Tag: Champ

Idea Of Heaven – 4th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We still have to teach the Gods to be human
They should bend to our will, not us to theirs
First, we have to understand ourselves
And an idea of heaven that everyone shares

Today I’m feeling:

I didn’t sleep well but felt ok at my alarm. Two hours into the day though and I’m feeling a little low and flat. My eyes are sore again and the cloudy grey skies feel depressing.

Last night Paen (Baitoey) contacted me again feeling depressed and suicidal. I don’t know how much more I can give her. I know she doesn’t have the skills but it seems like she doesn’t want to do the hard work and is always looking for the easy way out. She needs some guidance to turn her thinking around and I’m not the best person for that.

Her struggles weigh me down too.

Today I’m grateful for:

Payment coming through today as I was just about to run out of money. It meant I could pay the gardener who came today and can also order some more cat food now too. I still have money put aside for the aircon fix and hopefully enough spare for the plumbing fixes. Not sure if there will be enough for the guttering though.

The best thing about today was:

Many interesting conversations with my students outside of class.  They usually remind me about things I went through when I was their age.

Also, Champ was back from Australia for a quick visit and he was telling me that he had to do some part-time work to be able to afford to stay there whilst studying. He’s working at a school teaching grade 5 kids. He was comparing the difference between the education systems in Oz and in Thailand and that he now has a clearer understanding of us farang teachers when we work here and get frustrated at the way things work. I’ve adapted myself now but it does feel like a little vindication.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got home I could see that the gardeners had been. I’m thankful to them for tidying up our home but also can’t help noticing what a bad job they are doing. After asking them to clear the weeds properly along the driveway last time, this time they made no attempt at all. Worse still was that they cut the avocado tree that Bruno gave me last year, cut at the trunk! It was just starting to grow well and looked like it would develop into a nice-looking young tree. Fucking careless.

Something I learned today?

The great Chinese spy balloon incident is over. The US admitted that they found no evidence of anything beyond the weather instrumentation that the Chinese told them it was. The US is in the hands of adults acting like 5-year-olds.

How did I practice kindness?

Today I sat down with Paen and listened to her grievances about her life and what help she would like me to give her. She actually didn’t say much, I did most of the talking. I challenged her a lot because I can see that she is just running away from the real issue which is her own self-esteem, insecurities and problems at home. I can see that the things she wants me to help her with are not long-term solutions. 

I have shown her a lot of kindness and tried to help her many times. I can’t fix what happens in her head but I will support her as best I can.

I also ran into Preawa during the day and she was having some kind of problem with her boyfriend who was following her around forlornly. I messaged her this evening to see if she was ok and she said she was and appreciated my concern.

I think one of the reasons that the kids like me is that the can feel my empathy towards them even as I might be berating them for being lazy. I may not be the best teacher in the world but I think I’m a pretty good human.

What do I want to focus on today?

It looks like I will have to focus some time on helping Paen to see if she can change programs back to English. I see this as a band-aid solution for her because the problems are coming from within herself. I’ll try and find her the school counsellor and also find out why she stopped taking her meds. She seemed to be doing well in the first couple of weeks of the new semester.

I took this picture at the weekend because I’m loving seeing the freshly planted rice paddies. Is this a Thai spring?

Incomplete Stories – 24th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The tale of the incompetent teenager
That can dig himself out of a hole
Because this moment will last forever
And it’s slowly eating away his soul
The book is only at the first chapter
And it could easily be snatched away
The pleasure is in anticipation
For the years, the months, tomorrow and today

Today I’m feeling:

I slept so much last night that my body was stiff when I finally got up. After 13 hours or so of rest I thought I’d be rested enough but I couldn’t muster the energy to even do my usual jumping jacks warm-up or ride my push bike to Utopia. My two coffees also didn’t have the impact I was hoping for perhaps spoiled by the remnants of last night’s beers though the aftertaste was pretty good. By 11.30 I had started to do some reading but found myself nodding off quickly and despite hoping to avoid an afternoon nap I couldn’t resist and started it early. Waking at 1.30 I dashed out for a big plate of lardna before the forecast heavy rain was due still feeling hungry picked up a bunch of ice creams on the way back. Again hoping these foods would turn into energy I sat at home dazed not knowing what to do so put on some music and dosed again. Finally, after talking to Amy and feeding the cats I felt my energy return and picked up the guitar for an hour and a half and read some more. It’s weird how zonked I am on Saturdays now.

Today I’m grateful for:

My energy finally returning as I was finding myself feeling depressed and useless. I’m thinking I need to eat a little more again, especially when I’m working out a little harder than before and even though I’m trying to lose this excess fat. Maybe my balance isn’t quite right yet. I wonder how much of my teenage depression was aggravated by bad eating and sleeping habits.

