Tag: Cappuccino

Never Give Up – 11th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I gave up smoking when my son arrived
And eventually, the drinking on which I thrived
Drugs were out and I never did the casino
One thing I’ll never give up – that’s my cappuccino

When you try to extend your reach outward, it’s much better and more appropriately directed inward.

Ryan Holiday

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I got my laptop working as I needed it at school yesterday after having many problems.

A Madness Of The Impossible – 1st December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The very essence of my soul betrayed
No knowledge may heal the wound I made
In this fog, there is nowhere to be or go
I just can’t forgive myself I’m afraid

Misery and self-loathing bedevil my days
A madness of the impossible Derrida says
The radical act of self-forgiveness so
Absolve yourself, you must find the ways

Inspired (and butchered) by a reply to a letter to Nick Cave at The Red Hand Files newsletter
and submitted to Thursday Inspiration #246

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that our cats seem to have recovered. Cap from a bad stomach and Kim from wounds after a big fight with Tigger. Tigger has been very well recently though his fur is starting to make him look old.

I was planning to do some preparation and reading and writing this afternoon but Fui brought his teenage son and daughter to House and I ended up talking with all of them for most of the time! Fui’s kids study in Singapore, and have done for many years. I’m not sure why and didn’t ask, but it’s interesting to get their perspective on things especially as English has become their first language.

My one class this morning was with 2/11 and it went well. I got them more involved by helping me to learn the Thai words for all the English vocabulary that I wanted them to remember. So, I’m feeling good.

A rest day from the abs workout. I can feel that there is less fat on my chest and my ribs are becoming more visible. I like this healthier me. As with anything, I should’ve started sooner. I’m still thinking about that time of brushing off Rupert when he started lifting weights at school. I was all about smoking and drinking. I was lucky that my metabolism sustained my skinny body into my late 30s and only the beer started sticking on my hips.

OK – back to it. More free time tomorrow afternoon to finish off this preparation.

Weight: 76.6kg
Resting heart rate: 47

Coy Maids Yield – 23rd November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

A peach, not yet ripe, hangs tempting
Soft fur on skin clear and pale
Untouched by the hands of fate
A heart grows older, lamenting
This light will never be the same
When summer arrives, the crow is late
And so shall end this game

The gravity tugs at all the fruits
Suspended like puppets, dancing on the wind
The ripened fall among the flowers
As the strings begin to yield and bend
Gently whispered words that sour
As hungry wolves gather sniffing
In search of fresh fruits to devour

No new ideas found under Newton’s tree
What is gone will bloom again
Forbidden fruits in gardens green
Cherries picked, hummingbird and bee
Seeds spread to await cold rain
The coy maids’ pollen floating free

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that we found a little scratch on Cap’s belly last night so that we could treat it before it might get infected. It was because I love to pet our cats that I usually find scratches and cuts that need attention.

All good things must come to an end? Whilst I’m happily working away, thinking up more and better ways to encourage my students to learn, I got told that the school has received complaints about me from parents. It’s not clear to me exactly what these complaints are yet but giving students assignments to work on when they are not in class (ie online teaching times) was mentioned.

As I think about it I wonder if these complaints are actually not so much about me but about the students, their children. Some are so far behind that they would struggle in even primary classes.

Tomorrow I will talk to Champ and Kru Nu and I will think of questions that I want to ask them. In particular, now, my two questions are what are the specific complaints and what do you want me to do? When I was talking with Champ, I just got the vague response of ‘make the complaints go away.’

I know that George will be shaking his head if he knows about this. He always keeps everything smooth and makes everything as easy as possible for his students. They can cruise through his class. I see the Thai teachers doing this too.

Ah – I’ve written this all here before. I want to push the students, make them curious and interested to learn. Each class has such good students mixed with others who have very poor skills. I prefer to teach to the middle-top rather than be bored with teaching such simple stuff.

But maybe I should change my thinking, have the simple life, make it easy and care less about the outcome for the students. It feels like such a cop out to me. Should I even be a teacher? I’m anxious and confused now. I want to defend myself but I should just try and keep my mouth shut. In the meeting tomorrow I should take notes and just work to what they tell me.

Gah! Even as I’m writing that my head is going ‘but…but…but.’ Do I care too much? I love all these kids, even the poor students. Even the ones who don’t like me.

Along with all this we’ve been trying to sort out Amy’s name change for her Aussie passport and that can of worms continued to grow but now we’ve sorted it out and will have to deal with all the Thai paperwork when she’s back from Australia again. That was stressful and it’s still stressful knowing that we will have to revisit it again in the future.

In another 11 years (or is it 15?) I will be able to get my superannuation from Australia. Where do I want to be? Where will we want to be? Should we sell up and go back now? Could I survive in Australia again? Could I do it without working? Where is the easy life I was searching for?

Haha. I make myself laugh. I’m always telling myself that it is better to suffer in life. To know that you are alive. Life is pain. And that’s ok with me.

The Week That Was – 25th February 1979

Subject to Change – 21st May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Every time I found my place
I decided it was time to leave
Comfort never seemed to interest me
I needed something new to believe

But I always remember my friends
And the happiness they bought
I left to spread it further
And find new ideas to report

Shared with Reena’s Xploration Challenge #317

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the little mouse in our living room last night. It was small and cute and impossible to catch. Cap was only vaguely interested in it and scared when it ran at him. Amy brought Kim in from outside and she caught it immediately. She was very happy. I felt a little sorry for the mouse but I know it happens every day outside our living room.

I overheated yesterday, testing myself to see how long I could bear it. I was reading, and it was uncomfortable, but I was trying not to fidget or complain – ultimately, I had to get to some aircon. I was dressed in pants and a long-sleeved shirt, too – all tucked in. A dumb attempt at temperature assimilation!

