’s behalf or why that makes her comfortable but it doesn’t bother me. I can sleep on any side of any bed so long as it is comfortable.
Right now we each sleep in the middle of our own King-sized beds which is both ridiculous and amazing.
I took this picture because this old boy was waiting for me to finish exercising so he could eat. Tigger wasn’t far away either. I didn’t feed them as Amy wants to do it ‘her way’ which I know is just to get their affections! I noticed that by this evening both cats are no longer looking at me with expectation but at Amy instead!
Right now you are feeling so sad and down about life. One week ago today you took little Kim to the vet where they told you she would have to stay overnight. By the next day she was gone and on the following day you buried her next to the garage.
That first week without her has been hellish. With Amy away in Australia, herself suffering the sadness along with the inability to comfort each other, it feels like double emptiness. One little cat had made such a great impact on your own little life.
You try and fill the space with Cap and Tig but their own individual personalities don’t cut it. They have their own thing going on.
Along with all this is the terrible air pollution burning your eyes and giving you headaches. When you read this it will just be a memory and hopefully you are enjoying the clean fresh air at the end of rainy season and looking forward to winter. Don’t forget this though. This shitty air will come again. Be prepared.
As the ghosts of Hellcat still haunt you, slowly this pain will dampen and I hope that all you have now are the best memories of little Kim Chi and all the love she brought to you. Like all that you’ve lost in your life – mum, Steve, Kimi – they were special.
This is hard to write. I’m sitting here in Utopia feeling a little like not wanting to go home and be surrounded by the memories. It’s the holidays now and not wanting to go out into the foul air means staying home and subjecting myself to the constant reminders of that bright-eyed little one.
I hope you are feeling better mate. Shaun from the past
Today I’m feeling:
Aching all over. Old muscles must’ve been activated yesterday. I slept well enough and woke up before my 8 am alarm but feel like today may need a nap to catch up fully.
I was dizzy drinking my coffee and have come home and got back into bed! I don’t feel sleepy, just tired.
Today I’m grateful for:
Yesterday! Despite my tired body, I feel great, especially after a two-hour top-up of sleep. Slowly I’m feeling (and seeing) the benefits of my exercise habit.
The best thing about today was:
I enjoyed playing guitar today and ended up playing for about an hour and a half. I didn’t do a whole lot of anything else much otherwise though. No exercise at all today. Give my body a chance to recover.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Around 2 pm I decided to go out to the shop next to Utopia to get my favourite dish, Lard Na, but when I got there the lady said she’d run out of the crispy noodles. She provided a solution in Thai that I didn’t understand but agreed to and waited with some trepidation. But I shouldn’t have worried because the thick rice noodles she used she had added an egg too which had gone crispy and tasty, all buried under the usual sauce, tofu and veggies I like.
Something I learned today?
I watched a couple more episodes of The Making of Apocalypse Now and understood more the parallels of the history, the movie’s story and the making of it. The crew went through their own kinds of hell to make it possible. Quite an impressive feat and one of my favourite movies.
What do I hope to achieve someday?
100? To wake up with no aches? Recognition, immortality, legend?
Complete 100% satisfaction and happiness?
I feel like I don’t have any real goals set to tick off any achievements and now I pass the mantle on to Hayden and my students. They have potentially more future ahead of them than I do and my hope is that they achieve some of their dreams and wishes.
I took this picture because this little buddy was pleased to see me again and quickly presented her belly for rubs.
Just wait a minute, slow it down You can’t see the trouble brewing The choices made are pure emotion And you don’t know what you are doing
Wait a minute, test the waters Before the wave crashes and breaks You’re rushing headlong into trouble And the pain of those mistakes
Wait a minute, use your brain Look at the direction you are going Don’t brush off the wiser words Thinking you’ve done all the knowing
Wait a minute before you decide To step into the fire and burn Live to fight another day With all the things you’ll learn
Wait a minute, take a breath Are you certain that you know it all? Is now the time to experience The depths to which you’ll fall?
Today I’m feeling:
Perhaps after yesterday’s prompt about dreams, I was very aware of the dream I was having this morning as my alarm went off. For some reason my thoughts and emotions were spiralling out of control and even as I was aware of it happening I couldn’t control it. Nong Fah was trying to comfort me in a kind of student/teacher role reversal, but it didn’t work.
This dream was based on events from yesterday when Spain was very emotional in class and couldn’t be consoled. He is on the spectrum as is said these days and was having a tough time.
Yesterday I also talked with Fah about not knowing why Feije was acting a bit of character recently because they seemed to have become more friendly.
I woke up feeling a bit stressed and disconsolate but soon got over it with exercise which got the blood pumping but I also had to push hard to motivate myself to complete.