The best thing about today was:

Reading an inspirational Facebook post from Champ who has been in Melbourne for six months already now. I knew he would post something like this at some point. He is highly motivated and pushes himself and he is a great example for our students to not give up and that if you want to achieve anything you have to keep going, getting back up each time you’re knocked down and working through the tough times. I linked all my students to his post in the hopes of inspiring them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Yesterday we got a schedule for next week’s scout week. I was hoping to avoid having to get too involved but it looks like I’ve been pencilled in to do a couple of things. It’s a bit annoying and I feel resentful but I reminded myself what I tell my students sometimes, in that sometimes you just have to do things you don’t want to do and that they even turn out to be fun. I’m talking myself into it slowly though I’d still prefer to be able to do my own thing.

Something I learned today?

Earlier this week Amy was talking about the Titanic and I didn’t know why and she asked if I’d heard the news? What news? 
She talked about a submersible that takes tourists down to view the wreck had lost contact and they only had two days of oxygen. Amy was incredulous that I knew nothing about this but I was quite happy not knowing about it and wondered what I didn’t know. 
Anyway, today I did come across a video talking about the fact that the submersible has since been found and that it had imploded killing the five people on board. They played an animation of an implosion and even at a slow speed it lasted less than a second, the water pressure is so strong. Anyone in that situation wouldn’t have had time to suffer. 
It seems though that discussions before locating the submersible were more morbidly centred around the fact that one person could have survived for twenty days with the available air and how the people might choose who should die so the rest could live. What the fuck is wrong with people?

What is my favourite photo of the week?

I didn’t take many after my ride on Sunday and I already put those here so back to Sunday I came across this big temple in a comparatively tiny village. Someone in the village must be in the money!

I took this picture because Piti was looking majestic and relaxed when I arrived at Utopia.

Vehicle Residency – 6th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The dream was to own two
Kept in a suburban home
Now you’re lucky to have one
And live in it alone

Man’s never-ending greed
Entitled to go too far
Is a dream slipping away
As you’re living in your car

Today I’m feeling:

Happy, busy, winding down. It’s been a busy week and has culminated in an empty house again as Amy left this morning. Now I’m listening to music and thinking about how to motivate myself back into a solo routine again.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Champ and my boss Nancy, who, separately, both told me I was a great teacher. I appreciate hearing that as sometimes I doubt myself.

The best thing about today was:

Playing Takraw with some students for a little while. We were all equally terrible at it but we were laughing every few seconds.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It’s been a very busy but unstressful day and nothing is coming to mind that was out of my control. Days like this are very nice though a little disturbing as I could slip into an orgasmic coma. Good days are a drug, always looking for it, chasing it, in its grip.

Something I learned today?

Amy showed me the online seller that has better prices on cat food than the ones I found. It’s gotten really expensive recently and everywhere has run out of stock. Amy was able to order and see that it was packed and on its way almost immediately. I’ll believe it when it turns up!

What’s your favourite Mexican food?

I think just vegetarian nachos. I find the Mexican food I’ve tried all tastes similar but just with a variety of textures. You can’t go wrong with vegetarian – cheese, beans, guacamole, sour cream, spicy sauce. There’s a Mexican restaurant here in Chiang Rai and thinking about this has got me hungry to go again!

I took this picture because this poor old smelly lovely dog just loves our house! The auntie who owns him says he sits on their porch always looking at our house, sometimes too impatient to know what’s going on and coming over to sit on our porch. Today he even barked at his own family as they were in the field next to our house.

Favourite Trick – 19th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I forgot my brain
Left it on the train
Picked up legs
And off it ran
Driving me insane
I lost my head
Getting out of bed
Overthinking, thinking thunk
Overdrinking, dranken drunk
Nonsense that I said
Myself found lost
Paying the cost
Apple core
With nothing more
Than being tossed
I cut off my dick
When I was being sick
Flushed it down the bowl
I’ll never tell a soul
It was my favourite trick

…an ocean of salt tears could not melt the resolution of the statues.

Danforth, The Crucible

Today I’m grateful for:
Ploughing on and finishing reading Gormenghast. Excellent. Just one more in the trilogy to go and I can send them back to Sharon. Slaughterhouse 5 first though.
The best thing about today was:
Champ buying me a coffee at House, where I took him because he wanted to get out of school for a break. He seemed really happy with my teaching, or at least with my bloody-mindedness to try and get these kids disciplined to enjoy studying. It was certainly nice to get positive feedback.

I took this picture because I’d never seen this fruit before. It was growing alongside a mulberry tree at House. Apparently, it’s not edible, which is surprising because it’s an attractive colour.