Amy complains about the heat all the time – well, everyone does – it’s very uncomfortable at the moment. No wonder people go mad in temperatures like this!

Anyway, the result of this was falling asleep deeply in our living room aircon at about 5 pm. Amy woke me up at 7.45 pm to watch some TV, but then I retired to the bedroom to read a little before more sleep.

Whilst reading, Amy rushed in shouting, ‘There’s a rat in the living room!’ I got up quickly to a wild-eyed Amy and a bemused Cappuccino. She said it was behind the TV cabinet but I couldn’t see it. Eventually, she pointed it out, and it was a cute little tiny field mouse, balanced on the black cables from the back of the TV. No wonder I couldn’t see it. Some rat!

We tried to nudge it out so that Cap could have the honour to catch it and save his family from certain death, but he was scared of it and kept running away whenever it came near him. What a cat! Amy ran outside and called Kim Chi whilst I failed in grabbing the little cutie by the tail over and over again.

Cap had given up at this point, and I was chasing this thing whilst laughing my head off. Kim Chi appeared from next doo,r and Amy brought her in and instantly caught the mouse in her mouth. Then I picked her up to take her outside, and in doing this, Kim dropped the mouse and off it ran again.

At one point, the mouse was in the corner right by Kim’s tail, but she was looking the other way, totally unaware. I cracked up. After a couple more minutes, Kim eventually caught it again, and we managed to get outside. I made a feeble attempt to loosen Kim’s jaws to give the mouse a chance but gave up, and she walked off to play with it some more.

I resumed my reading back in the bedroom, wondering if I would be able to sleep after all this excitement. Fortunately, I was able and sleeping so deeply I didn’t even hear the storm in the night, which thankfully lowered the temperature somewhat by the morning.

As I’m writing this, not even 9 am, I can already feel the heat fusing my shirt to my skin with sweat. It’s going to be a long day, but thankfully, the weekend is coming.

Brain dump (by mouth) – 13th September 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Cappuccino walking slowly something wrong – But he can’t explain why – just a funny cry
Why cats can’t speak our language – Why we can’t speak theirs – Old man – Looks old acts old – His hair still beautiful Looks Still beautiful – Must prepare for the inevitable – We love him very much
Neck cranky – Slept okay – Stretch And yawn
Temporary crown keeps falling out when eating – Annoying but funny
Speaking still weird I think I’ll go back to writing

And so ends the attempt to dictate morning pages

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my shirts and shorts. I’m thinking about all the t-shirts I have owned over time and what they meant to me.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #43 – 20th June 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This week there’s music from Outside In, Deerhoof, PFM, The Small Faces, This Heat, Debile Menthol, Quizz Kidz, Magma, MC5, Lightning Bolt, The Vibrators, Unsane and The Shades.

Brain Dump

Fed cats but forgot to check KimChi didn’t eat Cap’s food. Cap’s so lovely – follows Amy everywhere. So fluffy and gentle. Kim teases him all the time and Tigger seems to hate him! Which cat am I? Tigger the hater – Kim the teaser – Cap the gentle. Which do I want to be. Of course. Be like Cap.

Half Man Half Biscuit on mental jukebox. On the ‘roids. Five-minute workout. Feels good but not yet inspiring enough to do a 10 or 20-minute workout. Don’t need to push it anyway.

I read – can I act on it? Practical things yes, but mental things? The result of performing practical things will bring me towards the mental things. I will spend my whole life doing this.

Ache in shoulder. Cateran. *

Time to watch a movie today? So many great movies. Sometimes feel like I don’t have time or concentration to watch movies anymore but that’s not really true. Painkillers or not today? Aching eye – tired from screens probably. Do eye exercises?

*reference to The Cateran song Ache from the album of the same name. I believe the line sung is ‘ache in clover’.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for getting out of bed with my alarm this morning and doing my morning routine when I could have ignored it completely. I feel good for it.

To-do list

  • Get up and do your routine – no excuse ✅
  • Drill and put up pictures ✅
  • Sort out visa in the afternoon
  • Find yoga video and Jordan Yeoh (?) video
  • More blog posts ✅

Easy day but went too fast. I pushed myself to wake up and get up this morning and did about 90% of my usual routine.

Went for coffee, watched the Swans game, went to Big C for lunch and shopping. Feel pretty good today.

Reading some old diary entries from 1994 seems to show me that I understood many of the things I’m going through now back then. Feels like even after all that time I still didn’t learn from it. I’m not beating myself up over it – just noticing. I need to stop thinking and reading and start doing.

No windows, no ceiling or floor – 30th September 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Woke up just before my alarm. In my dream, I was trying to enter a password for something but kept getting it wrong. Things are fairly normal at home. Normal is good. Why I write this is because all our cats are happy at the moment.

All the humans are happy too.

My last week at school. Very relaxed. Not sure about what is coming up next – well, actually, I am. It’s holiday time. LIve in the moment. Your job doesn’t define you.

Gratitude Journal

Playing sport with some of the school kids made me smile, even when I fell over and hurt myself! I smiled and laughed with Amy a lot this week, feeling better about things in general. I smiled coming to school knowing that a holiday is coming and I will be leaving this environment. I smiled at Kim Chi and Cap chasing each other around the house. I smiled when the big dead lizard made Amy jump a mile into the air!

9th Mar 2021 – When I think about working at schools in Thailand I can’t help but believe that I am there for the student’s education and I care more about them than the ‘adults’ working there, who I can generally take or leave. The Thai staff at the schools I have worked at have a different agenda entirely as far as I can tell.