At lunchtime, I found Fah and friends in the library and Feije’s expulsion was the main topic and then, lo and behold, she appeared. Everyone gathered around to get the gossip and I made myself scarce so the kids didn’t feel uncomfortable.
Today I’m grateful for:
Gui’s mum for giving me four or five custard apples from their tree outside the cafe. I was surprised and appreciative.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing all my grading files for my students and reflecting on how the semester has been. It is definitely an improvement on last year for me with fewer frustrations. As ever it is always enjoyable to watch these young people and their stories develop. I appreciate them very much and I feel as if some of them appreciate me in return.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
There was just one point where a couple of students pushed my patience. I knew they were excited for the holidays but I just wanted them to do a little work for me first. Despite their initial defiance, they could see that I was serious and begrudgingly came and did it. I’m glad they didn’t push it further.
Something I learned today?
In my grade 7 classes this week I’ve just been giving short gratitude quizzes asking three things. What they are grateful for, what they learned and if anything is upsetting them. That last question has proved to be the most interesting.
This afternoon one of the students, Film, said that they were worried about another student’s mental health. I looked around the room and that student did look troubled and flustered. I took Film aside and asked what had happened and he told me that the student’s two best friends had been bullying him.
Knowing all the students involved I was not too surprised to hear this.
I took the student off to the teacher’s room and reassured him that the bullies were showing their true colours and were not being good friends. I can see he wants to be good in class but gets roped into doing ‘bad’ things by his friends. I encouraged him and told him that there were other students in the classroom who were concerned and cared about him.
He had a little cry but seemed to understand and appreciate the support. My guess is that they will all be friends again by next semester and it will all be forgotten though I think it would benefit him to find new friends that treat him better.
28th Dec 2023 – Sure enough they are all good friends and thick as thieves again, though I can see the bullied one is a little more cautious now.
What’s my favourite thing to do when I’m feeling down?
These days I kinda know how to stop myself from feeling down but if I feel like I can get it under control I know that sleep often helps me. Another thing that helps is to just do something different. I have so many options available really and it could be something as simple as going for a walk.
I took this picture because Cap hasn’t come and sat next to me for a few months. It was nice to feel his fur on my skin but the temperature was damn hot and sticky already and he was adding to it. I don’t know when or how deeply he sleeps as he seems to move from place to place every five minutes.
A little vague with heavy eyelids. Exercise got me going but driving to work I was distracted and forgetting how I’d even got to where I was. I know it’s the extra exercise making me tired but I’ve gotta try and keep it going. My body is benefitting and I need to get over the hump and get used to it, become a habit.
Today I’m grateful for:
Yet another half day with no classes affording me time to catch up on more reading and writing with my coffees.
I went upstairs to see who was in the classroom of what was usually my first class of the day. There were six students and when I asked where the rest were they told me that they’d gone to one of their dorm rooms. Amusingly they confirmed that they went there to sleep more. The idea though was that they go to the Science Day event rather than study with me. Sleep was not what they should miss my class for!
Never mind, I was taking advantage of the event too.
Whilst I was talking to those students I was feeling a little tired and slurring my words a little. One of them offhandedly remarked that I looked stoned. That reminded me that perhaps the effects of yesterday evening’s cannabis oil hadn’t quite worn off.
The best thing about today was:
At 6.30 pm sitting on the terrace in the cool air, writing here and hearing the drip drops of rain approaching from across the fields which became a steady fall, the windblown droplets cooling my skin even further. The rain is damn cold but I’m also thoroughly enjoying the feeling, sitting under cover and watching the water drip from the roof. Cap is sitting at the door looking out in comfort behind the screen. I think it will be an early night for me tonight.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’ve been sleeping very well this week partly because of increasing my morning exercise routines but also aided by a couple of drops of cannabutter. One downside of that though was last night feeling sure that I had done my daily language learning only to discover this morning that I hadn’t done any at all! I also haven’t been able to read as many comics as usual, just feeling that I can’t keep my eyes open.
Something I learned today?
I’ve followed bits and pieces about Russia and the war in Ukraine and I understand very little about the involvement of the Wagner group. It felt like Western media was making a big deal over an alleged coup by the Wagner group and the words of its leader Prigozhin who ended up in Belarus. The Wagner group was then mentioned to be involved in Africa trying to counter armed interference from Western allies. Today, a small aircraft Prigozhin was on, crashed, killing everyone on board. There is sure to be more to that story.
I guess in some ways I’ve learned again that I know nothing.
What is the best gift I have ever given?
I’m struggling to even think about any gifts I have given!
There was the iPhone I bought for Amy when I came to Thailand but that was spoiled by the immigration officials who wanted the tax paid on it when I arrived. An iPhone is not really special either – it was more the surprise that I wanted Amy to get.