Planting Seeds – 1st September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

As my mind opened so did the world in front of me
Even as a child I sensed things were not as should be
So it is now I look up to the biggest sky I ever saw
Where love and cooperation must trump violence and war

“the biggest sky I ever saw” is taken from a Robert Plant interview used in the Led Zeppelin biography by Mick Wall, hence the title.

The brain and the tongue are so far apart.

Prunesquallor from Gormenghast by Mervyn Peake

Today I’m grateful for:
Champ asking me if I’d like to teach in the new building where the rooms will have aircon! That could be nice. I’m sure there will be teething troubles in there and maybe Champ has some other motive for me being there but all the same, it is nice to be thought of.
The best thing about today was:
Momo coming and telling me that she wished I was still teaching her. When I asked why she said that my classes were more fun. I think she and Porpieng feel that they are not being challenged enough now. I felt good to hear her say this, making me remember the impact, no matter how small, I’m having on her life.

I took this picture because the clouds rolling up the mountain like this really caught my attention. I was struggling to find anything to take a picture of on this walk as the sky was still quite dull and grey but then seeing the sun hitting the mountaintops and this cloud really stuck out. I stood and savoured it even if only for a second or two.

Stan’s Law – 25th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*It’s hard to accept
A door without a handle*
To hold in your fist
An eternal burning candle

When doing wrong
Turns out to be doing right
To purposefully ignore
What is clearly within sight

The door is shut
And your skin is burning
Oxymoronic times
Opens eyes to learning

*quote from Stanislaw Lem

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for T. Champ to be understanding about the way I teach. He’s good to be around.

I’m pretty happy this morning to receive lots of messages from my students asking questions or submitting their work. This makes me feel better about my teaching and confirms a little to me that those parents complaining don’t understand what I’m trying to achieve with their kids. It will take a long time to change things in this country.

Is my way better? It doesn’t matter. I am the way I am and I teach what I believe. I just want the students to try and not just think that everything is going to work out whether they put in effort or not.

Sometimes I know I’m intense but it’s my character. I can change it somewhat though I find it hard. I’m also not all crazy strict with the kids and I think they like me. It’s usually the parents who are the problem! I know they have their ways that they want things done. I guess I’m not the person to do that for them! Haha!

Anyway, the good students are doing really well. They make me proud.

I’m starting to miss Amy a little already, even though it’s two more months before she leaves! I’m starting to think about all the extra things that I will have to do for myself and the cats and the house. But this time I want to have music playing all day, every day! That should make things bearable.

I’m thinking about whether to post on the MFU Facebook page for students to come and hang out on weekends and to practice their English – but I’m not sure about this as I value my free time so much!

Hopefully, we get a good holiday in April next year. Perfect! I can practice retirement.

Shadows – 1st November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

Within this oppressive system
The dividing line, it grows
The wealthy control the time
Whilst we’re living in the shadows

Try to climb this shit ladder
But the dividing line always grows
A blind eye turned towards
Those living in the shadows

How did it get to be
That the dividing line, it grows?
And the ninety-nine percent
Remains living in the shadows

There is no vision of caring
As the dividing line, it grows
The underclass just eats itself
Living in the shadows

The one percent destroyed the world
And the dividing line is gone
No one left to remember the names
Of the ones who claimed they’d won

Inspired by a classic late 80s Peter Milligan story ‘Shadows’ originally printed in 2000AD
29th Mar 2024 – Submitted to OLN 359 at dVerse

First day of the new semester and everything is the usual mess but I’m more used to it now and can accept it. Had a good chat with Champ in the afternoon about his beliefs about the future of Thailand. He isn’t happy with the current system but is optimistic about the elections next year. I don’t think it will be much of a change but I also can’t get a feel for the mood of the country.

I moved back into the teacher’s room and sat next to George again. He is still only politely communicating with me and won’t look me in the eye. What I have noticed more about myself is that the things that I read about stoicism and thinking, I’m always framing it into a comparison with me and George. He is good at many things that I would hope to emulate but I’m always classifying it as insincere when it comes from him. I don’t need to be thinking about how what I’m reading relates to him – I need to be concentrating on how it relates to me.

I do feel that I am behaving more as myself these days as opposed to trying to fit in with everyone there, to keep a good vibe. I don’t know how to describe this properly. The vibe is good as I am. I am polite and enquiring and take part in work discussions. I don’t, or no longer, really take part in what I guess could be called bonding exercises. I don’t really feel a need to bond with people on a superficial level. Playing Uno or Kahoot together is ok every now and then and maybe brings a good feeling at that moment but I feel like there’s no depth to it.

Sure, I may not be good at connecting deeply with people myself but I really detest the time wasted on superficial connections. I don’t want to be friends with everyone or care if people I don’t really like don’t like me either, but I will make the effort to make deeper connections with someone I feel great affinity with.

That’s difficult with this group of people due to language issues but I am interested in Champ’s values and thinking as he also seems to be interested in deeper concerns than having time for another round of Uno.

Have I talked myself around? Perhaps not yet. My thinking is something I’m still working on and something I will always need to work on.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the long sleep and pleasant dreams I had last night whilst it rained so hard.

Weight: 76.6kg
Resting heart rate: 52

Fatman report -1st April 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Weight: 78.0kg
Resting heart rate: 56

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the fan in our bedroom last night. Our aircon stopped working so all we had was the fan. Luckily it was enough and even I woke up feeling cold. Without it though would have been very uncomfortable. That fan will have more work to do as we don’t know when we can get the aircon fixed.

Today was a good day. I felt calm and enjoyed being at school even with not many other people around. Champ complimented me on my lesson plans today too – it’s nice to get some positive feedback on your work.

I also found out that next semester I will be teaching the same classes as this semester. That’s kind of nice though I may have to find new approaches to the two classes who are not so good. Anyway, it’s a good challenge.

Tomorrow is our last day for a month and I’m looking forward to this time off.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #65 – Nothing’s Going To Stop It – 19th November 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

They are on to us!  We’re being hunted down but nothing’s going to stop it!

Highly curated, carefully selected and specifically ordered* for your listening edification by world-renowned DJtenzenmen, who has over 100 years of experience in this business.

This week there’s music from Peter Black, The Saints, June of 44, Beastie Boys, Kurws, Plam, Satan’s Rats, Madness, Krause, Hard-Ons, Alamaailman Vasarat, Wall of Dwarfs, Motelli Skronkle, HIRS, OMFO, Tako, Septic Death, The 1985, Space Negros and Charming Hostess.

Intro and background music by Utotem, Phantom Tollbooth, Daniel Striped Tiger and someone else I forgot.
Incidentals taken from the Church of the Sub Genius Hour of Slack.

Find us on Twitter and Facebook too. Tell us if you like it, tell us if you don’t.
Listen right here or Podbean, Stitcher, Apple, Amazon…..all those cool places I guess.

* ie totally random.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have two days off this week. I feel so lucky to work in a country that has so many public holidays.
I am so happy and grateful to Kru Champ for being an understanding teacher and appreciative of my concerns to do the best for the students.

It’s nice… it’s my mind that’s off guard – 1st July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Kids come back to school. See how it goes.

Tigger sprays on the floor. No tissue to clean.

Good five-minute warmup workout better than yesterday. Happy – feeling happy a little tired and sleepy but awake if not alert. Some aches from drilling on the weekend. Hurt hurt. Yawn. Did things and doing things – keep going – want to do more. Have things to do at school. No problem.

Enjoying life – reading, music, TV – looking at the stars – the rain – not so much the heat! I can’t stay happy. Amy is happy most of the time. We have our world – we only let the right people in.

Weight: 79.3kg
Resting heart rate: 44

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I don’t have to do any work this morning even though the kids are back at school. I offered to do something but was told it was ok.

To-do list

  • Compliment – savour – positive wishes ✅
  • Post more TCRAH to blog ✅
  • Finish and audio and video ✅
  • Record more blog entries to catch up ✅

It was weird to have students around the school again but it was good to see some of my old students and they seemed happy to see me again. Lots of students showed their love for George and were very happy.

We ended up not doing anything again today and George thought we could get out for coffee if we really wanted to but I didn’t think that was such a good idea. I also offered myself to help with Teacher Champ but he said not to worry.

Anyway – I managed to cross off all my tasks today – reminding myself about complimenting people – JJ and Sheena.

I savoured my lunch as usual – but I put more effort into it. I also offered private best wishes to everyone though I could have thought to do that whilst stuck in traffic trying to get out of school. It took me an hour to get home today whereas it normally takes 20 minutes.

So, first day is done and we can relax into whatever it is that we end up doing. It’s good that there doesn’t seem to be much pressure on us even when we will have to teach. The environment here is very good so far.

I have been doing very short workouts in the morning, along with meditating, writing and language learning – all before going to work. It feels good to have achieved those things early in the day and it seems like they are having a beneficial effect on my thoughts.

Bronwyn told me that Hayden isn’t doing too well today. I didn’t have chance to call him during the day and he didn’t pick up when I tried when I got home. I hope he’s ok and pulls through all this.

Tomorrow, I have to renew my visa and not expecting any problems this time. It should be another simple enough day and anyway, I think I’m prepared for anything else that comes my way.