There were all the drawings of Amy and her friends that I did for our anniversary. That was a bit more special and personal.
Ok, here’s one. Back in 2013, I planned to go to Yogyakarta. Kimi and Sikin were disappointed that they couldn’t afford to meet me there so I bought them tickets. In the lead-up to that visit, I was suddenly retrenched and worried about spending too much money so I ended up cancelling my trip whilst Kimi and Sikin were still able to go! I shouldn’t have cancelled that trip but the future was feeling a bit uncertain at the time.
I took this picture because I was surprised to find Tigger in here, although as you can see he doesn’t all fit. All our cats constantly swap their favourite places and it feels like they wish that they could occupy them all at the same time to stop each other from stealing their spots. There’s something to be said for only owning one cat. But if we ever get more cats in the future I’d really like to get two or three brother and sister kittens. That would be great to watch them grow together and hopefully love each other more than our current cats do.
Security kills me Anxiety keeps me alive The paranoid and prudent Get to survive
I don’t want to be happy I don’t want to want I don’t deserve it There must be more More than survival
A life without pain Would often be short Our wealth is unhealthy But we’re mostly bought
Found in abundance At a temporary table Making me so fat And mentally unstable
I don’t want to feel good I don’t want to want But I want to be good My biology Keeps eating my cake
Denton, Texas befuddlers Flesh Narc pile together the nicest grapes they could find, herein compiled from the first song they wrote in 2013 to the band’s first tour in summer 2017. Witness the genre whiplash that Flesh Narc is capable of from their beginnings as a slacker post-punk power trio to their descent into electronic abstraction and back to a retightened, haywire rock band. A comprehensive review of Flesh Narc’s early years, off-the-wall lyrical content and confused music guaranteed.
tracks 1-4 recorded October-November 2014 by Michael Briggs tracks 5-7 recorded October, December 2015 by Michael Briggs tracks 8-10 recorded June-July 2016 by Michael Briggs tracks 11-13 recorded October, December 2015-February 2016 by Sinevil track 14 recorded live February 10th 2017 at Cleemus & Ploumplesti’s, Denton tracks 15-18 recorded May-June 2017 by Justin Lemons track 19 recorded live August 4th 2017 at Archer Ballroom, Chicago by Steve Gassen
1-4: Optical Intrusion (January 2015) 5,6: Slow Deep and Narc (March 2016) 7: Narc That! (June 2016) 8,9: TS/FN ❤ (split with Thin Skin) (November 2016) 10: Dinner’s Served (Thanksgiving 2016) 11-13: Eyes on the Fabric (Narc Infinitives) (February 2017) 14: Hailey’s Fan Club (July 2017) 15-18: Frisky/Gardens (July 2017) 19: Split with Slackbeat (March 2018)
Flesh Narc is Matt Burgess, Rick Eye and Reece McLean.
In early 2013, Rick joined Reece’s project Bukkake Moms and they formed the freewheeling collective Problem Dogg. In the midst of that chaos, Matt’s long-time band Eat Avery’s Bones began playing shows more regularly, and it wasn’t long before Matt became involved in the Problem Dogg consortium. Matt, Reece and Rick practiced for the first time together in November 2013 and wrote their first song, “Jack Off Cubes”. 8 more songs were written but they got distracted by mineral trading drama and decided to stop practicing for 5 months. Upon remembering they were a band, they quickly recorded their 9 unrehearsed songs and made up about 9 more on the spot, some of which were better. Their first album “Optical Intrusion” and companion EP “Narc It!” were released in early 2015 and the first live shows followed. Human microphone stands were utilized and instrument switches were abundant and time-consuming.
Improvised electronics slowly crept in, eventually usurping the live set for a brief part of 2016. A 2nd album “Slow Deep and Narc” with companion EP “Narc That!” followed and not long after a split cassette with Thin Skin.
The band’s slacker rock sound was running its course, and the radical left-turn electronic album “Eyes on the Fabric (Narc Infinitives)” was still held up in post-production. Thankfully, refreshment was found through the joining of Beth Dodds from Bukkake Moms on drums and occasional guitar/bass/keyboards in January 2017. The band gained a new intensity and confusion factor. “Eyes on the Fabric (Narc Infinitives)” finally released in February 2017, featuring stark electronics and free-associating vocals lost in the dark. The new 4-piece Flesh Narc prepared for a summer tour with Thin Skin and produced “Frisky/Gardens”, originally a demo, but later canonized by default. “Hailey’s Fan Club”, a live album of electronic material that verges on comedy, also made its way to tape in time for the tour.
Flesh Narc’s performance in Chicago at Archer Ballroom (later released as a split with Slackbeat in 2018) showed the band in a demented form on the home stretch of tour. In the Loop Magazine reviewed the show calling Flesh Narc, “noise going nowhere” and urged readers to “leave immediately” upon encountering the band (beintheloopchicago.com?p=20995).
In the immediate wake of the tour, the 4-piece line-up of Flesh Narc dissolved. The band’s next album, intended to be called “Grapes” (consisting of rerecorded “Frisky/Gardens” songs and new material), was scrapped before recording. The band reverted back into a trio again and replaced drums with manually-tapped drum machine and tapes.
And what happens after that is for another compilation another time.
From 2017 to the present day, things in the land of Flesh Narc have grown very complex, with numerous releases of varying styles with new collaborators. As a quick primer, and to fulfil the unrealized dream of the “Grapes” album, this compilation of Flesh Narc’s early years should suffice.
Today I’m feeling:
Slooow to go! I had a weed gummy last night which I thought didn’t really have much effect beyond focusing concentration on playing guitar. And trying to fix the Canna butter bottle that broke, I had a drop or less of that which seemed to get me thinking sideways for the rest of the evening that rapidly disappeared. I had deeply thought-provoking dreams that felt quite negative in that they reminded me of my age and my place in the world. I woke up a little shook. I feel pretty damn relaxed now though. The heat and rain have gone for a while and it’s nice enough to sit outside again with a soft breeze stirring. I’ve been out here for an hour already.
Today I’m grateful for:
Bruno picking me up at the Nissan dealer in the afternoon. We went up to Ahka Cottage for coffee whilst the car was being ‘serviced’. I put that in quotes as it’s sometimes a little difficult to know if they really check over everything or just change the oil and filter and things you ask them. Presumably, they’re doing a good job.
I’m also grateful to Gong at Utopia who called ahead to Daytripper about a pipette for me for my CBD oil.
What was the best thing today?
Seeing Amy happy back in her room in Sydney, already thinking about how to enjoy her last eight weeks there. She was happy to return to more comfortable temperatures although it has been a little cooler here too today.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
It was odd to be in the passenger seat of a car for a change. Weird not to have a car key in my pocket.
Something I learned today?
Watching Brian Dunning’s inFact explained why there are suddenly lots of military UFO sightings in the last six months. It all seemed to be down to a core group of connected people who have pushing their theories for the last 15 years. They’re not presenting anything new but they are all presenting it at the same time, presumably to inspire funding from the government. Which country? You can guess, it’s your friend and mine, the USA! It’s rare to hear about UFO sightings anywhere else.
What is my favourite time of day?
Although I struggle to do it without external motivation I’ve come to enjoy the mornings, especially living here in Chiang Rai. Age and location also have an influence, as well as circumstances of obligations.
I pretty much like any time of day. I’m alive and the passing of time is increasing. It’s not impossible to enjoy every breath but the last one should be spent in contentment.
I took this picture because I sat outside in the cooler air with this smelly boy rolling around at my feet and His Royal Highness Cappuccino in the apparent safety of the dining room behind the screen door.
So tired this morning as I didn’t sleep well. Being back together in the cool aircon of our bedroom proper was nice and saw us off to sleep nicely with Cap joining us but, Cap being Cap, he wanted to go in and out a couple of times during the night which meant me opening and closing the door for him. The last time it was almost light so I left the door ajar for him but Tigger also came in and Amy woke up to find him peeing on her bed. First day back and already these cats treat our fresh-smelling beds as their toilets.
Of course, I got into trouble (with Amy) for leaving the door open. I delayed my alarm to allow an extra 15 minutes of tossing and turning and I would dearly love to be back in bed sleeping more right now.
Today I’m grateful for:
The cafe next door to school changed its policy for every tenth coffee free, getting rid of it completely. I cried that I only had two more to go and then said, how about today for free? To which they agreed and I went away happy. As usual, the taste of their coffee is awful but it has a hell of a caffeine hit.
The best thing about today was:
Finding out that there is some event tomorrow morning and it’s optional whether to teach or not. I will definitely not teach the first class and not sure about the second one yet. I’ll see how I and they feel tomorrow morning.
I ended up chatting to one of the students who said they thought that they would have to do some tasks which will take all morning so, what the hell? I doubt if it will take that long but I know they would prefer whatever it is they will be doing over sitting in a classroom anyway.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Many things out of my control today but I’m getting better at just going with it and not getting stressed about things. I can definitely feel that this has changed for me over the last couple of years.
Something I learned today?
I did 5 minutes research into overcoming sensitivity after being bullied and read that CBT is a suggested therapy to help. I will offer some advice and information to the student whom I talked with yesterday evening.
I took no pictures because my brain couldn’t expand enough into the spaces to find something interesting to take a picture of despite interesting things occurring around me. Now is the struggle to find interest in the minutiae, in the minor, in the greys and browns.
1994ever 